Episode 171 · The Porch Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#171 - Brownie Boat | The Tim Dillon Show
Oct 27, 2019 · 1:43:47 · 265,000 views · 27 segments, 184 moments indexed
Tim returns from Florida to record in a hotel in Burbank.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: Timmy the Trashcan PSA
#A jingle character named Timmy the Trashcan begs patrons not to throw trash on the floor, opening the episode.
2moments
- Tim introduces himself as Timmy the Trashcan in a PSA bit
- The bit asks people not to throw trash on the floor and to give it to him instead
- 1 min
Rush Limbaugh Cosplay and Florida's Greatness
#Tim does a Rush Limbaugh bit broadcasting from Florida and muses on what makes the state great: elder abuse, sober houses, and rehab as an industry.
2moments
- Tim does Rush Limbaugh impression opening with 'ladies and gentlemen' and references to Palm Beach and the EIB Network.
- Florida is America's greatest state and crown jewel, but Tim questions why—is it the sunsets, elder abuse, sober houses, or that rehabilitation is a major industry?
FloridaRush Limbaughelder abuse
- 2 min
East Coast vs West Coast Florida and the Uber Driver's Divorce Story
#Tim contrasts the New York transplant energy of Florida's east coast with the Midwest/Canadian west coast, then relays an Uber driver's story about his wife defrauding him in an asphalt business scheme.
6moments
- East Coast Florida has New York transplants everywhere—Palm Beach, Boca, Fort Lauderdale, Miami—while the West Coast draws Canadians and Midwest people.
- Florida's gravitational pull transforms you into someone eating conch fritters on a back deck at 3 p.m., becoming a person rather than being born that way.
- Uber driver picks Tim up at 3 p.m. from Ocean Prime and immediately asks how dinner was, establishing Florida's confused sense of time.
- The driver's wife defrauded him in the asphalt business, wrote fake checks, but he didn't press charges because they have two kids and her family's bipolar.
- Driver's now trying to start a business with his younger son, which Tim suggests is a way to ruin his own flesh and blood's life.
- Roger Stone supposedly called Florida a sunny place for shady people—exactly what that Uber story illustrated.
Roger StoneFloridaOcean PrimeClearwaterFort LauderdaleLong IslandMiamiPalm Beach+2 more
- 2 min
The Don CeSar Hotel and Cheap Florida Luxury
#Tim describes Florida as a place for people running from something, cites Roger Stone's "sunny place for shady people" line, and describes staying at the historic Don CeSar hotel for cheap compared to his grim Burbank inn.
4moments
- Tim describes the Florida vibe: people running from something, doing cheaper versions of their dreams in a place where everything costs less than New York or LA.
- He stayed at the Don CeSar, a beautiful old beachfront hotel where the owner killed himself—a former VA hospital where many died during World War Two.
- Upon arrival, an old couple complained the restaurant was closed for renovations at a 153-dollar-a-night resort.
- Tim is currently living in a bare industrial inn in Burbank that costs 2,200 to 2,400 a month, where every door looks like a supply closet.
- 5 min
His Cousin's Heroin Addiction and the Thanksgiving "Thankful" Game
#Tim tells a long story about his cousin's addiction and drug use in Delray Beach, then recounts a dark Thanksgiving where everyone had to say what they were thankful for and his cousin simply said "I'm sick."
8moments
- Tim's cousin moved to Florida and became addicted to heroin, smoking crack and pills indiscriminately.
- At Thanksgiving, an aunt insisted on the 'what are you thankful for' game, which Tim calls a waste of time because no one admits the truth.
- Nobody will say what they're actually thankful for—like getting away with cheating on taxes or not being caught with affairs.
- Tim admits he's thankful he was born white and can be mediocre without constant police harassment, even though they should be harassing him.
- Going around the table at Thanksgiving, everyone's nervous about when the cousin will have to answer, so Tim said he was thankful for his nanny's chocolate pudding.
- When the cousin's turn came, she just picked her head up and said 'I'm sick,' and the family immediately moved to the next person.
