Episode 192 · The Ben Avery Era
#192 - Coronavirus The Musical | The Tim Dillon Show
Mar 22, 2020 · 1:14:14 · 162,000 views · 21 segments, 141 moments indexed
Tim predicts all there is to come and offers a fresh perspective on the end of the world.
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- 3 min
Martial Law Soft Launch and the Government's Grab for Power
#Tim opens by warning that phrases like "martial law" are being tested on the public in stages, drawing a comparison to how governments never emerge from a crisis with less power, and connecting it to Rahm Emanuel's "never let a crisis go to waste" line.
7moments
- Tim expresses concern about hearing the term 'martial law' repeated constantly across media and government officials.
- He argues this repetition feels like a 'soft launch' for martial law—introducing the concept gradually to gauge public reaction.
- The government introduces citizens to restrictions incrementally: shelter in place, shutdowns, then eventually deploying tanks to stop gatherings in parks.
- Tim criticizes conspiracy theorists who deny the virus exists or claim it's a cover for arresting celebrities.
- When governments face massive new crises like 9/11, both government and private sector actors exploit the opportunity.
- Rahm Emanuel's principle—'never let a crisis go to waste'—captures how authorities attempt to strip away remaining rights during emergencies.
- No government in history has emerged from a crisis with less power than it had before.
- 3 min
Totaling the Economy and Failed Testing
#He compares the economic shutdown to a shady mechanic totaling a car, discusses looming 20% unemployment, and details how testing has failed with reports that only healthcare workers can get tested.
4moments
- Tim argues the government will start paying people to stay home, which he supports, but warns it creates total dependence on government.
- Comparing shutting down the economy to a dishonest mechanic totaling a car for minor repairs — we're totaling the world economy right now.
- Unemployment could reach 20% and containment has failed, with reports now advising people not to get tested unless critically sick.
- Testing shortage means the entire containment model — based on identifying who has the virus — has collapsed before it could work.
- 3 min
Chloroquine, Trump's Failure, and Taiwan's Success
#Tim discusses chloroquine and erythromycin as potential treatments and their dangerous side effects, then rips into Trump's failure to prepare compared to Taiwan's efficient, high-tech pandemic response.
6moments
- Chloroquine was used to fight malaria but has severe side effects including blindness and sudden death if you take an extra dose.
- Trump's failure to order tests and supplies in January and February when warned by the intelligence community is a fireable offense.
- Other countries handled the pandemic correctly while the U.S. did not, proving it was a matter of competence not circumstance.
- Taiwan had only 24 million people, one death, and 85 cases because they'd been through SARS and immediately ordered masks and supplies.
- Taiwan's high-tech health service texted people their test results and quarantine status so they knew exactly where they stood.
- No matter how much you love Trump or think he's essential, his pandemic response was objectively worse than countries that prepared properly.
- 3 min
How the Elites Actually See You
#He rants that politicians and the wealthy view ordinary people like rats scurrying across a street, indifferent to their survival, and pivots to criticizing Bernie Sanders for treating Biden like a statesman instead of attacking him.
6moments
- The elites would want nothing to do with your marinara sauce-covered family.
- Tim's view: elites see ordinary people like rats scurrying across a street—indifferent whether you make it or get hit by a car.
- We need to grow up and stop deluding ourselves that elected leaders actually care about us.
- Most politicians are after their own power, not looking out for you, even the ones you like.
- Trump destroyed the Republican party and the Bush dynasty just by being rude, while Bernie Sanders wouldn't do the same to Biden because they're friends.
- Trump got where he is by saying shocking things, but establishment figures won't employ that same tactic against their peers.
Bernie SandersDonald TrumpAlexandria Ocasio-CortezJeb BushJoe BidenObamasTrumpsHillary Clinton
- 4 min
Trump the Huckster vs. a Party of Born Losers
#Tim argues Trump is a huckster who destroyed the Bush dynasty through sheer rudeness, contrasts this with the left's inability to win, and criticizes senators who allegedly used insider information to dump stocks before the crash.
7moments
- The left is so allergic to winning they are born losers, incapable of winning.
