Episode 176 · The Porch Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#176 - The Florida Project | The Tim Dillon Show
Dec 1, 2019 · 2:09:36 · 150,000 views · 22 segments, 167 moments indexed
We set up on the porch but the wind was being picked up by the mics, and it was also too cold, so we went inside. Sorry no video this week.
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- 1 min
A jingle character named Timmy the Trashcan asks patrons to throw their trash in him, followed by the show's musical intro.
1moment
- Tim performs as Timmy the Trashcan, a character who loves eating trash and asks people to dispose of garbage properly.
- 1 min
Tim announces a Black Friday Patreon deal offering extra episodes at $5 and $20 monthly tiers.
2moments
- Black Friday Patreon deal: $5/month for an extra episode weekly, $20/month for weekly episodes plus one monthly.
- All sales are final, all supplies must go—Tim applies used-car-salesman energy to the announcement.
- 3 min
Major World Car Dealership and Black Friday Chaos
#Tim recalls a sketchy Queens car dealership called Major World that sold cars from accidents and police auctions, then riffs on Black Friday, defending shoppers who need deals and recalling a Walmart stampede that caused national soul-searching while other atrocities went ignored.
5moments
- Tim describes a used car dealership in Queens that sold accident-damaged vehicles, wiping blood off a Nissan Altima before putting it on the lot as a "Major World" deal.
- At a bar last night, a guy suggested going to Target for Black Friday and the whole bar agreed it was a great idea.
- Tim defends Black Friday as necessary for people who actually need deals, rejecting upper-middle class judgment of the shopping frenzy.
- Taking advantage of the system means going into a Target mosh pit at 2 a.m. to grab toasters and backpacks during Black Friday sales.
- There was a stampede at a Walmart on Long Island that prompted national soul-searching about consumer culture.
Black FridayMajor WorldWalmartTargetNorthern BoulevardQueens
- 14 min
Disastrous Thanksgiving at the Calabasas Hunting Lodge
#Tim tells an extended story about a nightmarish Thanksgiving dinner at The Saddle Peak Lodge in Calabasas with his friend Michael: torrential rain, ambulances taking away a drunk elderly woman, a screaming customer demanding hot stuffing, terrible catering-hall food, a bar full of damned lonely people, a canceled Uber driver, and an expensive hour-long cab ride back, capped by a lackluster comedy set.
11moments
- Tim decides to skip flying home for Thanksgiving and instead finds a hunting lodge in Calabasas called The Saddle Peak Lodge.
- Going out to dinner on Thanksgiving is a mistake—you're supposed to stay home, eat stuffing, and listen to your aunt.
- 56-minute Uber ride through torrential rain and canyons to reach the lodge, with drunk drivers swerving between lanes.
- Upon arrival, there are two ambulances outside and a 90-year-old woman being carried out on a stretcher, passed out.
- Tim asks the hostess if the table is now open since the drunk woman was just taken out, but she refuses to seat them.
- The lodge is full of people without families—sad divorced parents, older people, and everyone is visibly miserable.
- The Thanksgiving food is atrocious catering-hall quality, and when Tim complains, his friend defends the restaurant.
- A man yells that the food isn't hot, forces the manager to touch the cold stuffing with his finger to prove it.
- After dinner, there are no Ubers available, and the Uber driver who does show up can't find the location despite Tim screaming into the phone.
- Back at the bar waiting for a cab, a drunk guy sits next to them discussing cancer types while a bartender keeps refilling his drink.
- Final hour-long cab ride back to Hollywood costs $100, making the entire $500 night a disaster of cold butternut squash soup disguised as lobster bisque.
Saddle Peak LodgeJoe RoganCalabasasThe Comedy StoreKanye WestLaurel Canyon
- 3 min
Red Robin's "Yum" Slogan Bit
#Tim mocks Red Robin's simplistic "Yum" advertising slogan and contrasts the contempt fast-casual chains have for customers with what real food tastes like.
6moments
- Tim explains that eating out on Thanksgiving because you're in a rush means you've made poor choices and are damned.
- Driving back from Thanksgiving dinner in traffic, alone in the cab while his friend sleeps, Tim imagines other families with full stomachs while he gets hungry again two hours later.
