Episode 217 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#217 - Cuties | The Tim Dillon Show
Sep 13, 2020 · 1:10:43 · 694,000 views · 31 segments, 162 moments indexed
This week Duncan the Bulldog absolutely trashes the studio and shows no respect for 9/11, Tim talks the Netflix show Cuties, his interactions with influencers at Whitney Cummings's party, and the ending of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
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- 1 min
Tim opens the show noting it airs weekly on Saturday nights or Sunday mornings.
1moment
- Tim welcomes the audience to the Tim Dillon Show, which airs Saturday nights or Sunday mornings depending on when viewers tune in.
- 1 min
Watching Duncan the Bulldog
#Tim explains he's dog-sitting his friend's bulldog Duncan after promising to do so when the friend had a baby, and riffs on how physically absurd bulldogs are as a breed.
3moments
- Tim promised to take his friend's dog when the baby arrived, then forgot about it until his friend actually called him in LA
- He honored the commitment and now has a bulldog that destroys everything
- Tim describes bulldogs as little hippopotamuses that can barely breathe, walk, or procreate
- 3 min
Playing Peeper on Danny Brown's Show
#Tim mentions his role as Peeper the Telescope on the Danny Brown show while Duncan wreaks havoc, then pivots into discussing the Netflix film Cuties and the controversy around its content and marketing.
4moments
- Tim explains he appeared on Danny Brown's show, playing a character called Peeper the Telescope
- He recently appeared in the Netflix film Cuties, playing a young woman being sexually exploited
- Kurt Metzger described the Cuties controversy as an intersectional car crash—a woman-of-color director depicting sexual exploitation of minors by sexually exploiting minors
- The film's final scene is so disturbing and clearly designed to appeal to pedophiles that nationwide campaigns are calling to cancel Netflix
CutiesNetflixKurt MetzgerDanny BrownJenny Slate
- 2 min
Cuties Controversy and Ben Shapiro's Take
#Tim continues dissecting the Cuties backlash, mocking the film's marketing as contradictory 'female empowerment' messaging while sexualizing minors, and references Ben Shapiro's commentary.
5moments
- Tim describes finding Cuties on Netflix and notes the title sounds like a dark web child exploitation website.
- The marketing for the film isn't highlighting exploitation of minors — it's sexualizing children with a female empowerment angle.
- Tim calls the marketing terrifying and inappropriate, urging it off the screen.
- Ben Shapiro's take is that the film's message gets lost in marketing that conflates female empowerment with the exploitation of scantily clad minors doing sexually suggestive dances.
- Tim warns the set is about to come down from the tension.
- 2 min
Duncan Chaos Interlude
#Duncan the bulldog causes more disruption on set, prompting Tim to jokingly interrogate the dog about Cuties and 9/11.
4moments
- Tim identifies the producer of Cuties as trying to destroy the show and demands he stand up.
- Tim asks Oscar if he's seen Cuties and questions whether he has any respect for anything.
- Tim notes that Cuties is getting people angry, though he hasn't seen it and doesn't plan to.
- Duncan sabotages the sound equipment and Tim complains he can't do this.
- 3 min
The Tour Guide's Brutal 9/11 Story
#Tim tells the story of a bitter NYC double-decker bus tour guide who shocked tourists by claiming firefighters ran away from the towers instead of heroically running in.
4moments
- Tim's Facebook friend votes for Trump because he held a flag two days after 9/11, securing her vote forever.
- Tour guide story: angry old man on double-decker bus in NYC when British tourists ask about firefighter heroism on 9/11 anniversary.
- The tour guide claims he saw the buildings fall downtown and says cops and firemen ran the other way, calling them cowards who didn't enter the burning buildings.
- The whole bus freezes in shock as the tour guide insists no one was running into the burning buildings, they were all running away.
- 3 min
Where Tim Was on 9/11
#Tim recounts being in Miss Rice's history class in Hicksville, NY when he learned of the attacks, screaming 'inside job' before knowing any facts, and joking darkly about wishing he'd lost a parent like Pete Davidson.
10moments
- Tim was sitting in Holy Trinity Diocesan High School in Hicksville, New York during 9/11, in Miss Rice's history class.
