Episode 382 · The Studio Revamp
Leave It Online | The Tim Dillon Show #382
Feb 22, 2024 · 1:05:50 · 467,000 views · 15 segments, 97 moments indexed
Tim touches on the death of Alexei Navalny, Wikifeet, California real estate, the friendship recession, ‘looksmaxxing' and why we need more internet.
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- 4 min
Royal Albert Hall, European Tour Dates, and the Worst Italian Restaurant in Glasgow
#Tim promotes his upcoming Royal Albert Hall show and UK aristocracy reserved tickets, then runs through other European tour stops (Manchester, Belfast, Glasgow, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Helsinki, Dublin), including a story about the worst Italian restaurant (Shugo) he and Sam Tallent ate at in Glasgow.
5moments
- Tim announces Royal Albert Hall show in London with ticket details and promo code.
- The venue reserves certain tickets for aristocracy—Lords and Ladies—a class distinction nobody in England complains about.
- European tour includes Manchester, Belfast, Glasgow, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Helsinki, and Dublin.
- Tim recounts dining at an Italian restaurant in Glasgow with Sam Talent that was catastrophically bad despite being the local recommendation.
- The restaurant was so terrible Tim refuses to name it, though he can't resist letting listeners look it up and judge for themselves.
- 12 min
Alexei Navalny vs. Julian Assange: America's Selective Outrage
#Tim sarcastically frames Navalny's death as a Big Brother Russia storyline, then contrasts the media's outrage over Navalny with the near-total silence about Julian Assange's imprisonment, detailing what Wikileaks actually exposed and mocking pundits like Bari Weiss and Sam Harris for their moral clarity.
10moments
- Tim introduces Alexei Navalny as a reality TV star and Big Brother cast member before admitting the joke and explaining he was actually an opposition leader in Russia.
- Navalny was poisoned, and his widow Julia vows to continue his work while America expresses outrage at the treatment of a political prisoner.
- Tim claims the United States would never punish someone for leaking uncomfortable things about the government, establishing the premise he'll undermine.
- Barry Weiss and Sam Harris worry about moral confusion between good and bad guys, but Tim insists he knows the difference perfectly.
- Navalny exposed corruption by flying drones over oligarchs' mansions and Putin's Palace, doing in Russia what Americans do with the reality show Selling Sunset.
- Julian Assange has been destroyed mentally and physically for the last decade while nobody talks about it, unlike the flood of posts about Navalny.
- Assange was charged under a revived 100-year-old Espionage Act, held in high-security prison since 2019 after years in the Ecuadorian Embassy, with family and journalists reporting his visible deterioration.
- Tim distinguishes Navalny as a freedom fighter deserving punishment for those responsible, while calling Assange's leak of government secrets 'just a problem.'
- Anyone fighting for freedom in Russia is automatically a hero to Tim, whereas leaking CIA activities is presented as inherently problematic.
- Tim celebrates living in a country with moral clarity, thanking Barry Weiss and Sam Harris for their guidance while remaining oblivious to the contradiction.
Alexei NavalnyJulian AssangeCIAWikiLeaksBari WeissChelsea ManningHillary ClintonGuantanamo Bay+7 more
- 5 min
Selling His California House Amid Mudslides and Car Break-ins
#Tim pitches his Los Angeles house for sale with heavy sarcasm about California's decline, mudslides taking out the road, amateur car thieves caught on his Ring camera, and the stunning view of gas stations and strip malls.
8moments
- Tim claims he now understands why Alexei Navalny was a heroic freedom fighter while Julian Assange deserves continued imprisonment.
- Rob Report exposed the price of his California house online, and Tim demands they be sent to polar wolf prison for the privacy violation.
- Tim pitches California real estate as a solid investment opportunity, claiming the state is on the rise.
- He's selling the house because political leaders are too smart, the weather is too good, and he's too happy there.
- The property sits next to a mudslide that destroyed Malibu Drive and cut off access to the house.
- Tim argues mudslides are actually beautiful and offer a spiritual moment to pause and reconnect with the earth.
- He needs a sucker to buy the house—someone who wants to be part of the City of Angels despite all the problems.
- Tim admits the house probably won't sell and he'll be stuck with it for years, though maybe someone will bite while the getting's good.
Julian AssangeAlexei NavalnyLos AngelesRob Report
- 3 min
Housing Bit Closes Out, Into Injury Lawyer Money Talk
#He wraps up the house-selling riff about a fixer-upper state of California, then transitions into a bit about thinking of money the instant you're injured, setting up the ad.
6moments
- Tim pitches buying his California house as a fixer-upper—except the state itself is what needs hammering.
- Car thieves outside his home are captured on ring camera looking conflicted and amateurish, which is more entertaining to watch.
- The view from the house overlooks lit-up Jack in the Boxes and porn mansions where TikTokers now jump on trampolines.
- Tim's investment thesis: LA is a low stock right now, and he's telling people to get in.
