Episode · The Ben Avery Era
Tim Dillon vs The New York Post
May 25, 2022 · 34:55 · 376,000 views · 14 segments, 94 moments indexed
Tim has on his lawyer Ray Kump to break down the unforgivable libel by The New York Post in this emergency broadcast.
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- 1 min
Introducing Attorney Ray Kump for a 'Legal Matter'
#Tim opens a special episode claiming he's being defamed by the New York Post and brings on his "attorney" Ray Kump (a comedic bit) via Skype to address it.
4moments
- Tim introduces a special edition to address being defamed and slandered by the New York Post.
- Attorney Ray Kump from Wolf Spool Legal Proceedings in Delaware is on Skype for the matter.
- Kump vows to seek every legal remedy and claims to be in contact with the Hague and private contractors.
- Kump interrupts himself to ask if he's getting paid for this as a lawyer.
- 3 min
The NY Post's Fake Hamptons House Story
#Tim goes line by line through a New York Post article claiming he "slapped down $4 million" for a Hamptons house, pointing out the real price was $2.55 million and mocking the absurd headline and comparisons to George Carlin.
6moments
- The New York Post published an article claiming Tim bought a Hamptons house for four million dollars.
- Tim explains the article is full of lies and doesn't understand the purpose of fabricating details.
- The house was actually listed for 2.6 million and sold for around 2.55 million, not four million.
- Tim objects to the word 'slaps' in the headline, saying it makes him sound like a #MeToo scumbag.
- The Post compares Tim to George Carlin as heir to counter-cultural greats, which he says no one has ever claimed.
- The article lists a 3.9 million closing price and 4.5 million asking price—both false.
New York PostGeorge CarlinJennifer GoldMark MaronAdam Carolla
- 2 min
Debunking Beverly Hills, Manhattan, and the France/Italy Tour Lies
#He continues fact-checking the article's false claims that he owns homes in Beverly Hills and Manhattan and toured comedy in France and Italy, none of which are true.
5moments
- Tim denies owning a home in Beverly Hills, clarifying he owns one in Austin and would need $25 million to buy in Beverly Hills.
- Manhattan ownership claim is false — Tim says he has no plans to buy there and has told the host multiple times he'd kill himself before moving back.
- Tim never performed comedy in France or Italy despite the article claiming he completed a whirlwind tour through those countries and Australia.
- The article reads like Mad Libs, fabricating false details and inflating his net worth by millions of dollars to make him sound better.
- Tim started doing comedy in 2010, not 2008 as the article claims, following the economic crisis.
- 3 min
Blaming the Realtor for the Leak
#Tim speculates his realtor, a formerly famous real estate figure now overshadowed by Instagram-era realtors, leaked his information to the Post, comparing her "good run" to Fidel Castro's.
7moments
- Tim calls the misinformation in the article more egregious and damaging than the Iraq War.
- His realtor called asking if he minded his house purchase being leaked to the New York Post.
- Tim suspects the realtor herself leaked the information, claiming every realtor leaks stuff.
- The realtor was really hot back in the day but has been displaced by younger, Instagram-savvy competitors.
- Tim questions whether the realtor is feeding false information to the Post or if it's something else.
- The article dresses Tim up like a carnival barker, mentioning France, Italy, and Mediterranean comedy cruises.
- Tim notes the article is completely unresearched and weird, unsure of the realtor's actual role in planting it.
- 2 min
The Ugly Photo and Wrong Hamptons Location
#He complains about the unflattering photo the Post used and that they pictured the wrong, much wealthier part of the Hamptons, calling it Soviet-level disinformation.
6moments
- Tim suggests he could've claimed to spend $20 million on a Hamptons house after a private audience with the Pope, saying it's as true as the article's claims.
- The article used the worst possible photo of him, a close-up so disgusting he says anyone would want him dead.
- In the photo he looks drunk and disgusting, like a dad in family court realizing he doesn't want visitation.
- The Hamptons location shown in the article isn't even where his house is — they're displaying a different part of the area.
- The shot is actually of estates like Billionaire Beach, not his property at all.
