Episode 234 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#234 - Stop Ratting | The Tim Dillon Show
Jan 10, 2021 · 1:26:51 · 566,000 views · 26 segments, 176 moments indexed
Tim returns from Vegas this week to discuss the Capitol Hill siege, why lesbians are incredible at their job, what comedians should do now if they can't scratch together a couple nickels, and closes out the show performing a new Billie…
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- 2 min
Cold Open: Why He Won't Rat on the Capitol Rioters
#Tim opens by discussing the Capitol riot, arguing he's against snitching on the idiots who stormed the building even though some committed real crimes, and predicting the Q-anon crowd would react badly once reality set in.
4moments
- Tim describes the Capitol riot as a "little skirmish" and addresses the phenomenon of people ratting out the rioters.
- He predicted QAnon believers wouldn't handle sobering up well when they realized nothing was going to work out as promised.
- Imagine thinking you were saving children, then finding out you're wrong and the people you trusted sold you down the river.
- Tim frames the Capitol riot as a tough pill for those believers to swallow, but argues you don't need to rat everyone out.
- 4 min
Cops Are Heroes Now? The Schizophrenic Politics of 2021
#He riffs on the sudden reversal where police are hailed as heroes, argues rioters and extremists on both sides suffer from mental illness rather than coherent politics, and imagines the low-level jobs (call centers, tattoo parlors) these rioters actually hold.
7moments
- Tim says people don't need to play citizen detective about Capitol rioters — let the cops handle it.
- The politics are schizophrenic: Capitol Police are heroes, but the same cops were villains during BLM protests.
- Now protesting is bad and should bar people from employment forever, though these aren't high-level executives.
- Poor people get sucked into QAnon cults because they can't afford any other kind of cult.
- Tim argues the Capitol rioters should be allowed to go back to their call center jobs if not charged with crimes.
- Nobody with a genuinely good life shows up to Congress with a helmet on — these people have mental problems.
- Both hardcore BLM protesters and Capitol rioters have antisocial personality disorders that should be studied, not retweeted.
- 4 min
The Movie Clifford and the Q-Anon Letdown
#Using the movie Clifford as an extended metaphor, Tim describes Q-anon followers' shattered fantasy of personally arresting the Obamas and Chrissy Teigen, and how information overload combined with manipulation by figures like Steve Bannon melted their brains.
6moments
- Compares Q-Anon followers to Clifford the Big Red Dog wanting to visit Dinosaur World—they believed they'd arrest Obama, Chrissy Teigen, and Ellen DeGeneres.
- Q-Anon was a larping troll game that unsophisticated people fell for because real monsters and conspiracies exist, causing their brains to melt from information overload.
- Steve Bannon and others manipulated these people, not caring about them, just wanting their votes and to control their beliefs.
- The Q-Anon shaman from the Capitol riot distinguished between different levels—pedophiles versus other categories.
- You can't arrest or shame every Nazi; you'll inevitably deal with some unknowingly—like getting a tattoo or ice cream from someone with extreme views.
- Tim orders ice cream from a militant communist and doesn't care about her ideology, just wants his rocky road and moves on.
Barack ObamaMichelle ObamaSteve BannonChrissy TeigenEllen DeGeneresQAnon
- 4 min
Dealing With Nazis at the Tattoo Parlor and Ice Cream Shop
#Tim argues you can't shame or arrest every extremist and describes his own comic bit about accepting service from militant leftists and unknowing Nazis in everyday transactions like ice cream and tattoos.
7moments
- Tim argues that merely believing something unpopular shouldn't result in arrest — the bar should be destructive action, not ideology.
- Nazis and extremists he encounters are usually people struggling financially, living off inheritance or stipends, not thriving.
- Tim describes his personal trainer's obsession with his diet while the trainer hasn't even investigated QAnon claims about underground tunnels.
- He refuses to care what his dental hygienist believes — as long as she's sober while cleaning his teeth, her views are irrelevant.
- Tim dismisses calls to boycott a tattoo artist over ideology, then pivots to a broader point that tattoos are stupid anyway.
