Episode 302 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#302 - Put Them In A Big Pot | The Tim Dillon Show
Jun 12, 2022 · 1:22:51 · 552,000 views · 22 segments, 132 moments indexed
Tim finally gets a personal trainer and is reinventing himself, is torn on solutions to help the homeless, imagines what Rick Caruso will do for the Pride Parade in Los Angeles, and has a short interview at the end with comedian and…
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- 7 min
Introducing My New Personal Trainer, Pat
#Tim introduces his new personal trainer Pat, in a mock-sincere fitness testimonial bit about self-improvement, referencing Pat's past client Ralphie May (who died), Pat's own weight-loss journey, and absurd training advice like avoiding gyms for years and focusing on breathing.
10moments
- Tim decided to get a personal trainer after putting it off out of fear.
- Pat understood Tim's limitations and potential during their consultation.
- Pat was Ralph Maradona's personal trainer and got his money despite the results.
- Pat's training plan for Tim: lots of walking, no gym for three to four years.
- Pat has trained Lizzo and is getting serious about her fitness.
- Pat once weighed over 400 or 500 pounds and completely transformed his body.
- Breathing and breath control are the most important starting point, more than weights or cardio.
- Tim jokes that he hopes Pat won't die like Ralph did.
- After two months of working together, they haven't done anything physically yet—just reading about gym history and theory.
- Pat admits it's a really good paycheck when asked if he'll stay committed.
LizzoRalph Mae
- 2 min
Tim reads a Helix Sleep ad about taking their quiz and getting matched with a firm mattress, riffing on sleep quality and the ten-year warranty and free pillows offer.
8moments
- Tim took the Helix quiz and was matched with a firm mattress for side sleeping.
- Sleeping is one of the most important things in life because you're rested and ready to take on everything.
- Helix fills out a quiz and figures out what kind of mattress you need based on how you think.
- Tim jokes that for someone thoughtless like him, Helix would have to get a bed for a genius.
- Tim says all of his beds are Helix and they ship easily in a box.
- Listeners get up to $200 off mattress orders and two free pillows.
- Helix mattresses are cheap and come with great shipping options and a 10-year warranty.
- Tim believes Helix is taking over the mattress market.
- 3 min
Pat's Backstory and Muscular Dystrophy Trip
#Tim explains that 'Pat' has muscular dystrophy and was flown out to California with his mother and nurse to be part of the show, defending it as a selfless act while insisting he doesn't need credit for it.
5moments
- Tim introduces Pat, a friend with muscular dystrophy whom they flew to California with his mother and nurse.
- Tim argues the press should write about him bringing Pat out rather than fabricating stories about his homes.
- Tim insists he's not mentioning the gesture for publicity, framing it as something anyone would have done.
- Pat's nurse was erratic and ended up stealing his credit card and engaging in sex work for crack on Sunset Boulevard at 3 AM.
- The nurse had been rehired for this gig after being fired previously, possibly for doing drugs with the patient.
PatTrash Tuesday
- 1 min
Pat's Wild Nurse Stealing Credit Cards for Crack
#A wild tangent about the nurse who accompanied Pat, describing him raiding the minibar, stealing a credit card, and allegedly sucking dick for crack on Sunset Boulevard.
2moments
- Tim describes how the nurse went wild in LA, raiding the minibar, stealing the kid's credit card, smoking crack, and allegedly performing sex acts for more crack.
- Pat uses a voice app to publicly announce that the nurse is an alcoholic who drinks all day, creating an awkward situation at lunch.
- 4 min
Tim discusses the recall of San Francisco DA Chesa Boudin and the city's harm-reduction drug policies, riffing on fentanyl, addicts, and a romanticized 'junkie chic' aesthetic he claims to find appealing.
9moments
- Chesa Boudin, the San Francisco district attorney, was just recalled in an election.
- Boudin treated drug addicts the way Tim treats friends who aren't on drugs—ignoring them completely.