- Show prep for the podcast takes hours and days, unlike Tim's complete lack of preparation in high school.
- The teacher was called out of the room, then brought back in to announce attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon.
- The Pentagon being hit made Tim realize this was war, since it's the civilian military command center.
- Tim's first instinctual reaction was to scream 'inside job' in class without even knowing what had happened.
- He then started screaming 'there are no planes' despite not knowing there were planes involved.
- One of Tim's classmates lost his father; Tim quickly called his own dad to confirm he wasn't in the World Trade Center.
- Tim jokes about losing a parent on 9/11 being the greatest moment in someone's life, referencing Pete Davidson.
- He claims he would have strapped both his parents into United 93 if it would have launched his comedy career like it did for Davidson.
- Tim mocks candlelight vigils and missing people by joking about telling his kids 'bin laden took her.'
PentagonWorld Trade CenterPete DavidsonHoly Trinity Diocesan High SchoolUnited 93Hicksville
- 1 min
Judd Apatow, Magic Spoon Barking, and Fake Grief
#Tim riffs on Pete Davidson's career benefiting from tragedy, mocks 9/11 sentimentality, and jokes that Duncan is barking at a box of Magic Spoon cereal.
3moments
- Tim says he'd melt his parents right now rather than spend years working on grief material like Judd Apatow
- Magic Spoon cereal triggers barking because it's a keto product that mimics childhood sugar cereals
- Tim cuts off the bit and calls for an end to 9/11 and porn memorabilia references
- 3 min
Stop Romanticizing 9/11 Unity
#Tim argues against people glorifying the brief post-9/11 national unity and living in a perpetual vigil mindset, saying the unity evaporated quickly and that's fine.
6moments
- Tim mocks the "we were all Americans that day" platitude as something people repeat without substance.
- There was genuine unity in the early periods after 9/11, but it evaporated quickly—and that's actually healthy, not a failure.
- Living in constant mourning and head-bowed reflection about mortality isn't the goal, no matter how nice those first few days felt.
- Tim calls out the romanticization of post-9/11 national character as something we need to stop celebrating.
- Facebook posts about that day are full of people claiming heroism by merely talking about actual heroes, not by doing anything themselves.
- Tim says he would have been willing to sacrifice more than he actually did on 9/11, which was very little.
- 2 min
How 9/11 Changed New York City
#Tim describes how 9/11 transformed New York from a tough, criminal city into a tourist-coddling, sanitized place, changing restaurant aesthetics from opulent to rustic 'green market' style, and draws parallels to COVID fear tactics.
4moments
- 9/11 transformed New York from a tough, increasingly safe city into a vulnerable victim that had to be protected and appealed to.
- Disney on Broadway and Midwestern tourists replaced the hard edges of pre-9/11 New York, making it into a safe, general city designed for everyone to enjoy.
- Opulent 1990s French fine dining with lace tablecloths and bank cats gave way after 9/11 to exposed brick, steel pipes, and wooden tables as the city rejected luxury as inappropriate.
- Tim sees overlap between how 9/11 was used to constantly terrorize the public and similar patterns emerging with corona and Dr. Fauci telling people to hunker down for winter.
- 2 min
Fauci's 'Hunker Down' Warning and COVID Skepticism
#Tim plays/reacts to Fauci warning of a deadly December, questioning whether prolonged lockdowns are justified given the age demographics of COVID deaths, and cites Roseanne's comments about people being ready to leave their houses.
5moments
- Fauci warns of a very deadly December and urges people to hunker down through fall and winter.
- Tim argues people need to make their own decisions about earning money instead of following experts who have financial interests.
- He questions how many young people COVID is actually killing, noting the vast majority of deaths remain elderly people with other conditions.
- Tim doesn't think people should stay hunkered down constantly, pointing out people left their houses when ready regardless of warnings.
- Roseanne Barr is cited as someone Tim recently did a podcast with, describing it as an epic meeting of the minds.
- 1 min
Podcasting with the Great Roseanne
#Tim reflects on doing a podcast interview with Roseanne Barr, praising her effortless humor and joking that viewers should take drugs before watching the conversation.
