Episode 359 · The Studio Revamp
A Victimless Crime with Yannis Pappas | The Tim Dillon Show #359
with Yannis Pappas
Sep 2, 2023 · 1:02:02 · 474,000 views · 20 segments, 144 moments indexed
Tim catches up with comedian Yannis Pappas about the Obama’s, the writer’s strike, grand theft flash mobs and Tim’s favorite catholic TV station growing up.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: Mother's Dying Wish Was 'Pay the Writers'
#Tim opens introducing guest Giannis Pappas to discuss the SAG-AFTRA/WGA strike, riffing on his mother's dying wish to pay the writers and her love of Tucker Carlson.
4moments
- Tim opens with the date: day 68 of the SAG-AFTRA and WGA strikes.
- Tim's mother's dying wish was to pay the writers.
- His mother jumped ship when Fox turned on Trump and wouldn't live in a world without Tucker Carlson on television.
- Tim reflects that his mother got out at a decent time and had a great run of America.
- 5 min
Is Michelle Obama 'Big Mike'? The Chef Drowning Conspiracy
#Tim and Giannis go deep into the 'Big Mike' conspiracy theory about Michelle Obama, whether Obama is secretly gay or bisexual, and a bit about his chef supposedly drowning to cover up an affair.
9moments
- Tim argues that if Obama were gay, it wouldn't be shocking given he smokes Newports and plays basketball.
- Obama and Michelle's relationship is based on R&B and Black love, according to the caller.
- Tim claims he's progressive for being pro-gay and pro-Big Mike, unlike Republicans who hate gay people.
- If Michelle Obama is really Michael with the alleged bounce videos, why isn't she wearing proper underwear under her dress?
- Tim questions why she'd wear old-school boxers on a day she knew she'd have to dance on Ellen if the videos are real.
- Abraham Lincoln had a close relationship with a male friend, which doesn't diminish his presidency.
- Barack Obama wrote in a letter that he makes love to men every night in his imagination.
- Tim argues the quote about making love to men daily could just be something Obama said to seem cool or get laid.
- Tim suggests Obama's White House chef drowned in the pool because an affair between them was about to be exposed.
- 3 min
Scientology's Blackmail System and 'This Is For Sucking, Not Talking'
#They discuss Scientology as a repackaged confession/blackmail system used to control stars like Tom Cruise, comparing it to Catholic confession, and Tim tells a story about a priest's blunt response to him as a kid.
6moments
- Tim on Scientology's motto: 'This is for sucking, not for talking.'
- David Miscavige allegedly told Tom Cruise about Scientology's blackmail leverage on him.
- Celebrities in Scientology are rats who bail once they're famous and rich, particularly when asked to involve their children.
- Scientology offered Tom Cruise protection and an alternative public identity in exchange for compliance.
- The audit system mirrors Catholic confession: Scientology collects dirt on members as leverage.
- Tim recalls confessing sexual thoughts to a priest at age 12 and being dismissed rather than counseled.
- 4 min
WGA vs AMPTP: David Zaslav's Quarter-Billion Payday
#Tim breaks down the writers' strike standoff, mocking David Zaslav's massive self-approved salary and comparing the stalled negotiations to an endless war like Afghanistan.
8moments
- Tim opens on the writer strike as an endless crisis comparable to the Afghanistan war.
- Rich people live incredibly boring lives, which is why billionaires like Zaslav are drawn to wild content and entertainment.
- Tim reports that the AMPTP held a meeting with the WGA negotiating team, which he describes as hard-core old Brooklyn Marxists.
- David Zaslav paid himself a quarter billion dollars and is offended at how mean people have been to him about it.
- The merger of Warner Brothers and Discovery was a brilliant idea that justified Zaslav's massive self-awarded salary.
- Zaslav gets booed at college appearances, with students chanting demands to pay the writers.
- The AMPTP's negotiation offer falls flat when presented to the WGA, which refuses to meet with them going forward.
- Tim sees no end to the strike, comparing it to Russia-Ukraine and Afghanistan in terms of duration and resolution.
