Episode 214 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#214 - Meatball's Mayhem | The Tim Dillon Show
Aug 23, 2020 · 1:20:28 · 259,000 views · 23 segments, 146 moments indexed
Tim discusses the conspiracy around Governor Meatball shutting down his comedy shows mere hours before performing, how old friends turn into strangers, why they are going to keep the country shut down until the election, and who the real…
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Friends of the Show Mentioned
- 1 min
Cold Open: Governor Cuomo Shuts Down His Comedy Show
#Tim opens from Long Island describing how his comedy shows in a tent were abruptly canceled shortly after he criticized Governor Cuomo on a major podcast, implying possible retaliation.
2moments
- Governor Cuomo shut down Tim's comedy show in Long Island — a sneak attack he saw coming but didn't want to manifest by speaking it aloud.
- Tim's venue got shut down by the Department of Health, the governor, or somebody in Cuomo's office.
- 5 min
The Cuomo Crime Family and the Southampton Bathing Corp
#Tim riffs extensively on the Cuomo family as a 'crime family,' mocks Chris Cuomo's wife Christina's membership in the elite Southampton Bathing Corp, and describes walking uninvited through the exclusive beach club.
8moments
- Tim criticized Governor Cuomo on the biggest podcast in the world, and his tent show got shut down hours before he was supposed to perform.
- The Cuomos are a crime family that chose to run New York instead of a trucking company.
- Chris Cuomo's wife is a member of the Southampton Bathing Corp, but Tim says you can't wash the ethnic identity out of your dress.
- The Southampton Bathing Corp is one of the oldest and most prestigious beach clubs in the world, filled with 800 of the wealthiest families.
- WASPs at the club drive old beater cars because showing up in a Lamborghini or Bugatti would be seen as grotesque.
- The major difference between this beach club and regular beaches is that people were actually reading age-appropriate books instead of trashy romance novels or tween fiction.
- There were no boom boxes, no loud music, no potato chips, and no cheese doodles at the Southampton Bathing Corp—it was all quiet reading and conversation.
- Chris Cuomo claimed he never had COVID-19 while his wife was a member of the Southampton Bathing Corp.
Andrew CuomoChris CuomoCuomo familySouthampton Bathing CorporationMario Cuomo
- 3 min
Your Right to Die and Blue State Lockdown Strategy
#He argues people have a right to assess their own covid risk and attend shows, then pivots into a theory that blue state governors are intentionally slow-walking reopening as a political strategy against Trump ahead of the election.
6moments
- Tim argues it's your right to die, and explains the distinction between that right and killing other people.
- Everyone in the car being drunk means nobody deserves to survive—a story about Long Island accidents where all parties had blood on their hands.
- If everyone assesses the risk together, they should be able to enjoy entertainment without fear of reprisal from the state.
- Tim characterizes New York's governor as a vindictive, petty gangster running the state.
- Restaurant and entertainment workers in blue states should prepare for a rocky couple of months.
- Blue state governors plan to reopen gradually and slowly, with little meaningful reopening expected before November.
Donald TrumpThe HamptonsSouthampton Bathing CourtCarnegieRockefellerVanderbiltLong IslandLisa's Lounge
- 4 min
Cuomo's Nursing Home Scandal and His Mother's Survival
#Tim connects the covid response to political motives, jokes about his own mother surviving in a nursing home despite the death toll around her, and slams Cuomo for the nursing home covid outbreak while claiming New York seeded outbreaks nationwide.
9moments
- Tim explains the strategy: keeping people nervous and fearful about societal fragility to force political change.
- If Biden and Kamala win, he predicts the media's tone on COVID coverage will shift completely.
- The media is functioning as a partisan political machine, using every opportunity against Trump.
- Tim admits he hasn't followed the Cuomo nursing home scandal closely but has a personal stake: his mother is in a nursing home and hasn't died of COVID.
- His family calls every day disappointed his mother hasn't contracted COVID, calling state leadership criminals and gangsters.
- Cuomo canceled comedy shows in parking lots but shipped sick COVID patients to nursing homes, starting a brush fire of disease.
- Cuomo claims New York handled COVID well but omits that COVID outbreaks across the country originated from New York not shutting down immediately.
- Tim argues the country's COVID outbreaks can be directly traced to New Yorkers traveling before New York locked down.
