Episode 378 · The Studio Revamp
Den Of Snakes | The Tim Dillon Show #378
Jan 20, 2024 · 58:56 · 476,000 views · 19 segments, 116 moments indexed
Tim talks about justice closing in on the Gilbert Goons, Beverly Hills affordable housing, reality television and hot Houthi rebels.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: The Rasp Isn't From Smoking
#Tim opens by addressing his raspy voice despite quitting cigarettes months ago, theorizing it's actually dairy that's killing him.
2moments
- Tim's voice is raspy despite not smoking for months and months.
- He suspects the rasp never came from cigarettes at all, but from dairy instead.
- 2 min
The Gilbert Goons Story Update
#Tim revisits the Gilbert, Arizona teen killing case he's covered before, praising the community for forcing the police department to act despite apparent cover-up behavior.
4moments
- Tim stopped smoking cigarettes, identifying that as the real killer.
- The noose is tightening on the next chapter of the Gilbert Goons story that Tim broke on the show.
- Tim credits Arizona residents for rising up and demanding justice after he led the charge, forcing the police department to take the case more seriously.
- Theories circulated about the parents, school, and Mormon Temple involvement, though Tim says he doesn't know what's true.
- 3 min
New York Post Puts the One Black Guy on the Cover
#Tim mocks the New York Post for putting a photo of "Mr. Fantastic," one of the only black members of the mostly white Gilbert goons, on its front page instead of any of the white suspects.
6moments
- New York Post puts the one Black guy from an affluent Arizona gang on the front page, ignoring the white members of the group.
- The Black suspect's name is Mr. Fantastic, which Tim says doesn't help the situation.
- Tim notes the gang attacks are more of a white thing than a Black thing, but the Post ran with the afro anyway.
- Reddit and Nextdoor are full of lurid theories about the gang, the parents allegedly in Costa Rica, and which kid is actually involved.
- One of the suspects' mothers showed up in threads claiming she doesn't even know him and demanding proof he killed anyone.
- Tim finds the weird mom energy on Reddit threads defending her son from murder charges genuinely funny and timing-appropriate.
- 1 min
The Suspicious Mom Defending Her Son on Reddit
#Tim describes a bizarre Reddit thread where a mother anonymously argues against accusations that her son is involved in the killing, demanding proof while denying she even knows him.
4moments
- A suspicious Reddit thread defender hiding behind an avatar is likely the accused person's mom.
- The mom argues with people laying out evidence instead of providing actual proof of her son's innocence.
- Tim theorizes moms might be coordinating to spread disinformation about their sons' crimes on Reddit.
- Tim calls CAA trying to buy the IP rights to the story before someone makes a movie about it.
- 10 min
Pitching the Gilbert Goons Netflix Movie (and Demanding the IP)
#Tim goes on an extended fantasy riff about acquiring the intellectual property rights to the Gilbert goons story, imagining pitch meetings with Hollywood executives, casting Sarah Snook as the mom, marching into Netflix with a pro-Israel faction of the Nation of Islam as screenwriters, and mocking a New York Times article about Gaza tunnels for its lack of "Gentile" bylines.
10moments
- Tim demands intellectual property rights to a Netflix series about the case
- Walking into Hollywood pitch meetings as a fat guy who likes Trump gets him thrown out immediately
- Studio executives treat him as a novelty—someone's crazy wife down in Palm Beach loves him, but they can't work with him
- This time he's pitching white suburban kids, a police cover-up, rich people, and desert landscapes—things studios actually want to make
- Tim pivots to Gaza bombing campaign, calling Andrew Sullivan's description of it as 'infanticide' hard to argue with
- New York Times article on Hamas tunnels written by Jewish bylines while massive protests call Biden 'Genocide Joe'
- He wants the IP because it's his story—rich white people committing murders in desert landscapes with purple sunsets
- Tim will make this story perfect and bang audiences over the head with its message, unlike shows that subtly convey meaning
- Before the kid gets killed on screen, characters will explicitly say they can get away with it because they're white men
- He's serious about this: it's his ticket, and the IP teaches lessons that apply to everyone
- 5 min
Watching the Gilbert Police Chief's Press Conference
#Tim plays and reacts to a clip of the Gilbert police chief denying a cover-up in the goons case, while continuing to insist the IP rights to the story are his.
10moments
- Tim speculates about a major arrest coming down in Gilbert based on inside sources.
