Episode 417 · The Studio Revamp
Trump's Cabinet | The Tim Dillon Show #417
Nov 16, 2024 · 1:13:01 · 813,000 views · 32 segments, 149 moments indexed
Tim talks about appreciating the moment, the random circus, Armie Hammer’s podcast with his mom, the presidential cabinet picks, RFK’s fat map, food influencers and why Gen Z is staying in.
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- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for The Wellness Company's medical emergency kits, tying it to RFK's promise to end FDA suppression of drugs like ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine, and pitches at-home prescription kits with antibiotics, epipens, and a medical guide.
2moments
- Trump's victory sets up RFK to lead the CDC, NIH, and FDA.
- The Wellness Company emergency kits let you buy prescriptions for 30+ illnesses from home without gatekeepers.
The Wellness CompanyFDARFK JrDonald Trump
- 2 min
Observing History From Palm Beach
#Tim explains he's been hanging out in Palm Beach just to observe this post-election moment in history, arguing people should find it fascinating regardless of whether they like it or fear it.
3moments
- Tim has been in Palm Beach for a few weeks to observe a moment in history he thinks people don't fully appreciate.
- He's there to observe, not to become part of what's happening — clarifying he's not joined the government despite rumors.
- Everyone's whining that America is ending, but shouldn't that at least be exciting to watch unfold?
- 2 min
Cabinet Oddities and a Tulsi Gabbard Non-Response
#Tim runs through early cabinet picks like Armie Hammer as 'Secretary of the Interior' as a joke, then gets serious that Tulsi Gabbard is now Director of National Intelligence, revealing she once messaged asking to be on his podcast and his team never told him.
4moments
- Tim argues that watching potential American decline unfold is at the very least interesting, even if he doesn't believe it's actually happening.
- Armie Hammer as Secretary of the Interior prompts Tim's uncertain reaction.
- Tim declines to question Tulsi Gabbard's appointment as Director of National Intelligence.
- Tim claims he has a couple of names for Gabbard but frames it as not saying they're doing the wrong thing, just suggesting people look into it.
- 4 min
Nobody Can Make You Famous
#Riffing off his failure to book Tulsi, Tim goes on an extended rant that no manager, guru, or algorithm expert can actually make anyone famous, comparing viral fame to breaking down prisoners at Guantanamo and citing the Costco guys as an example of random, un-plannable virality.
5moments
- Nobody can make you famous—anyone paying people to build your social media will just steal your money.
- People selling famousness are vultures picking bones; they don't understand the algorithm and claim to like priests claiming to speak for God.
- The only way to get famous is compulsive posting until you wear people down like Guantanamo torture—break them until they accept you as a messiah.
- People have to hate you before they can love you; the Costco guys are the perfect example of cringe working.
- Nobody understands why anything happens online—it's all random, so anyone claiming to be a seer or wise man selling fame advice is a con.
social media managementThe Tonight ShowGuantanamo BayTulsi Gabbard
- 1 min
Getting Scammed by Persian Jews in Beverly Hills
#Tim admits he personally got scammed out of money by 'Persian Jews in Beverly Hills' and says he doesn't resent it, using it to reinforce that nobody understands the algorithm or fame.
5moments
- Tim didn't hate getting scammed—he lost money fair and square and got beat by Persian Jews in Beverly Hills.
- Getting beaten by Persian Jews in Beverly Hills is the way it should be—it's a high-level scam in the top zip code.
- They said they knew the secret, Tim believed them, and that was it—nothing wrong with it, just know what's happening and limit who beats you.
- The golden rule right now: nobody knows anything, it's a completely random circus and there are no real experts.
- There's no expert that can teach you how to be the rizzler—you're either the rizzler or you're not.
Persian Jews in Beverly Hills
- 6 min
Armie Hammer's Podcast With His Evangelical Mother
#Tim plays and reacts to clips of Armie Hammer doing a podcast with his mother, covering the cannibalism kink allegations, his mother's horror at Hindu idols in his apartment, his lost career and money, and Tom Arnold's bizarre comments about the mother being attractive during a discussion of Armie's molestation as a child.
10moments
- Armie Hammer is doing a podcast now with his mother.
