Episode 292 · The Ben Avery Era
#292 - Do It Quietly | The Tim Dillon Show
Mar 27, 2022 · 1:35:21 · 921,000 views · 34 segments, 196 moments indexed
Tim Dillon explains the Azov Battalion's star power, Ben getting thrown up on in economy, billionaire Rick Caruso running for LA mayor, and LGTBQ employees walking out at Disney.
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- 1 min
Tim lists upcoming live show cities including Glasgow, Dublin, London, Jacksonville, New Orleans, and several Australian cities before wrapping up the tour.
2moments
- Tour dates available at timbercomedy.com
- Tim announces multiple stops across the U.S., including Jacksonville, Charlotte, New Orleans, Dallas, Austin, Chicago, Houston, and Cincinnati
- 1 min
Tim reads Hillary Clinton's tweet about contracting COVID and Bill testing negative, then riffs on Jen Psaki tweeting about recommending the show Inventing Anna to Hillary.
2moments
- Hillary Clinton has contracted COVID-19, which Tim claims she created.
- Jen Saki tweets Hillary recommending the Netflix show Inventing Anna about a con artist.
Hillary ClintonJen PsakiBill ClintonInventing AnnaJoe Biden
- 1 min
Grandma Loved Hillary
#Tim reflects on his grandmother's fondness for Hillary Clinton despite everything, segueing into ribbing Ben about his 'bossy' studio demeanor.
3moments
- Hillary Clinton is an interesting con artist who got caught and couldn't swindle her way to Chappaqua.
- Tim notes Hillary is dealing with COVID as an older woman, which is always tough.
- Tim's grandmother loved Hillary Clinton, which he says counts for something no matter what she's done.
- 1 min
Ben's Word Quota and Bossiness Bit
#Tim and Ben go back and forth bantering about Ben's supposedly bossy, authoritarian energy in the studio, ending with Tim cutting off his word quota.
3moments
- Tim accuses Ben of being bossy and authoritarian in the studio.
- Ben claims he's intentionally open-hearted and brings light to the room like a torch or candle.
- Tim institutes a word quota, banning Ben from speaking for the next three episodes.
- 3 min
The Vomiting Man Gets Sent to First Class
#Tim tells a story about flying first class while Devin sits in coach, and a fit young white man in the middle seat violently vomits everywhere before being sent up to first class to clean off, much to Tim's outrage.
9moments
- Tim and friends were on a plane where he sits in first class while Devin sits in coach.
- Tim spots Devin sitting in a premium seat right behind the first class curtain, essentially trolling him.
- Tim sometimes walks to the back of the plane and sneaks Devin food from first class, like hard-boiled eggs.
- A younger, fit white man in the middle seat started vomiting uncontrollably during the flight.
- The vomiting man sprayed his vomit all over his groin repeatedly, flailing around for throw-up bags that weren't there.
- Tim got hit with vomit five times—it went on his wallet, backpack, shoes, and pants while he was trapped in the window seat.
- Flight attendants sent the vomit-covered man into first class to wash himself off, infuriating Tim.
- Tim's complaint: they brought this vomiting passenger into a $2,000 seat where he doesn't belong and doesn't belong.
- The vomiting man had passed out when the plane took off, which explains some of what happened, though Tim still doesn't want him in first class covered in vomit.
- 1 min
Don't Say Gay in Florida and Putin's Motives
#Tim briefly mocks Ron DeSantis and Florida's 'don't say gay' law and jokes that Putin loves it, then introduces a leaked comedy video Devin made about why Putin invaded Ukraine.
4moments
- Tim asks what Ron DeSantis is doing in Disney World killing gay children
- The Florida "Don't Say Gay" law explained: you can't say gay or something happens
- Putin loves the "Don't Say Gay" game
- Playing a leaked video of Vladimir Putin's reasons for invading Ukraine
- 2 min
Devin's Putin Invasion Video
#They play and react to Devin's satirical video purporting to reveal the 'real reasons' Putin invaded Ukraine, then discuss how many listeners believed it was real.