WGA strikeWriters Guild of AmericaTed SarandosDavid ZaslavWarner Bros. DiscoveryAlex JonesAdam Conover
- 4 min
Julia Roberts' Camera Guy Husband and Hollywood Class Warfare
#Riffing on Julia Roberts marrying a union camera guy as a symbol of class harmony, then diving into whether the strike is truly rich vs poor given how many actors and writers already have money.
9moments
- Julia Roberts married a camera guy — a union camera guy.
- Tim questions whether Julia Roberts and her camera husband's love is any more unreasonable to believe in than the relationship between Bill and Hillary Clinton.
- Different towns have different types of love — Long Island's is eating and racism.
- Tim suggests all possibilities are open regarding the Obamas; maybe Obama had an affair with his chef and that's fine.
- When you're the most powerful man in the world and bored, you have an affair with a hot guy — and you expect the chef to keep his mouth shut.
- Frustrated writers should start podcasts about putting furniture together instead of demanding residuals.
- The writers' strike is class warfare — between the rich and the rich, not the poor and the rich.
- Many comedy writers have never made anyone laugh, so their money during the last four years of TV development was free casino money based on diversity.
- Tim has had to do everything himself because executives said no to him for everything, so he has no sympathy for writers and talent.
- 2 min
Learn the Code: Networks Threaten to Scrap Pilots, Writers Told to Drown Their Kids
#Tim jokes he's for both sides of the strike, riffs on the absurdity of networks halting pilots, and escalates into a dark bit about AMPTP suggesting writers 'drown their children' if they can't afford them.
6moments
- Tim claims networks don't want to do pilots that don't make it to air anymore
- He insists he's for both the writers and the billionaires because he has integrity
- Tim says he'd poison Adam Conover if David Zaslav gave him something to throw at him
- The middle ground is the only position worth taking in this war between writers and CEOs
- Networks have suggested writers should drown their children if they can't afford them
- He wanted to protest with Mark Ruffalo until the writers got personal about CEO salaries
- 3 min
Scabbing for Netflix and the Taylor Swift 'Welcome Home' Tour
#Tim jokes about being willing to scab and appear in every Netflix show, then pivots to Taylor Swift's Eras Tour as a 'white' cultural backlash and reset after years of diversity-driven content.
9moments
- Nobody talks about actors like Mark Ruffalo making $20 million per movie and keeping it, only about CEO compensation.
- Tim would scab and work every Netflix show, every HBO reboot, even play Lena Dunham in a Girls reboot if he had to.
- Construction workers have no idea the strikes are even happening—they don't care about Cole bear or any of it.
- Networks are struggling because shows don't make money anymore; the illusion is over and people don't really care.
- Taylor Swift's popularity is partly a backlash where people are tired of unfamiliar names and just want to see a blonde girl.
- The Eras Tour should be called the Welcome Home Tour because it's become a reclamation of whiteness.
- The last leg of Taylor's tour will feature 12-year-old kids attending instead, a result of overcorrecting too far one way.
- People got tired of crazy names like Zimbabwe and Ututu; the pendulum swung back to wanting simple white American names.
- Audiences now want to see white people from small towns with high school problems—boys and girls at the soda fountain.
NetflixTaylor SwiftThe Tonight ShowLena DunhamMark RuffaloHBOWednesdayOuter Banks
- 3 min
Prigozhin's Plane Crash and Ukraine War Positions
#They joke about Yevgeny Prigozhin's plane being shot down as an obvious Putin hit, then discuss Giannis's supposed staunch pro-Ukraine stance and mock Eastern European food as interchangeable 'trash European' cuisine.
7moments
- Tim imagines the awkward moment pilots and flight attendants realize Prigozhin is boarding their plane.
- Taking out a wing makes a plane immediately become a missile headed for the ground.
- Tim says he's tattooed the Ukrainian flag on both his daughters and supports Ukraine unconditionally.
- Negotiations with Russia should only happen underground from nuclear bunkers—go all the way with this war.
- Tim's guest had trouble returning Ukraine tickets on Expedia after the war started.
