Episode 151 · The Porch Era
151 - Toddler Suicide Bomber
Jun 9, 2019 · 1:08:15 · 409,000 views · 17 segments, 117 moments indexed
Tim's first podcast after the move to LA, live from a porch. He sits down with his producer and talks the Milo controversy, theater kid mentality, how to get the government's attention, Laura Loomer, and how to call into the show.
- 1 min
Opening music and applause before any talk begins.
- 1 min
Sunset Podcast Intro and Ben Avery's Trans Identity Bit
#Tim introduces the sunset-view podcast setting from an undisclosed LA location and introduces producer Ben Avery, joking that he hired him because he's trans rather than for his production skills.
3moments
- Tim welcomes listeners to the podcast from an undisclosed Los Angeles location.
- He won't share the location because fans might show up if offended by something he says.
- Tim claims he hired Ben primarily because he is trans, not for his editing or production skills.
Benjamin AveryLos Angeles
- 3 min
The MasterClass Grift and QVC Late-Night Marketing
#Tim rips into MasterClass as a scam that cons fans of geniuses into paying for vague wisdom, comparing it to QVC's predatory late-night marketing tactics aimed at vulnerable people like his schizophrenic mother.
6moments
- MasterClass is a grift that pays celebrities to con people in their homes with promised wisdom.
- Tim would accept MasterClass if the audience were genuinely interested in the topic, but he suspects otherwise.
- QVC after midnight operates without restraint, marketing false claims like fake Kennedy jewelry to vulnerable viewers.
- Tim's schizophrenic mother would spend money she didn't have buying things from late-night QVC.
- The real MasterClass demographic isn't rational learners but the same people who tweet at Marvel asking to direct their movies.
- Genuine unwell people exist and tweet seriously at Marvel without irony, not as trolls but as actual lunatics.
- 6 min
Milo Yiannopoulos: Rise, Deplatforming, and the Billionaire Puppet Masters
#A long history of Milo Yiannopoulos — his Breitbart/Mercer family backing, Gamergate rise, Berkeley riot, Leslie Jones controversy, deplatforming, the pedophilia-adjacent comment controversy, and his attempted comeback as a comedian/Johnny Carson-type figure — framed around how billionaire donors like the Mercers and Kochs cast political spokespeople the way Hollywood casts actors.
10moments
- Tim would take a Masterclass deal for just a few hundred dollars a month to teach people whatever they want.
- He's not claiming to be a saint — if the money showed up, he'd dance his ass in a YouTube room and sell whatever garbage they wanted.
- Milo Yiannopoulos was a provocateur and Breitbart tech writer backed financially by billionaire Robert Mercer and his daughter from Long Island.
- Tim compares the Mercer backing of Breitbart to how the Koch family funds Shapiro and The Daily Wire, and Soros does the same on the left.
- Milo rose to prominence from Gamergate, pushing back against the PC gaming community wanting more women in games.
- Famous Berkeley protest against Milo resulted in over $100,000 worth of damage.
- Milo got deplatformed from Twitter allegedly for organizing fans to attack Leslie Jones, though Tim questions whether this actually happened.
- Tim argues a smart person who can actually debate would find someone like Milo relatively easy to defuse.
- Donald Trump also should have been easy to beat but wasn't, partly because people kept fighting him on his terms instead of just asking about his policies.
- Milo got deplatformed off Twitter, Patreon, and Facebook, though not as completely as what happened to Gavin McInnis, who was essentially unpersoned from all social media.
BreitbartMasterClassDonald TrumpJordan PetersonMilo YiannopoulosRobert MercerDaily WireBen Shapiro+11 more
- 5 min
Parkland Kids as Cast Spokespeople and a Long Island School Shooting Fantasy
#Tim extends the 'billionaire casting' theory to the Parkland shooting survivors like David Hogg and Emma Gonzalez, then riffs on how a hypothetical Long Island school shooting survivor interview would go, mocking vapid Long Island teen culture.
7moments
- Tim explains the Milo Yiannopoulos comment about mentorship in the gay community and priest abuse was mischaracterized by the right.
- Milo's controversial statement got dug up by Reagan Battalion and used to paint him as pro-pedophilia regardless of nuance.
- After the backlash, Milo spent two years in obscurity with his book deal pulled and his platform removed from social media.
- Milo told Jordan Peterson he's a once-in-a-generation star who will return as a Johnny Carson-type entertainer, abandoning politics.
- Tim argues Milo was never genuinely political—he was a tech writer who rode controversy to fame and was facilitated by people behind him.
