Episode 231 · The Ben Avery Era
#231 - Giuliani And The River of Gold | The Tim Dillon Show
Dec 20, 2020 · 1:34:28 · 421,000 views · 35 segments, 232 moments indexed
Live from Brooklyn, its Tim and Ray Kump. They talk about NYC taking a turn for the worst, a conversation Tim overheard at lunch from a former New York Senator, and why Youtubers should start their own currency.
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- 2 min
Cold Open: Ray Kump Guests, Agents and 'Opportunities'
#Tim jokingly hypes up getting a guest on the show and introduces Ray Kump; they riff on how useless agents have become, disguising nothing offers as opportunities.
5moments
- Tim opens the show live from an undisclosed location in Brooklyn.
- Everything is backed up because of COVID — can't get pans at Williams Sonoma, can't get furniture, can't get podcast guests.
- Tim claims he went to CAA and twisted every arm and greased every palm to get Ray Kump on the show.
- Tim's agent called him today with a pitch disguised as opportunities rather than actual career help.
- Tim thought his agent was telling him he booked Curb, but it turned out to be a generic pitch for "opportunities."
Ray KumpCurb
- 3 min
Lakeith Stanfield 'Likes' Him and Fake Hollywood Opportunities
#Tim and Ray dissect the absurdity of agents calling with fake opportunities, like a celebrity liking him on Rogan, comparing it to a friend egging you on with a girl.
9moments
- Lakeith Stanfield saw Tim on Rogan and thinks he's funny, leading to vague suggestions about writing a buddy cop film together.
- Tim compares the setup to a friend encouraging him to hit on a girl who once thanked him in high school.
- Someone at Danny McBride's company, a documentary division guy, is also supposedly a fan and wants to set up meetings about undefined 'opportunities.'
- Tim explains these aren't real opportunities—just famous people who liked him online, no different than someone signing up for his Patreon.
- He compares it to getting a call about Sharon Stone drinking heavily and being into QAnon as a potential collaboration.
- Tim riffs on Kevin Spacey losing custody of his children as a supposed 'opportunity'—people spiraling, not people on their way up.
- A famous person thinking he's funny means nothing without an actual project or creative collaboration on the table.
- Real interest would be offering him a concrete idea or plugging him into something specific, not just saying Lakeith saw him on Rogan.
- Tim imagines sitting down with one of these contacts and having them suggest Candace Owens for his show.
Kevin SpaceyTom HanksLakeith StanfieldSharon StoneCAAJoe RoganDanny McBride
- 2 min
The Camera Store Sales Analogy
#Tim compares agent calls to a desperate retail job where a boss makes you cold-call old camera customers, riffing on a coked-up commission salesman needing money before getting his head busted in.
5moments
- Tim got addicted to watching Candace Owens on the internet.
- He tells his agents he'll only discuss real opportunities, not spec pilots like writing with Lakeith Stanfield for free.
- Tim would respect it more if they just called and said there's no good news instead of fake meetings.
- Casting directors won't touch him because of his podcast appearance with Alex Jones—too much heat.
- Back when Tim worked retail selling cameras, his boss made him cold-call old customers to upsell them new equipment when business was slow.
- 3 min
Aunt Donna's Weird Christmas Gifts
#Tim describes his Aunt Donna sending him a Greyhound bus ornament and a conspiracy board game, riffing on the passive-aggressive implications of the gifts.
9moments
- Tim needs $70 commission from an $8,000 camera sale or he'll get his head busted in by people he owes money to.
- Real estate and talent agents are usually rich kids because nobody who actually needed money would get into those businesses.
- Agent jobs are where the black sheep of wealthy families end up—the ones whose siblings are at Johns Hopkins, Goldman Sachs, or major ad agencies.
- Aunt Donna sent Tim a Greyhound tour bus ornament for his Christmas tree.
- The gift felt like a dig—a reminder that no matter what he achieves, she thinks of him as a dirty bus instead of a Range Rover.
- Tim compares the bus ornament to giving a recovering heroin addict a syringe ornament for the tree.
