Episode 408 · The Studio Revamp
Russian Influencers & Dying At Work | The Tim Dillon Show #408
Sep 7, 2024 · 1:08:03 · 685,000 views · 19 segments, 131 moments indexed
Tim talks about attending the US Open, cancelling kids, trying to get sponsored by Russia, the random circus, an Arizona woman dying in her cubicle, the ice cream question and why the jumbotron doesn’t matter anymore.
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- 2 min
Cold Open: Netflix Special Tease and Autumnal Background
#Tim opens the show teasing a mysterious Netflix special coming October 1st and jokes about needing a new fall background to replace the summer beach one.
2moments
- Tim announces a Netflix special coming out October 1st, describing it cryptically as a resurrection of a TV genre America deserves.
- The summer background is being retired soon and replaced with a fall autumnal one.
- 1 min
Target Pumpkins and Mortality at 39
#Tim riffs on how every seasonal sign, like pumpkin decorations at Target, reminds him of his own mortality as he approaches 40.
3moments
- Seasonal decorations become reminders of mortality after you reach a certain age—everything signifies death.
- Seeing pumpkins put out at Target triggers existential panic: "I'M GOING TO DIE. HAVE I DONE ENOUGH?"
- Tim turns 40 in January and now views everything as a signifier of his own mortality.
- 3 min
The Democratized, Loud, Caviar-Nugget US Open
#Tim recounts childhood memories of quiet, civilized US Open tennis with his grandfather versus today's loud crowds eating $100 caviar-dunked chicken nuggets, and mocks people obsessing over player rankings like Yannick Sinner.
6moments
- Tim decided he had to attend the US Open to feel like he'd lived.
- His grandfather used to take him to the US Open as a kid, where he once handed Martina Navratilova a towel.
- Tim's parents put him in a tennis clinic as a young child, hoping he'd become a tennis player.
- The US Open used to be completely silent, but now it's loud and democratized.
- Even in expensive courtside seats, people behind Tim were talking drunk and eating chicken nuggets with caviar on them.
- Tim tried the caviar nuggets and found them too salty—both the chicken and the caviar are overly salty.
US OpenMartina NavratilovaPete SamprasMonica SelesLong Island
- 3 min
Nobody Famous Anymore: Jumbotron Awkwardness
#He describes spotting Anna Wintour and Katie Couric at the Open, and riffs on how no one on the Jumbotron gets recognized anymore because society has stopped caring who's famous.
7moments
- Tim bumped into someone at the US Open who was upset he didn't know who Yannick Sinner, the top-ranked tennis player, was.
- People who are really into tennis are weird, and Tim doesn't understand the devotion to the sport.
- Tim finds it disturbing that people are upset he doesn't know the rankings of tennis players.
- The US Open is just a fun thing to do for the weather and the caviar, and to look at Anna Wintour.
- The Jumbotron now shows people, but no one knows who anyone is anymore except for maybe Kevin Hart or Jason Sudeikis.
- When nobodies get put on the Jumbotron, no one cheers—there's just an awkward rustling sound.
- Tim mimics the uncomfortable reaction of someone on the Jumbotron realizing no one recognizes them.
Katie CouricAnna WintourYannick SinnerJason SudeikisKevin Hart
- 3 min
Tim reacts to news that Russian operatives allegedly funneled $10 million to right-wing media stars via Tenet Media, joking that he's been defending Russia for free while getting nothing.
6moments
- The awards circuit is a predictable New York media circus where you already know who'll get applause.
- Tim's been defending Russia for free for 18 months while everyone else gets paid to talk about it.
- He clarifies he looks at the Ukraine conflict in a nuanced way, noting that U.S. talk of NATO admission played a role in provoking Russia.
- The depressing reality: people are getting stuffed with Russian money and he can't even get a taste.
- Tim marvels at how cheap you can apparently buy off the right-wing for $10 million.
- He questions what anyone would even do with $10 million right now and what the risk-reward calculation looks like.
Tenet MediaRussiaNATOBethenny FrankelUkraineJason SudeikisKevin Hart
- 2 min
Tana Mongeau, Brooke Schofield, and the China Theory
#He jokes with zero evidence that China is paying Tana Mongeau to bring back canceled podcast partner Brooke Schofield after her N-word controversy.
3moments
- Tim explains how all countries, including the US, play games with media and influence the internet to create chaos.
- Tim alleges with no evidence that China paid Tana Mongeau to bring Brooke Schofield back on her podcast after she dropped the N-word.
- Tim agrees with YouTubers getting canceled for being racist at age 13, setting up his reasoning.