- Before celebrating, understand that New York infected the entire country with COVID.
Andrew CuomoDonald TrumpBiden and KamalaYes or yes
- 2 min
An Italian President and Racism Against Italians/Irish
#Tim jokes that America will never elect an Italian president before other unlikely scenarios, then riffs on how it's socially acceptable to mock Italians and Irish people, imagining what would change if Cuomo were a black lesbian.
5moments
- We've never had an Italian president and we never will — a transgender member of antifa will sit in the Oval Office before someone who smells like garlic does.
- Anti-racism against Irish and Italian people is allowed and sanctioned, which is why it's so good and why he does it frequently.
- If the governor were a Black lesbian, he'd have to cancel the show immediately — demonstrating the double standard in what's permissible to mock.
- Everybody deserves a good lashing, especially when targeting a clown just trying to make simple Long Island people laugh.
- Long Island residents just want to laugh, eat bacon egg and cheese sandwiches, occasionally do heroin, live in inherited houses, and complain about taxes.
President of the United Statesanti-racismLong Island
- 4 min
Tim reads a sponsor spot for Birch Gold Group about protecting retirement savings with gold and silver IRAs, veering into a bit about supposedly bludgeoning his father for being hesitant about the offer.
6moments
- Tim claims the national debt is a house of cards about to collapse, warning against waiting to protect savings.
- Converting a portion of an IRA or 401k into precious metals provides stability against volatile stock markets.
- Tim acknowledges he's getting paid to pitch the product while claiming his real concern is the listener's retirement.
- He expresses anxiety about people putting all their money in the stock market casino instead of backing it with physical gold.
- Texting for the free info kit is presented as a no-downside situation with potential for ten thousand in free precious metals.
- Tim spoke to his father about converting to precious metals IRA and killed him over his financial ignorance.
- 3 min
Tim promotes musician Nate Bergman's solo album and Patreon, joking about killing his aunt for disliking one of Bergman's songs.
7moments
- Nate Bergman's solo debut described as classic rock—Otis Redding crossed with Bruce Springsteen—by Classic Rock Magazine.
- Tim endorses Bergman as a good friend of the show and real musician trying to build his audience.
- Bergman was the lead singer of Lionized, toured internationally and domestically before his solo career.
- Tim played one of Bergman's songs for his aunt; she didn't like it, so he choked her to death.
- Song title 'The Middle of the End' lifted from Tim's show without credit, though Tim won't call a lawyer.
- Tim urges listeners to support Bergman on social media, subscribe to his Patreon, and follow local artists.
- Find Nate Bergman on Google, Twitter, Instagram, or Patreon at five dollars a month for exclusive music.
Friend of the showNate Bergman
- 5 min
Seeing Old Long Island Friends Get Older
#Tim reflects on visiting old friends and their parents in Long Island, describing the awkwardness of drifting apart, and riffs on how Long Islanders casually recount near-death medical experiences while chain smoking and drinking.
7moments
- Tim saw old friends and parents of old friends on Long Island and found it depressing because everyone is getting older.
- The golden age of those friendships is over, and now there's barely anything left.
- Reconnecting with people you used to be really close with shows how much time has passed when you realize you barely know each other anymore.
- Conversations that used to be effortless are now strained small talk as both people feel each other out about what's safe to discuss.
- Everyone on Long Island is still drinking heavily while Tim has gotten sober, which creates a disconnect.
- Long Island people casually describe surviving brain aneurysms, pulmonary embolisms, and near-death experiences while smoking and drinking like nothing happened.
- The nonchalant way people describe all their accumulated health problems—being clinically dead, seeing dark tunnels and beings pulling them to hell—before lighting a cigarette and drinking again is genuinely crazy.
- 4 min
The Fat Store and the Reese Witherspoon Knife Joke
#Tim describes shopping at the plus-size store DXL in Palm Desert and an employee's bizarre, morbid pun about 'Reese' Witherspoon being stabbed with a knife.
5moments
- Tim visits DXL, the fat store, in Palm Desert before flying to New York.
- Clothes shopping for larger sizes is never about looking good—it's voting in America, a lesser of two evils with no hope and change.
- Tim has bought shirts that shrink beyond recovery in the wash, and he's tried tucking his knees under them to stretch them back out.
- A fat store employee starts asking Tim personal questions about living in Palm Desert and Facebook comparisons between the Northeast and warmer states.
