Episode 221 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#221 - Epstein's Favorite Podcast | The Tim Dillon Show
Oct 11, 2020 · 1:10:18 · 649,000 views · 19 segments, 138 moments indexed
Tim explains why Arizona is the worst state in the country, Yelp's new social justice initiative, who Jeffrey Epstein's favorite comedians were, documentaries about disenfranchised people, and why he's completely sick of the West.
Watch on YouTubeDiscuss on Reddit
- 2 min
Cold Open: Wrapping Up the Tour, Pandemic Life
#Tim opens from Arizona reflecting on the exhausting grind of touring, deciding to shut things down until spring and lean harder into digital content instead of endless comedy club dates.
9moments
- Tour is wrapping up soon and Tim is done with the constant travel grind.
- Standup is both what he loves and what's destroying his life.
- Airbnbs, rental cars, and planes—he's had enough of that lifestyle.
- Tim plans to lock himself inside for a pandemic regardless of vaccination status.
- He's rejecting a 40-week road schedule in favor of month-long intensive tours with months off.
- Month-long tours reach more people than grinding comedy club after comedy club.
- Club owners gift him regifted AirPods for selling out shows.
- The shows themselves are fun; everything else getting to the stage is the taxing part.
- The pandemic reprioritized his life toward digital content over touring.
- 6 min
Arizona Is the Worst State in the Union
#A sustained rant trashing Arizona's heat, culture, restaurants like the Fried Bread House, and the general vibe of the state, plus a tangent on being sick of red rock canyons and national parks.
9moments
- Tim declares Arizona the worst state in the union with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
- The only good things about Arizona are hot people, aspiring porn stars, and guys running Ponzi schemes in Scottsdale.
- Tim calls the entire state of Arizona an embarrassment and suggests it should be firebombed.
- Phoenix's best restaurant serves fried bread with refried beans, which Tim finds disgusting.
- Tim expresses disgust with the American West's hokey frontier aesthetic and red clay canyons.
- A 24-year-old opening act gushes about natural beauty while Tim insists civilization, not rock formations, is what's actually beautiful.
- Describes Arizona residents as tan, leathery people who spend their lives marinating in vodka.
- Government policy assumes everyone wants to live, but many people's actions suggest otherwise.
- New York City authorities tried to shut down the Hasidic Jews, but they aren't complying with restrictions.
ArizonaGrand CanyonPhoenixScottsdaleZion National ParkLake HavsuNew York CityPacific Palisades+2 more
- 5 min
COVID Lockdowns, Freedom, and the Election
#He riffs on Hasidic Jews resisting NYC lockdowns, blames de Blasio and Cuomo, argues the economy can't be shut down forever, and connects the freedom-vs-lockdown framing to Trump vs Biden.
10moments
- Tim compares charedi Jews to secular people who "don't give a fuck" and says everyone's the same regardless of culture.
- Watched the documentary 'One of Us' about Hasidic Jews and found it presented the same problems as any other divorce drama.
- This country is going to hell and the focus on keeping everyone alive ignores the lack of jobs that actually exist.
- Taking away freedom and trapping people in algorithms and apps will make them rebel because that isn't a life.
- Trump is running on freedom while Biden represents maybe more lockdowns; Americans will vote for freedom because they're deeply uncomfortable with federal government stopping them from working.
- The economy cannot be completely decimated to protect a small number of people; herd immunity may be the only option if no vaccine exists.
- Before COVID, people without healthcare dropped dead and soldiers returned from Iraq without mental health care and killed themselves—was that not tragic too?
- Tim tells himself to act like an adult and acknowledge that everything's tragic and life is suffering in hell.
- If you're immunocompromised or don't want the risk, you don't have to come to his shows—in fact, he'd prefer if responsible people bought tickets and didn't show up.
- Tim's fantasy: sell out venues with no one attending, walk on stage alone to say his fans are responsible, then do Instagram live from the Airbnb.
- 11 min
Tim reacts to Yelp's new feature letting users flag businesses as racist, questioning how it could be abused, tying in police brutality news, and imagining an absurd genocide-themed restaurant to troll the policy.
10moments
- Yelp has stepped in to allow people to identify restaurants as racist, which is America's solution to everything: involving food and dining.
- Yelp will add a racist behavior alert to business pages based on evidence of racist actions, relying on independent news reports.
- Tim describes ordering overcooked steaks at a restaurant in Utah and questions what stops him from falsely claiming the waitress whispered Hitler's name.
- Nobody cares if a restaurant has a racist alert if the food is actually good.
- The restaurants that are actually racist are poor establishments where minorities hate each other, like Korean bodegas that hate Black people.
- Tim refuses to write negative reviews on Airbnb or Yelp because he doesn't want to be a rat and destroy someone's ability to earn money.