- San Francisco has almost no Republicans; they all left already, so the left recalled one of their own.
- San Francisco's harm reduction policy creates areas for drug users to use safely, but many overdose and die.
- Fentanyl makes it easier for people to use drugs in San Francisco than other cities.
- Tim jokes that fentanyl is good and recommends friends get a drug addiction since it's not a bad way to die.
- There's something glamorous about being a real junkie on the street, which Tim finds attractive aesthetically.
- Tim romanticizes the image of a troubled junkie locked in her room, her pain traced back to childhood trauma.
- Tim argues it's important for children to see people seizing, foaming at the mouth, and breaking into cars on the streets.
- 2 min
LA Inequality, Tents, and Rick Caruso's Grove
#Tim describes the extreme inequality among unhoused people in LA, then pivots to Rick Caruso, the developer behind The Grove, comparing the shopping center to Paris and setting up his mayoral run.
4moments
- Tim's Irish friend is stunned by the inequality in California, especially visible in LA.
- Rick Caruso, who built the Grove shopping center, is now running for mayor as homelessness intensifies in the city.
- Tim acknowledges there's nothing wrong with the Grove's clientele; they're the people who keep things running.
- Caruso is a billionaire developer who has entered LA politics amid the homelessness crisis.
- 3 min
Discussion of Caruso winning a plurality but heading to a runoff, and a broader rant on how neither the left's harm-reduction approach nor the right's bootstraps approach is solving LA's homelessness and drug crisis.
7moments
- Rick Caruso wins the mayoral primary with 42 percent to 37 percent, triggering a runoff since no candidate cleared 50 percent.
- Caruso owns the Grove, a shopping center in Los Angeles with a trolley that takes people directly into stores.
- Tim on why he's less angry about homelessness than others: the dysfunction seems appropriate for a culture that stopped caring about problems long ago.
- Homelessness didn't happen overnight—it's the result of years of institutional indifference and making it easier for drug addicts to use drugs in public.
- Tim lists possible solutions—legalize drugs, build housing, set up methadone clinics, or use extreme enforcement like Singapore and Indonesia do.
- The choice comes down to two extremes: compassionately house drug users and gently suggest they stop, or execute them like Indonesia does.
- Tim concludes the middle ground doesn't work, which is apparently what Los Angeles is currently trying.
homelessnessRick Carusodrug policyLos AngelesSingaporeIndonesiaSanta Monica
- 2 min
Tim floats extreme binary solutions to drug addiction, citing Rodrigo Duterte's drug war killings in the Philippines and Singapore's death penalty as one extreme versus legalization and compassionate housing as the other.
5moments
- Tim outlines the two options for dealing with homelessness: kill them all like Indonesia does, or build affordable housing and get high with them.
- Homelessness has multiple causes ranging from crippling drug addiction to being a horrible podcast producer.
- Over 7,000 killed in the Philippines in six months under Duterte, yet Tim says he keeps being told not to like this guy and finds him a very interesting person.
- Duterte ordered police to kill anyone connected to the drug trade, resulting in 7,025 deaths between July 2016 and January 2017.
- Tim frames killing everyone, even people near drug dealers, as a hardline approach and acknowledges there's got to be a better way than that, perhaps.
- 3 min
Designating a 'Get F***ed Up' Zone for Addicts
#Tim proposes designing a walled-off city section where addicts can use drugs freely without leaving, comparing it to what he imagined Caruso might build, then imagines Caruso instead just burning the homeless.
6moments
- Tim proposes designating an entire section of San Francisco as a 'get fucked up' zone where addicts can use drugs without leaving the area.
- Rick Caruso's potential solution imagined as a designed space for homeless people, complete with a trolley system.
- Tim's dark joke that Caruso might lock addicts in a room and burn them, then pivots to suggesting genocide as a possible option.
- Having to explain genocide to your kids as the downside of the homeless problem solution.
