rant · moment 3 of 13
Lifeguarding at the Beach Club
from #305 - Summer In America | The Tim Dillon Show · #305
7 min
Tim recounts his years as a lazy, stoned pool lifeguard at a Long Island beach club, including a near-drowning incident, getting fired for handing out sandwiches during a CPR emergency, and the appeal of lifeguarding as a low-effort power trip job.
- Tim worked as a lifeguard at a beach club on Long Island and was a smoker in poor physical shape.
- Pool lifeguards require less conditioning than ocean lifeguards—you can just fall out of your chair into the pool.
- When kids get rescued from pools, parents shake and yell at them, traumatizing them and making them scared of water.
- During a trip to Australia, Tim was so mortified at the idea of being rescued after criticizing Australians that he preferred to die.
- Lifeguarding appeals to people who enjoy abusing power—enforcing arbitrary rules, blowing whistles, and closing pools.
- Tim preferred the 11 to 7 night shift because he got free food and didn't have to pay attention.
- Tim and coworkers would get extremely high in the lifeguard shed on rainy days, then panic when the sun came out and the pool filled up.
- The beach club owner confronted Tim and his friend Jeff about missing a save where a kid's mother had to jump in and rescue her son.
- Fat lifeguards exist at public pools—angry, elderly people like one named Dottie who blow whistles and yell about no running.
- Tim was fired after handing out sandwiches to everyone while a guest who'd just been resuscitated was still lying on the beach recovering.
- The town's lifeguards were horrified that Tim distributed lunch during the aftermath of a rescue, calling it unprofessional.
lifeguard shortageJordan PetersonLong IslandAustralia