3moments
- Tim says Roseanne is effortlessly funny and makes very good points, though she seems a bit scattered.
- Tim was crying laughing off to the side during the interview and found her incredibly funny.
- Tim recommends taking DMT, ayahuasca, or acid before watching the Roseanne interview because it's wild.
- 1 min
The Lost Wedding Gift and Baby Gift Dilemma
#Tim jokes about a wedding gift to Ben that was supposedly lost in the mail due to COVID, then wonders what to get his friend's new baby, riffing on savings bonds and America's decline.
4moments
- Ben doesn't believe Tim sent him and his wife a wedding present that was lost in the mail because of COVID.
- Tim won't reveal what the gift was because Ben would feel so guilty about doubting him that he'd offer to work on the show for free forever.
- Tim considers what to give as a baby gift—savings bond, mutual fund, or something from China—and questions whether any investment will be worth anything anyway.
- Tim suggests giving a kid a savings bond to cash in when they go to college, right when they can't breathe anymore from the economy collapsing.
- 2 min
California Wildfires and the Coming Digital Bunker Life
#Tim describes the unbearable California wildfire smoke, predicts society retreating indoors permanently into digital life with Amazon deliveries, and jokes about future resource-based 'districts' like Hunger Games.
7moments
- Tim ready to stop leaving his house due to California wildfires and ash in the air making outside unbearable
- Cell phone towers burning means the outside world becomes purely annoying, forcing everyone into digital existence
- Future life will be Amazon deliveries, Netflix, and staying home because leaving in a hazmat suit makes no sense
- When the country divides into resource-based quadrants like District Nine, Tim just hopes he ends up in a good one
- AOC will eventually become a queen in the dystopian districts, just like in The Hunger Games
- California wildfires are worse than ever—breathing outside feels like sitting in a campfire
- Everyone virtue signals on social media with red sky photos and climate change warnings, but it's too late anyway
California wildfires and air qualityAlexandria Ocasio-Cortezclimate change
- 1 min
Dying to Score a Political Point
#Tim riffs on people using their last breath in a wildfire to score a political 'told you so' point on social media.
2moments
- Tim argues that the last thing you should want to do before dying is score a political point—that your final breath shouldn't be wasted trying to get the better of somebody in a pointless argument.
- He calls it the most American way to go: dying while trying to win a pointless online argument.
- 3 min
Tim reads a sponsor spot for Magic Spoon, a zero-sugar high-protein keto cereal, describing flavors and the guarantee, while continuing to riff on Duncan and sugar cereal nostalgia.
5moments
- Tim recalls wanting sugar cereals as a kid—Lucky Charms, Count Chocula, Fruit Loops, Waffle Crisp—not the healthy stuff like Raisin Bran.
- Magic Spoon cereals have zero sugar, 11 grams of protein, and only 3 net carbs per serving, with four flavors including a Fruit Loops replica.
- The fruity flavor works as a no-guilt dessert or meal replacement that tastes exactly like the sugary cereals you wanted as a kid.
- Magic Spoon offers a 100% happiness guarantee with full refunds if you don't like the product, available at magicspoon.com/timdillon.
- Tim admits he's on and off diets constantly and finds it very difficult to keep weight under control in the current economy.
- 3 min
Tim reads an ad for Hawthorne, a personalized cologne and grooming product company, riffing on Silence of the Lambs 'put the lotion in the basket' and colonization jokes.
8moments
- Most people wear too much cologne and mismatch it to their scent; the right fragrance is what attracts people through pheromones.
- Hawthorne lets you design your own cologne by taking a quiz based on where you live, what you're into, and the natural odors in your environment.
- Personalized products across deodorant, shampoo, body wash, and lotion all account for different individual needs and skin requirements.
- Tim pitches the two-minute quiz that identifies two colognes—one for work, one for play—with risk-free shipping and returns.
- Using personalized lotion, body wash, and cologne makes you feel luxurious, like the king of England.
- Adopting a British accent, Tim riffs that using Hawthorne face lotion makes you the king of England and gives you the impulse to colonize barbarians.