- Figures like Milo, Candace Owens, and Charlie Kirk were cast into their roles by billionaire families like the Mercers, similar to how the Parkland kids were cast by left-wing interests.
- Tim questions why only eight Parkland kids became famous when hundreds graduated from the school.
Milo YiannopoulosCandace OwensCharlie KirkMercersJordan PetersonParkland school shootingTurning Point USAthe Koch family+2 more
- 4 min
A BlueChew sponsor read that drifts into a riff about a gig-economy hellscape where people drive Lyft/Uber between jobs and dream of joining a rebel militia.
4moments
- Tim describes how billionaire families in Long Island wouldn't find anyone willing to be their spokesman after a shooting.
- BlueChew advertisement: chewable erectile dysfunction medication with the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis.
- Tim contrasts owning a home and having a retirement account with the gig economy hellscape of driving Lyft and Uber between fifteen jobs.
- People trapped in the hellscape upload pictures making their lives seem fine while actually living in constant crisis and considering escape.
- 3 min
Kyle Kashuv, the N-Word, and Serving at the Pleasure of Billionaires
#Continuing the Parkland thread, Tim covers right-wing Parkland survivor Kyle Kashuv's pro-gun stance, his n-word scandal and resignation from Turning Point USA, tying it back to the idea that political spokespeople 'serve at the pleasure' of billionaire backers.
8moments
- Candace Owens and Charlie Kirk actively auditioned for their roles as right-wing figures.
- Tim describes bombing auditions as a fat comic, repeatedly cast as criminals reading lines like 'armed robbery.'
- One person complained about Tim's laugh at auditions, claiming they wanted to kill him because of it.
- Milo Yiannopoulos thought he was going to be the standard-bearer of the Republican Party at CPAC.
- The National Review crowd and Trump-skeptical Republicans got Milo deplatformed and removed him from power.
- Public figures like Milo serve at the pleasure of billionaire families like the Mercers, not grassroots movements.
- Building a fanbase organically is hard; rapid growth with media attention and infrastructure requires serious money.
- All these figures are funded by big money backing them, and they get thrown overboard if the organization loses confidence.
Milo YiannopoulosMercersNational ReviewCandace OwensCharlie Kirk
- 9 min
Politics as Theater: Pelosi, Trump, Laura Loomer, and the Financial Times vs NYT
#A sprawling riff arguing that DC politics is mostly theater with real bipartisan agreement behind the scenes, featuring Laura Loomer climbing into Nancy Pelosi's kitchen window, comparisons of Pelosi/Trump/Colbert's shared class interests, and a bit about the Financial Times being more honest than the New York Times.
11moments
- Tim explains how conservatives claim they were taken out the way Peterson fears happening to him.
- The strategy involves moving figures like Peterson toward the mainstream by opening previously closed avenues to them.
- Tim argues most of what people watch in politics is theater designed to keep them entertained while billionaires pursue their actual agenda.
- Wealthy families like the Mercers, Kochs, and Soros recruit and cast political figures rather than going to the public with their plans.
- Kyle Khrushchev from Parkland became a right-wing gun advocate despite not being in the building that was shot up.
- People serve at the pleasure of billionaire backers, which is why Kyle resigned from Turning Point USA after recordings emerged.
- Nancy Pelosi in her Georgetown townhouse with her millionaire husband has far more in common with Donald Trump than with ordinary people.
- Laura Loomer climbed through Pelosi's kitchen window after being thrown off Twitter, which Tim sees as a form of performance.
- While the internet allowed people to become politically engaged and helped elect Trump, fundamental systems remain unchanged.
- The Financial Times reveals how the world actually works—pipelines, energy prices, geopolitics—while the New York Times offers editorialized commentary.
- Tim admits the extent of political theater is funny to him, and people shouldn't give up caring entirely despite the reality of how power operates.
Kyle Kashuvpolitical theaterNew York TimesDonald TrumpGeorge SorosIlhan OmarMilo YiannopoulosNancy Pelosi+10 more
- 4 min
Do I Care? Corruption, Blackmail, and Audiences Wanting Pod Save America Instead
#Tim defends himself against accusations of not caring, describing bringing on researchers about government corruption and human trafficking only for audiences to prefer lighter content like 'dope queen' podcasts, and reflecting on why real revolutionary energy doesn't exist.
7moments
- Tim lists what he believes the U.S. government should stop doing: torture, assassinating democratically elected leaders, poisoning people, murdering journalists, and deploying death squads.
- Exposure to discussions about human trafficking and government corruption on his show has made him cynical about whether senators and congressmen care about healthcare when they're being blackmailed over child pornography and drug use.