- Ukrainian and Eastern European food is just nondescript trash—sausage, dumplings, and sour cream they all claim as their own.
- Polish restaurants in Greenpoint are great, but Polish food is basically ballpark food.
Vladimir PutinUkraineRussiaPrigozhin
- 2 min
Running for California Governor and Vacation Talk
#Tim jokes about needing a vacation, doing too many episodes a week, and floats running for governor of California since he doesn't want the job.
6moments
- Tim hasn't been on a real vacation in a long time and says he needs one.
- Running two one-hour shows per week is hard work, comparable to acting; he wants to clip it as evidence for the actors' strike.
- Tim supports both the actors and writers' unions but would scab for another podcast.
- He's seriously considering running for governor of California.
- California flash mobs robbing stores — Tim says he'd stop them if elected governor.
- Caller reframes robbery as societal failure; Tim leaves the point unresolved and moves to headphones.
Californiaflash mobsactors and writersVivek Ramaswamy
- 2 min
They watch a news clip about a smash-and-grab flash mob robbery at a Nordstrom in Topanga Mall, debating whether it's a 'victimless crime' and joking about the security guard being 'in on it.'
4moments
- Tim jokes that the thieves might be playing Finding Nemo instead of actually robbing the store.
- The security guard was absolutely in on it, just standing there waving as thieves grabbed merchandise.
- Tim understands why a low-paid security guard wouldn't risk his life defending a tote bag.
- The brilliance of the heist is the sheer numbers—forty people create pandemonium and make mass arrest impossible.
retail crimeNordstromsmash and grab theftWestfield
- 3 min
San Francisco's Retail Exodus and Disaster Capitalism Theories
#Tim lists major retailers fleeing San Francisco due to crime and considers whether it's deliberate 'disaster capitalism,' concluding instead it's political paralysis and fear of stating uncomfortable truths.
6moments
- Tim asks who specifically got hurt by San Francisco's retail collapse, then immediately answers: the store employees losing their jobs.
- Tim poses a conspiracy theory question: is Blackstone deliberately orchestrating flash mobs and shoplifting to tank retail prices and scoop up properties at fire-sale rates?
- Tim rejects disaster capitalism as the explanation, proposing instead that this is 'paralysis capitalism'—people and politicians are frozen and unable to act.
- Nobody cares about problems outside their immediate sphere; someone living in a Marin County mansion won't worry until crime reaches their window.
- Tim notes that the wealthiest people in the world are letting this happen, which is genuinely weird and fuels conspiracy theories about intentional collapse.
- The real problem requires naming uncomfortable truths: the shoplifting is a crime, it's illegal, and the people doing it aren't just poor—they need actual intervention.
San FranciscoBlackstoneNaomi Kleinprivate equityMarin County
- 4 min
Tim argues society prioritizes optics over addressing real crime and addiction, then they cue up a clip of LA DA George Gascón being pressed on accountability for the flash mob robberies.
7moments
- Optics have become more important than reality in how cities address homelessness and drug addiction
- Flash mobs driving stores out of San Francisco, then people don't want to live downtown anymore
- Tim on lesbians as the Marines of gentrification and their role in urban development
- This kind of decay in a city is the beginning of rot that signals bad omens ahead
- Legislators hijacked by gotcha politics, all personal attacks instead of policy debate at every level
- People claiming they're starving while selling Fendi bags to buy groceries
- George Gascón, Los Angeles DA, asked about the flash mob problem and looks confused
San FranciscoAlexandria Ocasio-CortezGeorge GasconWhole Foods
- 3 min
A read for Morgan and Morgan injury law firm, citing car accident statistics and their track record of settlements, wrapped around the Gascón news clip discussion.
8moments
- Tim comments on the appearance of someone in a news clip about LA crime.
- Tim questions why a public official isn't in Miami relaxing instead of dealing with crime problems.
- Tim expresses confusion about appointed versus elected officials in LA government.
- Tim references the recall of San Francisco's DA Chesa Boudin for telling crime victims to get over it.