- If Tim ran Hawthorne, the company motto would be 'put the lotion in the basket' as a Silence of the Lambs reference, making that a deal-breaker if it weren't true.
- Tim quotes the full Silence of the Lambs lotion scene—'it puts the lotion on itself'—as what the company's actual marketing should say.
HawthorneSilence of the Lambs
- 3 min
Stand-Up at Whitney Cummings' Driveway Show
#Tim describes performing at Whitney Cummings' outdoor comedy show alongside Instagram influencers, contrasting the crowd with his usual working-class audience, and meeting Kesha.
7moments
- Tim performs stand-up for the second time at Whitney Cummings' driveway comedy show.
- Instagram influencers hawking body oil deals aren't his demographic—he prefers working-class audiences.
- His ideal audience is working-class people from Philadelphia who feel slighted, crammed angry in cars smoking cigarettes.
- Several comedians bombed at the event despite respected people like David Spade and Annie Lederman being in attendance.
- Annie Lederman killed it because she and Tim came up in New York together navigating weird situations as comedians.
- Other comedians at the show struggled with the crowd of Instagram influencers who didn't engage with their material.
- Tim doesn't know who people like Olivia Munn or Kesha are and confuses Kesha with a Middle Eastern dish called shakshouka.
- 3 min
Kesha's Music and Suny School Girls
#Tim riffs extensively on Kesha's 'Tik Tok' being the anthem of unattractive party girls at SUNY schools, and mocks Miranda Cosgrove and iCarly-era Nickelodeon.
8moments
- Kesha sang 'Tick Tock,' the anthem of fat freckled Irish women at SUNY New Paltz trying to get sex at 3am.
- Tim notes Kesha wanted hot people dancing to her music but instead inspired overweight women instead.
- Those women still tag each other on Facebook with the song, linking to photos shot from above to hide what's beneath the head.
- The 'tick tock' sound is just their heartbeat, Tim says.
- Tim demands where the adults are and calls for Candace Owens and the exhumed corpse of William F. Buckley.
- He didn't have cable growing up because his parents survived 9/11 and didn't get the good shows and movies.
- Tim acknowledges it's sad Pete Davidson's dad was killed in 9/11 but admits it hasn't worked out horribly for him.
- Kesha and all the women he's mentioned seemed lovely, but Tim doesn't understand this world or what iCarly is about.
Yes or yesKeshaNickelodeonMiranda CosgroveDrake and JoshiCarly
- 3 min
Growing Up Without Cable: Melrose Place vs Nickelodeon
#Tim explains he didn't have cable as a kid and instead watched adult soaps like Melrose Place and NYPD Blue, contrasting his upbringing with modern kids' content.
9moments
- Doug, Daria, and Rugrats were great shows, but Tim watched Melrose Place instead because his family didn't have cable.
- Tim learned words like blackmail and abortion from Melrose Place while other kids were watching cartoons.
- Tim gives a shout-out to Melrose Place creators Aaron Spelling and Darren Starr, and hopes Heather Locklear is okay wherever she is.
- Tim watched Beverly Hills 90210 and NYPD Blue growing up, praising Dennis Franz as a genius despite calling him a fat racist.
- Amanda Cerny, an Instagram influencer with 25 million followers, performed at an event and started reading Whitney's act from a book.
- Tim left the event early, telling Tom Papa it was time to go after watching Cerny perform.
- Whitney ordered pizza from Big Mama's Pizzeria with mozzarella sticks, which are rare to find in Los Angeles.
- Instagram influencers don't actually eat food; they only take pictures with an avocado once a month for protein.
- The event was interesting, though Kesha didn't show up.
Dennis FranzHeather LocklearMelrose PlaceNYPD BlueAaron SpellingAmanda CernyDarren StarrTom Papa+5 more
- 3 min
Instagram Influencers Reading Whitney's Jokes and the Pizza Incident
#Tim describes influencers awkwardly attempting Whitney Cummings' stand-up material, and jokes that influencers don't eat food so he got to eat all the pizza and garlic bread.
6moments
- Whitney's music is like an alarm clock for fat women at state schools making memories and wanting to be kidnapped.
