Episode 29 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
No Friends of Anyone
Jan 24, 2017 · 1:04:14 · 24 segments, 150 moments indexed
- 1 min
Opening promo bumper for the GaS Digital Network framing the show as a critical look at people society hates.
2moments
- 0:13Tim Dillon Is Going To Hell.
- 0:25Tim's philosophy: there are bad things and bad people in the world, and thank God for them.
- 1 min
Flirting With Being Fat and the Birthday Call
#Tim riffs on the different social stages of being fat, then tells the story of his 32nd birthday and an awkward, meaningless phone call from his manager.
4moments
- 0:45Tim describes the phase of "flirting with being fat" — when you're just getting chubby and people's comments about it are still kind of funny.
- 1:03The difference: when you're a little fat, people don't make you sad yet; now they just tell him he's killing himself.
- 1:13Tim's manager called on his 32nd birthday and asked how old he was in a worried, accusatory tone.
- 1:37Tim joked that he has two years to "make it," and his manager responded by saying it's "on" him — implying responsibility for Tim's success or mortality.
- 2 min
Pastries, the Nazi Super, and the Hoarder Roommate
#Tim describes eating expensive bakery pastries in his filthy, hoarder-cluttered apartment while the building's superintendent ("the Nazi") barges in to check for leaks, and riffs on his roommate's hoarding habits.
6moments
- 1:57Tim's roommate bought him four pastries from a Long Island City bakery that were so good he saved them to eat the next morning with tea.
- 2:26The building super—called the Nazi because he's shaved-headed—knocked on the door while the plumber was coming, and just barges in without caring.
- 2:45Tim's roommate is a hoarder; things are piled to the ceiling and it's a nightmare disgusting apartment.
- 3:11On hoarder shows, someone will point at junk and the person admits it's awful, but it could be cool if they weren't living in cat shit.
- 3:29The roommate has collected useless stuff like old beard dye and takes objects from garbage to presumably sell on eBay.
- 3:58Until yesterday, Tim and his roommate hadn't washed dishes in two weeks, but Tim washed them today even though his roommate didn't ask.
- 1 min
The Peach Pastry Standoff With the Super
#Continuing the apartment story, Tim describes sitting in his robe eating a peach pastry while the super stares in disbelief at the mess, ending in a defiant staredown, then reflects on how good the pastries actually were.
4moments
- 4:24Tim sits in a cluttered apartment eating peach pastries while the super stares at him disapprovingly.
- 4:49The apartment contains a massage table, an ancient Packard Bell computer, and junk piled floor to ceiling.
- 5:10Super asks if this is Tim's day; Tim responds by going back to eating pastries and staring at the rain.
- 5:28Tim explains the pastries were exceptional, even though he doesn't usually care for baked goods.
- 2 min
Ray's Windowless Room and Pissing in Bottles
#Ray describes living in a windowless second-floor room in a house full of Filipinos, leading into a discussion of pissing in bottles in shared housing situations to avoid using shared bathrooms.
5moments
- 6:05Tim describes a mini moose cake dessert he ate while an apartment inspector kept saying "Jesus Christ" at the state of the place.
- 6:37Tim lives in a windowless room on the second floor of a house.
- 6:48The room gets sweltering hot in the summer despite having an AC unit.
- 7:22Tim keeps jars of piss in his windowless room instead of always using the bathroom.
- 7:32In shared house situations, people just piss in bottles—it's a normal thing.
- 3 min
Tim's History of Terrible NYC Apartments
#Tim recounts a string of grim New York apartment situations: a steam-pipe room, a shower in the kitchen, recurring bedbug infestations, and a mouse-infested place in Brooklyn.
7moments
- 7:45Tim pissed in Poland Spring bottles during shared house situations to avoid bathroom conflicts at odd hours.
- 8:24Tim questions why grandparents fought World War Two when people now voluntarily live in degrading conditions like pissing in jars.
- 8:50The windowless room wasn't advertised as such; Tim was just looking for something inexpensive and rushed to move out of his place.
- 9:12Tim quit working at a jail to move to Brooklyn and had a dispute with the county executive's office that went nowhere.
- 9:59First NYC apartment had a steam pipe so hot you'd get burned bumping into it.
- 10:09Bathroom for the entire apartment was located in the building's hallway.
- 10:23Bedbug infestations hit the apartment twice in one year, leaving welts in rows and requiring burning everything.