- If you're injured by a person, place, or thing, you deserve to get paid—and the first thing you should think about is money.
- Not calling a lawyer after an accident means leaving money on the table.
- 1 min
Sponsor read for Morgan and Morgan, America's largest injury law firm, touting their track record and fee-free-unless-they-win model.
1moment
- Morgan and Morgan injury law advertisement: permanent limp could be worth millions, largest injury law firm in America with 100 offices and over 1,000 lawyers, $20 billion recovered for 500,000 clients.
- 2 min
Ad for Factor meals emphasizing dietary variety and delivery flexibility, which Tim riffs into a joke about hitting his old meal delivery person with his car for lack of flexibility.
3moments
- Tim's previous meal delivery service in California wouldn't give him flexibility, forcing him to end the relationship.
- He sometimes hit the delivery person with his car or chased them down the street depending on his mood.
- Some days he'd thank them for meals, other days he'd send pit bulls after them to demonstrate flexibility.
- 5 min
Discussing the friendship recession and rising teen depression, Tim covers the story of Kendra Licari, a Michigan mother facing charges for anonymously cyberbullying her own daughter, and jokes that maybe she was preparing her daughter for the internet.
9moments
- Socializing rates have plummeted more than 50% for all age demographics as people prefer being online.
- Teen depression is skyrocketing because they're constantly receiving instant feedback about themselves on the internet.
- A Michigan mother was arrested for cyberbullying her own daughter with a fake identity to toughen her up.
- Tim argues that if you want kids tough enough to withstand bullying, parents might need to rough them up online first.
- Kendra Lari faced five charges for stalking a minor, but Tim questions whether she was actually preparing her daughter to survive online criticism.
- Teen depression may be skyrocketing because teenagers lack the thick skin needed to handle what's said about them on the internet.
- Tim suggests the first thing parents should do when giving a child a phone is text them insults from another number to build resilience.
- Derek Thompson's Atlantic article examines why Americans have stopped hanging out and suddenly became less social.
- Something changed in the past few decades as American associational dynamism declined and people moved less.
Kendra Lariteen depressionDerek Thompsonfatbat friendship recessions
- 12 min
Riffing on a Derek Thompson Atlantic article about the decline of American socializing, Tim argues QAnon actually solved loneliness by giving bored people a shared purpose and community, then pivots to mocking real-world gatherings like furry conventions, diaper fetish spas, and fat conventions as proof hanging out is worse than staying online.
14moments
- Tim argues that QAnon, despite being problematic, actually solved the loneliness crisis by giving people a shared purpose and a reason to gather.
- Adults need something to do to hang out together; QAnon provided puzzle-solving and meetups that kept people engaged.
- The contradiction: critics can't simultaneously complain people are lonely and then condemn them as a violent mob when they do gather.
- QAnon appealed to bored workers by offering an elaborate conspiracy about government tunnels, adrenochrome, and celebrity body doubles.
- People organized meetups and caravans around the QAnon narrative, building real friendships through the movement despite its falsity.
- Whatever gets people hanging out again will start online; you can't expect strangers to connect based on proximity alone.
- Many people formed lasting friendships through the QAnon movement, regardless of whether the claims were true.
- The same media figures who promoted lockdowns are now asking why everyone is lonely and why teenage depression has skyrocketed.
- Influencers aren't living better lives; they're monetizing fake interactions while experiencing the same loneliness as everyone else.
- Every time large groups gather in public, the result is either furry conventions, neo-Nazi rallies, or diaper fetish meetups—never anything normal.
- The isolated, digital life critics despise might actually be preferable to the alternatives when people do venture out and congregate.
- The 'pod life'—staying home, ordering delivery, avoiding physical communities—may be better than the deranged conventions people actually attend.
- All public gathering is inherently embarrassing now; the internet offers a less humiliating way for people to connect.
- Tim concludes: people should stay online; more internet, not less, is the solution to modern social dysfunction.
QAnonBowling AloneRobert PutnamNetflixJFK Jr.NBCDisney WorldGuantanamo Bay+2 more
- 5 min
Paying $3,000 to a Girl He Called Fat, and DoorDash No-Contact Delivery as Ideal Friendship
#Tim tells a story about paying for a former classmate's dental work after calling her fat in high school, then argues DoorDash's contactless photo-of-the-bag delivery is basically all the friendship anyone needs.
7moments
- Tim argues people should stay online and stop leaving their homes, where real-world interactions only create fodder for stories.
- A 43-year-old twice-divorced woman dressing as Hermione for a Baltimore bar crawl exemplifies the desperation of people seeking friends.
- Tim paid $3,000 to a girl he called fat at his high school reunion—she got her eyebrows tattooed instead of fixing her teeth.
- DoorDash no-contact delivery represents the ideal friendship: the driver leaves food outside, takes a photo, and vanishes.
- A brief back-and-forth with a DoorDash driver about shaving cream is the extent of acceptable human interaction.