- Tim on Hammer's cannibal allegations: people claimed he was a cannibal, or at least had a kink for telling women he wanted to eat their organs.
- Once a guy reaches Hammer's level of attractiveness and wealth, regular sex stops being enough and he moves on to fetishes like organ consumption.
- The show takes a stand against cannibalism except for specific indigenous cultural practices, which fall outside their judgment.
- Hammer is trying to make a comeback with his mother on the podcast as a brand-building move, complete with sponsorship opportunities.
- Tim compares this Hammer-and-mother podcast clip favorably to The Sopranos, calling it already better than the greatest show ever made.
- Hammer's evangelical Christian mother appears on the podcast yelling at him for keeping Hindu gods in his apartment.
- Hammer's mother is upset he lives in a small apartment and worships Hindu deities after losing his career and money.
- Tim traces Hammer's trajectory: acted gay in films, was accused of cannibalism, lost his career and money, moved to a small apartment, and converted to Hinduism.
- Tim questions whether Hindu culture actually wants Armie Hammer as a convert, given his background.
Friend of the showArmie HammerThe SopranosGanesh
- 1 min
Should They Take Armie Hammer to the Malibu Hindu Temple
#A short riff wondering whether Hindus actually want Armie Hammer as a convert and joking about taking him to the Malibu Hindu temple.
2moments
- Tim says he doesn't know about Hindu services, unlike Christian, Jewish, and Muslim ones
- Hindus condemn cannibalism
- 4 min
Armie Hammer's Redemption Arc and Return to Acting
#Continuing the Armie Hammer bit, Tim predicts he'll be accepted back into Hollywood given the anti-cancel-culture climate, muses that actors invent scandalous personas because their inner lives are boring, and reacts to the podcast clip where Hammer reveals he was molested by a youth pastor as a child.
7moments
- Armie Hammer has a redemption arc available—he's more interesting now as a cannibal scandal guy than he was as a hot rich actor on red carpets.
- Hammer describes the moment he stepped onto set for his indie comeback and remembered why he loved acting in the first place.
- Tim roots for Hammer's return and doubts he's actually a real cannibal, theorizing that actors are dull husks who invent dark personas for stimulation.
- Hammer probably just said questionable things to women rather than committing serious crimes, and Tim argues that's his job—questionable speech.
- With cancel culture receding and the new administration, Tim predicts Armie Hammer will have an easier time making a comeback.
- The mother recalls saying Hammer was creepy and being told he's a man of God, while people around him dismissed her concerns.
- She describes Hammer sexually abusing her during a family trip to her parents' house with godly people and youth pastors present.
- 1 min
Tom Arnold Hitting on Armie Hammer's Mom
#Tim mocks Tom Arnold's comment calling Armie's mother 'cool and attractive' in the middle of a conversation about Armie's molestation, framing it as Tom trying to shoot his shot at an inappropriate moment.
3moments
- Tom Arnold calls Armie Hammer's mom cool and attractive while discussing his molestation by a youth pastor.
- Tim argues that after Trump's election everyone became 17 again, making it an appropriate time for Tom to hit on Armie Hammer's mom.
- Tim acknowledges Armie Hammer's mother did a great job regardless of her age and suggests moving on to cabinet appointments.
- 1 min
Tim runs down that RFK Jr. is now Secretary of Health and Human Services controlling the FDA and CDC, plus other cabinet picks like Marco Rubio as Secretary of State and Matt Gaetz as embattled Attorney General pick.
4moments
- Tim's main goal is getting RFK to put a warning label on Uncrustables because they're addictive.
- He praises Joker 2 for one good scene: endless Uncrustables, both grape and strawberry.
- RFK is now Secretary of Health and Human Services, with the FDA and CDC under his control.
- Matt Gates is nominated as attorney general despite allegations he hooked up with a 17-year-old and possibly human trafficked her.
- 2 min
Matt Gaetz and the 'Trafficking One Person' Defense
#Tim jokes about Matt Gaetz's alleged trafficking of a minor, absurdly arguing that trafficking one person by driving across state lines is 'easy to do' and comparing it to accidentally driving through Connecticut.
