Episode 210 · The Ben Avery Era
#210 - I Am The Most Successful Podcaster In Los Angeles | The Tim Dillon Show
Jul 26, 2020 · 1:14:28 · 452,000 views · 19 segments, 133 moments indexed
From an undisclosed location Tim reveals that he is now the number one podcaster in LA, congratulates the Sandmann on his victory, describes what kind of candidate he would vote for, and breaks down an award winning BBQ Sauce.
Watch on YouTubeDiscuss on Reddit
- 2 min
Studio Setup, Patreon and Homage to 90s Talk Radio
#Tim explains he's broadcasting from a temporary studio while scouting spaces, discusses the free video podcast model, and riffs on why Patreon is audio-only as an homage to 90s talk radio hosts like Bob Grant, Rush Limbaugh, and Art Bell.
7moments
- Tim welcomes listeners to the show broadcasting from a temporary desert estate setup.
- He explains the show is free video content while studio spaces are being evaluated amid California shutdown uncertainty.
- Tim clarifies the podcast isn't on Zoom like everyone else, with actual in-person guests instead.
- Patreon members get audio-only access as a throwback to the 90s golden era of talk radio.
- He nostalgically describes listening to right-wing talk radio like Bob Grant and Rush Limbaugh while commuting.
- Bob Grant was the best talk radio host, regularly telling callers they were fakes and frauds before hanging up on them.
- The same callers would phone back every week despite the abuse, creating a recurring dynamic.
- 3 min
Joe Rogan Fleeing to Texas Because Tim Conquered LA
#Tim mocks Joe Rogan's move to Texas, claiming it's really because Tim's podcast now outperforms Rogan's in views and money, and dismisses Spotify's deal as fake.
7moments
- Joe Rogan announced he's moving to Texas, citing freedom and LA's homelessness and traffic problems.
- Tim claims that after moving to LA a year ago, he immediately started making more money as a podcaster than Joe Rogan.
- Tim's podcasts regularly get 30 to 50 million views per episode while Joe gets 2 to 5 million, which Tim calls pathetic.
- Joe is running away to Texas because Tim has conquered Los Angeles and become the biggest podcaster in the world.
- Joe doesn't have any money and asked Tim to borrow $300 last week, which Tim refused.
- Tim dismisses Joe's Spotify deal as not real, claiming Spotify doesn't exist and neither does Last Podcast on the Left.
- When Tim came to LA and took it over, Joe should just admit he got beat instead of talking about homeless people and traffic.
Joe RoganSpotifyLos AngelesLast Podcast on the LeftThe Comedy Store
- 5 min
The Insane TBS Sketches for Tournament of Laughs
#Tim describes the nonsensical sketches he submitted to TBS's Tournament of Laughs, including a bit where he plays 'Anthony Fauci's son' screaming 'forget about it' in a shower, and jokes that television now exists just to be mocked.
8moments
- Tim describes making sketches for TBS's Tournament of Laughs with complete indifference to whether they make sense.
- He claims the sketches are so bad he should be blacklisted from the industry like Harvey Weinstein.
- One sketch features Tim in a colorful shirt and wig, standing in a shower claiming to be Anthony Fauci's son, yelling "forget about it" about coronavirus for the entire three minutes.
- Television has become a practical joke—they're forced to air intentionally nonsensical content with a 24-hour turnaround.
- His aunt observed that the videos seem funny on social media but not on the TBS show itself due to too many cooks in the kitchen.
- Tim suggests TBS should fire him and tell him to go live in a car instead of airing these sketches.
- Despite submitting garbage content, they're going to air it on television, and Joe Rogan will watch from his Texas trailer park.
- Tim questions whether Spotify even exists, calling the reported valuations fake and claiming they wouldn't have bought his show if they were real.
TBSTournament of LaughsAnthony FauciSpotifyHarvey WeinsteinJoe Rogan
- 8 min
The Covington Catholic / Nathan Phillips Story, Retold Absurdly
#Tim recounts the Nicholas Sandmann/Covington Catholic controversy and the Nathan Phillips confrontation, riffing wildly on what people initially believed happened versus the more mundane reality, with jokes about Black Israelites, accents, and how the story spiraled online.
