Episode 323 · Post-Ben
Ari Shaffir | The Tim Dillon Show #323
with Ari Shaffir
Nov 14, 2022 · 59:59 · 559,000 views · 30 segments, 167 moments indexed
Tim Dillon is joined in Gas Digital Studios for the last guest episode for the year. Sitting down with Tim we have comedian Ari Shaffir to discuss, Shaffir fleeing the country after being cancelled, fat rehab, & much more.
- 1 min
Tim opens the show from New York, thanks fans in Philly at Parks Casino, plugs his Miami Improv dates November 17-19, and introduces the final guest of the year, Ari Shaffir.
2moments
- Tim thanks the audience for coming to his show at Parks Casino in Philly
- This is the final guest episode of the year before returning to solo episodes
Miami improvParks CasinoAri Shaffir
- 1 min
Casino Crowd and the Fupa Gold Chain Lady
#Tim and Ari riff on the disgusting but lively crowd at Parks Casino, including a woman with a Mr. T-style gold chain tied around her fupa, and joke about people enjoying $11.99 casino meals.
4moments
- Park Casino audience full of fat disgusting people.
- One woman wore a Mr. T-sized gold chain tied around her fupa.
- They're having a good time at the casino in their eleven-ninety-nine meals.
- Tim's show, which he's worked on for five years, has a theme: Jews taking over.
Park CasinoTracy
- 3 min
Ari explains why he built his new special around Jewish identity, mocking other comedians' overly serious theme hours, and he and Tim riff on Jewish stereotypes around intelligence, complaining, business success, and cultural identity.
8moments
- Why did Ari want to do an hour about the most hated group of people on earth?
- Ari describes himself as not a committed Jew, just someone who looks for bargains and can't shake cultural habits from childhood.
- Tim relates through his Irish background, feeling kinship with criminals and people who do prescription drugs.
- Ari wanted to show what Jewish people are—just like everybody else, or maybe a bit better because they value education.
- Discussion of Ashkenazi Jewish IQ being extremely high, with Ari citing examples like Woody Allen writing his own movies versus Michael Bay's reliance on special effects.
- When Kanye throws out accusations of collusion, Ari explains Jewish people help themselves and stick together, similar to how Killer Mike talks about Black community support.
- Ari claims Jewish music executives designed Black performers' entire look and image, running everything through market research before market release.
- Ari argues even Milli Vanilli was run by Jewish executives, who plan and control the output despite knowing they're not cool-looking themselves.
Kanye WestMichael BayMilli VanilliWoody Allen50 CentMiss PatKiller Mike
- 1 min
They argue that areas with Jews and Italians have better restaurants because those groups complain to waiters, unlike WASPs who are too polite, leading into a story about an Israeli tourist guide who noted Israelis cook their own food instead of complaining.
5moments
- Tim explains why Jews dominate the comedy management industry: they can afford to funnel money to young comedians making nothing in their first three years.
- Growing up with Jews on Long Island, they were loud, obnoxious, and complaining—but their willingness to complain is essential to having good food.
- WASPs won't complain at restaurants because they feel too superior to make eye contact with waiters, whereas Jewish people will send food back.
- Tim recounts a story from a Galapagos restaurant where Israeli customers simply walked into the kitchen and cooked themselves food instead of waiting.
- Tim wonders why there's so much anti-Semitism when Jewish people and Israelis just want to get things done their way.
Long IslandGalapagos
- 3 min
The conversation shifts to the basics of Judaism (heaven, no hell, Abraham as the first Jew), Jesus and who killed him, then into the danger of living in Israel, a story about touring the Gaza Strip on armored buses, and the intractable religious dimension of the conflict.