- Tim notes approvingly that there's not much vigilante violence against homeless people, unlike in some hypothetical scenarios.
- Tim clarifies he's running through all possible ideas, not just good ones, including the idea of lighting homeless people on fire.
- 4 min
America's Next Top Homeless Entrepreneur
#An extended bit pitching a reality show where sales gurus like Tai Lopez, Gary Vaynerchuk, and Grant Cardone coach homeless fentanyl addicts to compete as entrepreneurs, with Kris Jenner as guest judge.
6moments
- Tim pitches "America's Next Top Homeless Entrepreneur," a reality show pairing unhoused people in LA with sales trainers like Tai Lopez and Gary Vaynerchuk.
- Instead of hiding homelessness, LA should embrace it by concentrating all homeless people there and celebrating it as the city's defining feature.
- Motivational speakers would coach homeless fentanyl addicts whose minds were scrambled by illegal wars, screaming at them to "stay on brand."
- A contestant breaks character mid-pitch, saying "They told me to do things in Iraq I didn't want to do, I can't stop hearing the voice."
- Tim argues American capitalism could give homeless people self-worth through a reality show where psychopathic contestants attack each other on camera.
- Tim says he's tired of feeling bad for the unhoused and wants them on television now.
Gary VaynerchukGrant CardoneLos AngelesTai LopezKris Jenner
- 2 min
Homeless Big Brother and Burning the Tent
#Continuing the reality-show riff, Tim pitches a 'Homeless Big Brother' show where contestants live in a giant tent that gets burned down at the end, framed as them 'getting houses.'
3moments
- Tim pitches Homeless Big Brother: ten people in a tent in a parking lot, with cameras filming them.
- At the end of the show, they burn the tent down, but it's actually a rescue—the homeless people escape and get houses as a prize.
- Tim says the whole situation has become so problematic that he doesn't know what to do, though he remains hopeful.
- 1 min
Tim reads a BetterHelp online therapy ad about feeling burned out and stressed, mentioning video, phone, and live chat sessions and a discount code.
- 4 min
Tim reviews Caruso's promised policies to clear homeless encampments in Hollywood and Venice Beach, then pivots to criticizing the Uvalde police response to the school shooting, joking that homeless people could be used as a human shield to protect kids.
7moments
- Rick Caruso promises to 'separate the men from the boys' if elected mayor of Los Angeles.
- Caruso's homeless sweep plans target Venice Beach and Hollywood areas.
- Tim on the political extremes: the left wants to let people do heroin on the street, the right wants them to subscribe to the Daily Wire and start businesses.
- The Uvalde school shooting exposes cops who don't actually do anything when it matters.
- Uvalde police chief should just admit he didn't run into the school instead of claiming bravery.
- Tim's cop friends would run into a school and start shooting because they're so brave it's crazy.
- What if homeless people guarded schools as human shields so shooters would have to go through them to reach the kids?
- 7 min
Imagining Rick Caruso's Real Pride Parade Speech
#A long improvised bit imagining Rick Caruso giving a shockingly honest, depraved pride parade speech about LA's history of debauchery, closeted celebrities, and hatred for 'fat lesbian' TV writers, name-dropping Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, and Bryan Singer.
10moments
- Tim notes it's Pride Month and wonders if Rick Caruso will attend the parade.
- Gay people who are rich want Caruso to clean up the city, unlike fat social media critics on Hulu shows.
- Tim imagines Rick Caruso dressed as a leather daddy at a Pride float, giving a speech about making the city safe.
- In the speech, Caruso laments that the city used to be a place where men could have anonymous sex in parks without interruption.
- Caruso's speech includes praising LA for producing artists like Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, and Brett Ratner.
- Tim has Caruso blame fat lesbians for ruining LA and claim the city used to be about cruelty and evil.
- Tim pivots to describing what a real inspiring speech about LA would be: a city where people destroy themselves to reinvent.