Tana MongeauBrooke SchofieldChina
- 4 min
You Have to Earn Your Racism
#Tim argues kids getting canceled for racism at a young age is legitimately bad because racism/bigotry should be 'earned' through life experience as an adult, using his own hatred of the Irish as an example.
7moments
- Tim argues you're supposed to be racist as an adult after meeting people and learning patterns, not as a child.
- Racist kids should be canceled, but racist adults should be left alone because they've earned their beliefs through experience.
- Tim explains his own racism against Irish people, saying he loathes them after visiting Ireland and finding the culture backwards.
- Hating after experiencing life is normal and unavoidable, but hating instinctually as a child is actually bad.
- You have to earn your racism, homophobia, and misogyny through real-world experience, not inherit them from parroting others.
- Example: your best friend comes out as gay, you don't hate them, but seeing excessive pride parades gives you earned grounds to criticize.
- Tim pivots to claiming China orchestrated and leaked Brooke Monk tweets to Tana Mongeau, or possibly Russia did it.
Yes or yesIrelandTana Mongeau
- 2 min
He reads more of the federal indictment about RT employees using fake personas to fund Tenet Media, and reacts to Tim Pool's claim that the hosts were unknowing victims, while begging any oligarch to fund his own show.
6moments
- Tim says he's defending Russia for free, can't get a dollar out of it.
- Federal indictment unseals charges against two RT employees operating fake personas and shell companies.
- Tim analyzes Russian influence operations and argues they don't actually work the way Russia thinks they do.
- Nobody asked Americans about the Ukraine war, and public opinion doesn't really determine policy on most issues.
- Tim Pool claims he and other commentators were deceived and are victims if the allegations prove true.
- Tim asks if there's an oligarch who will give him money.
Tenet MediaRTTim PoolRussia
- 5 min
Public Opinion Is Malleable, Fame Means Nothing Now
#Tim argues that influence campaigns barely matter because American policy isn't driven by public opinion, and that fame itself has become meaningless since people like the Kardashians and Jake Paul have no real fans left.
8moments
- Public opinion is incredibly malleable, and it's become more sophisticated because of the internet.
- Fame doesn't matter anymore because no one cares or trusts that anyone's famous for any real reason.
- Americans have developed street smarts from being propagandized and lied to so much, like an abused child developing instincts for danger.
- The Kardashians are so famous they're no longer loved—they've become a fixture, like a church people drive by.
- Jake and Logan Paul are so famous that no one loves them anymore and people have stopped hating them too.
- People just relent to these famous figures after being beaten down endlessly—you can't articulate why they're famous even with a gun to your head.
- Occasionally someone like Shane Gillis emerges as a generational talent where you actually understand why they're famous.
- Nobody knows why some people are the most famous people in the world; you'd have no reason to give even under extreme duress.
- 6 min
Hawk Tuah Girl and the Circus of Fame
#Using Hawk Tuah Girl and Bethany's viral chicken salad video as examples, Tim explains that internet fame is pure chaos and randomness that cannot be planned, comparing modern content to a traveling circus.
11moments
- Tim argues that fame has lost all meaning in modern culture.
- Bethany went viral for a chicken salad video, and people scream it at her at the US Open.
- Tim wonders what Russia thinks it's buying by investing in American internet culture, calling it a schizophrenic cult.
- Americans don't care about geopolitical influence campaigns; they just want French toast in different formats.
- No one made the Kardashians famous and no one thinks they can stop the Ukraine war—people feel powerless.
- Rich people barely know what's going on; most have no idea despite their wealth.
- Rich kids of generational wealth want to be comedians and traveling lounge acts instead of managing their fortunes.
- Tim describes a diseased society where the wealthiest want to join the circus rather than inherit their family's power.
- Hawk Tuah Girl fascinates Tim as an example of how fame works—unplanned, unpredictable, like a casino.
- The fatal flaw in the system is people thinking they can plan to become the next viral sensation, but it's pure circus.
- Fame and success are not things you plan; you don't go to Vegas expecting to win, you go hoping to have a good time.
- 3 min
Definition of a Circus, and Why Nobody Can Predict Virality
#He reads the dictionary definition of 'circus' to argue that's literally what modern influencer culture is, comparing it to old TV shows people used to reliably like versus today's unpredictable content landscape.
8moments
- Tim defines a circus as traveling entertainers in a tent that sets up in different places, comparing it to how content appears on different platforms.
- You cannot plan to become viral like the Hawk Tuah girl because the whole purpose is random and chaotic.