8moments
- Abraham was the first Jew, before that everybody was equal
- Jews don't believe in hell, only Purgatory
- Debate over who killed Jesus—Romans or Jews—resolved by Tim noting Jews don't get their hands dirty
- Visiting Israel creates kinship, same way Tim feels about Dublin being full of potatoes
- Israelis live on edge constantly because of the threat of bombing in the Middle East
- Prime minister told Tim the problem can't be negotiated because one side believes their God told them to kill the other
- Gaza Strip tours used to involve armed vehicles with barred windows as rocks were thrown at you
- Israel took Gaza from Jordan, who refused to take back their own refugees
- 4 min
Willful Ignorance About Homelessness and LA's Homeless Population
#Tim declares he doesn't care about geopolitics or homelessness, then goes on an extended riff about LA's homeless population, weed-homeless versus heroin-homeless, and a theory that homeless people are secretly responsible for California wildfires.
10moments
- Tim argues the best approach to homelessness is to bury your head in the sand and not think about it.
- Tim questions why homeless people don't just get a home, suggesting they're choosing to live in tents to make a point or be special.
- He declares he won't tolerate any discussion of homelessness and will pretend it doesn't exist until he becomes homeless himself.
- LA has 40,000 homeless people, which Tim describes as a Kansas City's worth of homeless concentrated in one city.
- Homeless people in LA aren't organized, which Tim identifies as probably their biggest problem.
- Different homeless populations in LA don't mix—weed homeless and heroin homeless keep separate from each other.
- Tim recalls going to rehab for Percocet and being embarrassed because everyone else was addicted to harder drugs like oxycodone and heroin.
- Homeless people starting fires is just camping; if you're going to camp, you need a campfire.
- Tim concludes that climate change is caused by homeless people fucking around with fire, and they're bringing back the plague through fires.
- Homeless people start forest fires for fun because they're bored and don't have a community to protect, so they just leave.
- 4 min
Ari tells the story of his short rehab stint for Percocet, feeling embarrassed it wasn't a 'harder' drug like heroin or crack compared to other patients, and how it inadvertently helped him realize he was gay.
8moments
- Ari was supposed to stay 28 days but insurance cut him off after seven days.
- Tim asks whether Ari couldn't stop using or didn't want to stop.
- Ari says going to rehab is cool and badass, one of his favorite things about himself.
- Tim jokes that having a drug problem or being mentally ill is awesome compared to being a boring person who pays bills.
- Tim sarcastically advises kids listening to start using drugs with the plan to go to rehab eventually.
- Ari mentions two people he went to rehab with are now dead from drugs.
- Tim explains what happened: they left rehab, their tolerances went down, and they used their old dosages like Philip Seymour Hoffman did.
- Tim asks whether the rehab didn't tell them about the danger of relapsing at their previous dosage levels.
- 1 min
Tim reads a BetterHelp ad about online therapy and discount codes, riffing with Ari about swapping therapists easily, woven into continued rehab talk about Ari getting sober 12 years ago right as he started comedy.
3moments
- Tim says he got into comedy and hasn't touched a drink in 12 years, calling himself a loser for it.
- Building an empire by renting out the lowest level studio, sitting in a basement.
- Tim clarifies he hasn't done anything in 12 years, and notes the guest thought he'd recently gone to rehab.
- 1 min
The Concept of 'Fat Rehab'
#They joke about whether rehab exists for being fat, comparing it to a resort versus a legitimate weight-loss facility, and joke about relapsing into food and cigarettes instead.
4moments
- Tim explains the concept of fat rehab as an alternative to regular resorts where you'd just get fatter.
- Drug rehab makes you less drugs, but fat rehab supposedly makes you less fat — though the success rate is questionable.
- At fat rehab, the food would be limited to celery and juices all day, making the eating experience fundamentally different from drug rehab.
- Fat rehab would start by asking attendees what their goals are.
fat rehab
- 1 min
Fat Activism and the Inevitability of Trans Kids
#Tim argues fat-shaming has become socially taboo due to activism, then pivots to predicting the next generation will inevitably be trans, and that people should just accept it rather than fight a losing culture war.