9moments
- Nicholas Sandman settled a lawsuit with the Washington Post over the Covington Catholic incident.
- Tim sets the scene: you were eating a cold caprese sandwich when the story broke.
- Red-hat-wearing kids from Covington Catholic went to the March for Life in DC and surrounded a Native American man.
- Nathan Phillips approached with his drum, speaking in an accent Tim can't quite place.
- What actually happened was different from what people believed at the time.
- Black Israelites were yelling at the Covington kids before Nathan Phillips arrived, and Tim has defended them on his tours.
- Nathan Phillips beat a drum in Nicholas Sandman's face, and the kid stood there smiling without punching him.
- Tim tweeted that some of the kids needed to get shot because he thought they were messing with an old Indian guy.
- Tim clarifies his own position: he believes in abortion.
Nicholas SandmanThe Washington PostNathan PhillipsBlack IsraelitesCovington Catholic High School
- 4 min
Doxxing, Cancel Culture, and Sandmann's Settlement
#Tim discusses the dangers of doxxing using his own experience with online harassment, sympathizes with Sandmann getting doxxed as a teenager, and jokes about his own past cocaine use as equivalent teenage folly.
9moments
- Tim initially thought the Covington Catholic student deserved criticism but changed his mind after watching the footage.
- Media sold a false narrative similar to the Jussie Smollett hoax, driven by ideology rather than facts.
- People in entertainment who became famous young have never encountered reality and don't understand how the world works.
- Entertainment industry figures refused to back down and doubled down on the false narrative about the MAGA hat student.
- Kathy Griffin and others called for doxxing the kid and posting his face online.
- Trolls pretend to be family members, recreate voices, and call him crying to try to get him off the air.
- Tim didn't want this to happen to a 15 or 16-year-old kid who attended a pro-life march.
- Everyone believes stupid things in their teen years; the kid's pro-life views were no worse than Tim's cocaine use.
- Nicholas Sandmann followed Tim on Twitter, and Tim joked about getting money from him if he retweets his posts.
Jussie SmollettKathy GriffinNicholas SandmannJudge SalasJoe Rogan
- 1 min
Fantasy of Nicholas Sandmann's Settlement Money
#Tim imagines Sandmann suddenly having hundreds of millions of dollars from the lawsuit settlement and jokes about DMing him for money and women chasing his newfound wealth.
4moments
- Nicholas Sandmann was 15 when the media tried to doxx him and ruin his life.
- In this fantasy, young Tim and his friend steal from his mother and buy cocaine from a guy named Buckshot at the railroad station.
- The next day after coming down, they eat barbecue chicken pizza with reckless abandon from an open pit.
- Tim pivots to discuss Open Pit barbecue sauce before returning to Nicholas Sandmann's settlement money.
- 4 min
Open Pit Barbecue Sauce and Long Island Steak Tidbits
#A long, unpaid riff on Open Pit barbecue sauce, describing its metallic taste and its role in Long Island steak tidbit sandwiches and barbecue chicken pizza from his hometown pizzeria.
8moments
- Tim on Native Americans getting casino settlements: the white man beat them again, now they have drum circles and $300 million.
- Tim's daily golf routine, and his fantasy of beating Andrew Santino to death on the course while Santino provides commentary.
- Open Pit blue label barbecue sauce has a metallic taste that transforms into something resembling a sausage when heated.
- Long Island's official lunch sandwich is steak tidbits on garlic bread with melted mozzarella, chopped into small pieces.
- Steak tidbits get dipped in Open Pit barbecue sauce, which curls your mouth with its metallic, brackish flavor.
- His pizzeria in Jacksonville made a barbecue chicken pizza with breaded chicken cutlets tossed in Open Pit sauce and mozzarella.
- East Coast steak tidbits experience: Open Pit sauce, fat steak fries, and the thick-cut fries that make you feel Irish pain.