- LA is a city about freedom where people befriend demons, and Caruso ends by screaming he wants blood.
- Caruso's closing argument: lesbians used to stay quiet in the Valley, but now fat lesbian comedy writers with no humor dominate the city.
- Tim dismisses education credentials as irrelevant New York nonsense.
Brian SingerHarvey WeinsteinBrett RatnerKevin SpaceyRick CarusoFrancis Ellis
- 2 min
Francis Ellis and Caruso Campaign Ad Fantasy
#Tim briefly mentions upcoming guest Francis Ellis and Barstool Sports, then imagines a grotesque Caruso campaign ad involving a gun and a sex act as a metaphor for loving LA.
5moments
- Tim jokes that they don't have school shootings because their kids are too stupid and traffic themselves on OnlyFans instead.
- Francis Ellis from Barstool Sports came up — Tim recounts that he made a joke on a blog about a dead woman and lost his job over it.
- Tim describes a fantasy campaign ad concept for Rick Caruso where a model performs oral sex while he holds a gun to her head and talks about loving LA.
- In the fantasy ad, Caruso describes LA's magic while the woman's head bobs, then announces he's close and jams the gun into her head as the ad ends with a disclaimer.
- Tim concludes the fantasy ad with the paid-for disclaimer: 'This ad was paid for by Rick Caruso.'
- 4 min
The Homeless 'Pot' Solution and Dissolving People
#Tim escalates his dark homelessness riff into a bit about building a giant pot to dissolve homeless people with chemicals as a proposed policy, weighing it against building affordable housing.
9moments
- Tim asks what a serious proposal for homelessness could actually be.
- Most homeless people end up in Santa Cruz, likely because cities keep pushing them further south.
- Tim's two solutions: burn pits where homeless people are burned alive, or build affordable housing.
- After burning them, could the bodies be used as fertilizer to grow food?
- Tim wonders if there's a way to run a death camp for homeless people without it feeling like Holocaust vibes.
- Water cremation is better for the environment—cook homeless people in a pot using high-pressure hot water.
- Tim narrows it down: either cook people in a massive industrial pot or build affordable housing and try that.
- The affordable housing approach might not work anyway, so why not just do the pot now?
- Practical questions about the pot: what kind of water goes in, will they survive, and what do you do with the waste?
homelessnessPalmdaleSanta CruzSanta MonicaSan FranciscoSan Jose
- 10 min
Caruso's 'Go To The Pot' Slogan and Family History
#Continuing the pot bit with details like a three-strikes system sending people to the pot, then reading Caruso's real campaign bio about his family's immigration story, Mussolini support, and LAPD reform record.
10moments
- Tim wishes everyone well and happy pride after his opening remarks.
- He expresses desire to get so intoxicated he'd broadcast in a completely altered state.
- Nellie Bowles wrote an article in the Atlantic about how San Francisco became a failed city.
- Tim proposes hiring a homeless person to write a rebuttal calling San Francisco great, spelled G-R-A-T-E.
- The solution to San Francisco's problems involves getting a big pot and dissolving homeless people using chemicals.
- Third-time offenders get sent to the pot; people on the street say 'that dude went to the pot.'
- The process: judges sentence people to the pot, they get tranquilized and pushed into a chemical dissolution cell.
- Tim suggests Rick Caruso's campaign slogan should be 'Go To The Pot' instead of his current messaging.
- Rick Caruso's grandparents immigrated from Italy through Ellis Island and were major supporters of Mussolini.
- Caruso founded a real estate company, created thousands of jobs, reformed the LAPD and reduced crime by 30 percent.
Rick CarusoNellie BowlesSan FranciscoThe GroveBari Weiss
- 1 min
Rick Caruso Wrap-up and Being Out of Frame
#Tim wraps the Caruso bit sincerely conceding LA needs someone to fix it, then jokes about how it's funnier when he's out of frame on video.