- Car crash statistics cited: 35% of fatal accidents occur between 6 PM and midnight, with ages 15-24 having highest emergency room visit rates.
- Morgan and Morgan presented as America's largest injury law firm with 100 offices nationwide, 800 lawyers, and $15 billion recovered for 300,000 clients.
- Tim pitches submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan as simple and essential.
- Contact information provided: Morgan and Morgan offers free fees until they win; visit forthepeoplecom.timtim or dial #529 (#LAW) from cell phone.
Morgan and MorganKaren BassRick CarusoChessa Boudin
- 2 min
Tim reacts to news that Texas AG Ken Paxton allegedly used a fake Uber account to see his lover, riffing on politicians being drawn to power to cover up their own crimes and lack of empathy at the top.
6moments
- Ken Paxton and investor Nate Paul set up a fake Uber account so Paxton could secretly meet his lover, according to impeachment filing.
- Tim argues most politicians get into power specifically to cover up crimes they're committing.
- Tim asks if there's a shittier life than being a politician, even for honest people.
- Politics attracts a specific type of person who wants power to cover things up, unlike finance or tech.
- People without empathy, who don't sweat when bodies go down, are the ones who rise to the top.
- Being a sociopath is actually helpful in the United States.
Ken PaxtonNate PaulAmy Schumer
- 2 min
Amy Schumer Turning Down Barbie and Oppenheimer Thoughts
#Tim discusses Amy Schumer allegedly turning down the Barbie role, jokes about not having seen the movie, and gives quick thoughts on Oppenheimer's length and style.
5moments
- Tim supports Amy Schumer turning down Barbie because she should have played the role instead of a British actress.
- Tim saw Oppenheimer instead of Barbie and found it too long.
- Every scene in Oppenheimer starts with people walking, giving it the feel of a rap video meets a 60 Minutes interview.
- Tim won't discuss a trailer for something he's not promoting because he's in SAG and can't talk about it.
- Tim criticizes actors protesting the strike as people with no money and no actual work history.
- 3 min
Austin and Miami Cost of Living Crisis, Californians Ruining Everything
#Tim cites Austin's rising cost of living stats, jokes about Joe Rogan needing bodyguards, and argues Californians make every city they move to both more expensive and worse due to their lack of edge.
8moments
- Austin is now more expensive than LA, so people living there need to find ways to financially better themselves or live under a bridge.
- A family of four in Austin needs $4,241 monthly just for expenses without rent — the economic zombies are coming for the comedy club.
- Miami has become the most expensive city in America, so expensive that people are diving into the ocean or swimming back to Cuba.
- Californians move to places and make them more expensive and worse — they lack the right edge and put pecans in salads.
- Tim describes LA as having only two types of people: those who don't care at all or those manic on pills, with no sane middle ground.
- Malibu families dressed in white, looking like a cult, sit eating strawberry sorbet while staring at each other in complete detachment.
- Flash mobs might become large enough that people will have to pick a side and decide whether to join the mob or align with something stronger.
- A swing back to Evangelical Christianity is coming as the only thing that can restore order and put Pandora back in the box.
AustinLos AngelesMiamiCaliforniansEvangelical Christianity
- 6 min
The Catholic Church, Pedophilia, and Confession as Blackmail
#A long dive into Catholic Church sex abuse scandals, comparing it to Greek Orthodox and other religions, discussing celibacy as a recruiting mechanism for predators, and the property/inheritance reasons priests can't marry.
13moments
- Tim argues organized religion is central to child trafficking, citing the Franklin Scandal and Boy Town.
- Tim's guest asks not to discuss the Catholic Church negatively before his mother's wake tomorrow.
- Guest reveals he's Greek Orthodox, describing it as Catholicism where priests can marry and don't rape millions of boys.
- Greeks invented pedophilia and started everything, Tim says, though he credits the elites and city-states rather than ordinary citizens.
- Catholic Church is the Michael Jordan of raping children, Tim argues, but guest insists there are positives.
- Positives of the Catholic Church include it being the one true faith, owning stunning real estate and art, and representing centuries of civilization and ritual.