3moments
- Tim on fat activism making it socially illegal to even mention obesity rather than addressing the actual behavior
- The next generation will all be trans and there's nothing you can do about it
- Tim predicts the future will be full of fat trans people everywhere in every corner
- 2 min
Hot Trans People, Non-Binary 'Losers,' and Not Caring About Ukraine
#Tim distinguishes attractive trans people from what he calls a newer, dorkier non-binary movement with blue hair, then compares his apathy about this culture war to his apathy about a potential nuclear conflict in Ukraine.
4moments
- Tim argues that America needs hot trans people to keep the community safe and that they dress better than heterosexual women.
- The non-binary movement is just fat people with blue hair who like cartoons and are losers.
- Tim's pitch: trans autistic people will rule you and if you don't like it, leave America.
- Tim's stance on Russia-Ukraine: he'd rather be skiing during a nuclear apocalypse than pretend to care about the conflict.
non-binary movementtrans autistic peopleRussia Ukraine
- 2 min
Ari brings up Barry Weiss defending Israeli strikes on hospitals and schools as terrorist hideouts, and both admit there's no good way to say they simply don't care about children dying in the conflict.
6moments
- Tim on the endless cycle of images showing Palestinian children killed in airstrikes and how they don't help the optics of the Israeli position.
- Barry Weiss appeared on the show and when confronted about bombing schools, her defense was that hospitals and schools must also be bombed because terrorists hide there.
- Picking on weak targets who don't fight back is the easiest military choice.
- Tim clarifies the conflict isn't his fight and he doesn't want children dying, but admits he has no personal investment in the issue.
- Discussion of whether there's a way to express genuine disinterest in a tragedy without sounding callous—and concluding there probably isn't one.
- Tim acknowledges that saying he doesn't care about armless children sounds horrible but he has other things to deal with.
- 3 min
They discuss Israeli food, then pivot into conspiracy theories about Jewish control of media (The New York Times' Sulzberger family), Comedy Central execs, and the Rothschilds allegedly financing both sides of wars.
7moments
- Guest asks Tim directly whether there's truth to conspiracies about who runs the world and the media
- Tim counts one Gentile among otherwise Jewish-run outlets, then names Chris Allen as a non-Jewish face at Gas Digital
- On whether media control is a coordinated group: "It is a group, it's not a group. We're not in cahoots, we just kill it."
- Tim explains why antisemitic articles exist if Jewish people run media: because it doesn't hurt profits
- When asked if he's called self-hating, Tim says he got out and was like "what the fuck is wrong with you people?"
- Tim opens Holocaust discussion by saying "I've heard it was very bad" and invites guest to report from there
- Tim says Woody Allen did the wrong thing by marrying an actress, calling him a genius despite that action
- 1 min
In a dark bit, they joke about the six million figure being suspiciously even, compare it to comedy club comp ticket counts, and pivot to comparing Holocaust remembrance to the lack of attention paid to the Irish Potato Famine.
5moments
- Tim finds it suspicious that the Holocaust death toll is such a round number, comparing it to getting exactly 40 comps on a comedy check.
- Why does the Holocaust get more attention than the Potato Famine, which killed many Irish people, he asks.
- The Irish are one step above Italians and have souls, stories, music, and the oral tradition of passing down information.
- If Africans were telling stories during slavery, someone was making money off it by writing it down.
- All these cultures brag about their past, but real cultures brag about the present—the Chinese and Arabs are the future.
- 1 min
Tim reads an Athletic Greens ad about gut health, immune support, and vitamins, joking with Ari about whether health has anything to do with appearance.
4moments
- Chinese are going to beat the Jews because China and America have never been at war, unlike the historical Jewish-American dynamic.
- Tim started taking Athletic Greens because he wanted better gut health and more energy without taking pills.
- The supplement doesn't taste super healthy, and Tim questions why Athletic Greens hired someone like Ari Shaffir to read their ad copy.
- It has a mild tropical taste that Tim looks forward to each morning.
- 1 min
They riff on Jewish deli culture, smoked fish sandwiches, and a story about Ari's dad splitting one deli sandwich into four portions to save money.
3moments
- Chinese people have never had Reubens, bagels, or borscht.
