Episode 299 · The Ben Avery Era
#299 - Family Recipe | The Tim Dillon Show
May 22, 2022 · 1:11:33 · 517,000 views · 20 segments, 123 moments indexed
Tim Dillon breaks down how to cook for your family on a budget, South African band "Die Antwoord" and their horrifying string of scandals, and how to get around the baby formula shortage.
Watch on YouTubeDiscuss on Reddit
- 2 min
Back from Australia and the Irrelevant June Special
#Tim welcomes listeners back to the studio after touring Australia, joking that his upcoming comedy special is packed with dated COVID and riot material that will feel completely irrelevant by its June release.
3moments
- Tim just got back from Australia and the tour is over.
- Tim's completely irrelevant special coming in early June will let you relive one of the worst times of your life.
- The special covers other stuff beyond 2020 material, including Pizza Hut.
- 11 min
Tim and Ben dig into news stories about South African group Die Antwoord (Ninja and Yolandi) and allegations from their adopted son Taki, who accuses them of sexual abuse, nudity, blood rituals, and slavery, including praising him for stabbing his brother.
12moments
- Die Antwoord is a South African hip-hop duo known for Zeff style music, adopting disfigured children, and running through the woods with machetes.
- Zeff style means being poor but fancy, or ghetto fabulous.
- Adopted son Taki accuses Die Antwoord of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and slavery.
- Taki claims they made him believe he was the devil and could bring darkness upon the world.
- Taki describes his adoptive mother being naked and drunk, wanting him to spend time with her in the room.
- Taki stabbed his older brother three times, and Ninja and Yolandi congratulated him for becoming a man.
- Die Antwoord allegedly took children to a private clinic to have their blood withdrawn for blood rituals.
- Tim argues Taki should be grateful—there wasn't a line of people trying to adopt him, and kindness sometimes comes with unwanted aspects like blood rituals.
- The blood rituals are bad compared to what—Taki's other options in Johannesburg were limited.
- Tim compares Taki's blood ritual participation to the price of fame, noting many people in Los Angeles are partaking in blood rituals just to get ahead.
- Die Antwoord got cancelled previously for smacking a gay rapper they were feuding with, and now face the blood ritual allegations.
- It's a string of scandals for Die Antwoord, and Taki eventually decided this wasn't the way to live.
Die AntwoordTakiNinjaYolandi VisserZeffKyle Hans BrockmanAndy Butler
- 5 min
They play an audio clip of Taki describing stabbing his brother over a speaker and phone, with Tim repeatedly mocking the South African accent and questioning whether being adopted by Die Antwoord counts as a "prize."
10moments
- Tim plays a clip of Taki describing stabbing his brother over a speaker and phone.
- Tim mocks Taki's accent as 'from hell' and questions whether the people calling him a demon were wrong.
- The clip sounds worse at normal speed than double speed, and Tim demands it stop.
- Tim notes Taki was adopted and is complaining, suggesting he should say thank you instead.
- Taki details jumping over an electrified gate, hiding in bushes for hours, and watching the police response unfold.
- Taki claims he almost killed his brother but also saved his life in the same incident.
- Tim asks directly: if you adopt this person and he starts stabbing people in your home, is that a prize?
- Tim anticipates everyone will defend Taki despite him stabbing his brother, saying he's always cast as the monster in these situations.
- Tim sarcastically suggests Taki's trauma from blood rituals and black magic in the bush doesn't justify attacking family with a knife.
- Tim jokes about who hasn't done a blood ritual with their parents in a bush as a rhetorical question.
- 2 min
Defending Taki, Sort Of
#Ben and Tim debate whether Taki deserves sympathy, concluding that Ninja and Yolandi encouraging him to stab his brother reflects worse on them than on him, before wishing the family well and moving on.
5moments
- Ninja and Yolandi reportedly encouraged Taki to stab his brother, then congratulated him for "becoming a man" at age 12.
- Tim concedes that describing the family dynamic is actually an indictment of the parents, not a defense of Taki.
- Tim settles on the assessment that it wasn't a great family unit for anyone involved and wishes everyone well.
- Taki's mother should have known the deal when she sent her child to live with De Antware in the middle of South Africa.
- Tim on Die Antwoord's music: it's fine until you realize you need to be on Bassalts running around the bush with a machete to actually enjoy it.
