Episode 166 · The Porch Era
#166 - You're A Disgrace | The Tim Dillon Show
Sep 22, 2019 · 2:25:17 · 672,000 views · 32 segments, 256 moments indexed
This was originally a Patreon episode Tim decided to release as a regular episode. Tim tells wild stories about fat raccoons, defending George Bush while coked up, and talks Chelsea Handler's new documentary on Netflix.
- 3 min
Cold Open: Fake Podcast Intros and Patreon Ribbing
#Tim runs through a parody montage of other podcast intros before launching into a bit about the patreon episode being released for free, joking about milking subscribers for money.
6moments
- Tim does rapid-fire fake podcast intros: Info Wars, My Favorite Murder, Two Dumb Queens, Last Podcast on the Left, and others in quick succession.
- This episode was supposed to be Patreon-only, but Tim decided to release it publicly anyway, reassuring paid subscribers that another killer episode is coming for them.
- Tim explains Patreon subscribers should feel good about the service, which has really great content that's only getting better.
- On trying to get people to subscribe: we have to take their money while showing them at least a little respect, even if people are stupid.
- Tim warns listeners the episode is running late and preemptively tells them to stop complaining about the delay.
- Tim does a bit as Timmy the Trash Can, a character who wants people to give him their garbage instead of throwing it on the floor.
- 4 min
Tim explains the patreon tiers (including the joke 'Rothschild member'), teases a censored NBC Universal episode, and introduces guests Kevin Tinkin and Jace Saver from the Brain Jail podcast, discussing their ex-Christian upbringing and comedy bits.
10moments
- Patreon tier structure: five dollars a month gets you one extra episode and unlimited access to 145 archived episodes.
- Tim refuses to re-upload the episode where he discussed the CEO of NBC Universal after being paid three grand to take it down.
- Twenty-dollar Rothschild tier membership includes exclusive long-form videos with Ben, correspondence, and bonus episodes.
- Tim introduces Kevin Tinkin, a comedian from Los Angeles, and Jace Saver, who co-host the podcast Brain Jail with Ben.
- Brain Jail features an autistic producer who tweaks knobs; listeners complain about Ben's presence despite him actively producing the show.
- Jace comprises roughly a third of Brain Jail's total poundage compared to the other hosts.
- Brain Jail discusses growing up ex-Christian and incorporates Matt and Shane Secret Podcast-style bits to ensure the hosts never work in the industry.
- Tim asks whether the guys worry about losing endorsements like Zig-Zags and Daily Swarm over the podcast's content.
- Daily Swarm has called about the ads and Tim suggests they need better content people.
- Tim asks where Ben will post manifestos now that 8chan is gone.
NBC UniversalBrain JailMatt and Shane's Secret PodcastDaily StormerLos Angeles
- 2 min
School Shooting Fantasies vs. Gay Bar Revenge Fantasies
#The group riffs on being bullied as teens, joking that Tim's revenge fantasy was sexual rather than violent, leading into a tangent about gay bars, drag queens, and the loss of raunchy humor to a new 'moral majority.'
7moments
- Tim never fantasized about shooting up his school despite being bullied as a teenager.
- He considered shooting up a school an indirect way to address being bullied.
- His other fantasy was sexual in nature—wanting to sleep with everyone who bullied him as a form of hate.
- Gay bars used to function like his revenge fantasy, with people attracted to those who treated them poorly.
- Drag queens used to perform edgy comedy attacking every race in the room, unlike today's version.
- Being corrected on grammar by someone in a wig takes him out of the moment.
- Life is too short to hold every grudge—people should want to have a good time.
- 4 min
Neglectful Boomer Parents and Boozy Childhoods
#Tim and the guests reminisce fondly about being raised by inattentive, boozy boomer parents, including a story about a friend's mom Barbara Magoo driving them around while hotboxing, and joke about their own lack of preparation for adult life.
7moments
- Tim's grateful he grew up with neglectful parents who didn't pretend to care, even though it left him unprepared for food, money, college, relationships, or self-esteem.
- His friends' parents just wanted to party and booze it up rather than prepare the kids for anything.
- Friend's mom Barbara Magoo would drink sangria and Marb Reds, hotbox the car, and drive them around.
- Tim regrets not being someone who could handle drinking and now can only have a cocktail or one drink.
- Smoking too much weed makes him start singing reggae, grow dreadlocks, and become a giant Jamaican stereotype.
- Heavy weed use leads to him staying in his room for six days obsessing and starting fights.
- High people show up at check cashing places trying to cash things that aren't actually checks—just drawings with money denominations on them.