- Aunt Donna still remembers when Tim was a drug addict and carries that salt with her, even though he's trying to move past it.
- Aunt Donna also sent Tim a conspiracy board game, which he found baffling and didn't even bother examining.
- Tim questions what Aunt Donna is trying to say by sending him a conspiracy board game as a present.
- 6 min
David Dobrik's Puzzle Grift and YouTube Philanthropy
#They discuss David Dobrik's $100,000 puzzle as disguised gambling, comparing him to Willy Wonka for poor people, and question the ethics of YouTube giveaway philanthropy versus genuinely needy people online.
10moments
- David Delbert's $100,000 puzzle game sold 17,000 units in an hour—he's essentially selling lottery tickets.
- He's like the Willy Wonka for poor people, showing up with Lambos occasionally.
- Giving cars and cash to financially unstable people creates real harm.
- YouTube philanthropy from creators like Dobrik and Jeffree Star—people tweet at them asking for help with rent and medical bills.
- Nobody quite knows why these people have the money they do, or why David Dobrik specifically has it.
- Dobrik's not really giving away Lambos; he's a Lambo salesman and advertiser.
- The whole thing is a grift—but at a certain wealth level, people expect you to give them things no matter what.
- Oprah and Ellen started this trend of 'look under your seat'—once you hit that money threshold, you're expected to hand out stuff.
- The people in Ellen and Oprah's audiences couldn't be less deserving—upper-middle-class people with nothing better to do.
- Dobrik profited about $350,000 from the puzzle game, selling that many units in one hour.
David DobrikEllen DeGeneresOprah WinfreyYouTube philanthropyJeffree StarKristen Bell
- 2 min
Pitching a Pedophile-Proof Furby
#A dark riff imagining a redesigned Furby toy with a smaller mouth to deter pedophiles, debating whether to market it openly.
8moments
- Tim's agent says Lakeith Stanfield sees him as a pedophile dog and thinks it's great
- Someone at Danny McBride's company who is a pedophile sent a Discord message really liking the doll
- Tim considers whether the doll could work as something only kids would wear but decides against pursuing it
- Comparing past kid fads: snap bracelets that had metal in them and got pulled from shelves
- Tim had pogs, including an O.J. Simpson slammer with a gun engraving on the back
- Fidget spinners were everywhere for one year, then became nothing
- YouTubers claiming to have OCD buy advanced fidget spinners with knobs, rounds, and gears
- Showing someone from history a picture of the future with everyone fidgeting with gadgets would look bizarre
- 2 min
Fidget Spinners, Pogs, and Kid Fad Nostalgia
#Tim and Ray reminisce about childhood fads like Pogs and Snap bracelets, then mock the fidget spinner craze as a tool for medicated kids.
6moments
- Tim on Bitcoin: he knows as much now as he did five years ago, which is nothing.
- Bitcoin might eventually become useful, but nobody's actually using it yet despite years of hype.
- Bitcoin nerds have been tweeting at him for years calling him a hater whenever it drops.
- Tim: blockchain currencies could work if banks and the Fed don't shut them down first.
- Tim announces he's starting a cryptocurrency with David Dobrik.
- David Dobrik goes to Compton handing out his new currency "DoughBox" after fake COVID tests.
- 1 min
Bitcoin Skepticism
#Tim admits he doesn't understand Bitcoin and has been hated on for years for being skeptical, while entertaining whether blockchain could eventually be adopted.
3moments
- Tim fantasizes about being installed in a foreign government based on his appearance, concluding only the shittiest ones like Ireland would work.
- Ireland's CIA equivalent is just guys who set Protestant baby strollers on fire, according to Tim's description.
- Tim does an Irish politician impression as 'Patio Flanagan,' a new senator from Derry running on nationalist rhetoric.
- 2 min
David Dobrik's Currency and Becoming an Irish Senator
#Riffing on Dobrik starting his own cryptocurrency 'DohBucks' handed out in Compton, spiraling into a bit about Tim infiltrating the Irish government as a corrupt senator.