- The employee launches into a joke about an actress who got murdered and stabbed with a knife, trying to slip it into conversation with a fat person in a mall.
- 3 min
Telling a Friend's Mom About His Palm Springs House
#Tim recounts an awkward exchange with a friend's mother who questioned how he affords a Palm Springs rental and accused his generation of being 'needy,' despite her own lifelong talk of leaving New York that never happened.
6moments
- Tim reflects on the impossibility of maintaining old friendships after escaping and achieving success elsewhere.
- A friend's mother asks how Tim got a rental house in Palm Springs, seemingly confused by his success.
- The mother accuses Tim's generation of being needier than hers, wanting things and needing things.
- Tim notes the woman spent years saying she wanted to leave New York for Florida or the Carolinas.
- When Tim suggests she could leave now with COVID in the city, she refuses because her friends are there.
- Long Island residents never actually leave no matter how much they talk about it.
- 2 min
Why Nobody Ever Leaves Long Island
#Tim muses on why people cling to familiarity as they age rather than seeking new experiences, using Long Island as the prime example, and describes the awkward covid-era greeting rituals (elbow bumps, etc).
5moments
- Tim explains why people don't leave Long Island: at a certain age, familiarity is all you have.
- There's sadness in how life shifts from adventure to mere comfort, with new things becoming terrifying instead of exciting.
- Long Island is the prime example of people settling in and staying put, sometimes as young as 23.
- When you visit people from home, you don't know what to expect or how to greet them anymore.
- Post-COVID uncertainty about physical contact: elbow bump, fist bump, black power bump, or just nothing at all.
- 4 min
Awkward Covid Interviews and Cousin Jenna's Death
#He describes recent reunions feeling like stilted job interviews, including a dark joke about being told his 'cousin Jenna' died of covid while having lupus and being overweight.
11moments
- Post-Covid social interactions feel like awkward job interviews nobody wants.
- Tim describes the absurdity of pandemic-era small talk: asking if anyone you know has died, while standing across the room.
- His cousin Jenna is dead—she had lupus, was overweight, sang at a wedding, and they think Covid killed her.
- Tim's father has never worked a high-pressure job but acts like he works on Wall Street.
- The father sells wine—a relaxing job—but carries himself like an ER doctor.
- Father constantly stressed about Napa Valley fires despite retiring in a year and not caring.
- Tim's father acts like a Secret Service agent about to take a bullet for someone.
- Long Island residents all have homes and paid bills but act like they're barely surviving multiple wars.
- Father complains the city is fucked up and they're killing everyone there, which Tim agrees with.
- Lunch with his father was probably the only thing on the father's calendar, yet he acts like he has a presidential campaign to run afterward.
- Tim notes the father's constant performance of being overwhelmed despite having virtually nothing scheduled.
Jenna
- 5 min
His Frazzled Wine-Salesman Father
#Tim jokes about his father acting like a high-stakes executive despite having a low-pressure wine sales job, including a tangent where his dad delivers an unsolicited political speech about Cuomo while insisting he's 'not a political person.'
10moments
- Tim jokes his father acts like he's running a drug empire, but it's just Long Island turning him into a fried mess.
- His father denies being political, then launches into a ten-point plan to fix things while insisting he's not a political person.
- Tim ate cereal loudly enough as a kid to drown out his parents screaming about money every night.
- The importance of not feeding children sugar cereal, though many parents don't care about their children anyway.
- Magic Spoon cereal has zero sugar, eleven grams of protein, and only three net carbs—keto friendly and grain free.
- Tim lists his preferred sugar cereals from childhood: Apple Jacks, Lucky Charms, Corn Pops, Honey Nut Cheerios, and Froot Loops.
- Ben was a Waffle Crisp kid; Golden Grahams and Cinnamon Toast Crunch were Ben's favorite sinful cereals.
- Captain Crunch is good, but they went nuts with Crunch Berries.
- Honeycomb was another decent option from childhood.
- Magic Spoon works as a complete keto meal with yogurt and fruit, eliminating one full meal from the day.
- 1 min
Tim and Ben trade childhood cereal memories (Apple Jacks, Golden Grahams, Cap'n Crunch) before pitching Magic Spoon's sugar-free cereal as a keto-friendly meal replacement.
2moments
- Tim argues that Magic Spoon cereal is worth the price compared to the medical costs of childhood diabetes and obesity.
