Episode 315 · The Ben Avery Era
Gutsy | The Tim Dillon Show #315
Sep 11, 2022 · 1:10:47 · 521,000 views · 25 segments, 142 moments indexed
Tim Dillon talks about Hillary Clinton's new tv show on Apple TV, the right wing festivals going on in the woods, the only people he still has respect for, and goes on a wild rant at the end about why you should buy the merch.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: Gas Digital Studio Rental Pitch
#Tim opens from Gas Digital Studios in NYC, riffing on renting studio space and joking that podcasting will make anyone a millionaire.
4moments
- Tim welcomes the audience to the show from Gas Digital Studio in New York City, where it all started.
- Tim pitches Gas Digital Studios' studio rental services, telling people to contact them.
- Tim claims you're a day away from being a millionaire if you start podcasting and monetize conversations with friends.
- Tim urges listeners to come to Gas Digital studio rentals, suggesting no amount of money is too much to invest in your future.
- 1 min
Ben's One-Word Trip Summary and the Word 'Retread'
#Tim asks producer Ben Avery to summarize his European vacation in one word, gets 'delightful,' then gets sidetracked arguing over the correct usage of the word 'retread.'
3moments
- Tim introduces Ben Avery's return from Vienna and notes they usually don't let him speak on the show.
- Tim says he gave Ben time off to travel to Europe and now wants him to summarize the trip in one word.
- Ben answers 'delightful' as his one-word summary of the trip.
Ben AveryVienna
- 3 min
Hillary Clinton's 'Gutsy' Show and the Ex-White Supremacist Canoe Lady
#Tim mocks Hillary and Chelsea Clinton's TV show Gutsy, focusing on an episode featuring a former white supremacist who takes people on canoe trips to 'de-radicalize' them.
3moments
- Hillary and Chelsea Clinton's new show 'Gutsy' profiles women who are brave, many of them wealthy and famous.
- One episode features an ex-white supremacist who now travels the country trying to get people to stop being hateful.
- Shannon Foley Martinez, a former white supremacist from Georgia, uses canoe trips down the Broad River to rehabilitate women leaving hate groups.
Hillary ClintonGutsyShannon Foley MartinezChelsea Clinton
- 1 min
Nazis in a Canoe, Business Opportunity
#Tim marvels that only in America could someone build a business putting former hate-group members in canoes to make them hate less.
3moments
- Tim describes a program putting Nazis in a canoe to make them hate Jews less.
- A former hate group member expresses gratitude to Hillary Clinton for contacting her about the program.
- The canoe outing involves painting with Megan Thee Stallion and the Clinton family.
- 2 min
The Clintons in Their Old Age
#Tim imagines an elderly, physically decrepit Bill and Hillary Clinton wandering the Hamptons, then pivots to how ex-presidents all end up in the entertainment business like the Obamas.
7moments
- The Clintons never go away and are now in their mid-hundreds, both visibly overweight
- Bill looks dead and stroke-like, a vegan who lost interest in life after his heart condition
- The Clintons walk the Hamptons with their daughter and Secret Service, appearing to simply exist through their final days
- Ex-presidents enter the entertainment business upon leaving office—the Obamas with Netflix, Trump always was, Hillary with her show Gutsy
- Gutsy features A-list celebrities like Goldie Hawn, Kate Hudson, Amy Schumer, Kim Kardashian, and Megan Thee Stallion
- Tim appreciates that Hillary didn't cast non-famous women or teachers from Detroit on the show
- The show instead promotes multi-millionaire celebrities and tells regular people how brave and gutsy Amy Schumer is
Bill ClintonAmy SchumerHillary ClintonDonald TrumpObamasGoldie HawnMegan Thee StallionKate Hudson+1 more
- 2 min
Gutsy's Celebrity Guest List: Goldie Hawn, Amy Schumer, Megan Thee Stallion
#Tim runs down the star-studded, ultra-wealthy guest list of Gutsy and argues Hillary wisely skipped regular non-famous women because nobody actually wants to watch them.
4moments
- Tim explains what makes a female cop a gutsy job compared to male officers, citing physical strength advantages.
- Police work attracts dumb and aggressive people, not the best and brightest.