- Yelp is solving the problem of racism by letting people identify if a waitress was racist, ignoring that major corporations might sue for this.
- This creeping into every area is just boredom—people don't know what to do, and Yelp is capitalizing on anti-racism sentiment by letting people rat out restaurants.
- Tim imagines opening the most offensive restaurant ever: an oppression-themed establishment with gas chamber tables, SS guard servers, and a Gaza Strip garden serving leftover floor food.
- If the food and pricing were good, people would go to this hypothetical Nazi-themed restaurant, and Tim would eat there alongside others despite its offensive nature.
- 1 min
The Most Offensive Restaurant Ever, Continued
#Continuing the bit, he elaborates on JFK burgers, 9/11 desserts, and Muhammad coloring pages as the ultimate Yelp-proof restaurant concept.
3moments
- The offensive restaurant would hand out crayons and paper to kids, but only if they drew Muhammad.
- Tim argues the restaurant would last maybe a month, but in a mature country it would be hilarious.
- In a mature country, people should be able to eat a meal at a restaurant that makes fun of genocide in a fun way.
- 5 min
Tim and Ben riff on Ben's watch mispronunciation before pitching Ventura Watches, inventing a fake mafia/fascist backstory for the brand as a bit within the sponsor read.
11moments
- Tim asks Ben about his watch and gets the pronunciation "Vincentro" delivered in an inhuman way.
- Ventura watches cost hundreds instead of thousands and look like a million bucks.
- People message Ben constantly asking what watch he's wearing.
- A good watch makes you feel confident sitting down with someone for a cocktail.
- Ventura is offering 20% off the entire order and free shipping with the promo code.
- These watches are the perfect Christmas gift for your wife's brother or sister's husband without going into debt.
- Ventura watches have 23,000 five-star reviews and are an insane value for the money.
- Tim invents a backstory that Ventura was started by an Italian man resisting Mussolini who eventually capitulated.
- The non-fascist children brought Ventura watches to America and became involved in organized crime, racketeering, and murder.
- The Vero family became obsessed with Obama's birth certificate before returning to just selling watches.
- Tim reminds listeners to use the code Tim at venturwatches.com to get 20% off automatically applied at checkout.
Ventura WatchesMussoliniBarack Obama
- 1 min
A read for Manscaped grooming products, including a riff about making Ben shave him before shows and a lawyer objecting.
2moments
- Tim says he uses Manscaped and makes Ben shave his dick before every show with it.
- Manscaped is offering 20% off and free shipping with code timdmanscape.com.
- 2 min
He discusses Trump skipping the second debate, the moved final debate date, early voting enthusiasm for Democrats, and predicts a contested election leading to unrest.
6moments
- Tim on media wishing for the president's death in headlines about worst-case scenarios.
- Running against a corpse removes Tim's emotional investment in either candidate winning.
- Trump drops out of the digital debate; final debate moved to October 29th, days before election.
- Democrats dominating in early voting with clear enthusiasm advantage over Republicans.
- Halloween 2024 won't feel normal because most places canceled trick-or-treating during the pandemic.
- Tim warns a close election outcome could trigger massive protests, riots, and constitutional crisis.
- 4 min
Reading from an article about Epstein's phone contacts, Tim focuses on comedian Bobby Slayton's stories about Epstein and Maxwell, joking about Epstein's taste in comedy.
9moments
- Article about Epstein's black book mentions both his criminal connections and standup comedy, which Tim finds absurd.
- Bobby Slayton was invited to perform at Epstein's 50th birthday party but wasn't paid, only offered flight and hotel.
- Tim riffs on comedians never being respected, even when entertaining powerful figures.
- Ghislaine Maxwell told Slayton 'no women' when he mentioned bringing his wife to the party.
- Epstein invited Slayton to his Palm Beach mansion to talk comedy but wouldn't let him inside the house, only showed him the pool and cars.
- When Slayton suggested visiting Epstein's private island with his wife, Epstein responded 'No, no wives.'
- Tim suggests Epstein would have enjoyed his show and the video where he dressed as Epstein's temple.
- Tim reflects that Epstein appreciated good comedy, and it would be horrible if his taste had been terrible.
- Epstein was a genuine fan of quality standup comedy.
Jeffrey EpsteinBobby SlaytonGhislaine MaxwellBill HicksLewis BlackSam KinisonPalm Beach Improv
- 2 min
Wishing Death on Trump via Headlines
#He mocks media articles seemingly hoping for Trump's death from COVID, comparing it to spontaneous combustion speculation.
7moments
- Articles claim Trump's heart will explode around the two-week mark after his illness.
- Tim notes media outlets will keep running "Trump not out of the woods yet" articles indefinitely if he wins again.
