Episode 318 · Post-Ben
"Bros" | The Tim Dillon Show #318 (ft. Greg Stone)
with Greg Stone
Oct 9, 2022 · 1:15:22 · 405,000 views · 19 segments, 129 moments indexed
"Bros" | The Tim Dillon Show #318 (ft. Greg Stone)
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- 1 min
Tim welcomes old friend and comedian Greg Stone, reminiscing about not seeing each other since the early 2000s and a running joke about texting a wrong phone number for three years.
4moments
- Tim reunites with Greg Stone, whom he hasn't seen since around 2002.
- Tim had been texting the wrong phone number for three years, thinking Greg was ignoring him.
- Greg explains he would have texted back if he'd actually received the messages and mentions being married with a kid now.
- Greg is diabetic, lost 13 pounds, and is hiring a trainer.
- 15 min
Bros Bombs and How to Market a Gay Movie
#Tim and Greg dissect why the gay rom-com Bros flopped at the box office, riffing on how it should have been marketed with more graphic sex, comparing it to Birdcage and Brokeback Mountain, and mocking Billy Eichner's persona from Billy on the Street.
14moments
- Tim learns Bros is a gay rom-com that bombed with only 4.8 million opening weekend, despite The Birdcage and Brokeback Mountain succeeding.
- The film centers on a neurotic podcast host and a lawyer who meet on Tinder—a concept Tim finds immediately off-putting.
- Tim argues a movie like this has to be so funny you'd feel comfortable suggesting it to friends without seeming gay yourself.
- You'd need star power or a different hook—Tim imagines awkwardly pitching it as a hilarious film while deflecting about the male nudity.
- The studios spent 30 to 40 million promoting Bros, yet Tim only saw one sign and thought it might be about straight guys pretending to be gay.
- Tim insists the marketing should emphasize the humor and graphic sex content, not lead with 'it's a gay movie.'
- Reading the plot synopsis aloud, Tim notes that if you pay to see this movie, you're announcing you're gay—it's essentially a gay test.
- Billy Eichner, known for his mean-spirited street show where he insults random people, blamed homophobia when the film underperformed.
- Tim announces he plans to see the movie and attempt to masturbate during it as a personal experiment.
- The Birdcage worked because it was genuinely funny with a brilliant script—you could honestly recommend it rather than making excuses.
- Tim's business idea: a theater that reports every movie sold out except the gay one, trapping customers into watching it by default.
- Marketing the graphic sex scenes would actually attract 'Bros' watching ironically, giving them social cover to see it as a bit.
- Good comedies from a decade ago were so funny you could have embedded hardcore sex scenes without ruining them—Tim suggests editing fisting into Tommy Boy.
- The title 'Bros' itself is the problem—it's dumb because no man in a pickup truck wants to tell another man he's going to see a movie called Bros.
BrosBilly EichnerEuphoriaStep BrothersThe BirdcageBrokeback MountainTwilightI Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry+10 more
- 4 min
The Bros Trailer Needs to Go All In
#Continuing the Bros riff, Tim proposes a black-screen trailer cutting straight to explicit gay sex, argues the film played it too safe, and pitches a fake movie theater scheme where only the gay movie has tickets available.
10moments
- Tim argues the Bros trailer didn't go far enough with its content and should have committed fully instead of staying medium.
- Billy Eichner is the most annoying person on television and doesn't come off as someone people want to spend two hours with.
- People in the movie industry called Tim a pet homosexual for being friends with Rogan and other straight people.
- Tim forgets his conversation partner is gay most of the time, similar to how people forget he's Italian.
- Walking around emphasizing identity would be just as disingenuous as downplaying it.
- Gay people and Italians have both become insufferable in similar ways and equally greasy.
- Gay people love promiscuity and can't get mad when people associate them with it, just like Italians lean into being a cartoon.
- The Anti-Defamation League was created by the mob to discredit people who went after the mob.
- The False Memory Syndrome Foundation was created by pedophiles to discredit abuse survivors and had a CIA guy on its board.
- The Bros trailer should have been a full black screen cutting to explicit sexual content with text saying See It.
- 3 min
Assimilation, Being Italian, and the Origin of the ADL
#Tim reflects on being seen as a 'pet homosexual' for having straight friends, compares the performative culture of gay identity to Italian-American cartoonishness, and claims (dubiously) that the Anti-Defamation League was founded by the mob to discredit accusations of organized crime.
8moments
- Tim on people criticizing him for assimilating and asking what else he was supposed to do.
- Early in his New York City career, he had only one or two jokes about being gay, not ten of them.
- Modern comics get applause just for saying they're queer on stage, which strikes him as weird without deeper material.