- Delray Beach, Florida is split in half—one side rehabs, the other side crack houses, so addicts shimmy between relapsing and sobriety.
- Sober houses are big business where rich parents stash their drug-addicted kids to be watched instead of raising them themselves.
Goldman SachsFloridasober housesNew Yorkrehabilitation and addiction treatmentDelray Beach
- 3 min
Rich Kid Rehab vs Poor People's Rehab
#Tim contrasts luxury celebrity rehabs like Promises in Malibu (horse therapy, beach yoga) with what happens to poor addicts who get kicked out once insurance runs out, and connects it to his cousin's relapses.
7moments
- Rich people hire sober companions to sit next to them on flights and prevent them from ordering drinks.
- Poor people either skip rehab entirely or get kicked out once insurance runs dry with minimal support.
- Luxury rehab programs like horse riding in Malibu don't address the underlying addiction issues.
- Rich rehab is distraction disguised as treatment: beach yoga, sunset therapy, five-star chefs, and legal drugs.
- Addicts leave expensive rehab and relapse within a week, ending up back in clubs using again.
- His cousin went to Delray rehab programs, got some clean time, then relapsed—the disease is insidious and lifelong.
- Tim respects his cousin for trying despite how hard the fight against addiction actually is.
Nicole RichieDelray
- 4 min
Just Plain Keith, the One-Armed Booker
#Tim recounts doing rehab-circuit comedy shows early in his career, including a legendary heckle in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, and a one-armed ex-crackhead promoter named Keith who lied about losing his arm in the military to get first-class seats.
9moments
- Tim did rehab comedy shows early in his career when he couldn't book clubs, including one in Eau Claire, Wisconsin.
- Best heckle ever: at a Wisconsin rehab show, someone yelled "Dahmer ate my friend" during a Dahmer joke.
- Keith, a one-armed former crackhead, used to book these rehab gigs and wore a terrible plastic prosthetic arm from a Halloween store.
- Keith's fake arm was frozen in one position, like someone giving a speech, and he'd lost the real one smoking crack.
- Tim respected that Keith would lie about his service even though nobody believed him, viewing it as typical addict behavior.
- Keith arguing with flight attendants that he deserved free first-class seats because he lost his arm for the country.
- Keith called himself "Just Plain Keith" and would perform other people's jokes at his booked gigs.
- Keith steals a joke from a great deceased comedian who did heroin and had AIDS, opening with "I live ten years clean."
- Keith claims the dead comedian's brother gave him permission to do the bit, which Tim finds questionable.
KeithEau Claire WisconsinPompano Beach Florida
- 4 min
Pompano Beach Gig and "I Just Love Heroin"
#Tim tells a story about a rough rehab convention gig in Pompano Beach and a Chili's lunch where his cousin honestly told him she just loves heroin, plus a bit about ex-addicts running the rehabs themselves.
9moments
- Tim describes traveling with comic Scott Papa Curie to a disastrous convention show in Pompano Beach where his cousin and her friends attended.
- The convention show was poorly set up in a conference room with no audience expectation, but Tim performed decently despite the rough conditions.
- At lunch at Chili's, Tim's cousin told him with complete honesty: "I love the family, I love everyone, I just love heroin."
- Tim reflects on how grateful he is never to have done heroin, imagining the point where addiction becomes total acceptance.
- Former drug addicts now run the rehabs and sober houses, creating a cycle where counselors may have been doing home invasions the year before.
- The rehab system relies on an honor system where people self-report their clean time to get certified and paid, with no real verification.
- Money doesn't solve addiction—the real issue is people whose body chemistry has changed and become a ticking time bomb ready to relapse.
- Tim describes how addicts can put together clean time—six months or a year—then suddenly get activated and go "off the reservation."
- Tim went to rehab early in his comedy career around late 2010 because he was taking Percocet and other pills, about three or four a day.
heroinScott Papa CurieWoonsocket Rhode IslandPompano BeachChili's
- 4 min
Checking Into the Long Island Center for Recovery
#Tim tells the story of his own rehab intake as a young comedian on Percocet, including negotiating with insurance and getting talked into faking drunkenness to qualify for coverage, ending up with 8 days instead of 28.