- Most cops Tim knows were literally criminals until they decided to become police, sometimes still criminal during academy training.
- A female cop is ballsy work, but there's something Hillary apparently doesn't want to celebrate about it.
Apple TVMartha's Vineyard
- 3 min
What a 'Gutsy' Job Really Looks Like: Female Cops and Dangerous Minds
#Tim proposes that a female cop or inner-city teacher would be a truly gutsy profile, riffs on the movie Dangerous Minds as an early white-savior film, then reads a clip of Hillary explaining that staying married to a president was her gutsiest decision.
7moments
- Tim defines what a gutsy female job actually looks like—cop or teacher in the inner city, not just any woman.
- In the movie's first scene, Michelle Pfeiffer is constantly in a fighting stance because people keep trying to fight her.
- Tim calls Dangerous Minds one of the original white savior movies.
- The Hillary Clinton interview claims they want women who are gutsy not just for themselves but on behalf of others.
- Clinton says the gutsiest decision she ever made was staying in her marriage.
- Tim parodies Clinton's reasoning: she stayed because her husband was the president of the United States.
- Tim extends the parody: Clinton and her husband have killed people together, run financial schemes, and operate a criminal syndicate.
Hillary ClintonDangerous MindsMichelle Pfeiffer
- 1 min
A DraftKings Sportsbook ad promoting a bet-five-get-two-hundred offer and an early win promotion for NFL week one.
1moment
- DraftKings NFL Week One promo: new customers bet $5, get $200 in free bets instantly.
- 2 min
Tim and Ben pitch DoorDash's grocery and essentials delivery, with Tim inventing the slogan 'from deodorant to danish' as a riff on a real estate company's tagline.
6moments
- Tim recommends DraftKings as phenomenal and says he uses it.
- He mentions getting into bedding instead of sports.
- Tim pitches DoorDash as the secret to clearing a to-do list, especially with kids back to school and everyone rushing around.
- DoorDash delivers anything really—from deodorant to danish, a slogan Tim just came up with that isn't even in the ad copy.
- Tim compares his DoorDash tagline to Prudential Douglas Elliman's real estate slogan: from Manhattan to Montauk.
- He wraps up by saying he's been shocked at how fast DoorDash is and finds it amazing.
DoorDashDraftKingsPrudential Douglas Elliman
- 5 min
Freedom Fest and the Death of the QAnon/Trump Movement
#Tim describes the dwindling, sad Freedom Fest crowd still chasing JFK Jr. conspiracy theories in a Kentucky field, comparing them to drug addicts and burnt-out believers who never got the memo the movement is over.
8moments
- Tim describes the Trump/QAnon scam ending exactly as it started—in a field in northern Kentucky with dwindling crowds.
- The people still showing up are lost and need something to believe in, mixing reiki and yoga with QAnon conspiracies.
- Tim argues most of these people could be helped by taking up a simple hobby like tennis or crocheting instead.
- QAnon believers are still out there despite nothing they predicted ever coming true, comparing them to drug addicts at Christmas.
- The original perpetrators of the scam have moved on to new scams, abandoning their followers in the field.
- Tim compares the QAnon crowd to his experience cold-calling for mortgages in 2009 when the market had already died.
- The gathering resembles a street fair, except vendors are selling JFK Jr. shirts instead of sausage and peppers.
- The Gathering of the Juggalos is far more hopeful and positive as a subculture than the QAnon movement.
Donald TrumpQAnonFreedom FestThe Gathering of the JuggalosJordan KlepperJFK Jr.
- 5 min
The Freedom Fest Lineup Revealed
#Tim and Ben go through the actual Freedom Fest speaker lineup (Candace Owens, Eric Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Kimberly Guilfoyle, a 2000 Mules screening) mocking it as a dying, family-friendly BYOB gathering of the dumbest remaining believers.
9moments
- Freedom Fest lineup includes Trump bikers and unknown speakers Tim has never heard of.
- Tim observes the Trump rally phenomenon is over and done with.
- Attendance has dropped so dramatically that traffic no longer backs up at Freedom Fest events.
- Tim ranks Freedom Fest attendees as the dumbest of the dumb, with each successive month drawing even stupider people.
