Episode 309 · The Ben Avery Era
The Life Coach | The Tim Dillon Show #309
Jul 31, 2022 · 1:11:35 · 578,000 views · 22 segments, 122 moments indexed
Tim goes wild during an ad read, explains why Americans are moving to Mexico in droves, an educational active shooter video, and Zelensky's Vogue cover shoot.
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- 2 min
Recession Talk and Inflation
#Tim opens by discussing debate over whether the US is in a recession, rising gas and food prices, and Biden's claims the economy is fine despite negative growth.
4moments
- Tim defines recession as two consecutive quarters of negative growth, which the US hasn't technically had.
- Feeding a fat American family now costs about $3,000 a week with inflation on food.
- Biden says the US is not in a recession despite two consecutive quarters of economic shrinkage.
- Job numbers remain good and people are employed, which Tim identifies as a positive amid the economic pain.
- 4 min
Tim reads a story about a Florida woman who alleges an Airbnb host in Tulum tried to sex traffic her and her friends, and riffs on Airbnb 'creatively' pivoting into trafficking as a business strategy.
6moments
- Tim argues Airbnb has pivoted to trafficking women as a business model expansion to survive economic pressures.
- Florida woman in Tulum found blood on a key when checking in; Airbnb concierge claimed it was paint.
- The rental's keypads were unconfigured, allowing anyone to enter and access the rooms or occupants.
- A strange man claiming to be security appeared outside the home after the guests returned, but staff never answered to verify his identity.
- Airbnb refunded the victim $67 and Tim speculates the trafficking attempt failed because the guests weren't deemed attractive enough.
- Tim applauds Airbnb's expansion from renting dilapidated homes to trafficking vulnerable people as a creative business strategy.
- 3 min
The Death of Airbnb Pretend-Life Fantasy
#Tim argues the pandemic-era fantasy of Airbnb-hopping between identities is over, that people must now choose one life, and that Airbnb should just return to being a party-trashing house rental business.
8moments
- Tim on the Airbnb fantasy: staying in someone else's house and pretending to live their life during the pandemic.
- People bought property in Austin and Nashville after a pulled pork sandwich convinced them they should get a mortgage.
- The pandemic is over—you must actually choose a life now instead of being a different person every week.
- You have to choose what type of person you're going to be: the bread baker, the political activist, the Nashville boots person, the Austin taco person.
- Airbnb was always supposed to be for pretending, wondering what it feels like to live in Montana or Palm Springs.
- Airbnb tried to steer away from being a party house, but that's really what it should be.
- The real purpose of Airbnb: rent the house, have a party, trash it, hope nobody dies in the pool.
- Frat guys should pilgrimage through your Tucson house for 48 hours, pillage it, and you pocket $1,300 for the privilege.
AirbnbmonkeypoxAustinLos AngelesNashvilleNew YorkCharlestonMontana+4 more
- 4 min
Monkeypox and Discovery Land Compounds for Billionaires
#A riff on monkeypox leads into an extended bit about Discovery Land Company's ultra-luxury gated communities (Yellowstone Club, Madison Club, etc.) where celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio lure in billionaires.
8moments
- Monkeypox as a coming-out story for gay men who claim they don't know how they contracted it.
- Discovery Land communities cater to billionaires wanting vacation homes across the country, strategically built around championship golf courses.
- Discovery Land gives celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio free houses early, then uses them as bait to attract wealthy buyers willing to pay tens of millions.
- Tim monitors where the ultra-wealthy relocate to understand how society is unfolding and where the rich prefer to live.
- Discovery Land compounds include Bakers Bay in the Bahamas, Yellowstone Club in Montana, Gozzer Ranch in Idaho, and Makena in Maui.
- The names of these exclusive developments sound like white supremacist compounds.
- Discovery Land creates isolated Narnias around the world for the wealthy while inexplicably avoiding Austin, Texas as a location.
- Tim questions why no Discovery Land compound exists in Austin, Texas, calling it a no-brainer location choice.
Leonardo DiCaprioDiscovery Land CompanyKardashiansluxury real estate development
- 1 min
Pitching a Comedy Club Compound in Austin
#Tim jokes that Discovery Land should build a luxury compound in Austin where every mansion has its own podcast studio and comedy club for rich people to pretend to be comedians.
4moments
- Austin's climate is winning right now at 100° and 41% humidity, heading to 103 by Wednesday.
- Discovery Land properties should build a luxury compound in Austin where every 15,000 square foot house has its own comedy club and podcast studio.
- Rich psychopaths can pretend to be comedians in their private comedy clubs.
- Austin's appeal is the idea that you've got something to say, so why shouldn't billionaires have things to say too?
