Episode 290 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#290 - Let's Take A Beat | The Tim Dillon Show
Mar 6, 2022 · 1:14:56 · 490,000 views · 22 segments, 130 moments indexed
Tim finds a solution to the Russian and Ukrainian war and saves the Summer America desperately needs, and discusses why the most expensive house in Los Angeles finally sold.
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- 1 min
Han Dynasty Chinese Food Cold Open
#Tim and Ben discuss the Chinese food they just ate and their food preferences, joking that Tim only likes 'countries with tablecloths.'
2moments
- Tim and Ben open the show eating Han Dynasty Chinese food, which is spicy
- Ben ranks Thai food as his favorite, with Chinese and Japanese tied for second
- 7 min
HBO's The Gilded Age and Forced Diversity Storylines
#Tim critiques HBO's The Gilded Age, arguing a storyline where a wealthy old-money family instantly takes in a black woman feels historically implausible and forced for diversity's sake, while comparing it to the show's larger themes about class tribalism.
10moments
- HBO's The Gilded Age follows old money families in New York being displaced by new money, centered on a Vanderbilt-like railroad tycoon and his wife trying to break into high society.
- The show depicts how badly the Irish were treated, prompting Tim to note his podcast now covers the story of Irish slaves.
- HBO forces diversity storylines into the show, including a Black character who gets robbed, receives money from the maid, and is taken in by the wealthy family within two days.
- Tim points out the contradiction: the show wants viewers to believe America was horrifically racist while also showing an old money family immediately welcoming a Black woman into their home.
- He'd rather watch a show about a Black family experiencing what it was genuinely like in that era than this forced storyline that wouldn't realistically have happened.
- The entire show centers on one old money woman being terribly uncomfortable with her vulgar new money neighbor, yet this same woman takes in a Black girl in under 24 hours.
- The show is fundamentally about how people hate disruptions and change, with the protagonist hating different classes of white people with money—not about race at all.
- Nobody asked for this show; the creator made Downton Abbey successfully, but there was no demand for an American version set in Gilded Age New York.
- The forced diversity plot point suggests the Gilded Age wasn't actually that racist, or that old Fifth Avenue women weren't that bad, which undermines the show's premise.
- Tim argues you can't have it both ways: claim the country was horribly racist while showing an old woman love and immediately move in a Black woman she just met.
The Gilded AgeDownton AbbeyChristine Baranski
- 12 min
Ukraine War Overload and Putin's Motives
#Tim says he's overwhelmed by nonstop Ukraine war coverage, weighs whether Putin is a rational actor provoked by NATO expansion or a psychopath, and argues Americans shouldn't treat Putin or Kamala Harris as personal enemies while noting America's own imperial history.
17moments
- Tim describes the current media diet as an unhealthy steady stream of Ukraine war coverage.
- He questions how many buildings being shelled one should watch before having coffee.
- Twitter debate over whether Putin is a rational actor responding to NATO expansion or an erratic psychopath.
- Tim compares Putin's situation to the Iraq and Afghanistan occupations, noting how poorly those worked out long-term.
- Putin, in his 70s with rumored health issues, may be acting from legacy concerns and unwillingness to accept missiles near Russia.
- Tim uses a Succession reference: Putin thinks, what good are all these nukes if he can't act like he has them.
- Some Americans treat Putin's invasion like cheering for a sports team, which he finds strange.
- Tim asks whether it's possible to live without being in direct conflict with either Putin or Kamala Harris.
- Despite America's problems, it's still pound-for-pound better to live here than in Russia.
- Tim acknowledges the CIA has done bad things, but finds it odd to counter every Russian action by listing American ones.
- He critiques the reflex to defend Russia by whataboutism, like tweeting about the atomic bomb if Putin nuked Ukraine.
- Propaganda is definitely coming out of Ukraine, and dangerous propaganda could escalate the war through neocon warmongers.
- Tim doesn't need to fact-check every inspirational story from Ukraine—let people believe what they need to during a crisis.
- He draws the line when propaganda starts pushing for escalated U.S. involvement in the conflict.
- Example: a bombed orphanage that was actually a secondary school with four-to-seven-year-olds requires accurate reporting.
- If propaganda is being used to justify direct conflict with Russia, it should be rejected and that escalation kept off the table.
- A direct military conflict with Russia is off the table—that's non-negotiable.
CIAVladimir PutinUkraine warKamala HarrisIraq and AfghanistanRussiaSaudi ArabiaNATO
- 5 min
War Propaganda, Qanon, and Domestic Politics Fusing With Conspiracy
#He discusses skepticism toward Ukraine war propaganda like the 'Ghost of Kiev,' argues real conspiracy research got hijacked by Qanon and domestic partisan point-scoring, and says looking at issues through a 'beat my enemy' lens ruins honest thinking and creativity.
9moments
- Tim questions why Russians wouldn't want Zelensky assassinated, then corrects himself on the reported number of attempts.
- The conspiracy movement got fused with domestic politics through QAnon, transforming it from well-read historical inquiry into horse-race culture-war thinking.