- Tim went to Katz's Deli and was impressed by how massive the sandwiches are.
- Tim's father would split a single deli sandwich into four portions by ordering extra rye bread.
Jewish foodrye bread
- 3 min
They discuss the closed-off nature of Hasidic Jewish communities avoiding modern technology, a story about seeing a Hasidic man drop off a sex worker at night, and a related story about Ari stumbling on an outdoor gay cruising spot in New Jersey.
10moments
- Tim proposes calling his next special "Too Many Blacks" to test what's actually allowed based on identity.
- Jewish community's response to his special about Hasidic life is mostly positive, with occasional hate speech complaints.
- Strimel hats in Williamsburg cost around $1,500 and are genuinely beautiful, though most people don't discuss Hasidic culture in a fun way.
- Hasidic Jews aren't worried about YouTube commentary because they can't access it on flip phones, making them more or less like the Amish.
- Despite the restrictions, Hasidic men cheat on their wives with fat Black hookers, seeking something radically different from what they're allowed.
- Tim witnessed a rabbi dropping off a fat Black hooker in Montreal, the visual contrast being striking and somehow admirable.
- People born into restrictive religious communities are still freaks who need an outlet, regardless of how strict the environment is.
- Tim took his nephew on a hike near a New Jersey mall and was warned away from a cruising spot by a man who knew what went on there.
- The wooded area behind the mall was a Vietnam-era gay hookup spot with men sitting on benches, part of a whole hidden ecosystem.
- There must be a Jewish version of these secret gay cruising spots hidden throughout communities.
Hasidic Jewish CommunityWilliamsburgNew JerseyAri Shaffir
- 3 min
Tim calls religion a waste of life, references Matt Walsh and Rogan debating gay marriage, and Ari argues Jewish men in the suburbs are stereotypically effeminate while their wives are more masculine; they also discuss a rabbi friend refusing to give Ari religious info for the special.
7moments
- Religion is a waste of a life.
- Jewish and Christian views treat homosexuality as an urge comparable to drunkenness or overeating.
- Most Jewish men in the suburbs are extremely effeminate, touching each other while saying their names like 'hello I'm Barry.'
- Tim describes his experience at a Long Island beach club where these men would introduce themselves in an affected manner.
- Jewish wives are more masculine than their husbands, introducing themselves while their openly gay-acting husbands stand beside them.
- Tim questions why people devote their lives to religion and what they're giving their life to God for.
- Tim wishes there was a moment after death where religious people realize they devoted their entire life to something wrong.
- 2 min
They speculate on the afterlife, whether political leaders secretly believe there's no God given their actions (including a jab at Obama), and Tim's fantasy of living for a thousand years like an elf, aging slowly while everyone else dies.
8moments
- Tim imagines God rejecting him at the gates like Dikembe Mutombo, questioning what he really did besides pushing kids and hitting cars.
- World leaders act like there's no God given the things they do—Obama attending church while bombing a wedding party.
- Tim claims he's beyond atheism or agnosticism and doesn't care about the afterlife because he has no control over it anyway.
- He'd prefer to live like an elf, aging one year every hundred, keeping his friends close while new technology emerges and new friendships form.
- Living a thousand-year elf life would give you the perspective to watch entire technological eras pass and meet completely new generations.
- The downside of extreme longevity: after seeing everything, you'd become lonely because nobody else lived long enough to relate to your experiences.
- Rich famous people end up just talking at everyone rather than having genuine back-and-forth conversation, which isolates them.
- Tim jokes that "lonely at the top" is true—but definitely not true at the top of rehab.
Barack ObamaDikembe Mutombo
- 2 min
They joke about a hypothetical 'rehab' to become less Jewish, why Jews don't proselytize, and Tim tells a story about wearing a yamaka at his summer job and being awkwardly asked by a stranger if he accepts Jesus Christ.
5moments
- Tim proposes the idea of rehabs for Jewish people designed to make them less Jewish.