We wish them wellDie Antwoord
- 2 min
Tim reads a sponsored segment for Vincero Collective watches, describing the Argo Automatic dive watch, their return policy, and discount code.
4moments
- Tim recommends Vincero Collective watches at vincerocollective.com/timdillan for a good watch at a good price.
- Vincero is a premium lifestyle brand from San Diego that makes watches, eyewear, and other products.
- Tim and Ben both own Vincero watches and recommend them as a way to support the show.
- Vincero offers a 5-year guarantee and 365-day free return policy to back their products.
- 1 min
- 3 min
Tim runs through bad economic news—Netflix and Bitcoin crashing, rising interest rates—and reads about wealthy Americans buying second passports as a hedge against COVID, climate change, and political turmoil, tying it into his own idea of getting Irish/EU citizenship.
8moments
- Tim outlines the current economic crisis: Netflix down 71%, streamers and tech companies struggling, interest rates rising, real estate softening.
- Wealthy Americans are buying second passports as insurance, citing pandemic, climate change, and political turmoil—Tim predicted this exodus years ago.
- Tim considers his own escape plan, exploring EU citizenship through his Irish grandfather heritage or moving in with Deantword.
- People now view America itself the way they viewed New York and LA during the pandemic: as a place to hedge bets on rather than an inevitable world power.
- Golden passport programs cost between 1.1 million in Malta and 9.5 million in Austria, marketed as climate and pandemic insurance by wealthy applicants.
- Beverly Hills Hotel asks Tim to write memories on stationery—he refuses to do homework for a hotel he already loves.
- Wealthy people are openly hedging their bets on America, keeping wealth there while scouting other countries for the next pandemic or climate catastrophe.
- Tim asks whether certain geographies will fare better during inevitable climate catastrophes than others.
Netflixsecond passportsBeverly Hills HotelBitcoinIreland
- 3 min
Where to Survive Climate Collapse (and Suspicious Wellness Propaganda)
#Ben and Tim discuss which US regions would fare best in climate disasters, then Tim pivots into a theory that wellness articles pushing intermittent fasting and skipping dinner are secretly conditioning people for food scarcity pushed by billionaires.
6moments
- Best places to survive climate collapse are the Finger Lakes, upper Michigan, parts of Montana and Wisconsin, and parts of Canada.
- Tim would rather die than live in upper Michigan.
- Surviving climate means needing fresh water, no hurricanes, no flooding, no fires, and no food shortages.
- Evil billionaires push wellness content through blogs to prepare people psychologically for food scarcity.
- Nobody actually cares about your health and wellness—it's just about whether you're attractive and can make money online.
- Tim notes being hot should be the goal, but suspicious wellness articles keep appearing about things like drinking too much water.
wellnessfood shortage
- 4 min
Tim reads a study claiming eating only during the day extends lifespan, framing it as propaganda preparing the public for coming food shortages, joking that dinner will soon be rebranded as a rich person's luxury.
9moments
- Landmark study shows eating only during daytime could add years to your life, dropping just as food shortages and inflation dominate the news.
- Tim describes how authorities will gaslight people about dinner being a recent luxury when historically most people ate bread and grain by dusk.
- University of Texas Southwestern researchers claim timing meals right increases longevity by 35%, but Tim notes everyone already knows you shouldn't eat late.
- Articles promoting daytime eating conveniently trickle out the moment food shortages become a public concern.
- Study authors recommend restricting meals to Americans' most active hours, which Tim argues is literally zero—most Americans are koalas all day.
- Lab animals on nighttime feeding schedules actually lived longer, contradicting the study's own recommendation for daytime eating.
- Lead author Professor Joseph Tekashi proposes humans restrict eating to daytime despite the data showing animals thrive on nighttime feeding.
- Tim warns the next escalation will be articles promoting straight fasting, disguised as health advice when it's really about food rationing.
- The timing of these studies—as food shortages panic spreads—reveals a coordinated messaging campaign disguised as nutritional science.
- 2 min
Tim reads about the nationwide baby formula shortage, then he and Ben discuss whether breastfeeding versus formula-feeding affects infant health outcomes.
6moments
- Baby formula shortage described as a nationwide food crisis with 30% drop in availability at retail outlets.
- Tim jokes about articles suggesting infants are too reliant on formula and proposing intermittent fasting for babies.