- Tim goes to the Comedy Store to eat cold pizza and perform a lackluster set for a non-dancing crowd on Thanksgiving.
- Red Robin's slogan "YUM" represents contempt for their customers—they didn't even bother coming up with an actual word.
- Tim imitates Red Robin's reasoning: customers probably don't need a multi-word pitch, so just keep it simple with "Red Robin YUM."
- The reality of eating at Red Robin is nothing like "YUM"—it's more like disgust and regret.
- 5 min
Tim reads a Ridge Wallet ad, riffing on old bulky leather wallets, decluttering your life, and imagining a listener meeting his wife because of the Ridge Wallet.
8moments
- Tim pitches Ridge wallet as the antidote to fat leather wallets full of maxed-out cards and failed financial decisions
- Ridge wallet keeps everything snapped in place and forces you to eliminate waste and clutter from your life
- The richest people Tim knows have clean surfaces with no clutter, and it all starts with what you carry in your pocket
- Ridge comes in many colors and has 36,000 five-star reviews; they offer a money-back guarantee if you don't like it
- Tim imagines someone enthusiastically suggesting Red Robin versus the sleek efficiency of grabbing a Ridge wallet like a Starbucks run
- Ridge wallet signals that you're modern and aware, potentially starting conversations that could even lead to meeting your wife
- Tim warns that if a woman says she loves The Tim Dillon Show, that's a red flag
- Benjamin Tillman announces the code and discount: 10% off with free worldwide shipping and returns at Ridge.com/Tim
- 9 min
The Irishman Is a Boring CGI Corpse Parade
#Tim rants extensively about how bad and overlong The Irishman is, mocking the de-aging CGI, the boomers who worship mob nostalgia despite having no real connection to that world, and the film's defenders on social media.
15moments
- The Irishman is a boring movie that nobody in the entertainment industry seems willing to walk away from.
- People defending the film online are nostalgic types who can't let go of the past, not people who actually lived through that era.
- The opening scene features CGI de-aging of older actors like Pesci and De Niro, creating a parade of artificial corpses.
- It's a money grab with the same old names—Scorsese, Keitel, De Niro, Pacino, Pesci—recycled because they're legends, but the result is just long and boring.
- We already saw this movie when it was called Goodfellas, and it was better and shorter.
- The people obsessing over the Irishman fantasize they'd be part of the Rat Pack, when really they'd just get hit in the head with a gun butt.
- Tim mocks the nostalgia-addicted crowd who romanticize smoking jackets and Cadillacs while working cubicle jobs at Geico.
- He grew up in a town with actual mafia people but refuses to romanticize it, unlike the Long Island and Jersey types with Scarface posters waiting for their mothers to die.
- The film is so long he showered in the middle of it without even stopping it.
- Scorsese should step out of his comfort zone and make a movie about something other than goons—try black trans women or babies who grow up to be gangsters.
- People identifying with the Irishman had no clue what that era was actually about; they just romanticize it thinking they'd have run things back then.
- Pesci coming out of retirement for this was a mistake; he should have stayed retired and let someone else have a shot.
- The next phase will be animating their literal dead bodies since the current cast is already on death's door.
- The film made money because boomers love it, but that doesn't make it good.
- The same people on social media defending the film are fantasizing about a time when women weren't on Facebook and were making ravioli instead.
The IrishmanMartin ScorseseJoe PesciRobert De NiroGoodfellasAl PacinoJim NortonJimmy Hoffa+3 more
- 1 min
Nostalgia Sickness: Mad About You, Frasier, and the 1950s
#He extends the nostalgia rant to reboots like Mad About You and Frasier and people romanticizing the 1950s while ignoring its horrors.
3moments
- People are nostalgic for periods they didn't even live through, like the 1950s, despite it being a time of racial violence.
- Modernity has problems, but constantly romanticizing the past is a sign of a dead society.
- Tim suggests someone should show up to the Mad About You reboot and tell Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt to stop making the show.
Mad About YouHelen HuntPaul ReiserFrasier Crane
- 4 min
Grown Adults Obsessed With Disney World
#Tim tells a story about a tour bus couple obsessed with Disney cruises and Disney World, mocks adult Disney/Harry Potter fandom, and criticizes people who never want to leave childhood entertainment.
