Episode 305 · The Ben Avery Era
#305 - Summer In America | The Tim Dillon Show
Jul 3, 2022 · 56:30 · 520,000 views · 14 segments, 97 moments indexed
Tim talks about his favorite summer memories, the lifeguard shortage, tips for beating the heat, and the offensive "pro gay" corporations like Postmates and Burger King.
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- 4 min
Jewel Vape Ban and Cigarette Nostalgia
#Tim opens by announcing 17 days smoke-free, then rants about the FDA pulling Juul from stores and the government cracking down on nicotine, comparing scary foreign cigarette packaging and rising prices.
10moments
- They're coming for the vapes and cigarettes as economic pressures mount.
- The government is coordinating a push to eliminate cigarettes during an economic crisis.
- They're taking away every means of relaxation while heading into the worst economic climate in over a decade.
- Juul is a nicotine salt vape that the FDA removed from stores immediately.
- South Carolina sued Juul and won money because the company targeted children with flavors.
- Juul marketed flavors like cool cucumber, creme brulee, and mango designed to appeal to kids.
- Someone blows a Juul and the smell fills a subway car like a scene from Alice in Wonderland.
- Biden is trying to remove nicotine from cigarettes entirely, making them pointless.
- Cigarette packages in the UK and Australia display graphic warnings like dead babies and scarred lungs.
- Cigarettes cost fifty dollars in Australia and are heavily packaged with disturbing imagery showing strokes and disease.
Juulnicotine regulation
- 3 min
The Coming Cigarette Ban and Class Warfare
#He predicts a nicotine cap will effectively ban addictive cigarettes and create a black market, argues teenagers should smoke and enjoy their youth, and jokes about wanting cigarettes restricted to rich people only.
7moments
- Tim predicts a cigarette ban or major cost spike is coming to America.
- FDA plan to cap nicotine content in cigarettes will make them non-addictive by 2023.
- Black market cigarettes will emerge once the FDA restricts legitimate products.
- Smoking as a teenager and in your early twenties is cool and sexy, according to Tim.
- Tim advises smoking casually in your late teens and twenties, then quitting easily.
- Tim wrestles with supporting freedom while also wanting restrictions on poor people.
- Limiting cigarettes to wealthy people rather than poor people appeals to Tim.
- 7 min
Lifeguarding at the Beach Club
#Tim recounts his years as a lazy, stoned pool lifeguard at a Long Island beach club, including a near-drowning incident, getting fired for handing out sandwiches during a CPR emergency, and the appeal of lifeguarding as a low-effort power trip job.
11moments
- Tim worked as a lifeguard at a beach club on Long Island and was a smoker in poor physical shape.
- Pool lifeguards require less conditioning than ocean lifeguards—you can just fall out of your chair into the pool.
- When kids get rescued from pools, parents shake and yell at them, traumatizing them and making them scared of water.
- During a trip to Australia, Tim was so mortified at the idea of being rescued after criticizing Australians that he preferred to die.
- Lifeguarding appeals to people who enjoy abusing power—enforcing arbitrary rules, blowing whistles, and closing pools.
- Tim preferred the 11 to 7 night shift because he got free food and didn't have to pay attention.
- Tim and coworkers would get extremely high in the lifeguard shed on rainy days, then panic when the sun came out and the pool filled up.
- The beach club owner confronted Tim and his friend Jeff about missing a save where a kid's mother had to jump in and rescue her son.
- Fat lifeguards exist at public pools—angry, elderly people like one named Dottie who blow whistles and yell about no running.
- Tim was fired after handing out sandwiches to everyone while a guest who'd just been resuscitated was still lying on the beach recovering.
- The town's lifeguards were horrified that Tim distributed lunch during the aftermath of a rescue, calling it unprofessional.
lifeguard shortageJordan PetersonAustraliaLong Island
- 7 min
Reacting to a local news clip about a lifeguard shortage, Tim jokes about letting people at public beaches drown, argues that public-health-adjacent jobs became uncool post-COVID because they don't allow phone scrolling, and mocks the right-wing beachgoers of Huntington Beach.
10moments
- Lifeguard shortage explained: $24/hour pay, but employees cite COVID fears and close contact concerns like mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
- Local news report: Huntington Beach lifeguard recruitment typically draws 300 applicants but only 100 this year.
- Tim questions why society pretends to care about preventing deaths at public beaches when they're free and unmonitored.
- Lifeguard job used to be cool via Baywatch associations, but positions of power have become uncool since COVID.