- Tim brings up the possibility that Trump could literally melt, something that's never happened to a coronavirus patient but theoretically could.
- Tim says he wants to see someone burst into fire, preferably the entire state of Arizona.
- He compares his criticism of Arizona to his critiques of Long Island, which he also mocks relentlessly.
- Tim clarifies he's praised Long Island only for clams, bagels, and sandwiches, not for the people or their character.
- He asks whether spontaneous human combustion is real and if it should happen, framing it as "yes or yes."
Yes or yesDonald TrumpLong IslandArizona
- 6 min
Spontaneous Human Combustion Cases
#Tim and Ben go through historical spontaneous combustion cases from Ireland and New York, with Tim mocking Irish credibility and riffing on methane theories.
13moments
- Tim dismisses Irish spontaneous combustion cases as untrustworthy because Ireland believes in banshees and witches.
- Michael Farad supposedly burst into flame—Tim's response is to suggest the house just needed a floor.
- Tim recalls telling an Irish comedian that his grandparents left Ireland because they weren't dogs and didn't want to live in filth.
- Tim concedes he loves Irish culture but admits the Irish are not the most motivated group of people.
- A 1986 case from Crown Point, New York: firefighter George Mott found as charred remains—leg, skull, rib cage pieces.
- Tim suggests the man might have lit himself on fire with a cigarette instead of spontaneously combusting.
- The methane theory: gas builds up in intestines and ignites, though no one has ever actually witnessed it happen.
- Tim notes the state of health he sees traveling the country and admits he's made bad decisions but tried swimming and eating avocados and eggs.
- The amount of obesity is wild; people over four or five hundred pounds are everywhere.
- Tim describes seeing people at rest stops with sunken eyes, victims of poverty and rough childhoods, and admits he feels guilty about his decent life.
- Large sections of the country look like horror movies—you could make a documentary just by pointing a camera at any strip mall with sad music.
- Modern documentary filmmakers get awards just by pointing a camera at someone and letting them talk; it's not hard—go to a bowling alley in Alabama.
- Find someone who's worked at a bowling alley in Alabama for thirty years and ask about their life—instant award-winning documentary material.
Irelandspontaneous combustionGeorge MottMichael Farad
- 3 min
America's Rest Stop Documentaries and Bodily Decay
#He riffs on the visible physical decline of people in small-town America, comparing any rest stop or bowling alley to an instant prestige documentary like October Country or Darwin.
7moments
- Tim praises documentary filmmaking, citing Darwin and October Country as examples of artistic work.
- He criticizes the October Country director for never making anything else after that one film.
- Tim compares his own work—yelling about things with no preparation into a camera he can't operate—to what these documentarians do.
- Upstate New York is tragic; the contrast with downstate's thriving metropolis makes the decay even sadder.
- Factory towns upstate lost jobs to NAFTA and overseas outsourcing, leaving people to languish.
- Tim's aunt got heavily addicted to pills, prompting him and his cousins to write a song mocking her drug use called "Perk-a-Doodle."
- He dismisses the documentary Canard as unimpressive; he's been in nine documentaries in two weeks on the road.
October CountryUpstate New YorkNAFTADarwinBill de Blasio
- 3 min
A Magic Spoon cereal read that spirals into an elaborate fake confession that Tim used to be a cannibal until the cereal saved him, with police accepting his confession.
6moments
- Magic Spoon cereal is a no-sugar, low-carb keto alternative that replicates flavors like Fruity Pebbles and Reese's Puffs without kicking you out of ketosis.
- Tim reveals he was a cannibal before Magic Spoon, used to eat people he killed—hookers and truckers—and cook their flesh.
- After trying Magic Spoon cereal, Tim stopped murdering and eating people.
- When Tim confessed to police, they told him everyone has moments they're not proud of, then all shared Magic Spoon cereal together.
- Magic Spoon is now the official cereal of the police, and a dollar from every box goes to Derek Chauvin's legal fund.
- Tim clarifies none of that is true except the cannibal part—he really did eat people.
Magic Spoon CerealDerek Chauvin
- 2 min
A straightforward-ish read for Hawthorne personalized grooming/fragrance products and their quiz-based customization.
3moments
- Tim opens with an insult: Hawthorne, your skin sucks, everyone hates you, your breath is bad, you smell like shit.
- Tim vouches that Hawthorne products are all-natural and personalized, unlike mass-produced clinical stuff filled with drugs and additives.
- The promo code is Tim for 10% off at hawthorne.co—spelled with an e.
- 5 min
Rest Stop Milkshakes and Telling Kids to Skip College
#He describes gross 'f'real' rest stop milkshakes and trucker food, then tells parents to skip sending kids to college and get them jobs instead, tying back into Arizona's ignorance and comparing it to Long Island.
