rant · moment 5 of 19
Young People in Florida Are Meant to Die Tragically
from Florida Hurricanes & Rich Nothings | The Tim Dillon Show #411 · #411
3 min
Tim argues Florida only makes sense for the elderly, describes young Floridians as physically 'off,' and catalogs the state's absurd causes of death including lightning, sharks, sinkholes, and the Miami bath salts face-eating incident.
- Young people in Florida are disturbing—something is wrong with them, especially on the West Coast, with close-set eyes and bizarre weight oscillations like puffer fish.
- Tim argues that young people in Florida exist for one reason only: to die tragically and quickly, their deaths always unfolding like Final Destination horror movies.
- Florida's natural hazards—lightning strikes, shark bites, hurricanes, tornadoes, sinkholes, rabid raccoons—make the whole state a nightmare.
- The Sunshine State narrative forgets about meth as a factor in these bizarre tragedies.
- Tim visited a condo in Miami by a bridge and asked the realtor if it was where someone high on bath salts ate another man's face.