6moments
- Tim tells his dad he's addicted to drugs and might die without rehab; his father responds that he seems fine because he's wearing a suit and has a job.
- He checks into the Long Island Center for Recovery in Hampton Bays, not the nice part of the Hamptons, feeling like his life has gone wrong.
- Tim believed becoming a comedian would let him keep using drugs and drinking, making deals with himself that addiction would somehow be fine once he came out.
- During intake, the intake counselor asks if he's drunk and suggests he go get drunk before coming back because insurance covers cases with high blood alcohol levels better.
- His insurance isn't good, and the counselor's tone shifts from "we're a family" to addressing him as "you" once the application starts failing to go through.
- The counselor finagled approval for eight days of a 28-day program because his insurance company decided he could learn everything in a week instead of a month.
Long Island Center for RecoveryHampton Bays
- 6 min
Rehab Roommates: Honey Shoes, Jeff Dunham, and Dead Friends
#Tim describes his rehab bunkmates including a girl smuggling drugs in honey packets in her shoelaces, Alex and Ricky who later died or ended up in jail, and watching a Jeff Dunham special with them post-release.
10moments
- Rehab roommate insisted heroin has no negative consequences except addiction and withdrawal.
- Portuguese older roommate wandered around in underwear muttering to himself, probably drying out from alcohol.
- Girl in rehab kept packets of honey and smuggled Xanax in the laces of her shoes.
- Alex was a wealthy Long Island bro with a hot girlfriend and rich mom who later killed himself, probably from drugs.
- Ricky invited Tim over after rehab and they watched Jeff Dunham's puppet special, which Ricky and his girlfriend loved.
- Tim sat there wondering if watching Jeff Dunham's puppets was better than heroin and cocaine use.
- One guy wanted to stay sober but keep pursuing electronic music as his passion, which Tim compares to a drunk leaving bars to drink seltzer.
- George had a deformed face, inherited $120,000 in a lawsuit, and a hooker named Carol spent all his money before he ended up living in his car.
- Mike came to the bar claiming sobriety while drinking water, insisting he just loved hanging out with them, which Tim found worse than drinking.
- Tim visited Ricky in jail and explains how rehab bonds people intensely, then they never see each other again unless at funerals or disasters due to high recidivism rates.
- 3 min
How You Know Someone Died: The Facebook Memorial Girl
#Tim describes the phenomenon of one person repeatedly posting nostalgic messages on a dead friend's Facebook page as the tell that someone has passed, tying back to his hometown rehab friends.
7moments
- Tim checks old Facebook profiles of people from his hometown to see what happened to them.
- How to know someone died: their profile isn't marked as a memorial, but one girl just keeps posting on it every day.
- The girl posts repeatedly over years—'a lot of people forgot about you but I'll never forget'—which is the telltale sign he's dead.
- One girl over and over: 'I love you, I remember when we used to chill,' with increasingly specific and questionable memories.
- Tim shifts to rehab: he's glad he got out of it because for a lot of people it becomes a lifestyle, their whole identity.
- The rehab facility was good when Tim was there because everyone wanted to get sober, but deteriorated after he left when court-ordered people with no interest showed up.
- After leaving rehab, Tim was done with drugs; he tried pot a few more times, got panic attacks, and stopped completely.
Yanis Papa
- 7 min
The Twisty Treat Brownie Boat Feud
#Tim tells an extended, escalating story about repeatedly trying to order a "brownie boat" from Florida ice cream chain Twisty Treat and being denied because the location is independently owned, riffing on franchise logic.
9moments
- The Florida Project is a great movie about the Magic Castle extended-stay hotel where people actually live.
- The film cast a real white-trash girl from Instagram and barely paid the actual hotel residents who appeared in it.
- Tim tried a brownie boat at a Twisty Treat ice cream place and returned the next day to a different location.
- A haggard woman at the second Twisty Treat insisted they're privately owned and don't have brownie boats, with no explanation.
