Episode 173 · The Porch Era
#173 - Shane Gillis | The Tim Dillon Show
with Shane Gillis
Nov 10, 2019 · 1:48:15 · 664,000 views · 38 segments, 241 moments indexed
Shane Gillis joins Tim in New York to discuss the SNL controversy, and stick around for the 30 minute patreon teaser where Tim discusses his potential presidential campaign and how he would seduce David Hogg.
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- 1 min
Timmy the Trashcan Jingle / Cold Open
#A brief musical jingle character bit about a trashcan named Timmy who loves trash and asks patrons to throw garbage to him.
1moment
- Tim performs as Timmy the Trashcan, a character who loves trash and asks people to dispose of it properly instead of throwing it on the floor.
- 1 min
Tim welcomes listeners back to the old studio, thanks Louis Gomez and Ralph Sutton, and introduces guest Shane Gillis, joking about Rogen having used the studio before him.
2moments
- Tim welcomes listeners back to the studio at the old Gas Digital space
- Tim introduces Shane Gillis as a very funny guy and notes SNL isn't using him much this season
- 3 min
Tim and Shane riff on fans sleeping outside SNL, question the show's current cultural relevance, and go on a tangent about seeing OJ Simpson or Bin Laden in public and how people romanticize them.
5moments
- Tim walks past SNL fans sleeping outside in sleeping bags with SNL snow hats, wondering what's wrong with them.
- SNL only works because one or two people there are funny, yet the show has fervent fans despite its current mediocrity.
- Tim is amazed people sleep on the street to see anything, let alone SNL without a major celebrity draw like Taylor Swift.
- A group of ladies camping outside SNL got angry and gave Tim the finger when he walked past them.
- Tim uses bin Laden as an example: if he saw him in a restaurant after 9/11, he'd simply acknowledge it's bin Laden, not get angry about it.
- 3 min
Shane discusses the Judd Apatow controversy headline, reflects on death threats being mostly funny, and the two discuss the public shaming dynamic after Shane's SNL firing.
7moments
- Tim says OJ Simpson is the only motivational speaker anyone should follow because he's on a comeback and has lived a full life.
- OJ beheaded his wife and her friend, got away with it, then ended up back in jail somehow.
- OJ is the healthiest person on Twitter, well-adjusted, golfing, and giving advice while looking good for his age.
- Death threats during the scandal weren't real, and many of them were actually funny to read.
- Judd Apatow was recently asked about Shane and responded in a measured way, saying he didn't know him.
- The article headline—'SNL cast member fired for saying Judd Apatow was gayer than Isis'—is still funny regardless of how Apatow reacted.
- People online got mad, but anyone actually confronting him in person about it was hilarious because they didn't really mean it.
- 4 min
Shane names Laurie Kilmartin as someone who distanced from him, discusses industry hypocrisy of private support vs public silence, and explains why he valued freedom over money instead of apologizing.
7moments
- Laurie Kilmartin threw Shane under the bus after doing a show together at The Stand.
- Comics message Shane privately to praise his videos but won't retweet them publicly.
- When pitching in LA, every agent privately agreed Louie CK was the best but said they couldn't associate with him.
- Shane values freedom over money and doesn't think there's enough money to make him shut up.
- Shane was asked to do a mea culpa but refused because apologizing would own him for life.
- You can't control how people take a joke—Tim explains the fundamental problem with comedy apologies.
- If Shane apologizes for one thing, people will dig up everything else he's said and demand apologies for that too.
Laurie KilmartinLouie
- 5 min
Shane walks through what actually happens during an SNL audition — the waiting rooms, testing in front of Lorne Michaels, and getting the callback — describing it as a grueling, high-pressure process.
10moments
- Shane Gillis got fired so that none of us can get hired, Tim's agent called the day it happened to tell him they could kiss SNL goodbye.
- What's great about comedy is like sports — there are definite winners and losers, and crushing on stage means you're winning.
- The SNL audition process is hard and gets in a lot of people's heads; making it through says something about you.
- He was discovered at JFL Anyfest and called in to test, which meant auditioning on the main stage in front of the whole studio and Lorne Michaels.
