Episode 256 · The Ben Avery Era
#256 - The Announcement | The Tim Dillon Show
Jun 13, 2021 · 1:17:50 · 486,000 views · 17 segments, 121 moments indexed
Tim makes a huge announcement, implicates Ben's wife and berates him, talks big momma's in the city, and interviews writer Bari Weiss.
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- 2 min
Cold Open: Blaming Ben for Being Late
#Tim opens by ribbing his producer Ben for showing up late, riffing on the excuse involving a friend in town and a moved recording time before finally deciding to start.
4moments
- Tim welcomes the audience to the show, noting they're starting a little late.
- Ben blames heavy traffic and says he tried to be on time.
- Tim reveals Ben had to leave a friend who was visiting from Austin to get to the job.
- Tim tells Ben to go back to his friend and offers to figure out how to produce the show himself.
- 2 min
Austin Mass Shooting and a 'Big Announcement' Tease
#Tim notes a downtown Austin mass shooting where, in fitting fashion, no one died, then builds absurd suspense around a supposedly massive announcement he's about to make.
3moments
- Austin mass shooting downtown leaves 13 injured with no deaths—Tim notes the city can't even do that right.
- Tim teases a big announcement coming on the show, claiming it will be shocking and paradigm-shifting.
- The announcement has no foreshadowing and comes completely out of the blue, shaking Tim to his core.
- 4 min
Ben's Wife's Affair with Joe Rogan (The Big Announcement)
#Tim delivers the 'big announcement' as an elaborate fabricated story that Ben's wife Katie has been having a long-running affair with Joe Rogan, which supposedly forced them to move to Austin, before revealing the real reason the show is leaving town.
7moments
- Ben's wife told them five months ago she was having an affair with Joe Rogan.
- Tim explains the difficulty of Ben's wife continuing the affair despite Joe's generosity to both of them.
- Ben's wife insisted on moving to Austin so she could keep having sex with Joe Rogan without flying back and forth.
- The affair continued even on the morning of Ben and his wife's wedding.
- At the wedding, after drinking, Ben's wife announced to the group that she had sex with Joe that morning.
- A disagreement happened between Ben's wife and Joe, and the affair has now stopped.
- Because of Ben's wife, Tim Dillon is leaving Austin, Texas.
- 15 min
Why The Show Is Leaving Austin
#Tim explains, mixing sincerity and exaggeration, why he's moving the show out of Austin after four months, tearing into the city's slacker culture, bad barbecue, bachelorette tourists, tech transplants, and the general vibe versus L.A., while Ben admits he hasn't told his wife yet.
17moments
- Tim moved to Austin because quarantine had warped everyone's minds and he needed something new, despite LA's problems.
- Austin felt like Brooklyn to him — fun but hipster-filled, small, and not a world-class city compared to where he'd lived.
- He says he was wrong; Austin is a city for failed artists who never made it in New York or LA, a culture of slackers.
- Joe Rogan wants to create a comedy hub here, but he's fighting against Austin's inherent slacker culture that's been around forever.
- Austin has many problems of Los Angeles — homeless people, a mass shooting last night with 13 injured, and a shooter still on the loose.
- He tried to get in a groove with the city but couldn't; he's only been downtown four or five times, and homeless people threw bottles at them.
- The comedy community of Austin consists of slugs — sloth-like losers to the bone whose stench of human failure infects the air.
- The food is terrible; only two places make good barbecue, and Franklin has a nine-hour line staffed by rude tattooed lesbians.
- Austin is the bachelorette capital of the South — drunk women and men with itchy trigger fingers shooting people on Sixth Street.
- The town has nothing to do with music; it's just heroin addicts occasionally playing melodies on the street after defecating.
- He tried playing pickleball and meeting tech people, some of whom looked dangerous and kept him on edge but that's exhausting now.
- He's had about enough; you can't even jump in the creek without a reservation, and he needs to work on Caitlyn Jenner's campaign in person.
- A mass shooting happened last night at the Vulcan Gas Company, the venue of the moment — it's time to go.
- Ben will have to fly in every week for the show while they suggested gaslighting Ben's wife into thinking she made them move.
- Downtown Austin is utter chaos and hell — seven square blocks where two of them are like Fallujah, with danger and violence.
- He's done with Austin; he's leaving and won't be going anywhere immediately, but the experiment is over.