- Police chief of Gilbert, Arizona holds a press conference about ongoing violent attacks in the city.
- Tim casts the Gilbert police chief story as a Netflix series in his head, already envisioning the whole production.
- He pitches walking into Netflix with a pro-Israel sect of the Nation of Islam as co-writers to develop a show about the case.
- Tim settles on calling the show 'The Desert Goons' or similar, threatening to cancel the whole thing if he can't make it happen.
- Police chief admits the department could have released the suspect video to the public sooner.
- Community members ask the police chief if there's a cover-up regarding which suspects have and haven't been arrested.
- Chief denies allegations of a cover-up but Tim interrupts to claim ownership of the story as his own film and series project.
- Tim shifts the narrative: this is his moment and his story, combining justice for the victim with his own shot at getting a check from a network.
- He warns Adam McKay and other filmmakers that this project belongs to him and he will protect his claim to it.
GilbertNation of IslamNetflixHBOAdam McKay
- 2 min
A Brief History of Beverly Hills 90210
#Tim reminisces about growing up watching Beverly Hills 90210 and its cast, comparing it to Melrose Place and noting the show's influence on the teen soap genre.
4moments
- Beverly Hills 90210 was a great show when Tim was growing up about Dylan, Brenda, and Steve Sanders.
- Ian Ziering, who played Steve, was beaten by bikers in Hollywood recently.
- The show's cast included Tory Spelling, whose father Aaron Spelling created it, and Gabriella Carteras, who later headed SAG.
- Tim preferred Melrose Place to Beverly Hills 90210, though he was in the minority.
Beverly Hills 90210Melrose PlaceIan ZieringGabrielle CarterisTory SpellingAaron SpellingBrian Austin Green
- 3 min
What Beverly Hills Actually Is
#Tim describes the real Beverly Hills as a Republican-leaning enclave of lawyers, doctors, plastic surgeons and Persian residents that dodges LA's liberal mandates like vaccine and mask rules.
6moments
- Beverly Hills 90210 was the main show that shaped public perception of the city growing up.
- Beverly Hills is actually just a wealthy enclave full of lawyers, doctors, plastic surgeons, and foreign money—not where actors live.
- The city has two distinct sections: the flat area and the hills, with some surprisingly low-rent apartments that drag down property values.
- Beverly Hills is Republican, not liberal as people assume, with older residents and many Persian Republicans.
- Beverly Hills gets around LA's regulations—rejecting vaccine mandates, mask mandates, and the mansion tax that applies elsewhere in the city.
- Malibu does the same thing as Beverly Hills, opting out of progressive LA policies like defunding the police.
Beverly HillsBeverly Hills 90210Real Housewives of Beverly HillsMalibuPacific PalisadesDawson's Creek
- 5 min
Tim explains a judge's ruling halting all building permits in Beverly Hills until the city approves affordable housing, mocking the idea of putting low-income housing in one of the world's richest cities.
10moments
- Beverly Hills should have affordable housing for poor people, which Tim argues is one of the worst places to actually be poor.
- Tim describes being broke for ten years doing comedy in New York—living on dollar slices and smoking on roofs—versus the misery of being poor in Beverly Hills.
- Getting a $19 smoothie when you're broke in Beverly Hills is worse than nearly anything else, Tim argues.
- The affordable housing in Beverly Hills would be for low-income people, which Tim questions as a practical solution.
- If an entire city is exclusively designed for rich people, it's actually a shitty place to live if you're broke.
- California has halted all construction permits in Beverly Hills until more affordable housing exists.
- No permits for anything—not just major builds but bathrooms, kitchens, stairs, decks—until affordable housing requirements are met.
- Apartment building owners in Beverly Hills can't get permits to repair things their tenants have complained about, either.
- Poor people living in substandard Beverly Hills apartments also can't get landlord repairs done because of the permit freeze.
- Judge Curtis Akin blocked the city from issuing construction permits.
- 4 min
The Big Brother Judge Behind the Ruling
#Tim discovers the judge who issued the Beverly Hills ruling, Curtis Kin, was once a contestant on Big Brother, and riffs on California being run by ex-reality stars backed by Big Tech wealth.
8moments
- Tim questions who Judge Curtis Akin is, noting he's a young Asian-American man who should be weighing in on local politics.