4moments
- Tim argues that trafficking one person isn't really an operation—it's something that happens easily by accident when driving between states.
- He compares accidentally trafficking a minor to crossing state lines without realizing it, like driving through Connecticut for soup.
- Tim notes the Biden DOJ didn't bring a case against Gaetz, and an Ethics panel investigation is coming, but neither is ideal.
- His position: the minor and the drugs aren't great, but crossing state lines happens constantly—that's all he's saying.
- 2 min
Tim covers Pete Hegseth as Trump's pick for Defense Secretary, noting his military service, Crusader tattoos, and the argument that since Trump is 'anti-war' it doesn't really matter who holds the position.
4moments
- Pete Hegseth's Fox and Friends role makes the defense department pick shocking to people
- Hegseth served in Iraq and Afghanistan, went to Harvard and Princeton, has Crusader tattoos and Knights of Malta connections
- The whole premise is supposedly anti-war, so the Defense Secretary choice doesn't matter as long as Trump doesn't go to war
- People worry about his Crusader crosses, but high-end military guys have that impulse to make everybody Christian anyway
- 2 min
Tim recounts Kristi Noem shooting her dog Cricket and a goat, then jokes that her willingness to protect her chickens from the dog qualifies her to run Homeland Security.
4moments
- Kristi Noem shot her 14-month-old hunting dog Cricket in the head after it attacked neighbor's chickens and nipped at her.
- She also shot a goat she didn't like at the same gravel pit, letting it suffer while she walked back to her truck to reload.
- Tim jokes about defending controversial figures: he's been defending Putin for two years with no money, and now needs payment to spin cabinet appointments positively.
- Tim argues Noem's dog-killing actually qualifies her for Homeland Security — she felt the puppy and goat threatened her homeland, protecting her neighbor's chickens like the agency protects the nation.
We wish them wellKristi NoemYellowstone
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for PrizePicks, describing the flex play feature, injury insurance, Venmo withdrawals, and a $50 bonus for a $5 lineup, then gives sample NFL player picks.
- 2 min
Tim reads an Omaha Steaks ad touting 50% off gourmet gift packages, a $30 reward card, and reminisces about growing up eating Omaha Steaks with his grandmother.
4moments
- Tim picks fantasy football props: Jamar Chase over 79.5 receiving yards, Patrick Mahomes over 1.5 passing touchdowns, Travis Kelce over 59.5 receiving yards, Saquon Barkley over 79.5 rushing yards.
- Omaha Steaks holiday sale: 50% off gourmet gifts sitewide, $30 reward card with early shopping, extra $30 off with code Tim.
- Tim recalls growing up on Omaha Steaks with his grandmother and vouches for the quality and ease of the product.
- Tim pitches Omaha Steaks as high-protein option now that RFK is in, mentioning various cuts like filet and ribeye.
Omaha SteaksPrize PicksJamar ChasePatrick MahomesSaquon BarkleyTravis Kelce
- 3 min
CIA Factions and John Ratcliffe
#Tim discusses John Ratcliffe as CIA pick, arguing the intelligence community has long-embedded anti-Trump factions from the Obama/Clinton era who may covertly work against the new administration, joking that people either become elite actors or CIA operatives.
10moments
- The CIA hates Trump and doesn't want presidents conducting their own foreign policy; they prefer to manipulate them instead.
- CIA agents never actually leave the agency—once a spook, always a spook, like the mafia.
- Tim finds the assassination attempt suspicious and jokes about using new slang because he's genuinely 19 years old.
- John Ratcliffe was declared the nation's top spy in May 2020, eight months before Trump left office.
- The CIA has tentacles into different industries; it's a well-established fact that the intelligence community is incredibly powerful.
- Different factions exist within intelligence agencies—some pro-Trump, some anti-Trump, some interventionist, some isolationist.
- The overwhelming majority of senior intel people dislike Trump and aren't rejoicing about his election; many are Obama and Clinton appointees.
- Trump's potential purge of disloyal intelligence officials raises the question of whether they'll actively work against his administration despite outward loyalty.
- These intelligence people are very good at skulduggery and treachery—it's what drives them.
- Your career path is essentially either becoming a high-level actor or joining the CIA.