- The quarantine was like an acid trip without taking acid, and now it's time to move on from this failed Austin chapter.
AustinJoe RoganDonald TrumpCaitlyn JennerLos AngelesMatthew McConaugheySandra BullockMike Judge+2 more
- 9 min
The Fat Bachelorette Gets Shot on Sixth Street
#Tim spins an extended, increasingly graphic fictional scenario of a bachelorette party girl getting shot by a mass shooter on Sixth Street, surviving, and turning it into a lifetime Instagram profile picture moment years later.
11moments
- Tim compares Austin's charm to Lizzo's "the truth hurts" — he doesn't understand the appeal of the city.
- Sixth Street drunk bachelorette parties: five fat drunk women from Nashville falling down and getting in a tub of macaroni and cheese.
- Tim has decided to leave Austin and is not interested in performing at Moon Tower or SXSW.
- His wife got excited about Texas, started seeing fiddle players, which worried Tim because it represented everything he left behind.
- The food is trash, and the people are like Disney movie witches who got fat — what Maleficent would be if she started a podcast and ate 14 sandwiches a day.
- Austin is actually a great American city with good real estate investment potential, and Tim loves it there.
- The city offers a good balance: you can get followed by a homeless guy, catch a stray bullet on Sixth Street, or ride in an Uber that kidnaps you.
- Tim is moving to Los Angeles next year; people predicted he'd last four months in Austin and he lasted about four months.
- They need to gaslight Katie into thinking she made them move to LA because she has a crush on Joe Rogan.
- Tim describes going back to Beverly Hills as leaving for an underprivileged area where people have real jobs like "sex slave slash assassin PA on black-ish."
- A successful person bringing around a fat drug addict thief and insisting they're good while the addict shoots heroin: this is the goal Austin represents.
- 5 min
City Cultures: Miami, New Orleans, New York, L.A., and Austin
#Tim compares the distinct 'cultures' of different American cities—Miami and New Orleans as parties, New York as a grind, L.A. as fake sociopaths—arguing Austin's culture is one of failure that should be left alone.
10moments
- Culture of a city matters — Miami's a party, New Orleans is fun, New York is a hectic race to death that sharpens people.
- L.A. is a den of sociopaths and narcissists where fakeness becomes real, people stuffing avocado toast down genetically engineered throats.
- Austin is a den of failures, a place for losers and fat bachelorettes who feel like they're going to the big city.
- Tim describes a woman at a bachelorette party in Austin whose useless brain bounces around as she gyrates to Cardi B's "Up."
- A mass shooter sees the woman gyrating, apologizes to Joe Rogan and comedy, then fires wildly into the crowd and hits her.
- The bullet barely stops her; she barely feels it and keeps dancing until her friends tell her she's been shot.
- Her fiancée calls asking if she's okay; she survives and gets workman's comp and disability, can't go back to work.
- Years later she returns to the spot with her husband and two children, pointing out where mommy got shot on Sixth Street.
- She makes a photo of where the bullet went through her body her profile picture with a stolen quote about appreciating life's little things.
- That photo of where mommy got shot on Sixth Street is all Austin will ever be.
- 2 min
Tim reads a sponsor spot for Liquid I.V., touting hydration flavors, electrolyte science, and their pandemic donation efforts, with a promo code for listeners.
1moment
- Tim jokes that people ask if his on-stage energy comes from cocaine, but it's actually Liquid I.V.
- 1 min
Tim promotes Gabi as a tool for comparing auto and home insurance quotes, citing his own experience switching policies and the average savings customers see.
4moments
- Tim pitches Gabi Insurance as a real-time quote comparison platform for auto and home insurance.
- He used Gabi himself when buying a car and found a cheaper policy with the same coverage.
- Average savings are $900 a year, and Gabi won't sell your information or generate spam calls.
- Most people don't even know what they're spending on insurance because accurate comparisons are hard to get.
- 6 min
Tim introduces journalist Barry Weiss as a counterpoint to a prior guest's anti-Israel segment, and she opens by arguing the conflict is fundamentally about whether Israel has a right to exist, not about borders.
