Episode 62 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
Bring Back The Mob
Sep 17, 2017 · 59:52 · 17 segments, 120 moments indexed
- 1 min
Opening music, applause, and Tim welcoming listeners with Ray Kump joining momentarily, greeting producer Shannon.
2moments
- 0:14Tim welcomes listeners to the show and announces Ray Kump will join momentarily.
- 0:34Shannon, the show's producer, is introduced and asked to greet the audience.
- 1 min
The Ambulance Guy and Feeling Nothing
#Tim describes seeing a possibly dead man being loaded into an ambulance on his way to record, and admits he mostly just worried about getting to the studio on time, calling it a very 2017 reaction.
3moments
- 0:42Tim witnessed an accident on the way to the studio, with EMTs wheeling a guy into an ambulance.
- 1:14He was stuck in Uber traffic, yelling at the driver about not moving, then realized someone might have just died.
- 1:36Tim reflects on 2017 mentality: worrying about making a podcast recording while watching a potential fatality unfold, recognizing it's wrong but feeling it anyway.
- 1 min
Tim urges listeners to sign up at TimDillonComedy.com for advance tickets to the annual New York Comedy Festival bus tour, warning that only a limited number of seats will be available.
4moments
- 1:55Tim urges listeners to sign up for the New York Comedy Festival bus tour at TimDillonComedy.com
- 2:22Only about 50 tickets per bus available this year because industry people are being added to the tour
- 2:37Tim warns that not signing up for the email list means probably not getting a seat on the bus
- 3:00Bus tickets going on sale late September for the Thursday, Friday, and Saturday of the New York Comedy Festival
- 3 min
Staten Island Ferry Odyssey Begins
#Tim and Ray recount taking the Staten Island Ferry after lunch, riffing on the reverse commute, the grim majesty of the ferry, and Tim's memories of poverty, unemployment, and community college.
6moments
- 3:23Tim and Ray took the Staten Island ferry and narrowly escaped with their lives.
- 3:46He got a job in Staten Island, which led to his first visit there.
- 4:34Tim decided to take the ferry with Ray, never having been on it before.
- 4:51When he first came to New York, Tim was on unemployment, then extended unemployment while attending Nassau Community College.
- 5:08The 99-week unemployment benefit required enrollment in full-time classes but Tim just dropped the courses he enrolled in.
- 5:40Tim has enough credits for an associate's degree but never got it because he finds the actual degree embarrassing.
Staten IslandNassau Community CollegeHell's KitchenNew York City
- 2 min
Telemarketing Job in Tottenville and the Brutal Commute
#Tim details getting a telemarketing job at Reliable Office Systems in Tottenville, Staten Island, describing the grueling multi-hour commute via bus and ferry from his apartment in Hell's Kitchen while broke and eating oatmeal from a plastic cup.
7moments
- 5:48An AA degree is worse than not having a degree.
- 6:13Tim argues that 25 is the cutoff age—after that, there's no dignified reason to still be in school.
- 6:27Paralegal students who worked for small-time attorneys thought they knew more than the professor.
- 6:50One attorney's actual method was slipping cash under the table and adjusting contract values.
- 7:10Tim took a telemarketing job three hours away in Staten Island because he wasn't choosy enough to refuse work.
- 7:26When you don't have a degree, you can't be picky about jobs—you have to accept what's offered.
- 7:44Tim sets up a larger theme: few people understand what it's actually like to be broke.
povertyLuigi Testiverdi
- 4 min
On Being Broke and Stuck
#Tim reflects seriously on what real poverty and being 'stuck' feels like, talking about how some people never acquire the skills to escape, contrasted with people who have safety nets.
6moments
- 8:04Hotels and restaurants in New York don't want to hire fat people for front-facing roles like concierge.
- 8:39Tim found his telemarketing job through a Craigslist ad—the gateway to all great employment—placed by a man from Reliable Office Systems in Tottenville, Staten Island.
- 9:02Tottenville, described as the Mordor of Staten Island, is so remote Tim didn't believe it was a real place.
- 9:48The commute to the Tottenville job required waking at 5 a.m., waiting for the Staten Island Express bus, then ferrying to Manhattan.
- 11:03Taking the Staten Island ferry every day destroys any romance about being on the water—it becomes like cattle being led into a pen for slaughter.
- 11:40The psychological weight of the reverse commute: leaving Manhattan, the island of opportunity, on a boat passing the Statue of Liberty to go away.
- 6 min
Riding the S-74 Bus Through Staten Island
#Tim and Ray recreate their present-day bus ride along Staten Island's S-74, riffing on its endless stops, disabled riders, an old lady with a MetroCard problem, and comparing the bus experience to being led to slaughter.