5moments
- Tim explains he's in New York because Artie's Fish, a seafood restaurant he loves, reopened.
- He visited his mother through the window of a mental institution and she asked if the new president would keep giving her Trump's $1200 stipend.
- Artie's contacted Tim on Instagram to let him know they were back, so he got on a plane immediately.
- Tim dismisses media claims about military checkpoints at bridges and tunnels, saying there's none of that.
- Alfonse D'Amato, an 82-year-old senator from Island Park where Tim grew up, walks into Artie's while they're eating.
Artie's FishAlfonse D'Amato
- 2 min
Encountering Al D'Amato at Artie's Restaurant
#Tim recounts flying to New York for a reopened seafood restaurant and running into 82-year-old former Senator Al D'Amato, introducing his absurd bio and book title 'Power, Pasta and Politics.'
4moments
- Al D'Amato was the last Republican senator for New York, served from 1981 to 1999, and his only charity involvement is with the Poker Players Alliance.
- D'Amato wrote a book titled "Power Pasta and Politics: The World According to Senator Al D'Amato."
- At Artie's Restaurant, D'Amato blamed Rudy Giuliani for Trump's election loss, calling him a snake with no loyalty and saying he made Giuliani's career.
- D'Amato claimed Trump doesn't pay his workers, and the restaurant owner confirmed Trump owed his friend $80,000 but only gave him $60,000.
Alfonse D'AmatoRudy GiulianiPoker Players AllianceDonald TrumpPower, Pasta and Politics
- 2 min
D'Amato Trashes Giuliani Over Lunch
#Tim describes D'Amato ripping into Rudy Giuliani as a disloyal scumbag who screwed over a restaurant owner, tying it to Trump's own reputation for not paying people.
6moments
- Tim explains why he doesn't get emotionally invested in politics—they're all criminals, including Giuliani who prosecuted the mob but then worked for Trump.
- Anyone from New York who knew Trump understood he had no empathy for the working man; it was common knowledge even before he was famous.
- D'Amato spent most of their lunch unloading on Giuliani, which Tim found funny.
- Bush's famous post-9/11 speech on the microphone is what people remember, not anything Giuliani said.
- Giuliani did do a good job with New York, though the 1990s economy improved for many reasons including Disney's investment in the city.
- Giuliani deserves credit for good things he did for New York at the time, but has since become a goon—revealing who he was all along.
- 2 min
Giuliani's 9/11 Legacy and the 'River of Gold'
#Tim questions what Giuliani actually did on 9/11 beyond speeches, then riffs on a bizarre true story about diverting rescue efforts to recover molten gold from the rubble.
4moments
- Tim recalls Giuliani's 2008 presidential campaign, where he brought up 9/11 in response to every question.
- Story about firefighters discovering a river of molten gold under Tower 7 after 9/11, leading Giuliani to redirect rescue efforts.
- Tim's take: America's mayor prioritized finding gold over recovering firefighter bodies in the rubble.
- Tim pitches a children's book concept: 'Rudy Giuliani and the River of Gold,' like a creepy Harry Potter knockoff.
- 2 min
D'Amato vs. Jimmy the Steakhouse Owner
#More lunch gossip about D'Amato trying to get free steaks with a gift card and getting into it with a drunk restaurant owner named Jimmy, tying into the theme that politics is just a hustle for perks.
6moments
- D'Amato unloading on Jimmy Hayes at lunch, claiming the steakhouse owner across the street was drunk at the bar giving him grief.
- D'Amato complains he's been going to the restaurant for 40 years but says the food is still worth recommending if he can never go again.
- Tim describes the meal: tuna tartare, buffalo calamari, tuna tidbits, swordfish, and Seoul at a dump of a resort in Rosemalo.
- Tim questions why so many people are getting covered lately just for eating fish, wondering if anyone even dies from ciguatera anymore.
- Tim's aunt Donna collects tragedies and is always ready with freak cases like someone turning blue from fish poisoning.