CIADonald TrumpJohn BrennanFBIAllen Dullesintelligence agenciesNSAJames Clapper+2 more
- 1 min
Responding (Eventually) to Tulsi Gabbard
#Tim jokes about how he'll now have to grovel and craft an apologetic response to Tulsi Gabbard now that she's Director of National Intelligence.
2moments
- Tim didn't have Tulsi Gabbard on his podcast and says he'll probably pay for it now that she's been appointed Director of National Intelligence.
- His plan to respond: apologize and claim he just saw the news.
- 1 min
Tulsi Gabbard's 'Aloha' and Anti-War Appeal
#Tim reflects positively on Tulsi Gabbard using 'Aloha' in her message and appreciates that she isn't pro-war.
2moments
- Tulsi Gabbard's whole thing is Hawaii and the concept of Aloha, which she used in a message to Tim.
- Tim likes Gabbard because she's not into these wars.
AlohaHawaii
- 5 min
Tim covers Lee Zeldin's voting record against clean air/water bills as new EPA pick, then pivots into a broader argument that environmental protection burdens lower and middle class people disproportionately, and that RFK's approach of appealing to hunters and fishermen for clean rivers is a smarter sales pitch than moralizing.
9moments
- Lee Zeldin ran against Kathy Hochul and lost, but Tim's sure he's a good person.
- Zeldin voted against clean water legislation at least a dozen times and clean air legislation at least half a dozen times.
- You'd have to dig into what the Clean Air Act actually is before condemning someone for voting against it.
- Environmental policies like congestion pricing and gas price increases burden lower and middle-class people, not millionaires and billionaires.
- RFK pitched environmentalism to hunters and fishermen by asking if they wanted clean rivers and healthy animal populations instead of using divisive language like global warming.
- Tim explains why you can't protect the environment at the expense of people's immediate survival needs.
- Worrying about the environment is a luxury when you don't have food, clothes, or time to be a parent to your children.
- Everything in America has to be sold; you can't just tell people the environment matters without persuading them why it affects their lives.
- The modern Democratic Party functions like the Catholic Church, asking people to confess their environmental sins and seek absolution from leadership.
Lee ZeldinDemocratic PartyRFK JrKathy HochulLong Islandenvironmental protection
- 5 min
RFK's Coming War on Junk Food
#Tim goes on an extended riff imagining RFK Jr. banning McDonald's items, targeting the fattest U.S. states with a 'fat map,' and demanding fast food shut down late at night, reminiscing about Taco Bell runs with Ray.
9moments
- RFK is going to try to make people healthier, though Tim doubts it will work and thinks cleaning out health agencies will be harder than reforming the CIA.
- Tim argues Nestle is more powerful than the CIA and that food corporations are too deeply entrenched for RFK to effectively challenge.
- Tim calls for RFK to ban junk foods including the McGriddle, brown sugar oatmeal, and breakfast variety packs to force Americans toward healthier options.
- RFK's assessment of Trump's diet: KFC or Big Mac when lucky, everything else considered inedible—but taking the Big Mac away risks losing Trump's support.
- RFK should focus on school lunches and changing children's eating habits as the real leverage point for broader dietary reform.
- Tim imagines RFK touring America's fattest states—Louisiana, Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, Oklahoma, West Virginia, Iowa—to personally confront the obesity crisis.
- The mental image Tim wants: RFK taking food directly out of someone's hand in Alabama with the headline simply reading 'it's over.'
- Food is the one area where America genuinely needs fascism—aggressive government shutdown of harmful fast food and late-night availability.
- Tim and Ray drove through Taco Bell at 1:45 a.m. ordering Mexican pizza, supreme cheese pizza with tomato sauce, and Baja Chicken gorditas—a routine killed when chains closed early.
- 3 min
Killing Your Kids With Blackstone Griddles
#Tim rants about parents on social media cooking commercial-grade processed food for their obese children on Blackstone griddles, mocking the backlash comments they get online.
6moments
- Tim calls for government intervention to stop people from cooking processed food on Blackstone griddles at 2 AM.
- A whole genre of internet videos features people poisoning their own children by cooking Costco and BJ's processed food on commercial Blackstone griddles at home.