- French expose found 300,000 children abused since the 1970s; Tim estimates the real number is ten times higher and questions why parents leave kids alone with priests.
- Between 1915 and 2020, 216,000 children were abused by Catholic priests—probably a vast undercount, Tim says.
- Celibacy requirement attracts people with problems; confession is blackmail, and removal of women removes whistleblowers on child abuse.
- Confession functions as blackmail, which Tim identifies as the core structural problem of the entire system.
- Priests were allowed to marry until pedophiles took over; the celibacy rule was actually about money—the Church didn't want property passing to priests' sons.
- Every religion has molestation problems, guest notes, but Tim counters that Islam and Judaism have none while Catholicism and Protestantism are the issue.
- Protestants are dirty pig people, Tim declares, and both agree on the assessment.
Catholic ChurchGreek Orthodox ChurchFranklin scandalAvaRomeSt Patrick's Cathedral
- 6 min
Telecare and the Catholic Cooking Show Clip
#They pull up old Catholic public access TV clips including Telecare's 'Everyday Faith Live' and a cooking show host who Tim jokingly accuses of being a pedophile based on his creepy delivery about grains.
11moments
- Telecare was a Catholic Church channel that aired in Long Island, featuring religious programming and is still available on Verizon FiOS Channel 271.
- Tim plays a clip from a Catholic faith network program about "Everyday Faith Live" with a host promoting new seasonal programming.
- The Catholic Church is the second-biggest land owner in Washington DC, which Tim notes is legitimately impressive.
- Bill Donohue from the Catholic League had to defend torture as acceptable during the Iraq War, arguing enhanced interrogation aligned with Catholic doctrine.
- Long Island Catholic housewives watched news reports of detainees tortured in pyramids and waterboarded while church figures claimed God was okay with it.
- Tim argues the church is not defined by its crimes—the church is the people, and the church is God.
- The Catholic Faith Network now has a cooking show featuring preachers preparing real food for God.
- A priest on the cooking show discusses preparing quick healthy meals using grains like barley and pH, prompting Tim to joke about his suspicious interest in young things.
- Tim's mother made beef barley soup from scratch, but he was fooled into thinking barley was a pasta and refused to eat it once he learned it was a grain.
- The priest demonstrates how to prepare asparagus, repeatedly saying odd things about it being a good food choice while Tim notes the episode has been banned from platforms.
- Tim observes the Catholic cooking show segment has already been banned from YouTube, cutting off mid-episode.
Catholic ChurchTelecareBill DonohueBoston GlobeBill O'Reilly
- 2 min
Reconciling the Church, His Mother's Funeral, and Israel Tangent
#Tim reflects on attending his Catholic mother's funeral mass despite the church's scandals, then briefly veers into a bit about supporting Israel.
5moments
- Tim attending his mother's wake with a Catholic funeral mass, navigating his own faith complications.
- Comparison of corruption and child abuse in Catholic versus other churches.
- Tim: He's Jewish, supports Israel, thinks they should have all the land they want.
- Why people aren't angry at the Germans or Stalin like they are at Israel.
- Tim's take on a Palestinian toddler: the look in his eye suggested he was going to be a problem.
- 2 min
Giannis promotes his podcast and extensive tour schedule across the US, Australia, and New Zealand, they trade jabs about Catholics one more time, and Tim closes the show.
7moments
- Giannis promotes his podcast, 'The Jannis Pappas Hour,' and tour dates across North America and Australia.
- His last special wasn't just about abusing Catholics, but his grandparents would be angry hearing it.
- Tim notes that Giannis attacks Catholics a lot, treating them like a punching bag because they're broke.
- Catholics don't get shit on like this—their church is on Fifth Avenue, not by Ground Zero like a mosque.
- Tim plugs his own tour dates, guaranteeing no Catholic abuse at Tim Dillon Comedy.com.
- Tim directs listeners to subscribe to Giannis's YouTube channel and buy Patreon access.
- Tim suggests bringing your grandparents to the show to explain why everything they believed their whole life is a lie.
Giannis PapadopoulosCatholics