Discovery LandAustin
- 1 min
Tim interrogates his co-host/producer about his secret bookie, obtained through a realtor friend, and his growing sports betting habit, joking he should be arrested.
6moments
- Ben admits he has a bookie.
- Tim questions whether Ben's gambling will metastasize into a real problem.
- Ben reveals he sometimes bets up to $400 on a single baseball game.
- The bookie is a trust fund kid Ben met through their loser realtor friend.
- Tim points out that gambling isn't allowed in California and sarcastically calls for Ben's arrest.
- Tim says if they do arrest Ben, he hopes they save his life because he deserves to be in jail.
- 1 min
Tim reads a straightforward ad for Mud/Wtr, describing the mushroom coffee alternative and its new rest blend, and gives the discount code.
3moments
- Mud/Wtr is a coffee alternative with adaptogenic mushrooms and Ayurvedic herbs, delivering 1/7 the caffeine of coffee without anxiety or jitters.
- The product is Whole 30 approved, USDA organic, non-GMO, gluten-free, vegan, and kosher certified.
- Tim phased out coffee and switched to Mud/Wtr, claiming it keeps him alert and allows them to do the show well.
- 1 min
The Mud/Wtr ad derails into an absurd fictional story about Tim witnessing a robbery, drinking mud water, and brutally killing the robber with his bare hands before returning the purse.
2moments
- Tim describes drinking Mud/Wtr for the first time while feeling sad and witnessing a street robbery.
- He killed the robber with his bare hands, gouging the attacker's eyes and bashing his head into the pavement until blood covered everything.
- 2 min
Tim reads the Bespoke Post ad describing the Box of Awesome subscription gift boxes, mentions items he's received, and gives the discount code.
3moments
- Tim explains how Box of Awesome works: take a quiz, get a curated box monthly with $70 worth of items for $40.
- Bespoke Post sent Tim whiskey tumblers and a travel bag, but he only wants world peace.
- Tim gave a Box of Awesome to a friend who receives different themed items monthly, from bottle openers for moonshine-making to camping gear and bear spray.
- 4 min
Tim discusses backlash to Zelenskyy and his wife's Vogue cover shoot, arguing the war's popularity was always tied to Zelenskyy's attractiveness and questioning why a wartime profile discusses their marriage.
8moments
- Tim questions why people are mad that Zelenskyy did a Vogue cover shoot, asking if he's not allowed to feel attractive.
- Tim describes Ukraine as full of white people, many uncomfortably close to Nazi-ish, a country no one would care about without the attractive leader angle.
- People are angry that he dared to be attractive, which Tim identifies as the only way the narrative works.
- Olena Zelenska told Vogue she likes being backstage and that the whole thing was an accident, a contradiction Tim finds amusing.
- Tim questions why Vogue is asking them about their marriage during wartime—why not just stick with life in wartime?
- One of the photos shows Mrs. Zelenskyy posing glamorously in front of wreckage of a plane in a sexy but distressed pose.
- If you've ever done a photo shoot, you know how incredibly in bad taste this is—they have to do multiple takes to get it right.
- Tim explains that once you realize the nuts and bolts of actually executing a photo shoot during wartime, it does seem insane.
Volodymyr ZelenskyyOlena ZelenskaUkraineVogue
- 6 min
The Zelenskys' Hollywood Pivot
#Tim theorizes the Zelenskys are following a Meghan Markle/Harry playbook, using the war to build an international celebrity brand, meeting with Ben Stiller's production company, and preparing to cash out via streaming deals.
10moments
- Avi Yemini's tweet about Zelensky's faked tactical gear photos and Vogue pivot confusing people.
- Zelensky and his wife are meeting with realtors from Selling Sunset and heading to Hollywood like Meghan Markle and Harry.
- Tim predicts the Zelenskys will start producing content and some of it might be good because the whole thing has been a production from the beginning.
- Zelensky used the crisis brilliantly to build an international lifestyle brand, seizing the opportunity like Rahm Emanuel's rule about not wasting a crisis.
- The Zelenskys have been faking things long enough with the fake flak jacket and helmet photo shoots.
- Russians won't leave because they're genuinely committed to taking a factory in Donbas, no matter how many people die.
- A Vogue photo shoot signals Zelensky is not trying to die on the battlefield despite how he presented it earlier.
- Tim applauds Zelensky's pivot away from dying for his people because modern leaders don't do that—they get streaming deals and sit on couches with Oprah.
- Modern leaders from Zelensky to Trump won't go down with the ship because they've created other things.
- The brilliant idea at the beginning was that Zelensky might actually be on the front lines, which would be unimaginable for American leaders.