- Tim suggests lifeguards now feel like beach cops or "beach feds" rather than cool rescue workers.
- News explanation for shortage: people don't want jobs where they can't use their phones or scroll social media throughout the day.
- The real reason might be that lifeguarding is an actual job requiring real work, unlike most positions where people do nothing all day.
- Tim recommends pool guard work at country clubs over beach lifeguarding—easier money with fewer actual rescues needed.
- Huntington Beach residents are psychotic, right-wing extremists who would punch a lifeguard trying to save them.
- Being a lifeguard is decent work for young people needing summer income, unlike working on ranches.
Huntington BeachCandace OwensBaywatch
- 1 min
Tim reads an ad for Keeps, joking with Ben about a friend who is thrilled to be keeping his hair, and gives the promo code for a free first month.
4moments
- Tim explains that the best way to prevent baldness is to keep the hair you have on your head.
- His friend using Keeps tells him constantly, "I have my fucking hair" and sounds happy about it.
- Keeps offers virtual doctor consultations, medications delivered to your door every three months, and 24/7 care support from medical advisors and specialists.
- Tim reads the offer: first month of treatment free at keeps.com/tim dillon.
- 2 min
Tim enthusiastically reads the Athletic Greens (AG1) sponsor copy, riffing with Ben about the free one-year vitamin D supply offer.
5moments
- Tim started taking Athletic Greens because he felt funk in a funk and wanted to see what the hype was about
- One scoop of AG1 provides 75 high-quality vitamins, minerals, superfoods, probiotics, and actigens to support gut health, nervous system, immune system, energy, recovery, focus, and aging
- Tim expresses amazement that this is actually something that works
- Athletic Greens is giving a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamins with first purchase
- The deal includes vitamin D and five free travel packs, redeemable at athleticgreens.com/tim dillon
- 13 min
Summer in America
#A long rant on record heat waves turning into an extended riff on what a broke American's summer really looks like: block-party street festivals, cocaine in the projects, sending kids to weird camps, and his own memories of doing drugs as a teenager instead of going to camp.
13moments
- Temperatures so hot it might be easier to just die than go to a beach or pool.
- Guy's car breaks down in Death Valley, California—he's dead.
- Tim argues against whining about summer; half the country will see 100-degree highs this week.
- After Famous Dave's barbecue, sweating in your car from heat makes indigestion feel like a coronary event.
- Street festivals: kids on bikes potentially robbing you, fireworks, drunk neighbors, and block parties with hot dogs.
- Local parades feature Vietnam veterans who committed atrocities, marching while everyone thanks them for their service.
- Poor-family summer: your white child dressed like a gang banger while you tell neighbors he's doing much better.
- Tim describes a daughter in Tampa with three kids at 24, a gas station job, stealing, cooking meth in the backyard with her brother.
- Send kids to camp—they come back trans from theater camp or talking about skull shapes and Jews from woods camp.
- Tim's greatest summer memories involved doing cocaine before it melted, sitting in project apartments with friends on dirty beds.
- Summer is about figuring out who you want to be; Tim did drugs with local children instead of going to camp.
- At 13 or 14, Tim decided he wanted to be a drug addict for the next 10 years until he was 25.
- Tim's dog memory: sharing an ice cream cone in the backyard, taking turns licking it on a hot summer day.
Death ValleyLong IslandTampaFamous Dave's barbecueNantucket
- 1 min
Bobby's Fireplace and Being Removed From the Show
#A quick bit where Tim jokes that Bobby is getting closer to being permanently removed from the show, then asks about a non-working fireplace in the studio.
2moments
- Tim says Bobby gets closer to being permanently removed from the show every day
- Bobby's fireplace used to work but doesn't anymore
- 1 min
Tim reads the MeUndies sponsor copy about staying cool and comfortable for summer plans like pride parades and beach vacations, with the discount code.
3moments
- Tim announces his love of underwear and Me Undies specifically.
- The main concern during summer activities: butt sweat and the need for breathable fabric to stay comfortable.
- Me Undies releases new prints regularly, including a limited-edition pride collection you can match with partners, friends, or your dog.
- 1 min
Tim describes Mud/Wtr as a low-caffeine coffee alternative with mushrooms and herbs, mentioning the new nighttime rest blend and the discount code.
4moments
- Mud Water is a coffee alternative with four adaptogenic mushrooms, ayurvedic herbs, and one-seventh the caffeine of a cup of coffee.
