Episode 241 · The Ben Avery Era
#241 - Live From Cleveland | The Tim Dillon Show
Feb 28, 2021 · 58:11 · 349,000 views · 23 segments, 121 moments indexed
This show is dedicated to the great Bud Munster.
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- 1 min
- 3 min
East Cleveland's Travel Advisory and Cleveland Cuisine
#Tim riffs on a councilwoman issuing a travel advisory for East Cleveland due to police chases, jokes about comedy thriving in hopeless cities, and mocks Cleveland's food like the Polish Boy sandwich.
6moments
- A Cleveland councilwoman issued a travel advisory for East Cleveland due to the sheer number of police chases disrupting traffic.
- Tim notes the chaos: cops ramming pedestrians while chasing suspects, making the city genuinely terrifying.
- Comedy thrives in places where people have lost hope, which explains why he keeps returning to Cleveland.
- The restaurant they're in is the nicest place in Cleveland, defined by rotisserie chicken and fried pickles.
- The Polish boy sandwich—kielbasa, french fries, barbecue sauce, and coleslaw—baffles him as a concept.
- Whatever Woody Allen did is not as bad as inventing the Polish boy sandwich.
- 7 min
Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, and the HBO Documentary
#A long riff on the Woody Allen/Mia Farrow HBO documentary, Dylan Farrow's red hair, Moses Farrow defending Woody, Mia's adopted children, and jokes about binge-watching pedophile documentaries.
10moments
- Tim mentions Joe Rogan texting him that the tide is turning for Woody Allen, then jokes about Rogan also claiming water cured COVID.
- First episode of the HBO documentary puts the whole family in jail, according to Tim's take.
- Tim claims Mia is importing Taiwanese ladyboys for her pervert husband, not adopting regular kids.
- Questioning what Mia Farrow's race actually is, noting she looks weird and possibly Irish like a banshee.
- Moses, Woody's adopted son, is defending him hardcore, saying Woody took him fishing and gave him a buck for glasses.
- Dylan Farrow's red blood hair disqualifies her from being taken seriously—Tim can't feel sympathy for someone with that hair color.
- Tim was hot as a kid and carefully explains why HBO keeps showing Dylan as young: it's more believable that way for the accusations.
- Dylan Farrow has the same problem Tim has—neither aged into their sex appeal—which makes her describing events from childhood awkward.
- HBO messed up releasing the documentary weekly instead of letting people binge it; waiting for the next episode makes you seem like a creep.
- You can't have four Woody Allen watch parties at your house with cake—that's how people look when waiting for a pedophile documentary installment.
Dylan FarrowMia FarrowHBOJoe RoganWoody AllenMoses Farrow
- 1 min
Imagining a Farrow Family Podcast
#Tim jokes about Mia and Dylan Farrow starting a socialism podcast together and merch lines after the documentary wraps.
3moments
- Tim respects Mia and Dylan Farrow for continuing to push allegations against Woody Allen despite HBO cameras documenting it.
- If Dylan and Mia started a podcast together after the documentary wrapped, what would be the product launch and merch strategy?
- The hypothetical merch line: Mia Farrow skin cream.
- 1 min
Mia Farrow Googling a Black Daughter
#Tim recounts a claim that Mia Farrow googled to find a photo of a black child to adopt, joking about her having too many kids to track.
3moments
- Mia Farrow adopted a Black daughter and posted a birthday photo without remembering her name.
- Tim reads that Farrow allegedly Googled 'Mia Farrow Black daughter' to find a photo of her own child.
- Farrow has so many kids from so many places she can't keep track of them all.
Mia FarahSerena Williams
- 1 min
Bombing Syria and the End of the Bitcoin Story
#Tim jokes that renewed US bombing of Syria coincides with the bitcoin/GameStop hype dying down, and complains about losing money on AMC stock.
3moments
- Tim woke up every day upset that bombs weren't dropping on hospitals in Syria.
- He asked when America could do a fake war with Syria and just bomb the hell out of it.
- The Syria bombing started because the Bitcoin story is over — once meme stocks tanked, the media needed a new distraction.
- 1 min
Dave Portnoy's BFFs Podcast and the 'Fire' Kid
#Tim complains he can't get on Dave Portnoy's podcast and mocks a TikToker kid who responds to everything with 'that's fire,' including a dinner story.
3moments
- Tim tried multiple times to get on Dave Portnoy's BFFs podcast but Portnoy won't have him on because of the TikToker co-host.