2moments
- Tim notes that viewers need to watch Devin's Putin video, not just listen to the podcast.
- One viewer's reaction: 'If this is Putin we're in real trouble, it sounds like he's lost his mind.'
- 4 min
Tim gives an update on the Ukraine war, criticizes Western media for prematurely declaring Russian losses while cities burn, and discusses rumors of a coup to replace Putin with FSB chief Alexander Bortnikov.
8moments
- Tim assesses Putin's apparent health decline as a serious problem for everyone.
- Russian language is exhaustingly complicated—takes forever just to say one word.
- Media coverage whipsaws between claiming Russians are losing and then a city gets burned to the ground.
- Tim's strategy: tell Putin he's winning so he stops trying so hard.
- Coup rumors are now circulating, with oligarchs allegedly unhappy about losing money.
- The alleged replacement being floated is the current FSB head—identity unknown at first.
- Alexander Bortnikov, director of the FSB since 2008, is the name the oligarchs are supposedly backing.
- Tim suspects the coup narrative is Western propaganda designed to sow distrust in Putin's circle.
UkraineVladimir PutinAlexander BortnikovMariupolMark GaliottiSergey Shoygu
- 6 min
Tim reads a New York Times piece about the symbolism of Zelensky's olive t-shirt, then argues the West is over-mythologizing him with celebrity Zoom calls while pushing no real endgame for peace, and touches on the Azov Battalion's Nazi ties.
10moments
- Ukrainian intelligence claims a group of Russian elites plans to assassinate Putin and replace him with FSB head to restore ties with the West.
- New York Times writes that Zelensky's green shirt has become a symbol of defiance, analyzing how a piece of cotton transformed into patriotic symbolism.
- Zelensky did a widely tweeted Zoom call with Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis during the war.
- Tim acknowledges the war is a tragedy and Putin is a monster, but questions what the end game is while media obsesses over Zelensky's shirt.
- The U.S. should be pressuring Zelensky into making a deal to end the war rather than celebrating him on podcasts and talk shows.
- Tim wonders why American media is so in love with white Ukrainians when the country has problems like Azov Battalion nazis singing at the Academy Awards.
- Nazi battalions aren't great, and Ukraine had documented corruption, Nazi problems, and coordinated LGBT attacks before the invasion.
- Media is getting too caught up in Zelensky as a guy, turning him into a Fauci-like figure doing podcasts while the country gets killed.
- Ukraine needs to make territorial concessions to Putin—there's no way out without them, and dragging out the war means more death and carnage.
- While respecting Zelensky for staying with his people, the U.S. can't let this conflict drag on forever.
Vladimir PutinVolodymyr ZelenskyyAshton KutcherMila KunisAzov BattalionUkraine
- 5 min
Tim reacts with alarm to a New York Times article suggesting smaller nuclear weapons make a strike 'less unthinkable,' riffing darkly on how a nuclear war might even help inflation numbers by killing hundreds of millions.
10moments
- Tim on the New York Times preparing readers for nuclear war by downplaying its severity.
- The Times frames a nuclear exchange as less damaging than Cold War fears suggested.
- Tim reads the headline: smaller, 'less destructive' nuclear arms make a strike 'less unthinkable.'
- Tim's interpretation: experts saying a few nukes going off isn't that big a deal.
- The sanctions have crippled Russia's economy and Putin is desperate, yet media keeps saying he's losing.
- Late night hosts and pundits openly joking about assassinating Putin without recognizing the danger.
- Tim wonders if the New York Times writer realizes he dies too in a nuclear war, unless he has a bunker.
- Nuclear war would kill 700 million people, but Tim notes this solves the inflation problem.
- After shedding hundreds of millions of people, the economy suddenly seems reasonable again.
