Episode 300 · The Ben Avery Era
#300 - A Unique Experience with Yannis Pappas | The Tim Dillon Show
with Yannis Pappas
May 29, 2022 · 1:05:05 · 533,000 views · 27 segments, 156 moments indexed
Tim Dillon has on comedian Yannis Pappas to discuss a growing epidemic in the United States and how to stop it once and for all.
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- 2 min
Tim welcomes Giannis Pappas to promote his new stand-up special 'Mom Love,' which they discuss as being about the theory that dad love is conditional while mom love is unconditional empathy gone too far.
5moments
- Giannis Pappas's special 'Mom Love' is available on YouTube and covers transgender issues.
- The special's central thesis: society has too much mom love (unconditional empathy) and not enough dad love (conditional, performance-based approval).
- Dad love is conditional—you do well, dad loves you more; you struggle, the love diminishes.
- Giannis illustrates conditional love through his own father, who called him once every two months after moving in with his brother.
- When Giannis was living on a couch in someone's kitchen, his father told people he didn't know if he had a son.
Yannis PappasMom Love
- 3 min
Tim's Shooting Survivor Status and the Shooter's One-Man Show
#Tim and Giannis riff on Tim having been shot outside a nightclub, joking that the Armenian shooter later did a one-man show about the incident and comparing it to the Pope forgiving his would-be assassin.
6moments
- Tim pitches the show as free content on YouTube, asking listeners to share it like socialism.
- Tim's take on the Texas shooting: even the kids killed there would still be pro-gun if brought back.
- All you need to know about self-defense in Texas and Florida is whether the shooter felt scared for their life.
- Tim has been shot and says he recommends the experience because it wasn't bad for him.
- The man who shot Tim did a one-man show about shooting him, demonstrating how strong the hunger for fame is in America.
- Tim's shooter got on stage and performed about the decision to shoot him outside a nightclub, which reportedly contributed to the shooter's legal troubles.
- 2 min
Uvalde Shooting: Kids Would Still Be Pro-Gun
#Tim jokes darkly that even the murdered Uvalde children, if resurrected, would remain pro-gun, and riffs on Texas gun culture and the framing of feeling threatened as justification.
4moments
- Tim doesn't blame the person who shot him and believes he was doing God's bidding.
- Tim says getting shot caused him panic attacks that probably delayed his comedy career.
- Tim questions how bad getting shot really is, given that he seems fine and it doesn't inhibit his life.
- Politicians should accept that getting shot is part of American culture and life, rather than running from the issue.
- 3 min
Grocery Store Gunfights and the Boredom Argument for Guns
#Tim builds an absurd bit that America needs constant gun danger to avoid boredom, extending into a debate about whether guns should be harder to get, comparing gun purchase ease to buying Tylenol.
9moments
- Tim describes the grocery store gunfight scenario: you could be picking tomatoes when a war breaks out in aisle four.
- His actual concern: if you remove the element of a potential grocery store massacre, life gets boring.
- Tim explains why people need semi-automatic weapons—to be armed in case North Korea attacks your living room.
- The pushback: maybe people should have to leave their house and drive somewhere to get guns, like they do for Tylenol.
- Tim points out you can't use Postmates to order a gun, which he treats as the actual difficulty argument.
- Tim gets more hatred for suggesting guns should be harder to get than for any other claim on the show.
- The fear underlying gun-rights pushback: the left starts with moderate restrictions and then keeps escalating toward confiscation.
- Gun-control rhetoric often relies on blanket morality applied to the object itself rather than context.
- Whether a gun is good or bad depends entirely on context.
- 4 min
Should Cops Have Rushed In? Football Rivalries and Sociopath Pipelines
#Tim and Giannis debate the delayed police response at Uvalde, joke about football rivalries influencing police urgency, and pitch identifying sociopathic kids early to funnel them into acting or politics instead of mass murder.
6moments
- Tim argues police failure to rush into the Uvalde school depended partly on whether it was a rival school to where the officers' kids played.
- The shooter was barricaded inside for up to an hour before law enforcement killed him—Tim suggests cops may have needed permission from organizations or wanted to talk him down first.
- Tim compares the Buffalo grocery store shooter, whom police prevented from killing himself, to what he sees as an absurd level of intervention.