- People are buying commercial restaurant supply food and cooking it in their houses like they're short-order cooks, cracking 19 eggs and making 40 pancakes on the Blackstone.
- Obese children crawl out of a pit to eat the massive quantities of Blackstone-cooked processed food, while comments beg parents to feed them better food instead.
- Fat mothers respond to criticism by defending their right to feed their kids garbage, embodying the current internet dynamic.
- Tim pivots to British people documenting gas station food, mentioning someone stopping at Greggs for a corned beef pasty.
Jimmy DeanBJsCostcoGreggsBenihana
- 4 min
Corey's World and Getting Famous for Eating Gas Station Food
#Tim plays clips from British TikTok group Corey's World eating gas station junk food for fame, and riffs on how bizarre and destabilizing it is that people become famous for eating mundane food like mayonnaise or drinking gravy.
6moments
- Tim introduces Corey's World, a TikTok account where British guys eat gas station and grocery store food and monetize the content.
- Clip plays of the Corey's World crew describing their chippy tea and various British takeaway meals.
- Tim's point: these people are genuinely famous now for eating gas station food, which is more absurd than early reality TV fame like Survivor.
- Being famous for eating gas station sandwiches is destabilizing—imagine having to explain to people that's your entire identity.
- Tim contrasts this with travel influencers who dive into waterfalls; at least they're doing something interesting, not just choking down egg salad.
- The Corey's World guys have become so recognizable for their specific content that being seen eating gas station food is their defining characteristic.
- 3 min
Tim runs through more cabinet picks (Doug Burgum, Doug Collins, Susie Wiles, etc.) before landing on Linda McMahon as Transition co-chair and recounting the graphic Vince McMahon threesome/defecation lawsuit allegations from the Netflix documentary Mr. McMahon.
9moments
- Tim introduces Doug Burgum as Secretary of the Interior, dismissing him as a billionaire North Dakota guy who's boring.
- Linda McMahon will be transition official despite her husband Vince McMahon facing human trafficking accusations.
- Tim argues everyone is trafficking humans in some way, suggesting it as a legal defense for Diddy.
- The population has never been dumber and attention spans shorter, making it unclear what lawyers could get away with now.
- Vince McMahon documentary on Netflix came out the same day as Tim's show and buried it.
- According to court documents, Vince McMahon allegedly defecated on a man during a threesome in May 2020.
- The threesome continued for an hour and a half with Grant still covered in McMahon's feces.
- Tim muses that it's easy to defecate yourself and suggests not cleaning up afterward could be a sign of respect.
- The act continued for ninety minutes with Grant remaining covered in McMahon's feces throughout.
- 1 min
Once You Get a Rhythm Going
#A brief closing joke riffing on the previous McMahon story, suggesting once you're in a rhythm with something unpleasant you just keep going.
1moment
- Tim observes that once you get a rhythm going, things take on a momentum of their own.
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for Mint Mobile's $15/month premium wireless plan with a three-month intro offer.
1moment
- Tim reads a Mint Mobile ad comparing finding a good wireless deal to discovering a binge-worthy show worth sharing with friends
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for BlueChew, the online erectile dysfunction chewable service, joking about the 'chew it and do it' tagline and threatening to sue if anyone repurposes his line.
3moments
- Tim questions how many times they have to talk about BlueChew on the show.
- Tim delivers the tagline "blue chew it and do it you have a hard dick use it responsibly" with increasing absurdity.
- Tim warns that if BlueChew repurposes his ad copy, he will sue them.
- 2 min
Missing Lori Lightfoot and the Limo Scandal
#Tim says he misses seeing Lori Lightfoot in the news, recalls his old bit dissecting her limo company scandal where the company produced receipts proving she lied, and jokes she should get a job in the new administration.
4moments
- Tim wants Trump to put Lori Lightfoot back in government because he misses her.
- All politicians in power positions are criminals pursuing their own interests, Lori Lightfoot included.
- Tim breaks down the Lori Lightfoot limo scandal where she accused a company and they responded with receipts proving she lied.
- The limo company's rebuttal was unusual—companies typically apologize rather than publicly call out a customer as completely dishonest.