- The judge was a contestant on Big Brother and is now blocking building permits in Beverly Hills—getting back at reality TV producers.
- Tim argues California is being taken down by ex-reality stars and notes the state can get away with insanity because of Northern California's trillion-dollar tech market.
- Political figures like Newsom, Feinstein, and Pelosi become celebrities because they're backed by Big Tech money, allowing them wackier policies than New York politicians could manage.
- Tim expresses disbelief that homeowners cannot renovate because a Big Brother contestant became a judge enforcing a building moratorium.
- The show isn't about the game anymore but about what people do to one another—a matter of negotiation, and California deserves this chaos.
- Judge Curtis Akin was appointed by Jerry Brown, not elected, and rules based on the notion that broke people want to live in Beverly Hills buying $80 cheese.
- The LA Times frames the ruling as a moratorium over lack of affordable housing, while the reality is everyone's just fixing pool grottoes and hitting homeless people.
Big BrotherCurtis AkinaCaliforniaGavin NewsomJerry BrownNancy PelosiDianne FeinsteinVictor Davis Hanson+2 more
- 4 min
Converting Audi Dealerships Into Apartments
#Tim mocks the plan to convert defunct car dealerships along Wilshire into low-income housing, contrasting it with the city's massive homelessness and drug crisis, and quotes a Municipal League spokesman's odd "sardines" metaphor.
9moments
- Tim describes LA's plan to convert Audi dealerships and car lots to low-income housing.
- Converting an Audi dealership into seven apartments is the response to 110,000 people on the street suffering from drug addiction.
- Tim mocks the idea of poor people living in Beverly Hills low-income housing and bragging about their ZIP code.
- The logic of placing low-income housing in one of the country's most expensive cities—where resources and plastic surgeons matter—doesn't make sense.
- Thomas White of the Municipal League opposes the plan with a metaphor: too many sardines in a can becomes inedible.
- Tim offers Beverly Hills residents a blueprint for opposing the housing plan the right way.
- He claims to know the Audi dealership location well and can explain how to get the plan killed.
- The quote from Thomas White about sardines in a can is exactly what the LA Times reported.
- Low-income housing policy requires understanding facts and truth, Tim insists.
Beverly HillsThomas White
- 3 min
Poor People Don't Actually Want to Live in Beverly Hills
#Tim argues low-income people would be miserable in Beverly Hills, comparing it to dropping Daytona Beach "white trash" into Palm Beach's Colony Hotel, and says the opposition to the housing plan is actually for the poor's own good.
6moments
- Poor people actually like other poor people and get along well together.
- Tim argues that Daytona Beach white trash dropped in Palm Beach wouldn't enjoy it because they want burgers and topless waitresses, not luxury dining.
- Tim claims his opposition to low-income housing in Beverly Hills is actually for their benefit, not his.
- Low-income tourists already walk Rodeo Drive; they don't need to live in Beverly Hills, they just need to go home.
- Beverly Hills is pointless for poor people since coffee costs eighteen dollars and there's nothing they can afford to do there.
- Tim describes Beverly Hills as a town where everyone gets cosmetic surgery and fills prescriptions while pretending to eat salads.
Beverly HillsDaytona BeachPalm Beach
- 2 min
Beverly Hills Is Just Pills and Pretend Salads
#Tim paints Beverly Hills as a town solely devoted to filling prescriptions and cosmetic surgery, arguing it's cruel to relocate low-income people into that lifestyle.
6moments
- Tim contrasts Beverly Hills with Gilbert, Arizona, where you can race Chili's in the dirt.
- To really enjoy Beverly Hills, you need to be filling a prescription and taking pills with a heated steering wheel.
- Beverly Hills life involves going home and staring in the mirror to check if your neck stapling worked.
- Poor people are actually lovely and earnest, and it's cruel to force them into Beverly Hills' den of snakes.
- Tim argues Beverly Hills residents should publicly admit they're bad and don't want to ruin low-income people's lives by housing them in their Audi dealership.
- The Beverly Hills mayor is a woman, and Tim wants to request a meeting with her about low-income housing.
Beverly HillsLily BossGilbert ArizonaChili's
- 3 min
Mayor Lily Boss's Underground Tunnel Solution
#Tim fixates on Beverly Hills Mayor Lily Boss's appearance and invents an elaborate fantasy monologue for her proposing Hamas-style tunnels under Beverly Hills as subterranean low-income housing.