- Candidates wait in the green room for two or three hours while everyone else auditions — intentional pressure to see if you can handle a live show.
- Tim sat in the green room with a lip of tobacco, telling himself there was zero chance he'd get it, which turned out to be the best mindset.
- You walk onto a big empty room with two cameras, the guy says your name, you do your set, and then you get off — he didn't even see the stage until he walked out.
- The audience was laughing the whole time, which felt like a good sign since people usually don't laugh at these auditions.
- The callback was just to come meet the writers and producers — everyone was cool and it was an awesome experience.
- Getting SNL was never on his agenda, but as soon as he got it he was thrilled about it.
- 4 min
Discussion of the tribalism between comedy 'camps,' how success breeds resentment among peers, and the hypocrisy of self-proclaimed tolerant comics being some of the meanest people.
9moments
- Tim discusses how the comedy world has fractured into rival camps, making collaboration between talented comics from different sides feel impossible.
- Comics assume others belong to the 'odd casters' camp and label them social justice warriors, creating fear and division among peers.
- Some comics can walk up and verbally attack him with impunity at comedy clubs while the audience sides with them.
- Tim notes that most hostile interactions are passive-aggressive on Twitter, and deleting the platform would make it all disappear, but that's hard to do.
- His friends from Long Island would be happier seeing him embroiled in a national scandal than succeeding with a real job.
- Comics in the network have a resentment instinct: if you're not succeeding, you feel good when someone else gets brought down.
- Many comics believe the alternative path they've all taken means none of them will have mainstream success, so when somebody does, they resent it.
- Tim pushed back hard on Twitter against these dynamics because comics tweet about mental health and self-care while simultaneously trying to destroy each other.
- The comics claiming to be tolerant and woke are actually the meanest people he knows, exposing what he sees as deep hypocrisy.
- 4 min
Shane discusses the insular queer/alt comedy scene, how it has shifted from edgy and mean to moralistic, and laments that modern drag queens lecture about politics instead of being funny.
8moments
- Tim on the queer comedy scene in New York: it has more talent than the alternative comedy scene, but people now brand themselves by having the right opinions about what constitutes hate speech.
- These comedians dismiss alt comedy as hate speech without ever attending a show or knowing the performers involved, stuck in their insular East Village bubble.
- Tim explains his approach differs from the cloistered queer scene: he wanted to entertain as many people as possible, not just a small circle of friends in the East Village.
- The woke snake eats itself, and gay guys used to pride themselves on being tough, cynical, mean, and catty—now they're moralists, which is boring.
- Tim compares performative morality in comedy to his aunt Sheryl preaching Jesus—nobody pays money to see that in a nightclub.
- Drag queens used to say the most fucked-up, brutally funny things, but now they're afraid to say anything, worried about political correctness.
- Tim wants lowbrow, funny humor from drag queens—race jokes, crude material—not moral crusades disguised as entertainment.
- Some of the moralist comedians message Tim privately saying they enjoy his work, but there's no public acknowledgement because of their public positioning.
- 1 min
Shane and Tim defend Louis Gomez as privately a good father and person despite his public 'shitty' persona, and joke about his glasses-and-muscles look resembling Hunter S. Thompson.
4moments
- Tim defends Louis Gomez as a good dude, contrasting him with woke people who've done nothing for their kids.
- Louis is both shitty and good, but not a bad guy—people misread him as hateful.
- Louis's current look with glasses and muscle mimics Hunter S. Thompson without the reading or writing.
- If Louis were branded as a furry, he'd lean into it completely unlike someone like Brandon would—dog ears flopping around and everything.
- 4 min
An extended, dark comic sponsor read for Blue Chew mocking depressed, out-of-shape men who can't perform sexually and spend their lives arguing online, pitching the chewable ED pills as the solution.
9moments
- Tim catalogs the audience's medical and psychological problems: obesity, erectile dysfunction, anxiety, depression, cancer, drug and alcohol dependence, sports injuries, no health insurance, conspiracy-addled minds filled with sugar and drugs.
- The depressed Facebook warrior's life: driving around in a coma, waiting for a drunk heavy woman to stumble out of a bar, basement encounters with mom asleep upstairs, and the erectile failure that spirals him into more drinking, eating, and property destruction.