- He knows a Pakistani lesbian who is fascinated by hats and sneakers, not defined by her identity or background.
- Being Italian meant something specific in Tim's career—he made a deliberate choice to change his stage name from Greg Corluzzo.
- If he kept doing Italian material, he would have been trapped as the Italian comedian from New Jersey doing weddings and VFWs.
- Early on he was doing Jersey gigs, weddings, and VFWs where audiences loved the Italian references and Tupperware jokes.
- He buried Greg Corluzzo when he started performing in Long Island to escape being the Italian guy.
- 5 min
Greg tells the story of his early stage persona 'Greg Carluzzo,' the broken Italian-accent joke he used to do at weddings and VFWs, and the John Travolta impersonator he saw perform Saturday Night Fever at a private Long Island party.
8moments
- Greg describes a John Travolta impersonator at a Long Island private school party who had abandoned comedy for impressions, seeing the buried pain behind the guy's eyes.
- Tim notes that political impersonators like Trump guys and bush impressionists probably still do their routines years later, trapped in outdated material.
- Greg saw Robert Klein doing Clinton-Lewinsky jokes at a comedy club around 2015-2016, material that was already stale by then.
- Tim and Greg discuss Scotty's Steakhouse, a comedy venue that restricts what diners can order to keep costs down.
- Greg watched a comedian at Scotty's spontaneously launch into a Ross Perot impression, material so dated the audience had no idea who Perot was.
- There's a whole underground level of comedy through sites like GigMasters where comedians perform at private parties and events instead of clubs.
- Greg did a gig in Lodi, New Jersey where he and a one-armed crackhead from a recovery comedy company had to pretend to be a band, then reveal they were comedians—the bit completely bombed with the audience.
- The recovery after the failed band reveal required someone to stand up and announce the comedy show, like telling people at a steakhouse they're actually serving vegan food.
Ross PerotGigMastersRobert KleinFour BridgesDana CarveyJohn TravoltaBilly Joel
- 5 min
Greg recounts bombing at low-rent gigs: a comedian doing an outdated Ross Perot bit, a one-armed club promoter, a gig pretending to be a cover band before revealing they were comedians, and comedians doing racial-accent bits including a white guy doing a Chinese accent.
11moments
- Tim describes a fake band gig where the audience was disappointed when they started playing comedy instead of taking song requests.
- One of the band members lost his arm shooting up, not in Vietnam as he claimed.
- A comedian in the band said Jon Stewart couldn't fill Biloxi, Mississippi, exemplifying how comedians justify their own limitations.
- Tim worked with a comedian at Scotty's Steakhouse who does a Chinese accent bit and then breaks character to say he's not actually Chinese.
- Another white comedian does a Chinese accent routine with some kind of twist ending that Tim can't quite remember.
- The level of racist and inappropriate material Tim saw on Long Island stages was far beyond what current LA comedians experience.
- Joey the Vulgar Fireman would get on stage and do extremely offensive material, claiming he just calls things like he sees them.
- Dr. Dirty is actually funny despite being wildly inappropriate, doing bits about Obamacare and Thanksgiving while playing piano.
- Tim pitches what the Bros movie should have been: gentrifying gay guys who are racist, complaining on the Citizen app.
- Movie trailers now need to be so outrageous that audiences have to say 'I can't believe they made this' or they won't draw people to theaters.
- Tim notes that if people aren't shocked enough to say they can't believe a movie was made, they won't go see it.
BrosDr. DirtyJon StewartDonald TrumpJoey the vulgar firemanObamacareScotty's Steakhouse
- 1 min
Tim reads the Babbel ad, touting real native speakers over AI-generated lessons and pushing the discount code for language learning ahead of unspecified upcoming wars.
3moments
- Everybody wants to speak another language, but other apps use AI while Babbel lessons were created by 150+ language experts and voiced by real native speakers.
- Babbel offers 14 languages with speech recognition technology to improve pronunciation and accent.
- Tim argues everybody needs to learn multiple languages because we don't know who's going to win these wars.
- 2 min
Tim reads the Underdog Fantasy sports betting ad, noting BlackRock as an investor and pushing the promo code Tim for deposit matching.
2moments
- BlackRock, the company buying up all the houses people can't afford, just led Underdog Fantasy's latest fundraise.
- Tim claims everyone he knows plays Underdog Fantasy and wins money consistently.
BabbelUnderdog FantasyBlack RockKevin DurantMark Cuban
- 2 min
Bros Failure Isn't Homophobia, and Loving His Baby Like a Drug
#Tim argues the real reason Bros flopped is that it wasn't funny, not homophobia, then pivots to describing his intense, almost obsessive love for his infant son as an evolutionary drug-like compulsion.