5moments
- Tim introduces Lily Boss, the mayor of Beverly Hills, comparing her appearance to a $100 bill.
- Tim scripts what Lily should say to the community about enriching Beverly Hills properly.
- Tim proposes using Hamas's tunnel system as a model for building low-income housing underground in Beverly Hills.
- Tim elaborates on the tunnel concept: a subterranean city with check-cashing places, food vendors, and tattoo shops for low-income residents.
- Tim insists the underground housing tunnel network idea is workable and not a bad solution.
HamasBeverly HillsLily Weiss
- 5 min
The Hot Houthi Pirate Thirst Trap
#Tim reacts to a viral video of an attractive Houthi fighter dubbed a "hot pirate," joking that modern terrorism has become a thirst trap rather than something frightening, lamenting the loss of old-school terrifying terrorism.
10moments
- Tim opens on a Houthi fighter going viral on TikTok for being attractive, banned after the video spread.
- People will masturbate to him regardless of his "death to America" messaging—his attractiveness overrides the ideology.
- Turning Yemeni fighters into gay sex symbols is an effective counterinsurgency strategy, making them too embarrassed to fight.
- Is this what terrorism is now—just being hot on a boat instead of actually killing people?
- This video makes Tim want to masturbate rather than feel terrified, the opposite of how terrorism used to work.
- Tim laments that nothing is like it used to be; terrorism has lost its values and standards.
- Terrorists used to commit to cutting people's heads off and lighting them on fire, not doing thirst traps on TikTok.
- America respected its created and funded terrorists when they kept doing increasingly crazy things; now they're just hot.
- Maybe the new terrorist plan is just to be hot and sexy because they've gotten as lazy as America.
- The system: America gives enemies money and weapons, they do heinous stuff, America kills them, then the cycle repeats.
HouthisTikTokDaniel PearlYemenUnited StatesCleveland
- 2 min
Casting the Gilbert Goons Shoot (Sarah Snook and Iguanas)
#Tim returns to his Gilbert Goons movie fantasy, directing an imaginary photo shoot with iguanas and bearded dragons and casting Sarah Snook as the mom.
5moments
- Tim directs the shoot: iguana on the left, cactus on the right, not a Miami setup
- He pushes for a bearded dragon instead to get a better closeup for the emotional heart of the bit
- Sarah Snook from Succession cast as the mom of one of the goons
- Tim seeks a young actor type for the Gilbert goon role, considers the kid from The Mick
- He promises the show will be amazing, promotes timlandcomedy.com
- 2 min
Tim runs through his upcoming tour dates including San Antonio, Dallas, Atlanta, Chicago, Dania Beach, and Phoenix, plugging timdillancomedy.com.
4moments
- Tim lists upcoming tour dates across multiple cities including San Antonio, Dallas, Atlanta, St. Louis, Indianapolis, and Westchester.
- Boston shows at the Wilbur are almost sold out with a fourth date likely being added.
- Dania Beach Improv in Florida near Fort Lauderdale added to the tour; Tim will stay in Palm Beach.
- Tim describes Palm Beach as his spiritual home despite lacking the funds to live there, feeling more at peace there than anywhere else he's been.
Palm BeachChicagoBostonAtlantaAtlantic CityDallasDania BeachIndianapolis+4 more
- 2 min
Tim transitions into an ExpressVPN sponsor read, describing how ISPs can sell browsing data and how a VPN lets you access other countries' Netflix libraries.
5moments
- People stop Tim in the street asking how to protect themselves from government spying and data harvesting by private companies.
- Tim explains that without a VPN, internet service providers can see every website you visit and legally sell that information to advertisers.
- With ExpressVPN, you can access content from other countries' Netflix libraries like Korean or UK Netflix.
- Tim pitches ExpressVPN as easy to use—fire up the app, click one button, works on phones, laptops, and routers to protect everyone on your Wi-Fi.
- Tim claims everyone he's ever met uses ExpressVPN, and everyone who hasn't is no longer with us.
- 1 min
Sign Off: Solidarity With Beverly Hills
#Tim closes wishing strength to his "brothers and sisters in Beverly Hills" amid the housing fight and signs off for the night.
2moments
- Tim's birthday wish: Israel and Palestine to chill out, do a big concert with Jelly Roll, and just have fun together.
- Plugs his road dates and signs off.