- Blue Chew is chewable Viagra and Cialis that works any time, day or night—Tim takes it just to get hard and look at it before going back to bed, with no partner required.
- Not just for guys who can't perform but for anyone wanting extra function: more rounds, harder action, landing the girl with the Toyota Corolla or whatever demographic he's targeting.
- Discrete home delivery avoids the pharmacy humiliation of standing near people doing better than you, people with families and real jobs while you're disgusting with your soft dick and no accomplishments.
- Blue Chew is made in the USA, not Pakistani dick pills, because the audience has an American flag profile picture, has never served in the military but watched military movies, and fights the real war on Facebook and Twitter.
- Tim addresses the banned Facebook activist who's been in jail three times for telling the truth, leaked Nancy Pelosi's address, lost The Donald, and has nowhere left to post.
- The target audience hates Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez but still masturbates to her—the core of Tim's people right now who need Blue Chew to function.
- Final pitch: if you like the show and want to fuck someone twice in a row, buy the dick pills using promo code TIM at BlueChew.com.
- 3 min
Shane tells stories about wild friend Chris O'Connor, including walking into a maximum security prison as a joke and O'Connor secretly bringing a hooker into their shared hotel room while Shane slept.
6moments
- Tim and Chris O'Connor walked into a maximum-security prison in North Carolina to offer a comedy show to inmates just to see the inside of the facility.
- Chris O'Connor looks clean-cut and normal on the surface but is completely unhinged and wild underneath.
- O'Connor got a sex worker to come to their shared hotel room in Indianapolis while Tim was asleep, waking him up at 6 a.m.
- The sex worker was afraid when she walked in and saw Tim, unprepared for his presence in the room.
- Tim discovered evidence of the encounter in the bathroom — lotion all over the counter — and confronted O'Connor about paying for sex in Indiana.
- Tim endorses Chris O'Connor and tells listeners he's pro-sex work and pro-sex workers.
Chris O'ConnorHeliumJohn McKeeverMatt and Shane Seger podcast
- 4 min
Shane recounts how the scandal snowballed from Ari Shaffir, discusses a two-hour unreleased podcast roasting other comics, and reveals he deleted old audio of himself making resentful jokes from his Philly open mic days.
9moments
- Ari Shaffir started the podcast leak drama by talking shit and asking Tim to take it down.
- Tim recorded a two-hour podcast with Chris D'Elia and Yannis Pappas that they're unsure about releasing because they went wild roasting other comics.
- Tim considered deleting everything during the week before the leak blew up.
- He deleted a chunk of podcast audio because he'd been shitting on comics from a place of resentment back when he was doing open mics in Philadelphia.
- Moving to New York immediately changed his career trajectory, making him realize he wasn't being held back by his identity.
- A Philly comic Tim didn't like is suspected of leaking the old material to damage his reputation.
- Tim distinguishes between bad comedians and talented people who've become politically extreme in recent years.
- A woman falsely claimed Tim called her a racial slur at a Helium show and tweeted about it.
- When confronted by her friend, the woman defended herself by saying that not telling the truth doesn't mean she was lying.
Ari ShaffirChris de StefanoYannis PappasJoe Rogan
- 4 min
Shane describes a comic falsely claiming he called her the n-word and being told 'just because she wasn't telling the truth doesn't mean she was lying,' then discusses how Trump's win fractured the Philly comedy scene.
6moments
- Someone tweeted Tim's name with the n-word in it.
- Tim admits he wasn't nice to people either, getting drunk and telling other comics they should quit.
- McDonald, a Last Comic Standing judge, told Tim five years ago it takes ten years to be a comedian, but now thinks his material is funny.
- On election night at Helium, Tim went on stage joking about Trump winning while other comics were crying.
- Tim made a joke saying "we're allowed to say f-word now that Trump won," which upset some comedians in the room.
- Most comedians overestimate their own importance; even legends like Carlin, Hicks, and Pryor weren't as significant as they believed in the larger scheme.
McDonaldDonald TrumpHelium'sCarlin Hicks Pryor
- 3 min
Shane recalls performing comedy the night Trump won, joking on stage while other comics cried, and reflects that comedians vastly overrate their own cultural importance.