10moments
- 12:07Tim describes his broke commute days: taking the Staten Island Ferry in brutal cold while eating oatmeal from a plastic cup he'd prepared at home.
- 13:14Taking public transportation in Staten Island, a place where you're supposed to have a car, is absurd.
- 13:50On the ferry, Tim and his friend encounter a group of kids and an old lady knitting a medieval tapestry while making bizarre T-Mobile phone comments.
- 14:36The S-74 bus weaves through Staten Island, which is only 14 miles long but feels massive because the bus stops on every single street.
- 15:07The bus stops at every liquor store and meat market, though consolidating stops is difficult because disabled people genuinely depend on them.
- 15:28Tim reflects on poverty as being stuck: people trapped on buses with no real way out and no network of people who can lend them money.
- 16:12Many people on the bus never acquired basic skills like customer service or communication, preventing them from even simple jobs like travel agency work.
- 16:34Tim jokes about someone who can't hold a travel agent job because they can't stop saying fuck while describing vacations.
- 16:53Tim observes couples riding the S-74 for an hour and a half through Staten Island with no real destination in mind.
- 17:09After an hour and a half on the bus to the transit center, Tim and his friend get off, walk through a strip mall, and buy cigarettes and black label scotch before boarding again to nowhere.
- 3 min
Stealing Cereal and Working the Copier Phones
#Tim describes his day-to-day at the telemarketing job, stealing a coworker's cereal out of poverty, and setting up appointments for copier sales reps alongside a top producer named Ida.
7moments
- 17:33Tim's plan to take Shannon to dinner falls through because she's working.
- 17:53Stuck at the bus terminal for an hour, asking the MTA guy when the bus arrives.
- 18:50Tim complains about the MTA workers' hostile attitude toward basic questions.
- 19:34The bus to Bricktown Mall never shows up on the weekend.
- 19:49Tim's job calling to set up copier sales appointments, where he'd steal Special K cereal for breakfast at 9:30 a.m.
- 20:03He stole cereal in the bathroom stall because he had no money and couldn't afford a dollar.
- 20:24Tim sat next to Ida, the top producer who set up three to five appointments a day calling businesses.
MTABricktown MallShannon
- 3 min
The Copier Sales Call Bit
#Tim and Ray perform an improvised sales call sketch as copier salesmen threatening a reluctant customer named Ray/Tom over Ricoh machines and paperless leases.
6moments
- 20:41Tim opens the bit as Ray calling Reliable Office Systems about Rico copiers and a coming lease renewal.
- 21:11The customer complains the previous company won't show up when called for service.
- 21:39Tim proposes switching to Toshiba, then pivots hard to Canon as an authorized dealer.
- 22:15Customer asks why Tim is selling him a copier while also pushing him toward going paperless.
- 22:32Ray calls out the pitch as patronizing, and Tim escalates into an aggressive closing threat about bending him over with Al the office manager.
- 23:03After the threatening riff bottoms out, Tim pivots to asking if the customer has scanners, then trails into a setup about someone named Ida taking calls very fast.
- 4 min
Ida's Dream Car and Moving Up to Hedge Fund Sales
#Tim describes the desperation of his telemarketing coworkers, his own stint in a potato bread warehouse, and his eventual promotion to selling copiers to Park Avenue hedge funds while wearing a bird-shit-stained jacket.
10moments
- 23:20Working in a sales office when no one has money is the worst because the people there are destitute and have had their dignity completely robbed.
- 24:10Ida's dream was to make enough money to buy a car so she wouldn't have to take the bus to work—a commute that took an hour and a half for a nine-minute drive.
- 24:43Tim got promoted from setting appointments to actually selling copiers, then moved into hedge fund sales on Park Avenue.
- 25:00He would walk into hedge funds to pitch them while wearing a jacket with bird shit on it that his dad found in a hurricane.
- 25:16A truly gangster office on Park Avenue had 8,000 square feet with just two lawyers, one secretary, and barely any staff—that's how you know they're legit.
- 25:35Tim didn't have money for nicer clothes and was burning the candle at both ends doing comedy open mics every night while working sales.
- 25:58His manager promoted him because he was really good on the phone and they wanted him to become a real salesman instead of just an appointment setter.
- 26:15These copier sales guys were suburban hustlers who worked their way into the middle class—one got a Lexus—but nobody respects copier salesmen and there will never be a Wolf of Wall Street about them.
- 26:58His boss Al from Long Island kept naming sports teams during the interview, which Tim realized was him trying to figure out if Tim was gay.
