Episode 419 · The Studio Revamp
Post-Thanksgiving Extravaganza | The Tim Dillon Show #419
Nov 30, 2024 · 1:14:28 · 663,000 views · 21 segments, 124 moments indexed
Tim talks about his Thanksgiving, Frederick Douglas, Tostitos Scoops, withholding judgment on a grandmother, the Ice Cream Museum’s lawsuit, homeless court, Gen Z losing itself online and Baby Shark’s latest use case.
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- 2 min
Post-Thanksgiving Cold Open: Families Having Orgies Instead of Dinner
#Tim opens by claiming most families are skipping Thanksgiving dinner in favor of incestuous orgies, riffing on a friend's supposed 'holiday tradition.'
4moments
- Post-Thanksgiving cold open greeting
- Tim claims most families are having sex with each other instead of Thanksgiving dinner
- Families meeting up for orgies in the living room rather than eating sweet potatoes
- Tim identifies the arrangement as incest and pedophilia
- 4 min
Dad's Wife Named Her Dogs After Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Maya Angelou, and a Slave
#Tim recounts his father's liberal wife naming her dogs Freddie, Maya, and Ruth after Frederick Douglass, Maya Angelou, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and mocks the absurdity of it, roping in his substitute producer to confirm Douglass was an escaped slave.
6moments
- Tim's friend claims his family's holiday tradition is having sex with each other, including incest, and says "don't judge our holiday tradition."
- Tim left his own Thanksgiving after family members insulted the show's listeners.
- Tim says he handles political disagreement like an adult and doesn't think Trump will destroy the country, but if he does he'll move to Tuscany.
- Tim's father and his wife are very liberal and have named their dogs after Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Maya Angelou, and Frederick Douglass the escaped slave.
- Tim compares his father's liberal extremism to a disease, equating it with forcing everyone to wear burkas or klan robes at Thanksgiving.
- Tim questions whether Frederick Douglass was actually an escaped slave and tries to verify the details on Wikipedia during the show.
Donald TrumpTuscanypolitical extremismFrederick DouglassMaya AngelouRuth Bader Ginsburg
- 3 min
Boomers Only Care About Their Dogs Now
#Tim argues Boomers ignored their kids growing up but now obsess over their dogs as they near death, contrasting generational attitudes toward mortality.
6moments
- Boomers could not be bothered with their children, but all they care about now is dogs.
- As boomers near the grave, they've realized they should care for something besides themselves—and it is a dog.
- Tim notes boomers are taking their own mortality in stride compared to terrified millennials and nihilistic zoomers.
- Boomers came, saw, conquered, destroyed the planet—and now they're ready to leave, but first they want to love one thing outside themselves: dogs.
- Every older boomer has gotten a new dog and keeps calling their child to tell them how amazing and life-changing it is.
- Boomers are more concerned when their dog starts choking than they were when their kid was hit by a car.
- 2 min
Fake Cooking: Pepperidge Farm Stuffing and the Tostitos Scoops Birthday
#Tim rants about his stepmother claiming to cook while just reheating store-bought food, recalling a birthday where she served him Tostitos Scoops and cold chicken cutlets.
5moments
- Tim complains about his relatives bringing three small dogs that defecate in his house during visits.
- His family comes over Wednesday afternoon before Thanksgiving claiming to cook, but merely heats up pre-made grocery store food.
- Tim describes his family's tradition of actual cooking—his grandmother spent hours making homemade stuffing from scratch.
- He condemns people who claim to be cooking while just heating up store-bought food as disrespectful and wrong.
- Calling it out: claiming you're cooking when you're reheating groceries makes you a psychopath, like claiming you went for a run when you didn't.
- 7 min
Thanksgiving Blowup Over the Election and Being Insulted at the Table
#Tim describes the liberal in-laws grilling him about his podcast's listener demographics and college education, treating it as a proxy war over the election, and defends his right to not tolerate being insulted in his own family gatherings.
13moments
- Tim compares his father talking to the family dog to someone discussing running routes—the dog gets encouragement while he gets questioned about his life.
- The dog has been given names like Maya Angelou and Ruth Bader Ginsburg as part of what Tim calls the 'K9 Underground Railroad' running through the backyard.
- Tim argues that nobody actually wants house guests past age 40, and people inviting you over for dinner don't mean it—they want you to leave after, not stay over.
- His father is outside with his wife, who keeps complaining about cooking all day, having bought pre-made turkey and Pepperidge Farm stuffing from the market.
- Tim insists Pepperidge Farm stuffing is the food of trailer parks, and people eating it yesterday with diverse company ate better than this.
- The girlfriend's mother once served Tim Tostitos Scoops with loose beef for his birthday as a way to spit on him or show she hates him.