8moments
- Comics have an inflated sense of what they can actually do.
- He wrote an apology statement in five minutes under threat of being fired.
- Tim was at a Chris Gethard election night live show next to a man in a banana costume who was wailing.
- Rich white women were throwing themselves on the floor and crying during the election coverage.
- SNL writer Andrew Michael called Tim to report that Kate McKinnon and others were crying when it looked like Trump was winning.
- Tim questioned why SNL people were so shocked when one of two candidates was obviously going to win.
- He'd been on the road that year and knew there was a real possibility Trump could win, even if he didn't think it would happen.
- The difference: Tim's grandma actually died that day, whereas these people were devastated over a political candidate loss.
Hillary ClintonChris GethardDonald TrumpSaturday Night LiveKate McKinnonRay Caputo
- 1 min
Grandma's Death and the Family Laughing Around Her Deathbed
#Tim tells a dark, funny story about his grandmother dying with her kids laughing around her bed after a startled reaction, calling it a great way to go.
3moments
- Tim's grandmother died; he couldn't think of a single nice memory despite living with her for a while, though he acknowledges she was funny.
- During her final moments, Tim's mother grabbed his grandmother's leg and his aunt grabbed her head, startling her.
- Tim's family laughed together while his grandmother died, which he considers the best way to go.
- 3 min
Shane and Tim speculate about the motives of the person who leaked the podcast clip, comparing him to someone who believes he's doing good despite being vindictive, and discussing why they don't care about him.
7moments
- Tim analyzes what drives someone to leak a podcast, describing the leaker as angry and unhappy like the Joker.
- The leaker probably believes he's doing the right thing, similar to how Muhammad Atta thought he was doing something good.
- Tim compares getting mad at the leaker to being a psycho for getting angry at a dog for biting you—it's just his nature.
- Living in a country with fundamental disagreements is unavoidable; people disagree on abortion, gay rights, and other issues.
- Tim doesn't care what people think of him, and he believes much of the outrage stems from wanting everyone to think the same way.
- The idea that everybody hates you is exaggerated; most people simply don't care about your opinions or beliefs.
- Tim travels to different cities and crowds without witnessing hate speech onstage because genuinely offensive material without humor doesn't work in comedy clubs.
- 4 min
Discussion transitions into a philosophical point about living peacefully despite political disagreement, then rolls into a Manscaped sponsor read with a rambling story about a neighborhood kid growing up near an overgrown lawn.
9moments
- Tim just started headlining before the controversy derailed his career momentum.
- News outlets got his cell phone and his family's cell phone immediately after the incident broke.
- A couple people he knew personally spoke out against him, though he claims no lasting grudges.
- The controversial clip looks racist when read as a headline, but sounds like satire about segregationists when heard in context.
- Only white dudes recognize him on the street.
- Tim was getting hundreds of hateful DMs daily for about a month after the controversy.
- Manscaped precision-engineered tools are designed for below-the-belt grooming.
- Tim compares an unkempt penis to the overgrown, disgusting lawn of a weird neighborhood house from his childhood where an old witch and her possibly autistic son lived.
- The son would hand out suspicious candy on Halloween that parents checked for razor blades.
- 3 min
The Manscaped read continues with jokes about showing off a groomed penis at family gatherings, before wrapping up the sponsor pitch.
5moments
- People want to suck you if you clean it up and show them how.
- Tim explains why Manscaped's full package—deodorant, moisturizer, boxer briefs—is essential grooming.
- The Norelco body groom will literally cut your dick off, so Manscaped designed safety features for people with depth perception problems.
- Show your dick at Thanksgiving after grooming it with Manscaped—make it beautiful so your family can't get mad.
- His parents were cool with the bit because they have a sense of humor; his mom just laughed as her mom died.
- 3 min
Shane describes his dad's reaction to a Fox News story about his joke that it'd be funny if Trump got shot, and details his dad's pro-Trump stance versus his liberal stepmom naming pets after political figures.
7moments
- Shane did a joke at the Stand saying Trump's assassination would be objectively funny and the footage would be comical.