- Tim wonders if ciguatera coverage is a gift for people whose kids died of overdoses, as a way to distract from their grief.
Southwest Virgin Island ParkJimmy HayesD'Amato
- 3 min
COVID Deaths and Family Excuses
#A dark comedic riff on people using COVID as a cover story for other causes of death, like overdoses or being killed in jail, illustrated through a fictional aunt's stories.
6moments
- Tim describes a 24-year-old named John who died of COVID in jail, setting up the absurdity of using the disease as a cover story.
- Listing the symptoms that appeared before the death—lesions, stealing money, accusations—as if COVID itself causes theft and false molestation claims.
- Tim pivots to praising D'Amato's political commentary about Biden and Ukraine, saying he gets it right even when wrong.
- American politics is a goon squad of legalized bribery and corruption, descended from literal organized crime.
- Politicians at lunch sound like criminals; Tim goes to a restaurant with a gift card and witnesses someone trying to run a scam with it.
- Politics in America ultimately comes down to trying to score a few free steaks.
Council on Foreign RelationsJoe BidenJoe D'Amato
- 2 min
Frank the Tour Guide's 9/11 Meltdown
#Tim tells an old story from his double-decker bus tour guide days about a coworker named Frank who snapped and insisted firefighters were cowardly during 9/11.
6moments
- Tim recalls a memorable anecdote from his three years leading tours on a double-decker bus in New York City.
- Frank, an intense but generally easygoing tour guide, suddenly erupted during a downtown route.
- A passenger praised firefighters as heroes, prompting Frank to claim he was there and call them cowards.
- Frank insists firefighters and cops were running out of the buildings because they didn't save anybody and were crying.
- The bus passengers were disturbed by how matter-of-fact and uncharacteristic Frank's outburst was.
- Tim notes he'd never seen someone flip so quickly and describes it as phenomenal.
- 4 min
A Ridge Wallet sponsor read that derails into Tim admitting he's never actually held or seen a Ridge Wallet despite advertising it for a year, and joking about pulling out a wallet on air.
8moments
- Tim opens his email address for product advertising inquiries, explaining the path to the big leagues is spending money to make money.
- Ridge wallet is a minimal front pocket wallet designed to streamline daily carry with just essentials: cards, business card, maybe a lawyer's contact, and crisp cash.
- Ridge offers lifetime warranty, free returns, and comes in titanium, carbon fiber, aluminum, and over a dozen styles and colors.
- Tim admits he has never actually seen or held a Ridge wallet and has no familiarity with the physical product, yet claims he's done a very good job selling it anyway.
- Upon examining the wallet for the first time on air, Tim expresses "I don't like this" before being reminded the ad still needs to go to sponsors.
- Tim objects that he can't have fun with the ads anymore after his initial negative reaction, worried people will take it seriously and blame the sponsors.
- Tim demonstrates the wallet's capacity by pulling out multiple cards, then discovers a Westin hotel card and jokes about infidelity.
- Tim insists he be allowed to do the bits, claiming he knows what's funny and has been doubted and disrespected for too long in his advertising approach.
- 3 min
Tim promotes Greg Carlwood's conspiracy interview podcast The Higher Side Chats, describing its range of topics from MK Ultra to hollow earth theories.
8moments
- Tim introduces Greg Carlwood and The Higher Side Chats, claiming he's listened to the show legitimately and finds it good.
- Higher Side Chats covers underground military bases and tunnels, with a friend having sent Tim one of the episodes.
- Show features interviews on conspiracy topics including MK Ultra, false flags, secret societies, aliens, hollow earth, and Tesla technology.
- Tim describes it as a show about living your best life despite scams and schemes of the nefarious elite.
- Tim appreciates that Carlwood gives everyone a hearing, even when conspiracy claims seem implausible or crazy.
- Tim argues there needs to be shows like this all over the place that platform counterculture voices.
- The podcast covers vastly different conspiracy content—economy, health policy, medicine, technology, underground bases.