11moments
- Tim criticizes grown adults watching Disney Plus and reading Harry Potter in public instead of moving on from childhood media.
- Jared Logan's point: Disney is the first culture you're exposed to, not supposed to be the last.
- Tim describes a couple on his tour bus who took a Disney cruise every year, hated New York City, but loved seeing The Lion King play.
- The couple insisted Disney World is the best place on earth because you have no responsibilities there, missing that adults can't escape responsibility.
- Tim observes the couple seemed to be in a living coma, wanting nothing but to take pictures with Mickey on a Disney cruise.
- Disney is a disease and its movies don't hold up—Tim tried rewatching Lady and the Tramp and found it mediocre.
- The Siamese cat scene in Lady and the Tramp still holds up well.
- Tim jokes that Song of the South holds up, then clarifies he's kidding to avoid internet outrage.
- Tim tweeted jokes yesterday that many people mistook for real events, including one about his six-year-old cousin coming out as non-binary at dinner.
- Some people on Twitter genuinely believed Tim's joke tweets were real and attacked him, unable to recognize comedy.
- Tim transitions to a holiday update, cutting himself off mid-sentence.
DisneyDisney WorldJared LoganDisney cruisesThe Lion King
- 2 min
Fake Thanksgiving Tweets Fool the Internet
#Tim reads his own joke tweets about a fake dramatic Thanksgiving dinner (non-binary cousin, incest, restaurant name mishap) and laughs at how many people believed they were real and got angry.
5moments
- Fake tweet about grandmother calling a restaurant "oriental" and getting beaten for it
- Six-year-old cousin tweet gets great responses
- Someone responds seriously to the fake tweet, claiming disrespect in youth is worse than ever and blaming parenting
- Tim notes the serious responses to his obvious joke reveal the public can't be convinced of anything
- Tim compares the show's Manscape sponsorship to PBS pledge drive language that includes defense contractors like Halliburton and Raytheon
- 10 min
An extended Manscaped ad covering the Lawn Mower 2.0 trimmer, ball deodorizer, a joke about cutting his own dick off, shaving with dad and friends at the holidays, and a riff on Ira Rennert owning a rival brand.
11moments
- Tim pitches Manscaped's precision grooming tools as essential, not optional.
- The coyness of "if you know what I mean" in grooming ads when the entire pitch is about getting ready for sex.
- Tim's personal experience with the Lawnmower 2.0 compared to rough beard trimmers.
- He claims he cut his dick off with the trimmer and emailed Manscaped, who offered him a free ball deodorizer.
- Single men need grooming before meeting new partners, unlike Ben with his long-term girlfriend in an "Oregon Trail relationship."
- Tim's pitch to gift Manscaped to family and shave together during the holidays without shame.
- Suggesting fathers get a Manscaped gift and telling them to "clean your junk up."
- Tim describes his imaginary "Manscaped parties" where everyone collects pubes in a bucket and makes beards with magnets like Wooly Willy.
- Ira Rennert owns Gillette's body groomer and has the largest private residence in America, so choose Manscaped instead.
- Overweight men especially need grooming to reclaim hidden inches and see their own penis.
- Some people haven't seen their own genitals in years due to poor grooming habits and excess pubes.
- 8 min
Lisa's Lounge TripAdvisor and Yelp Reviews
#Tim reads bemused TripAdvisor and Yelp reviews of his old Long Island dive bar Lisa's Lounge, including stories about a double homicide nearby and a nervous bartender, contrasting outsiders' confusion with his own fond memories.
11moments
- Tim describes TripAdvisor reviews of Lisa's Lounge as absurd—the idea that people would rate a corner bar on Long Island where lives were thrown away.
- One TripAdvisor review describes a band performance that never happened, with equipment failures, an empty Saturday night, and two people shot outside.
- Another reviewer complains the dive bar is dirty and never returns, missing entirely that it's a neighborhood corner bar, not a destination.
- Tim spent Christmas Eve at Lisa's Lounge with a friend and had more fun than being at his father's Masonic Lodge.
- Yelp reviews describe Lisa's Lounge as a hidden gem with a pool table, free beers for veterans, and a nice staff.