6moments
- Tim argues Bros didn't fail because of homophobia; people knew there was too much explicit content in the movie.
- Comparing the movie's appeal to Two Girls One Cup—a novelty people watch out of curiosity rather than genuine interest.
- Tim claims loving your child isn't real love but rather an evolutionary drug that keeps humans alive.
- He describes his parental behavior: staring at his sleeping child, being amazed he exists, kissing him on the lips.
- Tim jokes his parents probably didn't anticipate their baby would become a podcaster who talks shit about them for years.
- Having a child made him reflect on his own childhood—how his stepdad beat him and he accepted it as normal.
- 2 min
Getting Punched in the Face by His Dad in a Mazda Navajo
#Tim tells the story of his father catching him and his friend Shane skipping school and smoking pot, chasing them down and punching him in the face, then driving him to the beach to scream at him in his tan Mazda Navajo.
6moments
- Tim's father punched him in the face in a backyard after he ditched school.
- He was smoking pot with his friend Shay when they spotted his dad's tan Mazda Navajo approaching.
- They ran into a yard and Tim's father chased them down and decked Tim without saying anything.
- After a neighbor told them to leave, Tim's dad drove him to the beach and screamed at him in the car.
- Tim argues the punch didn't work as discipline since he dropped out of Community College anyway.
- That tan Mazda Navajo was exactly the car his father jumped out of to punch him in the face.
- 2 min
Parenting Tools, Google, and Adopting an Older Kid
#Tim jokes about using Google instead of instinct as a new parent (almost giving his baby honey), then riffs with Greg about adopting an older troubled kid instead of an infant.
5moments
- Tim recalls being afraid of his friend's mother's green Taurus when high as a kid, relieved when it turned out to be the Chinese food delivery guy's instead.
- Parenting tools have never been articulated to Tim—what would parents use instead of hitting kids?
- Tim nearly gave his one-year-old honey until his wife warned him to Google it and discovered it causes botulism.
- Tim considers adopting an older kid down the line but knows a straight couple who keep losing biological parents at the end of the adoption process.
- The adoption situation is heartbreaking—the same people he and his guest were just discussing.
- 3 min
Getting Adopted by a Billionaire and Economic Collapse Headlines
#Tim jokes about wanting to be adopted by a billionaire he met on a boat, then reads headlines debating whether the economy faces a brief recession or complete collapse, noting he's used to being broke.
7moments
- Tim says he'd be the perfect dad for a troubled kid, like one smoking pot in third grade.
- Tim hung out with a billionaire on his boat and offered to be adopted, but the billionaire ignored him because that's how he made his money.
- The billionaire is now slowing down and realizing he's neglected relationships while chasing wealth.
- Discussion turns to economic anxiety: everyone online predicts an imminent collapse or freefall the market has never seen.
- Tim says financial predictions mean nothing to him because he was born broke and knows how to live that way.
- Now that he has a kid, daycare costs have made money matter in a way it didn't before.
- Tim reads the headline and points out it's basically offering two catastrophic outcomes with no middle ground.
- 6 min
Elon Musk, Bezos as a Villain, and Trillionaires Fleeing Earth
#Tim gives a mixed take on Elon Musk as a fame-seeking Carnival Barker with good broad ideas, then pivots to Jeff Bezos fully embracing villain status, automating jobs, and billionaires building bunker compounds to escape a planet they're bored with.
10moments
- Tim likes things about Elon but thinks he's a carnival barker who won't get anyone to Mars in their lifetime.
- Tim met Elon at a New Year's thing and relates to his desire for attention, though acknowledges that's maybe not great for someone that powerful.
- Wanting people to laugh at his tweets beats the worst things billionaires have done, like genocide.
- Bezos is embracing the villain role, which Tim respects—he's openly taking jobs and consolidating retail power.
- Tim imagines Jeff Bezos fully committing to villainy instead of trying to seem relatable with yachts and houses.
- Tim predicts trillionaires within our lifetime with wealth exceeding entire country GDPs.
- Modern billionaires are bored with Earth and trying to leave the planet, unlike past billionaires who built railroads and schools.
- Billionaires are consulting scientists about climate change because they want to relocate somewhere else.
- Wealthy people are buying Montana and Wyoming compounds with private water supplies and hundreds of acres.
- Tim shows examples of futuristic architecture—the Razor House and Mustafar—as the aesthetic billionaires should actually live in.
- 8 min
Tim describes disturbing/sad scenes he's witnessed in grocery stores like Publix (a relapsed addict deli worker, an elderly employee, a stabbing headline) as an argument for why automation and UBI might actually be a mercy, laced with the Raycon and BetterHelp ad reads.
10moments
- Tim wonders whether Bezos automating retail could be good for vulnerable workers stuck in degrading grocery store jobs.