- Tim regularly puts on Higher Side Chats episodes when traveling on planes.
Greg CarlwoodHigher Side ChatsDavid IckeGraham HancockWhitney Webb
- 3 min
NYC's Pandemic Outdoor Dining Sheds
#Tim describes New York's makeshift outdoor dining structures looking like horse stalls, and questions the logic of outdoor tents versus proper ventilation, while noting declining restaurant quality catering to tourists.
9moments
- NYC outdoor dining sheds look like horse stalls or Christmas tree stands built from wood and plastic.
- Tim questions how virus transmission supposedly doesn't happen in tents or uninsulated outdoor buildings.
- Companies avoid opening because installing proper negative airflow filtration systems is prohibitively expensive.
- Quality of NYC dining has declined precipitously since the pandemic.
- Restaurants now target foreign tourists and corporate expense accounts rather than locals saving for special occasions.
- Celebrity chefs from the 90s left their restaurants to build mini empires instead of cooking, replaced by line cooks and sous chefs.
- Corporate money that used to fund strip clubs and company vice in the Mad Men era may have shifted into restaurant spending.
- High-end steakhouses used to have girls who'd hang out; now restaurants charge a thousand dollars for a baked potato with caviar instead.
- The actual baked potato has become expensive garbage to justify inflated bills.
- 3 min
Celebrity Chef Empires and the Decline of Restaurant Quality
#They discuss how celebrity chefs like Wolfgang Puck abandoned actual cooking for branding empires, using a bad meal at Puck's Vegas restaurant as an example.
7moments
- Tim argues chefs now run empires with TV shows and outposts everywhere, sacrificing quality for mogul status.
- Wolfgang Puck's Vegas restaurant Spago was grotesque—Tim went there years ago with a woman named Nicole and the food was terrible.
- Wolfgang Puck was Julia Child's weird creepy friend—described as a seller of children.
- Tim compares chefs to classic rock bands like Led Zeppelin and The Who, saying they trade on early success and put goat cheese on pizza once.
- When restaurants hype themselves and tell people they have to go there, it's rarely actually that good.
- Tim prefers Desire Oyster Bar in the Royal Sonesta Hotel over the hyped Acme in New Orleans—same quality, no line, better rolls and butter sauce.
- The hype around anything in modern culture destroys it through endless marketing and the hype machine.
- 3 min
Influencer PR Disasters and Bringing Kids Near Tim
#Riffing on the fallout from Dobrik's puzzle and imagining no PR team would ever let him near influencers like the D'Amelio sisters given his 9/11 jokes.
7moments
- Suicidal influencers posting their deaths as revenge against celebrities who didn't pay their rent
- Tim says he's supposed to do a show with David Dobrik or the D'Amelio girls but no PR team would allow it
- If mega-famous influencers end up in a room with him, their entire PR strategy has failed catastrophically
- A PR person uses Tim as a warning to clean house—a 300k-follower guy talking about 9/11 near America's sweetheart
- Tim says his first question to Dobrik would be how he became a Willy Wonka for poor people
- Every YouTube video is a creator narrating their own mansion life instead of actually doing anything interesting
- YouTubers are all so rich and famous now that their content is just flexing—a golden toilet becomes the whole video
David DobrikD'Amelio sistersJeffree StarRudy GiulianiWill Sasso
- 2 min
How Do YouTubers Even Get Rich? The Mystery of Fame
#Tim mocks YouTuber lifestyle vlogs for skipping over how they became rich in the first place, wondering about their unseen early years.
6moments
- Tim traces the moment when talent became offensive on the cultural radar.
- Nobody needed to know Judy Garland was a pill-addicted drunk who beat her daughter—the talent was enough.
- Susan Boyle's success marked the point where people stopped wanting pure talent and started wanting relatability instead.
- YouTubers like Shane Dawson offered access to everyday life, comfort, and relatability rather than virtuosity.
- These creators sold their thoughts, feelings, and constant access to their lives as the actual product.
- People shifted from wanting somebody's talent to wanting a friend they could check in on daily.