- Tim recounts the story of Marge, an elderly regular who bought rounds for everyone, got drunk, and defecated herself at the bar.
- When bar patrons laughed at Marge after the incident, she screamed at them that she'd bought them drinks and threatened to have her husband beat them up.
- Tim defends Marge's use of profanity while being carried out, arguing there was no more appropriate word for an angry woman in that particular situation.
- When Tim told his father he was hanging out at Lisa's Lounge, his dad responded that dive bars had played a role in every Dylan's life, including his uncles and grandfather.
- Tim explains Lisa's Lounge couldn't be enjoyed ironically because genuine human horrors were always on display—people with severe mental illness and disability.
- A newer bartender was present when a regular named Jen came in, setting up a story that doesn't conclude in the segment.
- 17 min
Regulars of Lisa's Lounge: Marge, Jen, Crazy Patty, and Bobby
#A long, vivid recollection of the damaged regulars at Lisa's Lounge — Marge cursing after soiling herself, delusional Jen throwing a fake firefighter party, Crazy Patty and her son's overdose call, Julie whose husband tried to kill her, and Bobby nearly choking to death while his wife drugged his beer nightly — leading into reflections on addiction, poverty, and community found in dive bars, plus a comparison to the fisherman bar The Helm.
11moments
- Jen throws a party for the fire department that never actually happens—no food, no firefighters—but she gets drunk and plays pool alone while everyone pretends it's real.
- Crazy Patty had done time in jail for carving up another woman's face, and when her son called from Vegas saying he'd taken too much of something, she just hung up and did shots.
- Lisa's Lounge was a real horror show—a Rob Zombie movie where you had to accept the chaos or leave, unlike the trendy speakeasies young professionals try to recreate.
- Bobby's wife Sally would drug him every night with something in his beer so she could drag him out of the bar, and one night he nearly choked to death.
- When Bobby nearly died choking, Sally seemed relieved, and after he coughed it up, he just laughed—disturbing to most people but normal for that crowd.
- The Helm was a similar fisherman bar with great cheeseburgers, probably because they never cleaned the grill, and a regular named Lou who had snorted his nose off.
- The Helm came alive around midnight with fights and people smashing glasses over each other's heads—the type of place where the bar became a community for people without stable lives.
- Tim describes witnessing poverty firsthand in crack houses where multiple families lived together, observing how drugs shaped lives and communities from the inside.
- For people without careers or stable housing, the bar becomes their actual community—where they network, find apartments, and connect over shared struggles.
- Tim spent years as a regular at these bars getting hammered every night, losing his house, living like a 50-year-old at 23, finding acceptance in a community of people falling apart together.
- The bar offered no judgment—you could walk in and get hammered while losing your house, and others would share their own disasters, creating a community of people in similar situations.
- 6 min
A sponsor read for Kuna Pro Gear backpacks framed as gear for rioters, protesters, and civil disobedience of any political stripe, with jokes about tear gas, riot cops, and durability.
10moments
- Tim pitches Kuna Pro Gear backpacks as military-grade survival gear for when society collapses, dismissing NPR tote bags.
- The backpack material is so durable it would have survived in Epstein's cell.
- Whether you're an antifa activist, communist, or neo-Nazi, you need a Kuna backpack for whatever you're trying to do out there.
- Tim describes the backpack as essential gear for bringing down local or government agencies, durable enough to withstand mace and bike locks.
- The corporate state will crush you, but at least you'll have a nice backpack and meet fun people doing civil disobedience.
- Nobody wants a cheap JanSport ripping during a violent riot; you need Kuna Pro Gear to stick and move through tear gas.
- Tim personally owns one of their backpacks and confirms it's genuinely tough and durable for college students, filmmakers, and hostile environments.
- The military-grade nylon is what the U.S. government uses when landing in third-world countries, making locals grateful.
- A Kuna backpack makes a good weapon against a riot cop who stumbled into protesters, if you believe in something strongly enough.
- When doing civil disobedience, the last thing you need to worry about is your backpack falling apart.
kunai ProGearNPR
- 2 min
Considering Joining TikTok
#Tim muses about whether to join TikTok, contrasting its goofy, low-stakes culture with the self-serious arguing on Facebook and Twitter.
