Episode 410 · The Studio Revamp
Diddy Freak Offs & The Costco Family | The Tim Dillon Show #410
Sep 21, 2024 · 1:02:45 · 964,000 views · 18 segments, 98 moments indexed
Tim examines Diddy’s arrest, exploding pagers in the Middle East, another attempt on Trump’s life, Venezuelans in Colorado, minivans, Biden in a MAGA hat and what comes after the Costco family.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: Netflix Trailer Thanks and P Diddy Intro
#Tim thanks fans for sharing the trailer for his Netflix show 'This Is Your Country,' out October 1st, then pivots to talk about P Diddy's incarceration in Brooklyn.
2moments
- Tim thanks everyone for sharing the Netflix trailer for This Is Your Country, his reimagining of a 9s trash TV show as host
- The show premieres October 1st
This Is Your CountryDiddyFriend of the show
- 2 min
Diddy's Freak Offs and the Girl From School
#Tim recounts a girl he went to school with who scrubbed her Instagram after being close to Diddy, then details the court documents about the freak offs, baby oil, blackmail recordings, and IV deliveries, plus Diddy's suspicious last day of freedom in Central Park.
6moments
- Tim mentions a girl from school who was very close with Diddy and scrubbed her entire Instagram in the last couple days.
- Diddy is accused of holding freak offs with male prostitutes according to court documents, with high-ranking supervisors and security arranging them.
- Court documents allege Diddy forced people to perform sex acts, with over a thousand bottles of baby oil and lube found during raids.
- Diddy allegedly made embarrassing recordings of women which he used as blackmail, while his team scheduled IV drips after day-long freak offs for recovery.
- Diddy tracked women's locations and kept records of their medical information as part of the alleged scheme.
- Tim notes that Diddy was filmed in Central Park just hours before his arrest, just having fun on the last day of his freedom.
- 3 min
Tim predicts Diddy will be silenced before he can name names, comparing it to an 'exploding dildo' scenario, then transitions into the real story of Israel allegedly hacking and exploding Hezbollah pagers, calling the whole geopolitical moment slapstick like the Marx Brothers.
6moments
- Tim predicts Diddy will be killed in prison to prevent him from testifying about high-profile attendees at his parties.
- His actual forecast: Diddy will become depressed and take his own life rather than face cooperation with authorities.
- Alternative theory—Diddy's cell phone could explode, citing the absurdity of modern assassination methods.
- The current geopolitical moment has devolved into Marx Brothers-level slapstick, with exploding devices as the assassination tool of choice.
- Israel has allegedly hacked or planted bombs in pagers and cell phones across Lebanon, detonating them to target Hezbollah.
- America's official posture on the exploding pagers: we're still collecting information on how that works.
- 1 min
A short musical interlude with applause.
- 3 min
Tim discusses Israel's cyber unit 8200, Hezbollah's exploding pagers and walkie-talkies from a Taiwanese company, and questions how such a skilled intelligence unit missed October 7th.
6moments
- Israel has the element of surprise but won't stop escalating; the Middle East is a tinderbox and Hezbollah's calling it a declaration of war.
- Tim didn't know Israel could do this, didn't know pagers could explode, treats the whole situation as a real Black Mirror episode unfolding daily.
- Unit 8200 is Israel's secretive cyber security division composed of 18 to 21-year-old hackers responsible for clandestine operations like the pager explosions.
- If Israel can pull off exploding devices on this scale, they could absolutely eliminate P. Diddy with an exploding dildo and he wouldn't face trial.
- Tim questions how Hamas managed to surprise Israel on October 7th if Unit 8200 is supposedly so competent at cyber operations and intelligence.
- Explosive devices were implanted in beepers that Hezbollah ordered from a Taiwanese company, according to American officials briefed on the operation.
- 1 min
Tim comments on the produce in a grocery store video, notes casualty figures from the walkie-talkie explosions, and segues into mentioning his grandmother's recent death and funeral.
4moments
- Tim comments on the produce selection looking nice at what appears to be a market or store.
- Tim questions whether this is what a war ending looks like, noting that hacking smartphones and beepers to blow things up is not typical pre-war-end activity.
- Lebanese Health Ministry reports at least nine dead and 300 injured in walkie-talkie explosions.
- The blast occurred amid a crowd attending a funeral for Hezbollah fighters in southern Lebanon.
- 6 min
Tim details the Ryan Ralph assassination attempt on Trump at his Palm Beach golf course, the man's Ukraine war motivations, and the bizarre South Park quote his son gave to the Daily Mail after learning about the attempt.
8moments
- Ryan Ralph arrested in Palm Beach after sticking an assault rifle through the fence while Trump was golfing, inspired by the Ukraine war.
- Tim notes Ralph's rifle barrel emerging from bushes like a scene from Caddyshack, describing it as a weird and strange thing.