- Tim lists the ingredients and their purposes: cordyceps for physical performance, chaga and reishi for immune support, turmeric for soreness, cinnamon for antioxidants.
- Mud Water has launched their new evening ritual, a non-caffeinated tea that promotes relaxation and rest, because the best morning ritual starts the night before.
- Tim says the nighttime drink blend has been his favorite so far because it calms him down.
- 6 min
Tim reacts to a Postmates pride commercial about a 'bottom friendly' food menu meant to help with anal sex, riffing on niche kinks like blood play, watersports, and breath play that don't get their own menus, and complains that corporate pride marketing reduces gay people to sex jokes.
8moments
- Tim explains why corporations trying to be allies during Pride comes across as offensive: it fetishizes gay people rather than treating them with dignity.
- Burger King's top-and-bottom bun marketing is the kind of crass oversimplification that misses the actual diversity of gay sexuality.
- Tim catalogs sexual practices—blood play, bug chasing, watersports—that aren't represented on any corporate Pride menu, highlighting the absurdity of a one-size-fits-all approach.
- Postmates introduces a 'bottom friendly' menu developed with a proctologist to recommend foods for anal sex, centered around avoiding insoluble fiber.
- Tim argues that eating potatoes or anything normal followed by sex isn't actually a problem—worst case someone has an accident, which is just part of it.
- The core issue: this reduces gay people to sex and nothing else, something no corporation would dare do to other groups during their heritage months.
- Tim points out that if Postmates is making menus for specific sexual practices, where are the menus for every other identity and kink—trans, non-binary, BDSM, asphyxiation fetishists?
- Tim addresses the contradiction: these companies claim to support gay people while simultaneously being tone-deaf and reducing them to crude sexual stereotypes.
PostmatesBurger KingUber EatsDr. Evan Goldstein
- 1 min
Ordering Pizza and Wings
#A brief aside where Tim has Bobby order pizza, a calzone, and wings for everyone in the studio.
2moments
- Tim orders pizza, calzone, and wings for the group
- Tim references a bit about someone getting high in the air
- 7 min
Closeted Actors Playing Gay and Steve Will Do It
#Tim criticizes straight actors in shows like Heartstopper who refuse to disclose their sexuality while playing gay roles, contrasting it with the older gay rights ethos of honesty, then pivots into praising Steve Will Do It from Nelk as a miraculous, almost saintly figure who survives insane stunts and does charity.
11moments
- Tim criticizes actors in Netflix's Heartstopper refusing to disclose their sexuality publicly while claiming they want queer representation to be authentic.
- The irony of being asked not to reveal your sexuality, when that was historically the entire point of being gay.
- Tim finds it funny that straight actors playing gay roles are now trapped and afraid to openly say they're heterosexual.
- Just admit you're straight and willing to make out with men on camera for money—that would be more honest than the current deflection.
- Gay actors used to avoid playing gay roles; now it's fine and considered progressive, but don't lie about your sexuality in interviews.
- Multiple straight actors now playing gay characters are clearly trapped and unable to come out as straight without backlash on Twitter.
- These actors are terrified to say they're allies who simply want to work, which would be acceptable to normal people.
- Steve Will Do It from Nelk is a good man because he survived drinking bottles of Jack Daniel's and never died.
- Steve Will Do It performs feats doctors say should kill him, yet he's out launching products and giving crypto to poor people.
- Tim endorses Steve Will Do It's YouTube channels where he gambles in online casinos, calling it a great country.
- If you have cancer, Steve Will Do It might give you some Ethereum.
Steve WilkosNELKHeartstopper
- 3 min
Tim announces an August live podcast in West Hampton Beach with Ben and Ray Kump, claiming Jerry Seinfeld and Alec Baldwin as potential guests, and jokes with Ben about his mother-in-law's unauthorized merch featuring Tim's logo.
7moments
- Tim announces live podcast August 8th in West Hampton Beach, Long Island, featuring himself, Benjamin, and Ray Comp
- Jerry Seinfeld will be a guest, though Tim preemptively disclaims responsibility if he cancels last minute
- Alec Baldwin will also appear as a guest on the show
- Benjamin attempted to start his own merch line using his logo without permission, which Tim says prompted a call to the FBI
- Benjamin's mother-in-law actually made the bootleg merchandise item as a gift
- Tim compares Benjamin's unauthorized use of his name to potential trademark infringement that needs legal handling
- Tim threatens to sue Benjamin's entire family broadly to nip the merchandise theft in the bud immediately