- At the first location, the employee enthusiastically recommended the brownie boat and everyone in line was ordering it.
- Floridians want their ice cream in boats and troughs, not cones or sundaes.
- Pervert Park is a documentary about a mobile home community in St. Petersburg filled with pedophiles abusing children.
- The FBI was busy pretending to be children online to catch a 17-year-old instead of stopping actual terrorists like those behind 9/11 and the Boston Marathon bombing.
- Tim considered doing a podcast from Pervert Park just yelling about Twisty Treat and brownie boats.
The Florida ProjectMagic CastleSaudi ArabiaStephen PaddockPervert ParkTwisty TreatBria VinaiteGabriel Iglesias+1 more
- 6 min
Pervert Park and the Idea of a Pedophile-Colony Podcast
#Tim discusses the documentary Pervert Park about a Florida mobile home community of convicted sex offenders, and jokingly considers doing a podcast episode there, weaving in the brownie boat saga.
8moments
- Tim encounters a Twisty Treat employee who doesn't know what a brownie boat is, leading to his exasperated explanation that it's a Banana Boat with brownies.
- Friend Michael suggests Tim do a podcast at Pervert Park, but Tim worries about the tone—too sympathetic and people get mad, too hostile and it feels exploitative.
- Tim describes the podcast concept: talking to the residents about their trauma while asking them about the brownie boat, treating them as people who got a raw deal in life.
- Another Twisty Treat location claims they don't have the brownie boat despite being owned by the same company that owns a competitor, confusing Tim.
- The employee acknowledges that customers ask for the brownie boat every single day but insists they can't make it, prompting Tim's exasperated response.
- Tim riffs on Florida's problems—heroin addiction, Ponzi schemes, elderly poverty, a cursed Indian burial ground swamp—all while people just want the brownie boat.
- Tim clarifies the brownie boat definition again for the confused employee, then asks if she knows where the pedophile mobile home park is.
- Pervert Park documentary makes viewers feel lucky—lucky not to be a pedophile, not to live in Florida, not to have been molested as a child, and lucky to use someone else's Netflix password.
Twisty TreatEddie's
- 1 min
Calling Twisty Treat Back
#A short bit imagining calling the Twisty Treat clerk again to check on the brownie boat and getting the same "we're independent" excuse.
2moments
- Tim calls Twisty Treat and identifies himself, asking if they have the boat yet.
- Tim argues there is no independence in a franchise system.
- 10 min
A long Ridge Wallet ad read that spirals into an elaborate fantasy about abandoning your family, burning your house down, moving to the Florida Keys to sell cocaine, getting committed, and reclaiming your Ridge wallet upon release.
13moments
- Tim pivots to wallets and the philosophy of simplifying your life by cutting out friends and family.
- Ridge wallet advertised as sleek, minimal—you carry only essentials like a single debit card or business card.
- Tim argues that true abundance is the absence of things, not accumulation—it's simplicity and lack of clutter.
- Real abundance means having a bare, clean home and car, not boxes of trinkets, collectibles, and boomer garage junk.
- The Ridge wallet is the first step to eliminating friends and family and living a simpler, isolated life.
- Tim describes burning your house down, abandoning your family, and moving to the Florida Keys to live in a tent as the natural progression of wallet-inspired minimalism.
- Character abandons wife and kids in New Jersey, becomes a pirate selling cocaine in the Florida Keys while working at a trinket shop.
- Burning the house down was unnecessary and made the family homeless, but wife's sister takes them in because she has a rich wallet.
- Character realizes entanglements were killing him, so he burns house, abandons family and friends, and moves to Florida to live in a tent and sell cocaine.
- Cops eventually catch him for arson and he's sentenced to six months in a mental hospital on an insanity defense.
- Mental hospital confiscates the Ridge wallet out of suicide risk concerns; character compares losing it to Bilbo losing the Ring.
- Upon release, he will immediately buy another Ridge wallet to begin the next adventure, completing the ad pitch.
- Final sales pitch: Ridge wallet at ridgewallet.com/timbaked with code TIM for 10% off.