- Guns are not new but school shootings are—Tim identifies a cultural shift creating more violent sociopaths than before.
- Tim proposes identifying sociopathic traits early in troubled kids and funneling them into acting classes and entertainment instead of letting them kill schoolchildren.
- Solution: put sociopaths on a path to become leaders and politicians, where they can kill children in other countries on the nation's behalf.
Salvador Ramosmental healthSteve McGraw
- 3 min
Tim reads the shooter's pre-massacre Facebook posts and argues American culture's obsession with fame pushes disturbed people toward infamy when fame feels out of reach.
8moments
- Salvador Ramos was 18, supposedly bullied, and posted three disturbing Facebook messages minutes before the massacre.
- Tim notes that 'I'm gonna shoot my grandmother' sounds like a joke no one takes seriously online.
- Ramos followed through on his threats, posting about shooting an elementary school 15 minutes before arriving.
- Tim acknowledges the difficulty of handling this as comedy material given that children were actually killed.
- He argues the country's obsession with fame drives sociopaths toward infamy when legitimate success feels unreachable.
- Premeditated murderers don't exist without wanting attention—in America, attention itself is currency.
- People looking at the culture see serial killer documentaries and news coverage celebrating horrible acts, then decide that's the path to recognition.
- The system creates a nihilistic incentive where doing something infamous becomes the only way to feel known.
- 1 min
Tim reads a Helix Sleep ad about taking their quiz to get matched to a custom mattress, mentioning awards and the 100-night trial.
2moments
- Tim took the Helix quiz and was matched with the model mattress for a firm feel, side sleeping, and night terrors where he runs around.
- Helix ships free to your door and eliminates the need to visit a mattress store.
- 1 min
Tim pitches ExpressVPN as protection against hackers and government surveillance, explaining how public wifi networks are vulnerable.
4moments
- Tim on ExpressVPN: private contractors and government are stealing your information through your computer.
- Why everyone needs a VPN: hackers on the same network in cafes and airports can steal passwords and financial details.
- If you're Australian and want to watch American Netflix, you need a VPN.
- ExpressVPN creates an encrypted tunnel that's secure, easy to use, and works on all devices.
- 3 min
Tim reacts to reports of onlookers begging police to charge into the school during the shooting, comparing it to yelling at sports fans, and lays out the timeline of Ramos's approach and the police response.
6moments
- Texas school shooting: cops standing outside while bystanders heckle them to enter.
- Tim argues cops can't claim to have the most dangerous job, then refuse to enter the school—it's not even statistically top ten.
- Protocol changes depending on the situation: protocol to wait for a school shooter, but not for a Black kid on the street.
- Details of the shooting: Salvador Ramos crashed his truck, grabbed an AR-15, shot at people outside a funeral home.
- Ramos barricaded himself in a classroom and opened fire on children and teachers inside.
- Tim calls for real solutions instead of shouting utopian slogans from media and activists on both gun sides.
- 3 min
Tim details Ramos's fight with his grandmother over not graduating, his purchase of two AR-15s on his 18th birthday, and a horrifying account of a student who yelled for help being shot for it.
5moments
- Salvador Ramos got angry about not graduating from Texas high school, fought with his grandmother over it, then shot her and drove to the elementary school.
- Tim on Ramos buying two AR-15s on his 18th birthday: the gun seller probably didn't ask questions, treating it as freedom of expression.
- Tim argues that owning multiple guns might be justified for self-defense against trans people, sarcastically suggesting maybe three guns are needed.
- Police told students to yell for help during the shooting; one student yelled and the shooter heard her and killed her.
- Tim says the cops aren't exactly a crack squad of geniuses, and telling kids in an active shooting to yell for help is not a solid strategy.
- 3 min
NRA Convention in Houston and Kevlar Fashion for Kids
#Tim jokes about the NRA gathering in Houston days after the massacre and pitches designers like Tommy Hilfiger making bulletproof clothing and kids' body armor as the 'solution.'
6moments
- Tim argues gun regulations need to be uniform across states because people can buy weapons in Indiana and smuggle them to Chicago.
- Murder of children is part of the American tradition alongside football, cheese fries, and buffalo wings.
- The NRA is holding a 55,000-person convention in Houston days after the Texas school massacre.