3moments
- TikTok appeals to younger generations because it's genuinely dumb—just people dancing and falling down—which is actually healthier than how older generations use social media to fight about climate change on Facebook.
- Tim considers getting on TikTok himself, then jokes about having people at Lisa's Lounge make TikTocs instead.
- Going back to bars where he used to hang out is depressing because everyone's dead—they all check out in their sixties on Long Island.
- 3 min
Long Island Dive Bar Culture and Fear of the Future
#He connects Lisa's Lounge regulars and their nostalgia to Irish cultural dread of the future, then criticizes Hollywood's endless reboots and remakes like Euphoria as evidence of no new ideas.
5moments
- Irish people dread the future but love the past, which is why movies like The Irishman appeal to them.
- Tim sees no new ideas in entertainment despite knowing talented people who can't get opportunities while studios remake Frazier and Mad About You.
- Everything feels like a romantic remake; when new shows do get made, they're often bleak like Euphoria about kids doing heroin and selling webcam footage.
- Watching The Irishman made Tim realize people will eat up nostalgic content because returning home for the holidays is more tragic once you've left.
- New Yorkers who tweet they love the empty city during holidays because everyone's gone are just masking their depression.
- 24 min
Flirting With Moving the Show to Florida
#Tim seriously considers relocating the show and his life to Florida for cost and lifestyle reasons, weighing pros and cons against LA's fires and expense and New York winters, while questioning what all his hustling in comedy and TV development is really for.
21moments
- Tim floats the idea of moving the entire show operation to Florida eventually, citing high costs and cold weather in LA.
- His mother was a Weeki Wachee mermaid who performed in a tank for truckers in Florida.
- Florida appeals to him as inexpensive with no state income tax, though he acknowledges the drawbacks like hurricanes and the people.
- At 34, Tim questions whether he wants to stay in LA until 45, even if he makes significant money in comedy.
- He refuses to ever do winters in the Northeast again, ruling out a return to New York City.
- Tim questions whether he actually needs to be in LA or New York for his career to work, challenging the geographic necessity.
- People he started comedy with are still doing open mics in Brooklyn, pulling their names from a bucket at comedy clubs.
- He wrestles with whether proving himself to TV executives is worth it at a certain point, questioning what he's actually proving.
- The Comedy Store and The Stand are his favorite clubs; some New York clubs simply won't book him, which he no longer feels bitter about.
- Tim reflects on mortality and legacy: everyone dies and is forgotten, so what's the point of all the hustling and climbing.
- He got banned from a Long Island Club after observing that audiences came in sweatpants and starter jackets.
- Spokane Comedy Club has hot dogs named after comedians like Joan Rivers and Richard Pryor—comedians end up as just hot dogs or forgotten portraits.
- The question becomes how to build a sustainable life rather than staying in a place constantly on fire, tap-dancing for soulless executives.
- Maybe the show is all there is—him and the people listening—and he doesn't need mainstream entertainment or network deals to make it work.
- He feels like a sucker every time he pays for parking validation to pitch show ideas to executives in high-rises.
- Tim questions what mainstream entertainment even excites him about, whether it's sitting with Jimmy Fallon or floating in the Macy's parade.
- He'll stay in LA for now because he loves the Comedy Store, his friends, and the talented people there, but he's aware the business is for younger people.
- The only thing he truly values is freedom—making money means nothing if he has to wake up early doing work he hates.
- In the last 24 hours, he's been thinking about starting a militia as he contemplates his life choices and the point of it all.
- He lives a block from the Hollywood Improv but they book him at midnight for $15 in front of confused tourists, which feels like a waste of time and money.
- Michael points out that even a great meal yesterday would have been forgotten by now, suggesting Tim's complaints may be temporary frustrations.
FloridaThe Comedy StoreThe StandRush LimbaughWeeki WacheeHollywood ImprovSpokane comedy clubSt. Pete Beach
- 8 min
Tour Dates and Tyler Rivera's Monique Roast
#Tim runs through upcoming live tour dates, then highly praises comedian Tyler Rivera for his unfiltered takes, especially a clip mocking Monique for suing Netflix and not being "one of the voices of our time."