- On another visit with Ray Comp, she served Tostitos Scoops again; subsequent visits revealed cold ham sandwiches and cubed cold chicken cutlets from the refrigerator.
- Tim refuses to lie about his abilities—he doesn't claim to be good at jiu-jitsu because he isn't, and he won't accept others lying and propping up untruths.
- Tim won't be insulted in his own home, won't have his audience or friends insulted, and tells the girlfriend's parents he's not responsible for their election unhappiness.
- The girlfriend's daughter, an environmental lawyer, silently judges when someone mentions RFK, creating a hostile energy in Tim's house.
- Tim notes the girlfriend is ironically allied with RFK through the inedible food she made—describing it as the healthiest Thanksgiving he's ever had.
- Tim refuses to eat the cold, inedible food served at the table, saying life is too short to force himself through bad meals.
- At 39 years old, Tim has reached the point where he won't suffer through unpleasant situations just to be polite to family.
Yes or yesMartin LawrenceRFK Jr
- 3 min
Democrats' Smug Superiority and Losing the Election
#Tim expands into a broader rant about Democrats' sense of educational and moral superiority, mocking elite credentialism, fake queer identities in media, and their refusal to accept why they lost the election.
7moments
- The left doesn't understand why they lost—it's because all they have left is smug superiority.
- People would rather give up their rights and walk into the fire than spend five minutes with you because you're so smug and superior.
- Their smugness is based on nothing but having a four-year college degree and working at a Fortune 500 firm.
- Tim on people discovering they're queer five minutes ago and now acting like they understand the entire struggle.
- If you can't make it through dinner without misbehaving like a dog, you have to eat outside.
- Tim warns that miserable people will fill your life with misery if you let them sit at your table.
- The pattern of people ruining gatherings by going off on politics will not be new.
- 6 min
Storming Out of Thanksgiving and Grabbing the Pies on the Way Out
#Tim finishes the story of leaving his family's Thanksgiving after the in-laws kept pressing him about his audience's education level, describing swiping two pies and fleeing to his cousin's house instead.
8moments
- Tim complains about sitting at Thanksgiving with cold food that had been out since 10:30 a.m., heated but not properly warmed.
- His family's dogs are named after historical Black figures, which Tim describes as a disease that liberals have.
- Relatives grill him about his podcast demographics and whether his listeners are college-educated.
- Tim argues that Democrats' viability depends on purging their current base, and that the only thing holding them together is college degree status.
- Tim states the smartest people he's known have mixed educational backgrounds, and he himself is not college-educated.
- Democrats claim everyone with college degrees voted for them while dismissing non-college-educated people as idiots, then condescend to explain gender and geopolitics to them.
- Rather than engage with the political argument, Tim texts his cousin to get ready and excuses himself upstairs.
- He and his cousin end up having Thanksgiving at another cousin's house with his mother instead.
DemocratsBobby KennedyJericho Cider MillFrederick DouglassMaya Angelou
- 5 min
Tim reacts to a news clip about a Memphis grandmother arrested for stabbing her granddaughter and grandson during a Thanksgiving argument, joking he wants to hear her side of the story.
6moments
- Tim argues that insulting your host is unacceptable and guests should keep their political views to themselves at someone else's home.
- Tim spent years believing good people had to tolerate bad behavior from anyone they knew, but now rejects that idea.
- Memphis grandmother arrested for stabbing family members during Thanksgiving argument after becoming heavily intoxicated.
- Tim insists America must accept and love all manifestations of Thanksgiving, including violent ones, and cannot demand that everyone be happy.
- Tim withholds judgment on the grandmother because he doesn't know what the family said to provoke her into grabbing the knife.
- You don't just pick up a knife on Thanksgiving unless you're driven to that point—Tim suggests the grandmother was pushed to an extreme.
- 5 min
Tim riffs on the phrase 'holding space' and America's trauma culture before pivoting to a lawsuit against the Museum of Ice Cream over an adult injured jumping into its sprinkle pool.
7moments
- Tim argues people are pushed and need to create space in their lives, introducing the concept of "holding space."
- People in America actively want trauma and indulge in it, rolling around in it like pigs while industries profit off extracting and re-dosing it.
- The Museum of Ice Cream in Soho is being sued after a father injured himself jumping into the sprinkle pool.
- New York City has transformed from cultural epicenter to a landscape of escape rooms, hatchet-throwing installations, and Broadway tourism.
- Tim describes his experience at the Museum of Ice Cream with his agent, noting that people don't care about the experience—they just want ice cream.
- The Ben and Jerry's tour model: nobody cares about the narrative; they skip straight to the boutique and want the product.
- Tim questions whether pedophiles design every public art installation in the city, suggesting the sprinkle pool designer should be shot into a jail cell.