- He describes dealing with communist activists in ice cream parlors and coffee shops; if they make good espresso or scones, he works with it.
- The solution is to coexist with people you disagree with by ordering a scone and asking for honey — just navigate the situation professionally.
- 4 min
Vegas Trip: Grateful Valets and a Desperate City
#Tim recounts a two-day Vegas trip during COVID, describing how desperate and grateful the service industry has become, a lesbian valet who took her job seriously, and dinners at Carbone and a sushi restaurant.
9moments
- Tim describes Vegas as brought to its knees, with valets now thanking customers for parking their cars.
- Everyone in Vegas right now feels like a high roller, regardless of what they're spending.
- The buffets are closed, which Tim doesn't love because it's part of the Vegas experience.
- Tim notes they had a lesbian running the valet, praising lesbians as business-minded and respectful of their jobs.
- Tim explains why gay men don't do valet work as well as lesbians, using himself as an example of someone who would complain the job is dumb.
- Vegas is depressing and apocalyptic, but in a calm, relaxed way—unlike DC, which has the real apocalypse.
- The new gangster move is wearing a mask under your nose, with old people in Vegas completely unbothered.
- Tim had dinner at Carbone and Menumi sushi restaurant, sitting at an outdoor pagoda table.
- Tim reflects that it was nice to be out having dinner, as LA shut down and it's been hard for him.
- 3 min
LA Shutdown, Comedy Material Drought, and Vegas Reopening Rules
#He explains how LA's total shutdown has made it hard to find comedic material, contrasts it with Vegas's gradual reopening and new capacity restrictions, and reflects on cities he loves but couldn't live in (Vegas, New Orleans, New York).
10moments
- Tim struggles to get material in a completely shut-down LA where there's nothing to observe.
- Living in a city with no restaurants, no venues, and nowhere to go makes it impossible for comedians to work.
- Vegas trip with Ty Rivera provided relief and a chance to film content.
- Comedy clubs in Las Vegas reopening but only at 40-seat capacity, not enough to make money.
- Vegas has been brought to its knees with rough homelessness, though not as bad as LA.
- New restrictions as of November 29, 2020: casinos limited to minimal capacity, restaurants require reservations with maximum four diners per table, gatherings capped at 50 people.
- Most casinos only opening Thursday through Monday because it doesn't make financial sense to operate weekdays.
- Tim likes Vegas for short 48-hour trips but couldn't live there permanently.
- Same feeling about New Orleans—loves visiting but couldn't sustain living there long-term.
- Tim's relationship with New York has shifted to the point where he couldn't live there anymore either.
- 1 min
Tim reads a sponsored ad for Raycon wireless earbuds, touting battery life, price, and a discount code for listeners.
4moments
- Tim compares Raycon earbuds to Apple products, claiming they're cheaper and better.
- He pitches the earbuds as a way to support the show while highlighting their water and sweat resistance.
- Raycon is offering 15% off all products for Tim's listeners at buyraycon.com/tim.
- Tim recommends the earbuds as a thoughtful gift option for birthdays or belated Christmas presents.
- 1 min
A straightforward sponsor read for BetterHelp online therapy, describing how the service works and offering a discount code.
- 6 min
Tim analyzes the Capitol riot as closer to amateur theater than a coup, discusses Jake Angeli's background and the irony of Q followers turning on him as 'antifa,' and mocks the media's dueling narratives about which riots are acceptable.
9moments
- Tim describes the Capitol riot as closer to a high school theater group than a coup or revolution.
- He acknowledges the rioters broke laws and will go to jail, regardless of their stated motivations.
- Tim criticizes Americans sitting behind screens picking which riots they prefer, using a sommelier analogy about apocalypse flavors.
- Jake Angeli, the Q-Anon Shaman, turned on by his own movement, which falsely claimed he was Antifa infiltrating the mob.
- Tim notes the people in these movements aren't stable and will turn on anyone, suggesting their beliefs aren't logically coherent.
- Mental illness, both diagnosed and undiagnosed, underpins the majority of these movements, according to Tim.