- Open Pit barbecue sauce is primarily available in New York, not the West Coast.
Yes or yesOpen PitNathan PhelpsAndrew SantinoLong IslandTony HinchcliffeNicholas Sam
- 1 min
Sandmann's Age and Money Slang
#Quick riff wrapping up the Sandmann money talk, joking about outdated slang for money like 'guap' and 'greenbacks.'
2moments
- Tim notes Sandmann just turned 18 according to Twitter.
- Tim catalogs slang terms for money: bread, cheddar, guap, and greenbacks, dismissing greenbacks as outdated from the '90s.
- 4 min
Tim reads a Magic Spoon cereal ad, joking about his fake multi-religious healthy morning routine, sugar cereals marketed to kids, and pushing the code TIMDILLON for free shipping.
8moments
- Tim's morning routine: cereal, running 10-15 miles, gym, lake swimming, saying mass as a deacon, then praying to Allah because he's Muslim and Jewish and observes all religions.
- Magic Spoon cereal has zero sugar, 12 grams of protein, and three net grams of carbs per serving.
- Sugar cereals are marketed to children and placed at eye level with kids in stores—a tactic Tim calls sick Madison Avenue advertising.
- Sugar is insulinogenic and causes inflammation, spiking insulin up and down instead of keeping it steady.
- Many people committed to losing weight can't stop eating sugary cereals like Cocoa Pebbles.
- Magic Spoon helps you trick yourself into thinking you're eating sugar while staying on keto, paleo, or low-carb diets.
- Magic Spoon offers a 100% happiness guarantee with full refunds if you don't like it, but nobody wants refunds on it.
- Tim's favorite flavor is fruity—tastes exactly like Froot Loops from childhood—and adding bananas and strawberries transforms it completely.
- 3 min
Tim reads an ExpressVPN ad touting unlocking foreign streaming content, riffing on how BBC shows feature 'ugly' realistic actors compared to American TV, and repeatedly questions whether the three-month free offer is real.
3moments
- BBC actors are allowed to be ugly and treated like dirt, which is why the shows are good.
- Tim remembers when TV had regular-looking people before everyone became hot young millennials.
- Tim expresses shock and threats over the three-month free ExpressVPN offer.
ExpressVPNBBCJussie SmollettBroadchurchDoctor WhoSpirited Away
- 3 min
TikTok, Lip-Syncing Culture, and the Death of Real Talent
#Tim laments being asked to join the Hype House on TikTok, contrasts real talent like Whitney Houston and Robin Williams with modern lip-syncing 'genius' influencers, and mocks how audiences no longer value raw talent.
6moments
- TikTok and lip-syncing represent the future of entertainment, where good-looking people will mouth the words of others instead of performing original talent.
- Tim recalls watching Whitney Houston on Letterman and marvels at a time when actual talent existed and audiences appreciated it rather than resenting it.
- A conversation about Robin Williams illustrated the difference between talent being something you can see through versus talent that controls the performer from within.
- Modern comedians reveal their effort and ambition too plainly; you can taste the joke construction and feel how miserable they are offstage, unlike comedians of previous generations.
- Robin Williams was a superhuman force of raw talent despite potential joke theft allegations, a level of artistry that no longer exists in entertainment.
- A TikTok creator mouthing the words of President Trump is being called a genius, marking a massive cultural shift from Whitney Houston to contemporary performers.
- 1 min
- 8 min
Portland Riots, Electoral Politics, and What Actually Works
#Tim gives an extended analysis of the Portland protests, arguing the demands don't make political sense, discussing the impracticality of burning things down versus electoral politics, and questioning the motives of people in the streets regarding trans rights and police funding.
11moments
- Portland riots: why does a predominantly white, liberal city experience daily rioting?
- Tim distinguishes between what adults want to happen and what will actually happen—the difference between demands and reality.
- Destroying everything until demands are met is a criminally insane position.
- Rioters face a well-funded national security apparatus they'd have to eliminate first—something CHAZ proved impossible in weeks.
