Episode 369 · The Studio Revamp
Through The Gate | The Tim Dillon Show #369
Nov 11, 2023 · 1:03:00 · 385,000 views · 18 segments, 122 moments indexed
Tim goes off on the SAG strike ending, what the real ‘artificial intelligence’ is, Palestinians fleeing Gaza and how sometimes there’s only one way to get out of a ticket.
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- 3 min
Cold Open: SAG Strike Ends and the Boy Meets World Cast Emerges
#Tim announces the SAG-AFTRA strike is over and mocks out-of-work actors, including the cast of Boy Meets World, showing up demanding dignity. He riffs into a bit about AI being 'the real Jews' as the thing people should actually fear.
5moments
- SAG strike is finally over after a horrific conflict that shook everyone out of their comfort zone.
- Tim describes unemployed actors from the 90s and 2000s stumbling out of Van Nuys hellholes with picket signs in 95-degree heat begging studios for work.
- Cast of Boy Meets World crawled out of the depths of hell, activated by the bat signal to show up demanding dignity.
- Tim compares actors' fight against replacement to Charlottesville protesters, but argues AI are the real threat, not Jews or China.
- AI are the real Jews replacing everyone, a connection Tim claims to have learned first and is now communicating to the audience.
Screen Actors GuildBoy Meets WorldFran DrescherArtificial IntelligenceCharlottesville
- 4 min
Fran Drescher, SAG Leadership, and the AMPTP Big Wigs
#Tim theorizes that SAG presidents are never the industry's biggest stars, using Fran Drescher as the example of someone pushed into a fight by others. He runs through studio executives like David Zaslav, Ted Sarandos, Donna Langley, and Bob Iger, including a tangent about Disney's non-binary content push.
10moments
- Jewish people are pale and prone to melanoma, which is why they glob sunscreen on kids at beach clubs.
- The Chinese are tough and machine-like as a society, but America is fattening them up with fast food.
- Whatever race you're paranoid about is dominating you, but it's not the Irish—nobody fears Irish control.
- AI is the Jews—everything people think Jews are doing, AI is actually doing.
- Fran Drescher played the Nanny for five years and hasn't done anything else significant.
- The president of SAG is never the person killing it—successful people like Tom Cruise don't have time for it.
- When you get political, it's not because things are going well—you don't see Olivia Rodrigo trying to run anything.
- The studio heads—David Zasloff, Donna Langley, Ted Sarandos, and Bob Iger—were planning an attack.
- Disney went nuts with non-binary stuff, so they brought Bob Iger back to calm things down because everyone was saying ridiculous things like 'I'm a raindrop.'
- It's easy to make genderless content—you can animate anything without a gender, like a grain of sand.
Artificial IntelligenceFran DrescherBob IgerSAGDavid ZasloffDonna LangleyTed Sarandos
- 6 min
Psychological Warfare and the Fake SAG Contract Clauses
#Tim describes the AMPTP's alleged strategy of psychological warfare against actors and the fight over AI likeness rights, then launches into a fabricated list of absurd new SAG contract deal points, including a temporary ban on Filipino actors.
8moments
- AMPTP planned psychological warfare by timing their final SAG offer right before the holidays to depress the industry during the strike.
- Tim claims studio executives asked him for advice on breaking down actors mentally and he suggested the holiday timing tactic.
- Studios wanted to use AI to replace actors entirely, digitize dead performers, and eliminate the need to hire new talent.
- The entertainment business is in its final chapter before becoming purely a tech business, since everything that can be digitized will be.
- Studio logic: get rid of actors who want money and commit sexual assault, use dead or digitized likenesses instead, and eliminate writers too.
- The glory days of cinema are dead and the money is gone; studios are cutting costs to prepare for massive industry change.
- AI isn't good enough yet to actually replace everyone, so studios had to negotiate and the three-year SAG contract reflects that reality.
- One deal clause bans Filipinos from films for twelve months to give audiences time to adjust since they're suddenly everywhere now.
SAGFran DrescherAMPTPTom Hanksartificial intelligence in entertainmentKara Swisher
- 5 min
More Fake Contract Clauses and the Israel-Gaza AI Joke
#He continues inventing bizarre SAG contract rules (a ban on calling a 350-pound woman hot, a ban on being both Black and Jewish, restrictions on Timothy Chalamet and Finn Wolfhard), then pivots into a dark joke suggesting Israel reuse AI-generated footage instead of repeatedly bombing targets in Gaza.