Fatty boom battyMuseum of Ice CreamNew YorkRaising CanesChase BankBen and Jerry'sSoho
- 5 min
Tim mocks the specifics of the Museum of Ice Cream lawsuit, imagining the father staging his own injury for a settlement, and mocks adults doing cannonballs into a plastic sprinkle pit.
10moments
- Museum of Soho visitor sued after ankle fracture jumping into the sprinkle pool with his daughter.
- Tim points out the sprinkle pool is only ankle-to-mid-shin deep, made of hollow plastic—testing the depth first seems obvious.
- Videos submitted with the lawsuit show other adults injuring themselves doing cannonballs and falling in the sprinkle pool.
- Tim watches footage of a grown woman doing a cannonball onto a floor with plastic sprinkles and calls it the stupidest thing he's seen.
- Society is in decline if we need regulated sprinkle pools because adults can't figure out not to jump into shallow plastic.
- Tim theorizes the plaintiff saw people get injured, knew he needed money, and deliberately planned to sue by jumping in the pool.
- Tim imagines the man pitching his broke wife: he'll jump in the sprinkle pool, sprain himself, get bad press, and settle for four or five hundred thousand.
- The complaint cites insufficient warnings about sprinkle pool dangers while people are dying in wars and getting kidnapped from festivals.
- Tim says if you sue a museum over a sprinkle pool injury, you can never tell that story in mixed company again no matter how much money you get.
- This is the most undignified thing Tim has seen in seven years of doing the show—a grown man injured in the sprinkle pool.
Museum of Ice Creamsprinkle pool
- 2 min
New York Has Become a City of Hatchet-Throwing Tourist Traps
#Tim laments what New York City has become, citing sprinkle pools, escape rooms, and hatchet-throwing bars as evidence the city lost its cultural edge.
3moments
- Tim hopes Trump bans viral marketing stunts like hatchet throwing, escape rooms, and social experiments, replacing them with hookers and gambling.
- He's uncomfortable with New York becoming a mall full of banal mediocrity instead of what the city was actually intended to be.
- The Sprinkle pool has people diving into it despite not knowing they shouldn't, exemplifying the city's degradation.
- 1 min
Tim reads a Helix Sleep ad, plugging the Midnight Deluxe mattress and the November sale with free pillows and bedding.
3moments
- Tim pitches Helix's November sale: 25% off sitewide, free pillows and bedding bundle with mattress purchases.
- The Midnight Deluxe is Tim's personal choice and he says it's amazing.
- Tim says he's never been as sure of anything in his life as he is about Helix, then provides the promo code.
- 2 min
Tim promotes Aura digital photo frames as an easy tech gift, describing how photos load automatically and pairs with app uploads, with a Black Friday discount code.
4moments
- Tim explains digital picture frames to non-tech-savvy people: yes it's tech, but easy.
- The moment you realize a digital frame shows multiple photos—you think you're having a stroke but you're not.
- You can upload photos from your phone with one click and it pairs similar photos together automatically.
- Aura frames offer $45 off using promo code Tim at Black Friday Cyber Monday pricing.
- 4 min
Something's Off About This Year's Thanksgiving Day Parade
#Tim describes feeling unsettled watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this year, calling the balloons creepy, the mood joyless like a Soviet military parade, and everything overloaded with brand sponcon.
6moments
- Tim notes the Thanksgiving Day Parade felt off this year, something dark about it that he can't quite place.
- The parade balloons look scary now—unnerving creatures that don't feel right compared to years past.
- Tim compares the parade's aesthetic to the creepy opening of a Batman film, questioning if the rain alone explains the disturbing tone.
- The parade lacked warmth and wholesomeness this year, replaced by something disconcerting Tim can't ignore.
- No one investigates the parade anymore—it feels like a Soviet-era military parade in Moscow, with conscripted participants who don't look happy.
- Tim has watched the parade every year since childhood and felt genuinely weird about it this year, unable to shake the feeling something was off.
Thanksgiving Day ParadeDisneyGreen GiantSpongeBob
- 6 min
Tim reacts to a news story about Orlando's proposed 'homeless court' that waives sentences for those pursuing housing and treatment, enthusiastically proposing it be televised and built out of found materials like a makeshift Judge Judy show.
10moments
- Florida's new homeless court program exchanges reduced sentences for defendants who pursue housing and employment measures.
- Tim pitches homeless court as potentially the best news show on television.
- He envisions homeless court also settling disputes between homeless people fighting over shared resources.
- Tim proposes building the homeless court on the street out of tires, chicken wire, and ironing boards rather than in a formal courtroom.
- Every episode of homeless court should be televised because it's a genuine hit concept.
- He describes the setup: homeless people hash out problems in front of a judge with public defenders, while rules prohibit biting and drinking in court.