- Christine Evans, the venue owner, interrupts the show to ask what Tim wants people to take away from the special.
- Tim explains that Jews don't want to convert people because their exclusivity is what makes being Jewish special.
- A 50-year-old Black woman entered Tim's elevator during a summer job and immediately pitched him on accepting Jesus Christ as his personal savior despite his yamaka.
- Tim dismisses Jews for Jesus as weird and conflicted.
Christine EvansJews for JesusPatrice
- 4 min
Ari lays out what he knows about the Rothschild family history — forced into banking, spreading sons across Europe, allegedly bankrolling both sides of wars — and speculates about their secretive modern wealth and influence.
10moments
- Tim introduces the Rothschilds as a topic and asks his guest what they know about them.
- Jews were forced into banking when restricted from other professions, so the Rothschilds built their wealth in that sector.
- The Rothschild father sent his five sons to different parts of Europe to establish banking operations across the continent.
- Tim claims the Rothschilds famously bankrolled both sides of wars between France and England—a smart business strategy regardless of outcome.
- Rothschilds supposedly have vast wealth but keep it hidden and avoid public visibility unlike celebrities or reality TV participants.
- Tim mentions knowing someone who went to school with a Rothschild in New York City.
- Conspiracies claim the Rothschilds own all companies quietly, though Tim compares it more to Harvey Weinstein's influence over specific projects.
- Tim notes the Rothschilds aren't helping other Jews—they're at a higher Illuminati table, suggesting they operate independently of their ethnic group.
- A video shows Lord Jacob De Rothschild being confronted outside the Metropolitan Club, an exclusive elite club started by JP Morgan.
- Rothschild's membership in JP Morgan's club demonstrates how all the major financial power structures are interconnected.
The RothschildsJP MorganLord Jacob De RothschildKanye WestLarry David
- 3 min
They watch and react to a video of Lord Jacob de Rothschild being confronted by conspiracy theorists outside the Metropolitan Club, joking about his lack of visible bodyguards and comparing his real power to Joe Rogan's.
8moments
- Someone confronts Jacob Rothschild outside his club, asking about JP Morgan.
- Tim notes the confronter talks about the New World Order having no legitimacy and people waking up to robber barons.
- Tim observes Rothschild's accent is from a country that doesn't exist, somewhere between Normandy and wherever.
- Tim calls him a real-life lizard villain and says meeting him was scary because he's someone who could have people disappeared without repercussions.
- Comparing Rothschild to Joe Rogan: Rogan could theoretically have people killed with money, but doesn't have the influence these guys have.
- Tim notes the confronter tells Rothschild he should be scared, while Rothschild just looks at him considering whether to vaporize him.
- Tim speculates Rothschild has lived to 200 through stem cells, which is part of their whole deal.
- Nikki Hilton is married to one of the Rothschilds—of course wealthy people marry other wealthy people.
Joe RoganUFCRothschildNew World OrderNikki HiltonJP MorganHarry Styles
- 1 min
They discuss Nicky Hilton being married into the Rothschild family, joke about inbred features, and connect it to the goblin bankers of Gringotts in Harry Potter.
2moments
- Tim identifies the Gringotts goblins in Harry Potter as the Jewish banker caricature.
- The design choice was obvious enough that it registers as offensive, though he wasn't bothered by it personally.
- 1 min
Tim reads a Raycon wireless earbuds ad, pitching them as a holiday gift with a discount code, while briefly continuing to riff about the Harry Potter goblin bankers.
4moments
- Raycon earbuds are better than other earbuds and less expensive, with eight hours of battery life.
- Tim suggests Raycon earbuds work as gifts for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hanukkah.
- The earbuds have alertness mode so you can hear someone sneaking up behind you to live dangerously.
- Use code early BF at raycon.com/Tim for 20% off or 30% off exclusive holiday bundles.
- 3 min
They joke about whether it's time to stop dwelling on the Holocaust for views, riff about doing this bit with Bobby Kelly, then pivot into whether podcasts will die out as younger audiences move to Twitch livestreaming.