- 3 min
When Did Talent Become Offensive? Susan Boyle to Shane Dawson
#A theory that culture shifted from valuing raw talent to valuing relatability, coddling, and access to mediocre people's lives, tracing it from Susan Boyle's viral fame to influencer culture.
8moments
- Coddling content and participation trophies created an appetite for what wouldn't have existed when we were kids.
- People watch mukbangs and unboxing videos instead of engaging with literature, movies, or music to pass time.
- Tim doesn't know if the appeal of watching someone gorge themselves is sexual, a repressed desire, or something else entirely dark.
- Stoney, a competitive eater from Long Island, does mukbangs but he's a skinny guy doing it competitively, not sadly.
- The person watching mukbangs is either actually fat or fat at heart, experiencing the lack of filter and judgment they'd get in real life.
- We're allowed to see this content now on platforms when before there wasn't a community or way to view it.
- Tim thinks ASMR is sexual for people—the sounds and feelings trigger something, though he's uncertain if it's purely sexual or just pleasant.
- Most ASMR isn't actually about the dominant sexual claim; people just like how it sounds pleasant, not like self-harm content.
- 3 min
Mukbangs, ASMR, and Watching Strangers Gorge Themselves
#An extended riff wondering what psychological need is fulfilled by watching mukbang eating videos and ASMR content, floating theories about repression and lack of filters.
10moments
- TikTok is divided into two camps: the cringy content with crazy people, and the young hot kids dancing in mirrors.
- Culture now seems determined more than ever by 12-year-old girls.
- The question is what's wrong with 12-year-old girls that they've gone from liking the Beatles to dancing in their house with low standards.
- People in their 30s determine culture through podcasts, MMA, supplements, and weird political discourse that goes nowhere.
- Kids dancing in mirrors isn't necessarily worse than what adults are creating, but the problem is the futility and complete lack of hope in the system.
- Even people talking about how screwed up the system is for decades haven't changed anything, even with someone like Obama.
- Everything gets more fake every year, which breaks the brain and makes you stop caring about any of it.
- Tim bought a vape hoodie for a sketch where he played an influencer and wore it in a clothing store.
- A Black man compliments Tim's appearance in the baby store, the first nice comment he'd ever gotten while buying clothes.
- Putting on the ridiculous hoodie made Tim start saying life is meaningless, but he almost understood hypebeast culture by embracing looking ridiculous in public.
- 2 min
12-Year-Old Girls Run Culture Now
#Tim and Ray discuss how TikTok and youth culture, once driven by artistic movements like the Beatles, now seems dictated by pre-teen girls' low standards.
5moments
- Tim puts on a hypebeat sweatshirt and immediately gets welcomed into the community.
- The only two career paths for kids are becoming a hypebeast or investigating 9/11.
- Real social change in the 20th century required patient work from lawyers and activists over years, not all-or-nothing viral moments.
- The system keeps control by making activism all-or-nothing rather than letting people sustain normal, patient work toward change.
- Putting on a hypebeast hoodie feels like accepting your assigned role in the world.
- 3 min
Buying a Hypebeast Hoodie and Giving Up on Meaning
#Tim recounts buying a ridiculous influencer hoodie for a sketch and having an existential realization about choosing meaningless consumerism over chasing conspiracies like '9/11 truth.'
8moments
- Tim explains how listening to Trump talk made him realize the president doesn't pay anybody and is a crook, and that's just the reality.
- You can either wade through murky waters and keep your soul, or just buy a ridiculous hoodie instead.
- Tim argues that even genuinely accomplished people like David Bowie aren't necessarily much happier or more fulfilled than anyone else.
- People struggle with the gap between the virtues life is supposed to be about—honor, bravery, risk—and the world we've actually created.
- Veterans can't get healthcare, and Tim asks why they can't get the wall they were promised instead.
- Tina 40 is Tim's favorite person because she sells stop-the-steal hats and merch, with everything dovetailing into the same pitch.