- 1 min
Loved Joker's DeNiro Scene
#Brief praise for the movie Joker, specifically the scene where he shoots Robert De Niro's character.
3moments
- Tim saw Joker in New York and thought it was great.
- The DeNiro scene where Joker shoots him on late-night TV felt like the right outcome to Tim.
- Tim notes the scene is less dark than expected.
- 6 min
Hack Comics Who Should Quit
#Tim goes on a tirade about untalented open mic comedians who can't be told the truth about how bad they are, comparing it to delusional marathon runners and arguing most people should just be audience members.
9moments
- Most people are so bad at comedy that explaining how bad they are would make them cry; they have no idea.
- Tim compares bad comics to someone with zero chance of becoming a marathon runner taking advice from actual runners.
- Meeting comics on the road who are so far gone there's nothing to tell them except to quit entirely.
- Kurt Metzger's point: you have to get good enough to be hack, and some comics haven't even reached that level.
- Asking bad comics if they realize the audience hated them and that five minutes was the worst of their day.
- Tim describes audiences giving polite chuckles out of discomfort, desperate for bad comics to leave the stage.
- The majority of people doing comedy now are just fans; they get on stage because no one tells them they're bad anymore.
- When bad comics say the room doesn't get their material, the actual room for them is a padded hospital cell.
- Tim tells struggling comics to stop writing jokes and sign themselves into a mental institution instead.
Kurt MetzgerKatie Hughes
- 4 min
Andrew Collin's Florida Summary and Chelsea Handler's DNR
#Tim reads a friend's darkly funny summary of Florida (Medicare fraud, Casey Anthony, Terry Schiavo) and riffs into a bit about having a DNR triggered specifically by Chelsea Handler getting another Netflix deal, imagining her apologizing for American history.
5moments
- Tim reads Andrew Collin's summary of Florida: Medicare fraud, Tom Petty, horse shit, face-eating stories, fake tits, nice muscles, fried Gator, and throwing old people down stairs.
- Florida's best people include Casey Anthony and the Terry Schiavo case, where her husband kept her alive as a vegetable while fighting to let her die.
- Tim has a DNR that specifies if Chelsea Handler gets another Netflix deal, he should not be resuscitated.
- Chelsea Handler walking through Gaza apologizing for calling poor people rats and discussing her privilege from her Bel Air house.
- Tim imagines Chelsea Handler apologizing for every historical atrocity America committed: Tuskegee, systemic racism, the Tuskegee Airmen, MK-Ultra experiments.
Andrew ColinTerry SchiavoFox NewsChelsea HandlerFloridaCasey AnthonyGazaNetflix+1 more
- 5 min
Noise Complaint at the Hotel and Franklin Scandal Trip Planning
#Tim gets interrupted by a hotel noise complaint, riffs on cheap hotel prices outside LA/NY, and discusses plans to travel to Omaha/Des Moines to investigate the Franklin scandal for the podcast.
9moments
- Tim suspects the noise complaint is coming from the hotel staff.
- People at the Coast Hotel are unhappy with loud talking during the podcast.
- Tim can't justify spending massive amounts on hotels in expensive cities until he's wealthy.
- Hotel room prices in Indianapolis were surprisingly high; Omaha rooms looked cheaper.
- Considering visiting Noreen Gosch in Des Moines, a few hours from Omaha, for the project.
- Joking that the Franklin scandal might be completely made up, just kids fabricating wild claims about politicians.
- The podcast would be spooky, with people revealing horrific things that happened to them.
- Tim digresses about independently-owned businesses that are actually owned by the same parent company.
- The point of a franchise is having consistent items across locations.
Franklin scandalNoreen GoschFloridaOmahaMarco IslandMiami improvDes Moines
- 3 min
Tim reports on the news story of Harvey Weinstein attending an actors' networking comedy event and comedian Kelly Bachmann calling him out from stage, which went viral.
6moments
- Harvey Weinstein showed up to a comedy show at an actors' networking event in New York City.
- Tim questions why the group organizer thought inviting Weinstein to mentor young actors was a good idea.