- Whether nuclear war or something else, people gotta go either way.
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for ExpressVPN, explaining how he uses it to unlock Netflix libraries from other countries like the UK version of The Office.
4moments
- Tim has been binge-watching The Office on UK Netflix all week using ExpressVPN to unlock region-locked content.
- ExpressVPN lets you choose from almost 100 countries to access different Netflix libraries worldwide, including Korean dramas on South Korea's version.
- Tim's main reason for loving ExpressVPN is that it's fast enough for HD streaming with no buffering or lag.
- Tim plugs his ExpressVPN link for three extra months free and calls it his favorite thing ever.
- 2 min
Tim reads a BetterHelp online therapy ad about taking care of yourself and investing in therapy, with some joking asides with a guest in studio.
4moments
- Tim opens with a series of rhetorical questions about sadness, anger, and feeling bad.
- Tim argues that counseling done online is better than in-person therapy, which he calls disgusting.
- BetterHelp's message: relationships take work, and people prioritize helping others over taking care of themselves.
- Tim endorses BetterHelp personally, noting that everyone he knows uses it and praising the ability to switch counselors within 48 hours.
- 2 min
They discuss soaring gas prices, try unsuccessfully to play a Colbert clip about buying gas from Saudi Arabia instead of Russia, and read the transcript of Colbert joking he'll pay any price because he drives a Tesla.
6moments
- Tim asks about current gas prices and the state of the economy.
- Tim wants to show the Colbert bit about Tesla.
- Colbert segment: he tells everyone to buy a Tesla.
- Colbert criticizes sanctioning Russian oil while buying from Saudi Arabia instead.
- Gas prices hit an all-time record high of over four dollars per gallon.
- Colbert will pay fifteen dollars a gallon because he drives a Tesla.
- 2 min
Clean Conscience Gas and the Yemen Genocide
#Tim tears into the idea that paying more for gas gives Americans a 'clean conscience,' pointing out Saudi-led atrocities in Yemen funded by American money that nobody discusses.
4moments
- Tim on the absurdity of adding a dollar to gas prices as moral activism while ignoring U.S. involvement in Yemen.
- The hypocrisy of having a clean conscience when America has been funding Saudi bombing campaigns in Yemen for years.
- Why people despise late-night comedy and performative activism—it's selective, fake, and driven by whatever's currently trendy.
- Tim's argument that Americans funding this government should never sleep with a clean conscience, regardless of other global crises.
Saudi ArabiaYemenlate night comedyperformative activism
- 2 min
Zelensky on the Oscars with Amy Schumer
#Tim jokes about Amy Schumer's failed attempt to get Zelensky on the Oscars, imagining him doing a comedy bit about the war, and pivots into people being taped to poles in Ukraine under martial law.
8moments
- Amy Schumer tried to get Zelensky on the Oscars, but the Academy said no.
- Tim wanted to see Zelensky do a comedy bit with Amy Schumer while his country is being attacked.
- What if Zelensky came on and they did a bit about the shelling that just didn't land, or about Nazis in Ukraine.
- Ukrainian authorities are taping people accused of looting to poles as part of martial law enforcement.
- People suspected of looting or disloyalty get taped to a pole, making international observers uncomfortable about their role.
- The Azov Battalion, a Nazi group, is doing out these punishments in Ukraine.
- Tim explains there are different kinds of Nazis and people don't realize this distinction.
- In entertainment, when a Nazi has heat, they have heat—it's about heat, not talent, and the Azov Battalion is hot right now.
- 6 min
The Azov Battalion Are 'Hot' Nazis
#Tim does an extended bit arguing that the Azov Battalion are the 'cool, marketable' Nazis of the moment getting media heat and CNN airtime, contrasting them with 'unmarketable' Nazis, while acknowledging the real horror in Mariupol.
7moments
- Tim distinguishes between unmarketable nazis and more cinematic, exciting ones selected and hand-picked.