10moments
- Tell your kid not to go to college—have them work at a rest stop instead of taking out student loans to listen to professors.
- Rest stops sell 'for real' milkshakes that require mixing in a machine, which is what people actually drink on American roads.
- Human traffickers are drinking for real milkshakes and old donuts with flies, beer, and cigarettes at rest stops.
- Tim respects the leathery turquoise-jewelry Arizona woman archetype, a kind of demon he's always found compelling.
- Arizona residents pride themselves on ignorance like Long Island does, which can be terrifying when times are difficult.
- Salt Lake City is desolate with only a few Mormons running businesses; the Marriott family is Mormon and clean people.
- Tim's cousin was excommunicated from the Mormon church at 17 for unclear reasons, and Mormons are strict about it.
- You cannot get excommunicated from Catholicism, but Bill O'Reilly tried to have his wife excommunicated from the church.
- Bill O'Reilly trying to damn his wife to hell forever is one of Tim's favorite things he's ever done, a testament to his character.
- O'Reilly presented himself as fair and balanced while trying to get his wife eternally damned, picturing himself in heaven while she burns below.
Bill O'ReillyArizonaSalt LakeMormonsLong IslandMarriott family
- 2 min
Tim and Ben run through upcoming tour stops and dates before going dark for winter to focus on podcasts and a new YouTube show.
7moments
- Tim announces new tour dates on timdilloncomedy.com and Instagram.
- Tampa shows November 20th-21st are now at full capacity; Sid Splitters is one of his favorite clubs.
- Palm Beach dates are November 22nd-24th.
- Chicago October 27th-28th is moving to the suburbs at Shamberg Improv because downtown clubs aren't at desired capacity.
- Kansas City November 10th-11th is his first time doing comedy there, though he's been through the area as a kid.
- Denver November 12th-14th wraps this leg of the tour.
- The touring schedule makes it harder to do podcasts on the road, so they're returning to base camp to create and innovate.
Dan CarneyShamberg Improv
- 3 min
More Arizona Trashing and a Gastro Pub in Atlanta
#Continuing to bash Arizona as the worst state, then pivoting into a story about being taken to an underwhelming Atlanta gastro pub and gentrified food hall by friends.
6moments
- Tim can't think of a worse state than Arizona, compares it unfavorably to California despite acknowledging Scottsdale has nice mansions.
- His friends Joe and Meg in Georgia took him to a gastro pub in Atlanta, which he was unimpressed by despite their beautiful home and family.
- Tim's restaurant rule: corporate steakhouse or nothing—he needs to recognize the place from other cities and know the menu already.
- Walking around gentrified areas of Atlanta with people drinking cold brew and planning Friendsgiving is the opposite of what he wants to see.
- Tim wants to see where the power and control are, not gastro pubs—he's comparing it to wanting to see dark castles rather than trendy restaurants.
- He should have picked the restaurant himself when visiting someone instead of trusting their recommendations.
ArizonaAtlantaScottsdalePF ChangsGeorgia
- 4 min
Rules of Friendship: Tim Picks the Restaurant
#He and Ben joke about the strict rules of their friendship where Tim always chooses the restaurant and controls the conversation, mocking Ben's suggestion of 'Rock and Egg Cafe.'
5moments
- Tim paid for an expensive dinner and expected to go somewhere nice, but ended up at a food hall food court instead.
- He's over southern food — bacon fried butter bowls, deep fried cornbread, bacon pudding, sausage gravy and grits taste like they belong in a trough.
- Tim finds it tremendously insulting when taken to a restaurant that's not up to his standards.
- Ben has never picked a restaurant and is not allowed to order when they go out.
- The dynamic explained: Tim chooses the restaurants, the food, and the conversation topics. Ben listens, nods, and looks respectable.
- 4 min
Closing Riff: Fried Bread House and Farewell to Arizona
#Tim wraps up mocking the Fried Bread House despite admitting it's probably good, thanks Arizona fans sarcastically, and closes with the rest-stop yogurt bit before signing off.
5moments
- Tim refuses to eat at restaurants with 'rocking' in the name, vetoing Ben's suggestion of Rock and Egg Cafe.
- He insists on being the one to pick restaurants, claiming other people always choose wrong and he'll end up making a scene.
- Tim skips the fried bread house in Arizona because his hatred of the state is now targeting the restaurant for no good reason.
- He thanks Arizona audiences and clubs for having him, acknowledging the privilege of traveling as a comedian.
- Tim imagines working at a restaurant and proudly helping a fat man find high-protein yogurt at 2 a.m. on a military base before performing at the fry bread house.
ArizonaRock and Egg Cafe