- San Diego's first homeless court handled nearly 11,000 cases in three years but only 16 resulted in guilty pleas.
- Tim jokes about the judge dismissing cases where defendants deny accusations like lighting someone's tent on fire or stealing drugs at knifepoint.
- The sprinkle pool guy should have to appear in homeless court and explain how he injured himself.
- He imagines the absurd contrast between two homeless guys debating who bit whom first while a sprinkle pool injury case gets a recess.
- 2 min
Tim reads back-to-back ads for PrizePicks sports betting app and Hims hair loss treatments, touting bonuses and clinically proven ingredients.
2moments
- PrizePicks ad: win up to 100 times your money with flex play allowing payouts even if one pick doesn't hit
- Hims Hair Loss ad: Tim mentions his friend John Kennedy experiencing hair loss and needing confidence restored
- 2 min
Tim reads back-to-back ads for PrizePicks sports betting app and Hims hair loss treatments, touting bonuses and clinically proven ingredients.
2moments
- PrizePicks ad: win up to 100 times your money with flex play allowing payouts even if one pick doesn't hit
- Hims Hair Loss ad: Tim mentions his friend John Kennedy experiencing hair loss and needing confidence restored
- 8 min
Tim discusses Australia's new law banning social media for anyone under 16, weighing arguments about protecting vulnerable kids against concerns it cuts off LGBTQ youth from online communities, and doubts America would ever do the same because of the money involved.
10moments
- Gen Z is the loneliest generation, spending six hours a day online, and it's not their fault.
- Australia just banned social media for people under 16.
- Tim explains why banning kids under 16 from TikTok decimates the platform's user base.
- Social media is being blamed for societal ills, and while it's a scapegoat, it's a valid one—young children are being manipulated, bullied, sexualized, and pulled into unhealthy communities.
- Australia became the first country to outright ban social media for under-16s with no exceptions.
- Jonathan Haidt wrote about how social media destroys kids' minds, but the real barrier to America adopting similar restrictions is profit.
- Critics claim the ban will hurt vulnerable young people, especially LGBTQ+ teens who use social media to find community.
- Tim points out people were gay before Snapchat and will be gay after it—they existed in real life before the internet.
- Australia is a strange place underneath its sunny surface—a dark culture descended from criminals, with underlying issues around Aboriginal displacement and party-focused society.
- Tim acknowledges the argument that some kids find positive communities online, but many more are being harmed, extorted, and driven to suicide by sextortion scams.
AustraliaGen ZWayne HoldsworthTikTokonline sextortion scamsAnthony AlbaneseJonathan Haidt
- 3 min
Mr. Beast and Reaching Out to Kids Online
#Tim sarcastically praises Mr. Beast's team for personally engaging with child fans online as a supposed alternative to banning kids from social media.
4moments
- Tim notes that some kids making money on social media have thriving enterprises, so you have to break a few kids to make an omelet.
- Mr. Beast and his crew actually care about kids and take time out of their day to talk to them constantly, which Tim finds cool.
- Tim says it warms his heart because he was a misunderstood, alone kid, and if the Mr. Beast team had reached out and had him send photos, he would have felt better.
- The solution isn't to ban kids from the internet but to do what Mr. Beast's team does: engage with them, DM them, ask them what they look like to make them feel good.
- 5 min
Tim reacts to a news story about a Montreal mall playing Baby Shark on loop to drive out homeless people, joking about the job of the guy who blasts the song and comparing it to torture.
6moments
- Montreal mall plays Baby Shark in hallways and stairwells to keep homeless people from sleeping there.
- Tim's earlier bit about cities turning public spaces into Super Mario Bros levels with hostile design—spikes, obstacles, mechanical Koopas—to prevent homeless people from sitting or lying down.
- The mall is now hiring social workers for dialogue with homeless people, but Tim notes the intake and consultation process doesn't actually work.
- Tim imagines the job of the guy whose task is to blast Baby Shark at homeless people in the corridor, comparing it to Abu Ghraib torture tactics using loud music.
- The mall definitely wouldn't use Baby Shark if it didn't work—they tested it one night, turned it up, and watched homeless people start moving out of the stairwell immediately.
- Baby Shark has 15 billion YouTube views, and Tim suggests some of those views are from homeless people being kicked out of stairwells.
Baby SharkhomelessnessSuper Mario BrothersMontreal
- 1 min
Tim runs through upcoming tour dates in Austin, Oxnard, Irvine, and a newly added second show in Connecticut, then signs off thanking listeners and Patreon subscribers.
2moments
- Tim announces live show dates in Austin, Oxnard, and Irvine for December
- Added second show January 23rd at Ridgefield Playhouse in Connecticut