- Tim does podcasts and sells merch too, but refuses to tell people everything's going to be okay if they just buy from the online store.
- Tim concludes that the entire Trump movement was just an excuse to sell hats.
Donald TrumpTina 40David BowieJimmy Page
- 1 min
A quick riff wondering if Trump's whole presidency was secretly a merch operation, transitioning into the Honey app ad about automatic promo codes and holiday gift funding.
2moments
- Tim theorizes the entire Trump presidency was a merch operation
- Honey ad: they're giving away one million dollars worth of gifts to help pay for holiday shopping
- 3 min
Tim promotes Magic Spoon cereal's low sugar and high protein stats while ribbing Ben for showing up underdressed to the new studio.
7moments
- Honey browser extension lets you know when prices drop on your wishlist.
- Tim pitches Magic Spoon cereal ahead of New Year's resolutions.
- Magic Spoon specs: zero grams of sugar, 11 grams of protein, keto-friendly and grain-free.
- The fruity flavor tastes exactly like Froot Loops.
- Tim criticizes his co-host's appearance, saying he shows up ready to work while they look like garbage.
- Supporting the show and your immune system by avoiding excess sugar in your diet.
- Tim demands his co-host take the new studio seriously and dress appropriately.
- 3 min
Trump's Post-Presidency and Losing the Rally High
#Speculating on Trump's future after leaving office, arguing his 'magic' was making the implausible plausible and that without rallies he'll just seem like a crank playing golf.
10moments
- Trump's post-presidency will likely see him as a Republican Party figurehead, possibly still running despite being 'crazy enough.'
- Tim doubts conspiracy theories about Trump's arrest but acknowledges he might be smart to flee to a country with no extradition.
- Trump will decompress and move permanently to Mar-a-Lago, but losing access to rallies will kill him.
- The rallies were everything—Trump was a grifter who became a god through the in-person crowd experience he'd never had before.
- Trump's real magic was making the implausible plausible—the idea that a guy like him could win and be president.
- Without the presidency, he becomes just a crank yelling, and people lose investment because the crank is no longer in power.
- Tim suspects Trump believes he's running in 2024 but doubts he'll make it alive given his diet and alleged drug use.
- Narcissism might be the ultimate survival mechanism—a soulless narcissist grips life better than anyone else.
- Trump will play golf, get fat, tweet constantly, and be ignored—no longer remarkable.
- Eventually people will remark how much damage Trump could still do despite being out of power.
- 1 min
Perpetual War as Economic Necessity
#A cynical riff arguing endless American wars exist to deplete military stockpiles for defense contractors rather than to stimulate the broader economy.
3moments
- Tim predicts the Biden-Harris administration will likely start a war to address economic problems.
- America has maintained perpetual war for 60 to 75 years, but the model that worked in WWII no longer actually stimulates the broader economy.
- The economy is structured so that war is necessary every 10 years to deplete military stockpiles and keep defense contractors profitable.
- 3 min
Fantasies of Aging, Hunting, and Setting a Deer on Fire
#Tim and Ray discuss wanting to move somewhere rural to hunt, spiraling into an absurd bit about using a grenade launcher or potato gun on deer, with Ray doing a hunting-guide impression.
11moments
- Tim explains his plan to age by going to the woods as an Eagle Scout.
- He and Ben are deciding where to relocate—somewhere cold like Vermont or upstate New York.
- Tim wants to start hunting and spend more time doing things in nature.
- Using grenades to hunt deer seems appealing to him.
- Discussion of whether a potato gun could kill a deer in the head.
- Rogan podcast scenario: asking if you can shoot a deer with a potato gun.
- Setting a deer on fire and the legal obstacles preventing it.
- Tim calls his guest incredibly fat and suggests a ketogenic diet and interval training.
- Asking a hunter if they've ever personally hated a specific deer and wanted it to die.
- Emotions are a problem when hunting—you need to remember the mechanics of what you're doing.
- Tim asks if he's allowed to do the show now.