- Tim knows 30 to 50 comics who are five minutes away from this behavior if they don't get a special.
- People claiming COVID is a global reset propaganda hoax, which Tim mocks as absurd given nothing has actually reset.
- Jake Angeli's video becomes too annoying to keep watching, and Tim shuts it down.
- 5 min
People Who Go Off the Rails for Attention
#Tim generalizes about people (not just Whitney) who spiral into extreme public behavior because it's the only way they get attention, and predicts real jail time for the Q-anon shaman.
6moments
- People who go radical in their belief systems are united by one thing: they started getting attention from it, and it became the only way they got any attention at all.
- Yelling in a parking lot with Viking horns on isn't going to work; the Q movement's storming of the Capitol was a rough and embarrassing end for them.
- Black Lives Matter protests versus the riots that happened during them—what did people think would happen when they gathered to harass police?
- Tim saw burning businesses, burning cop cars, and looting with his own eyes, and people got angry at him for literally saying what he witnessed.
- The people involved in these movements were knuckleheads and dorks who believed in a fairy tale—some were elderly folks with dementia wandering around the Capitol.
- A woman at the Capitol, casually maced, nonchalantly explains her presence: 'It's a revolution—what do you think I'm doing here?'
Q movementBlack Lives MatterJake Angeli
- 4 min
The Maced Woman: 'It's a Revolution, Dummy'
#Tim plays and reacts to viral clips of Capitol rioters, including an older woman maced while insisting it was a revolution, and riffs that if these people had decent jobs they wouldn't be doing this.
9moments
- Woman gets maced at Capitol while her boyfriend remains unbothered in the car ride home.
- Tim reads the boyfriend's complaint: 'you got a little excited' during the riot.
- Tim suggests if Elizabeth could get a small business loan as a caterer, she wouldn't be storming the Capitol.
- Elizabeth explains from Knoxville, Tennessee: 'We're storming the capital, it's a revolution.'
- Tim argues Americans need entertainment venues open—closing Dave and Busters leads directly to Capitol riots.
- The inevitable endpoint: a guy in horns standing in the middle of the Capitol.
- The country is built only to work constantly; without work, people riot.
- Elizabeth looks like a substitute teacher getting maced while running into the Capitol building.
- Trump wanted to demonstrate he could cause a ruckus and prove his presidency wouldn't end quietly.
- 3 min
Jake Angeli Sketch Playback and Costume Shop Shoutout
#They play a comedic sketch/interview bit voicing the Q-anon shaman as a wannabe branding influencer, then shout out the Vegas costume shop (Star Costume and Theatrical Supply) that supplied the horns outfit.
9moments
- Jake Angeli character claims he's an actor and voice actor, insisting yesterday was just vocal exercises.
- The character argues the industry doesn't want white males unless they're literally storming the Capitol.
- Tim plays a character describing a market gap for 'reactionary psychopath that's also very musical.'
- Character reframes Capitol riot as 'an exercise in branding' and notes Capitol police were nice to them.
- The character laments there's no space for men to share their feelings in the country.
- Character admits he likes the show Shrill on Hulu because it features a confident powerful woman.
- Tim breaks character to explain Ben Avery got the costume from a fabric shop, shouts out Joanne Fabric.
- Tim corrects himself again and praises Star Costume and Theatrical Supply in Vegas as better than anything in L.A.
- Tim instructs listeners to ask for a discount at Star Costume if they mention his name, doubts they'll actually get one.
ShrillStar Costume and Theatrical SupplyQuincy JonesJoanne's Fabric
- 3 min
Sebastian Maniscalco Nazi Bit and the Steak Sauce Plan
#Tim performs an exaggerated bit voicing comedian Sebastian Maniscalco making shocking claims about his father's Nazi past, then pivots to announcing plans to develop and launch his own steak sauce.
9moments
- Tim proposes bullying companies into paying for on-air mentions without approval.
- Sebastian's valet bit: complains about a Black valet and jokes about his car being stolen.
- Tim interrupts to point out Sebastian is reading a children's book while saying racist things.