- 2 min
The Northwest Corner Toast Girl
#Tim describes a deeply OCD ex-roommate who ritualistically ate the same three bites from the northwest corner of a piece of toast every morning before eventually kicking him out over water bottles on the floor.
6moments
- 10:56Tim describes living in a Brooklyn apartment with a woman during a severe mouse infestation that left them with no garbage.
- 11:11The woman had an OCD ritual: every morning she'd take three tiny bites from the northwest corner of a piece of toast with peanut butter, then put it back in the refrigerator.
- 11:52After three months, she kicked Tim out, claiming there were too many water bottles on the floor of the living room.
- 12:07Tim objected to her solution of bagging garbage and taking it out every night instead of using a proper system.
- 12:18He moved from there to Astoria, then bounced around before returning to Long Island, and eventually came back to Astoria.
- 12:35Tim now lives with a roommate he likes, though both are depressed and the apartment has become a bad situation aesthetically.
- 6 min
Ray's Deviled Egg Obsession
#Tim interrogates Ray about his habit of making deviled eggs in a shared kitchen, riffing on why deviled eggs are a strange, almost cannibalistic-seeming dish and comparing it to grandma/aunt cooking.
10moments
- 13:26Tim mentions the apartment might have black mold and describes his reaction to the contractor's concern while eating a peach pastry.
- 14:11A girl showed up on Christmas morning screaming at Ray's roommate for trying to break up with her.
- 14:35Ray criticizes lasagna with shrimp as a weird combination and explains you can't brag about making lasagna.
- 15:17People have walked past Ray while he makes deviled eggs in the kitchen.
- 15:51Tim questions why Ray thinks deviled eggs is the only thing he makes.
- 16:19Ray describes making phenomenal tacos by grilling cheese and herbs onto his own tortilla shells.
- 16:49Tim finds it bizarre that Ray makes deviled eggs, calling it something only old Southern women or grandmothers would make.
- 17:33Ray reveals he was repulsed by deviled eggs as a kid and has only made them a couple of times.
- 17:53Ray took beautiful photography of the deviled eggs and doesn't want to be associated as "the deviled egg guy."
- 18:15Tim jokes that Ray carries deviled eggs in his pocket as a treat, like other people carry mints.
- 4 min
Introducing Rodrigo Duterte
#Tim introduces Philippine president Rodrigo Duterte's brutal anti-drug war, his vulgar public statements (insulting Obama, the Pope, and reporters), and plays a fake fan-jingle bit about him.
9moments
- 18:42Tim opens with the current political climate being tense, with a divisive new leader dividing people.
- 19:00The leader in question is Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines, known for his controversial anti-drug stance.
- 19:32Tim acknowledges Duterte is authoritarian but notes the Philippines faces a severe drug epidemic.
- 19:48The alleged scheme: cops deal drugs to people and then turn around and kill them.
- 20:22Tim notes Duterte called Obama a cocksucker and made vulgar insults in verbal wars.
- 20:47Tim clarifies he's not endorsing Duterte but finds it odd which leaders the West chooses to vilify.
- 21:03The US gives Saudi Arabia a pass despite their execution of gays, women, and children, while attacking Duterte.
- 21:50In an overwhelmingly Catholic country, Duterte swore at the Pope, initially defending it as radical populism testing the elite.
- 22:10After his election, Duterte appeared with a televangelist and said he needed to control his mouth to be presidential.
- 2 min
A Euronews clip plays of Duterte defiantly addressing reporters about sovereignty and the death toll from his drug war, followed by Obama's cautious response, with a death toll update to 2,400 people killed.
4moments
- 23:22Duterte in a white shirt looks like the manager of a catering hall.
- 23:40Tim notes Duterte's defiant statement: 'I am a president of a sovereign state' and 'I do not have any master in the Philippines.'
- 24:12Obama admits it might not be the right time for talks with the Philippines, praising the historical relationship while dodging confrontation.
- 24:42Over 2,400 people killed in drug-related violence since Duterte took office two months ago, with campaigners raising questions about extrajudicial killings.
- 2 min
Comparing the Philippines to a US Colony
#Tim and Ray riff on how confused Americans are about the Philippines' relationship to the US, then discuss Duterte's fixation on eradicating drug addicts as a political strategy.