10moments
- Tim describes fake Hollywood contract clause: no woman over 350 pounds will be referred to as hot for three years.
- Another clause bans films from having characters who are both Black and Jewish at the same time for 36 months.
- Timothy Chalamet and Finn Wolford cannot appear in the same film together due to limits on actors with small bone structure.
- Timothy Chalamet is explicitly forbidden from playing Rosa Parks in blackface.
- Tim's AI proposal for Gaza: use footage of one bombed hospital on loop instead of bombing multiple ones.
- Tim suggests recording screams from one bombing and looping them to reduce actual deaths while maintaining psychological impact.
- Tim announces he stars in Eli Roth's Thanksgiving movie, claims it's about his life despite only being in it for four minutes.
- Addison Rae, an 80-million-follower TikToker, was surprisingly cool on set despite Tim's expectations.
- Rick Hoffman from Suits and Gina Gershon, who allegedly hung out with Bill Clinton, also star in Thanksgiving.
- Patrick Dempsey, recently voted sexiest guy alive, rounds out the cast of the Sony Pictures Thanksgiving film.
Addison RaeFinn WolfhardTimothée ChalametIsraelThanksgivingEli RothGina GershonPatrick Dempsey+5 more
- 3 min
Plugging Thanksgiving, the Eli Roth Movie
#Tim promotes his role in Eli Roth's movie Thanksgiving, joking about his tiny pay and screen time, praising Addison Rae and the cast, and threatening to go on a 'war path' if he's edited out of another project. He also complains about advertisers demanding audience purity.
9moments
- Tim mentions being in another project he can't discuss and threatens a "warpath" if he's edited out of it.
- The threat would make "the Airbnb lesbians seem quaint" by comparison.
- Tim complains about supplement companies pulling ads because they can't take a joke.
- Demanding audience purity is the quickest route to bankruptcy, Tim argues.
- People listening to the show right now include those in Hamas, Tim notes.
- Some advertisers demand that everyone praising their product be morally perfect, which Tim says is self-destructive.
- Pepsi isn't responsible for monitoring whether its customers are wife-beaters or child abusers.
- Heineken isn't at fault if someone uses a bottle as a weapon.
- Purity as a business strategy leads directly to bankruptcy.
- 4 min
Tim reacts to news of Israel allowing four-hour daily pauses in Gaza fighting with dark humor about fleeing, then transitions into a Morgan & Morgan law firm sponsor read about car accident statistics and injury claims.
10moments
- Israel is now allowing four-hour pauses in fighting, which Tim says is good for naps.
- Allowing civilians to flee is nice, especially in a world where everything is about money and status.
- Tim imagines the scene: families fleeing for their lives, chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
- It's not heartless—there's something almost warm about the pause arrangement.
- Tim wonders how people know it's time to flee and whether it's presented like a surprise reality TV moment.
- People on roads are vulnerable; Tim mentions he's been in five car accidents and caused many of them.
- 35% of fatal accidents occur between 6 p.m. and midnight, setting up the Morgan & Morgan ad read.
- Morgan & Morgan: the largest injury law firm in America with over 800 lawyers and $15 billion recovered for clients.
- Morgan & Morgan doesn't collect unless you win—they've been fighting for people for over 35 years.
- Contact Morgan & Morgan at forthepeople.com slash Tim or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone.
- 2 min
Tim jokes about failing to get Eras Tour tickets for his wife before reading a Game Time app ad for last-minute event ticket deals and discounts.
2moments
- Tim tried to get Eras Tour tickets for his wife's birthday but couldn't, leading to his wife taking their children and leaving him in a legal limbo.
- He suggests the Game Time app might have solved the ticket problem that destroyed his marriage.
- 5 min
Biden, Netanyahu, and the Case for an Arab Security Force in Gaza
#Tim gives a more serious rant about the Israel-Hamas conflict, arguing against U.S. or Israeli troops policing Gaza long-term and advocating for an Arab-led security force and eventual two-state solution, while criticizing both Hamas's attack and Israel's indefinite military campaign.
7moments
- Tim acknowledges Hamas's attack was horrific and defends Israel's right to respond, while criticizing the left for excusing terrorism from non-white groups.
- The real problem: Netanyahu saying Israel will handle Gaza security while the US considers ground troops—both bad ideas.
- Tim proposes an Arab security force with Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and Jordan instead of Israeli-American occupation of Gaza.
- Netanyahu's plan for an indefinite Israeli military role in Gaza will help no one and make everyone less safe, including Jews worldwide.