- Every now and then you need a cool group of nazis because it's punk rock.
- An Azov Battalion commander was broadcast on CNN to make his case.
- Tim jokes about Amy Schumer convincing the Azov Battalion to accept LGBTQ people into their brigade.
- Based purely on vibes from the commander's appearance and tone, Tim gets a nazi vibe.
- You can't split hairs about nazis being there if they're doing the work you want done.
- A nazi-run steakhouse would be great if you could focus nazis on things like that instead.
Azov BattalionAmy SchumerMalcolm NanceCNN
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for Bespoke Post's 'Box of Awesome' subscription box service.
4moments
- Tim explains he loves Bespoke Post's Box of Awesome because he hates knowing what he's getting but likes surprises.
- Box of Awesome works by filling out a quiz about your interests, then receiving $70 worth of curated items monthly for $45.
- Suggested use case: sending a Box of Awesome to someone going away to college or someone you don't see often.
- Examples of customized boxes: an outdoorsy person might get a knife and deer feed, or someone who drinks gets a martini shaker and bottles of alcohol.
- 2 min
Tim reads a DoorDash ad about getting food and groceries delivered.
4moments
- DoorDash ad: solving the problem of back-to-back meetings and errands by delivering dinner, groceries, and household essentials.
- The pitch: DoorDash connects you with everything you want whenever and however you want it, whether home-cooked favorites or something new.
- Over 300,000 partners available—neighborhood spots or national chains like Popeyes, Chipotle, and Cheesecake Factory.
- Promo offer: 25% off and zero delivery fees on first order of $15 or more with code 'tim dillon' in the DoorDash app.
- 5 min
Tim discusses the Senate hearing controversy over Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson's sentencing record in child pornography cases and plays clips of her emotional response to Josh Hawley's questioning.
7moments
- Tim introduces the controversy over Ketanji Brown Jackson's child pornography sentencing record.
- He jokes that Jackson's approach was essentially "we all do it" when sentencing child porn defendants.
- Tim explains the accusation: Jackson sentenced defendants to 47 months less on average than prosecutors requested.
- He reacts to the absurdity of a Supreme Court nominee having to defend child pornography sentencing at her confirmation hearing.
- Jackson responds by describing the impact on adult victims—agoraphobia, inability to have relationships, trauma from childhood abuse.
- Tim questions whether Jackson only handled child pornography cases, wondering if there's anything else in her record.
- He acknowledges not knowing the specifics of the cases but notes one allegedly involved an 18-year-old and an 8-year-old.
Ketanji Brown JacksonJosh Hawley
- 1 min
The Prosthetic Dick and Tits Solution
#Tim revisits his own proposed 'humane compromise' for trans kids in schools: handing out reversible prosthetic genitalia so kids can try before making permanent changes.
3moments
- Tim proposes giving kids prosthetic dicks and tits instead of allowing irreversible physical changes to their bodies.
- Students can check out prosthetics from the guidance counselor for the day, like library books.
- If they grow out of it, they return the prosthetics; if they still want real ones as adults, they can get them then.
don't say gayCritical race theory
- 1 min
My Personal Truth Comedy Bit
#Tim sarcastically mocks the modern comedy trend of 'my truth' and personal vulnerability on stage.
3moments
- Parents tell their kids not to forget their dick on the way to school.
- Tim on modern comedy being about 'my truth' and personal significance rather than the audience.
- Comedians plumbing the depths of themselves because they have layers that need to be peeled off.
- 4 min
Tim covers the Disney employee walkout protesting the company's response to Florida's 'Don't Say Gay' bill, mocking the demand to protect LGBTQ staff and the controversy over trans Mickey pins.
10moments
- Disney workers walked out over the company's response to the Don't Say Gay bill.
- Tim notes Disney isn't taking a hard stance despite being pretty pro-gay forever.
- Employees are calling for Disney to stop donations to Ron DeSantis and protect LGBTQIA staff.