- Nobody in LA knows what people will like anymore, unlike the old TV era when you could predict audiences based on show formulas.
- If people liked Beverly Hills 90210, you could reasonably guess they'd like Melrose Place, or if they liked Hill Street Blues they'd like NYPD Blue.
- Now no one knows why things work and why they don't—there's no clear-cut answer to why one person goes viral and another doesn't.
- Hot Tub Grans is a charming woman, but you cannot plan to become her by just walking out of a bar and saying something random.
- The people on Tim's show are taking their shot, rolling the dice, because what's the point of being at the circus if you don't go up and do a flip?
- Tim blesses Russia and anyone spending money trying to get a result in the current climate.
Hawk Tuah girlHot Tub GransMelrose PlaceJennie GarthLuke PerryShannon DohertyHill Street BluesNYPD Blue
- 2 min
Tim reads a sponsored ad for Morgan & Morgan personal injury law firm, joking that he wishes his car would crash so he could use their services.
2moments
- Tim expresses frustration that his car rides don't end in crashes so he can hire Morgan & Morgan.
- Every safe arrival at a destination fills him with regret about missing the chance to work with their thousand lawyers.
- 4 min
Tim reacts to a news story about a Wells Fargo employee in Tempe, Arizona whose body sat undiscovered at her cubicle for four days, riffing on office culture and speculating darkly about why no one noticed.
8moments
- Tim frames a dead employee rotting at her desk for four days as a beautiful story about people being happiest at work.
- The casual horror of parking your car and checking out at a Wells Fargo in Tempe, Arizona, while your body rots for four days.
- Tim marvels at employees being told not to speak about the body out of fear of retaliation from the bank.
- Weekend at Bernie's theory: maybe co-workers were having fun with the corpse, photocopying her ass for entertainment.
- If no one goes near your desk for four days, you must have been a complete asshole at work or so awkward everyone avoided you.
- The woman was clearly not essential to Wells Fargo's Tempe branch, given that nobody checked on her for four days.
- An anonymous employee frustrated that Wells Fargo never formally addressed the death to the entire building.
- Tim volunteers to play both the Wells Fargo counselor and the grieving employee in a sketch about the incident.
Wells FargoAmerican workplaceTempe Arizona
- 3 min
Wells Fargo Counselor Bit
#Tim performs both sides of a fake phone call between a Wells Fargo grief counselor and a frightened employee, escalating into threats to protect the company's image.
5moments
- Tim plays a Wells Fargo counselor taking a call from an employee grieving a coworker's death.
- Employee describes feeling like their life has no meaning, just doing Wells Fargo stuff while the company steals people's money.
- Counselor instructs the employee not to talk to anyone else about this, especially the news.
- Counselor warns that Wells Fargo will crush the employee like a bug and kill their children if they go to the news.
- Tim's character escalates to direct threats, saying he'll kill the employee if they talk to the news, then breaks character claiming he's kidding.
- 7 min
Tim breaks down video of Tim Walz avoiding a reporter's question about six hostages found dead in Gaza to go eat ice cream, arguing Walz is a scripted, controlled political puppet who can't answer basic questions without permission from donors.
12moments
- Tim Walz ignores dead hostage question to eat ice cream at the state fair.
- Walz's brother says he's a pathological liar who didn't serve in the war and hasn't spoken to him for 8 years.
- Tim admits the last thing he'd want to do while eating ice cream is talk about hostages.
- Walz can't simply say it's terrible—he needs talking points from his handlers about the dead hostages.
- This is the simplest question ever asked of a politician, and Walz cannot answer it because he doesn't know what the DNC wants him to say.
- The goal isn't to end these wars—ending conflicts is not part of the agenda.
- Netanyahu doesn't want the war to end because he's avoiding corruption charges and investigations into October 7th intelligence failures.
- Walz, unlike a sharp politician like Josh Shapiro, is cast as a folksy next-door guy but still receives billionaire directives.
- Vote for whoever you want—the point is Walz is the same thing everyone's always had, receiving edicts from billionaires.
- Tim is fascinated by political theater and how politicians are branded as simple American dads while taking orders from their wealthy backers.
- Trump doesn't seem super controlled, but both candidates have backers with interests they won't openly go against.
- Tim mocks Walz for appearing to look for billionaires to tell him what to think about dead kids.
Tim WalzBenjamin NetanyahuDemocratic National CommitteeJosh Shapiro
- 1 min
Tim reads a sponsored ad for Helix mattresses, praising the hybrid coil-and-foam design and their online sleep quiz.