7moments
- 25:03Nobody even knows if the Philippines is part of the US or not, the relationship is so entrenched.
- 25:22Tim on the colonial ambiguity: we conquered them in World War II, or something, but it's all very fuzzy.
- 25:37The Philippine president is interesting because he really doesn't like drug addicts.
- 25:54He believes drugs are tearing the country apart and the next generation of Filipinos will be hopelessly damaged.
- 26:15Tim's take: as a president, having something to fight against—drugs, enemies—gives you a clear purpose and justification for violence.
- 26:36You need someone to drag in front of cameras to show off seized drugs and prove you're winning the war.
- 26:47South Korea got mad at the Philippine president for attending a birthday party thrown by a rogue police chief.
- 1 min
A news clip covers South Korean anger over Duterte attending the birthday party of a police chief linked to a Korean businessman's murder, with Duterte defending him publicly.
3moments
- 27:10South Korean anger over Philippine president attending birthday party of police chief accused of murdering a businessman
- 27:23President Duterte celebrated the police chief's 55th birthday at a location near where the businessman was strangled with packaging tape
- 27:38Tim dismisses media focus on the birthday party attendance, pointing out the real issue is that Duterte keeps him as police chief
Ronald Bato de la RosaRodrigo DuterteSouth Korea
- 2 min
Another news clip has Duterte threatening to leave the UN and blasting the US over bombing civilians abroad while criticizing his drug war; Tim and Ray compare this to Trump's own "we do a lot of killing too" moment.
5moments
- 28:26Duterte's response to UN criticism: 'If you can say one bad thing about me, I can give you ten.'
- 28:41Philippine foreign minister excuses the outburst by claiming Duterte was hungry and tired when he made the statement.
- 28:59Duterte criticizes US bombing campaigns in Syria and elsewhere, questioning why the UN doesn't object to American military actions.
- 29:36Tim notes Duterte has a point: both leaders kill people, just with different methods.
- 29:50Tim recalls Trump telling an interviewer that America does 'a lot of killing of our own,' dismissing complaints about Putin.
- 2 min
Tim reads about Duterte accusing the Catholic Church of hypocrisy and corruption, tying it into a riff about Trump-style insult politics spreading to leaders worldwide and short attention spans driving political discourse.
8moments
- 30:16Duterte claimed he and many of his ministers were molested by priests.
- 30:38Tim notes Duterte recommended reading a book about church secrets and said he might write his own book titled "Hypocrisy."
- 30:50Duterte told the Catholic Church: "You are full of shit! You all smell bad! Corruption and all!"
- 31:04Tim wonders if Trumpism is spreading globally and making world leaders resort to schoolyard taunts like "you smell fat."
- 31:18Tim speculates whether other leaders are copying Trump's approach after seeing how he won.
- 31:31Tim argues that social media and short attention spans force politicians to insult people to stay relevant.
- 31:50Everything trending now involves watching someone get destroyed or demolished—liberals and conservatives both operate the same way.
- 32:11Tim suggests world leaders are learning that appealing to the better angels of human nature doesn't work anymore.
- 5 min
Obama Wasn't a Saint: Drone Wars and Executive Power
#Tim argues Obama's likable image obscured continuation of Bush-era war powers, drone strikes, whistleblower prosecutions, and the normalization of extrajudicial killing and private military contractors.
10moments
- 32:27Obama was a great actor who probably cared about people, but that doesn't excuse his actual record.
- 32:53He wiretapped journalists, prosecuted whistleblowers, and dropped hellfire missiles—a thousand bombs in a year.
- 33:07Obama reversed his position on Guantanamo Bay, revealing either he was a wolf in sheep's clothing or the public actually wanted those policies.
- 33:36The idea that Obama was a saint is false; there are no outsiders in electoral politics.
- 33:54Bush expanded executive power and presidential authority, which Obama kept entirely intact instead of erasing.
- 34:21Bush normalized torture and the idea that intervention is just what America does now without explanation.
- 34:38Private military contractors like Blackwater went from one in ten soldiers to ten times as many, operating outside the chain of command.
- 35:13Obama normalized high-tech drone warfare and extrajudicial kill lists run by the unelected CIA targeting people for unknown crimes.
- 35:57When people talk about the drone war now, they just say 'yeah, that's how we do business'—it's been normalized as acceptable.
