Episode 370 · The Studio Revamp
A Loud Shape | The Tim Dillon Show #370
Nov 18, 2023 · 1:03:58 · 456,000 views · 14 segments, 93 moments indexed
Tim examines an airport service that's mailing it in, Trump's real estate exaggerations, boomers living in the metaverse and how rappers can beat the legal system.
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- 1 min
Getting COVID After a Great Carnegie Hall Run
#Tim opens by revealing he has COVID again after a sold-out Carnegie Hall show with Bonocore Baker and Mike Feeny, followed by another great show at Carnegie Music Hall in Pittsburgh, before feeling sick on the way home.
3moments
- Tim tests positive for COVID for the third time and credits Pfizer for the vaccine working.
- On the way home from Pittsburgh's Carnegie Music Hall, Tim starts feeling sick with sinus pain.
- Tim's test comes back positive, but he notes the illness is mostly over after three days.
Carnegie HallCarnegie Music HallMike FentyRose Baker
- 3 min
His Business Manager and the Lobster Sneakers
#Tim thanks fans for Carnegie Hall and describes his business manager buying flashy lobster-claw Nike sneakers and posing for Instagram photos backstage, calling him hopelessly out of touch with the venue's prestige.
6moments
- Tim thanks the audience for coming to his Carnegie Hall show and notes that Louis C.K. was in attendance.
- His managers and agents were all there, and Tim observes they're exactly who they should be.
- Tim's business manager, who handles all his money, went to Flight Club and bought Nike Lobster sneakers like a 15-year-old ditching high school.
- The business manager put rubber bands on the ends of the lobster sneakers in the Carnegie Hall green room to mimic lobster claws.
- He took photos of the shoes with the bands on them and posted them to Instagram at Carnegie Hall instead of caring about the venue itself.
- Tim says the business manager belongs at a state fair where people deep fry luxury items, not managing money for a successful comedian.
Carnegie HallLouis C.K.Flight ClubNike
- 2 min
How He Predicted the Fall of Airbnb
#Tim recounts warning years ago that Airbnb's outrageous cleaning fees and host paranoia would tank the platform, and claims he was proven right as people abandon Airbnb for hotels.
4moments
- Tim explains why he warned Airbnb years ago about the $400 cleaning fee problem that would tank the service.
- Charging guests a cleaning fee to do work themselves while also making demands was unsustainable, he argues.
- Airbnb has lost massive market share; people saying they're staying in an Airbnb now sounds like admitting something's wrong.
- Tim predicted the collapse by watching how hosts got weird about their houses and increasingly strict with rules.
- 12 min
CLEAR Airport Security Is Becoming the Next Airbnb
#Tim gives an extended rant about CLEAR, the private airport security company, detailing how its promised convenience has collapsed into long lines, unhelpful and seemingly high staff, random ID checks despite biometric enrollment, and a personal ordeal at Newark that forced him to fly private.
14moments
- Clear is a private company that lets you bypass regular security lines at airports by scanning your biometric data.
- Tim describes how Clear works: they scan your eyes and fingerprint, run you through a database, and you skip the line without needing ID.
- The Clear line itself has become so long that Tim has missed flights by underestimating how long it takes to get through.
- Clear promised to be everywhere but only operates in 51 airports, and some terminals within those airports don't have Clear service.
- Clear employees act like customers have done something wrong when they need help and show no interest in assisting people quickly.
- Clear now does random ID checks every time despite the whole premise being that biometric data makes ID unnecessary.
- Tim arrives at Newark 20 minutes before his flight closes without his ID, assuming his Clear membership and biometric data would be sufficient.
- The Clear staff run Tim through the system three times, each time demanding a random ID check even after scanning his eyes and fingerprint.
- Clear employees sometimes abandon their station entirely, leaving customers stranded even though they've paid for the service.
- Clear staff try to upsell customers and pressure them to add family members to their accounts while going through security.
- Tim suggests Clear should hire people who aren't fresh out of rehab or work-release programs, as the staff are visibly intoxicated during shifts.
- Clear staff act like Tim is insane when he doesn't have an ID, treating him as a potential terrorist instead of helping him as a registered member.
- Tim had to fly private to make his Carnegie Music Hall show because Clear couldn't resolve his ID situation and he would have missed his flight.
- These airport problems are only noticeable if you travel frequently, but traveling in general is terrible.
- 3 min
Modern Air Travel Is a Zoo, and Crews Are Miserable
#He describes how overworked, burned-out flight crews now seem to want the plane to crash amid passenger chaos, citing incidents like a British Airways crew mugged in Brazil and pilots self-medicating with drugs and alcohol between flights.
6moments
- Flight attendants' faces reveal they want the plane to crash due to overwork and stress.