- 7 min
Gen Z Staying Home Instead of Partying
#Tim discusses a study on Gen Z preferring to stay home rather than go to bars, arguing this generation may be smarter for avoiding the debauchery-and-debt cycle of Millennials, while sharing his own stories of youthful partying, fake IDs, and addiction that he says worked out for very few people.
11moments
- Gen Z is the homebody generation, preferring to stay home rather than go out to bars and clubs.
- Tim explains Gen Z has watched their friends drink and party for years without becoming happier or more financially stable.
- Gen Z is asking: party now, then what? End up broke, single, and stuck in an unaffordable city in your 30s?
- Tim argues that thinking strategically about your life at a young age is not a bad thing, despite what publications like Bon Appétit claim.
- Kids sitting at home might actually be smarter than previous generations for skipping clubs and debt.
- Tim recounts his obsession with a dive bar near the Wood train station and the ritualistic fake ID rejection culture there.
- Bars are all the same whether you're watching people in their 30s sing Journey or watching hotter people dance to Drake.
- The media presents Gen Z staying home as a problem, but they're supposed to get drunk and saddle themselves with debt?
- Tim spent a decade drinking and using drugs and turned it into success, but warns that approach won't work for most people.
- Only a handful of people like Tim, some musicians, and James Frey have made it work; most should think strategically about their lives instead.
- Tim's final advice to Gen Z: think more strategically about your life rather than follow the party formula.
Gen ZJames FreyEmily in ParisBon Appétit
- 1 min
Tim reacts to a headline about influencers drowning in Brazil because they chose bikinis over life jackets, and jokes that he won't be jumping in Palm Beach's riptides to save anyone unless it's Linda McMahon.
2moments
- Influencers drowned in Brazil because they wanted to show off bikinis instead of wearing life jackets.
- He clarifies he won't run into the ocean to save anyone unless they're Linda McMahon.
- 1 min
Tim runs through upcoming tour dates in Ridgefield, Omaha, Orlando, and various Canadian cities, and plugs the Patreon's Palm Beach content.
4moments
- Tim lists upcoming tour dates including Ridgefield Playhouse in Connecticut, Levity Live in Oxnard, and venues in Omaha and Orlando.
- Canada swing announced with dates in Calgary, Edmonton, Vancouver, and Winnipeg coming soon.
- Tim mentions additional shows in Portland and Seattle, plus possible one-nighters in Vermont or Connecticut.
- Patreon and website promotion, with new content from Palm Beach recently uploaded.
Ridgefield PlayhouseLevity LiveCalgaryEdmontonPortlandSeattleVancouverWinnipeg
- 3 min
Embracing a Healthier, Weirder New Paradigm
#Tim closes with an optimistic riff that the country will be okay through election cycles, joking that a healthier America under RFK might hurt the economy, and riffing on Elon Musk-style ideas about humanity becoming robots and terraforming other planets.
4moments
- Tim outlines the post-election healing strategy: embrace a new paradigm where you'll be healthier, happier, and wealthier thanks to RFK Jr.
- Tim asks whether a healthier population is actually bad for the economy—if people stop poisoning themselves and each other, what's left to sustain the system?
- Musk and his associates might be right that humanity needs to become robots and terraform another planet, and Tim won't tolerate people limiting him with their fear of change.
- Tim regrets not having Tulsi Gabbard on the show and considers whether she would have worked out as a guest for the hour.
- 2 min
Naming Names of Anti-America Hollywood Executives
#Tim closes the show by joking that he'll be secretly reporting the names of entertainment executives he feels aren't 'on board with America' to the new government, framing it as a lighthearted threat before signing off.
5moments
- Tim describes his career as having hot and cold moments, noting that the actress in question is currently hot while not being hot back then.
- Tim announces he has names of entertainment executives he believes need to be watched because they're not on board with America.
- He clarifies he's not threatening anyone, but explains that executives he's met personally seem to be working against American interests.
- Tim's pitch to the new government: he'll keep executives' names private if they call him for a meeting to clarify their stance on America.
- He offers to erase names from his list if the executives convince him he's mistaken, framing it as everyone making mistakes.