- 36:37People in other countries remember Obama bombed seven countries, but American progressives forgot about this while focusing on cultural issues.
CIABarack ObamaBlackwaterdrone warfareGeorge W. BushGuantanamo Bay
- 2 min
An Al Jazeera interview clip has Duterte defending the roughly 3,500 killed in his drug war and arguing addicts inevitably become pushers, followed by Tim and Ray unpacking his logic.
5moments
- 37:05Tim introduces an interview segment with Rodrigo Duterte
- 37:35Duterte acknowledges three and a half thousand people killed in his drug war
- 38:08Duterte claims he inherited a country with three million drug users and says interdicting the problem was necessary to protect the next generation
- 38:38Duterte tells reporters he will kill anyone who destroys the country's young children, calling it a correct statement
- 39:10Duterte argues drug users spread throughout the country and must fund their habits, unless they're billionaires' sons
- 2 min
The Opium Wars, the House of Windsor, and Global Drug Conspiracies
#Tim draws a comparison to the British Opium Wars in China and speculates about the CIA and the British royal family being involved in pushing drugs into markets like the Philippines.
5moments
- 39:27Tim outlines the logic that drug users are necessarily part of the distribution system and damage to the country.
- 39:54He draws a parallel to the Opium Wars, where Britain pushed opium onto China rather than the other way around.
- 40:17Tim claims the U.S. government, CIA, and possibly the House of Windsor are all pushing drugs, particularly in the Philippine market.
- 40:29He notes the absurdity of the conversation trajectory from eating pastries in a moldy apartment to discussing the royal family's drug conspiracy.
- 40:48Fighting back against governments shoving drugs down people's throats, though Tim stops short of endorsing killing addicts as the solution.
CIAHouse of WindsorOpium Warsgolden triangle
- 2 min
Another Duterte news clip has him justifying police shootings of drug suspects by pointing to superior police firepower (M16s vs handguns), which Tim and Ray mock as childlike logic.
5moments
- 41:05Tim begins to unpack the structure of Duterte's argument about police killings.
- 41:17Tim notes something interesting Duterte says about the nature of when a cop shoots an innocent person.
- 41:57Duterte's core justification: police have M16s while gangsters only have pistols, so when shooting happens, the M16 does the talking.
- 42:23Tim mimics Duterte's response to the question about killed children: just the sound of an M16 firing.
- 42:43Tim observes that what's amazing about Duterte is his infantile, childlike logic.
- 4 min
Trumpism, Strongman Appeal, and Singapore's Law-and-Order Model
#Tim compares Duterte and Trump's populist, street-smart rhetorical appeal to authoritarian law-and-order successes like Singapore, and pivots into mocking performative activism like boycotting banks over the Dakota Pipeline.
11moments
- 42:48Trumpism's appeal lies in its perverse logic, even when you know it's insane.
- 43:18Singapore went from high crime and drug use in the early 90s to stability through aggressive law-and-order policies.
- 43:38The trade-off question: do you want to live in a police state to feel secure and free?
- 43:52Germans tend to like strong father-figure government because it suits their national psyche.
- 44:05Trump and similar strongmen sound different from establishment politicians—they appeal to base instincts and street smarts.
- 44:31A strongman's simplistic framing—police have big guns, gangsters have little guns—resonates with people desperate for an explanation.
- 45:15American government is openly corrupt and bought by corporations, which is why desperate people make desperate political choices.
- 45:32Twitter activists telling people to move money out of Chase and decolonize themselves lack understanding of how economic power actually works.
- 46:19Activists advocating switching to credit unions ignore that credit unions get their funds from the same large banks they're supposedly opposing.
- 46:51If you genuinely oppose Trump, actually pressure your congressman and senator instead of performative financial gestures.
- 47:05Long Island's corrupt politician exemplifies the ineffectiveness of individual banking choices against entrenched corporate power.
Chase BankDonald TrumpSingaporeJamie DimonDakota Access PipelineGermanyBarack ObamaJohn Kerry
- 4 min
Milo Yiannopoulos, Hate Speech, and Kids Are Too Soft Now
#Tim argues against boycotting Simon & Schuster over Milo's book deal, then launches into a rant that kids today are too sheltered, sexless, and unable to take a joke compared to when he was mercilessly bullied for being fat.
8moments
- 47:59Tim feels bad the SNL cast member got fired for her jokes, doesn't think anyone should lose their job over speech.