- Electoral politics on the local level produces more fruit than national politics, though neither is a guaranteed fix.
- Smashing Amazon windows in Seattle won't enact the social change protesters claim to want.
- Tim on jokes and trans people: no one on the fence about committing hate crimes is motivated by a single joke.
- His navy SEAL joke makes fun of military killers, not trans people, yet gets different reactions in red and blue crowds.
- Defunding police to support social services is a reasonable argument, but Portland protesters burning things have no coherent agenda.
- Stealing an iPad in Seattle isn't going to change a criminal state—real change might come through electoral politics or changing consumer habits.
- Protesters beat people in the street over perceived slights like misgendering or recording, justifying it as political action.
- 6 min
The Fantasy Obama/Cuomo Concert and Antifa Flash Mob
#An elaborate fantastical bit imagining a stage show where Michelle Obama and Andrew 'Meatball' Cuomo perform Motown numbers, followed by an Antifa flash mob dance number and a finale with Hillary Clinton, Epstein, and Maxwell.
10moments
- Tim questions whether protesters burning things down actually care about communism winning or people's health.
- He asks how many antifa members have done meaningful volunteer work to help people individually.
- Electoral politics isn't perfect, but Tim sees violent street action as the perfect storm that delivers a police state.
- The alternative—government run by lunatics in Portland with green hair throwing Molotov cocktails—isn't better.
- Activists ignore non-European history and blame all world problems exclusively on white colonists.
- Tim nominates Michelle Obama and Andrew Cuomo for a fantasy concert ticket he'd actually vote for.
- Michelle Obama takes the stage in a dashiki singing Motown while Cuomo—the meatball king—comes out in a meatball costume.
- Cuomo and his brother perform an Italian serenade while the crowd sways, followed by an antifa flash mob.
- Bernie Sanders emerges as antifa does a riot dance with explosions and white kids breaking down with boom boxes.
- The finale features Chelsea Handler, Hillary Clinton with Jeffrey Epstein, and everyone singing 'We Are the World.'
Andrew CuomoJoe BidenMichelle ObamaBarack ObamaChris CuomoHillary ClintonCOVID-19police state+7 more
- 7 min
Tim reads a Keeps hair loss treatment ad, riffing extensively about how terrified he is of losing his hair and the violent rampage he'd supposedly go on if he went bald, plus a tangent about Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez cooking pasta during quarantine.
11moments
- Tim says the only thing he likes about himself is his hair, and two out of three guys will experience male pattern baldness by 35.
- Tim notes that most men listening to the show probably went bald at 19 and are living in a world of pain.
- He's tried hair loss products before but never at this price with generic versions of FDA-approved medications.
- Tim compares using Keeps to a series of escalating moral compromises, calling it "the nudge" where you take an opportunity when you see it.
- Losing hair is catastrophic for most people, according to Tim—most listeners aren't Joe Rogan and actually need their hair to get by.
- Tim becomes intensely personal about his fear of baldness, saying he would go on a violent rampage if he lost his hair.
- His hair loss would be so devastating it would make international headlines from Saudi Arabia to Paris, impressing even terrorists.
- Tim describes waking up bald as prompting him to drive his car through a supermarket, mowing people down.
- He pivots to discussing how people used to have hair in gyms, but now nobody does, then riffs on Giada De Laurentiis making cooking content during the pandemic while the economy was exploding.
- Tim mocks Giada for teaching Jennifer Lopez how to make pasta despite her culture eating cheap street meats.
- The real upset, in his view, is when the pasta is not prepared correctly.
KeepsAlex RodriguezJennifer LopezOscar
- 3 min
Tim reads a Hydrant hydration powder ad, discussing morning routines and top performers, while his friend's dog Duncan is present in the room.
6moments
- Tim explains why he needs an electrolyte drink: no longer drinking coffee, cutting back on sugar, exhausted from summer heat.
- Cool people wake up early and do their morning routine—jogging, sit-ups, the whole thing, or they're an architect drawing blueprints for a building.