- 4 min
Tim discusses plans for a free YouTube livestream on New Year's Eve instead of charging fans, and gripes about YouTube's content restrictions on playing clips or music.
8moments
- Tim and Ray Kump planning a New Year's Eve livestream, trying to figure out logistics.
- Tim doesn't want to hit people for more money right now after recent merch sales and ongoing Patreon support.
- YouTube livestream planned for New Year's Eve, possibly two-and-a-half hours, maybe with optional Super Chats enabled.
- Future live events will offer free access via email for those who can't afford tickets, following Sam Harris's model.
- Tim's skepticism about whether his fans would actually use the free email option, suspecting they'd do it as a bit.
- Eventually planning to build a ticketed platform like Segura and Bird use, allowing unrestricted content without YouTube's limitations.
- A paid platform would allow completely uncensored livestreams where they could play any clips and do anything without content restrictions.
- Ray asking Tim what he's doing on New Year's Eve and who he'll be watching.
- 1 min
Tweeting Fake Tragedies at Jeffree Star for Money
#A bit imagining creating fake sob-story Twitter accounts targeting Jeffree Star for handouts, riffing on absurd tragic backstories.
3moments
- Tim's dad fired off one final tweet to Jeffree Star asking for money.
- Jeffree Star's reaction to tragedy pitches: the story doesn't resonate with him or speak to him that day.
- Everyone's a makeup guy and everybody's selling makeup.
Jeffree Starmakeup
- 3 min
Ray promotes his Comp podcast and merch, including the 'I am a wine princess' shirt, with some ribbing about his personal life.
6moments
- Tim recommends The Comp Podcast, which he says has grown from a rocky start into something great and absurd.
- The Comp Podcast has become a linchpin of satirical comedy.
- Where to find Comp: Patreon.com, merch featuring a wine bottle with a machete design.
- Follow Ray Kump on Twitter and Instagram at raycomp to join the world of Comp.
- Tim plugs the Tim Dillon Show Patreon for bonus content.
- This episode was recorded in New York City with Ray Kump.
- 5 min
Holiday Advice: Find Real Meaning, Not Corporate Sex
#Tim gives mock sincere holiday advice to stop seeking meaning in corporate entertainment, then drifts into a riff about prison tourism and white women vacationing in converted prisons.
10moments
- Tim's holiday advice: stop looking for meaning in corporate entertainment and corporate sex.
- Find out who you are at your core instead of aspiring to be like Don Draper or Tom Cruise.
- Just be yourself—eat buffalo wings, yell at your kid, love your spouse.
- Tim shifts to discussing Francis Scott Key and the concept of identity, then pivots to prison.
- White women will eventually turn prisons like Angola into bed-and-breakfasts, with people doing selfies in electric chairs.
- Prison is archaic and inhumane, destroying people while operating as a for-profit system.
- The prison system is run by lobbies keeping certain laws in place to maintain incarceration rates.
- The corrections officer lobby opposed marijuana legalization solely to preserve prison jobs.
- The Pope's Instagram account liking OnlyFans girls is likely just a staffer accidentally using the wrong profile.
- Tim jokes that the Pope having heterosexual interests in women would be the healthiest thing to happen to the Catholic Church.
PopeTom Cruiseprison systemFrancis Scott Key
- 2 min
The Pope's Instagram Likes and Hypebeast Pope Fantasy
#Closing riff on a viral story about the Pope liking a bikini photo on Instagram, spiraling into a fantasy of a drugged-out hypebeast Pope wandering LA, before signing off.
4moments
- Pope Francis involved in rape scandal at girls school in Sierra Leone, but should just like bikini photos on Instagram as an alibi
- When abuse victims come forward, the Pope can claim he was just trying to get his dick wet to throw investigators off the scent
- Tim pitches hypebeast Pope concept: pontiff wearing Bathing Ape and designer clothes, claiming salvation comes with fashion brands
- Imagines a Pulitzer Prize-worthy novel about a future Pope as a drugged-out hypebeast walking around Los Angeles in four years
Pope FrancisSierra Leone