- Trump may still win the next election despite having the worst presidential record ever, showing how pathetic the opposition is.
- Trump is a huckster peddling his wares, but voters think of him as their huckster ripping off everybody on their behalf.
- People can't leave their houses because Trump didn't order tests and masks, unwilling to spook the stock market by discussing the pandemic.
- Cities like Philadelphia are refusing to prosecute petty crimes including burglary, auto theft, and property crime.
- Destruction of the American economy combined with 20% unemployment will inevitably spike crime across cities.
- Cities unable to handle the crime spike will throw their hands up and demand the federal government roll in tanks.
- 4 min
Martial Law, Crime Waves, and the Rich Fleeing to the Hamptons
#He predicts spiking crime and cities unable to cope will lead to martial law, and describes wealthy insiders fleeing to the Hamptons and Martha's Vineyard after being tipped off early about the pandemic.
10moments
- Tim on martial law: states can't handle crime explosions in high-crime areas, and the country won't look or function the same afterward.
- The wealthy are already fleeing to the Hamptons and Martha's Vineyard behind gates, suggesting they knew something was coming.
- Tim describes a near-billionaire in New York who was told in February to reduce market positions and possibly avoid paying rent on commercial properties.
- Senators claiming they didn't sell stocks based on inside information are lying and should be held accountable for profiting off deaths of countrymen.
- Republicans initially called for one senator to resign, but when they discovered all four Republican senators did the same thing, they backed off to avoid losing Senate control.
- Thinking in partisan terms—left versus right, Republican versus Democrat—is wrong and a distraction; both sides will abandon you to poverty.
- People with money and power right now will get richer and more powerful while leaving ordinary people and their families to starve.
- Tim ridicules the idea that politicians need to call citizens to tell them they don't care, asking what more proof people need of their abandonment.
- Press conferences with government health officials accomplish nothing for people's wellbeing.
- Tim dismisses a small government official, saying there's no time for short people right now.
US Senate insider tradingAnthony FauciMartha's VineyardThe Hamptons
- 3 min
Tiny Dr. Fauci and the Coronavirus Press Conferences
#Tim mocks the White House coronavirus briefings, joking that Fauci is too short to inspire confidence and riffing on Pence and Pompeo's awkward presence at the podium.
6moments
- Tim criticizes Dr. Fauci's appearance as too small and unimpressive to lead the country through a pandemic crisis.
- The White House coronavirus press conference features a woman in a nightgown who looks medicated, confusing and alarming to the public.
- Trump stands with stone-faced Pence in back, then Pompeo—a former CIA director uncomfortable being pulled into pandemic briefings instead of blackmail operations.
- Tim predicts cities will descend into Mad Max situations with shortages, crime increases, and likely martial law if conditions continue.
- Goldman Sachs and finance insiders are being told to expect an 18-month pandemic with waves of illness and cyclical work shutdowns.
- When people return to work after shutdowns, Tim doubts it will feel like boom times—people will remain anxious about risk and spending.
- 5 min
The Show Must Go On (Literally, This Show)
#He predicts widespread death, emotional scarring, and people retreating into cults and conspiracy, then pivots into arguing that his show/Patreon is essentially a public service, joking darkly about celebrities and annoying people dying.
9moments
- Tim predicts widespread death from disease will be emotionally scarring for the nation and drive people toward conspiracy theories, cults, and religion as coping mechanisms.
- The Tim Dillon Show and its Patreon are necessary anchors for chaos—more essential than anything else when people confront catastrophe.
- Tim warns his audience about charlatans and bad actors in the digital space waiting to exploit fear.
- Good things will come: celebrities and politicians will die, which Tim frames as the bright spot in the chaos ahead.
- Real Housewives cast members will die too, and their deaths will provide small victories and moments to celebrate.
- Tim suggests keeping a picture wall of people you hope die, checking them off and having a drink when they do.
- The powers that be will not help—they'll flee to the hills with their money and families while communities and local leaders matter.
- Unsuccessful comedians should get off Instagram Live, especially those who failed at actual comedy when they had a real stage and audience.