- Tim brought well-researched writers onto the show to discuss government corruption, but audiences rejected it and demanded Pod Save America instead.
- A live tru TV podcast with Russ Baker describing MK-ULTRA and the Boston Marathon bombing fell flat in front of a room full of confused young professionals in suits.
- People don't care about real issues; they want socialism as an identity, want to make memes, attend Brooklyn Socialist Party mixers to hook up, and want Patreon money and fame.
- Self-described revolutionaries have no intention of actually doing anything—they're not burning anything down or throwing rocks at the White House.
- Tim says he's tired of being accused of not caring when the real problem is that audiences don't care.
- 4 min
The Toddler Bomb Joke and Joining ISIS Bit
#Tim revisits his 'joke' about strapping a bomb to a toddler to get the government's attention, and recalls telling fans to join ISIS, arguing these are commentary on people's empty online outrage.
8moments
- Tim pitches a joke about strapping a bomb to a toddler and sending it into Grand Central Station weekly to get the government's attention.
- He describes performing the bit on stage with a toddler walk, noting only certain cynical people in the audience find it funny.
- Tim and Ray encouraged their fans to join ISIS and move to Syria, framing it as travel and respecting people's commitment to causes.
- He admits he'd feel a little proud if his friend Ryan, a personal trainer and DJ, joined ISIS and was photographed in a Jeep Grand Cherokee with a Kalashnikov.
- The audience doesn't want edgy material anymore—they prefer SNL-level silliness rather than acknowledging the government is a murderous death cult.
- Tim argues that thinking of the government as a murderous death cult is funnier than thinking of it as silly, because it reflects the reality that life means nothing to these people.
- To reach older boomer audiences who have ruined the world, you need a website and URL; they love Facebook but won't find you on Twitch or TikTok.
- Tim promotes his website at timdillonsgoingtohell.com for people without an online presence to build audience reach.
ISISRay KumpNick BryantMark LeWine
- 2 min
A furniture-style plug for TimDylansGoingToHell.com built on Wix, tour dates, and an explanation of the promotion where fans who upgrade through his Wix link get 90 seconds on the show to pitch their project.
4moments
- Tim built the podcast website using Wix and lists upcoming tour dates at Mohegan Sun and Hilarities.
- Wix is used by over 150 million people and offers over 500 templates to choose from.
- Wix has AI design intelligence that builds your entire website if you can't be bothered to choose a template yourself.
- Tim announces a promotion: upgrade through his site link and you get 90 seconds on the show to plug your product or business.
- 6 min
George H.W. Bush's Funeral as a Demon Ritual, and Charlie Kirk Fantasy Interview
#Tim riffs on watching Bush's funeral as if politicians are ancient demons sustained by children's pineal glands, then imagines what would happen if Charlie Kirk came on his show and he brought up the Bush family's alleged crimes, plus Ann Coulter's flip-flopping opinions on the CIA/FBI.
14moments
- Tim describes watching George H.W. Bush's funeral as a demon ritual, with barely-alive figures eulogizing him after consuming pineal glands.
- He interrupts himself to ask why Comedy Central hasn't given him a shot, expressing confusion about his appeal.
- Everything about George H.W. Bush's life and most powerful people's lives is fiction perpetuated by media.
- Congressmen and senators never help their constituents because they're compromised, blackmailed, bought and sold.
- Tim laughs at people shocked you can be thrown away—you're not essential to the operation, someone's always waiting in the wings.
- When a political figure claims they'll start a comedy show on their own website, Tim corrects them: you were always just a comedian, not actually important.
- The media and political theater has gotten harder to control now that monopoly networks are gone, so they hold auditions and run field tests.
- The system worked when all major networks existed and powerful people went to the same schools and lived in same communities.
- Tim segues to Charlie Kirk, claiming people on his show don't know why he's not a woke social justice type.
- He's had guests credibly accuse the Bush family of Kennedy's murder, drug trafficking, human trafficking, and overthrowing elected governments.
- Conservative and right-wing figures are clowns saying whatever they need to say for money—they're failed actors with bad teeth who couldn't make it in Hollywood.
- Ann Coulter went 180 degrees on her views: once supported CIA and Iraq War, now opposes them—these people don't care about values, only relevance and visibility.
- Talking heads don't believe in anything; their only value is relevance—getting on bestseller lists, the right TV shows, the right cocktail parties.
- Don't come at Tim claiming he doesn't care while accusing him of wanting fame—you're psychopaths if you do that.