- 2 min
Check Cashing Place Humiliation Stories
#Tim and Kevin swap stories about the indignities of check cashing places calling to verify checks, including Tim's embarrassment when a check casher called the person who wrote him a check, and a bit about a Letterman-related check cashing incident.
4moments
- Tim's most embarrassing early comedy moment: going to a check cashing place for the first time after a gig.
- They called the guy who hired him mid-transaction, making Tim look like a deadbeat in front of the cashier.
- Tim later used check cashing places regularly during his time in Bushwick, even while working at Letterman.
- A violent check cashing place in Bushwick pulled the same verification stunt with his Letterman paychecks.
- 5 min
Tim delivers an extended riff on anxiety, pharmaceuticals, and Jordan Peterson's Klonopin problems before pivoting into an Uncommon Apothecary CBD ad, complete with a fake grandparent testimonial that spirals into a story about satanic ritual murder.
8moments
- Tim claims appropriate anxiety stems from directionlessness and knowing something bad is coming.
- Successful people don't dwell in reality; they create their own and ignore facts and statistics.
- Klonopin and Xanax aren't solutions—Jordan Peterson ended up in rehab, and Little Xanax's family had to smuggle pills into Europe.
- Boomer parents paid doctors to shove Adderall down kids' throats instead of doing real behavioral therapy, creating actual problems.
- Tim's generation was fed pharmaceutical drugs by lazy, inadequate parents, now everyone's dick doesn't work because of anti-anxiety meds.
- CBD is hemp plant with less than 3% THC, not the psychoactive component—Tim's been sober eight years and endorses it.
- Double-blind studies show CBD reduces anxiety; Brenda Schwab gives it to his son for epilepsy, and it alleviates depression, pain, and sleep issues.
- Uncommon Apothecary products are third-party tested—Tim appreciates they don't trust their own people and post results to the site.
Jordan Petersonuncommon apothecaryBrendan Schaub
- 4 min
Tim closes out the CBD pitch, repeating the promo code Dillon15 and touting the product's anti-anxiety and anti-inflammatory benefits.
6moments
- Tim describes his friend's aggressive Australian Shepherd and his escaped cat that isn't even his.
- A riffed fake CBD review about grandparents involved in mysterious rituals and 30 missing children in their area.
- Tim figures out his grandparents were probably murdering children, but they make decent grilled cheese and the CBD helps them sleep.
- Promo code and where to buy: UA-CBD.com with code Dillon15 for 50% off at checkout.
- Tim jokes he's against donating CBD to homeless shelters, then clarifies he's actually all for it.
- CBD fights anxiety and inflammation and is talked about by everyone Tim respects as a miracle drug.
UA CBD
- 7 min
Irish People and Money: Barclays Bros and Family Roast Beef Traditions
#Tim, Ben, and the guests discuss why Irish and Italian families historically didn't prioritize financial education, contrasting with Jewish and Asian families, followed by stories about grandfathers, pool tables, and family holiday traditions.
9moments
- Tim explains Irish people are stupidly generous with money, citing his tendency to pick up checks for people much wealthier than him.
- Sales culture rewards appearing wealthier than you are, leading people to buy dinners for those who could 'buy and sell you.'
- Irish culture didn't prize education the way Jewish, Asian, and Indian cultures did—it was about government jobs and bars.
- The party atmosphere in Irish culture, with everyone drinking and money on the bar, doesn't lend itself to prudent financial decisions.
- Tim recalls seeing young Barclays bankers outside during a tour-bus job, marveling at how Irish people dismiss financial success because the workers are cooped up inside.
- Guests reveal they're white trash from Texas with mostly European heritage and 0.6% Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry.
- The guests' family tradition was roast beef at Christmas, their grandfather's only real cultural marker after four generations of assimilation.
- Tim and Ben visited rich Jersey relatives and broke a $10,000 chandelier and pool table, terrified they'd be thrown in jail for it.
- Tim contrasts his grandfather's climb from poverty with Chelsea Handler interviewing white millionaires about white privilege from her Bel-Air mansion.
- 8 min
Chelsea Handler's 'Hello Privilege' Documentary Torn Apart
#Tim delivers an extended takedown of Chelsea Handler's white privilege documentary, mocking her visiting an old black boyfriend with a film crew, her backyard interviews with white guys, and contrasting her opportunism with Janeane Garofalo's genuine activism.
20moments
- Tim tears into Chelsea Handler's 'Hello Privilege' documentary as extremely bad, noting it was shot in her Bel-Air mansion backyard.