10moments
- Tim announces tour dates: Bridgeport Connecticut December 5-7, Providence December 13-14, Timonium Maryland January 9-11, Las Vegas comedy festival.
- Tyler Rivera is running the Las Vegas festival and doesn't mind controversy—Tim calls him a real comic who puts himself out there without filtering.
- Tyler Rivera's roast of Monique suing Netflix is one of the funniest things Tim has seen, summing up why she's not getting the money she wants.
- Playing Tyler Rivera's monologue about Monique: she filed paperwork to sue Netflix claiming she deserves millions for a special.
- Tim attended Monique's show in Las Vegas and found it decent but not special-worthy; he's not a hater but doesn't think her talent matches her expectations.
- Rivera's line: "She's just not one of the voices of our time"—Tim calls this a perfect way to sum up the entire situation.
- The Vegas festival includes very funny comics on the lineup, though Tim jokes about some controversial names being part of the bill.
- Tim rewatches Rivera's Monique clip and laughs at the punchline again—the delivery of "she's not a voice of our time" is brutally funny.
- Rivera also reviewed Netflix's 15-minute special and was similarly blunt, questioning whether comics were told to kill or not kill on stage.
- Tim praises Rivera for living in Vegas, not LA, and delivering unvarnished, uncensored opinions regardless of whether people like them.
Ty RiveraMoniqueNetflixPreciousThe Breakfast ClubFlame Monroe
- 2 min
Tim continues listing upcoming live show dates across multiple cities including Chicago, Toronto, Indio, New York's Caroline's, and more.
4moments
- Tim announces Toronto dates February 14th and 15th with a live podcast, possibly with Mark Norm and Shane Gillis.
- Indio California at Fantasy Springs Resort February 27th and 28th.
- Tour dates in Bloomington Minnesota, Phoenix Arizona, Edmonton Canada, with more to be added on Tim Dillon comedy dot com.
- Tim explains he stopped caring about being palatable to the masses because caring too much makes comedians unfunny.
- 2 min
Why the YouTube Podcast Episodes Got Pulled Down
#Tim explains that episodes were removed from YouTube as a precaution after friend Sam Tripoli's channel got deleted over an ad issue, and describes the plan to re-edit and re-upload them to protect the channel.
4moments
- Tim explains why podcast episodes got pulled from the YouTube channel.
- Sam Tripoli's channel came down over an ad—possibly CBD—and YouTube deleted it entirely.
- Tim's show runs ads for CBD, Blue Chew, gambling sites, and other products YouTube might flag.
- Plan is to edit out problematic ads and re-upload the episodes once they identify what needs cutting.
- 2 min
Tim gives a quick personal update on his keto diet and smoking, then plugs Patreon episodes featuring his former co-host Ray.
4moments
- Tim announces he's back on keto with no bread or sugar, having smoked nine Marlboros after a long time away from cigarettes.
- He advises becoming a regular at a dirtbag bar and peering into the void, then immediately qualifies that some people actually need to do this.
- Patreon episodes are coming up, with attempts to get Ray on as much as possible, including potential trips to Florida.
- Tim notes he loves doing the show solo now, though many people also enjoyed the original format with Ray, and Ray appears frequently on patreon episodes.
- 4 min
Merch Launch and Donating Proceeds to the Koch Family
#Tim announces the upcoming Life of the Big City t-shirt, praises Big Jay Oakerson's merch hustle, and makes an extended joke about donating a dollar from every shirt sale directly to Fred Koch and Charlie Kirk instead of charities like the Red Cross.
6moments
- Tim announces the 'Life in the Big City' shirt is coming out soon with a professional designer.
- Dick Mullen gives Tim advice on the merch business, explaining how he handles shipping and design himself.
- Tim reveals they're donating one dollar from every shirt sale to David Koch.
- After learning David Koch died, Tim pivots to donating to Frederick Koch instead, saying he likes knowing billionaires are trying to strangle people with their money.
- They decided the Salvation Army and Red Cross are shady, so they might as well give the money to the Kochs since that's where it goes anyway.
- Tim proposes writing actual checks directly to Fred Koch at his forty-million-dollar Park Avenue apartment in Manhattan.
Fred KochDick MullinRed CrossSalvation ArmyKoch IndustriesCharlie Kirk