- Tim questions how Disney can protect gay staff when the bill is about second graders, not employees.
- Organizers claim some Disneyland employees were told they couldn't wear pride trans Mickey pants.
- Tim says he disagrees with banning trans Mickey pins and thinks employees should be allowed to wear them.
- Nobody even knows what a trans Mickey pin means, so why make it a big fight.
- Tim thinks everyone should walk out of Disney World and it should be burned to the ground.
- Tim announces he's coming out as queer instead of gay because it means he can be in movies again.
- Being queer means Tim can work in the industry again and is now considered other or different.
The Walt Disney CompanyBen ShapiroRon DeSantis
- 2 min
Coming Out as Queer for Career Reasons
#Tim jokes about announcing he's 'queer' rather than 'gay' because it will help his career and make him money, riffing on identity as marketing.
6moments
- Gender is a spectrum, and Disney's now made a gay Mickey Mouse with tape around his arms.
- Tim realized he was queer overnight after realizing he couldn't get anything made for TV or movies.
- Queer is different than gay—it's a whole thing, and he now gets invited to events because of it.
- Gay is an archaic concept based on gender, which doesn't exist, so the idea of attraction to the same sex isn't real.
- He's excited to be the belle of the ball now that he's queer, because his sexuality and identity are going to make him money.
- If you're coming out of something now, it better be to make you money—don't be stupid about it.
Mickey MouseBurbank
- 3 min
Disney's Listening Tour and Abortion at Epcot
#Tim mocks Disney's promised 'listening tour' after the walkout, riffs on a fat woman's t-shirt, Texas prosecuting parents of trans kids, and jokes about an abortion clinic being banned from Disney World.
8moments
- Tim announces he's queer and refuses to do business with Disney until they allow the trans Mickey pin in the Haunted House.
- Imagining Ukrainians in bunkers watching Americans complain about a Mickey pin they were told not to wear at Tower of Terror.
- Disney CEO announced a listening tour at workplaces instead of postponing a management retreat in Orlando.
- Tim jokes about a person wearing a 'gay and tired' shirt, attributing the exhaustion to obesity rather than activism.
- Texas is prosecuting parents of transgender children receiving medical care, which Tim calls insane.
- Texas court blocks Greg Abbott's probes of transgender kids, stopping the government overreach.
- You can't even have an abortion at Disney World now—they're trying to ban the abortion clinic that was in Disney World.
- Tim notes that people used to be able to have an abortion and then go to Epcot, but can't anymore.
DisneyTexasGreg AbbottUkraineBob Chapek
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Masterworks, a platform for investing in blue-chip art like Picasso and Banksy paintings.
3moments
- Tim admits he's a comedian whose job is to talk shit, not give investing advice, which is why he's discussing art as a serious alternative asset.
- Masterworks lets regular people invest in blue-chip art without being a billionaire, buying fractional stakes in multi-million-dollar pieces by Picasso and Banksy.
- Art prices have outpaced the S&P 500 by 164 percent from 1995 to 2020, which is why the ultra-rich don't hesitate to spend $103 million on a Picasso.
- 5 min
Tim introduces LA mayoral candidate Rick Caruso, mocks his campaign ad about building malls and his 'faith family community' branding, and jokes about building a version of the Americana mall exclusively for homeless people.
8moments
- Tim praises Rick Caruso for building the Americana in Glendale and jokes he plans to build an identical outdoor mall exclusively for homeless people.
- The homeless crisis is really because homeless people don't have a mall of their own—give them an outdoor mall where they can conduct their business.
- Caruso's ad calls the Americana a "beloved community center," which Tim identifies as a corporate hellscape.
- Caruso's campaign message: the city is in a state of emergency with rampant homelessness and politicians only in it for themselves.
- Tim mocks Caruso's promise to work for a dollar a year: he's already loaded and sick of the city getting less comfortable for him and his friends.