- Sebastian launches into a bit about a TJ Maxx employee who looks Asian or Native American and mimes not knowing how to interact with them.
- Tim explains the Sebastian character: a brilliant comedian brought in to read children's books who derails into offensive tangents.
- Sebastian's father was in the American Nazi party and explained their beliefs to him, which Tim finds 'pretty accurate.'
- Tim clarifies this is a joke and he's never actually met Sebastian, though he respects him and has heard he's said nice things about him.
- Tim admits the Sebastian voice is so entertaining he can't stop doing it, though he expects lawyers will eventually shut it down.
- Tim pivots to discussing a steak sauce they're developing and attempting to steal a recipe from a restaurant.
Sebastian ManiscalcoTJ Maxx
- 8 min
Bitter Failed Comedians Blaming Podcasters
#A long rant against failed woke comedians who blame Rogan, Tim, and other podcasters for their lack of success instead of admitting they're untalented, comparing their grievance cycle to Q-anon believers realizing they were duped.
10moments
- Tim pitches making a steak sauce inspired by restaurant versions and connecting it to free speech.
- Comparing failed comedians to QAnon believers who blame others when their beliefs don't pay off.
- Failed comedians claim moral superiority by refusing to speak to podcasters, yet still have nothing to show for it.
- Tim says failed comedians would gladly sit next to Alex Jones if anyone asked them.
- You didn't need to be funny to get a writing job at late-night shows—just show up and claim minority heritage.
- Failed comedians tweet that podcasting is right-wing fascism while complaining they can't get writing jobs.
- The self-flagellation and capitulation to those trying to destroy you hasn't worked.
- These elderly comedians with network TV credits should give up and go to a farm.
- Women comedians should own four houses by now; minorities should have sets on late-night shows.
- Funny white guys ignored by the business who can't scrape together Patreon money are living in a gold rush of opportunity.
- 4 min
The Golden Age of Sucking at Comedy
#Tim argues it's never been easier to make money in comedy if you're willing to do something, name-checks Shane Gillis, Nick Mulaney, Ryan Long, and Andrew Schulz as people actually doing it, and says late-night hosts like Colbert and Kimmel destroyed their comedic legacies by going political.
8moments
- Tim recalls arriving in LA and people assuming he was part of the Joe Rogan MMA crowd, though he's never actually discussed fighting with Rogan.
- Nick Mullen's observation: comedians claim they're too funny and too good at their job to make money.
- Tim describes the current era as the golden age of sucking at comedy—anyone can make money just by showing up and praising Kamala Harris.
- Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel have destroyed their legacies and will never be funny again because they became political mouthpieces.
- Late-night shows could only recover if they hired Nick Mullen, Shane Gillis, Tim himself, and Candace Owens.
- Tim suggests bringing in left-wing comedians like Red Scare hosts if they want any chance of making funny television.
- The pandemic killed the old late-night formula but opened space for other people to create content instead of just complaining.
- Tim has more respect for people who did something, even storming the Capitol, than comedians who just sit around whining.
Jimmy KimmelStephen ColbertNick MullenShane GillisAndrew SchulzCandace OwensJoe RoganJake Paul+2 more
- 1 min
Bodega Attitude and Not Ratting on Anyone
#Tim briefly returns to his 'don't rat' theme, mentioning tough treatment from Koreans at a bodega and reaffirming he doesn't get involved in others' business.
3moments
- Tim gets real attitude from Korean bodega workers despite not being Black, imagining they treat Black customers even worse.
- He refuses to rat people out or get involved in social conflicts, advises cutting your entire friend group loose instead.
- Vegas is where to go—restaurants, casinos, and hotels are all happy to have you, and you can lose money at blackjack then eat bad chocolate cake upstairs.
- 2 min
Old, Bitter Comedians and the Steak Sauce Business Plan Revisited
#He continues mocking aging bitter comedians complaining about being replaced by 'Nazis,' then returns to detailing the steak sauce venture and a dark fantasy about killing himself at his future restaurant's opening night.
5moments
- Tim on old comedians in their 40s and 50s complaining—it's not cute anymore.