- Nobody apparently vetted having a man accused by 87 women of rape sit in the front row of a comedy show.
- Comedian Kelly Bachmann called out Weinstein during the show and went viral overnight.
- Bachmann's clip hit 5 million views and she gained 77,000 Twitter followers from it.
- Tim says the situation is getting out of hand quite quickly.
Harvey WeinsteinKelly Bachmann
- 9 min
What If Harvey Weinstein Loved My Act?
#Tim imagines an alternate scenario where Weinstein is in the crowd loving his comedy, discusses Weinstein's ongoing cultural power, and reflects on how he personally would have handled seeing Weinstein at a show.
12moments
- A female comic called out Harvey Weinstein at the event, sharing her own experience, and Tim respects that many comics said nothing out of fear he'd make a comeback.
- Tim speculates that Harvey would probably enjoy his act now because he's human with blood in his veins and those people like what he does.
- Tim imagines the scenario of crushing with Harvey in the audience, having him laugh belly-laughing so hard someone whispers he's a genius.
- Tim considers what he would have done if Harvey had been in the audience while he was killing—he wouldn't have been deferential.
- Harvey Weinstein showing up to a comedy show a few years ago would have been a huge night for the performer because the scandal wasn't that far in the past.
- Harvey is still making stars just by being in the same room—an obscure open mic performer is now potentially the last woman he made famous.
- Tim would have recognized Harvey on stage and definitely addressed him, called him a rapist, tried to be funny about it, but thinks it was better it came from a woman and rape survivor.
- Harvey had Mossad agents on his payroll intimidating women, and despite all the evidence and his own recorded words, nobody could get him locked up.
- Louis C.K. tweeted that Harvey Weinstein in the audience is gangfest, but would have actually been in the green room instead.
- Tim wants to do an episode about the Franklin scandal in Omaha but can't because he's not a journalist and journalists protect their own stories and scoops.
- Tim won't do deep-dive investigations himself because that's not his job—he's a comedian who can showcase credible people's work if they're willing.
- Many people dedicate their lives to conspiracy investigations and want exposure, but they also want to get paid because they've sacrificed their professional reputation.
- 4 min
Louis CK's Weinstein Joke and Ben's Dogs
#Tim reads a funny tweet from Louis CK about Weinstein and the green room, then digresses into telling his producer Ben that his poorly-behaved dogs are a bad omen for future parenting.
6moments
- Hollywood producers blow smoke and promise reporters their stories will become worldwide phenomena and make them famous.
- Tim argues the only way to get Americans to care about anything now is through movies or Netflix series, not congressional investigations.
- Conspiracy theorists imagine documentaries escalating into features that wake people up, the way JFK's movie opened doors to legitimate inquiry decades later.
- Usually the truth about major events emerges 50 years later when everybody involved is dead.
- Tim expects a Jeffrey Epstein movie will come out soon, but predicts it won't actually portray real politicians or hint at their involvement.
- An accurate Epstein movie would require showing world leaders visiting the island, which studios will avoid by just showing rich guys in suits instead.
- 4 min
Why the Franklin Scandal Episode Isn't Happening
#Tim explains the practical and ethical reasons he can't do a real investigative journalism episode on the Franklin scandal, describing how conspiracy researchers protect their scoops for future Hollywood paydays.
8moments
- Tim says nobody will talk to him about the Franklin scandal, citing lack of credibility and inability to verify claims.
- Conspiracy theories are mainstream now and people are dumb for thinking he's selling out by not covering them.
- Tim rants about people's obsession with dogs instead of focusing on real priorities like business and children.
- Pet breeding has created deformed animals that don't even understand why they exist and can barely breathe.
- Every loser with nine dogs uses them as an excuse to avoid doing anything meaningful with their life.
- Tim's friend got a dog to avoid doing coke, which treats the symptom instead of fixing the actual problem.
- Conspiracy investigations get complicated when egos are involved and everyone wants to own the story exclusively.
- Tim warns his fans that some of them are so literal-minded they're like medical miracles of surviving without brain function.