- For a dollar a year, Tim offers to have LAPD out there with batons every day and use direct energy weapons on homeless people in the middle of the night.
- The people in Caruso's ad don't even know they're in a Rick Caruso ad—he just took photos of people.
- Caruso's closing promise: "We can clean up LA," with a link to his action plan at carusofor.com.
- 6 min
Tim and Ben watch and mock a Caruso interview where he compares fixing LAPD to solving a drunk chef problem at the Cheesecake Factory, and jokes about his 'do it quietly' policing philosophy.
9moments
- Rick Caruso's dollar-a-year salary slogan is hollow political marketing.
- Caruso claims his Cheesecake Factory experience qualifies him to lead LA — he sent a drunk chef to rehab and replaced him with his deadbeat cousin.
- The drunk chef at Americana's Cheesecake Factory was burning the chicken and fish every day.
- Caruso's actual achievement was reforming LAPD under a federal consent decree and dropping crime by 30 percent.
- Tim reads Caruso's line about the only dangerous people in the city being police.
- Caruso's solution is his 'do it quietly' program — encouraging cops to behave as before but quietly, like busting heads in secret.
- Tim admits he's starting to believe in Caruso after hearing the 'do it quietly' pitch.
- Tim ridicules the interview setup — only one camera, no shot of the interviewer, conducted inside a restaurant.
- Fox 11's production choices for the Caruso interview are bizarrely unprofessional.
- 5 min
Continuing the Caruso interview breakdown, covering his stance on DA George Gascon, his 30,000 temporary beds homelessness plan, and his bizarre answer about relating to regular people via his fascist, Mussolini-supporting father.
9moments
- Caruso initially supported George Gascon for district attorney, then pivoted to backing Jackie Lacey after learning about Gascon's policies.
- Caruso regrets Gascon's record, saying he's either changed since working at LAPD together or is fundamentally different than the George he knew.
- Day one plan: declare a state of emergency on homelessness, move authority to the mayor's office, and build 30,000 temporary beds on surplus city land.
- Caruso's policy: homeless people get housed with services, but no longer have the choice to stay on the street once a bed is available.
- Tim interjects with skepticism about the plan—suggesting luxury units for homeless people who earn good money, or selling them to foreign billionaires instead.
- Caruso clarifies that refusing the bed and services would result in arrest, drawing a hard line that previous administrations avoided.
- Asked how he relates to struggling average Americans despite his comfortable lifestyle, Caruso invokes his immigrant background in Boyle Heights.
- Caruso's father was an Italian fascist who supported Mussolini and read books on Hitler, which he cites as proof he understands working-class struggle.
- Caruso concludes that because his fascist father lived paycheck to paycheck, he can relate to what people in the country are going through now.
George GasconBill BrattonJackie LacyhomelessnessCharlie Beck
- 7 min
Tim and Ben play and react to a campaign ad for LA city council candidate Eunisses Hernandez, covering her platform on police abolition, gentrification, and sentencing reform.
5moments
- Tim's tangent: hipster fashion and comedy changed Highland Park neighborhoods, people wore weird hats and did hipster dances that he didn't enjoy.
- Tim agrees with Eunisses Hernandez on gentrification and community issues but doubts abolishing police and sending social workers to violent crimes is workable.
- Tim accuses Patrice Cullors, one of Hernandez's endorsers from Black Lives Matter, of buying four houses with movement money instead of helping the cause.
- He argues police need retraining and different accountability standards rather than abolition, and agrees with cannabis decriminalization and prison reform.
- Tim warns that bail reform creates problems when released inmates commit new crimes, so criminal justice changes require nuance rather than blanket release policies.
Patrice CullersBlack Lives Matter
- 3 min
Comparing Caruso vs. Hernandez on the Issues
#Tim weighs the extremes of Caruso's real-estate-mogul approach against Hernandez's police-abolition platform, agreeing with some of her points on housing while rejecting full defunding.