- While acknowledging the documentary contains some substantive points about how the middle class was made unavailable to Black people, Tim criticizes the structure.
- A civil rights expert appears as interesting but only for three minutes; the rest focuses on Chelsea talking to an ex-boyfriend she last saw 25 years ago.
- The ex is a man Chelsea had dated at 15, got with, and then abandoned when he went to jail on drug charges while she went on to make millions.
- Chelsea returns with a full Netflix production crew for the first time seeing him since his release, a move Tim describes as insane.
- Chelsea misunderstands how long he was incarcerated versus how long he's been out, then asks him to repeat for the camera.
- She greets his mother awkwardly in the house, calling her 'Grandma' and remarking on her teeth.
- Tim wonders if Chelsea writes checks to the family but suspects she's self-absorbed, noting an encounter where she seemingly dismissed him on a plane.
- Chelsea spends the documentary mostly in her backyard talking to this man, allegedly having paid for her brothers' and sisters' care.
- Tim knew Chelsea's brother Roy Handler, a chef, through comedian friend Tracey Karna, who used to make fun of overweight people on diets.
- Chelsea excommunicated her brother Roy after they had a falling out and stopped speaking to him entirely.
- Tim suggests Chelsea only adopted white guilt politics when it became fashionable, contrasting her with Janeane Garofalo, who's been politically committed for decades.
- Janeane was talking about Cheney and Halliburton during the Iraq War while facing hostility, unlike the newer wave of celebrity activists.
- Janeane Garofalo defended Louis C.K. and faced backlash for opposing mob mentality, showing genuine principle rather than bandwagon behavior.
- Modern celebrities adopting progressive causes would be Nazis if they lived in the Nazi era—they just love being part of any iconography without questioning it.
- Tim notes that Netflix releases content at East Coast time, which he thinks helps things catch fire faster with his New York-based audience.
- The documentary opens with Chelsea showing her house and maids while claiming she's had it hard, trying to signal self-awareness.
- Chelsea mentions a book club while supposedly not thinking about herself, a contradiction multiple interview subjects call her out on throughout.
- People interviewed in the documentary reject the notion that a Netflix special will solve systemic issues or address white privilege meaningfully.
- Chelsea asks what white people are supposed to do, missing the entire point of the criticism directed at her throughout the film.
Chelsea HandlerJaneane GarofaloHello Privilege: It's Me, ChelseaTracey KarnaRoy HandlerCheneyGabourey SidibeLouie
- 6 min
Oktoberfest Republicans and America's Selfish Psychopaths
#Continuing the Chelsea Handler bit, Tim discusses her targeting easy Republican women at Oktoberfest, then broadens into a rant about America being full of selfish psychopaths, GoFundMe culture, Billie Eilish, and Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.
10moments
- Woman attends Oktoberfest, recruits drunk white people to participate in a white privilege discussion
- Tim describes the Republican women she interviewed as brain-dead Chardonnay-swilling morons who post complaints on Nextdoor
- Tim questions what the actual victory is in getting a bunch of idiots to say dumb things on camera
- White privilege is real, but America's actual problem is being a country full of deeply selfish psychopaths
- Tim does a bit about GoFundMe where a Jersey woman responds to his question about donating with "Who's funding us?"
- Parents brought their kids to Michael Jackson's bedroom so they could get abused because he had a nice house
- Tim predicts a future American Ninja Warrior-style show where people compete for insulin and call themselves lucky to be there
- Tim respects the drunk boomer parents who raised his generation, contrasting their honest dysfunction with modern phoniness
- Tim recounts sitting with his mother while she cried and wore makeup to hide bruises
- Football season is starting and Jeffrey Epstein is out of the news cycle
Michael JacksonBillie EilishJoan RiversChrissy TeigenJeffrey Epstein
- 8 min
Tim pitches MyBookie sports betting, giving fake picks for a Bears-Redskins Monday Night Football game and riffing on gambling addiction, degenerate friend Michael's picks, and mocking the Redskins name.
10moments
- Tim recommends MyBookie.AG for sports betting, saying they have better incentives, more lines, and non-traditional prop bets.
- He describes unusual prop bets available on the site, like betting on Trump resigning at 12-to-1 odds or Ghislaine Maxwell being arrested.
- Tim's picks for Monday Night Football: Bears minus four and under 19 on the Redskins team total, though he admits his friend Michael, a degenerate gambler, is actually selecting the bets.
- He criticizes the Redskins, calling them racist and noting their owner is a billionaire asshole.