- 5 min
The Smiley Face Killers Follow-Up
#Tim recaps his prior Smiley Face Killers episode, criticizes a bad Oxygen network reality show on the topic, and describes the researchers behind the theory as unreliable self-promoters.
10moments
- Tim recaps the smiley face killers episode and its theory of a serial killer gang drowning college-educated men in rivers across the country.
- The Oxygen Network show on the subject was poorly made and damaged the credibility of Tim's own investigation.
- Tim found a credible potential victim in Wisconsin and had him on the show, which became one of their most successful episodes.
- Tim emailed the three men who've been pushing this theory for 20 years—one accused of sexual assault, another who lied to a college, and Kevin Gannon, who allegedly exposed himself during the investigation.
- One of the three is Leigh Gilbertson, a St. Cloud professor; Tim suspects these three losers might be killing kids to get an Oxygen show.
- Tim believes something is genuinely wrong with the smiley face killer deaths—kids found two miles from bars in February don't walk by icy rivers randomly.
- Tim mocks the Oxygen reality show format by imagining it paired with overweight housewives discussing Weight Watchers points while covering young boys being killed.
- Tim emailed Leigh Gilbertson after noticing he wasn't on the next season of Oxygen, following up on their previous correspondence about waiting for the network.
- These three men have been dragging parents along for 20 years with no convictions, arrests, or meaningful progress beyond reclassifying one or two cases as homicides.
- Despite two decades of work by these investigators, only one case has been reclassified, which Tim considers minimal achievement.
smiley face killersOxygenLeigh GilbertsonKevin GannonWisconsinSt. Cloud
- 1 min
Reading the Rejection Email from Lee Gilbertson
#Tim reads aloud his email exchange with smiley face killers researcher Lee Gilbertson, who declined a podcast interview because comedy wasn't seen as an appropriate venue for the topic.
2moments
- Tim reads his initial email to Lee Gilbertson about appearing on the show, mentioning 150-200k downloads on the smiley face killers episode.
- Gilbertson's rejection explains that a comedy venue does not seem appropriate given the gravity of the topic, but suggests reconsidering if Tim had another outlet.
- 3 min
Everyone's Waiting for the Movie Deal
#Tim argues that conspiracy researchers withhold cooperation because they're all hoping for a bigger TV or movie deal down the line, using Edward Snowden as a comparison point for himself.
5moments
- Tim notes he's had FBI agents and bestselling authors on the show, with guests saying his interviews were better than network television ones.
- Everyone pursuing big stories is waiting for the movie deal or TV show contract, not necessarily eager to appear on his platform.
- Tim defends that wanting a payday is completely rational—these people need some benefit to justify appearing anywhere.
- Smileyface Killer could make a great movie, but that's exactly the problem keeping these stories off his show.
- Tim says if he'd had Edward Snowden, he probably would've just gone to Chili's because Americans don't actually care about surveillance.
- 4 min
Chili's With Friends Instead of Blowing the Whistle
#Closing riff imagining he had Snowden-level secrets about government surveillance but would rather tell his apathetic Long Island friends over Chili's egg rolls than actually blow the whistle, tying back into the Weinstein fantasy of being loved on stage.
7moments
- Tim says he would have gone to Chili's with friends instead of blowing the whistle like Snowden, explaining what he'd found over burgers and egg rolls.
- He lays out the surveillance revelation to his friend Ryan: every Google search, phone call, text, and internet search is stored and weaponized by the government.
- His friends' actual response to learning about total surveillance: complaining that the burger isn't cooked right and praising the southwestern egg rolls.
- Tim's thinking: if he went public with this information, he'd end up in jail and have to live in Moscow—so he'd just silently eat the egg roll instead.
- Pivoting to Harvey Weinstein: what if the rapist had actually laughed at Tim's material and connected with it in a way that made all the terrible comedy rooms worth it?
- Tim imagines Harvey howling and cackling at his comedy, understanding him on the same frequency after years of lonely, difficult road gigs.
- The real dilemma: would he blow the whistle like Snowden, or would he eat the southwestern egg roll? He'll never know.