- Reporters at the show took down the joke and sent it to Fox News, which ran a story claiming Shane was calling for Trump's assassination.
- Shane's dad got furious when he saw the Fox News segment, telling Shane he was burning their last bridge with the Trump people.
- Shane's dad's wife named their three dogs Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Frederick Douglass, and Maya Angelou — one pair deliberately colored black and white.
- On election night, Shane's dad texted him "he did it," and Shane questioned whether he meant "we did it" instead.
- Shane's mom went to bed upset after the election, but his dad seemed fine with the result, which struck Shane as revealing.
- Tim notes that a lot of what's happening politically is performance — people putting on a show rather than genuinely broken up.
Donald TrumpFox NewsBarack ObamaFrederick DouglassRuth Bader GinsburgMaya Angelou
- 2 min
Tim and Shane marvel at Trump's rally speeches, particularly his riff on Ben Carson's biography, arguing Trump has made stand-up comedy almost redundant.
5moments
- Trump's speech about Baghdadi ranks among the best presidential speeches of all time.
- His Ben Carson speech — detailing Carson's alleged attempts to hit his mother with a hammer and his friend with a lock — is the funniest thing Tim's ever seen.
- Tim recommends watching Trump's rallies on YouTube as comedy shows, separate from political agreement.
- Going to a Trump rally is the funniest show you'll ever see, despite the mental illness on display at political rallies generally.
- The country's problems run too deep to believe they'll be solved without a miracle.
Ben Carsoncollege football
- 4 min
Tim floats the elaborate idea of mentoring Logan Paul to eventually run for president, discussing his suicide-forest scandal fallout and his own stated ambition to run if he gets bored.
7moments
- Tim met Logan Paul and discusses why people were so angry about the suicide forest video.
- Logan Paul told Tim that friends and celebrities he knew personally turned on him after the incident, though he acknowledged making a mistake.
- Tim visited Logan Paul's house for a podcast and describes it like the kid from Blank Check with sneakers and Ferraris scattered around.
- Logan Paul told Tim that in ten years, if bored, he'd run for president—which led Tim to the dark realization he might actually win and be good at it.
- Tim seriously considers grooming Logan Paul as a presidential candidate, comparing him to Nero as a fitting leader for this stage of empire decline.
- YouTube stars will become multimillionaires with huge fan bases in 15-20 years and no real skills, making them the natural pool for future politicians.
- Tim imagines future presidential fireside chats as YouTube videos where the president does makeup tutorials and asks viewers if they're feeling good.
- 1 min
Building the Bad Bunny/Bad Babies Cabinet Bit
#A goofy improvised bit naming random 'Bad Babies' cabinet members with producer Bobby feeding in names and hometowns for a fictional political ticket.
3moments
- Tim argues they need to cast a woman for the Bad Babies cabinet bit to avoid straightness.
- Vicki gets assigned as a Bad Baby and someone mentions she just got smacked up.
- Tim says both Vicki and another candidate look like they're from Kensington or North Philly.
- 2 min
Discussion of TikTok cringe compilations, vine stars, and the theory that future politicians will emerge from YouTube personalities with huge followings and no real skills.
4moments
- Tim wants to put Logan Paul in the White House, saying there's no part of him that's kidding about it.
- There's no real line between YouTube stars and comedians, except YouTube guys live in mansions while Tim lives in abandoned houses.
- TikTok is crazy — every cringe compilation features faces and scenarios you've never imagined, showing people who are that ugly.
- Tim says he wasn't on Twitter early and doesn't think he'll ever be on any of that stuff.
- 4 min
Shane discusses his awkward early Twitter apology tweets, advice from Logan Paul about not letting online hate get to you, and jokes about getting hired by The View after his scandal.
10moments
- Shane's early Twitter years were chaotic—he was just figuring out how to tweet in 2019 when the controversy hit.
- His apology tweets were written like congressional testimonies, mimicking Clinton's Lewinsky admission.
- Logan Paul told him not to let the backlash get in his head, since the initial panic afterward is worse than the actual offense.
- Tim proposes Shane should go on The View next—a fantasy career move after his first-year splash in New York.
- Tim mentions a knockoff view show called The Talk with a panelist Reddit called "Mother Nature" who defends problematic statements.