- Tim recounts going to Atlantic City for a bachelor party, describing it as a Disney World for chain-smoking amputees and visiting the Show Boat casino, a racist-themed establishment going out of business next to Trump's casino.
- Gambling from home is more fun than going to a casino, and winning money is a better move than listening to your fiancée run her mouth about vacations.
- He advises using betting winnings to tell your fiancée where you're going on vacation instead of having her talk about richer men at brunch.
- MyBookie offers a 100% deposit bonus up to $1,000 when using promo code Tim—deposit $500, get $1,000; deposit $1,000, get $2,000.
- Tim claims the Bears will win Monday night after doing due diligence on spreads and statistics, saying the Redskins have nothing and suggesting they change their name to the Washington Intersectional Feminist Alliance.
- He mocks Ben Sackler for betting on the PGA Tour instead of watching football and calls him gay, then notes he can say that word because he's a black gay man.
MyBookieWashington RedskinsChicago BearsDonald TrumpMike LawrenceAtlantic CityShowboat CasinoGhislaine Maxwell
- 5 min
Tim continues the MyBookie pitch, extending into a rant about how gambling and risk-taking define worthy men versus 'beta males,' and jokes about Ben's fake interest in the PGA Tour.
10moments
- Tim offers to bring MyBookie winners to LA for a movie deal if they prove their wins on the show.
- He describes looking like a guy people expect to care about football despite not actually watching it.
- Tim explains how he steers out of sports conversations by pivoting to Colin Kaepernick to signal that ideology matters more than technical football talk.
- Michael, the MyBookie contact, is described as a legitimate dirtbag who respects hookers and sports.
- Every respected comedian or actor actually loves whipping people in hotel rooms—nobody's wholesome.
- Tim argues that gambling teaches life philosophy: everything is gambling, the economy is gambling, risk and reward determine success.
- People addicted to gambling are actually addicted to losing because hitting bottom feels like freedom with nowhere to go but up.
- Use promo code TIM—it's for men with big penises they put wherever they want with consent, or women and gay men on a higher vibrational plane than regular society.
- Tim tells listeners they're better than the rest of society because they listen to his show, so they should gamble to prove it.
- Final pitch: win some goddamn money and make your daddy proud using MyBookie.
- 2 min
Charlie the Aunt and the Rockaway Beach Drunk Girl Story
#Tim tells a story about his aunt Charlie and a drunken teenage girl in Rockaway Beach who vomits and denies being drunk in front of her mother, to the courtyard's applause.
7moments
- Tim describes his aunt Charlie, who closes down bars with the boys in Rockaway Beach, Queens.
- The Rockaway Beach neighborhood has summer bungalows full of Irish people who get heavily drunk at a local bar called Healy's.
- A 17-year-old daughter from a neighboring family stumbles into the courtyard completely drunk, wobbling visibly.
- When her mother asks if she's drunk, the girl spins around and vomits before insisting she's not drunk while her mother is cooking.
- The entire courtyard applauds the girl after her defiant response to her mother.
- Someone offers the barely-mobile drunk girl a glass of wine, then launches into a complaint about people who went to college and got 401k plans.
- Tim notes he and his peers grew up Christian so they had to compress all their drinking and partying into their early twenties.
Rockaway BeachHealy's
- 7 min
Kevin and Jace describe their strict Church of Christ upbringing, the guilt of masturbating as kids believing they'd go to hell, and their first drunken experiences in college contrasted with Tim's earlier introduction to partying on Long Island.
13moments
- Church of Christ upbringing was so strict they couldn't say the word "fart" until age 15.
- First time doing anything bad was at age 20 and involved being tricked into it.
- Masturbating as a teenager came with crushing guilt about eternal torture in hell.
- The guilt cycle of masturbating, praying for forgiveness, and getting a rush from the fear created an addictive high.
- Father told them Judgment Day would come as a wall of fire, so they'd lay in bed waiting to be taken to hell.
- Baptism wasn't automatic—you had to choose it and earn salvation as a teenager.
- First drink was the day after high school graduation at a ranch party when someone tricked him with Everclear and sweet and low.
- Getting drunk felt like how normal people lived, so he committed to drinking every day for the next seven years.
- They used to drink in closets out of shame, then sit in the living room for fun.
- In Christian college with no supervision, they drank and drove every night, going to Walmart for doughnuts on the highway in Texas.
- Tim describes being intoxicated behind the wheel as the best feeling in the world.
- Pulling into the driveway drunk and making it home safely felt like getting into college—proof he was smart and responsible.
- Tim once got so drunk he woke up not knowing where his car was, later learning he'd gone to another bar and was yelling about Iraq War commitments while on cocaine.