- Modern air travel has become a zoo because passengers are monsters and the crew deals with constant incidents.
- British Airways crew in Brazil got mugged, spent the night drinking, and forced a flight cancellation.
- Pilots are on continuous drug and alcohol binges between flights because flying with the American public is traumatic.
- Tim describes passengers as disgusting, violent, drunk people fighting each other at 30,000 feet.
- Pilots can't leave the cockpit without risking another 9/11-style hijacking attempt, so flight attendants bear the entire burden of chaos management.
flight attendantsBritish AirwaysFlight
- 9 min
Boomers Flying to Torment Their Kids and Hoarding Real Estate
#Tim connects rising boomer air travel to boomers refusing to downsize or sell their oversized homes despite a housing crisis, citing a Merrill Lynch retirement study showing 30% of retirees actually move into bigger homes, and mocks boomers bragging about home values to indebted younger relatives.
10moments
- Boomers are flying in large numbers to visit their children's homes and mock them for how they live.
- Boomers refuse to sell their houses even when elderly and sick, keeping prices inflated and locking out younger generations.
- A Boomer's mcmansion is their way to establish dominance and judge their children as failures for not living the same lifestyle.
- Boomers cannot imagine living a simpler life even in their twilight years, always wanting more space.
- Survey data shows 49% of Boomer retirees didn't downsize and 30% moved into larger homes despite their age.
- Tim compares Boomers refusing to leave houses to figures like Dianne Feinstein dying in office—a pattern of refusing to relinquish control.
- Boomers on planes in economy plus are judgmental and harass flight attendants, traveling to judge their children.
- Boomers' favorite pastime is telling you what their house is worth now, bragging about the appreciation to younger people in debt.
- A Boomer brags that a house bought for $200,000 could now fetch $1.8 million, but refuses to leave.
- Boomers built wealth by buying cheap property and reaping massive gains while their children drown in student loans and rising rent.
BoomersDiane FeinsteinAmerican AirlinesSouthwest AirlinesUnited AirlinesBlack RockDeltaLong Island+2 more
- 1 min
Boomers Scaling Up in Retirement
#A brief coda riffing on the absurdity of boomers moving into larger retirement homes amid a national housing shortage.
1moment
- Tim on the absurdity of 30% of Boomers moving into larger homes during retirement while America faces a housing crisis and shortage
- 4 min
Tim reads a holiday-themed sponsor ad for Manscaped's Performance Package 5.0, including the Lawn Mower 5.0 trimmer, promoting the code TIMD for a discount.
9moments
- Young people have been locked out of homeownership for a decade due to housing prices and interest rates.
- Boomers are responding by buying bigger houses with more rooms they don't need.
- Manscaped advertisement for the Performance Package 5.0 Ultra with the Lawn Mower 5.0.
- Manscaped products are better than competitors like Philips Norelco body groomers.
- E-commerce businesses thrive during the holiday season but shouldn't worry about back-office logistics.
- ShipStation automates shipping with all major carriers and offers up to 84% discounts.
- 130,000 companies use ShipStation, and 98% of year-one customers stay for life.
- ShipStation free 60-day trial available with promo code Tim Dylan.
- Tim considers shipping his dead schizophrenic mother's art using ShipStation.
- 5 min
After a ShipStation ad about automating e-commerce shipping, Tim segues into Mark Zuckerberg doubling down on the metaverse, tying it to digitized conflict fantasies and the concept of parasocial relationships with celebrities and comedians.
10moments
- Tim speculates that future wars might be fought in the metaverse instead of the physical world.
- He argues that digitizing conflict would be preferable to the carnage happening in places like Gaza.
- The movie Her predicted parasocial relationships, but they're not some distant future—they're already normalized.
- People genuinely believe they'd date celebrities or influencers if given the chance, convinced they'd be perfect together.
- Everyone has become a stalker; enjoying content online now means tracking someone's every move and location.
- Behavior that used to define schizophrenia—obsessive tracking of celebrities—is now celebrated as fandom.
- Interrupting a comedian during a show used to be disruptive, but now it's reframed as being a "good fan" because parasocial attachment has normalized it.
- The attachment people have to internet personalities they've never met is unhealthy and appears irreversible.
- Tim calls out people who message celebrities weekly and occasionally get responses, treating it as normal rather than delusional.
- Mark Zuckerberg's metaverse push is essentially just a more immersive social media experience built on already-pathological parasocial dynamics.
Mark Zuckerbergparasocial relationshipsmetaverseTaylor SwiftHer
- 6 min
Parasocial Obsession and Stalkers Becoming 'Good Fans'
#Tim explores how attachment to celebrities and influencers online has normalized stalker-like behavior, referencing the movie Her, Taylor Swift stalkers, and fans who message him aggressively while calling him names.