- Tim proposes that since a shooter had body armor in Buffalo, maybe kids should wear body armor to school instead.
- Climate and environment determine fashion—light colors in Miami, body armor in America.
- Daniel Defense tweeted an image of a child with an AR-15 alongside a Bible verse about training up a child, then locked their account.
National Rifle AssociationDaniel DefenseTory BurchTommy HilfigerChicagoIndiana
- 4 min
Tim reads a gun manufacturer's since-deleted Bible-quote tweet featuring a child with a rifle, then argues that blaming mental illness alone ignores the lack of actual healthcare and stigmatizes the mentally ill.
9moments
- The military-industrial complex isn't a problem, it's a baby with a gun in Texas.
- Notice the child in the Daniel Defense tweet isn't reading a book or playing sports or at church—just sitting on the floor with an AR-15.
- Daniel Defense tweeted that image on the day an 18-year-old murdered a bunch of kids—at minimum, a marketing disaster.
- People defending this always blame mental health, but they never follow up by saying we should have healthcare.
- Tim worked in mental health and notes that mentally ill people don't walk into a psych ward and get shot—you need a gun in your hands.
- While a small percentage of mentally ill people are violent, blaming mental illness for mass murder shits on the entire mentally ill population.
- We've spent 50 years poisoning the population, hooking them on drugs to keep them productive at work while stressed to nervous breakdowns.
- Tim isn't that upset about the gun thing and won't be doing a lot of content about it this summer.
- Podcasts are ending because people are exhausted by the same 20 people discussing the same things over and over.
poison food / drugs / booze / paranoid mediamental healthmilitary-industrial complex
- 1 min
A quick aside about sadness and reading the news leads into introducing the BetterHelp sponsorship.
2moments
- Tim pitches merch idea: Tim Dillon Show on body armor.
- Production note: request to speak directly into the microphone.
- 2 min
Tim reads the BetterHelp copy about burnout and prioritizing yourself, then banters with Ben about whether he's actually used therapy.
6moments
- Tim opens with feeling that things are not good, citing news as the source.
- Burnout doesn't only come from work—any role in life can cause it.
- People forget to prioritize themselves while trying to help others.
- Ben says he's used BetterHelp and loves that it's always there when needed.
- Traditional therapy slots are hard to book, especially on short notice, unlike online therapy.
- Ben discusses his therapy sessions, admitting he talks about feelings of worthlessness he considers justified.
- 3 min
Unlocked Doors, Decoy Schools, and Underground Bunker Education
#Tim discusses that the shooter entered through an unlocked door, then spins into absurd solutions like decoy schools modeled on Saddam's palaces and educating children underground.
7moments
- Robb Elementary shooter walked through an unlocked door with no police officer confronting him beforehand.
- Tim tried to visit his old school years ago and was shocked to find all the doors locked.
- Tim proposes having decoy schools like Saddam Hussein's palaces to confuse potential shooters.
- What if kids were educated underground instead, with artificial UV light recreated by the military-industrial complex.
- Delivery people like Instacart workers are now the bravest people, risking their lives on walks to their cars.
- Tim suggests the government might release a new virus for our own safety to get everyone back indoors.
- Teachers might actually be braver and face more danger than cops now.
Robb Elementary SchoolJoe RoganbunkersBill Gates
- 3 min
Arming Teachers with AR-15s: The Full Classroom Defense Plan
#Tim and Giannis construct an elaborate satirical plan involving armed teachers, teacher's aides, kid marshals, and kevlar school uniforms as the solution to school shootings.
10moments
- Tim blames liberal California teachers moving to other states for not carrying guns and not focusing on school defense.
- Teachers need body armor because the shooter might have a bigger gun and the advantage of surprise.
- Tim proposes stationing one teacher at the chalkboard with a handgun and another watching their blind spot.
- His plan: two armed people per classroom with AR-15s, one watching the door and one watching the windows.
- Kids themselves may be armed, but teachers have the advantage because children's hands can't handle an AR-15's recoil.
- Tim escalates to needing three AR-15s in each classroom—one on the kids, one on the door, and one on the teacher because the teacher might flip out.
- A kid marshal armed with a gun should monitor the teacher to watch for potential breakdowns.
- Two teacher's aides with AR-15s stationed at the door and inside the classroom complete the layered defense.