- Ralph's son Orin gave quotes to the Daily Mail describing his father as a loving, caring, hardworking man with only traffic tickets.
- Orin claims he didn't know his father was in Florida and says they had a falling out and grown apart.
- The son then starts quoting South Park after learning his father tried to assassinate the president, saying every four years we vote for a douchebag or a turd sandwich.
- Tim: imagine being told your father just tried to assassinate the president and then complaining that voters are exhausted and embarrassed by candidates.
- Orin's full rant includes the line 'if my father wants to be a martyr to how broken and disassociated the process has become, that's his choice.'
- The son is typing this manifesto to the Daily Mail while his father is trying to assassinate the president—essentially doing a podcast rant instead of dealing with the actual situation.
Ryan RalphDonald TrumpOrin RalphSouth ParkDaily MailUkraine
- 4 min
Tim watches Ryan Ralph's crazy interviews about Ukraine, mocks the CIA's apparent incompetence in using such an unstable operative, and highlights CBS News' year-long correspondence with him including a song he sent them.
6moments
- Tim argues that news organizations are so blinded by anti-Trump ideology they can no longer recognize Ryan Ralph as a psychopath.
- Tim wonders if the CIA has become so bad at everything that it's just grabbing anyone off the street, sending them to Ukraine like a hotel that sucks.
- Lee Harvey Oswald was a better class of operative than whatever the CIA sent to Ukraine.
- Ralph filed off the serial number on his gun and faces maximum charges on multiple counts.
- CBS News correspondent Holly Williams was in contact with Ralph for over a year and found him sincere but somewhat naive.
- Tim concludes Ralph is a complete lunatic who was sending songs to CBS News employees.
- 3 min
Tim imagines Ryan Ralph pitching a Bruno Mars/Bono collab Ukraine song, riffs on fake lyrics, then reports Diddy was denied bail, theorizing it's because they want him killed on the inside.
5moments
- CBS corresponded with a would-be presidential assassin for a year, then pivoted to criticizing Trump's Ukraine stance instead.
- Tim compares the scenario to Fox News secretly corresponding with a militia member before an assassination attempt.
- The shooter tweeted at Bruno Mars and Bono asking for a collaboration on a pro-Ukraine tribute song.
- Tim imagines what a celebrity-produced Ukraine fundraiser song might sound like, complete with geopolitical messaging.
- Diddy denied bail for sex trafficking and prostitution charges.
CBSBruno MarsDonald TrumpSean CombsBonoGeorge GallowayKamala HarrisFox News
- 10 min
Tim breaks down a Wall Street Journal article trying to downplay the Venezuelan Tren de Aragua gang takeover of an Aurora, Colorado apartment building, mocking the paper's framing of residents' fears as racist despite an actual murder and armed gang members.
11moments
- Tim notes that authorities may be denying Diddy bail specifically because they expect someone will kill him in prison rather than release.
- The Wall Street Journal's Aurora, Colorado migrant story and its framing of viral video claims.
- Tim explains the actual incident: people thought migrants took over an Aurora building, but the Journal is "correcting the record."
- Tim reads the Journal's argument that this was not a full takeover—just a routine incident with eight of ten Venezuelan gang members arrested.
- Watching the video of armed men in the building hallway, Tim asks what could possibly be wrong with this image in one's own country.
- The Journal quotes a 77-year-old resident expressing unease about undocumented people and Spanish speakers, positioning him as the article's villain.
- Tim predicts that when Trump wins, people should remember this article as an example of media dismissing legitimate community concerns.
- Tim marvels at the Journal's belief that the article actually lands—that telling residents their fears are unfounded will persuade anyone.
- The Journal's core message boils down to: residents are racist for disliking Venezuelan gang members with military weapons in their building hallway.
- Tim distinguishes between gangs taking over governance and a colloquial phrase: saying gangs have "taken over" doesn't mean they're running the town.
- The real solution would be for the Journal to concede there are migration issues and debate who handles them best, not tell people what they see isn't real.
Wall Street JournalDiddyAurora, ColoradoDonald TrumpRichard VeilTren de AraguaSpringfield, OhioKamala Harris+1 more
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Legacy, a sperm testing and freezing service, citing declining sperm counts and fertility statistics.
2moments
- Experts say we're facing a sperm crisis by 2045.
- Sperm quality peaks around age 30 and then declines 1% each year.
LegacyObesity epidemic
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for Morgan and Morgan injury law firm, including an anecdote about a friend's mother who fell in a mall and got compensation.
2moments
- Tim lists common accident scenarios: car accidents, slip and fall, hot coffee, falling off ladders.
- Friend's mother fell on a wet floor in a mall without a warning sign, cracked her hip, and her husband left her.
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Harry's razors, praising the quality, pricing, and convenience of their shaving products and subscription options.
5moments
- Tim on Harry's Razors: every joke doesn't deliver, but Harry's always does.