- Tim was bottlefed while his co-host was breastfed; Tim notes breastfed kids seem just as messed up as bottlefed ones.
- Statistics show formula-fed or mixed-fed infants are 2.88 times more likely to develop gastrointestinal infections than exclusively breastfed infants.
- Not all women breastfeed due to practicality and physical pain from babies chewing on nipples.
- Tim asks whether the formula shortage would be solved entirely if everybody just started breastfeeding.
baby formula shortagebreastfeeding
- 3 min
They look up whether babies actually need formula after a year, then play/react to Biden's comments admitting inflation is a serious problem that may worsen, mocking his response about the national debt.
6moments
- If you want your toddler to be a soy boy, you can give them fortified unsweetened soy beverage instead of cow's milk.
- Biden comes out and says inflation will get worse—always reassuring when politicians make it feel better.
- Biden's message: Things are bad now, but they're actually going to get worse.
- Tim paraphrases Biden: Buying baby formula is going to be like buying a bottle of Crystal.
- Biden claims his policies help, not hurt, and blames the problem on economists' broad consensus rather than spending.
- Tim notes the disconnect: Your infant is screaming and you have no formula, but Biden's talking about reducing the national deficit.
- 2 min
Tim reads a sponsor segment for StartMail, an encrypted, privacy-focused email service, touting its aliases feature and discount code.
2moments
- Tim criticizes free email services like Gmail and Yahoo for selling user data to the highest bidder instead of truly being free.
- He explains why he uses StartMail to keep his email encrypted and private, with deleted emails gone forever.
- 2 min
Bitcoin Crash as the Ultimate Parenting Replacement
#Tim riffs on Bitcoin's price crash to $30k, joking that watching crypto swing up and down perfectly replicates the emotional highs and lows of raising a child, and encourages people to buy the dip instead of having kids.
4moments
- Data harvesting by tech companies has surpassed oil as the most profitable commodity, and people need to protect themselves online.
- Bitcoin is down to around 31,000 and might be time to buy, though Tim isn't ready yet.
- If you have money available during a market crash, it's when wealthy people get richer by buying assets at their floor.
- Tim asks whether they could buy baby formula in bulk and resell it, and whether there's any law preventing it.
- 6 min
Buying Baby Formula in Bulk to Resell, and Extending Abortion Access
#Tim jokes about arbitraging bulk baby formula purchases to resell at a markup, then spins into a bit proposing the Supreme Court delay overturning Roe v. Wade for six months to let people 'get in' before banning abortion, given the formula shortage.
10moments
- Tim's business plan: buy baby formula in bulk and resell it to poor areas at a markup.
- With Roe v. Wade being overturned and no formula available, Supreme Court should extend abortion access to seven or eight months, even on the operating table.
- Proposal: overturn Roe v. Wade but allow abortion up to and including day of birth for six months during the formula shortage.
- People are desperate and can't control the babies already here; the country should implement a Chinese-style ban on birth.
- Crypto ownership is a better replacement for having children—Bitcoin provides the same emotional highs and lows as raising a kid.
- Mommy bloggers and cryptocurrency community culture offer identical content—both obsess over their chosen investment constantly.
- It's irresponsible to have children right now; America needs a one to two-year moratorium on all births across every race.
- Close all OBGYNs, treat pregnant mothers as criminals, forcibly abort their children, then give them cryptocurrency to watch instead.
- Elon Musk buying Twitter means Tim can finally threaten to kill his aunt and post her address again without consequences.
- Stop arguing about Roe v. Wade—ban birth entirely instead.
BitcoinElon MuskRoe v. WadeSupreme CourtYes or yes
- 3 min
Proposing a National Birth Moratorium
#Tim escalates into a bit arguing America should impose a one-to-two-year moratorium on all childbirth until the economy recovers, replacing the emotional need for children with cryptocurrency ownership, and connecting it to Elon Musk buying Twitter.
6moments
- Tim proposes a national birth moratorium until inflation comes down and food prices stabilize.
- The grocery inflation article lists junk food items like Entenmann's donuts and Hungry Man dinners alongside basic staples, which Tim finds absurdly disgusting.
- Frosted donuts are presented as grocery necessities in an inflation piece, exposing what Americans actually buy.
- Hungry Man boneless fried chicken dinner is up 11%, leading Tim to ask what gas station attendant this article is targeting.