- He compares unhealthy children to Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka, suggesting they'll end up in the factory's juicing section.
- 3 min
Tim promotes the Ridge Wallet as a sleek, sanitizable, minimalist wallet, plugging the discount code and mentioning Ben's Ridge backpack.
7moments
- Ridge wallet is easy to sanitize and doesn't advertise that you have a wallet, making you less of a target in deteriorating cities.
- Tim pitches the minimal wallet with thirty thousand five-star reviews as a way to streamline your disorganized life into organized simplicity.
- Get 10% off at ridge.com/tim using promo code tim, plus free worldwide shipping and returns.
- Ridge is the official wallet of the Tim Dillon Show and a quality operation across the board.
- Tim's father bought Ridge wallets but forgot to use the promo code because he's still trying to destroy Tim.
- The wallet forces you to get organized by throwing out garbage, business cards, and old hotel keys instead of carrying a big leather pouch.
- Once Bill Gates puts the wallet in your arm you won't even need it, but for now you need it at ridge.com/tim.
- 6 min
Tim promotes 'Another Below Deck Podcast' hosted by Dylan, Nick, and Pat, discussing a Below Deck crew member fired for having valium and a CBD pen, and riffs on the social risks of admitting you watch Below Deck.
8moments
- Tim explains why Below Deck works: the wealthy yacht owners are demanding, the crew are monsters you don't care if they die, and watching them party and screw up before your eyes is compelling.
- Another Below Deck Podcast hosts Dylan, Nick, and Pat—Tim calls them creative heroes—and they got Kate Chastain to come on.
- Chief Stu Hannah got fired from the yacht after Valium pills and a CBD pen were found; Tim thinks it's weak grounds for dismissal.
- Hannah says she wasn't hiding the Valium and felt painted as a drug addict; she'd been having panic attacks on board.
- Tim notes the same hosts do Another Bachelor Podcast and keeps tabs on these shows for people who watch them in secret and won't admit it to friends.
- Admitting you watch Below Deck to a friend can spiral into unexpected sexual situations and existential crises.
- Another Below Deck Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify; Tim asks listeners to leave reviews mentioning the Tim Dillon Show.
- Tim used to watch marathon Below Deck sessions in hotel rooms while on the road, just wanting entertainment while wishing he was dead.
Below DeckAnother Below DeckHannah FerrierKate ChastainTory Lanez
- 2 min
Tim explains he's postponing all live shows until 2021 to avoid ticket refund issues, framing the tent show as a failed experiment given ongoing lockdown uncertainty.
4moments
- Tim cancels live shows until 2021 to avoid taking money for events that won't happen or get rescheduled.
- He wasn't thrilled about performing in a tent and views it as an experiment that might have led to other socially distanced shows.
- Tim believes the system is gridlocked until after the election and that progress won't resume until there's some political resolution.
- He predicts live shows will be back up and running by March or April of next year, which he frames as not that long away.
- 5 min
Declaring War on the Cuomo Family
#Tim escalates his rhetoric against the Cuomo family as gangsters drunk on power, contrasting them unfavorably to Epstein and Maxwell, and jokingly vows to fight back with a 'freedom concert' featuring Candace Owens.
8moments
- Tim declares war with the Cuomo family, claiming they don't like him and high-level meetings are held about what to do with him.
- They have focused their rage and animosity at him, but he will not be intimidated by this family of goons.
- He questions whether any family could be more contemptible than having one brother as governor and another as a CNN anchor.
- Tim compares the Cuomo brothers unfavorably to Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, saying the latter have more class.
- The criminality of New York's government is disgusting; they should have been actual gangsters and would have been happier.
- Tim believes the shutdown of his club a few hours before his show was a vendetta against him personally.
- The Cuomo family is trying to discourage him from doing business in his home state, but he won't let it happen.
- He plans to throw a freedom concert with Candace Owens and sing patriotic songs, daring them to shut that down too.
Cuomo familyGhislaine MaxwellJeffrey EpsteinCandace OwensWilliam Jennings Bryan
- 5 min
Government Overreach and the LA Sway House Power Cutoff
#Tim argues politicians have seized unprecedented power over daily life, then pivots to LA authorities cutting power to the TikTok 'Sway House' for loud parties, framing the TikTok kids as unlikely freedom fighters.