8moments
- Tim notes LA has people being murdered alongside the guitars and tacos.
- On Hernandez's claim that tough-on-crime policies don't create safer communities, Tim counters that crime has gone down everywhere except recently.
- Can't defund police without money to retrain them or replace them.
- Hernandez's housing and renter protection platform isn't exactly specific.
- Tim on non-citizens voting in local elections: that proposal won't excite people.
- If you let non-citizens vote you end up with people getting every benefit citizens get, and you don't really have a country anymore.
- Every country in the world makes a distinction between citizens and non-citizens—it's not about white supremacy or patriarchy.
- Tim: "But hey, who gives a fuck, I live in Austin."
- 2 min
Rick Caruso's Real Estate Empire
#Tim looks up Caruso's actual real estate holdings in Newport Beach, Malibu, and Brentwood, riffing on the tastelessness of Malibu mansions.
5moments
- Tim wonders where Rick Caruso lives and guesses Pasadena based on his vibe.
- Caruso paid $18.6 million for a Newport Beach mansion, which Tim approves of.
- Caruso's Malibu property listed for $40 million—Tim compares it unfavorably to the Hamptons.
- The Malibu house lacks taste, a real problem that distinguishes it from East Coast luxury homes.
- Caruso's actual pitch: oceanfront Malibu property listed at $40 million, closed at $42 million—this is what his campaign should lead with instead.
- 3 min
Caruso's Direct Energy Weapons and Ben's Take
#Tim does an extended bit imagining Caruso arming police with direct energy weapons against the homeless, funded by his Raytheon lunch friends, while Ben weighs in on Caruso being a bored rich guy.
6moments
- Tim describes two political extremes in LA: a real estate portfolio worth half the city budget, and someone advocating killing cops.
- Guest recounts how LA crime improved through high school and pandemic but has now returned to gunshots and unprecedented homelessness.
- Tim pitches Caruso building an abandoned Americana mall exclusively for homeless people to pretend to shop and play in fentanyl-filled fountains.
- Ben's argument: Caruso is rich and bored, so letting him run for office is just the natural progression of wealthy people trying to fix things.
- Tim proposes Caruso's solution to crime is equipping cops with direct energy weapons that make people instantly drop and shake, sourced from Raytheon lunch meetings.
- Caruso claims his Raytheon friends at the Rosewood Miramar hotel have been discussing pulse-based direct energy weapons to incapacitate people on the street.
- 2 min
Tim and Devin discuss Devin's Hate Watch podcast and pivot into praising the Kardashians as America's closest thing to a monarchy, joking about electing Kris Jenner mayor of LA.
5moments
- Tim appeared on Devin Acosta's Hate Watch podcast
- Tim now respects the Kardashians because they have more money than entire countries
- Tim suggests electing Kris Jenner as governor of California instead of traditional politicians
- Kris Jenner's solution to homelessness: get homeless people to film themselves and release tapes
- Kris Jenner is efficient and would turn a homeless show into a scaled-up version of E! Entertainment
- 3 min
They watch and mock the trailer for the new Kardashians Hulu show, comparing it to Succession, and close with a fantasy bit of Kris Jenner making out with Vladimir Putin.
7moments
- The new Kardashians trailer shows them threatening to destroy people with their resources and time.
- Tim describes the show as "Succession for retards" — Succession but about lip gloss.
- Kardashian says life without cameras was a big change; Tim jokes it lasted less than two months.
- One of them claims she's learned to be herself, then immediately contradicts it by saying people won't like you for what you wear.
- Travis and Kylie want to have a baby; someone suggests putting a sample in a cup.
- Kim discusses Kanye telling her career is over and asks why they make excuses for people who traumatize them.
- Tim pitches an ending where Kris Jenner sits back in her chair, turns around, and says "hello Vladimir" before making out with Putin while saying "never go against the family."