Episode 336 · Post-Ben
The Tim Dillon Show #336
Mar 3, 2023 · 58:41 · 410,000 views · 14 segments, 94 moments indexed
Tim mourns the end of Lori Lightfoot's reign over Chicago, he praises McDonald's latest celebrity meal all the while a new LAPD proposal has him eyeing Florida.
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- 2 min
Tim promotes Box of Awesome subscription boxes, riffing on the surprise nature of the boxes and joking that one box he received contained hair and a vial of blood.
3moments
- Box of Awesome's quiz determines personalized monthly boxes with items from small American brands.
- Tim describes the appeal: each box is a surprise with random items—outdoor gear, drink supplies, fishing or boating equipment.
- One of Tim's boxes contained just hair and a vial of blood, exemplifying the unpredictable nature of the subscription.
- 2 min
Mourning Lori Lightfoot's Chicago Mayoral Loss
#Tim opens the show in mock mourning over Lori Lightfoot losing re-election as Chicago mayor, praising her as a chaotic, petty, vindictive villain-like figure who presided over a huge spike in crime and murders.
5moments
- Tim opens by saying he's in mourning over the loss of a legend who has meant a lot to the show and inspired millions.
- He calls it a sad day in America, but especially in Chicago, because they've lost an advocate for chaos.
- Lori Lightfoot's reign in Chicago came to symbolize chaos like a Batman or Dick Tracy villain presiding over mind-blowing crime increases.
- She was petty and vindictive—went to war with limo companies, wrote bad Yelp reviews, was nasty to employees.
- Tim says he never thought of her sexuality or race, only the true spirit of Lori Lightfoot, which is a spirit of chaos.
- 13 min
Lori Lightfoot Video Montage: Crime, Vaccine Threats, and Press Meltdowns
#Tim narrates a montage of Lightfoot clips—celebrating record murder rates, threatening jail for vaccine refusal, the Halloween "Rona Destroyer" costume, her rambling concession speech, and her combative press conference exchange with a reporter over crime stats.
10moments
- Tim notes Lori Lightfoot celebrating Chicago having the highest murder rate in the country.
- Chicago recorded 797 homicides in 2021, roughly three people a day, 25 more than the previous year.
- Lightfoot went wild with vaccine enforcement, threatening to jail people who refused vaccination with language resembling a mob boss.
- Video: Lightfoot declares they will arrest and jail those who violate pandemic rules, vowing nothing ambiguous about enforcement.
- Lightfoot dressed as the Rona Destroyer in cape and mask at a Halloween press conference about Chicago trick-or-treating rules.
- Tim observes Lightfoot seeming absent from her own body during her concession speech after losing the mayoral election.
- In defeat, Lightfoot claims credit for removing record numbers of guns from streets and reducing homicides, contradicting the actual data.
- A journalist confronts Lightfoot with facts about crime and business exodus; she simply refuses to answer, saying she disagrees with his assessment.
- Lightfoot screams at a reporter during a press conference when questioned about violent crime and her lack of a plan to combat it.
- Reporter details a teenager shot in the head on the lakefront; Lightfoot cuts him off and Tim compares her demeanor to the Penguin running Gotham City.
- 5 min
Lori Lightfoot's Legacy as a Petty, Lying Tyrant
#Tim continues eulogizing Lightfoot, recalling her vendetta against a limo company over a fabricated bathroom incident, her weird breathy voice, her disastrous 17.1% vote share, her balloon pants and Leprechaun-in-the-Hood fashion comparisons, and comparing her to Batman villains like the Penguin.
10moments
- Lightfoot symbolized a politician who didn't even try to lie in a way that would make citizens feel comfortable.
- Tim admires petty people and recalls Lightfoot fabricating a story about a limo driver using her bathroom, which the company disproved with camera footage.
- Her obvious disdain for anyone mentioning facts about Chicago's crime and murders — dismissing it all as propaganda.
- Lightfoot's strange breathy voice seemed like her body was shutting down some of the lies she was trying to tell.
- She got 16 percent of the vote in her reelection bid — actually 17.1 percent, and Tim wonders who those voters were.
- Even her name is amazing — Lori Lightfoot, perfect alliteration.
- She dressed like a gangster and epitomized the look, and she actually was a gangster in her conduct.
- A petty, vindictive tyrant who fought tiny battles with her inner circle instead of focusing on things that could help people.
- What made her special was how bad she was at concealing her corruption — almost no desire to conceal it at all.
- She was like a kid showing up to class with no homework and no lie prepared, just staring blankly at the teacher.