- Tim had dinner with the 'Fire' kid and watched him respond to everything with 'that's fire,' including when asked about calamari.
- Tim contrasts the trivial podcast dynamics with actual world events like bombing Syria.
BFFSDave Portnoy
- 2 min
Endless Wars and Adam Curtis's Hyper Normalization
#Tim riffs on the US bombing Yemen and Syria without clear justification, comparing it to old ISIS-era propaganda, then critiques Adam Curtis's documentary style for stating the obvious.
5moments
- The U.S. continues to let Saudi Arabia carpet bomb Yemen without explanation or stated purpose.
- East Cleveland has more violence and chaos than Damascus, yet the focus stays on bombing Syria.
- Now wars get announced casually on Twitter instead of through carefully constructed false pretexts.
- Adam Curtis's documentaries explain how the world got this way, but Tim is exhausted by the diagnosis without solutions.
- The real question isn't why things look broken — it's how to get out of a system where no one believes anything anymore.
- 4 min
Clubhouse App: Weinsteins, Wokeness, and QAnon
#Tim describes the audio app Clubhouse, where woke users ambush the Weinstein brothers for Venmo reparations, and jokes about a room he did with Ray about lack of diversity at the Capitol riot and building a wheelchair ramp for QAnon followers.
7moments
- Tim hopes the Weinstein brothers have forgiven him on Clubhouse, promises to mention them on every podcast until full-scale war breaks out.
- Clubhouse is an audio-only invite app where woke people call the Weinsteins on stage and demand money via Venmo while calling them genocialists.
- Some users literally tell white people they're not allowed to speak and demand: just hit my Venmo, with some actually complying.
- The app has wildly different rooms: some debating whether Cobra Kai is too white, others on Bitcoin, and Tim's serious rooms like becoming a cancer influencer or building a brand while imprisoned for statutory rape.
- The alt-right arrived on Clubhouse after CPAC invited them, which Tim says he needed because he was getting bored.
- Ray made the point that if Capitol rioters had time to build gallows for Pence, they could have installed wheelchair ramps.
- Tim argues the Q movement needs autistic, indigenous, and differently-abled members to feel welcome and help assassinate Nancy Pelosi with a letter opener.
ClubhouseQAnonWeinstein BrothersJanuary 6Nancy PelosiCobra Kai
- 2 min
Vaccine Rollout Anxiety and Family Fallout
#Tim worries the vaccine rollout means seeing family again soon, references a viral moment where he insulted his aunt, and segues into praise from relatives for 'nailing' her.
6moments
- Tim recalls quarantine starting with dolphins returning to canals, ending with a Viking-horned insurrectionist trying to kill AOC with a pen
- Pandemic-era poem about learning to listen to each other turned out to be purely aspirational
- Tim expresses nervousness about vaccination speed, worried it will force him to see family again
- He's monitoring Thanksgiving vaccination rates like a hawk, wishing they'd slow down the inoculations
- Tim destroyed his relationship with his aunt but his entire Irish family secretly texted him approval for it
- The sheath underwear tangent begins
- 2 min
An ad for Sheath Underwear, riffing extensively on genital configurations and gender identity before landing on the veteran-owned company and promo code.
6moments
- Tim admits he didn't know what monday.com does even after reading the full ad copy.
- Sheath underwear is fundamentally just underwear with a pouch for support.
- Tim catalogs every possible genital configuration that can benefit from the product, from people with penises and balls to custom surgical arrangements.
- The company can be used as swimsuits, and works regardless of what kind of genitalia someone has or wants to stick in the pouch.
- The founder is a comedy fan and a military veteran who started the company after returning from Iraq.
- Use code TIM at sheathunderwear.com to save 20 percent off.
- 2 min
A BetterHelp ad drifts into jokes about Dan's college graduation sadness over beer pong tournaments ending, positioned as needing therapy.
5moments
- Tim marvels that BetterHelp would agree to sponsor the show given their long history together.
- BetterHelp is counseling for when you're sad or mad.
- Dan graduated college and couldn't handle leaving beer pong tournaments, so he needed therapy.
- Tim describes Dan having to leave Florida, put on shoes, and become a human being after college as genuinely sad and challenging.
- Tim lists the conditions that warrant calling BetterHelp: sadness, anger, anxiety, or a loveless marriage.