8moments
- Tim recalls being pitched to become the first comedian performing in metaverse comedy clubs during the NFT gold rush.
- Studies show technology is causing higher suicide rates, body image issues, and anxiety spikes among teenagers, especially young women.
- Tim imagines Zuckerberg's position: once everyone uploads consciousness into the metaverse, the mental health crisis will resolve itself.
- American downtowns are being abandoned as people spend more time online, with no signs of reversing post-COVID digital acceleration.
- Zuckerberg's vision: workplaces where physical and digital colleagues sit around the same table with AI holograms assisting everyone.
- Tim's dark take: Boomers might never die if consciousness upload becomes possible, trapping younger generations with immortal racist relatives at Christmas.
- If elderly people could live forever as holograms, they'd never need to sell their houses, destroying the real estate market they worked their whole lives to accumulate wealth through.
- Tim is reading "The Dimensions of the Cave," a fiction book about a journalist uncovering a secret government program creating artificial people.
- 3 min
Zuckerberg's Hologram Meetings and Boomers Living Forever
#He riffs on Zuckerberg's vision of hybrid physical/digital/AI meetings and jokes that boomers might upload their consciousness into holograms to avoid ever giving up their houses or dying.
3moments
- Tim traces how Trump accusations fell from Russian agent claims to inflating condo prices, noting the victim was just an insurance company.
- Every real estate owner inflates property value—it's the entire point—so prosecuting Trump for doing it is absurd.
- Tim argues Americans can't even comprehend the numbers involved in these charges, making the case incomprehensible to ordinary people.
- 7 min
Trump's Deflated Real Estate Fraud Case vs. the Russia Collusion Narrative
#Tim mocks the shrinking scale of accusations against Trump, from being a supposed Russian intelligence asset to merely inflating his condo and building valuations, comparing it to a movie pitch that lost all its drama, and contrasts it with the lack of scrutiny on Bill Clinton's Epstein jet flights.
9moments
- Manhattan real estate valuations are incomprehensible to people outside the city—a single office building can be worth $300 million, more than some counties' entire operating budgets.
- All billionaires inflate asset prices to secure loans; the practice is universal, not unique to Trump.
- Bill Clinton rode Epstein's jet multiple times without Secret Service, barely reported, while everyone ignores the human trafficking connection.
- Trump said a property had eight bathrooms when it has six—a powder room doesn't count as a full bathroom, yet this detail dominates the case.
- The case started as claims that Russia installed Trump as president through blackmail involving a sex tape, an absurd conspiracy theory.
- Tim compares the shift from espionage accusations to real estate fraud to a school principal claiming your son is a shooter because he danced with a fake gun in a TikTok.
- The original narrative was that Russia conducted the biggest intelligence operation in human history, installing a blackmailed president.
- Tim pitches the deflated case as a movie: a rich guy says his property is worth $280 million when the market values it at $200 million—hardly a compelling crime.
- The prosecution's narrative collapsed from foreign government installation and blackmail to a dispute over whether a condo's stated value matches its assessed value.
- 10 min
Young Thug's Lyrics as Evidence, and Advice to Drill Rappers
#Tim discusses the ruling allowing Young Thug's lyrics to be used as trial evidence in his racketeering case, riffs on Coldplay and Jay-Z opposing the precedent, and jokingly advises rappers to fabricate names and locations in their lyrics to avoid incriminating themselves, plus a bit about Young Thug and Gunna releasing a pro-Israel song.
9moments
- Prosecutors using Young Thug's lyrics as evidence in gang and racketeering trial.
- Tim's advice to drill rappers: use fake names and locations instead of confessing to actual crimes in lyrics.
- Rappers don't need to be glaringly accurate about every murder they've committed; they can fudge the details.
- A judge ruled lyrics admissible as evidence in Young Thug's trial, decried by free speech groups including Jay-Z and Coldplay.
- Tim proposes letting rappers start with a fresh slate if killings stop now, calling it part of the game.
- Tim suggests rappers rap about cops being good instead to throw everyone for a loop while still committing crimes.
- Young Thug's new song about Israel's right to defend itself seems suspicious and opportunistic timing.
- Final advice to drill rappers: change names and methods in lyrics so cops and prosecutors get confused between versions.
- Life can be nice if you just lie about the people you're killing.
Young ThugGunnarapEli RothJay-Zdrill rapColdplayAddison Rae+8 more
- 1 min
Aside on Israel-Gaza Hostage Negotiations
#A brief, non-detailed acknowledgment that he's not diving deep into Israel-Palestine but notes reported progress on hostage releases by Hamas.
1moment
- Tim compares killing people to lying about them on Airbnb, paralleling how the U.S. has operated and suggesting Israel could do the same.