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Fume, a non-electronic flavored inhaler device meant to replace bad habits like vaping, joking about cutting off skeptical friends after using it.
4moments
- Fume is the sponsor—a natural diffusive device using plants and behavioral science to replace bad habits with positive ones.
- Tim says he didn't expect to like the look, feel, and taste all three, but he does.
- Tim knows how well Fume works and urges listeners to visit trifum.com with code Tim for a discount.
- Use code Tim at trifum.com to save an additional 10% off—get the journey pack with three flavors and version two of the device.
- 2 min
Tim promotes Magic Spoon low-sugar, high-protein cereal, listing flavors and joking about a friend who lost 300 pounds eating it.
5moments
- Tim lists Magic Spoon's nutritional specs: 13-14 grams of protein, 4-5 net carbs, 140 calories, keto-friendly and gluten-free.
- His favorite flavors include cocoa, fruity, frosted peanut butter, and he mentions birthday cake returning as a permanent flavor.
- Tim describes his first Magic Spoon experience: he couldn't believe cereal could taste like sugar cereal but be healthy.
- He wondered if he died and went to heaven after tasting Magic Spoon—cereal that tastes indulgent but isn't unhealthy.
- A friend of his was overweight, ate Magic Spoon daily, lost 300 pounds, and now weighs 16 pounds and looks phenomenal.
- 10 min
Tim dives into franchisee backlash against McDonald's celebrity meal with Cardi B and Offset over their lyrics, arguing McDonald's core customers are desperate, poor, and violent and wouldn't care, riffing on McDonald's fight compilations, the brand's real demographics, and mocking franchisees' faux moral outrage.
12moments
- McDonald's franchisees are upset about the Cardi B and Offset meal, concerned about the rappers' values and public image.
- Tim points out that McDonald's core customers are young people who idolize rappers, so the partnership makes obvious sense.
- He describes a scenario where kids beat someone senseless at McDonald's, then come back hungry for the Cardi B meal afterward.
- The meal is a Valentine's Day bundle: classic cheeseburger with barbecue sauce, large Coke, quarter pounder with cheese, and Hi-C orange.
- Tim argues that people eating at McDonald's don't care about moral concerns—they have no real choices and aren't offended by rappers.
- He recalls a woman named Marianne who managed McDonald's for 40 years while raising five kids on near-poverty wages.
- McDonald's poisons people with sugar and fat, yet franchisees obsess over rapper associations while ignoring the meal's deadly calorie and sugar content.
- McDonald's corporate pushed back on criticism, noting the collaboration was generating excitement and support among franchisees overall.
- Franchisees are specifically mad about Cardi B's 'Wet Ass Pussy' song, showing they don't understand their actual customer base.
- McDonald's caters to people with problems and no alternatives—it's where desperate people with no hope eat, not a wholesome family brand.
- He shows McDonald's fight compilations to illustrate the actual brand image franchisees claim to protect, which contradicts their moral complaints.
- The franchisees' concern reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of who eats at their restaurants and why they're there in the first place.
- 1 min
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Morgan & Morgan injury law firm, referencing his own history of totaling five cars and explaining how people can sue insurance companies after accidents.
6moments
- Tim has totaled five cars in multiple accidents.
- Tim questions whether insurance actually handles injured parties fairly or forces them to sue.
- You don't need a lot of money to hire a lawyer for an injury case.
- Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm with over 100 offices and 800 lawyers nationwide.
- The firm has recovered over 15 billion dollars for clients with a proven track record.
- Morgan and Morgan's fee is free unless they win the case.
- 3 min
Florida vs. California: Alligator Attack and Crime Comparison
#Tim contrasts a promotional Florida lifestyle video (interrupted by a graphic story of an elderly woman killed by an alligator) with LA's crime and homelessness, joking about moving to Florida despite its horrors.
4moments
- Florida pitch includes zero taxes and beautiful climate, immediately undercut by horrifying video of alligator attacking an 85-year-old grandmother by a lake
- Tim notes LA cops aren't coming anymore, considers it a positive development for the state
- Tim declares he'll move to Florida, describing LA's current conditions: hailing, snowing, homeless people smearing blood on windows
- Contrast between LA crime (robbing people in broad daylight, armed carjackings) and Florida's reptile-based dangers
- 8 min
Tim reads through a list of non-violent and low-priority calls LAPD will no longer respond to (mental health calls, dead bodies with no foul play, syringe disposal, public defecation, etc.), riffing on the absurdity of each category and tying it back to Gavin Newsom's unpopular presidential ambitions.
12moments
- Tim reviews LAPD's new list of calls they won't respond to, which includes homeless quality-of-life issues and non-violent mental health crises.