- The list includes 24 cans of soda as a necessary family purchase, which Tim sarcastically notes as an obvious household requirement.
- A grocery trip for a family in the current economy is portrayed as financial chaos through the cumulative price increases.
- 2 min
Tim reads off a list of grocery items and their inflation percentage increases (donuts, eggs, milk, chicken, etc.), then transitions into a sponsor read for Masterworks, a platform for buying shares of fine art.
4moments
- Tim claims billionaires have inside information that shields them from inflation while ordinary people suffer.
- Tim pitches fine art as the solution, acknowledging most people lack $100 million to buy directly.
- Masterworks allows fractional ownership of fine art pieces that appreciate faster than the S&P 500 over 25 years.
- Art's average historical appreciation of 36% significantly outpaces inflation at 3% and stock market returns.
Masterworksfine art
- 2 min
Tim reads a sponsor segment for Keeps, a hair loss treatment delivery service using generic FDA-approved medications, including a riff about 'keeping your hair on your head.'
6moments
- The best way to stop being bald is to keep the hair you already have on your head.
- Two out of three men will experience some form of hair loss by age 35.
- Keeps provides generic versions of the two FDA-approved hair loss treatments at a lower cost.
- Tim promotes the Keeps discount code and first month free offer.
- Tim riffs on keeping your hair on your head with increasingly emphatic repetition and vocal inflection.
- People they know actually use Keeps and it really works.
- 10 min
The Rice, Ragu, and American Cheese Survival Meal
#Tim details a budget recipe of white rice, Ragu tomato sauce, and American cheese as a way to feed a family for a week during inflation, calculating exact costs with Ben and defending it against accusations that it's like dog food.
10moments
- Tim showcases a 50-pound bag of rice for $30 as the foundation of a week-long family meal.
- Ragu tomato sauce in an 8.5-pound jar costs $11.39, adding to the rice as a second ingredient.
- Tim's aunt actually made this rice, sauce, and cheese dish for her children, and he's serious about recommending it.
- American cheese block at $16 for two pounds completes the three-ingredient meal under $60 total.
- The cooking method: boil rice, mix in ragu tomato sauce with vegetables, melt American cheese through it, and feed the family.
- When pushback comes that it sounds like dog food, Tim insists people need to live and defends the meal's legitimacy.
- The total cost breaks down to $11.47 per person per day to feed an entire family for the week.
- Tim applies the same rice, sauce, and cheese formula to school lunches, packed in Tupperware for kids to bring to school.
- Tim clarifies the dish has a real history: his aunt made it, and one of her children who ate it became a successful mover.
- Tim defends instant mashed potatoes, frozen chicken, and processed foods as legitimate American staples with no shame attached.
- 3 min
Powdered Mashed Potatoes and Divorced Dad Meals
#Tim and Ben swap childhood memories of cheap, sad meals like instant mashed potatoes and burnt London broil on a bagel, riffing on what poor and divorced families actually eat in America.
5moments
- Tim describes a survival strategy: looking sad at Red Lobster to ask for leftover oyster crackers, possibly for money.
- Send your cute kids into Applebee's at the end of a shift and have them cry to get free food—that's American ingenuity.
- The optimal timing: send your children to Olive Garden five minutes before close, asking for leftover food with maximum desperation.
- When the going gets tough, the tough send their children to beg for food at restaurants—that's what America was built on.
- After collecting leftovers from the Cheesecake Factory, go home and watch Selling Sunset while your kids eat the mashed potatoes they earned by crying.
Olive GardenApplebee'sCheesecake FactoryRed LobsterSelling Sunset
- 5 min
Sending Your Kids to Beg for Food at Chain Restaurants
#Tim closes with an extended bit encouraging listeners to send their children to cry and beg for leftover food at places like Olive Garden, Applebee's, and Sonic as a solution to the food shortage, tying it back to American ingenuity before teasing next week's budget vacation special.
6moments
- Tim believes America will get through economic difficulty by having children beg for food at chain restaurants.
- Sending kids to cry at Sonic or Steak and Shake to ask for free meals because the family has no money.
- Children going into Krispy Kreme asking for handouts might get an entire dozen donuts.
- Tim notes that despite food seeming plentiful, many families struggle to feed themselves.
- Before donating to food charities, Tim wants to tell struggling people to try sending cute kids into restaurants first.
- Warning not to send Taki into Chili's because they'll call the cops.