- Outlandish QAnon narratives about cannibalism and witches may actually protect real human trafficking by making the subject too absurd to take seriously.
- Tim argues QAnon ultimately hurt legitimate concerns about human trafficking because it was always about winning against political enemies, not about facts.
- Framing war through the lens of Joe Biden versus Donald Trump or personal political victory severely limits how people analyze and understand events.
- People shouldn't immediately ask how information serves their goal of making their neighbor look stupid; that impulse kills humor, creativity, and good work.
- Partisan hacks make great livings shoveling propaganda, but that path destroys comedy and genuine analysis.
- Tim says he doesn't care what people think because he has enough money to quit and nobody's approval matters to his career decisions.
- He created the podcast anyway without concern for others' opinions, and barely cares what he himself thinks while making substantial money.
QAnonJeffrey EpsteinVolodymyr ZelenskyyChrissy Teigenhuman traffickingDonald TrumpJoe Biden
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Masterworks, pitching fractional investment in blue-chip art like Banksy and Picasso as an alternative asset outperforming the S&P 500.
3moments
- Tim pitches Blue Chip art as an overlooked alternative asset class, distinguishing it from NFTs and crypto.
- Art pieces outpaced the S&P 500 by 164% from 1995 to 2020, which is why the super rich spend millions on single paintings.
- Masterworks allows people without massive capital to invest in art by buying fractional ownership of multi-million-dollar paintings.
MasterworksPicassoBlue Chip artBanksy
- 1 min
Ad read for Lucy nicotine products, with Ben endorsing the lozenge flavors and Tim riffing on the brand name versus the old I Love Lucy show.
1moment
- Tim admits he stopped using Lucy nicotine entirely after it successfully weaned him off cigarettes and nicotine completely.
- 3 min
Tim reads a DoorDash ad promoting 25% off and free delivery with promo code Tim Dillon, riffing on how DoorDash lets you avoid people at the grocery store.
5moments
- Lucille Ball was kind of a racist, but that came out later
- Tim describes forgetting one key ingredient after a grocery trip and having to choose between going back or ordering delivery
- DoorDash saves you money with 25% off and zero delivery fees on first orders using code Tim Dylan
- You can cook a nice romantic dinner with your lover when groceries arrive instead of going to the store yourself
- Tim uses DoorDash because it's fun and easy, but people recognize him and tell him he's changed their lives, which gets annoying
DoorDashLucille BallI Love Lucy
- 3 min
Getting Tired of the Ukraine Narrative
#Tim says he's grown wary of both pro-Ukraine sloganeering and pro-Putin apologists online, mocks a small-town 'we stand with Ukraine' sign, and admits he's simply bored of the wall-to-wall war coverage.
5moments
- Tim argues that taking sides on Ukraine can get silly, using a hypothetical about nuclear strikes to illustrate how past mistakes don't help in present crises.
- He's already bored with the Ukraine narrative—it went from new and interesting to dull, with circular takes repeating endlessly.
- Tim expresses wariness of both sides: the triumphalist cheerleading for Zelenskyy and the opposite extreme of Putin apologism on television.
- A sign in Babylon declaring the town stands with Ukraine strikes him as hollow and cringe, highlighting the absurdity of performative solidarity.
- Tim says he's tired of the whole thing and doubts anyone actually took a poll before slapping up that town solidarity sign anyway.
- 2 min
Post-Pandemic Malaise Instead of a Creative Renaissance
#He laments that instead of a post-Covid creative boom we got dumb, plotless content, and recounts having a Ukrainian guest on the show and donating Bitcoin to him.
5moments
- Tim expected a creative renaissance after the pandemic instead of the current dumb, goofy films with no plots.
- He can't get into current war-mode storytelling and won't force himself to care like HBO is doing.
- Tim and a Ukrainian guest listened to David Bowie, drove over the 59th Street bridge, and had bagels together.
- Tim donated $5,000 in Bitcoin to the Ukrainian guest but received charred Russian bodies instead of what he actually wanted.
- The show's support for Ukraine on an ad-supported platform made a lot of money while accomplishing something heroic.
UkraineWe wish them well
- 8 min
Proposal to Lift Sanctions on Putin for a Cheap-Gas Summer
#Tim builds an elaborate bit arguing America should lift all sanctions on Russia until fall so gas prices drop and everyone can enjoy a normal summer after two years of Covid, using a Hamptons gas-cost calculation to make his case.
10moments
- Tim proposes lifting sanctions on Putin for the summer to keep gas prices down.
- What if we lifted sanctions on Putin as a show of good faith to get fuel prices lower?
- Calculation: 100 miles from New York City to the Hamptons at 18 mpg equals five gallons of gas at $4 per gallon, roughly $60 per trip.
- Tim asks whether people are willing to trade their summer for Ukraine.
- Proposal: lift all sanctions on Putin until the fall, then sanction him again.
- America didn't become the greatest country by taking care of other people.
- America's soft power is gone—no good movies, comedians just talk about being sad without jokes.