- 48:29Tim argues Yiannopoulos deserved a book deal because publishers give them to people who can actually sell copies, not based on moral virtue.
- 48:44You can't draw a line around everything offensive and call it hate speech—someone will call tweeting about an autistic kid hateful.
- 48:55Tim asks how you make fun of regular kids if you can't make fun of autistic kids, since disabled kids are exactly who gets bullied.
- 49:11Kids got made fun of for everything when Tim was young—being fat, blinking weird, whatever stood out.
- 49:28Tim hates to sound like an old guy, but young people now are genuinely soft and weird compared to his generation.
- 49:56Tim claims young people are sexless and boring, and if parents heard their kids' stories it would confirm all their worst fears.
- 50:08Tim spent New Year's Eve 1999 at a crack house where most people had AIDS, and he describes it as a great time with caring, fun people.
- 5 min
Crack Houses on New Year's Eve and the Blandness of Young People
#Tim nostalgically recounts spending New Year's Eve 1999 in a crack house among people with AIDS, contrasting it with today's calculated, careful, parent-friendly youth culture with no countercultural edge.
10moments
- 51:02Tim argues that 19-year-olds stand for nothing and exist in an amorphous world with no sense of history.
- 51:30He's never seen a generation closer with their parents, contrasting it with his own youth—stealing money and threatening arson.
- 52:19Young people have become cogs in viral noise and new media with no real culture, just pop culture everywhere.
- 52:39There's no illusion of being anti-establishment anymore because young people ARE the establishment.
- 53:08Tim describes a wealthy young friend's blandness and how everyone under a certain age is incredibly calculated and careful with what they say.
- 53:36He and his friends were wild and subversive as kids, always trying to piss somebody off.
- 54:00Tim got kicked out of high school and was constantly in the Dean's office for inappropriate jokes and smoking.
- 54:18A teacher would send him to her car to retrieve cigarettes so she wouldn't have to walk during break.
- 54:59He admits he might be out of touch with youth culture and may be quoting something wrong.
- 55:33Tim recalls a friend's mother who was a prostitute and invested her earnings—a type of person he questions if young people ever meet today.
- 6 min
Getting Kicked Out of School and the Prostitute Family Friend
#Tim recalls being constantly sent to the dean's office for inappropriate jokes and smoking, plus a story about a friend's mother who was a prostitute who invested her earnings wisely, lamenting no one meets people like that anymore.
10moments
- 55:59Tim argues society is shameful for people never befriending a prostitute.
- 56:34Explaining why he won't defend Trump: backing him means owning whatever he does next.
- 57:35Tim wonders if two guys in their thirties should be getting in the mix or fighting somewhere.
- 57:48He feels they're not even in the town where the game is being played.
- 58:19Tim's hypothetical: if all the women joined ISIS, people would finally pay attention to their cause.
- 58:57Suggesting Miley Cyrus with a rusty knife cutting off someone's head as real action people should witness.
- 59:18His core argument: if you want real results, you have to take real action.
- 1:00:09You don't need to formally join ISIS; you can start your own cell and be your own boss.
- 1:00:33Tim compares insurgent tactics to business strategy: you borrow what works and cherry-pick successful viral campaigns.
- 1:01:37Wondering if the show should have a lawyer on staff.
Donald TrumpRoe v. WadeAshley JuddMiley Cyrus
- 1 min
Joining ISIS and Needing a Lawyer
#A riff escalates into a satirical bit about joining ISIS as a form of political action, complete with fake franchise/marketing comparisons, before Tim jokes about needing a defense lawyer for the podcast.
2moments
- 1:01:57Tim imagines defending himself in court against terrorism charges, delivering a performative legal opening.
- 1:02:27Tim clarifies this is a comedy podcast and tells listeners not to actually join ISIS or commit violence.
- 2 min
Tim delivers a closing verdict on Duterte extending him an invitation to the show, then runs through tour dates, socials, and a joke about the next episode being live from a Pizza Hut buffet on Long Island.
4moments
- 1:02:50Duterte was raped by a priest, so Tim gives him a certain amount of leeway.
- 1:03:03Episode title: "We're No Friends of Anyone."
- 1:03:37Next episode will be recorded live from the Pizza Hut lunch buffet in Long Island.
- 1:03:58Ray almost mentions ISIS but stops himself to avoid legal trouble.