Episode 427 · The Studio Revamp
Ceasefire Cheat Day & Realtors In LA | The Tim Dillon Show #427
Jan 18, 2025 · 1:10:15 · 655,000 views · 21 segments, 120 moments indexed
Tim discusses the “ceasefire” in Gaza, the impending Tik Tok ban, his decision to bail on the inauguration, and the audacity of realtors trying to sell houses in LA after the fires.
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- 6 min
The Gaza Ceasefire and Israel's 'One Last Binge' of Airstrikes
#Tim jokes about the Israel-Hamas ceasefire starting on a delay, comparing Israel's continued strikes before the Sunday start date to starting a diet on Monday but bingeing on lasagna the night before, and to easing off the brakes on a bike rather than jamming them.
10moments
- Tim expresses excitement about the Gaza ceasefire
- Israel killed people celebrating the ceasefire the day before it officially started on Sunday
- Tim compares Israel's final airstrikes before the ceasefire to having lasagna the night before starting a diet
- Israel ramped up deadly airstrikes after the ceasefire deal was reached because you can't go cold turkey on killing
- Tim recalls pumping the brakes on his bike while coming down a hill in Goan, New York and flying off
- Israel has been killing for almost two years and needs time to ease off, not just stop abruptly
- Hamas will release hostages, but one man's family was killed in an airstrike celebrating the ceasefire news
- The irony of getting killed at a ceasefire celebration party cannot be fully understood unless you were there
- Tim imagines a celebratory scene with dancing that suddenly turns into an airstrike with body parts in laps
- Israel tells people they're starting the ceasefire Sunday and to stop celebrating early
- 3 min
Predicting Residual Bad Blood and the Gaza Death Toll
#Tim jokingly predicts there will be lingering conflict between Israel and Hamas despite the ceasefire, then runs through death and injury statistics from both sides, joking darkly about how he'd treat 'missing' persons as a gambler at a casino.
5moments
- Tim predicts residual bad blood between Israel and Hamas despite the ceasefire deal.
- Israel killed 28 children and 31 women at a ceasefire party, warning against attending such gatherings.
- The conflict has become a war on Gaza's civilians rather than just on Hamas, despite official claims.
- Gaza death toll stands at 4,677 killed with 109,000 missing; Israel's toll is 1,139 killed.
- Tim assumes the missing people in Gaza are dead and would bet their chips on the death column.
- 1 min
Steve Witkoff Brokers the Ceasefire
#Tim describes real estate developer and Trump ally Steve Witkoff traveling to confront Netanyahu on the Sabbath to push through the ceasefire deal on Trump's orders.
4moments
- Steve Witkoff, a real estate entrepreneur, went to meet Netanyahu on the Sabbath and told him a ceasefire had to happen regardless of religious observance.
- Tim describes Witkoff's pitch to Netanyahu: Trump is coming in, the U.S. won't tolerate continued conflict, and there will be hell to pay if Israel doesn't cooperate.
- Witkoff, new to diplomacy and a real estate developer who golfs with Trump, was sent by the incoming president to deliver an ultimatum about ending the war.
- Tim says Gaza is going to release the hostages and hints at a controversial take that will anger people.
Steve WitcoffBenjamin NetanyahuDonald TrumpIsraelGaza
- 5 min
Wanting a 'Happy Hostage' Who's Ready to Turn the Page
#Tim lays out the phases of the hostage release deal, then goes on an extended riff wishing for hostages who come out of captivity upbeat and unbothered rather than traumatized, inventing hypothetical hostage interview quotes about finding the tunnels interesting, writing a YA novel, and not caring about the ordeal.
8moments
- Tim wants hostages to come out happy and ready to turn the page, not traumatized or dwelling on their suffering.
- Reading the ceasefire agreement terms, then joking that phase four is Israel nuking Gaza.
- Tim asks if hostages could be featured in a more positive light when they're released, rather than detailing their trauma on every show.
- There's got to be a few hostages who say the captivity was interesting and they've moved on rather than dwelling on the worst parts.
- Tim imagines a hostage explaining that yes, people were being killed nearby, but the tunnel system itself was architecturally fascinating.
- Hoping for a hostage who says the ordeal taught them not to take things so seriously, like getting angry when their wife burns breakfast.
- Tim's ideal hostage narrative: acknowledging others were upset but calling the whole thing a culturally enriching experience.
- The hostage Tim wants would say there's going to be negativity, but not from them—they met interesting people and had an unusual experience.
- 2 min
A Hostage's Lifelong Friends Made in the Tunnel
#Continuing the hostage bit, Tim imagines captives bonding for life with people they met while held in Hamas tunnels and describes it as a uniquely bonding experience.
