rant · moment 4 of 19
Hurricane Sandy, Long Island, and the Great Excuse
from Florida Hurricanes & Rich Nothings | The Tim Dillon Show #411 · #411
3 min
Tim recalls Long Island rebuilding grotesquely after Hurricane Sandy and riffs on how natural disasters become convenient lifelong excuses people use to explain their failures, imagining a Tampa bar patron blaming Helene for years to come.
- Tim describes Long Island residents as the worst people in the world, and how they used Hurricane Sandy as an excuse for their failures.
- Natural disasters are great excuses; someone will blame hurricane Helen years later for not becoming an orthodontist, and the lie will stick because it's impossible to disprove immediately.
- Tim imagines someone at a Tampa bar claiming hurricane Helen destroyed their life—their grandmother drowned, the house flooded with black mold—to explain why they ended up on drugs and accomplished nothing.
- A hurricane becomes a legal defense: "Of course I do petty theft, I steal from H&M—hurricane Helen flooded my living room with my parents gasping for air."
- Florida will use hurricane Helen as a get-out-of-jail-free card, and they should, because older people in Florida will weaponize it.