- Hydrant's electrolyte mix contains sodium, potassium, magnesium, and cocaine; Tim says he's getting sick.
- The formula was developed by an Oxford scientist—those are real, Tim notes, they're British.
- Duncan, Tim's friend's dog, drinks Hydrant every day and is described as beautiful and a good boy.
- Tim calls Duncan a terrorist while watching him.
- 5 min
Confusing Covid Case Numbers and Fauci's Bad Baseball Throw
#Tim rants about the overwhelming and contradictory covid case number reporting, mocks Fauci's poor ceremonial first pitch, and speculates that in a few years we'll learn the real truth about the pandemic's origins.
9moments
- Tim stops reading case numbers because they've become absurdly close and personal, claiming 90 million cases reported in his house.
- Fauci throwing wild pitches at baseball games bothers Tim more than his actual job, questioning why he was put on the field.
- The symptom list has expanded so far that a single finger pain could mean death, with millions of cases on ships no one has boarded.
- Tim admits he's given up trying to understand where the virus goes or what the numbers mean anymore.
- Books about the pandemic's origins will eventually explain whether it was Chinese, American, or a joint US-China operation.
- Comparing COVID confusion to the Kennedy assassination: years from now we'll understand what the government knew and didn't tell us.
- Tim jokes about Nicholas Salmon funding a podcast where the Sandman suddenly becomes extremely racist with his newfound wealth.
- Future news headlines about COVID will be so absurd—like finding 19 new strains on a shoe—that people will stop caring entirely.
- Scientists now recommend killing yourself at the first sign of a COVID symptom and having a robot do your job instead.
- 2 min
Robots Taking Over and Applebee's Conspiracy
#An absurdist riff imagining scientists announcing free all-you-can-eat Applebee's and underground beds to fight covid, tied to the idea that automation will replace workers.
5moments
- Scientists believe the best way to combat robots is to automate the workforce immediately.
- Tim describes what happens when robots are finally ready to replace all workers—the government just tells everyone to party on Lake Havasu.
- Once robots handle all jobs, Applebee's becomes free for a week as people stuff themselves on mozzarella sticks.
- Scientists have now decided the best way to fight COVID is to visit your local Applebee's for all-you-can-eat at no charge.
- The actual government strategy: an underground bed buried six feet down so COVID stays on the surface while you rest inside.
robotsApplebee'sCOVID-19Lake Havasu
- 6 min
Trump as History's Greatest Con Artist vs. Taco Bell and Del Taco
#Tim argues Trump should be understood not as good or evil but as the most successful con artist in history, using hypnotic rhetoric and playground insults, then closes with an extended metaphor comparing Trump/Biden and the state of the country to Taco Bell versus Del Taco.
9moments
- Tim argues that if half a company thought the CEO was trying to kill them, they'd need to get a new CEO, comparing Trump's effect on the country to a CEO joking about poisoning the water.
- Trump should be understood not as evil or good, but as the most successful con artist in the history of civilization.
- Trump has leveraged himself through marketing and conning people to hold positions he wasn't qualified for, including president.
- Trump hypnotizes people with his words, uses simplistic schoolyard-style politics with nicknames, and boils everything down to what appeals to people's lizard brains.
- The schoolyard insult approach works until there's an actual school shooting, at which point playground politics stop being fun.
- Comparing the election to a choice between Taco Bell and Del Taco: Del Taco has better ingredients but no magic, while Taco Bell creates iconic transcendent moments.
- Both Taco Bell and Del Taco are equally disgusting food—the difference doesn't matter because the country itself is broken.
- Whether you choose the iconic marketing or the better ingredients, the country is a dysfunctional drive-through with long lines, high workers, cops waiting outside, and a fat wife at home who hates you.
- Regardless of which option you pick, things won't change, so you might as well eat your fill and at least not go home hungry.
Donald TrumpTaco BellJoe BidenDel TacoTheo VonAndrew CuomoBarack ObamaMichelle Obama