5moments
- Tim describes the lifelong friendships formed by being dragged into the tunnel together.
- Shared trauma creates a unique experience that hostages should reframe positively rather than through self-pity.
- A hostage wrote a novel while in the tunnel—not about the ordeal, but young adult fiction with magical elements to maximize sales.
- Tim's consistent hope: that the Israel-Gaza conflict stops being a dinner conversation topic when he's present.
- Tim expresses his longstanding, unchanging position on the matter.
We wish them welltunnel hostages
- 4 min
Tim discusses the possible TikTok ban, the Supreme Court's ruling, and young Americans fleeing to the Chinese app Red Note (Xiaohongshu) in protest, joking that kids should fully embrace the CCP and learn Mandarin out of spite.
8moments
- Tim sees TikTok two ways: as a harbinger of the apocalypse and a mirror to a failing dysfunctional society.
- Chinese spyware on TikTok is the best kind because China watches the app and is probably terrified of Americans.
- If TikTok gets banned, every young kid should become a Maoist CCP member and learn Mandarin.
- Tim wants kids angry about the ban to wear Taiwan shirts, learn Mandarin, and pledge allegiance to the CCP from their bedroom.
- Hundreds of thousands of Americans migrating to Red Note—a Chinese app nicknamed after Mao's quotation compendium—is a practical joke on the government.
- Young people making a living on TikTok should publicly embrace the CCP as retaliation for the ban.
- TikTok is the app of their childhood; they grew up on it during the pandemic and some have made money from it.
- Young people see TikTok as both an economy and their primary news source, rejecting mainstream media entirely.
TikTokDonald TrumpChinaSupreme CourtJoe BidenXiaohongshuMao Zedong
- 3 min
Terrorists Should Learn TikTok Dances
#Tim reacts to a Red Note user's video about goats being mistaken for sheep by confused Chinese commenters, then argues that any group, even terrorists, could win over bored American youth if they just made an entertaining enough app.
6moments
- Red Note is the Chinese Communist CCP alternative to TikTok, and it's worse than people think.
- Tim argues nobody will put their phone down regardless of who owns the app — people would join Al-Qaeda's platform if it had good content.
- There is no morality when it comes to boredom; users will scroll on any app, no matter how nefarious the group behind it.
- Satan himself could launch an app and teenagers would use it if the algorithm was entertaining enough.
- Terrorist groups are wasting time with cells and attacks when they should be making TikTok dances to recruit American teenagers.
- All a terrorist organization needs to do is figure out an entertaining app and they'll have American kids on their side overnight.
TikTokRed NoteBashar AssadSean Ryan show
- 5 min
The Rizzler, Ball, and the Costco Family as Biblical Demons
#Tim revisits his theory that the viral Costco food court family (AJ, Big Justice, the mom) represent the biblical demon Baal, while the Rizzler is a separate, more human mascot marketing the demonic family to the public.
7moments
- Terrorist groups need a social media strategy to entice American youth, not just traditional methods.
- Chinese RedNote users confuse goats for sheep in viral videos, possibly a translation or cultural gap.
- Tim watches Chinese rappers who cook and make music simultaneously, finding the creepy food content fascinating.
- The algorithm is unstoppable—people watch increasingly extreme content and nobody can really do anything about it.
- The Costco family represents the biblical demon Baal, except the Rizzler, who seems human and occasionally confused by the others' demonic behavior.
- The Rizzler was picked to market Baal and the evil family to the public, not because he's part of the family himself.
- The Rizzler occasionally shows human emotion and looks at AJ and Big Justice with confusion, recognizing something inhuman in them.
- 4 min
Tim describes the rise of untrained influencers being paid to review fast food products with vapid reactions like 'that goes hard,' and imagines Sonic executives being shocked that an obese man eating in his car online actually drives sales.
4moments
- Tim identifies the trend of uneducated food reviewers on social media who just eat and say 'that goes hard' with no actual culinary knowledge.
- The future of American entertainment is spon-con: companies paying people to try their products and review them positively on TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram.
- Tim speculates that Sonic initially rejected the idea of sponsoring morbidly obese people eating in cars, but executives realized millions watch these videos and it drives sales.
- Sonic executives discovered viewers aren't repulsed by these eating videos—they're drawn to them, making the sponsorship strategy actually profitable.
- 1 min
Tim reads a Helix Sleep ad promoting a 27% sitewide MLK Day flash sale with two free pillows and a mattress quiz.
4moments
- Tim's Hampton home visitors consistently praise his Helix mattresses, asking what they are.
- Tim says he's done well promoting the company because he genuinely believes in and loves the product.
- The MLK flash sale offers 27% off sitewide plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase.
- Tim ties the sale to celebrating strides made in the country and the importance of good sleep after hard work.