- Aging comics tell their hypothetical kids they were on a great path until nazis took over comedy, but mainstream comedy is full of the same beliefs they held.
- Tim mimics the excuse: dealing with mental health, anxiety, depression, multiple personalities—and none of them were funny.
- Tim pivots to developing a steak sauce and wanting to open a restaurant within five to ten years.
- Tim describes his plan: blow his brains out on opening night in front of everyone, Bud Dwyer-style, once the restaurant is successful.
- 1 min
A sponsor read for BlueChew, an online erectile dysfunction medication service, covering pricing, discretion, and delivery.
4moments
- BlueChew helps your pp get hard, uses FDA-approved ingredients like Viagra and Cialis
- Tim spells out the website and notes it only costs five dollars shipping
- Partner is going to love it, same active ingredients as expensive pharmacy options
- It arrives discretely at your house, you just open the box and it's nice
- 2 min
A sponsor read for Bespoke Post's subscription box service, describing how the quiz-based boxes work and offering a discount code.
4moments
- Tim says Bespoke Post sent him a box he didn't expect to be cool but it genuinely is.
- Each monthly box costs about $45 but contains $70 worth of gear inside.
- Tim loves getting things in the mail and being surprised by cool stuff he'll actually use.
- Bespoke Post represents a new way of buying where you tell them broadly what you like and they deliver things you'll dig enough to keep reordering.
- 3 min
Don't Rat: Consequences for the Capitol Rioters
#Tim closes the 'don't rat' thread by predicting harsh real-world consequences (jail, ruined careers) for Capitol rioters and arguing that punishing them further into desperation helps no one.
7moments
- Tim advises Capitol rioters not to rat each other out, warning they'll lose part of their soul.
- The criminal justice system isn't rehabilitative, so rioters will come out worse and unable to find jobs afterward.
- Tim mocks the idea of firing all the rioters, asking what happens when you force desperate people into even worse situations.
- Comics are much worse than Capitol rioters but don't have the balls to actually storm anything.
- Tim reflects on how the whole Capitol situation unraveled and came apart over time.
- Maybe now people will chill out and accept that prolonged insanity is worse than occasional spurts of crazy.
- Tim's final plea: go back to something boring for a bit, then turn up the crazy again for fun.
- 2 min
Refusing to Narc on the Ice Cream Shop Antifa Dykes
#Tim extends his 'don't be a narc' bit into an absurd fantasy of going undercover at a Portland ice cream shop run by antifa lesbians, then transitions into announcing upcoming tour dates in Baltimore, Providence, and Pennsylvania.
6moments
- Tim refuses to narc on fellow citizens, no matter how misguided.
- He would never inform on antifa super soldiers or the dykes who own Portland ice cream shops.
- His strategy: walk in, stare silently at employees with genderless one-syllable names like "Star" with three r's and a Chinese symbol.
- Tim mentions fascism is out of control while ordering ice cream—the shop workers seem to know he's undercover.
- He gets his order, eats it, and moves on without caring about what the employees are doing otherwise.
- Tim says it's fun being out in Vegas and hopes things calm down soon.
Comedy ConnectionMcGooby'santifa super soldiersPortland
- 3 min
Whitney's Dog Attack Mystery and Steak Sauce Gamble
#Tim recounts Whitney's bizarre injury (allegedly attacked by a DEA-vested dog in a pharmacy), jokes about the show being written by Ben, and revisits the steak sauce as either a triumph or a way to make people sick.
6moments
- Tim is doing Logan Paul's podcast again with Whitney.
- A dog attacked Whitney in a pharmacy while wearing a DEA vest.
- Ben writes the whole show; Tim is just the puppet delivering the script.
- Tim wants to be on Lily Singh's show and mocks the state of comedy compared to Instagram stars.
- They're developing a steak sauce that might take a year to launch and will either be the best on the market or make people sick.
- The sauce project reflects the narrative of the show and America—it'll either work out really well or you'll get sick.
Logan PaulLily SinghBen AveryWhitney Cummings
- 4 min
Tim and Ben work out and confirm details for the upcoming Paramount Theatre Austin shows around Tim's birthday, and mention a PO box coming next week for listener mail.