- Tim says he loves Harry's because they deliver to your door and provide a great shaving experience.
- The quality is so good he'd pay more for German-engineered blades made in their own factory that stay sharp longer.
- Harry's also sells body wash, deodorant, and other grooming products with scents like Redwood and wildlands.
- Highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry with no-risk trial—if you don't like it, they cover it.
- 10 min
Death of the Minivan
#Tim goes on an extended rant about how minivans destroyed a generation, turning kids into slobs who ate and threw food in filthy vehicles, contrasting it with his grandparents' pristine Crown Vic and Cadillac, and traces the minivan's history back to Chrysler in the late 1970s before joking Israel should blow them up too.
10moments
- Tim argues Venezuelan prison gangs should find minivans, then pivots to defending American criminals competing against foreign gang members.
- The minivan was the least cool yet most useful vehicle, and destroyed everyone in Tim's generation by becoming a mobile trash compactor.
- Growing up in minivans with sticky velvet seats and junk food destroyed Gen X's ability to keep clean homes until therapy.
- The cars you grew up in determined whether you became an animal; filthy minivans raised lower-class kids who never learned to take pride in anything.
- Minivans made everyone fat by providing space for constant eating, shopping, and toys instead of reserving those activities for stationary locations.
- Minivans normalized eating in cars; previous generations in Crown Vics and Cadillacs never ate while driving.
- Chrysler's minivan innovation arrived in the late 1970s as a savior to replace station wagons and full-size vans, reaching 700,000 sales by decade's end.
- The minivan symbolized the burdens of domestic life rather than freedom, so people treated it like garbage and used it to ferry kids to activities.
- No car represented America's decline more than the minivan, and no car was more beloved by Boomers who needed the extra space.
- Minivans are being replaced by suicide, fentanyl, human trafficking, and Diddy—Israel should blow up minivans in Lebanon to impress Tim.
- 2 min
Tim reacts to a viral clip of Biden trying on a Trump hat at a rally, riffing on Biden's suppressed rage and surprising spryness.
6moments
- Biden wearing a MAGA hat at the rally and why Tim thinks Biden actually wants Trump to win.
- Tim debates whether Biden was the worst candidate while acknowledging he's not completely out of his mind.
- Biden's surprisingly spry and tough when he comes alive, reminiscent of an older person who can still deliver.
- The anger Biden carries from his tragic past—dead wife, children, son—gives him fuel to confront Trump and Obama.
- Tim wants to see Biden actually put on the Trump hat to complete the moment.
- Biden puts on the hat and genuinely seems to enjoy the bit, looking good in it.
- 12 min
The Costco Cookie Family and 'We Bring the Boom'
#Tim discusses a viral family of Costco influencers, particularly 'the Rizzler,' their bizarre 'we bring the boom' dance routine, and muses that society's fascination with them signals a subconscious longing for civilizational collapse.
12moments
- Tim introduces the Costco family influencers who have taken the internet by storm.
- The father claims he's been following Gary Vee for ten years and credits him for the family's success.
- Tim argues Gary Vee would never have cosigned the "double chocolate cookie" content the family makes.
- The family performs their "we bring the boom" catchphrase and dance with Costco products.
- Tim wonders if people find the Costco family entertaining because they subconsciously want civilization to collapse.
- The popularity of the Costco family proves Americans are openly longing for nuclear holocaust or natural disaster.
- Tim predicts the Rizzler will eventually end up in jail after a domestic incident at the Cheesecake Factory.
- Tim examines the father's expression and claims he's going to kill his entire family Chris Watts style.
- Three Americans were sentenced to death for attempting to overthrow the Congo government.
- Tim speculates the Congo coup attempt was actually a failed cryptocurrency scheme gone wrong.
- The State Department might negotiate the release of the three Americans sentenced to death.
- Tim imagines showing the Costco family videos to people in the Congo and their bewilderment at American culture.
DiddyGary VaynerchukChristian MalangaDemocratic Republic of CongoBenjamin Zelman PalonMarcel MangaTyler ThompsonMike Lee+1 more
- 3 min
Tim discusses three American citizens, including a crypto-linked group, sentenced to death for a failed coup attempt in the Democratic Republic of Congo, joking that they should send Costco chicken bakes to negotiate their release.
6moments
- Tim's entire persona became dedicated to freeing Diddy
- The indictment lists all of Diddy's aliases to make sure people know they're talking about him
- Diddy was apparently doing Epstein-like behavior and blackmailing people
- Israel blew up pagers in Lebanon, something Tim didn't know was possible
- Reality isn't real anymore, so you have to bring the boom
- Tim jokes about Israel putting a bomb in his double chocolate chip cookie instead of killing him on a moped
- 1 min
Tim closes the show reminding listeners about tickets at TimDillonComedy.com and plugs the October 1st Netflix trailer before saying goodnight.
1moment
- Tim announces October 1st and says 'this is your Country'