- The full lineup runs from Eric Deiters and Candace Owens through a 2000 Mules screening, with fireworks and a BYOB policy.
- Freedom Fest is happening right now in Kentucky as they record, with people giving speeches in a field.
- These rallies didn't work when Trump was in office and aren't working now, despite the continued events.
- Freedom Fest functions as Burning Man for people who frequent Bob's Big Boy, with radical self-reliance expressed through BYOB bourbon.
- The ethos of the festival amounts to bringing your own bottle of Kentucky bourbon and getting loaded while buying merchandise.
- 2 min
Freedom Fest as Burning Man for Bob's Big Boy People
#Tim compares Freedom Fest to Burning Man for a different demographic, joking that its attendees don't even need drugs because they already believe in underground bases and a flat earth.
5moments
- Tim describes the QAnon-adjacent crowd as so delusional they don't need LSD—they're living in a reality where JFK Jr. is coming back
- If you sat a sober Freedom Fest person next to someone actively tripping at Burning Man and interviewed them, you wouldn't know who was on drugs
- These conspiracy believers claim everything started underground and will finish there, the moon doesn't exist, the earth is flat—they need no drugs for that level of delusion
- Tim argues he's had legitimate conspiracy discussions throughout his life, in the top group of podcasters entertaining alternative theories
- He's brought on alternative historians, documentary filmmakers, and former CIA agents like John Kiriakou who've reached radically different conclusions than mainstream media
JFK JuniorBurning ManJohn Kiriakou
- 2 min
Why Stupid People Should Be Mocked
#Tim argues that mockery of stupid beliefs (COVID conspiracies, QAnon, celebrity worship) is actually socially useful because it makes bad ideas less potent and drives believers away.
6moments
- Tim argues that people with no background knowledge are right about one thing—that things are messed up and people are lying—but wrong about everything else that follows from it.
- Examples of conspiracy theories that went nowhere: COVID as a fake disease Trump released as cover for Hillary's bioweapon, or a military mill, or three days of darkness.
- Stupid people should be made fun of, just like people who think Hillary Clinton cares about women.
- Tim explains that mocking stupid people serves a social function: it diminishes their ideas' potency and causes them to fade away.
- Examples of stupid claims worthy of ridicule: the Earth is flat, the moon is a spaceship, Donald Trump Jr. never died, Princess Diana and Michael Jackson are alive.
- Tim's position: these people are actually just dumb, not even necessarily dangerous, though that argument could be made.
- 2 min
Stupid People Bother Smart People (and Hot People Like Hot People)
#Tim compares the frustration of being around dumb people to being an in-shape person around unfit people or a hot person around unattractive ones, concluding dumb people gravitate toward their own kind.
6moments
- Stupid people make smart people angry, but anger doesn't work because stupidity isn't something they can fix.
- Fat people probably bother really in-shape people the same way smart people are bothered by dumb people around them.
- Hot people like other hot people because being hot is about being seen—it's the whole point of being hot.
- When dumb people are around smart people talking, they don't understand why they're discussing things at all.
- Dumb people try to follow along but you can see the wheels turning in their little heads.
- Stupid people are part of society, and it really helps if they're good looking.
- 4 min
The Coming Age of Stupidity and Idiocracy
#Tim predicts the next 30-50 years will reward dumb people and those who cater to them, forcing intelligent people into tech or hiding, with even the wealthy having to dumb themselves down to control the masses.
10moments
- Tim's advice: if you're dumb and hot, don't try to get smarter—try to get hotter.
- Stupidity is getting worse, forcing smart people to go underground and pretend to agree with idiots.
- Intelligent people are now a minority of minorities and face extinction unless they find a way out.
- The next 50 years belong to people who appeal to dumb people—they'll make more money than anyone else.
- Smart people will work with machines while people dealing with people will be idiots, only slightly smarter than those they manage.
- Watching Hillary Clinton's show 'Gutsy' means you're an idiot, regardless of where you went to school.
- Tim says if you're in a field watching Donald Trump Jr. introduce a jug band, you're dumb.
- Listening to this show and buying the products makes you not dumb—possibly one of the smartest people in the world.