- Comedy is not essential, though funny is—the distinction between entertainment and actual necessity.
- 4 min
Comedians, Get Off Instagram Live
#Tim tells unsuccessful comedians to stop performing stand-up on Instagram Live, mocking the desperation of people trying to become influencers and comparing the entertainment industry's collapse to Logan Paul's YouTube fame.
8moments
- The entertainment business is about to be gutted; relationships, how you attract followers, and how you make money will all change.
- For independent creators, the only way out is being self-sufficient—you cannot rely on anybody anymore.
- Tim dismisses the idea that comedians will get sitcom pilots or tours; everything is sand through the hourglass.
- Going on Instagram Live with a half-decent comedian performing to an empty room is what psychopaths want.
- Tim describes the fantasy: get noticed on Instagram Live, then what—they lead you with a mask through Paramount's gates?
- Checkout is at 11:00 a.m., no late checkout; the vacation has ended and your meaningless life is no longer public consumption.
- Most of what comedians are doing on these platforms has not been good; Tim feels for the people trying to replicate Logan Paul's success.
- Comedians thought they were slick copying YouTubers, and now they're all trying to be YouTubers themselves.
- 5 min
Death Toll Totals and the Coronavirus Musical
#He runs through the current case and death totals worldwide and in the US, jokes about an old-school radio DJ reading pandemic numbers, and imagines a Broadway musical called Coronavirus the Musical modeled on Rent.
8moments
- The government and media are hiding worse information to avoid panic and chaos.
- Mike Pence claimed most Americans don't need to worry about contracting coronavirus with no statistical backing.
- Italy's death toll hit 4,825, rising from 793 the previous day.
- We're barely at the start of the pandemic—just through the previews of what's coming.
- Worldwide death toll sits at 301,627; United States deaths approach 13,000.
- Tim imagines an old-time rock DJ announcing coronavirus death tolls like vintage radio news.
- America has roughly 23,000 deaths and 22,813 confirmed cases so far.
- Imagining a Broadway musical about coronavirus opening in 2023, structured like the play Rent.
- 3 min
Doctors, Nurses, and Teachers Are Annoying
#Tim jokes that having to treat doctors and nurses with reverence is one of the worst parts of the pandemic, comparing them unfavorably to teachers and wishing society instead had to glorify some other profession.
5moments
- Doctors and nurses are almost as annoying as teachers; Tim wishes we had to glorify a different group instead.
- Doctors are pompous and many nurses think they're doctors, though Tim acknowledges not all of them are that way.
- Tim would rather exalt people who work at clam bars or cops instead of the medical field.
- People keep telling him he's living through historic times like it's a good thing, but so was the Holocaust.
- Tim is itching to do live stand-up comedy again but says it won't happen for a while and nobody knows what it'll look like.
doctors and nursesteachersBillie Eilish
- 3 min
Billy Eilish, The Voice, and State TV Fallon
#He riffs on Billy Eilish being compared to Whitney Houston on The Voice, then rants that late-night hosts like Jimmy Fallon and Ellen broadcasting from home is basically state television during a collapsing society.
8moments
- Putting Billie Eilish and Whitney Houston in the same sentence reveals how much a decaying society deserves a plague.
- Whitney Houston did exactly what a musician should do: entertain people and die in the tub without overstaying her welcome.
- Jimmy Fallon's doing the Tonight Show from his house while Whoopi Goldberg skypes in interviews.
- Tim questions whether we'll still be watching Jimmy Fallon if we're living under martial law.
- Late-night hosts are functioning as coordinated state TV, no different from a dictatorship's propaganda machine.
- Tim imagines tanks rolling down the street while Ellen dances in her living room on Instagram.
- There should be martial law on Instagram requiring military approval before anyone can post.
- Red rooms are supposedly torture chambers where people comment donations to control what happens to victims, like super chats on YouTube.
Whitney HoustonBillie EilishEllen DeGeneresJimmy FallonThe Tonight ShowWhoopi GoldbergThe Voice
- 4 min
Ventilators, Taiwan's Success, and a Death Wish Culture
#Tim argues every company should be making ventilators and masks, marvels that Taiwan outperformed America, and theorizes that a large segment of the population has a religiously-instilled death wish.