- Sending cops to reason with a violent schizophrenic is presented as the obvious alternative to not sending them at all.
- Parent at a park with kids calls about a heavily drugged homeless man, and cops say 'have a nice day.'
- LAPD won't respond to non-fatal vehicle accidents, parking violations, or abandoned vehicles.
- Trespassing complaints with no indication of danger aren't police priority, even if someone just wants to see Taylor Swift's yard.
- Syringe disposal calls get no police response—someone dumping needles in your yard gets told to shut up.
- Possible dead bodies with no indication of foul play: leave the body there, don't involve the police.
- Tim pivots to Gavin Newsom supposedly running for president while California is a national embarrassment everyone hates.
- Unarmed response protocols are justified as helping police focus on real emergencies, but Tim argues some situations need armed officers to prevent escalation.
- Lori Lightfoot made the chaos of being Chicago's mayor entertaining; Gavin Newsom doesn't even make his incompetence fun.
- Tim imagines Lori Lightfoot on a lesbian cruise playing shuffleboard, someone asking what she did, and her saying she was the criminal mayor of Chicago.
- Tim concludes that maybe ignoring dead bodies in Los Angeles will somehow work out, but he has no confidence in the approach.
- 4 min
Pacific Northwest Homelessness and West Coast Dysfunction
#Tim describes a recent trip to the Pacific Northwest, riffing on tent cities, drug use, and locals' resigned acceptance of urban decay, arguing people there seem to have chosen and even enjoy the chaos, tying it back to the McDonald's/Cardi B controversy as trivial by comparison.
10moments
- Tim spent time in the Pacific Northwest recently and observed it's insane, with something distinctly off about West Coast people.
- Lack of vitamin D in northern regions might explain why West Coasters seem different from their SoCal counterparts.
- Pacific Northwest cities feature endless tent cities, mentally unstable people in streets, and downtowns overrun with crime and disorder.
- Tim compares West Coast residents' tolerance for urban chaos to kink-shaming—if they're into psychopaths running downtown, that's their thing.
- Local residents claim conditions are improving when a few tents get removed, even as crazy people continue running through streets.
- When police try to move homeless encampments, advocates argue the people shouldn't lose their belongings, even when they run into traffic.
- Tim's frustration escalates: instead of abstract arguments about complexity, he sees someone shooting heroin and attacking a woman in real time.
- Every practical concern about immediate danger gets deflected with explanations about late-stage capitalism and systemic inequality.
- Tim suggests people should just give up on reform and accept either chaos or move to a right-wing nightmare with bans and theocracy.
- The real concern for McDonald's franchisees isn't urban homelessness—it's competing with celebrity meal collaborations.
Cardi BPacific Northwesthomelessness and urban decayWest CoastSoCal
- 3 min
Tim runs through his upcoming stand-up tour dates across multiple cities including Oklahoma City, Palm Beach, Napa, Raleigh, and more, with a brief riff on Palm Beach old money vs. new money conflict.
8moments
- McDonald's employees selling Percocet in the parking lot are going to be offended by a song lyric
- People are giving birth in McDonald's bathrooms, and those are your employees
- Tour dates: Oklahoma City March 9-11, Palm Beach Florida
- Old money Palm Beach women in Lilly Pulitzer are fighting with New York money lesbian newcomers in all black
- St. Patrick's Day show in Napa California, rescheduled from flooding
- April tour dates: Prior Lake Minnesota, Grand Rapids Michigan, New Jersey shows, and others through late April
- Tim didn't mean anything he said about the West Coast, but some people coming to his shows might agree
- McDonald's should create the most controversial meals, like a Kanye West or Kyle Rittenhouse meal
Palm Beach, FloridaMcDonald'sKanye WestKyle RittenhouseCardi BOffset
- 2 min
Pitching the Kyle Rittenhouse McDonald's Meal
#Tim closes by proposing McDonald's create a controversial "Kyle Rittenhouse meal" (Big Mac, cheese curds, McFlurry) to match the Cardi B meal, joking about McDonald's true demographics of inner-city youth and white trash before signing off.
4moments
- Kyle Rittenhouse McDonald's meal: Big Mac, cheese curds, and a McFlurry because he's from Wisconsin and 'a little bit of a porker.'
- McDonald's should create two meals targeting their actual customer base: one for inner-city youth and one for white trash.
- Real McDonald's experience isn't a wholesome family dinner—it's a single mother beating her kid while telling him to eat.
- Tim plans to tweet at McDonald's proposing they launch a Kyle Rittenhouse meal.