- Tim describes this as Soviet-level disinformation, a chaos campaign designed to create confusion about him.
- 3 min
Suing, Adam Curtis Documentaries, and the Sesame Street Fact
#Tim and Ray riff on defamation lawsuits, comparing it to Depp v. Heard, joke about an Adam Curtis-style documentary opening, and note the only true detail in the article was him dancing with Snuffleupagus on Sesame Street.
9moments
- Tim imagines Adam Curtis opening a documentary about him buying a Southampton house for $4.5 million in 2022.
- Tim explores whether he has any legal recourse for the false claims made about him.
- The possibility of a six-week defamation trial, comparing it to the Depp-Heard case.
- Tim jokes about testifying that the realtor hit him and forced him to use the toilet in the street.
- Tim questions who bears responsibility—the realtor or the journalist who wrote the false article.
- Tim wonders why publications wouldn't just print the truth instead of fabricating details.
- His parents called him worried about claims he owns houses in Beverly Hills and France, all untrue.
- The articles claim he owns seventeen houses, giving people another reason to resent him.
- The one accurate thing in all the coverage: Tim danced the Poke with Snuffleupagus on Sesame Street.
Adam CurtisSesame StreetShattered Glass
- 4 min
Revenge Fantasy: Bombs and Squatting at Open Houses
#They fantasize about elaborate revenge on the realtor, including strapping fake bombs to themselves and showing up at her open houses claiming to have lived there.
8moments
- Tim compares talking to the realtor to questioning a confused grandmother about her life.
- He role-plays as his representative denying absurd claims: that he's a billionaire and in line to the Saudi throne.
- Tim says he's angry about the lies in the article and asks if he should go scorched earth on the writer.
- He describes this as standard practice—leaks full of lies—and brings up Trevor Noah as a recent example.
- Tim elaborates on the Trevor Noah child-biting incident in Penn Station as a one-time thing the mother approved.
- He proposes showing up to every open house the realtor does with bombs strapped to themselves.
- Tim suggests standing outside open houses claiming he used to live there and describing the property as a great hiding spot.
- He mentions still having the keys and that they always work in the lock.
- 3 min
The Fake Billionaire Buyer and Suicide Prank Scheme
#Continuing the revenge fantasy, they plot faking documents to pose Ray as a high-net-worth buyer to devastate the realtor, and joke about tweeting fake NRA-loving quotes under her name.
8moments
- Tim pitches a scheme to create a fake billionaire buyer with forged documents to prank a realtor into despair.
- The plan shifts to embezzling money from the bank while executing the prank for maximum damage.
- Tim discusses burning sources and taking down targets, comparing the realtor to a foreign agent.
- Filing a complaint with the real estate board, claiming the realtor called him a racial slur in front of a Black family.
- Tim proposes making a documentary about the realtor, recruiting help from someone involved in 9/11 conspiracy theories.
- Donating money to the NRA in the realtor's name and tweeting that she loves guns after a school shooting.
- Creating a fake Twitter account impersonating the realtor to tweet pro-gun and conspiracy content.
- Mixing her real estate listings with QAnon posts and violent gun slogans to damage her reputation online.
- 3 min
The Realtor Threatens to Have Them Killed
#The bit escalates into an imagined scenario where the realtor, tied to oligarchs and Putin, threatens to kill them, followed by a scheme involving a fake dying wish to sneak into an apartment and vandalize it.
5moments
- Realtor tells them she'll kill both of them, claims she sells condos to tyrants and taxes Vladimir Putin weekly.
- Tim explains the threat is foreseeable given realtors' connections to oligarchs and despots worldwide.
- Tim jokes about oligarchs being upset with the realtor, then pivots to a hypothetical plan involving a dying man's final wish.
- The scheme: get the realtor to show a Central Park apartment to a terminally ill person, then destroy it from the inside.
- Tim describes the chaos—feigning anaphylactic shock while his co-host acts like a whirling dervish shouting "hell Satan" in the apartment.
Vladimir PutinRick RubinCentral Park
- 2 min
Why Lie At All? The Weird Flex Theory
#Tim muses on why the realtor/reporter would fabricate such specific lies, wondering if it's dementia, a
7moments
- Tim complains that everything in the article about him is a lie, with friends and family constantly asking if claims are true.