- Tim insists this is not comedy but a smart, well-thought-out, cogent plan that other countries would misunderstand.
- The alternative to this system is relying on chance, happenstance, and luck to prevent school shootings.
- 2 min
Military Checkpoints at Supermarkets and Mass Shooting Statistics
#Tim proposes military checkpoints outside grocery stores and cites the 2022 mass shooting count so far, tying it to cultural desensitization from a nonstop volume of tragedy.
4moments
- Tim proposes installing military checkpoints at supermarkets to make shoppers feel safer while getting lettuce.
- The internet has desensitized people to death and destruction; we've created a generation of sociopaths who don't care that kids are dying.
- Teresa Neela's bit: you can't care about everything—it's like releasing three podcast episodes a week, you get numb to the volume.
- Tim cites statistics showing 214 mass shootings in the U.S. so far in 2022, defined as incidents where four or more people are shot.
mass shootingsgovernment overreach
- 4 min
Appalachian Moonshine Friend and American Masculinity via Guns
#Tim tells a story about a friend's gun-culture younger brother visiting, then compares American masculinity's obsession with guns to Australians' more relaxed, sex-positive culture.
9moments
- Tim on gun control: they need to be in the right hands, not the wrong hands, period.
- Friend from Appalachia visited—makes moonshine, different culture entirely, finds women at gas stations and brings them to cabins.
- The Appalachian friend ate dinner with David Spade and spent the whole time cutting into his plate like he was planning something.
- After school shootings, the friend's immediate reaction: they can't take his guns because the government abandoned rural communities.
- Australia has attractive people on beaches having sex—nobody's sitting around saying where are the AR-15s to make this better.
- Hollywood celebrities demand gun regulation but star in action movies glorifying guns, then applaud violence at awards shows.
- It's awful that mass shootings keep happening and show no signs of stopping.
- America is puritanical: you can show mass executions in films but a nipple is outrageous.
- American culture prefers murder to sex—we're basically a sexless nation that just wants to eat and kill each other.
- 4 min
Puritanical America: Violence OK, Sex Taboo
#Tim argues America tolerates on-screen murder but panics over nudity, connecting this to increasingly violent sexual fetishes and the country's puritanical roots, plus a riff on his own birth and his mother taking him to Wendy's.
9moments
- Tim argues that going to IHOP armed is uniquely American and what makes the country distinctive.
- Young men in America struggling to find romantic partners are increasingly turning to weapons instead.
- Post-9/11, authorities warned about sexually frustrated men in cults being radicalized, but America now has a similar dynamic with young guys.
- America bans depictions of genitals but freely shows murder, creating a bizarre taboo hierarchy.
- Appropriate-age sex is viewed as grotesque in America while violence and pedophilia get more cultural acceptance.
- Modern sex has become incredibly violent—women being waterboarded, choked, thrown down stairs—because that's what it takes for people to orgasm.
- In France people just have normal sex, but in America men need their partners choked and heads through walls.
- With Roe v. Wade overturned, sex now has actual consequences, but Tim's mother still just took him to Wendy's anyway.
- Tim was born unwanted and his mother ignored him, which is apparently just standard parenting.
- 2 min
Tim and Ben discuss the Bespoke Post subscription box service, joking about the knife and pancake griddle Ben received.
7moments
- Bespoke Post partners with small businesses and emerging brands to deliver unique goods monthly, and you can start or stop anytime.
- Tim pitches sending a Bespoke Post box as a gift to someone moving or going to college, since they take a quiz and get personalized recommendations.
- Sign up at boxofawesome.com with code 'tim dillon' for 20% off your first box.
- Ben describes some items he received: a knife, a bottle of liquor, and a pancake griddle for making stacks on the go.
- Tim asks if they've put bullets in the boxes yet, and Ben confirms the knife could be useful at gas stations when out of fuel.
- Bespoke Post boxes contain items from small companies that need help, and Tim claims he's sent them to relatives and friends more than anyone else.
- Final reminder: boxofawesome.com with code tim dillon for 20% off the first box.
- 1 min
Tim reads a MeUndies ad about soft, breathable underwear and loungewear for summer, with Ben chiming in that he actually wears them.