- Removing Hamas doesn't solve anything—you just get a new terrorist group with a different name, like changing ISIS to ISIL.
- You have to remove the root causes and pursue a genuine two-state solution, not endless military cycles.
- The international community needs a major focus on a two-state solution now, before weapons technology makes the region permanently volatile.
Yes or yesHamasBenjamin NetanyahuGazaIsraelISISMiddle East conflictJoe Biden+3 more
- 2 min
Fleeing Families, West Nile Virus Memories, and Eric Adams' Parking Tickets
#Tim compares Gaza's four-hour fleeing windows to a nostalgic memory of his mother fleeing Long Island's West Nile virus spraying, then complains about parking tickets from the Eric Adams administration.
6moments
- Families bond when they are fleeing — Tim's mother took him and a friend on a train to escape Long Island's West Nile virus spraying.
- Tim's schizophrenic mother was paranoid about insect spraying on Long Island during the West Nile outbreak that killed a few old boomers.
- The spraying was meant to kill bugs from Africa carrying West Nile virus coming to kill Americans.
- Tim's mother grabbed him and his friend Shay, got on a train, and took them to a restaurant called Art of Pasta — a last-minute evacuation.
- Israel allowing people to flee — Tim notes the choice of that word over 'relocate' and questions who's handling their press.
- Families get a four-hour window to flee, and Tim says there's something nice about families being together during that process.
West NileLong IslandIsraelPalestiniansArt of PastaEgypt
- 9 min
The Non-Binary Indigenous DUI Traffic Stop Video
#Tim plays and reacts extensively to a viral video of a woman named 'Kai' being pulled over for drunk driving, claiming to be non-binary and Indigenous with PTSD and generational trauma to avoid a field sobriety test, riffing on fake PTSD claims and eventually her arrest and resistance.
12moments
- Tim mentions accumulating $200 in parking tickets from Eric Adams administration.
- Woke people are a patina of self-interest disguised as collective good, according to Tim.
- Wokeness elevated mediocre liberal arts graduates into diversity coordinator and sensitivity reader positions.
- Woman in the traffic stop video looks whiter than Tim, he notes.
- Tim admits he's driven drunk a lot but rarely got pulled over—the first mistake the driver made was saying 'I got changed around.'
- When pulled over now, Tim tells cops he's sober, a comedian, going 113 mph in an impressive sedan because he's 36 and hasn't treated his body well.
- Woman announces she's non-binary and indigenous, then claims generational trauma and PTSD around white people and cops.
- People now claim PTSD without tracing it to an actual event, unlike when it was reserved for veterans or trauma survivors.
- Officer is trying his hardest to use correct pronouns after the driver objects to being called 'man.'
- Tim suggests the woman should have offered to perform oral sex on the officer instead of citing generational trauma.
- Women have been lied to about being girl bosses instead of raising families, which led them away from practical tactics like offering sex to cops.
- Every visitor to Tim's Long Island home asks about the beds.
- 2 min
Tim reads a sponsor ad for Helix mattresses, plugging the Midnight Deluxe model and a sleep preference quiz, offering a discount code for listeners.
4moments
- Tim has sold three to four people on the Midnight Deluxe mattress from Helix in the last three months by recommending it from his house.
- The mattress selection process starts with a quiz that matches your sleeping preferences—firmness level, temperature sensitivity—to the right model.
- Helix is offering Tim Dillon Show listeners 20% off with code HELIXPARTNER20 at helixsleep.com/TimD.
- Owning a Helix mattress will make you the coolest person everyone knows.
- 3 min
Tim jokes darkly about hostages not wanting to leave if Hamas had Helix beds, then reads a ShipStation ad about e-commerce shipping logistics and a free trial offer.
5moments
- Tim jokes that as a hostage he wouldn't want to leave if Hamas had Helix Midnight Deluxe beds.
- E-commerce business owners should focus on customer acquisition and value creation, not shipping logistics.
- ShipStation integrates with all major carriers and provides easy order management across platforms.
- Tim emphasizes the 60-day free trial covers the biggest selling season of the year.
- Starting a company now and getting free shipping handling for two months represents an extraordinary advantage.
- 3 min
The Arrest Continues and the Death of Hipster Culture
#Tim returns to the traffic stop video as the woman resists arrest, then transitions into a riff about wokeness as a mask for self-interest, comparing it to the decline of Brooklyn hipster culture and citing a Sam Kriss essay on the subject.
6moments
- Woke politics is really just people wanting to drive drunk and not follow laws that inconvenience them.