- Good salesmen remember details like your kids' names and what your wife does for a living to make you feel known.
- Tim questions whether the realtor has dementia or simply doesn't care about the truth while doubling the house price.
- Theory: maybe the realtor thinks if she doesn't lie about Tim, no one will care, so she invents wild stories instead.
- Tim thanks his guest for helping correct the record on these complete fabrications.
- The two have brainstormed ways to respond appropriately to the situation.
- Tim proposes getting their hands dirty as a potential response, prompting laughter.
- 3 min
Calling Off the War and Family Confusion Over the Lies
#Ray pushes for a full-on war against the realtor while Tim hesitates, then complains that his family keeps calling him confused about whether the article's claims are true.
8moments
- Tim wants a war over the Airbnb situation with his real estate agent.
- He's unhappy with how things went and invokes sunlight as the greatest disinfectant.
- The agent is well-connected, and Tim isn't sure if she's actually at fault for the problems.
- Tim hints that if things go his way, his friend will soon have multiple houses in the Hamptons.
- Family and friends are calling him asking if he lied about the house price and what's going on with all this.
- The media makes things up and lies constantly, like they did about Russia for two years.
- A New York Post article came out that people are using to call Tim a liar, though he claims it's completely fabricated except for the fact that he bought a house in the Hamptons.
- The whole process was a disaster and the real estate agent was good at negotiating but Tim is unhappy with how it ended.
- 3 min
IRS Suspicion and the Heroin Money-Laundering Theory
#Tim jokes the fake $4 million figure could trigger IRS scrutiny, and they riff on the possibility the realtor is using him as cover for a heroin money-laundering scheme.
9moments
- Tim compares the real estate price discrepancy to O.J. Simpson-level PR disaster.
- Why doesn't the IRS flag a $2.5 million house purchase when someone claims a $4 million spread?
- Tim theorizes the realtor might be using him in a heroin money-laundering scheme.
- Everyone in this world is litigious, so Tim speculates it's possible she's selling heroin—though he doesn't actually believe it.
- Ray Cump plugs his podcast and Patreon as a guest sign-off.
- Tim can't smoke cigarettes in his Brooklyn apartment because of fire code.
- The fire extinguishers in Tim's apartment don't work—one time nearly burning down the kitchen.
- This is apparently from a New York Post writer's account of Ray's high-society connections.
- Tim argues that disinformation is the real problem—people just need to be honest.
- 2 min
Pivot to School Shootings and Media Fatigue
#Tim shifts abruptly to discussing school shootings, joking darkly about media desensitization and whether they should stop reporting shooters' names or the shootings at all.
7moments
- Tim declares himself against school shootings, calling them heinous crimes.
- The routine nature of shootings has made the constant pledges to do something feel hollow and repetitive.
- Tim proposes the provocative idea of simply not reporting school shootings at all.
- His reasoning: if we stopped talking about them, they might stop being this constant background horror people are numb to.
- Guest points out media outlets have already stopped naming the shooters in most cases, but the question of reporting itself remains.
- Tim jokes about the absurdity of his own suggestion, saying he'd pretend the events never happened while simultaneously recounting them.
- He expresses exhaustion with the cycle and predicts his co-host Ben will spend days correcting the record of what was said on this episode.
- 2 min
Closing Bit: Ray Kump's Sketchy Law Firm and Sign-off
#They close out mocking Ray's fake law firm "Wolf Spool Legal Proceedings" as a shady Primerica-style scam operation, plug his Patreon, and sign off.
5moments
- Tim identifies the real estate article as the most pressing issue in the country.
- He dismisses involvement in the weapons industry to focus on problems with realtors.
- Ray Kump is introduced as Tim's attorney from Wolf's Pool Legal.
- Tim compares Wolf's Pool Legal to Primerica, a predatory outfit in poor neighborhoods with fake financial centers and brochures claiming debt is good.
- The pitch: a desperate person hasn't seen their daughter in three years, and the attorney promises to change that.