- 27:27Tim didn't move to New York City to become a copier salesman, so he eventually left the job.
Glengarry Glen RossAlPark Avenue
- 3 min
Walking Arthur Kill Road and Staten Island Bus Culture
#Tim and Ray recount getting off the bus onto the dangerous, sidewalk-less Arthur Kill Road near their old office, riffing on the Cropsey serial killer legend, the College of Staten Island, and the resignation of bus riders.
8moments
- 27:37Arthur Kill Road looks like someone got killed there and that's what they named it after—it's a terrifying, suburban version of Deliverance.
- 28:26The Cropsey serial killer operated in the woods around the College of Staten Island, where kids were disappearing.
- 28:48Tim and Ray got off the bus in the middle of Arthur Kill Road with no sidewalk and guard rails—designed to kill you within five minutes.
- 29:23Tim was drinking on the bus and got talkative and gregarious, chatting up Staten Island bus people about a copier deal.
- 29:51Some bus riders are just resigned to being there—they've seen worse and won't exert emotion over a drunk guy talking to them for hours.
- 30:08Being on a bus makes you lose autonomy over your day—you're trapped in a public situation where anything can happen.
- 30:38A bus is worse than a train because it trudges along slowly while old people take forever getting off and you can't get mad.
- 30:53The experience made Tim think he needs to work harder and figure out a way to get out of that situation.
Arthur Kill RoadStaten IslandDeliveranceCollege of Staten IslandCropsey
- 4 min
Dinner at Angelina's and Staten Island's Mob Culture
#After visiting the old office, Tim and Ray have dinner at the upscale Angelina's restaurant looking disheveled, leading into a discussion of Staten Island's insular, mob-adjacent culture compared to Long Island and Brooklyn.
7moments
- 31:40Tim recalls eating at Angelinas restaurant on Staten Island years ago after doing a couple of mortgage deals there.
- 31:58He and Ray arrived at Angelinas looking like vagrant grifters after three hours on a public bus, both smelling of scotch.
- 32:39The restaurant is set on beautiful grounds with chandeliers hanging from trees and a love sign in the grass, like a catering hall.
- 33:04Their first move as disheveled customers was to ask if they could charge their phones.
- 33:19Staten Island gym guys in white sneakers sit mostly silent while their girlfriends talk, though some of them won't shut up.
- 34:12Tim and Ray ordered Buffalo mozzarella, sausage, and fettuccine bolognese—fine food, though more catering hall than Manhattan Italian.
- 34:37Despite the meal being decent, what really impressed Tim was the actual atmosphere and setting of the place itself.
- 5 min
Mob Wives, Family Killers, and the Decline of the Mafia
#The conversation shifts to Mob Wives, Staten Island's remaining mafia culture, Tim's childhood memories of connected guys on Long Island, his dad's FBI-agent friend, and speculation about the mob's decline versus new organized crime groups.
8moments
- 35:31Mob Wives reminded Long Islanders of people who think they're in the mob but aren't quite connected.
- 35:53Staten Island is the last holdover of mob culture; Long Island's version is mostly done.
- 36:39People born in Staten Island never leave; they stay in the borough and date within it.
- 37:25Connected guys at nightlife venues are identifiable by how they separate from women to smoke cigars and talk business.
- 38:13Long Island has so many counterfeit guys pretending to be connected.
- 39:04Tim visited a compound in Quogue owned by guys in the carding business and was offered unlimited ribs.
- 39:37A family friend's ex-husband was a very fat man with compression boots whose knees would bleed and who was a killer for some family.
- 40:05The fat killer liked eating caffeine pills.
- 5 min
Giuliani, the Mob's Fall, and NYC Sold to Elites
#Tim theorizes that cleaning up the mob was a precursor to selling New York City to global billionaires and elites, discussing how power consolidates without benefiting the public.
8moments
- 40:36Jerry Capisi runs Gangland News, the definitive mafia blog that broke stories about mobsters turning rat during Mob Wives.
- 40:54Tim speculates the mob's power has shifted toward Russian organized crime and other groups while traditional Italian mob families have lost ground.
- 41:23Organized crime is no longer the exclusive province of any single group—street gangs, prison gangs, and cartels now compete for turf.
- 41:54Tim's father knew an FBI agent who worked major mob cases and tailed John Gotti; they'd meet Thursdays at a men's club on Staten Island with a Pulitzer Prize-winning photographer.
- 42:35Staten Island is the only place in the area that still feels like it has an active mob presence; Little Italy and Long Island have lost that atmosphere entirely.
- 43:19Giuliani got credit for breaking the mob's power, though Tim notes those who stayed in the life are now in prison—it's harder to get away with anything.