10moments
- Every company should be making ventilators and masks months ago, not now.
- Taiwan outperformed America at pandemic survival despite America calling itself the greatest country in the world.
- A large segment of the population has a death wish, brought up believing glory comes after death rather than in this life.
- People raised with that religious belief treat their bodies like garbage because they're waiting for the aneurysm at Denny's when things get good.
- Tim questions daily whether he should leave Los Angeles, though he doesn't think anywhere will be safe if things go as bad as they could.
- Antivirals like chloroquine and remdesivir might be what saves us, and he hopes they work.
- Joe Biden has disappeared from the spotlight because his handlers know he'll mess this up.
- Trump-Biden debate is pointless; America should just call China like a kid at a failed sleepover and ask to be picked up.
- China posts bright futures and positive quarantine updates, but the people writing them may have a gun to their head at that moment.
- Chinese officials bring a laptop, sit it down, and make people type about how good everything is.
- 1 min
Biden's Disappearance and Whitney Cummings' Silent Flight
#He wonders where Joe Biden has vanished to during the campaign, jokes about Chinese quarantine propaganda videos, and relays Whitney Cummings' story of a silent, no-service flight from New York to LA.
3moments
- Temperature checks with infrared technology might become standard for event entry, turning away anyone with a fever.
- Whitney Cummings described a surreal flight from New York to LA where no one spoke, flight attendants didn't communicate, and the pilot made zero announcements.
- The level of fear was so high that passengers and crew had complete silence for the entire six-and-a-half-hour flight—wheels up, wheels down, then just leave.
- 6 min
Wet Markets, Cruises, and Biochip Surveillance
#Tim discusses a Netflix show about failing restaurants leading into a riff on wet markets, whether travel and buffets survive the pandemic, and speculates about biochips and diagnostic tech being required to enter venues in the future.
8moments
- Tim describes watching Netflix's "Restaurants on the Edge," where a designer, restaurateur, and chef try to fix failing restaurants in beautiful locations before the owners revert to their old ways once the team leaves.
- Watching chefs shop at open-air wet markets where live animals are sold raises the question of whether people will continue visiting such markets or trying food from them after the pandemic.
- Tim asks whether cruise ships, buffets, and cruise culture survive a pandemic, or if people just decide to go anyway despite the risks.
- Tim explores what a best-case post-pandemic world looks like, questioning whether people are allowed into restaurants, arenas, or movie theaters with a fever in an 18-month cyclical pandemic.
- The conversation shifts to biochip surveillance and biotech security: the idea of implanting chips that track health data, allowing authorities to monitor behavior and potentially deactivate the chip if they disapprove.
- Tim acknowledges that nano chips storing medical information could theoretically be useful in emergencies—if someone collapses, paramedics would immediately know their medical history without delay.
- Biotech firms are developing diagnostic tools for concert venues, arenas, sports events, restaurants, and amusement parks to prevent sick people from entering and protect insurance liability.
- Tim pivots to discussing sexual dysfunction during quarantine, noting that many people without partners are unable to have sex because they can't get someone over, and that erectile function becomes a real concern.
- 2 min
Tim transitions into a BlueChew ad, joking about needing to stay sexually functional during quarantine and touting the promo code Tim for a free first shipment.
4moments
- Tim jokes that this may be your last sexual encounter, so make it good.
- Tim walks through the promo code offer: $5 shipping and a free first shipment.
- The company is so convinced the product works they give it free because customers will re-order.
- Tim pitches BlueChew as a way to support the show while getting what you need.
- 4 min
He announces plans to modernize the studio with new broadcasting tech for interviews and pulling up media, thanks Patreon subscribers, and discusses efforts with Andrew Schulz to help out-of-work comedy club waitstaff.
6moments
- Studio modernization plans: new TV, Skype interviews, ability to pull up articles and videos in real-time.
- Patreon subscribers appreciated but free content remains the priority—one podcast per week, YouTube videos, and livestreams always free.