4moments
- Tim recommends Helix Midnight Deluxe mattresses as the best in the business, eliminating the pain of mattress shopping.
- Helix's quiz determines the perfect mattress by asking easy questions about your sleep priorities.
- Hybrid design combines individually wrapped steel coils with premium foam layers for comfort and support.
- Tim claims it's his favorite thing he owns and the best he's ever slept on, delivered free to your door in a box.
- 2 min
Tim reads a sponsored ad for the PrizePicks daily fantasy sports app, running through NFL player prop examples and the sign-up bonus code.
4moments
- PrizePicks ad begins: America's number one daily fantasy sports app with over 5 million active members.
- Tim highlights the Caleb Williams passing yards offer: only one yard gets you an automatic win every football week in September.
- PrizePicks injury assistance policy keeps your lineup alive even if players leave in the first half.
- Tim claims he loves PrizePicks, uses it all the time, and wins.
Prize PicksCaleb WilliamsCeeDee LambDak PrescottJosh AllenTyreek Hill
- 15 min
Boycotting the Middle East Conflict for the Fall
#Tim declares he's done discussing the Israel-Gaza war and hostage killings for the entire fall season, arguing that endless outrage and activism accomplish nothing, and that people should return to selfish, self-obsessed 'fall behavior' like apple picking and dinner parties instead.
28moments
- Tim complains that the Israel-Gaza conflict is ruining fall, the best season of the year.
- He refuses to hear about beheadings while eating apple pie and having Earl Grey tea during the holidays.
- Tim insists the only way to beat warmongers is to ignore them and turn off the news.
- Explaining the Middle East war is the same as explaining why the Kardashians fight—pointless and exhausting.
- If anyone brings up Israel-Gaza to him, Tim will just talk about Chappell Roan and the Pink Pony Club instead.
- He mocks the endless recycled talking points about borders, the Balfour Declaration, and the 1967 war—everyone should shut up.
- Unless Bibi Netanyahu's son Yair sends him cash to Miami, Tim will not talk about the conflict anymore.
- He claims he could talk about Kamala Harris for hours, and has done 19 episodes on the Middle East, yet nothing is fixed.
- The world is designed to drive you insane; people either go mad or detach completely like his father does.
- When you spend time in nature with trees and seasons, you understand time and space; then you step back into the media funhouse.
- Climate doomers claim Miami will be underwater in four years and everyone will burn alive, yet they seem gleeful about it.
- His aunt told his dying grandmother that the real concern was the fight over her estate, not her health.
- People who show up with pre-packaged talking points in their heads are crazy; they assault you with half-baked opinions.
- Tim makes money entertaining people with opinions; he barely talks and people visit acting surprised he's chill.
- His father demonstrates the ultimate detachment strategy—he'll only discuss his dog Fred or the weather, never current events.
- Over the next 60 days, people Tim knows will lose their minds and need him to ignore them the way he ignores Gaza.
- He will only engage with Israel and Gaza when they start acting civilized: having dinner parties and visiting cider mills.
- Gaza war influencers are on day 302 posting only conflict content; they should diversify and show how to make falafel.
- Throwing red paint on Starbucks and activism don't do anything; Bibi Netanyahu doesn't care if college kids vandalize.
- The only moral move is to completely divest emotionally unless you're willing to actually join the IDF or Hamas.
- What's needed is fall behavior: picking pumpkins, dinner parties, and acting like the self-obsessed country America actually is.
- Americans should embrace their reputation for selfishness and narcissism—people want to be them, not helped by their fake activism.
- People only want clean water because they want to be Jennifer Aniston, not for any genuine humanitarian reason.
- Tim hears too many people unconvincingly talking about others instead of returning to the cave of self.
- America is loved for World War II heroics, not for current activism; people should focus on themselves instead of causes.
- He invokes a woman named Denise Prudhomme who died at Wells Fargo for American sins, comparing her sacrifice to Jesus.
- Even Russia says they can't give away anybody, but God goes 'we're in [ __ ] knots' about the predicament.
- The segment ends with a final reference to God's exasperation with the chaos and complexity of the situation.
Chappell RoanKamala HarrisBenjamin NetanyahuJennifer AnistonMeghan MarkleJericho Cider MillPlanting Fields ArboretumSunken Meadow Park+2 more
- 1 min
Closing Prayer for Denise Prudhomme
#Tim closes the episode with a mock-religious tribute to the Wells Fargo employee who died at her desk, treating her as a martyr figure.
1moment
- Tim ends the segment with a closing prayer for Denise Prudhomme