- 43:41Breaking the mob and cleaning up the city with Giuliani may have been setup to sell New York off to global elites and petrodictators for money laundering.
- 44:25At that level of power, nobody does things to benefit the greater good—they solidify their own power base first, never risking it for the common good.
Rudolph GiulianiJohn F. KennedyJohn GottiGangland NewsJerry CapisiMob WivesRuss Baker
- 4 min
NYC's Homogenized, Expensive Culture and Starting Their Own Mob
#Tim and Ray discuss how skyrocketing rents killed off funky independent venues in favor of chain stores, then joke about starting their own crime family, with Ray dubbed 'Don Kump' and Tim's mob alias 'Crab Rangoon.'
8moments
- 45:09Tim explains how NYC was sold to the highest bidder through Bloomberg's push to lure billionaires to the city.
- 45:59Safety improvements mean little when no one can afford to live in New York anymore.
- 46:15The city is becoming boring as independent restaurants and shops close, replaced by chain stores on every block.
- 46:30Venues with expensive rent can't survive on weekend shows alone—they need to make money every single night.
- 47:13Even the Village bars and restaurants have become homogeneous and expensive, catering to a different clientele.
- 47:42Only high-end establishments—steakhouses, expensive sushi, clubs charging $17 a drink—can afford the rent.
- 48:02Tim proposes bringing back the mob to fix the city's problems, starting with themselves.
- 48:18They establish a fictional mob hierarchy with Ray as the Don, ready to consolidate power against the five families.
- 5 min
Upcoming Alien Guest and Show Plans
#Tim teases an upcoming guest, a former professional athlete turned alien researcher, jokes about the wiretap bit with Crab Rangoon, and mentions following up with Russ Baker and the director who made Finding Johnny.
11moments
- 48:50Tim jokingly describes his impending death, then pivots to heading to an Asian fusion buffet and adopts the FBI codename "Crab Rangoon."
- 49:13Crab Rangoon's criminal operations supposedly extend to Hong Kong, styled after Vinny the Chin's public eccentricity as a disguise.
- 49:58They're planning something exciting for next week involving a previously untouched subject: aliens.
- 50:11An ex-professional baseball player who played in the majors is coming on the show as an alien expert and has since gone insane.
- 50:44Tim recalls the guest making sense while Tim was vomiting during their previous conversations about the subject.
- 51:06The guest is sending Tim credible alternative journalists and researchers in the UFO space, similar to Nick Bryant or Russ Baker.
- 51:32Tim is excited about upcoming projects, including a potential live tour and special events they're developing.
- 51:50Pitching a Nickelodeon-style show concept where Tim and Rick invade listeners' jobs to get them fired as a promotional tour.
- 52:54A recurring comedic bit where Tim plays Crab Rangoon, a mobster character with suspicious shipments and wiretap conversations.
- 53:10Tim plans to check in with previous guests and directors who've made original work, including someone who worked with Johnny.
- 53:26Discussion turns to JFK assassination theories, specifically whether the show had previously covered the murder of JFK's mistress a year after his assassination.
Vincent GigantiRuss BakeraliensJohn F. Kennedy
- 6 min
Tim runs through his tour dates (DC, Cleveland, the Impractical Jokers cruise, NYC Comedy Festival bus tour, Portland, Manchester, Tampa), Ray plugs his bar shows, they joke about Guinea Pig and free shows, and close with final thoughts on the Staten Island trip before signing off.
9moments
- 54:02Tim announces tour dates: DC Improv (September 15-16), New York City for rest of September and October, Cleveland's Hilarities, Impractical Jokers cruise in November, New York Comedy Festival tour bus show, Portland Maine and Manchester New Hampshire in December, Tampa in early next year.
- 54:54Tim promotes social media: Instagram at TimJDylanDILON, Twitter same handle, Facebook.
- 55:05Ray Kump talks about bar shows and rebuilding comedy momentum, mostly free gigs.
- 55:37Tim tells audience not to stab him or Ray at shows, jokes about potentially paying for it if stabbed by a woman.
- 56:03Tim mentions guinea pig segment on Vice Sports, threatens to stab Ray if he says guinea pig again.
- 56:20Tim promotes Vice Sports show he hosts and writes, described as a look into the strange and professional.
- 57:07Ray announces live shows tonight at Pine Box Rock Shop and mentions Hot Soup and Irish Exit.
- 57:32Tim suggests listeners stay home and watch Netflix instead of going out.
- 57:58Discussion of returning to Staten Island restaurant in September or October, with talk of renting a car versus taking the Express Bus for next visit.