- The Show's panelists had a revelation watching Shane's controversy: white comedians deliberately say wrong things because that's what comedy is.
- Tim acknowledges he wasn't in his prime during that period and hasn't kept up with all the comedy specials released since then.
- He compares a recent female comedian's special to a dictator's daughter presenting at gunpoint—an unwilling, forced performance.
- Tim ran into the same comedian the next day, and she immediately asked if he'd seen a therapist, suggesting they may not be discussing the same person.
- He decides not to name the comedian since he didn't even listen closely to what she actually said about him.
Logan PaulThe ViewThe Talk
- 2 min
Tim and Shane watch and mock a cheesy music video by their friend Mikey Leapers, comparing it to Glee and laughing at its earnestness.
8moments
- Tim introduces Mikey Leapers' new music video filmed in Times Square.
- Tim acknowledges Mikey is smart and talented but questions his creative choices.
- The video shows Mikey spinning around before being grabbed by what appears to be Iron Man.
- Tim describes the video as insanely bad, comparing it to Glee from 2007.
- Mikey's fans will respond positively and nostalgically to the production style.
- Tim receives daily DMs from fans wanting to shoot guns with him and their dads.
- Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is promoted as not actually that secret anymore.
- If Matt had kept the podcast truly secret, he'd be on SNL Weekend Update instead.
Matt and Shane's Secret PodcastMekhi LeapersMekhi Libre
- 2 min
Shane and Tim run through upcoming tour dates and podcast plugs, thank the audience, and close out the episode with reminders to leave reviews.
7moments
- Tim announces upcoming live dates: November 30th at Laughing Skull Atlanta, December 13-14 in Worcester Mass.
- Just added Helium Buffalo and Stress Factory New Jersey shows to the schedule.
- Shane Gillis shares his own tour dates: Fort Worth this weekend November 14-16, Vermont Comedy Club November 21-23.
- More dates announced: Stress Factory Bridgeport December 5-7, Providence Rhode Island December 13-14, Magu B's January 9-11.
- Tim encourages listeners to follow both of them on Instagram and Twitter, leave 5-star ratings, and share the show.
- Tim tells people to share videos even if it gets them fired, and to not apologize to their families.
- Final sign-off: Tim thanks Lauren and wraps the episode.
- 2 min
The producer breaks in solo, joking about trying to sabotage Tim's career by releasing a Patreon teaser, and pitches the Patreon's back catalog of episodes and bonus content.
8moments
- Producer records alone in LA while Tim is in New York, speculating he's either at Smith & Wollensky taking pictures of meat or turning Epstein's townhouse into an influencer wall.
- Producer's main role is constantly trying to sabotage everything Tim has built over the past decade.
- A 30-minute Patreon teaser is being posted at the end of this episode to incentivize signups at patreon.com/thetenvillionsshow.
- 145 archived episodes and a weekly bonus episode exist on the Patreon, potentially containing foul or problematic content that could be used to take down Tim.
- Patreon features conspiracy theory episodes with Whitney Webb, former CIA agents, and Nick Bryant discussing various topics.
- Tim drives around Beverly Hills with the window rolled down screaming about pedophiles, billionaires, and dark money.
- An episode with Jessa Read discusses talking to aliens and tapping into a higher dimension.
- About 1500 people have already joined the Patreon, and the producer is asking for more to help take Tim down.
Jessa ReidWhitney Webbsmiley face killersNick BryantRuss BakerSmith & WollenskyYanis Papa's RaycomEpstein's townhouse
- 2 min
In the Patreon teaser with Ray, Tim considers starting a YouTube channel, with Ray suggesting mukbang eating videos as an easy path to viral fame.
5moments
- Tim considers whether he should start a YouTube channel with a gimmick.
- Raymond suggests Tim do mukbangs—eating entire meals like a Boston Market chicken while recording the sounds and describing it.
- Tim calculates that a mukbang video of him eating a whole Boston Market chicken could realistically get 200,000 to 250,000 views or go viral.
- Both discuss the appeal of YouTube videos where people eat entire restaurant menus, noting there's something oddly comforting about watching someone consume everything and gradually feel sick.