- Tim made a joke about Crystal Aytes during his set that got chilled reception from the crowd.
- Whitney is a real deal comic who writes her material extensively and does really well with her new jokes.
- Instagram influencers tried reading Whitney's material but needed her to explain that the premise comes before the punchline.
- Tim was surprised Whitney ordered regular pizza since she usually tries to give him plant-based popsicles and weird alternative butters.
- Whitney insists on bizarre health foods like butter from a cactus instead of normal cow butter.
- 4 min
Tim runs down upcoming tour dates in Dallas, Nashville, Salt Lake City, Phoenix, Tampa, and West Palm Beach, then rants about turning down Portland and a bizarre experience performing in Spokane amid a groundhog obsession.
6moments
- Tim announces upcoming tour dates across Dallas, Nashville, Salt Lake City, Phoenix, Tampa, and West Palm Beach.
- He turned down a Portland offer because the money wasn't right and he's not excited about performing there.
- Tim explains he doesn't connect with the Pacific Northwest at all, despite acknowledging it has great forests.
- Spokane is essentially a white supremacist town, located near an Idaho area where people are very proud of their European heritage.
- During his time in Spokane, Tim followed around a groundhog for two days and would FaceTime Ben photos of it.
- He learned that a groundhog is also called a woodchuck, whistle pig, or land beaver.
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for ExpressVPN, explaining its use for privacy and accessing geo-blocked content like foreign Netflix shows, with a promo code for extra free months.
5moments
- Tim argues the government and private companies are stealing information and people will need VPNs to protect themselves soon.
- VPNs let you access Netflix content from different regions around the world.
- The app creates a secure encrypted tunnel so your online activity can't be seen by anyone.
- Tim admits he had no idea how prevalent VPNs were until recently using one himself.
- Tim jokes about grouping HIV and VPNs together as two things he didn't realize were so common.
ExpressVPNNetflixCNETWiredThe Verge
- 1 min
Tim reads a sponsor spot for Manscaped's below-the-belt grooming 'Perfect Package' kit including the Lawnmower 3.0 trimmer and boxer briefs.
5moments
- Manscaped sponsors the show and sells grooming tools for below-the-belt care.
- The Lawnmower 3.0 is waterproof, cordless, and designed with contoured shape for sensitive areas.
- Skin Save technology makes it nearly impossible to cut yourself while shaving.
- Subscribers get replacement blades every three months plus a travel bag and performance boxer briefs.
- Use code TIMD at Manscaped.com for 20 percent off and free shipping.
Yes or yesManscapeExpressVPN
- 1 min
British Food Is Terrible
#Tim mocks the UK's Sunday roast and yorkshire pudding as overrated compared to American truck stop combos and mall chicken fingers, while expressing desire to tour the UK.
4moments
- Tim wants to do shows at Soho Theatre in London and eat chicken tikka masala, which he calls the cuisine of London.
- British people obsess over Sunday roast, but Tim argues a mall chicken finger is better than England's national dish.
- Britain gave the world civilization and racism, but has nothing going on with food.
- Tim insists Combos from a truck stop — the kind you eat on the way to a national park before getting kidnapped — beat Sunday roast.
British cuisineSoho TheatreEngland
- 2 min
America's Sinful Food and Sugar Comedowns
#Tim continues on food, describing how American food and sugary milkshakes/frappuccinos give a false euphoria followed by a crash, contrasting with lighter foreign cuisine.
7moments
- Tim notes it's weird that Britain serves fish and chips in newspaper with malt vinegar
- American food impresses visitors more than anything else the country has to offer besides spectacle
- No country lays on sinful food like America does—even Italian meals leave you feeling light
- McDonald's milkshakes in other countries taste noticeably less sweet than American ones
- The massive syrup content in US milkshakes causes a pounding headache 30 minutes after drinking
- Tim describes the temporary confidence boost from a Frappuccino with AC blasting in your car
- Sugar crash leads to a cycle of chewing gum and energy drinks to avoid the comedown
- 2 min
Doing Stand-Up in Scotland
#Tim recalls performing stand-up in Glasgow alongside 'woke' comedians who bombed while his more blunt style connected with the crowd, and speculates about UK comedy's cultural direction.