Church of ChristIraq WarJay-ZNasLong IslandNirvanaPearl JamBlink-182+7 more
- 6 min
Buying a House Blind and the Legendary Brian Half
#Tim tells an extended story about buying his first house sight-unseen with his friend Brian Half, including Brian's chaotic family birthday party visit while high and getting called a disgrace by his mother.
10moments
- Tim bought a house he'd never seen, driving to the closing with no pictures online.
- Brian Half was a legendary kid who drank constantly, fell all the time, and got into endless trouble.
- When Tim told Brian he was buying a house, Brian's response was just "you're doing good."
- Brian showed up at his house to grab his paycheck for more weed but found 48 missed calls—his brother's birthday party.
- Brian's mother opened the door to both of them stumbling around high, shook her head, and said "you're a disgrace."
- Brian's father came out and asked if they ever got tired of being total Franco's.
- Tim and Brian would get high in the newly bought house and watch Reno 911 repeatedly in a 1970s-decorated space with thick carpets.
- A huge raccoon lived in a tree outside the house and would paw at the door trying to get in, unafraid.
- Brian was a wild guy who pulled Tim into a decade of chaotic fun that some people never get out of their system.
- People who don't go through that wild phase often collapse into being boring NPCs, then flip out at 40 with a midlife crisis.
Reno 911Brian Half
- 7 min
Tim pitches BetterHelp online counseling, riffing on mental health hypocrisy around Shane Gillis and the Covington kids, then jokes extensively about using the service as a phone sex substitute, referencing a previous episode's Ray bit.
10moments
- Tim and the Great Red Cone call BetterHelp and fill out a 35-minute questionnaire.
- Mental health crisis in America goes unaddressed while Twitter activists attack people like Shane Gillis.
- Tim would be happy watching everyone in Los Angeles burn.
- Going on the internet for help can lead to joining cults, marching with tiki torches, or thinking you're a fairy from outer space.
- You can change your BetterHelp counselor at any time if you don't like them.
- Before you go to an open mic and start doing comedy, call BetterHelp because their counselors are better than you deserve.
- Tim tried BetterHelp with Raymond last week; they asked 'what's that ass like' as one of their questions.
- People tell Tim he shouldn't advertise BetterHelp because of a scandal involving unqualified therapists on YouTube.
- BetterHelp is a place where you can masturbate while someone's on the other end of the phone and it's socially acceptable.
- When using the promo code, mention Tim Dylan even if you're calling with a gun in your mouth, because he needs credit for the referral.
- 1 min
Tim wraps the BetterHelp pitch mocking the service's name itself as being only 'better than nothing.'
2moments
- Tim dismisses the idea of knowing who answers the phone at a therapy service.
- The person answering might be more messed up than you are.
- 5 min
The group compares their first drinking experiences, including Ben's Smirnoff apple vodka binge watching Paul, Tim's apple martini outing at a Long Island mall, and nostalgic community college weed-smoking days with a guy named Bunz.
11moments
- Tim didn't start drinking until he left the church, and his first drink was 12 shots of Smirnoff apple vodka while watching the movie Paul.
- Tim's first experience with alcohol came in 11th grade at Roosevelt Field mall, where he and a friend drank apple martinis at a California-style restaurant.
- The apple martinis were sewage-colored and greenish, like ecto cooler, and they got drunk enough that his friend's dad had to pick them up.
- Before drinking, Tim had already done LSD, cocaine, weed, and pills starting as early as age 13 or 14.
- Weed was better than booze in the first couple years of smoking it, but then the paranoia set in and it stopped working as well.
- The most fun Tim ever had was being stoned as a teenager with friends and laughing at ridiculous things together.
- In his early 20s at community college, they played a game where they'd make up slogans and jingles for things while really stoned.
- Walking around a mall food court with no money, getting free samples, eating ranch chicken sandwiches, and laughing about how nothing matters but they could still save their lives.
- After high school, the drinking became less fun because friends went away to college while Tim stayed at community college smoking weed with a guy named Bunz.
- Tim got into mortgages and discovered booze and coke together, though he generally avoided mixing drugs and never combined pills and blow.
- Having a car as a teenager opened up a whole different level of fun compared to just walking around town getting high.
Simon PeggRyan Wass Legarre
- 3 min
Barbara Magoo's Green Taurus and Hiding From Parents While Stoned
#Tim tells a bit about dodging a friend's mother's identical green Ford Taurus while stoned as a young teen, plus a story about throwing up before church after a night of drinking.