- Ben is the least dumb person Tim can handle on a day-to-day basis, reading books and trying to better himself.
- Tim's genuine praise for Ben as the least insufferable person around him.
Hillary ClintonDonald Trump Jrintelligence and dumbnessGutsy
- 2 min
Tim plugs Raycon wireless earbuds, describing their battery life and sound quality and giving a discount code.
3moments
- Tim describes intelligence as something that flickers on and off randomly, like lights switching.
- He's been listening to podcasts lately because he likes information.
- Raycon wireless earbuds ad read: optimized gel tips, eight hours of playtime, 32-hour battery life.
- 3 min
Tim and Ben do a back-and-forth BetterHelp read about the convenience of online therapy for homebodies who hate leaving the house.
8moments
- Tim sings about using therapy every minute he's alive because his therapist is too far away.
- The way people act now shows they need therapy to stay grounded and keep their relationships intact.
- Tim explains why BetterHelp works better for him than traditional therapy—he hates leaving the house.
- Tim prefers online therapy to dealing with traffic, anger, and parking at an in-person therapist's office.
- Tim mentions getting stuck focusing on problems instead of solutions in conversations.
- Finding your own solutions to problems creates a better feeling than dwelling on them.
- A therapist helps you become a better problem solver, which is what life is fundamentally about.
- BetterHelp promo code: visit betterhelp.com slash timd for ten percent off your first month.
- 5 min
Fox's 'Special Forces' Celebrity Show and Its Fantasy Finale
#Tim breaks down Fox's new reality show putting celebrities like Mel B, Dwight Howard, and Kate Gosselin through special-forces-style challenges, then imagines an absurd violent finale where the winners are sent to actually kill a family overseas.
10moments
- Tim introduces a new Fox show called Special Forces where celebrities compete in military-style challenges.
- The show takes celebrities and puts them through challenges from actual special forces selection, like hell week.
- The 16-person cast includes Danny Amendola, Mel B from the Spice Girls, Hannah Brown, and Tyler Florence.
- Kate Gosselin from Jon & Kate Plus Eight is competing—Tim confuses which reality TV family turned out to include rapists.
- Other competitors are NBA player Dwight Howard, Montel Jordan, and free skier Gus Kenworthy trying to get back on top.
- Tim proposes what the show's finale should actually be: winners parachute into a village and kill a family based on intelligence.
- Mel B gets to parachute from a helicopter, crawl on the ground, and blow up an entire village with explosives.
- In Tim's finale, Mel B holds a knife to a ten-year-old girl's throat and cuts her throat when her father refuses to talk.
- The show would be marketed as 'Do Celebrities Have What It Takes to Kill People' and 'Do Celebrities Have What It Takes to Kill Children.'
- The last two cast members are Anthony Scaramucci and Jamie Lynn Spears—Tim questions whether it hurts Trump's administration that his former officials are on shows like this.
Yes or yesSpecial ForcesDuggar familyJamie Lynn SpearsTyler FlorenceMelanie BrownAnthony ScaramucciFox+6 more
- 5 min
The Coming Dumbness (Continued) and a Military Guy He Hooked Up With
#Tim continues his riff on society's decline and nobody wanting to join the military anymore, then tells a story about a nearly non-verbal 24-year-old military guy he was involved with.
6moments
- Tim advises anyone intellectually inclined to prepare for 30-50 years of increasing stupidity by retreating into old movies and books.
- Society is approaching full idiocracy, and wealthy people will have to dumb themselves down to maintain control over the masses.
- Military recruitment has collapsed because nobody wants to join anymore, despite attempts to use celebrities in recruitment tools.
- Tim describes hooking up with a 24-year-old military guy who is so non-verbal and empty that he's comparable to an inanimate object like a wooden chair.
- The military guy's entire purpose is to be a body thrown into conflicts planned by wealthy men, with no understanding of anything beyond his narrow job.
- Tim compares how easily he could describe a teak wood deck in his Hamptons home versus how impossible it is to describe this military guy's personality in more than nine seconds.