7moments
- Tim introduces Barry Weiss to present the pro-Israel perspective after last week's segment with Abby Martin drew anger from viewers
- Barry jokes that the Mossad gave her special dispensation to appear on the show
- Tim asks what the mainstream narrative is getting wrong about Israel-Palestine, noting the power imbalance and language like apartheid and genocide
- Barry argues the conflict is fundamentally about whether Israel has a right to exist, not about borders
- The real issue, according to Barry, is whether Jews have a right to self-determination and any presence in the Middle East at all
- Tim pushes back on the 9/11 discussion, noting legitimate questions about what happened and that Saudi Arabia was covered for years
- Barry identifies what she calls a giant lie being told about Israel: that Jews are white colonizers with no connection to the land
- 8 min
Barry Weiss lays out Jewish historical ties to the land, the 1947-48 partition plan, and argues that Israel's 2005 Gaza withdrawal led to Hamas rule rather than peace, shaping her view on West Bank occupation fears.
10moments
- Tim debunks the claim that Israel has systematically taken Palestinian land since 1948 as a fantasy created by people with short attention spans.
- Jewish people originate from the Middle East and have a three-thousand-year connection to the region that predates modern concepts of race and religion.
- Jews themselves were colonized repeatedly—by Romans, Byzantines, Crusaders, Ottomans, and the British.
- The Romans renamed the region Syria Palestina after the Philistines as punishment to the Jews, using the name of their mortal enemies.
- Israel is unique among indigenous populations in actually getting a chance to return to its homeland after the Holocaust.
- The UN partition plan of 1947-1948 offered Jews and Arabs equal territory, Jews accepted it, but Palestinians rejected it and every subsequent land-split offer.
- The core question is whether Jews have any right to self-determination in any piece of their indigenous land.
- Tim acknowledges legitimate criticism of Netanyahu's right-wing policies, settlement expansion, and home evictions while defending Israel's existence.
- In 2005, Israel withdrew completely from Gaza, leaving behind infrastructure, but Hamas used it as a base for rocket attacks and genocidal rhetoric.
- Israeli fear of pulling out of the West Bank stems from what happened in Gaza—potential Hamas statelets on both borders with Israel's narrow midpoint making it an existential threat.
IsraelHamasBenjamin NetanyahuPalestiniansRomansPhilistines
- 3 min
Tim reads back-to-back sponsor segments for BetterHelp online therapy and BlueChew chewable ED medication, including his usual riffing about calling a therapist and promo codes.
4moments
- Tim reads BetterHelp ad, explaining online counseling availability and the service's flexibility with therapist matching.
- Tim describes his personal BetterHelp routine: calling in the morning to talk to a counselor named Ross who tells him not to be sad.
- Tim transitions to BlueChew ad, opening with 'the penises are out' and noting summer is here for meeting people.
- Tim says he loves BlueChew and sometimes takes it just to look at the result before going back to bed.
- 3 min
Tim reads back-to-back sponsor segments for BetterHelp online therapy and BlueChew chewable ED medication, including his usual riffing about calling a therapist and promo codes.
4moments
- Tim reads BetterHelp ad, explaining online counseling availability and the service's flexibility with therapist matching.
- Tim describes his personal BetterHelp routine: calling in the morning to talk to a counselor named Ross who tells him not to be sad.
- Tim transitions to BlueChew ad, opening with 'the penises are out' and noting summer is here for meeting people.
- Tim says he loves BlueChew and sometimes takes it just to look at the result before going back to bed.
- 1 min
Tim does a cross-promotional read for the podcast 'Another Podcast Show,' joking about its bizarre recurring topics and asking listeners to leave reviews mentioning him.
3moments
- Tim promotes 'Another Podcast Show,' a podcast featuring Dylan Rand, Patrick Hickey, and Nick Davis.
- The show covers trending topics unconstrained by reality TV recap rules: Native American shoe salesmen, illuminati recruiters in rural Jamaica, culinary union fights, and escaping Las Vegas.
- Tim's closing pitch: if they weren't doing the podcast, they'd be doing mass shootings instead.
Another Podcast ShowDylan Rand Patrick HickeyNick DavisFake business
- 4 min
Tim asks why Israel demonized the secular PLO and whether Hamas represents all Palestinians; Barry Weiss distinguishes Hamas leadership from ordinary Gazans and touts the new Israeli coalition government with an Arab party as a hopeful sign.
9moments
- Tim discusses why the PLO was a more secular negotiating option for Israel compared to Hamas.