Volodymyr ZelenskyyNetflixVogueBen StillerAvi YeminiRahm Emanuel
- 2 min
Modern Leaders Don't Go Down With the Ship
#Tim compares Zelenskyy's media pivot to George W. Bush's turkey photo-op in Iraq, arguing modern leaders never actually risk their lives, just stage photo ops.
4moments
- Tim recalls George W. Bush's Thanksgiving turkey visit to Iraq troops, describing it as a modern leader's photo op before sending soldiers to their deaths.
- Modern leaders no longer go down with the ship — they visit battlefields in staged appearances while troops stay on the frontlines.
- Nobody cares about the Ukraine war anymore, but it's still happening.
- The Russians are willing to stay in Ukraine for a century, making any short-term strategic calculations irrelevant.
- 4 min
Tim discusses the proposed trade of Brittney Griner for a Russian arms dealer, invoking Otto Warmbier's fate, and jokingly demands Griner be relentlessly, Candace Owens-level patriotic upon her return.
8moments
- Brittney Griner went to Russia to supplement her income and was caught with a hashish oil vape pen.
- Tim notes the U.S. is trading her for a Russian arms dealer—a WNBA member for an arms dealer.
- Otto Warmbier went to North Korea, was imprisoned, and returned so severely damaged his sister ran off the plane screaming.
- If the Biden administration bails out Griner by trading a Russian arms dealer, she should be "Candace Owens-level patriotic" in return.
- Tim argues that if Biden arranges Griner's release, she should just be happy about it and not complain.
- The condition of any prisoner swap should require relentless positivity about America, no matter what.
- Griner can't return and start asking questions like "How many women were nominated for Best Director?"
- If Griner goes on Oprah after the trade, she should only say how great America is.
Brittney GrinerJoe BidenOtto WarmbierCandace Owens
- 9 min
Tim reads an LA Times article about American digital nomads flooding Mexico City and locals resenting the 'new wave of imperialism,' pointing out the hypocrisy compared to US debates on immigration.
13moments
- Tim notes that Californians and other Mexicans are flooding Mexico City and locals don't like it, adding "it works both ways."
- If you wanted to be a big open world, you're going to have to deal with occasionally sending and receiving people that aren't great.
- Tim reads LA Times article describing American presence in Mexico City as "a new wave of imperialism" for getting drunk.
- A Mexican man requests a menu in Spanish at an American restaurant, prompting Tim to note this mirrors the criticism Americans face over not learning Spanish.
- Tim attacks the LA Times as staffed by dumb people, joking their beat includes searching the comedy store with a black light for Chris D'Elia's semen.
- White people traveling are annoying—Tim describes American tourists at a Michelin-starred London restaurant asking for ketchup instead of hearing about historical courses.
- Calling Americans drinking margaritas "imperialism" is stupid and insane, and the LA Times didn't realize how crazy the article sounds.
- Posters appeared telling foreigners they're a plague and should leave, with complaints that the city is becoming more expensive because of them.
- A video game designer notes a distinction between people who want to learn about Mexico and those who just like it because it's cheap—the same distinction applies to immigration to America.
- The LA Times calls people Nazis for questioning immigration challenges to America, but writes sympathetically about Mexican difficulties with American influx—the hypocrisy is striking.
- Tim on the claim that white Americans are bolstering Mexico's caste system: "This is why people's brains have been broken."
- Mexicans complaining about Americans wanting English menus and coming for cheap cost echo the exact criticisms Americans make of Mexican immigration to the US.
- These are the same criticisms often leveled at Mexican immigration into the US by people frequently labeled as racist.
LA TimesChris D'EliaMexico CityMandarin Oriental HotelHeston BlumenthalimmigrationHugo VandermolenParis+1 more
- 1 min
Tim continues dissecting the article, noting a local activist complains about the exact same things (menus in English, foreigners not caring) that anti-immigration voices say about Mexicans in the US.
2moments
- Mexico's classist and racist, with white-skinned people given preference over locals competing with both rich Mexicans and foreigners.
- Tim points out that global integration comes with certain problems — you can't have a globalized world without complications.
MexicoBustos
- 1 min
A Concert of Midwestern White People Singing Mexican Folk Songs
#A quick bit imagining bringing white Midwesterners to Mexico City to badly perform traditional Mexican folk music with a Southern twang.
1moment
- Tim pitches a concert idea: bringing Midwestern white people to Mexico City to sing traditional Mexican folk songs in a southern twang with poor pronunciation.
- 6 min
Sarah Lupton the Life Coach in Mexico City
#Tim mocks a woman profiled in the article who moved to Mexico City and became a 'career coach,' performing an extended improvised sketch of her cluelessly life-coaching a Mexican woman named Luz whose brother was killed by cartels.
7moments
- Tim imagines Sarah Lupton's pitch as a life coach in Mexico, opening with her privileged backstory about Larchmont and her father's bank job.