3moments
- Tim did stand-up comedy in Scotland with a mixed-race comic and an Indian woman, and the Scottish crowd rejected the woke bits.
- When Tim went on stage and said "hey fuck you," the Scottish audience connected with him immediately.
- Tim wants to return to a time when sex was private and puritanical rather than mass-marketed and vulgar.
American comedyThe Stand GlasgowScotlandUK comedy
- 3 min
Sex Should Be Private: Sex Addicts and WAP
#Tim argues that making sex mass-marketed and vulgar has made society have less actual sex, comparing sex addicts talking about sex to talking about urination, and worries about kids being sexualized before they're ready.
6moments
- Tim notes that despite 'WAP' being one of the biggest songs in the country, people are actually having less sex in real life.
- Sex addicts talk about sex the way they talk about anything routine and meaningless—it sounds gross because the mechanization removes what should be there.
- Sex should be more than pissing and shitting; when a sex addict describes it, it sounds exactly like someone recounting a story about taking a piss.
- Tim argues society is heading toward an antiseptic, sterile, medical approach to sex, which is disturbing.
- Young girls and boys are being sexualized before they're emotionally and psychologically mature enough to handle the consequences of what they're doing.
- He advocates for a return to the aesthetic and values of 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' the Judy Garland musical, as an ideal vision of how people should present themselves.
sex addictionWet Ass PussyMeet Me in St. Louis
- 3 min
Meet Me in St. Louis and Judy Garland's Voice
#Tim watches and reacts to the 1944 musical Meet Me in St. Louis, admiring the fashion and trolleys while noting the film's uncomfortable production year, then praises Judy Garland's natural singing voice.
7moments
- Gender was more fluid in 1944 than it is now, despite modern cosmetic procedures.
- People used to dance with top hats and canes — a look at how people lived back then.
- Tim doesn't like anything about 1944 except this film, despite the year's other issues.
- Dancing with hats in St. Louis beats whatever else was happening in 1944.
- Judy Garland sang 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' in this film.
- The famous trolley song lyric was changed, but Tim suggests not asking too many questions about it.
- Judy Garland was an icon with an incredible voice, though her later years were rough with booze and pills.
- 8 min
Keeping Up with the Kardashians Ends: Fame Without Talent
#Tim discusses the finale of Keeping Up with the Kardashians as the blueprint for modern fame built on access rather than talent, contrasting it with Judy Garland's genuine gift, and naming other 'kardashian'-style figures like AOC, hype house, and Trump.
10moments
- Keeping Up with the Kardashians is ending after 25 years as the blueprint for modern American fame.
- The show replaced talent with access—Caitlyn Jenner claiming no one called her at Trump rallies and tour dates.
- American fame now means selling access to your life; the cooler or richer you are, the more people want in.
- Judy Garland had an unexplainable, celestial talent like her voice on 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow,' a rare gift that can't be replicated.
- Modern culture rejects unexplainable amazing talent because people don't know how to become like that or fit into it.
- The Kardashians are the blueprint for fame now—AOC, the Hype House, Sway House, Trump, all functioning as Kardashians.
- Tim defends the Kardashians as hard workers and respects the hustle, though he criticizes the celebration of this route to fame.
- The rise of the Kardashian model says a lot about the wholesale destruction of American cultural beauty.
- America is the moment between rage at talentless fame and bobbing your head to it—the space where you survive without going insane.
- Tim gets angry for a moment that the beauty of American culture has been completely and totally destroyed.
Keeping Up with the KardashiansCaitlyn JennerKim KardashianJudy GarlandAmerican cultureDonald TrumpCandace Owens
- 1 min
Closing Riff: America Is the Moment Between Rage and 'Pretty Good'
#Tim closes by defining America as the fleeting moment between outrage at a viral trainwreck and grudgingly enjoying it anyway, applying that lens to his own conflicted feelings about the Kardashians before signing off.
1moment
- Tim says America is stuck between rage and 'pretty good,' and that bothers him a little but it's not the worst show