- They reference the Try Guys eating entire restaurant menus, and Tim notes one creator who goes to various fast-food chains and eats everything they serve.
Raymond CompYouTubeBoston MarketTaco BellTry GuysMcDonaldOlive Garden
- 2 min
Tim and Ray discuss how technology and passive video consumption are making people sick, and riff on what constitutes a real hobby versus watching things.
5moments
- Tim pitches competitive eating as a viable YouTube channel strategy, describing the specific formula of cooking ground beef, eating it, and pouring milk over your head for views.
- Technology is Pandora's Box that can't be closed, and it's making people sick by leading us into strange rabbit holes of things we want to see.
- We're all becoming weird passive viewers, and people need to get actual hobbies instead of just watching things.
- Tim lists potential hobbies like building a Miata car, stamp collecting, and tennis, questioning why hobbies have to be weird or cereal-adjacent.
- Reference to a guy Tim used to live with who had hobbies and died, trailing off into incomplete thought about stamp collecting.
- 2 min
Tim tells a story about an old man he used to live with via Craigslist, a former psychiatric prison warden with a stamp collection, and his son who used a voice box after lung cancer.
6moments
- Tim confesses to something he needs to get off his chest
- Tim told the man he worked at the morgue, which the guy found interesting
- The man's son is a recovering drug addict with a voice box due to lung cancer
- Tim suspects the father was abusive, refusing to get his son ice water when asked
- Tim's friend was too drunk to help, so Tim had to call the father named Robert
- The father was stuck between the toilet and bathtub when Tim called him about the fall
- 4 min
Tim and Ray joke about having a joint wedding, Tim positioning himself as a future presidential candidate with Steve Bannon-style handlers, and settling on the nickname 'the Pig.'
9moments
- Tim was at a wedding and started thinking about getting married and living a traditional life.
- Tim backs Logan Paul for a marriage of convenience, predicting he'll do better than expected.
- Discussion of whether Tim should become president years from now when he gets bored of comedy.
- Tim decides maybe he should be president of the United States instead of Logan Paul.
- Presidential requirements: Tim needs to get fatter and become a Chris Christie type, then move to Pittsburgh.
- Tim needs a nickname—the online right needs something to call him like "the Donald."
- Suggestion: "El Fuego" as a nickname meaning "the flame of the fire," not for being gay.
- Tim settles on "the Pig" as his nickname instead.
- Tim commits to the bit: "I'm your Pig, I'm now your Pig America," explaining pigs' virtues and hard work.
- 4 min
The bit escalates into a full satirical presidential campaign — Tim as 'American Pig' from Pittsburgh, assembling a cabinet with Logan Paul, Joe Rogan, Andrew Yang, and floating Hillary Clinton as VP.
8moments
- Tim Dylan American Pig announces his 2024 presidential campaign from Pittsburgh.
- The Pittsburgh Pig platform: supporters will wear pig noses and call out congressmen on his behalf.
- Tim proposes Logan Paul for Treasury Secretary to run the economic show.
- Joe Rogan gets appointed National Security Advisor, described as highly disciplined.
- Tim suggests Rogan should instead be Secretary of State because he's good at talking to people.
- Andrew Yang assigned to run the private prisons system.
- Hillary Clinton rejected as running mate; she says goodbye and leaves.
- Tim questions whether Hillary might swoop in for a last-minute primary entry, notes Fox News thinks she beats Trump.
Hillary ClintonJoe RoganLogan PaulAndrew YangBernie SandersDonald Trump
- 5 min
Speculation about Hillary Clinton re-entering the 2020 race, dark jokes about the Clinton body count conspiracy theories including Vince Foster and Vernon Jordan.
8moments
- Fox News shifted its stance but weren't truly behind Trump from the start, unlike Ann Coulter.
- The country club conservative establishment didn't like Trump initially, though rank-and-file Republicans did.
- Tim floats a conspiracy: Biden picks Hillary as VP, they win, then Biden gets impeached over Ukraine and Hillary becomes president.
- Hillary might be eyeing a comeback because the field is fractured between Bernie and Warren socialists and Blue Dog corporatists.
- Hillary could unite by claiming she tried Medicare for all first in the '90s, acknowledging she's a warmonger with private server emails.