- Tim recalls the end of hipster culture, remembering the last unicycle rider crossing the Pulaski Bridge into Greenpoint.
- Hipsters represented a time when snobbery was a religion, the last non-algorithmic attempt at telling people what is good.
- Hipsters were people who knew more bands, read theory, and dressed in thrift shop clothes like flappers from the 1920s.
- The movement ended in a clownish way when third wave people at the tail end barely understood what it was about.
- Late-stage followers claim identities they have no categorical basis for, like the woman claiming to be indigenous after getting fired up during the pandemic.
hipstersSam Chris
- 4 min
The Never Ending Story Sphinx Gate as a Gaza Metaphor
#Tim plays and narrates a clip from The Never Ending Story of a character passing through the Sphinx's gate, framing it as an absurd metaphor for Palestinians fleeing through Israeli checkpoints to eventual success in America.
9moments
- Palestinian families fleeing compared to the opening scene of The Never-Ending Story.
- Tim sets up the Sphinx gate scene: the main character must pass through confidently or face consequences.
- The metaphor: sphinxes are Israel, the young man is Palestinian, and he must navigate the gate.
- If you feel self-doubt, the sphinx's eyes open—Tim frames Israel's gate as a test of confidence.
- Palestinians who went before him fled; Israel tells them just to go through the gate to reclaim their house.
- Don't look down—that's PTSD, Tim jokes as the character attempts the passage.
- Tim escalates the bit: if you make it through, HBO gives you a comedy special, New York Times bestseller.
- Run, run—Ron Carmichael's producing, Tim urges as the bit reaches its climax.
- The Screen Actors Guild will enjoy the successful journey through the gate.
IsraelAmy SchumerRon CarmichaelThe Never-Ending Story
- 3 min
The Business Will Get Smaller: Post-Strike Reality Check
#Tim warns fans celebrating the end of the SAG strike that the industry will shrink, fewer shows will be made, and AI will only get stronger in future contract negotiations, while thanking supporters and plugging his upcoming book after dropping his old publisher.
6moments
- Tim tells people messaging him about the strike being over that they've never actually worked in their life.
- The entertainment business will come back much smaller after the strike—fewer shows will be made and the herd will thin.
- People celebrating the SAG agreement will likely make no more money in the next year and will still have to leave the business.
- When AI becomes really good, studios might refuse to negotiate new contracts at all in three years.
- Tim emphasizes the importance of supporting the show through Patreon, live events, and his film projects since relying on any one thing is bad.
- He and his team fired their publisher because they felt the company was evil and demonic, and they only want to work with people on the side of light.
SAGWGAScreen Actors GuildArtificial IntelligenceThanksgiving
- 2 min
Tim reads a BlueChew sponsor ad about chewable erectile dysfunction medication, joking about holiday sex and offering a promo code.
4moments
- Tim signed a book deal with a Hobbit-like fellow who got removed from the project, leaving him to deal with other people and go independently
- Nothing better at Thanksgiving than a hard penis, and BlueChew makes it possible
- BlueChew has the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis but costs a fraction of the price, ships discreetly, no doctor required
- Tim loves BlueChew not just for sex but for waking up in the middle of the night to check out your hard penis
- 3 min
Tim reflects briefly on starting comedy in 2010 and selling out Carnegie Hall, then runs through an extensive list of upcoming tour dates across North America and plugs his YouTube and social channels.
7moments
- Carnegie Hall sold out.
- Tim started comedy in late 2010.
- Toronto tickets are moving fast at Meridian Hall.
- Tour dates announced: Houston, San Diego, Detroit, Austin, Brea on New Year's Eve, and more through May.
- If Austin's mothership is sold out, go 45 minutes to San Antonio instead.
- Go to TimDillonComedy.com for all tickets.
- Death by Boomers coming soon with Addison Rae, Patrick Dempsey, and Gina Gershon.
Carnegie HallMeridian HallWarner TheaterMatty LaneAddison RaeGina GershonPatrick Dempsey
- 1 min
Closing Riff: Thanksgiving Cast Rundown and Tarantino Screening Joke
#Tim closes by listing the Thanksgiving cast again, joking about his $38 paycheck, and ending with a dark joke about a secret Tarantino theater screening showing footage of a hospital bombing.
2moments
- Tim claims he's the star of a movie, paid $38 for a three-minute part.
- Thanksgiving is screening at Quentin Tarantino's theater, and they get to watch a secret angle of Israel bombing a hospital beforehand.