- 2 min
Bitcoin Losers and Dylan Farrow's Missed GameStop Windfall
#Tim mocks unemployed people obsessed with bitcoin and dogecoin, laments missing the GameStop short squeeze, and jokes about Dylan Farrow making millions on GameStop instead.
4moments
- Tim describes bitcoin enthusiasts as unemployed losers, noting the excitement level is directly proportional to having nothing else going on in life.
- Ben thinks he's Warren Buffett with $750, goes to his basement after sex to stare at Dogecoin on Reddit for three hours.
- Tim got on the GameStop train late and got thrown off it, could have made money if Ben had caught the meme stock early.
- Tim imagines Dylan Farrow making $19 million on a GameStop short squeeze instead of doing her documentary about Woody Allen.
- 3 min
Ancient Irish Therapists and a Homophobic Diagnosis
#Ben and Tim discuss elderly, out-of-touch therapists, including one who suggested mushrooms and another who diagnosed teenage Tim as a 'homosexual who loves George W. Bush.'
6moments
- Tim's therapist was too old and confused, asking what Uber is while he was trying to tell her a story.
- When he mentioned doing mushrooms, she responded by talking about sautéing mushrooms and peppers with her husband, and made a joke about domestic violence.
- Tim had an Irish therapist at age 14 who concluded his diagnosis was that he was homosexual but also loved George W. Bush.
- Tim's response to the therapist was that he wanted to support Bush's Iraq strategy and also wanted to perform oral sex, confused about why those things contradicted each other.
- People in Florida don't even consider therapy as an option—they just go to bars like the Land Shark instead.
- Tim insists Florida is the greatest state in the union, though he acknowledges it's probably not objectively true.
- 4 min
Ben's Dark East Cleveland Commentary and the Real Housewives of Cleveland
#Ben's grim observations about East Cleveland crime paired with Chris Hedges on the car radio, followed by a bit imagining a low-rent Real Housewives of Cleveland franchise.
10moments
- Ben is described as demonic and makes a dark opening line about East Cleveland upon arriving.
- Ben delivers the line about people in East Cleveland murdering crackheads with characteristic vape-wielding deadpan.
- Tim and Ben drive around East Cleveland listening to Chris Hedges speeches about societal collapse.
- Tim asks when Cleveland was thriving, citing the Rockefellers, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and Millionaires Row.
- The Real Housewives of Cleveland sketch begins with the observation that cast members winter and summer in Cleveland.
- Tim satirizes a housewife named Dawn bragging about having two working cars and a husband employed at a tile factory before it burned down.
- The hottest woman on Real Housewives of Cleveland would simply be someone who can afford insulin for type 1 diabetes.
- Tim mocks the typical reality show tagline format with a Cleveland version about affording diabetes medication.
- Tim observes that Cleveland residents are so beaten down by poverty that gender becomes irrelevant.
- The riff concludes with crude anatomical commentary about poverty-stricken people in the city.
The Real Housewives of ClevelandChris HedgesEast ClevelandBen AveryRock and Roll Hall of FameDanThe Rockefellers
- 1 min
An ad for ShipStation shipping software, drifting into jokes about selling stolen goods and his mother telling him to lie about a dead relative to skip homework.
2moments
- Tim suggests using ShipStation to sell stolen goods, undergarments, and garbage art your kids make.
- Tim notes the plan fell apart when his mother realized his grandmother worked at the school.
- 2 min
Tim complains about fighting sponsors over censored jokes, recounting how Magic Spoon rejected dark jokes about child abuse being cut from the ad copy.
4moments
- Tim's producer explains that ad copy now requires approval from sponsors, and they have to fight to keep jokes in.
- Magic Spoon cereal pulled their sponsorship after rejecting content about children being abused, killed, or sexually assaulted in ads.
- The entire concept of Magic Spoon, Tim argues, is targeting people whose abusive childhoods were punctuated by nice cereal breakfasts as the only bright spot.
- Tim describes an edited-out ad bit about a child tied to a radiator, beaten, and run over repeatedly by a car — material he felt made cereal seem appealing.
- 4 min
The Airbnb Hosts' Instagram Beef and Joe Rogan
#Tim revisits his feud with the Airbnb hosts (Scottsdale ladies) who blocked him after he threatened them, and their instagram jab welcoming Joe Rogan instead of him.
10moments
- Tim's been silenced after the Airbnb situation—kept in a room with cigarettes, let out once a week.
- The Airbnb hosts never sued but posted on Instagram welcoming Joe Rogan anytime.