- 8 min
Marketing to Monsters: Wendy's Death Row Meal and Ball-Bathing Influencers
#Tim extends his brand-marketing riff, arguing companies now specifically seek out unhinged, monstrous personalities to hawk products, imagining a death row inmate promoting Wendy's during his execution and BB Netanyahu doing a Crumbl Cookie review.
10moments
- Costco executives were shocked when suits realized the dancing family screaming about cookies actually resonated with customers.
- Tim explains advertising executives have the lowest opinions of the American public, yet are surprised when cringe content drives sales numbers.
- Companies now understand that initial disgust is the goal—they're about to flood marketing with intentionally repulsive campaigns.
- Tim's KFC pitch: leave a chicken tender at a murder scene to make the brand part of the news cycle.
- Marketing has shifted from building campaigns around wacky characters like Flo from Progressive to targeting psychologically unstable people.
- The Costco guy will end up like Jared Fogle—companies are now partnering with unhinged individuals who consume their products obsessively on camera.
- Brand partnerships on TikTok have no moral boundaries—even Benjamin Netanyahu would be reviewing Crumble Cookies within four months.
- Brands are intentionally casting monsters instead of models, because the people buying their products are monsters themselves.
- Wendy's should hire a death row inmate whose last meal is from their chain, talking about the Big Bacon Classic while being executed.
- Fast food companies need to get a monster or a family of monsters to market their products or they're crazy.
Jared FogleCostcoBenjamin NetanyahuWendy'sIHOPRaising CanesBudweiserBurger King+3 more
- 6 min
Skipping the Inauguration and January 6 Rioters' Big Day
#Tim explains why he declined a VIP inauguration invite, jokes about wanting to submit a personal watch list to the new administration, and describes the joy of J6 rioters getting released from jail just in time to attend Trump's second inauguration.
9moments
- Tim declines Trump's VIP inauguration invitation, citing his birthday, shows, and needing to set up a GoFundMe after his house burned down in LA fires.
- January 6 rioters are returning to DC to celebrate Trump's inauguration, treating it as the greatest day of their lives.
- Capitol Riders getting out of jail are already securing official inauguration tickets and tapping Trump's allies for more.
- Tim imagines J6 attendees wearing leather jackets with "J6" on the back, describing their happiness as exceeding the birth of their children.
- FBI warns of non-specific terror threat at the inauguration, citing violent extremists on their payroll whom they've interviewed 30 times.
- Threat assessment highlights nightmare scenarios including bomb hoaxes, swatting calls, drone flights, vehicle ramming, and 700,000 Telegram users threatening to assassinate Trump.
- Tim compares the inauguration security environment to 9/11, noting such attacks usually happen on unexpected days rather than during heavily fortified events.
- He skipped the inauguration because he hates conventions, it'll be freezing, and he expected a more intimate setting where he could advise Trump on people to watch.
- Tim has a list of family members and friends he wanted to give to the Trump administration to be watched for their own good.
Donald TrumpFBIGeneral SoleimaniJanuary 6Vegas MattTulsi Gabbard
- 1 min
Tim reads about FBI and Secret Service warnings of bomb hoaxes, swatting, drone threats, and Iranian retaliation threats ahead of Trump's inauguration, mocking the FBI's history of cultivating its own informants as 'violent extremists.'
1moment
- Trump was informed about potential harm that cold temperatures could have on law enforcement.
- 1 min
Tim reads a ShipStation ad touting shipping discounts, automation, and a free trial with promo code.
2moments
- Tim praises automation for printing shipping labels with one click
- Tim pivots to a story about his friend's mother making painted shell ashtrays to sell
- 1 min
Tim continues riffing on the ShipStation ad with a bit about a friend's mother selling seashell ashtrays online and needing help tracking orders, then pivots to comparing Austin's skyline to post-fire California.
4moments
- Terry from Ohio orders an ashtray from Tim's grandma's online shop, but nobody knows which tie-dye or ship design she wants.
- ShipStation handles the confusion—over 130,000 companies use it for e-commerce fulfillment with major carrier discounts.
- Austin, Texas now looks like California after wildfire devastation, with all the deforestation already complete.
- Tim notes the landscape destruction in Austin is already done, moving to the next topic.
- 4 min
BlackRock and Selling Sunset Realtors Scamming LA Fire Victims
#Tim accuses BlackRock of predatory lowball offers to buy burned land from Palisades and Altadena fire victims, and jokingly accuses the Selling Sunset brothers of starting the fires themselves to drum up business for their real estate scam.
6moments
- Selling Sunset realtors are running a scam offering fake free commissions to fire victims in California.
- BlackRock is calling residents in Altadena offering to buy their land for $700k while ashes still smolder.