- Friendship looked better in John Hughes movies than it does now.
- The musical Rent was the last time American friendship seemed appealing—everyone had AIDS and heroin, and that created genuine connection.
- 3 min
Tim reacts to news stories about teens 'looksmaxing' with jaw exercises, whitemaxing creams, edgemaxing, and bonesmashing, and jokes that plastic surgery should be made cheap and available to children so they don't hurt themselves at home.
6moments
- Tim recounts showing a house where a realtor wanted $8 million for what he considered a dump.
- Looks-maxing explained: teens drastically altering their appearance to look as good as possible.
- Tim argues for legalizing plastic surgery for young children so they have every advantage.
- He describes seeing people with poorly done noses and endorsing cosmetic work as a life strategy.
- Variant looks-maxing methods include whitening creams, edge-maxing through sexual restraint, and bone-smashing with hammers to appear more masculine.
- Tim contends that if plastic surgery isn't made safe and legal for kids, they'll do it themselves with hammers and household items.
bone smashinglooks maxing
- 5 min
Tim mocks a viral clip of Tiffany Haddish being interviewed about kosher pickles at a pro-Israel event, questioning when and how she became a prominent Jewish spokesperson and mocking her pickle-and-Kool-Aid-powder answer.
8moments
- Tim argues people should get plastic surgery if they can afford it, including for their children.
- Organizations are promoting Tiffany Haddish as the top Jewish celebrity.
- Interview shows Tiffany Haddish requested kosher pickles backstage.
- Tim questions when and why Tiffany Haddish was told she was Jewish.
- Tiffany Haddish admits she's Irish Catholic and barely knows her own religion, then fails basic Hanukkah questions.
- Tim's mother used to dip pickles in Kool-Aid powder for skin care.
- Tim insists dipping pickles in Kool-Aid powder is not a Jewish practice.
- Noah Tishby's reaction suggests the Kool-Aid pickle dip is something Hamas does.
Tiffany HadishNoah Tishby
- 1 min
Ad for ExpressVPN, tying it back to the Navalny bit by joking he died because he didn't use a VPN, and pitching the service for streaming and privacy.
3moments
- Navalny didn't use ExpressVPN, which encrypts your traffic so no one knows about your AEM Cinema and PornHub habits.
- Tim's audience are opposition figures like Navalny—historic and important—so they need a VPN not just for porn but for actual security.
- ExpressVPN works on all devices and lets you watch anything from Netflix to OnlyFans without the world knowing, which is why Tim loves it.
- 2 min
Inviting Prince Andrew to Royal Albert Hall
#Tim jokes about wanting British royals like Prince Harry, Princess Eugenie, and especially Prince Andrew to attend his Royal Albert Hall show, promising Andrew a warm, cancel-culture-free welcome.
4moments
- Tim urges listeners to buy tickets to his Royal Albert Hall show, calling them idiots if they haven't.
- Tim invites Prince Andrew specifically, guaranteeing there's a seat for him and promising to tell him cancel culture has no home at the show.
- People are actually happy about migrants moving in with them because they need help around the house, Tim notes.
- The migrant crisis is essentially like the premise of Mr. Belvedere, with migrants playing the role of helpful household staff.
Royal Albert HallPrince AndrewPrince HarryMr. BelvederePrincess Eugenie
- 4 min
Tim plays a news clip about a Brookline, Massachusetts woman hosting a Haitian migrant family who now cook and clean for her, comparing it explicitly to the sitcom Mr. Belvedere and to historical indentured servitude/slavery dynamics.
9moments
- The migrant crisis blueprint works because Mr. Belvedere showed us that wealthy people can live good lives with live-in help.
- Lisa Hillen Brand welcomes migrants into her Brooklyn apartment and stops doing household work entirely.
- Tim notes the real purpose of the migrant crisis is to make white women do less than they already do.
- Wand, the migrant, loves cooking and wants to open his own restaurant.
- The migrants have work permits and take English classes while performing all domestic labor for their host.
- Tim expresses happiness for Lisa and her new indentured servants helping her avoid the couch.
- The arrangement described: foreigners live on your property, do everything you want, and fear you because they could be deported.
- Tim notices the historical parallel—Haitian migrants working for a white Boston woman under threat of deportation—but can't quite name it.
- Tim pretends he can't remember the term for this arrangement, letting the implication hang.
Lisa Hillen BrandHaiti
- 1 min
Tim runs through upcoming shows in Schaumburg, Illinois, Daytona Beach, and Florida theaters, plugs his LA house sale one more time, and signs off.
4moments
- Tim releases the European tour late this week to give it the full marketing push it deserves.
- Shamburg, Illinois shows this weekend are pretty much sold out, but some tickets remain and club dates are happening.
- Tim says doing shows by his house in LA is a good deal, and insists LA's best days are ahead of it.
- He tells listeners to watch the 1997 Oscars to get revved up before coming to see the house.