4moments
- Tim's friend's mother Barbara Magoo drove a light green Ford Taurus, same as the guy who delivered for the Chinese spy.
- While stoned, Tim and his friends would hide behind bushes to avoid running into his friend's mom when they spotted the Taurus.
- Between ages 13 and 15, Tim spent two years walking around his town stoned and terrified of bumping into his parents or people he knew.
- Tim went to college in his hometown and had to attend church three times a week while regularly hungover.
Ben AveryBarbara Magoo
- 7 min
An extended, escalating Monday.com ad where Tim berates the listener as disorganized, friendless, and doomed to be killed (physically or professionally) unless they use Monday.com's business software.
8moments
- Tim launches into a brutal assessment of why small business owners fail: they're disorganized, thoughtless, thick, and full of anxiety.
- Escalating the insults—no fashion sense, bad at social situations, forgettable, even to parents who treated him like Kevin McCallister in Home Alone.
- Monday.com promises to fix everything by creating accountability and eliminating excuses to miss emails, meetings, or targets.
- Tim admits his own lack of organization keeps him chaotic and makes him unable to focus, which is why the software would help someone like him.
- The ultimatum: if you don't use Monday.com, you're going to be killed—either in business or literally, it's all the same.
- Stop blaming your circumstances: your childhood, your parents, your neighborhood, your school—none of it matters anymore.
- Talent is actually the problem; what matters is being organized and effective, as Tim demonstrates by noting he's talented but sleeping on someone's floor.
- Sign up for the 14-day free trial at Monday.com slash Tim so you can show up to your high school reunion as a success.
Monday.comBillie EilishKevin McCallister
- 4 min
Kevin describes losing his college golf scholarship trajectory after gaining weight and becoming isolated his freshman year away from his Christian community, eating alone and not speaking to anyone for days.
6moments
- Kevin was an all-state golfer in high school and played in college, but freshman year derailed everything.
- He gained 50 pounds his first year, lost confidence in himself, and had days where he never spoke to another person.
- Tim contrasts this with his own experience of constant talking, saying he goes to bed having spoken thousands of words to strangers.
- Tim recalls boarding a bus during the 2003 Bush-Kerry election, stoned and politically incoherent, ranting to random passengers about politics.
- Being an idiot about politics without thinking deeply is actually a nice life, and people out there still do it with Trump the same way.
- Tim notes his friends bump into each other occasionally and mention setbacks like a TV purchase pushing them back years on their life plan.
George W. BushLiverpoolDick Cheney
- 5 min
Coked-Out Bush Defense on a Long Island Bus
#Tim recalls being a stoned, coked-out Bush supporter arguing politics with strangers at bus stops and on buses during the 2004 election, contrasted with how political zealotry just shifts targets over time.
10moments
- Tim went to church until age thirty, then stopped when he started doing stand-up and found weed at thirty-two.
- Kevin didn't smoke weed until age forty-six, then started fighting with church friends who also smoked.
- Tim never got into camping the way people used to, but wasted psychedelics extensively.
- On acid at a high-end hotel on Long Island, Tim lectured a guy about people in Rockville Center not having money.
- Tim doubled down on materialism while on acid, trying to sell aliens timeshares and capitalism.
- During his second mushroom trip camping in a canyon, it flooded and Tim took his shirt off running around telling friends everything would be fine.
- Tim dug a channel from their campsite into the river on shrooms and told his panicking friends it all works out.
- Uncle Steve took Tim and cousin Brendan camping for forty-eight hours of rain while listening to NPR ranting about war criminals instead of making toasted marshmallows.
- Uncle Steve at Christmas makes dark jokes about unrest and blood on the door while saying Merry Christmas.
- Tim's dark sense of humor comes from knowing dark people and living a real life.
- 2 min
The group discusses growing up sheltered in church versus current teens rating classmates on Instagram and doing active shooter drills, contrasting innocence lost across generations.
6moments
- Growing up in the church meant having protective lies instead of the reality of modern girls selling nudes to pedophiles on the internet.
- Fifteen-year-olds rate girls from school on Instagram, commenting on features and whether they'd date them—essentially doing what used to happen at 1950s diners.
- Facebook itself got started the same way, with rating pictures of girls.
- Nine-year-olds are doing active shooter drills at school, teaching kids to walk in serpentine patterns to avoid bullets.
- Tim's daughter believes 9/11 happened but hasn't questioned why, instead asking if she can play Fortnite when she gets home.
- Being stoned and accepting the post-9/11 explanation that terrorists "hate us for our freedom" feels stupid in retrospect—Tim felt taken for a ride like everyone else.