7moments
- Tim proposes moving on from the Holocaust and stopping the museums because it's depressing.
- He wishes Judaism focused on its positive aspects instead of constantly dwelling on the negative.
- Tim notes that people say you can't make fun of Jewish people, but comedians can and do.
- Podcasts will die as soon as celebrities invade them, which has already been attempted.
- Podcast format never became movies or TV shows the way people expected.
- Young kids are on Twitch live streaming, which is their thing, not podcasting.
- Tim jokes that young people can't get erections anymore because they're all on SSRIs.
TwitchHolocaustHarry PotterpodcastingThe RothschildsBobby KellyJudaism
- 1 min
Tim and Ari improvise a fake ad read as if the show were sponsored by the Rothschilds, joking about telling peasant listeners to pay their bills and thank their landlords.
4moments
- Tim jokes that the show is brought to you by the Rothschilds, noting he's making conspiracy-adjacent hand signals without meaning to.
- The bit: opening sponsor read would be 'pay your bills peasants,' framing rent payment as a noble obligation.
- Tim delivers mock defense of landlords: they keep neighborhoods from crumbling and have the right to decide who lives in apartments.
- The closer: people shouldn't whine about prices, just buy and consume, and thank the Rothschilds for bringing progress to the world.
- 3 min
Ari shows off a new tattoo from Ecuador, then discusses fleeing the country when he gets 'canceled,' including his reaction to January 6th, and how he tells confused locals in places like Cambodia about his controversies.
9moments
- Tim got a new tattoo in Ecuador of a flower that looks like lobster claws.
- He walked too far into the jungle with a machete trying to find the flowers.
- After January 6, people told him his take praising the "heroes" wasn't their perspective.
- Slumming around the third world lets you zooify people and look at them as lesser, like you're on safari.
- Tim shows locals a fifty-dollar bill to demonstrate a year's change in their currency.
- People in Cambodia wouldn't understand what "canceled" means—they wouldn't even know who he is.
- The toilet paper quality in America blows his mind after experiencing foreign bathrooms.
- Coming back from traveling abroad, wiping with American toilet paper feels luxurious by comparison.
- Joe Rogan, who shares Tim's agent, hates it when Tim leaves and tries to convince him to stay.
- 1 min
Coming back from travel, Ari appreciates American toilet paper, and they discuss their shared agent (Mick), his gorgeous wife, and Duncan Trussell's advice to prioritize seeing the world over corporate obligations.
4moments
- Tim describes Junior's wife as gorgeous and explains she stays in shape by not having seconds and saying 'y'all' instead of complaining about Sylvia Plath.
- Duncan told Tim to live his life after he fought with Comedy Central over traveling the world while they threatened him for leaving.
- Tim argues that if the Rothschilds thought like Duncan about making money, nobody would be anywhere, and brings up their supposed benefits to society.
- Caller asks Tim to connect Jeffrey Epstein, Mossad, the honey pot blackmail scheme, IPAC, Israel, and the Mega Group before the segment ends.
- 1 min
They discuss theories linking Jeffrey Epstein to Mossad honeypot blackmail operations, and Ari tells a story about his parents getting a confused call from Israeli intelligence looking for a similarly named writer.
2moments
- Tim theorizes Epstein's operation was a massage operation for blackmail purposes.
- Tim mocks how unintelligent the Mossad agents were for not recognizing his parents were denying his involvement.
MossadHarvey WeinsteinArielle ShaffirSeth Rogen
- 1 min
Closing Riff: Nazi Hunters and Buying Handmade Matzah
#They close by joking about Mossad hunting down Nazis hiding in Argentina, and Ari's parting advice to buy expensive handmade matzah instead of store-bought.
3moments
- Tim praises Mossad for consistently hunting down Nazis living in Argentina, describing them as the best at what they do.
- When asked for parting words about Jews or the Holocaust, Tim says to focus on the good things instead of negatives.
- Tim expresses support for Jewish delis and his love for smoked meats.