- Verification of funds reveals BlackRock is behind the calls, disguised and trying to acquire fire-damaged properties.
- Tim claims without evidence that the brothers from Selling Sunset started the fire for their show's fifth season.
- The realtors' warnings about other scammers are actually a scam tactic to position themselves as legitimate operators.
- When a fire breaks out, scammers see their moment and move in with criminals and media involvement.
- 3 min
Tim reacts incredulously to an actual news clip of Selling Sunset's Jason Oppenheim being interviewed as a real estate expert during the fires, mocking the absurdity of discussing home values and price gouging while people are being evacuated.
8moments
- Tim questions why a Selling Sunset realtor is being interviewed as an expert during an active wildfire.
- He criticizes the news angle of discussing real estate values while homes are literally burning.
- Tim points out how unsympathetic it is to lead by emphasizing these were fancy, glitzy, glamorous houses.
- Jason mentions the average home in Pacific Palisades was $3-4 million, with many in the $5-10 million range.
- The realtor claims he received 40 to 50 calls from clients and friends who lost homes he had sold them.
- Tim argues the news should be running evacuation information and directing people to resources like churches with water instead.
- He objects to the realtor talking about 50 homes sold while people need survival information.
- Tim calls out the absurdity of the realtor celebrating his sales record while discussing homes that are now gone.
- 8 min
Tim continues reacting to the Oppenheim interview about price gouging on rentals and the Mansion Tax, then does an extended bit mocking the Oppenheim brothers for opportunistically advertising their services to displaced, injured fire victims.
10moments
- Real estate agents showed fire victims rental properties at $133,000/month, offered $20,000 upfront, and were countered at $23,000/month — 10 grand above asking.
- Landlords are charging displaced families illegal premiums, with 15-20 people lined up waiting to rent single properties.
- Tim jokes about repealing laws that stop him from stealing homes — if fire victims sign documents while crying, finders keepers.
- The Oppenheim Group offers to represent displaced fire victims for free or credit back commissions they've paid.
- Tim mocks the Oppenheim Group's marketing push to displaced families, imagining ads: 'Call me with your charred hand, we'll put you in a box for 40 grand a month.'
- Tim suggests the real estate agents may have started the fires themselves and are now positioned to profit from the disaster.
- News coverage frames Malibu fire victims as deserving sympathy because the homes are on a Netflix show about selling luxury real estate.
- Average home valuations in Paliades are inflated by averaging in apartment complexes; the reality is that everyone there is wealthy.
- Real estate agents don't need to run commercials during the crisis — they already have TV shows and billboards; displaced people will call them anyway.
- Tim hopes the Oppenheim Group's phone gets flooded with poor people calling to take advantage of their free representation offer.
Oppenheim GroupNetflixCaliforniaPacific Coast HighwayLos AngelesMalibu
- 1 min
Prank Call: The Burned Shed Guy
#Tim does a short bit as a fake caller named 'Timan' from Altadena whose shed burned down, begging the Oppenheim brothers to find him a room.
2moments
- Caller claims his shed burned down in Opheim and asks if Tim and his brother will help him find a place to live.
- He describes smelling the burned skin of the man who used to hit him, but notes he's still a good man.
- 1 min
Tim thanks the audience, mentions upcoming tour dates at timdillancomedy.com and that the edited comedy special is coming soon, and offers hopes for a safe inauguration and ceasefire.
2moments
- Tim announces tour dates and that the special is being edited and coming out soon
- Tim hopes for a safe inauguration and expresses optimism about the future
- 4 min
A Disney Musical Fantasy for Israel and Gaza Peace
#Tim imagines an absurd healing concert featuring Jelly Roll emerging from a Hamas tunnel, Taylor Swift playing guitar amid ruins with dancing amputees, Billie Eilish singing in a mass grave, and Sabrina Carpenter in modest attire, as his fantasy solution to Middle East peace.
5moments
- Tim proposes a Disney musical about Israel and Palestine, with a concert to unite everyone.
- Taylor Swift performs mediocre pop in the ruins while Palestinian amputees dance along to 'Cruel Summer.'
- The musical crescendos with Jelly Roll exiting the Hamas tunnel as Taylor plays guitar and Billie Eilish mourns in a mass grave.
- Tim catalogs the surreal lineup: Jelly Roll from the tunnel, Taylor in ruins, Billie at a Palestinian grave, Sabrina Carpenter respectfully covered in Islamic dress.
- Tim's fantasy ends with CNN covering the ceasefire, then cutting to the Oppenheim brothers to discuss Gaza real estate development.
Taylor SwiftBillie EilishJelly RollCNNBrett OppenheimJason OppenheimOppenheim GroupSabrina Carpenter