- Tim's response to the hosts' Instagram story defending Rogan with insults about their house and their lifestyle.
- The hosts attacked him on Instagram after he threatened to kill them, then blocked him like children.
- Tim doesn't like the alliance forming between Joe Rogan and the two Airbnb hosts.
- When you're older you realize the value of going to war with every person you've ever saved.
- Tim and his crew got in trouble for cutting the line at Whataburger, didn't even know the line existed.
- Texas tough guys complain on Facebook groups like "Neighbors Uncensored" about everyday incidents.
- "Neighbors Uncensored" in Texas is coded language for venting racial anxiety about new residents.
- Tim mocks the type of post on Neighbors Uncensored: expressing nervousness about new neighbors' children playing basketball in the street.
- 4 min
An ExpressVPN ad drifts into an elaborate riff about using it to watch Japanese Netflix and a bizarre fantasy roleplay involving ASMR with his own voice.
6moments
- Netflix hides thousands of shows based on location while raising prices
- Tim prays listeners use ExpressVPN specifically to watch Japanese Netflix
- Tim jokes about what circle of hell is reserved for him after reading the ad
- Anime ASMR is big on Patreon, with animated characters performing ASMR
- Tim fantasizes about a hot woman speaking with his exact voice for ASMR purposes
- Tim and his co-host roleplay a date scenario with ASMR-style dialogue
NetflixExpressVPNPatreonJapanese NetflixSpotify
- 2 min
Patreon, Anime ASMR, and the Melanie Callback
#Discussion of Patreon's lineup of shows including anime ASMR content, followed by a running joke about an unresolved promise to call a fan named Melanie.
3moments
- Tim spoke to Melanie the other day and she's hopefully coming to visit and podcast in March.
- Cleveland is wild — three years ago somebody named Melanie, and they're still going to do something about it but haven't found the time.
- Tim was laying on a ventilator wondering about the Melanie callback situation.
- 1 min
What There Is to Do in Cleveland
#Tim and Ben discuss their unremarkable outings in Cleveland like the Flying Fig restaurant and dismiss the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
3moments
- Tim hasn't left his house in four months living in Cleveland
- There's not much to do in the city that doesn't involve cooking crystal meth and smoking it in an alley
- He has no interest in walking through the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to see exhibits about the Ramones
- 11 min
Remembering Bud Munster
#An extended eulogy-like story about Tim's late friend Bud Munster, covering boating accidents, drug use, sitting together through a gruesome murder trial, Bud's suicide, and his lasting influence on Tim's life and career.
14moments
- Tim's friend Bud Munster died—he was the father of Tim's friend Joe and a character known for partying, boating, and drug use.
- Bud's wife asked him to get a job; he responded "what am I gonna work like some loser."
- Bud's death was likely suicide; he texted his family "my life of service is over" before doing it.
- Bud's son replied "okay take care" to the suicide text, having no idea his father was serious because Bud used to threaten it all the time.
- Tim might cancel the show to fly down and do Bud's eulogy because Bud introduced him to places like Lisa's Lounge and The Helm.
- Without Bud's influence during Tim's decade of drug addiction and financial ruin, he would have gone to liberal arts school and become a fat activist or transitioned.
- Bud attended a murder trial with Tim every day when Tim was 25—the defendant stabbed the victim so many times the coroner stopped counting at 65.
- The court let Bud attend sentencing because they thought he was a family member of the victim.
- After the trial, Tim and Bud crashed Bud's boat into a bridge piling; bleeding, Bud told Tim "I'm trying to kill myself."
- Bud lived a wild life—he sold cocaine with George Young, hung out in Fort Lauderdale when it was full of quaaludes, and rarely had jobs.
- Tim likes people who don't work because there's something nice about finding someone home at 11am on a Tuesday ready to do something.
- Bud built a house in Georgia that looks insane—uneven, walls that don't make sense, literally like a maze built by someone on drugs.
- Tim wonders how his family escaped death while everyone else dies, then praises Cleveland despite its population dressing in Reynolds wrap and serving fake fish.
- Tim believes Cleveland's best days are ahead of it, and also believes that about Bud Munster.
- 1 min
Closing: Cleveland's Best Days Ahead and Sign Off
#Tim closes by joking that Cleveland's best days are ahead, comparing it to his hope for Bud Munster, then thanks the crowd and promotes Ben Avery and Dan Carney.
1moment
- Tim thanks the audience and wraps up the show, promoting his guests' stand-up careers.