9moments
- Tim predicts the country is ending exactly how it's supposed to, describing the horror as inevitable.
- Nuclear codes being taken from Trump, capitol rioters with horns, maced soccer moms—all part of what should happen.
- Vegas emptied out with people just pulling slots in masks, smoking, ash everywhere—the economy's end.
- Tim thinks things might hit a wall and turn around toward brightness and beauty in spring and summer.
- The show's job: no matter how happy things get, they'll always find the horror and deliver it to the audience.
- This won't become like Jimmy Kimmel or Stephen Colbert, hosts who seem medicated and detached.
- Tim asks Chris Pratt to put him in a movie, suggesting they should throw something to the wolves for fun.
- He considers DMing Ryan Reynolds to ask point-blank if he's going to produce their film.
- Celebrities listen to the show because they can't say anything in their own world but enjoy hearing this message here.
Jimmy KimmelStephen ColbertChris PrattTom Hanks
- 7 min
The Ben Avery Show Parody and Getting Beaten as a Kid
#Tim and Ben riff on a fake spinoff podcast, joke about childhood beatings with a belt buckle building character, and segue into mocking Billy Eilish's documentary as manufactured trauma.
11moments
- Tim claims broadcast quality has declined precipitously and that after nine hours on air he'd suck as much as everyone else.
- Tim and Brendan Schaub are the greatest comedy team in history according to widely held belief he keeps hearing.
- Tim promoting shows at Paramount Theater in Austin on January 21st-23rd, turning 19 years old on his birthday January 22nd.
- Tim won't do a podcast crossover unless the co-host has a big following like Little Huddy.
- Ben Avery pitches a parody show called The Ben Avery Show where he'd host and Tim would produce.
- Ben proposes The Ben Avery Show as a weekly recap of The Tim Dillon Show three days later.
- Tim gets hit with a belt and buckle by his dad, paddle and belt with a buckle on the butt.
- Tim argues people need constant fear and beatings to be at their best, citing Tina Turner and Michael Jackson as examples.
- Billie Eilish had a lovely childhood which is why everything she does sucks.
- Tim criticizes Billie Eilish for suburban goth horror theatrics when she grew up comfortable, unlike people who actually suffered.
- Stop acting like you've been through trauma when you just got sad one day, addressed to Billie Eilish.
Brendan SchaubBillie EilishMoon Tower ComedyParamount Theater
- 4 min
Freestyling a Fake Billy Eilish Song
#Tim improvises a mock Billy Eilish song over a royalty-free instrumental, mocking her dark, angsty lyrical style before closing out the show.
10moments
- Tim critiques Billie Eilish documentaries for portraying her as darker and more complex than she actually is.
- He questions why documentaries insist audiences will never understand her experience.
- Tim references Barbra Streisand telling Howard Stern she didn't feel vulnerable when she was hungry.
- He jokes about wanting Billie Eilish documentaries to focus on his Instagram joke about her instead.
- Tim announces he can easily write a Billie Eilish song and finds a royalty-free instrumental.
- He freestyles a parody Billie Eilish song featuring surreal dark imagery: nightmares about breath, bats, blood, lost lunchboxes.
- The fake song continues with mundane complaints: working at a cell phone store, sadness, vegan food.
- He escalates the parody with absurdist lines about his brother showing genitalia and an agent saying Satan is everyone's friend.
- Tim notes he's getting deeper into the bit and then jokes that Billie Eilish is actually a Black guy.
- He concludes with a mock-serious delivery of Billie Eilish's typical pain-filled lyrics as a punchline.
- 1 min
After the recording ends, Tim returns briefly to react to breaking news that Twitter banned Trump, saying the ban seems excessive but that Trump may have wanted this outcome all along.
4moments
- Trump was banned from Twitter due to increased incitement of violence.
- Trump's going on Parler instead.
- Tim thinks the ban is a bit much, but suspects Trump wanted it to happen this way.
- This is what Trump wanted—the ban is his wish coming true.