4moments
- Tim pitches MeUndies as a solution to life's hardships, from broken air conditioning to lack of parking.
- He explains the micro modal fabric keeps you cool and comfortable through the summer.
- Tim and a cohost confirm they actually wear MeUndies and find them comfortable.
- The discount offer: 15 percent off first purchase with membership sign-up, described as wordy jingle material.
- 1 min
Pedophiles as School Security Guards
#Continuing the satirical solutions bit, Tim jokes about arming pedophiles to guard schools since 'nobody loves the kids more.'
2moments
- Tim's solution: arm everyone at school, including the kids, with body armor and constant surveillance.
- Pedophiles should be hired as school security guards because they care about kids more than anyone else.
- 1 min
Castle Moats and Bringing Back Child Workhouses
#Tim extends the absurd solutions riff to moated castle-schools and Victorian-style child labor workhouses as an alternative to modern schooling.
3moments
- Tim proposes putting schools in castle-like structures with moats and drawbridges to make them geographically harder to access.
- Why have schools at all when you could just send kids to workhouses instead, like they did in old London.
- Tim dismisses school shootings as not that big of a deal compared to other problems society faces.
- 2 min
Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard Trial as Escapist Entertainment
#Tim pivots to the Depp-Heard defamation trial, joking that he predicted a celebrity trial would be needed to distract the public and that he cares more about it than his own family.
7moments
- Tim calls the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial bigger entertainment than mass shootings.
- He predicted months ago that a celebrity trial would be needed as escapism from depressing news.
- Tim argues we need trials on every channel, prank shows everywhere, and people should never leave their houses.
- A shooting will be forgotten within an hour, but the Depp trial has dominated for six weeks.
- Tim admits he cares more about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp than about kids who got shot, because he's followed the trial longer.
- The trial is fun because the rich celebrities have butlers, maids, nannies, and drama playing out in Coachella, the Hills, Italy—luxury locations.
- There's entertainment value in hearing about somebody getting beaten up in a nice area.
- 2 min
Austin as America's Only Safe Place (Debunked)
#Tim jokingly declares Austin the one safe place in America, then immediately Googles it live and finds recent local shootings undercutting the joke.
6moments
- Tim outlines the absurd logic of never leaving your house: homeschool your kids, use delivery services, and accept that delivery workers will be killed bringing you nachos.
- Everything should require airport-style checkpoints and metal detectors; nobody should ever wear shoes.
- The recent shooting was 90 miles west of San Antonio, about three hours away—far enough to not count as Austin's problem.
- Half of the deadliest U.S. shootings occurred in Texas, undermining the entire Austin safety premise.
- Tim notes the contradiction: supposedly liberal gun-law areas post signs prohibiting guns indoors, confusing someone carrying in North Carolina who thought those same rules applied everywhere.
- Why can't someone bring their gun to the opera, given the supposed gun freedoms in these states?
- 1 min
No Guns Allowed Signs in Gun-Friendly States
#Tim notes the irony of businesses in open-carry states posting 'no guns allowed' signs everywhere.
1moment
- Stores in gun-friendly states post "no guns" signs, making Tim ask what the point is of having a gun if you can't bring it inside.
- 5 min
Tim closes the show plugging Giannis's special 'Mom Love,' discussing ad reads and sponsor relationships, then both list upcoming tour dates including Richmond, San Jose, and Newport.
9moments
- Tim introduces Janis Pappas's special "Mom Love" on YouTube, says we need less mom and dad love overall.
- His own special just got an offer today, might not be on YouTube.
- Companies won't let him do funny ads, but the companies that do get better results because people don't skip them.
- Tim defends wanting more money despite having a Patreon, calls this basic American economics.
- Box of Awesome comes with a wooden box, a pipe, and a couple of sticks of dynamite.
- Janis Pappas plugs his special coming out Saturday and Long Days podcast.
- Tim announces current Patreon episode with Sal from Impractical Jokers.
- Tim has shows Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at the Funny Bone in Richmond, Virginia—two shows Friday, two Saturday, one Sunday.
- Additional tour dates: May 28th at Jane Pickens Theater in Newport, Rhode Island for the Rhode Island Comedy Festival, and September 9-10 at Uncle Vinnie's in Port Jefferson.
Janice PappasSal VulcanoImpractical JokersMark Maron