- 9 min
The 2008 Financial Crisis Radicalized Tim Into Conspiracies
#Tim explains how working in mortgages and witnessing the 2008 financial collapse first made him question the system, leading him deeper into researching how the economy and government really function, citing the book Family of Secrets by Russ Baker.
14moments
- Tim has been listening to Alex Jones since 1999 or 2000, frequenting the GCN Network.
- He was almost an Instagram profile watching Loose Change and other conspiracy material daily.
- The 2008 financial crisis is what got him into conspiracy theories hardcore.
- Tim realized the entire economy was based on nothing during the mortgage collapse.
- He was working with middle-aged guys with families while the government pushed homeownership statistics up to 70 percent.
- When the mortgage-backed mortgages started falling apart, Tim began questioning other things and becoming very cynical.
- He started investigating how the economy works, what the US dollar is backed by, and whether the president actually does what people think.
- Family Secrets by Russ Baker, which he bought at Borders in Long Island during the 2007 crash, was the book that really opened his eyes.
- Tim noticed the Bushes had been in the White House for most of his life—HW as vice president and president, then his son for two terms.
- The book showed him the Bushes were not masters but servants to a class of very powerful, wealthy people behind the scenes.
- Tim learned about wealthy industrialists planning a coup to overthrow FDR, involving General Smedley Butler and a planned march on Washington.
- Connecting the pieces, Tim realized the same group uncomfortable with democracy was behind Kennedy's assassination and CIA coups in Latin America.
- It's not ten guys smoking cigars but an evolving class of people with similar interests who unite against outsiders threatening them.
- Asked if he buys into the whole conspiracy, Tim counters with a joke about Christians making money off war instead of blaming one group.
Bush familyfinancial crisisCIAAlex JonesRuss BakerUnited FruitFranklin Delano RooseveltSmedley Butler+3 more
- 8 min
The Bush Dynasty, Smedley Butler's Coup, and the Permanent Ruling Class
#Tim details the Russ Baker thesis that the Bush family serves a permanent class of wealthy elites, referencing the 1930s attempted coup against FDR involving General Smedley Butler and how the CIA overthrows foreign governments for corporate interests.
8moments
- Tim argues social media has slipped from elite control and exposed things like Epstein that traditional media would have buried.
- The real problem isn't elite distraction but decades of food additives, drugs, pharmaceuticals, sugar, and pills that have rotted people to the core.
- Mainstream art and entertainment tell people never to question or examine anything.
- Tim believes Americans know deep down the whole system is built on a house of cards but don't want to look behind door number two.
- The permanent ruling class emerged after World War Two when Allen Dulles and the OSS became the CIA, creating an unaccountable secret government.
- The intelligence community has done nefarious things worldwide to sustain American superpower status and perpetual economic growth.
- Dollar cheeseburgers exemplify how our entire lives are artificially subsidized by terrible things happening elsewhere.
- This system developed over a very long time, not because of Trump or recent events, and will likely just collapse slowly without changing fundamentally.
Jeffrey EpsteinOperation PaperclipAllen DullesGreta ThunbergBernie SandersDonald TrumpGeorge CarlinRome
- 4 min
Dollar Cheeseburgers and the Unraveling of a Rigged System
#Tim riffs on the idea that everyday conveniences like dollar cheeseburgers are subsidized by systemic exploitation, and that the corrupt system is too entrenched to meaningfully reform, only to slowly collapse.
6moments
- Baker's argument that military, wars, and cheap credit all developed to create a rigged system requiring total unraveling.
- Tim compares speaking out now to an Enron secretary trying to confess after already enjoying the company car and sales conference.
- People claiming that removing one politician will fix everything are deluding themselves—the system just resets under new leadership.
- Tim references Russ Baker's book about JFK and Bush, saying the detailed breakdown makes the connections seem logical rather than conspiratorial.
- Rush Limbaugh drove around Long Island coked out listening to himself, then returned from oxycontin rehab with spectacle-driven content as his comeback.
- That's what people actually want from media—spectacle, not substance.
EnronRush LimbaughJake PaulRuss BakerGeorge W. BushKevin SpaceyChelsea
- 6 min
The group praises HBO's Succession as an accurate portrayal of media dynasties controlling information, then discusses how public awareness of conspiracies (like Epstein) has shifted from shunned to mainstream since 9/11 conspiracy days.
10moments
- Tim identifies Succession and Curb Your Enthusiasm as the best shows on TV.
- Media conglomerates are controlled by five to seven families that operate as a bloodsport, planting stories about each other in the press.