- Disturbing encounters at Publix supermarkets, including elderly employees who've spent decades there and people emerging from difficult personal circumstances.
- A drug-addicted man working at Publix deli counter hours after relapsing, trying to weigh and scoop meat while visibly struggling.
- Tim's view that people with mental impairments shouldn't have to work, though he acknowledges others argue it gives them purpose.
- Nobody actually wants retail jobs—the alternative could be universal basic income so people don't need to work degrading positions.
- Publix as a place where people go when they're at their lowest point, evidenced by violent incidents and emergencies.
- The Publix Club sandwich is overrated—just chicken cutlets tossed with sauce in a bag and poured onto a soft bun.
- Nick Mullen's concept of fully automated luxury communism with universal basic income replacing retail work entirely.
- If Bezos eliminates retail jobs to prevent stabbings and violence in frozen aisles, that could actually be a reasonable goal.
- Raycon wireless earbuds are affordable premium audio for listening to Harry Potter audiobooks or giving to homeless people on Skid Row.
- 2 min
Tim reads the BetterHelp online therapy ad, describing it in his own words as a solution for people who are sad, angry, or overwhelmed and pushing the discount code.
5moments
- Tim says BetterHelp has been a long-term sponsor and he believes in the company
- People are sad and angry with problems, and instead of handling it alone they should try online therapy
- BetterHelp connects you with a therapist in under 48 hours and you can switch if you don't like yours
- Tim calls BetterHelp the most important thing for mental health—convenient, accessible, affordable, and entirely online
- People who don't do therapy always regret it, and Tim loves that you can do it online without leaving your house or dealing with parking tickets
- 2 min
Tim reads the Bespoke Post 'Box of Awesome' ad, describing the knife, multitool, and barbecue rub items in various themed boxes and pushing the discount code.
4moments
- Tim pitches Box of Awesome: a monthly curated box with a quiz that matches what you want, supporting small businesses.
- Box of Awesome works as a recurring gift for someone at school or moving—you can send them a box every month.
- Tim highlights specific items like Damascus steel knives from Buck Bear Knives in Pennsylvania and multi-tools from SOG, field-tested by U.S. Special Forces.
- The carnivore box includes American barbecue rub that Tim eats straight, separate from the meat, and pairs with the knife from the box.
- 7 min
DXL, the Fat Store, and the Death of Retail Shopping
#Tim and Greg riff extensively on DXL (the big-and-tall clothing store), describing oversized polos, a teenager buying a prom outfit despite a rash, the general indignity of shopping while overweight, and the broader decline of fun in American retail from Sears to Macy's.
11moments
- Tim goes to DXL, the fat store, and has hired a trainer to avoid going back.
- A 19-year-old at prom in DXL knows the night won't end with sex, has a rash and pustules on his inner thigh.
- The Jamaican woman at DXL is always sweet and friendly, tells Tim he looks good even when he doesn't.
- Commerce in America is just not fun anymore—nothing to do, nowhere to go that feels good.
- Tim tried on eleven jackets for a TV outfit and looked bad because he's fat, not because of the jacket.
- At a certain point, the body rejects the garment—no amount of fabric or elastic helps.
- New Jersey Italian fat guys pull off their look with Adidas tracksuits, but Tim can't without cops harassing him.
- DXL marketing slogan is 'We don't just size up, we size right'—it's an equation solving for fit.
- DXL ads show four morbidly obese guys on a beach starting a bonfire, something no fat friend has ever actually suggested.
- Old department stores like Sears were fun—you could buy refrigerators, car stereos, talk about diamond rings.
- Macy's is so depressing Tim considered carrying a gun while shopping there.
DXLMacy'sRalph LaurenSearsDJ KhaledDick's Sporting GoodsTargetChristian Dior+1 more
- 4 min
Greg plugs his podcast Friday Night Greg to help pay for daycare, then Tim recalls a childhood memory of a man with elephantiasis being forced back into a Stop and Shop's cold storage, spiraling into a riff about finding little people attractive after marriage.
5moments
- Greg plugs his Friday Night Greg podcast, asking listeners to support it so he can pay for his kid's health care.
- Tim recalls seeing a Stop and Shop employee with severe elephantiasis on his face being forced back into cold storage by the manager.
- Tim reflects that exposure to people with disabilities or differences makes them seem normal; he used to think little people were weird until he saw more of them in comedy.
- Tim admits he didn't like Asians until he met his wife, after which he started finding them attractive.
- Greg provides his social media handles: Instagram @GregFStone or search "Greg Stone comedian."
- 1 min
Tim closes the episode by directing listeners to follow Greg Stone on Instagram and mentions he's heading to Romania before the show returns.