George H. W. BushBush familyAnn CoulterComedy CentralCharlie Kirk
- 6 min
The 50-Year-Old LA Woman Going Spiritual and the Comedy Community's Theater Kid Energy
#A bit about an aging LA woman turning to wellness culture once men stop wanting her, transitioning into Tim's complaints about the 'theater kid energy' and unearned confidence in the current comedy scene.
10moments
- Tim doesn't need to write about socialized medicine or his mother's mental institution to be relevant.
- Called a corporate shill despite making no money and working in digital media that barely exists.
- The 50-year-old LA woman trope: life revolves around being desirable until she isn't, then spirituality begins.
- Comedy community has theater kid energy—unearned jubilance and self-importance.
- Tim was a real actor on Sesame Street and in legitimate off-Broadway productions, not high school theater.
- Performed in a play about childhood sexual abuse in the Village when it still had integrity and black box theaters.
- Manhattan's small theaters replaced by theater kids with PR departments and manufactured personas.
- Countless talented people in New York will die underappreciated while mediocre ones get platforms and attention.
- Successful performers today are lucky—they didn't invent anything and aren't earning riots or refunds from audiences.
- When people copy him, Tim says thank you, but nobody's actually copying him.
Sesame Streetthe comedy communityNew York CityJoan Rivers
- 7 min
Sesame Street, Child Rape Play, and Overhyped Newcomers Who Haven't Earned It
#Tim recounts his real child-acting career including a play about incest/rape performed in a Greenwich Village black box theater, then rants against comedians and newcomers who act like they've revolutionized comedy after five minutes, urging humility and gratitude.
11moments
- Tim tells an overhyped newcomer they've done nothing and inspired no one despite having talent.
- A CVS cashier with three kids and an abusive husband has more talent than this person will ever have.
- Certain people act like they've revolutionized comedy after being around for five minutes.
- Nobody's actually out there being inspired; it's a mirage, like a fat girl from Ohio moving to New York anyway.
- Real theater people came from actual training, not mommy and daddy paying for camps and publicists.
- Tim finds it aggravating when someone pops up out of nowhere and thinks they're paving the way.
- The way has already been paved; people are just coming down the road that exists.
- At a play, Tim saw something so bad he was embarrassed to be in the audience and didn't want to be seen.
- A baby actor in The Ferryman has done more than Tim and has made more money and is more essential to the production.
- Tim refuses to do articles claiming he had it harder as a gay guy in comedy when tons of gay comedians came before him.
- One gay comedian claimed to be the first gay guy to work a comedy club, which Tim says is provably untrue.
- 2 min
Tim lists upcoming tour dates (Mohegan Sun, Skankfest, Cleveland, San Diego, Charlotte, Nashville, Alabama) and gives out his and Ben Avery's social media/contact info.
4moments
- Tim's upcoming tour dates: Mohegan Sun July 20-22, Skank Fest July 23, and club spots in New York late June.
- July 19 at Hilarities in Cleveland, one of his favorite clubs.
- Tim's social media handles for tour updates: TimJayDillon on Instagram and Twitter.
- Ben Avery's contact info: @BenAvery on Instagram and Twitter, BenjaminAvery.net for his website with production and editing work.
- 2 min
Tim reiterates the Wix promo rules, warns fans not to fake screenshots to get on the show, and jokingly threatens anyone who tries to scam the 90-second pitch slot.
5moments
- Tim explains the Wix promotion rules: click the link at his website, use the promo code for 10% off, send proof to get on the show for a 90-second pitch.
- Fans who qualified will pitch their projects to tens of thousands of people, with Tim potentially asking questions or ending the segment early if horrified.
- Tim admits he's putting people on the show regardless of whether they actually used the promo code, saying he doesn't have time to verify who's lying.
- The episode with pitches is coming soon, recorded next week, and Tim will post details on Instagram and Twitter afterward.
- Tim warns that anyone caught faking the promo code will have nothing at 45 seconds into their 90-second pitch window.
- 3 min
Closing Riff: Contempt for Everyone Except the True Fan
#Tim closes by clarifying an earlier 'I respect everybody' line was insincere, describes his contempt for people in general, then delivers a direct, over-the-top address of love to whoever is truly listening before signing off.
5moments
- A comic said 'when people copy me, you know what I say? Thanks' — Tim can't tell if it was serious or joking.
- Tim claims he respects everybody, immediately backtracks and admits he means nothing of it.
- A comic asked Tim last night how he posts on Instagram with such confidence; Tim replied he looks at people like animals because he has contempt for all of them.
- The only exception: whoever is listening to this show right now is a gift from God, designed by Jesus Christ.
- Everyone else is a flaming pile of dog shit Tim wants to see dismembered on television, or a streaming service, or social media.