- If Hillary was like Trump and didn't care about emails or deaths of people close to her, she might have won.
- Tim suggests Hillary dismiss concerns by invoking mysterious deaths: Vernon Jordan is alive, but Vince Foster was shot twice in the head.
- It would be interesting to see Hillary attempt a political comeback.
Fox NewsJoe BidenDonald TrumpHillary ClintonAnn CoulterJake TapperRush LimbaughVince Foster+3 more
- 6 min
Discussion of whether the country would be different under Hillary, followed by Tim's metaphor of America being suspended like a car hanging off a cliff since Trump's election, and Bannon's revolution rhetoric.
8moments
- Tim outlines what Hillary would need to say to win: border killings, concentration camps, Medicare-for-all, and a wall in China.
- Most things wouldn't be that different under Hillary; she'd lob more missiles in Syria but the economy would track similarly.
- Tim compares the current political moment to a car suspended off a cliff—nothing's happening but nothing's resolved since Trump was elected.
- Bannon is either a liar or a fool for claiming revolution would happen if nothing changed, then knowing it won't.
- The broader realization: we're at the brink of accepting there's nothing we can do to change the status quo.
- Tim proposes dating David Hogg, then pivots to a bit imagining what Hogg does for fun.
- Tim performs a fake seduction of David Hogg as a bit, escalating into absurd territory about guns.
- Tim notes he sends dark material to his producer Ban, who finds it funny but worries whether it should air outside Patreon.
- 1 min
Climate Change Will Make Politics Look Quaint
#A brief riff suggesting climate change will eventually eclipse political conflict as the real crisis, joking Manhattan could be underwater soon.
2moments
- Climate catastrophe might make current politics look like the good old days.
- Manhattan underwater in 20 years according to predictions.
- 2 min
Filming a Bobby Short Parody Sketch at the Carlyle
#Tim and Ray plan a satirical musical sketch parodying Bobby Short's 'I Happen to Like New York,' contrasting romanticized Manhattan imagery with homeless addicts in Penn Station.
3moments
- Tim and Ben want to film a Bobby Short parody sketch renting out the Carlyle hotel.
- They were sitting in Penn Station surrounded by homeless people and addicts vomiting, which got flashed on TV as news coverage.
- That one image—a girl vomiting amid heroin addicts scratching themselves on the floor—perfectly encapsulated the entire show and their concept.
Penn StationBobby ShortCarlyle
- 3 min
Singing the 'I Happen to Like New York' Parody
#Continuation of the parody song bit, riffing on gritty New York imagery like eating brain in Queens and having a phone stolen, contrasted with LA fantasies.
6moments
- Tim performs an 'I Happen to Like New York' parody, singing about Battery Park and the magic of the city at Christmas.
- Lyrics include eating brain at a place in Queens and enjoying Uber Pool despite having his phone stolen by a high school kid.
- Tim sings about eating hot dogs in the rain and invites the guest to visit Los Angeles to experience the vibe of Supreme skating culture.
- Tim jokes about hanging out at a skate park near him and ironically notes that most gators probably aren't high beasts.
- Guest suggests Tim come to LA where it's nice and warm, Tim acknowledges the fires burning there and jokes people should blame him for them.
- Tim considers getting a job in Los Angeles if his aunt Lucy gets a writing job out there.
New YorkBattery ParkLos AngelesQueens
- 4 min
Tim tries to convince Ray to visit LA, describing downtown LA, Skid Row, and Beverly Hills real estate, while Ray reminisces about his only flight ever being first class to New Orleans and its food.
7moments
- Tim suggests Ray take a vacation to LA to see the operation there.
- Downtown LA is post-apocalyptic, but nobody actually goes there—real LA is in the hills, Beverly Hills, and the beaches.
- Tim recommends Ray visit in January and start saving money for a ticket.
- Ray has only ever flown first class, never coach, and complains about flying coach.
- Tim suggests going back to New Orleans because it's warm—70 degrees in December.
- At Brennan's in New Orleans, get the eggs Royale with a red wine reduction—it's the best dish.
- New Orleans hotels are really nice and super cheap, making it a great value destination.