- Those media families determined what people read at their kitchen table and shaped what they cared about.
- Tim calls Succession an important show that accurately depicts power-hungry media titans controlling news and its intersection with politics and business.
- The same conglomerate control structure now exists with Facebook, determining what people see instead of traditional media gatekeepers.
- Everyone's going insane because the corruption is now visible and in their face, whereas before it was hidden.
- Epstein's death in jail sparked a wave of people reconsidering 9/11 conspiracy theories, shifting from taboo to mainstream conversation.
- Tim expected people to apologize for treating him like a dumbass when he discussed Epstein at parties after his arrest.
- Tim predicted they'd pin Epstein on a couple of congressmen who got massages, but they didn't even do that and nothing happened to anyone.
- Epstein's black book sits in an evidence locker and won't be declassified.
Jeffrey EpsteinSuccessionBrian CoxHBOFacebook9/11Curb Your EnthusiasmMurdoch family+2 more
- 2 min
Tom Hanks, Epstein's Townhouse, and the Lolita Express Rumor
#The group discusses the rumor that Tom Hanks bought Jeffrey Epstein's Manhattan townhouse and speculates about his alleged connection to the Lolita Express flight logs.
7moments
- Tom Hanks has been raping kids since Big.
- Tim notes the claim that Hanks flew on the Lolita Express but can't find news articles to confirm it.
- Chelsea Handler had dinner with Epstein, which is documented as fact.
- A woman connected to GOP lawmakers was killed in June; Tim conducted an investigation into her death.
- She supposedly had information connected to Epstein through Arkansas CPS and the presidents of Fox soup.
- The rumor on the street is that Tom Hanks cut Kevin off in traffic the other day.
- She was passing bills to get C-class truck drivers to be aware of sex trafficking before she was killed.
Kevin SpaceyJeffrey EpsteinTom HanksDonald TrumpChelsea HandlerNancy Schaefer
- 1 min
Nancy Schaefer and Arkansas CPS Trafficking Claims
#Tim and the guests discuss the murder of Nancy Schaefer, tying it to claims about Arkansas CPS trafficking children connected to Epstein, framing it as part of the broader conspiracy landscape driving people to nihilism.
3moments
- Tim explains why everyone's going insane: you can verify the corruption yourself, see it's real, and feel the despair.
- His solution to nihilism is radical self-promotion — believe only in yourself and start doing stand-up regardless of ability or relevance.
- Don't let reality stop you: be a model if you're 400 pounds, perform if you can't sing, do whatever — you're creating your own reality to live in.
- 2 min
Fighting Nihilism With Radical Self-Promotion
#Tim pivots from conspiracy despair to advocating 'radical self-promotion' as the antidote, using an anecdote about a podcast client who wants to get hot girls in a hot tub to boost engagement regardless of substance.
6moments
- Start an Instagram page for your cat or lose your mind — make the little things the big things.
- Tim was hired to produce a podcast where the host pitched filling a hot tub with women as his content strategy.
- The podcast host's philosophy: people are stupid, so forget inspiration — just show guns, flamethrowers, gold chains, and fake breasts.
- A cat video where the cat claims to be a cow, puts french fries in her nose, and gets 54 million views.
- Tim tried making topical, funny videos with good angles, and was told that trying is the first mistake.
- Nothing makes less sense in this world than trying — Tim wanted to slap himself for even saying the word.
Brain Jail Podcast
- 5 min
Tim tells the story of a viral cat/cow video getting 54 million views and the lesson that overthinking content ('trying') is the wrong approach, before the guests plug their Brain Jail podcast and riff on redesigning Tim's show with inflatable asses and desk relocations.
7moments
- Tim suggests putting new material on YouTube with captions, noting nobody would care.
- Brainstorming ideas to make comedy videos crazier: hiring models to shake their ass or throwing hogs into the frame.
- Tim pitches a sketch mocking Chelsea Handler's privilege documentary for interviewing mostly white people and her ex-boyfriend in jail.
- Deciding the desk is outdated and should be replaced with a big fake ass at different locations.
- Reflecting that early YouTube videos had more brilliance when they were just Tim on a topic without costumes or props.
- Fully scripting the Chelsea Handler bit: she's a comedian who examined these issues her whole career, except she barely talks to Black people.
- Landing the bit with the punchline about showing up with a film crew to someone who's been in jail for ten years.
- 1 min
Tim closes the episode with a quick reminder to spend more money on the Patreon.
1moment
- Tim urges listeners to upgrade their membership and spend more money on Patreon