- Sarah's approach to coaching: introducing manifesting and meditation to a Mexican woman whose brother lost his hand in the drug trade.
- Sarah pivots the therapy session to focus on the client's inner self, breaking into a monologue about drinking her mother's wine in Larchmont gardens.
- When the client describes threats of extreme violence, Sarah dismisses it as anatomically impossible and charges seventy dollars for the session.
- Tim's broader complaint: white Americans moving to Mexico as life coaches represents exporting the worst people to a country with genuinely hardworking locals.
- Lauren Rodwell, another expat marketer, fled San Francisco's culture of introductions built around career to find vibrant cities with good energy and art.
- Tim suggests Mexico would need extreme violence to stop the influx of tech workers from reshaping the country's culture and economy.
Laura RodwellSarah LuptonMexicoMexico CityLarchmont, New YorkSan FranciscoBrooklynBushwick
- 2 min
Tim reads the DoorDash summer of DashPass ad, describing delivery fee savings and the promo code.
2moments
- Tim reads DoorDash ad copy with Ekaterina, then pivots to saying DoorDash is a great way to get everything you need.
- Promo code Tim Dillon gets 50% off first order up to $15 value on DoorDash during summer of DashPass.
- 4 min
Steve Will Do It's Fake Proposal Video
#Tim and his guest watch and react to a Steve Will Do It YouTube video involving a staged proposal to his girlfriend Selena, discussing how none of the Nelk-adjacent content is real, comparing it to Tana Mongeau and Jake Paul stunts.
8moments
- Tim introduces Steve Will Do It as a breakout star of the Nelk Boys and recommends his YouTube channel.
- Steve's new video is titled something like 'Why My Girlfriend' but Tim doubts any of it is real.
- Steve's plan: fake propose to his girlfriend Selena with a bait-and-switch reveal about a ring he got himself.
- Tim imagines George Carlin witnessing modern YouTube culture with its algorithms and Snapchats and Reels.
- These creators know nothing they do is real—Steve eats dinner on a pool table while pretending to propose.
- Tana Mongeau and Jake Paul did a bit where she announced a pregnancy, denied it, then revealed hidden cameras.
- Tim mentions he was supposed to do Steve's podcast but had COVID and kept canceling.
- Tim jokes that Steve is culturally appropriating in a sombrero photo while looking happy with a big bottle of alcohol.
- 1 min
Tim runs through upcoming live shows including Wiseguys Comedy Club in Salt Lake City, Westhampton Beach, and mentions his Netflix special dropping August 16th.
2moments
- Tim announces tour dates at Wiseguys Comedy Club in Salt Lake City and invites Mormons to attend.
- Netflix special drops August 16th with trailer and promotion coming soon.
- 12 min
Reacting to the LA County Sheriff Active Shooter Training Video
#Tim and his guest watch and riff extensively on a 2015 LA County Sheriff active shooter training video, mocking the acting, the girl who smiles during the shooting, the slow and overweight police response, and the grim absurdity of treating mass shootings as routine American life.
11moments
- Tim opens by noting active shooter events are just part of American life now, not necessarily something to view negatively.
- The LA County Sheriff's 2015 active shooter training video has been circulating on Twitter and now plays at retail jobs like Sears and Walmart.
- Tim jokes that if you don't like armed employees shooting coworkers mid-shift, move to Mexico City.
- A supervisor tells an employee "we're going to have to let you go" right before he shoots her—Tim imagines the shooter's frustration at being denied the job.
- Tim notes the weird dialogue written between active shooter scenes, like one actor asking another if she's losing sleep, then a woman saying "Lizards live in tanks."
- When the video finally gets to survival advice, Tim interrupts: stop telling us the backstory and explain how to actually survive.
- Tim reacts to the 911 dispatcher casually handling another mall shooting, saying it's just America now.
- The production quality of the training video is so high it looks like John Wick, which Tim finds absurd.
- Tim appreciates that the video doesn't pretend police will help—only that they're minutes away—though he notes they should add that cops may never even enter the building.
- A Black actress smiles flirtatiously when someone announces there's an active shooter, a moment the director apparently never corrected.
- When police finally arrive 15 minutes later, Tim comments on how overweight the officers are in the training video.
active shootersLA County SheriffUvaldeMexico CitySearsWalmart
- 1 min
Closing Riff: Stay Safe and Leave Mexico Alone
#Tim closes the show telling listeners to stay safe and avoid getting shot, and jokingly tells anyone going to Mexico to just drink tequila instead of starting life-coaching businesses, before directing listeners to tickets and Patreon.
2moments
- Tim advises people to try to keep themselves from getting shot.
- If you go to Mexico, leave them alone and don't set up life coaching businesses there.