- Patreon archive contains 177 episodes totaling 170 hours of content for $5 a month, but financial wellbeing of listeners comes first.
- Tim spoke with Andrew Schultz about donations focused on people directly affected by the crisis in comedy—waiters and waitresses at clubs.
- Comedy club support staff enabled comedians' livelihoods by bringing drinks, food, and running operations; they deserve help now.
- Donation strategy expanding beyond comedy workers to include food banks and other real-time community needs as conditions worsen.
- 7 min
The Survival of the Country Is Not Guaranteed
#Tim warns that the next few weeks will reveal whether the healthcare system collapses and whether the election gets disrupted, arguing the survival of the country as people know it is genuinely in question and the rich will retreat to secure communities.
10moments
- The survival of the country right now is not guaranteed, and that's not conspiracy mongering.
- Huge spikes in crime, global depression, and loss of faith in government are ingredients for a fall.
- City and local governments could collapse, leading to federal tanks rolling in and the end of rights as people remember them.
- Bonds with family and friends will be what prevents perishing when the wealthy abandon everyone else.
- If rich powerful people leave everyone to die, there might be organized resistance or worse.
- This might be a dress rehearsal for the next pandemic, and people probably won't be prepared.
- The one thing that might save us is that robots aren't good enough yet to do everything the wealthy need done.
- This isn't about Democrat or Republican—it's Darwinian, the strong surviving and the weak not, nature in action.
- Tim is cautiously optimistic only because AI and automation haven't advanced far enough yet.
- Stay sober, keep your mind sharp, and don't be too anxious—you're going to need your wits about you.
- 4 min
Fragile Institutions and Kids Licking Toilet Seats
#He reflects on always viewing society's institutions as fragile and run by fools, then pivots to disgust over viral trends of kids licking airplane toilet seats and eating Tide Pods as evidence of a sick society.
7moments
- Tim sees society's institutions as fundamentally fragile, contrary to what most people believe about their stability.
- When institutions are led by sociopaths, clowns, and people motivated only by money and power with no real checks, this is what manifests.
- Children are licking toilet seats on planes as a trend, which Tim cites as evidence of profound societal sickness.
- Kids are coughing on fruit in stores as a joke, another indicator of how disturbed society has become.
- Tim asks for evidence that society isn't profoundly sick, arguing the toilet-seat licking alone disqualifies any counterargument.
- Whitney Cummings noted that young people were eating Tide Pods last year for the colors and texture, now they're licking toilets on planes.
- Tim jokes that he feels bad for coronavirus having to infest a society this disturbed.
- 3 min
An Ad Pitch From Coronavirus Itself
#Tim jokes that COVID-19 itself tried to buy an ad on the show to improve its media image, and he declined the offer.
4moments
- Coronavirus reveals how fragile and unsustainable our lives and beliefs actually are.
- Tim received a pitch from coronavirus wanting to advertise on the show because they think they're getting bad press and assume his listeners understand population control.
- Tim recommends reading books like The Devil's Chessboard, Family Secrets, and Tragedy and Hope to understand how we got here.
- Our social media feeds are dominated by Trump and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez as avatars who speak on our behalf, and Tim questions how that happened.
Donald TrumpCOVID-19Alexandria Ocasio-CortezCarroll QuigleyDavid TalbottNorman Mailer
- 2 min
Reading List: How Empires Fall
#He closes by urging listeners to read books like The Devil's Chessboard, Tragedy and Hope, and Sapiens to understand how society got here and how empires historically collapse, ending with dark jokes about future generations watching a COVID documentary.
5moments
- Empire decline isn't accidental—it's a gradual process of giving up little by little, taking your foot off the gas and just cruising.
- Tim recommends reading about how empires fell and comparing them to current events, noting the patterns sound familiar.
- Obsession with celebrity chefs and Saxon food is everywhere, but reading about Rome's fall reveals what's actually wild.
- Tim hopes America makes it over this hurdle, though the future could be Lord of the Flies if things go badly.
- If civilization does collapse, future generations will have coronavirus musicals, shitty movies, and Netflix docs to look forward to.