- Distinguishing between Hamas as a dictatorial regime and ordinary Palestinians who simply want a good life.
- The question of who Israel can actually negotiate with now that a ceasefire has been reached.
- A historic Israeli coalition government now includes an Arab party for the first time ever.
- Israel signing peace agreements with Qatar, the UAE, and Saudi Arabia under Trump represents a major regional shift.
- Peace becomes possible only if Palestinian leadership accepts that Israel is not going away.
- Twenty percent of Israeli citizens are Israeli Arabs or Palestinians; they serve in the Knesset and win reality TV shows.
- Large gap between what legacy press and social media present about the region versus the actual reality on the ground.
- Tim acknowledges that shelling the Associated Press building is not a positive thing despite broader context arguments.
- 4 min
They discuss the AP building strike and Barry argues Hamas deliberately embeds in hospitals and schools to maximize civilian casualties, while also detailing the persecution of Christians and Palestinians across the Arab world.
8moments
- Hamas's strategy is to let its people suffer and die by launching rockets from inside hospitals and kindergartens.
- Israel has gone to insane degrees to mitigate civilian casualties, but the situation is still horrible.
- Tim supports a two-state solution and believes Palestinian leadership accepting Israel's existence is key to peace.
- Christians should have a turn at dominance in the Middle East since other religions have had theirs.
- There has been a systemic purge of Christians from the Middle East over the past several years, except in Israel.
- Israel is clearly a more tolerant society than surrounding regions, as evidenced by persecuted minorities seeking refuge there.
- Progressives overlook persecution of Muslim minorities worldwide—Uyghurs in China, Palestinians in Lebanon—but focus on Israel.
- A Palestinian refugee in Kuwait was treated as a third-class citizen, unable to attend university in the morning like other students.
- 7 min
Tim presses on settlement expansion and the Sheikh Jarrah evictions while Barry argues the disproportionate global media obsession with Israel compared to other conflicts, and how anti-Israel rhetoric translates into real-world antisemitic attacks.
10moments
- Tim argues Israel needs defined borders and that the constant expansion and settlements in the West Bank appear based on agitation.
- The Sheikh Jarrah evictions involved only six homes, yet the incident exploded in media coverage and symbolized broader occupation issues.
- Tim pushes back on why this conflict receives obsessive media attention compared to other long-standing global conflicts.
- America's strong support for Israel means U.S. policy decisions—like Trump moving the embassy to Jerusalem—amplify the conflict's news footprint.
- Tim notes the U.S. gives tens of billions in foreign aid globally, yet Israel receives disproportionate scrutiny and discussion.
- Caravans waving Palestinian flags have targeted Jews at restaurants and in neighborhoods, with real violence and threats occurring in America and abroad.
- The way people talk about Israel affects how Jews are treated worldwide, which is why American Jews care so intensely about the narrative.
- BDS bills don't ban individual speech; they prevent state contracts with companies supporting the boycott movement, similar to sanctions on white supremacist organizations.
- BDS is explicitly about erasing Israel, not about Palestinian statehood or opposing occupation—the question is whether that goal itself is antisemitic.
- Most young people supporting BDS don't understand the movement's actual goal of eliminating the state, thinking they're simply backing the underdog.
BDS movementBen ShapiroSheikh JarrahHamas
- 4 min
They debate whether BDS amounts to advocating Israel's elimination versus legitimate protest, Barry explains her exit from the New York Times, plugs her newsletter and upcoming podcast, and Tim closes with a joke about brokering peace between airbnb-banned lesbians and Christians reclaiming credit for doing nothing wrong.
9moments
- BDS is about the elimination of the largest Jewish community on planet earth.
- Barry Weiss explains she Jerry McGuired herself out of the New York Times.
- The most interesting independent voices right now are on the outside of institutions, not inside them.
- Weiss directs people to her Substack newsletter and upcoming podcast.
- Tim mentions his favorite Barry Weiss segment involved the Airbnb lesbians.
- Tim reveals he's actually banned from Airbnb and has to use Ben's account.
- Tim argues lesbians shouldn't be decorating homes, identifying it as a natural conflict between gays and lesbians.
- Christians should be giving the whole area back because they've never done anything to anyone.
- It's too much with the Jews and Arabs all the time—bring the Christians in and do Easter instead.