rant · moment 11 of 16
Long Island Lunch with Dad's In-Laws and Chelsea Handler's Espionage Expertise
from Episode 150 - Your Thoughts Have No Value (with Luke Touma) · #150
3 min
Tim recounts arguing about taxes with his dad's lawyer in-law at a Long Island lunch, riffing on inheriting a cottage and mortality, then mocking Chelsea Handler positioning herself as a political/espionage expert.
- Tim did an open mic on Long Island with his dad, his dad's wife, and her parents.
- Dad's in-law—a lawyer who argued before the Supreme Court—starts lecturing about tax grievances while Tim checks his phone.
- Tim hits back, dismissing Long Island tax complaints, and the lawyer insists they're actually trying to help Black people.
- Story about a previous Long Island gig: they performed for a room full of 90-year-olds, Tim's dad's friends, all clearly ready to die.
- Tim's dad is 67 and done—only cares about dogs and wine, has no patience for anything else.
- Dad's wife says Tim will own their new Long Island cottage one day, forcing him to immediately calculate when they'll die.
- Tim jokes he's not being a dick, but how many more holidays until he gets the cottage.
- Tim messaged a comedian friend asking about open mics on Long Island; the answer is always no unless it's a big name.
- Chelsea Handler runs healthcare town halls and talks about policy after a decade of talking about getting railed.