2moments
- Rick Caruso's plan to construct a large pot with environmentally safe chemicals to dissolve homeless people on contact.
- Tim on why Caruso probably does need to win, given how little else there is to do about LA's problems.
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for Manscaped's Lawnmower 4.0 trimmer, touting its waterproof design and a discount code.
4moments
- Manscape engineering team has confirmed the Lawnmower 4.0 trimmer is now available in the USA and Canada
- Tim says he's one of the first people to try it and is blown away by the performance and craftsmanship
- The trimmer is waterproof and can be used in the shower without making a mess
- No person wants to end up with pubes in their mouth and your balls will thank you
- 1 min
Tim promotes Raycon wireless earbuds, mentioning battery life, durability, and a discount code, noting he mixes the show using them.
3moments
- Tim recommends Raycon earbuds as less expensive than premium competitors but with the same audio quality.
- Raycon earbuds survive drops, rain, and snow storms and keep working afterward.
- Tim mixed the show using Raycon earbuds and endorses them for five-star reviews.
- 11 min
Guest Francis Ellis discusses the infamous blog post he wrote about a missing Utah sorority sister who was later found murdered, getting fired from Barstool Sports, Tim calling him afterward, a failed Business Insider hit piece, and a riff on Francis's wealthy Yale/CIA-adjacent family background before introducing his comedy song.
12moments
- Francis Ellis wrote a blog joking about a missing Utah sorority woman who was found brutally murdered two hours later, then got fired.
- Tim called Ellis to tell him his life wasn't over after the backlash, comparing himself to Batman putting a coat on a boy's shoulders.
- Tim's strategy: call someone to say it'll be okay, then call six other people to say they're completely finished.
- The Epstein story broke three days after Ellis's incident; if it had come three days before, nobody would have cared about the blog.
- Business Insider tried to run a hit piece on Ellis through a former employee, but killed it after a seven-month delay when the writer couldn't frame him as a right-wing psychopath.
- Ellis went to Harvard while his whole family went to Yale; his grandfather was in Skull and Bones and went to the CIA.
- Tim mocks the arc from CIA founding family to Ellis typing on a keyboard in Hollywood as the end of the American empire.
- Ellis started a tutoring company and called prestigious tutoring agencies posing as a wealthy father to get their rates and techniques.
- Ellis wrote a song about defending marginalized people and becoming a mouthpiece for those who've been abused.
- Tim suggests Ellis visit the murdered girl's family with cameras, apologize for the joke, and try to get them to forgive him on film.
- Tim notes that people found in parks is shocking, and national parks aren't good for anyone.
- Ellis's podcast is called Oops, where people can hire him to roast the dead.
Francis EllisBusiness InsiderKyle RittenhouseBarstool SportsFake business
- 5 min
Francis Ellis performs comedic songs, first about a skier getting a speeding ticket framed as 'police brutality,' then a satirical anthem about performative online allyship covering various social justice causes.
5moments
- Francis performs 'Brutality,' a song about a cop who pulls him over for speeding on the way to ski, then regrets slowing down when he arrives to find a 50-person chairlift line.
- Second song opens with winter depression, then pivots to the solution: take a trip to Tulum, buy a house in Southampton, spend money on yourself for mental health instead of killing yourself.
- Francis performs 'Ally,' declaring himself a social justice ally and listing causes: wage gap, toxic male advances, boss sending dick pics at holiday parties.
- The 'Ally' song spirals into a rapid-fire list of every progressive concern and cause: pronouns, animal rights, Jada's hair, Ukraine, Asian hatred, microplastics, Joe Rogan, vaccination fears, cultural appropriation, Louis C.K.'s masturbation.
- Song concludes with Francis claiming empathy and being on the right side of history, asking people to like and share his tweet while the audience applauds.
Francis EllisLouis C.K.Joe RoganJada Pinkett SmithLeah Thomas