9moments
- Tim argues that once you give politicians power during a crisis, they won't give it back—and they've accumulated more authority in five months than in the previous ten years.
- Citizens now depend on government for income, public health guidance, and their children's education, a position Tim calls terrifying for anyone who values freedom.
- The government shut off power to the Sway House in Los Angeles because the TikTok creators wouldn't stop throwing parties.
- Tim defends the Sway House kids as trying to enrich Los Angeles culture by making people happy through dancing and parties.
- Los Angeles is about groups of young people moving into a house and destroying an entire community, whereas New York has dignity.
- Tim frames the TikTok house as the real Americans—minute men, George Washington hiding in trees to fight redcoats.
- Before quarantine, those parties were just loud noise keeping people awake, but now Tim supports them as civil disobedience.
- Tim declares the Sway House parties an act of civil disobedience against totalitarian government, fought with dance, volume, and drugs.
- Jake Paul and Team 10 are now more significant than the founding fathers.
Yes or yesJake Paulcivil disobedience
- 4 min
Jake Paul and TikTokers as the New Founding Fathers
#Tim declares Jake Paul and Team 10 more significant than the founding fathers, imagining a paramilitary alliance with partying TikTokers to resist lockdown authority, including a fantasy of them storming Mayor Garcetti's lawn.
8moments
- Team 10 and TikTokers are the real Americans now, not nurses and doctors.
- Tim's had enough with the military and emotional investment in current wars.
- Jake Paul and Team 10 will save the country by partying and breaking unjust laws.
- Resistance won't come from the polite middle class; it'll come from rich young kids with fast cars and no respect.
- When authorities cut power to those kids' house, they should have stormed the mayor's lawn instead.
- TikTokers should have partied on Mayor Garcetti's lawn making content and told him Los Angeles is built on sacrifice to ancient gods.
- Denying young people the chance to be ridiculous for money denies the entire ethos of Los Angeles, a city literally on fire most of the year.
- Tim plans to join forces with these people to form a paramilitary unit engaged in what he calls freedom fighting and the FBI calls domestic terrorism.
- 4 min
Closing Thoughts: Sobriety, Nostalgia, and Final Cuomo/de Blasio Jabs
#Tim closes with reflections on how relationships change after getting sober, renews his mock-demand that the Cuomo brothers resign to run an Italian restaurant, and piles on Bill de Blasio as universally despised.
8moments
- Tim announces the show is audio-only this week; he'll be back doing video from Palm Springs next week.
- Some friends have moved to Austin or back to New Jersey, but Tim is considering staying in LA because that's where the freedom fighters are.
- Tim won't be coming back to Long Island, describing it as sad but true.
- When you sober up, the people you drank with become different and awkward; things that were fun while hammered often lose their appeal sober.
- Tim delivers closing remarks to the Cuomo family, saying they will never back down or let them turn the state into a fascist dictatorship.
- He suggests Andrew Cuomo and his brother Chris should step down and instead go manage a family-style restaurant in New Jersey.
- Bill de Blasio should be thrown in a van; no political figure has drawn as much hatred, rivaling JFK's enemies despite doing nothing revolutionary.
- Bill de Blasio has assembled a coalition of people who wake up every day hating him, a buffoon mayor that New York City has.
Bill de BlasioAndrew CuomoChris CuomoLong IslandLos AngelesNew JerseyPalm SpringsAustin
- 4 min
Tim recaps filming a comedic video training fake 'antifa' in a Hamptons backyard, reads a critical tweet from an older woman, and mentions upcoming merch.
5moments
- Tim made a video about corporate activism where he trained "antifa" in someone's Hamptons backyard.
- He showed up with eight people dressed in black screaming about hedge funds at a house whose owner probably runs a hedge fund.
- An old woman tweeted at him telling him to read the Bible and stop eating, and he admits half of that is fair.
- Tim enjoys places where people don't want him to be, and he walks right through uncomfortable moments that others avoid their whole lives.
- The smell of garlic from working-class origins doesn't wash off, no matter what expensive clothes wealthy people wear.
corporate activismThe Hamptonshedge fundsSouth HamptonBen AveryJessa ReidRay Kump
- 1 min
Tim and Ben briefly discuss his impressions of visiting the Hamptons and the discomfort of not being welcome, before closing out the show and plugging Ben Avery's Twitter.