Mel B
- 2 min
Freedom Fest vs. the Military, and Fence-Sitters
#Tim jokes that people go to Freedom Fest to feel like they're in the military without doing any work, then criticizes people who claim 'both sides are bad' as cowardly fence-sitters.
6moments
- Joining the military doesn't make sense, but it's needed—most people choose Freedom Fest instead because they can be fat, drive drunk, and avoid actual service.
- Freedom Fest lets you attend without going to a foreign country or doing sit-ups, unlike the military.
- Watching Eric Trump speak at Freedom Fest is a waste of life.
- Tim on fence-sitters: people who think both sides are equally bad are dumb.
- Tim only respects people who have permanently left the country and fled America.
- He won't leave himself but is genuinely impressed by anyone who did.
- 2 min
Only Impressed by People Who Fled the Country
#Tim says he's only impressed by people who have permanently left the country, then transitions into talking about closing up the summer house and his love of fall.
7moments
- Tim says he's only impressed by people who disappear and can't be found.
- Closing up the house out east as summer ends and fall begins.
- Tim argues fall is probably his favorite season because it makes you conscious of time.
- His guest prefers summer for the sun, which Tim finds absurd given where they're from.
- Fall makes you aware of every person stealing a minute of your day with their nonsense.
- Tim has wasted hours listening to entertaining psychopaths, but won't tolerate boring ones.
- October and Halloween are coming, and Tim's got a line of merch.
- 7 min
In an extended, escalating bit selling the new Tim Dillon Show merch line, Tim adopts the voice of a broken-down suburban father whose only joy in life is the podcast, spiraling into a dark fantasy about killing himself in the hoodie.
10moments
- Tim describes the merch as unprecedented clothing that works across all seasons and climates, timeless and ageless.
- He credits his producer's work emailing the designer with a three or four sentence vision for the merch.
- Tim insists listeners buy the merch and won't accept excuses about inflation, gas prices, sick kids, or any life problem.
- Suburban dad can't afford his dogs' operations, one of them is starting to smell, and his father won't look him in the eye.
- Buying merch and wearing it makes all life problems minuscule when supporting a podcast you enjoy.
- Tim imagines his wife coming to the garage and telling him to stop listening and raise the kids, so he'd back the car into her.
- Wife watches Hillary Clinton on Gutsy instead of noticing him, drinking wine in the back room while he tinkers in the garage.
- His kids ignore him, but that's okay because he has a podcast he enjoys from two boys he likes.
- His family line will end badly—juvenile hall, addiction, scraped skin, sobering up for four days in a Schenectady suburb parking lot.
- He wishes he was dead every minute of every day, but today he has a podcast to listen to and they're selling merch.
- 5 min
Tim continues the character bit, describing the family's emergency fund used to bail out a son accused of rape and fix a car, all while insisting he must buy the merch no matter what.
5moments
- Tim's emergency fund is reserved for his son's rape accusation bail and his wife's car repairs.
- He argues to his wife that a podcaster with three houses deserves more money and was raised in a different time.
- His wife refuses to let him spend money on merch, so he describes a fantasy suicide wearing the Tim Dillon Show hoodie.
- In the fantasy, his family sleeps through the gunshot because they're on pills and booze, then finds him dead in the merch.
- Tim's pitch: buy the merchandise because his hope is people wear it no matter what happens in their lives.
- 1 min
Vince Foster's Wife Should've Been on Gutsy
#A quick callback joke suggesting Hillary Clinton should have booked Vince Foster's wife for her show.
1moment
- Tim says Hillary Clinton should have had Vince Foster's wife on her 'Gutsy' show
- 2 min
Tim thanks Gas Digital and Francis the producer, plugs signing up at timdilliancomedy.com, and pitches Ben on doing a joke tour of upstate New York cities called the Hell on Earth Tour.
4moments
- Tim thanks Gas Digital Studios and producer Francis.
- Tim expresses being humbled and inspired by stories of Medicare fraud, people faking their own deaths, and taking advantage of others.
- Tim claims he's done a decent job selling merchandise and directs listeners to timdillioncomedy.com to sign up.
- Tim proposes a 'Hell on Earth' tour hitting four upstate New York cities—Binghamton, Buffalo, and Schenectady—around Halloween.