- Tim insists lifting sanctions on Putin is necessary for everyone to have a decent summer.
- The gas has to be cheap enough that people feel satisfied eating a burger with a summer breeze and don't feel too bad about the deal.
- The world will be uninhabitable in seven years anyway, so enjoy what you have now.
Vladimir PutinUkraineThe HamptonsAmerican cultural exportsMartha's Vineyard
- 2 min
Zelensky as Nazi-Fighting Hero Bit Setup
#Tim jokingly frames Zelensky as a hero for repelling Nazis via the Azov battalion and says he wants to call his friend Melanie to discuss it, setting up the call.
4moments
- Tim explains why he likes the scenario where Russia occupies Ukraine for 10-15 years: they'd sanction them in the fall, and the fall is amazing for weekend trips to the Burkers.
- Discussion of whether to release this as the main episode or save it for Patreon in six days, deciding to put it out as audio-only.
- Tim argues they should remove all sanctions on Putin and commend him for securing Ukraine from Nazis, citing Azov as the elite fighting force.
- Tim wants to call Melanie to weigh in because she summed up the Nazi situation brilliantly.
Vladimir PutinAzov
- 2 min
Tim calls Melanie, who agrees the Azov fighters are actually Nazis-adjacent, discusses Russia's natural gas leverage over Europe, and jokes darkly about sneaking a bomb to end the war and blaming Russia.
5moments
- Tim asks Melanie whether Ukrainians are kind of Nazis and white supremacists that everyone suddenly loves.
- Melanie points out that one of the guys Zelensky shakes hands with is a total Nazi, and people forget about it.
- Tim explains Putin controls almost 30% of Europe's natural gas market, exporting mostly to Germany, which is why countries won't fully support Ukraine.
- Melanie says she's not into going to nuclear war for Ukraine.
- Tim jokes that gas will hit $7 a gallon nationally and $10 in California before America sneaks a bomb into Ukraine and blames the Russians for it.
- 2 min
Tim continues the bit about prioritizing a good summer over the war, questioning how much lifestyle sacrifice people are really willing to make, then transitions into the Keeps ad.
2moments
- Tim argues moral clarity is important and rare, but the real priority should be keeping summer fun after missing it last year due to COVID.
- The actual challenge is deciding how much of your lifestyle you're willing to sacrifice for causes.
- 3 min
An extended, graphic comedic riff imagining fans sexually worshipping President Zelensky because of his heroism, tied into a Bird Dog apparel ad read.
5moments
- Tim pitches Keeps hair loss treatment with a miracle comparison.
- Zelensky blowjob bit: Americans want to perform sex acts on the Ukrainian president.
- Bird Dogs shorts enable the fantasy because they have built-in underwear and no need to drop pants.
- Zelensky fucks back with intense aggression after receiving oral sex, destroying the recipient.
- Tim concludes the bit with the recipient begging Zelensky as a hero never to stop.
- 3 min
Tim continues the graphic Zelensky fantasy bit, including his wife riding Zelensky Russian-roulette style, before delivering the Bird Dogs promo code call to action.
5moments
- Tim explains what bird dogs are and why he likes them so much.
- Bird dogs have cool designs with built-in underwear on the inside of the pants.
- Tim riffs on the fantasy that his wife would prefer President Zelensky and describes an increasingly absurd scenario involving her, Zelensky, and Russian roulette.
- Promo code Tim Dylan at birddog.com gets you a free bird dogs whistle football with your purchase.
- Tim notes the free football is something his dog Gracie actually likes.
- 2 min
Bitcoin Conference Guest Booking Woes
#Tim discusses whether he'll attend the Bitcoin convention again, wanting a big-name guest like Caitlyn Jenner or Logan Paul, and recalls last year's underwhelming Winklevoss twins and Jake Paul appearances.
6moments
- Tim negotiating with Bitcoin conference organizers over payment, uncertain whether to attend without major celebrity guests
- Caitlyn Jenner was his target get, ideally alongside Logan Paul
- Kid named clementy on Twitter is smart about Bitcoin but Tim doesn't consider him enough draw
- Tim fantasizes about booking Putin or Zelenskyy to make the conference worth appearing on
- Last year's conference featured Winklevoss twins who said barely anything and Jake Paul talking about killing Dana White
- They're pushing a comedy tent format at the conference but Tim doesn't want to do standup
Caitlyn JennerJake PaulLogan PaulVladimir PutinWinklevoss twinsVolodymyr ZelenskyyBitcoin conferenceDana White
- 3 min
Tim reads from an LA Times article about the developer of the massive LA mansion 'The One,' who took a $90 million subprime loan from Westlake Financial and planned celebrity boxing and hologram concerts to make money instead of selling.
4moments
- Tim recommends subscribing to major newspapers including the New York Times, LA Times, Wall Street Journal, Miami Herald, Chicago Tribune, and Boston Globe.
- The developer of 'The One' mega-mansion took a $90 million subprime loan from Westlake Financial, a hard money lender, to build the 100,000 square-foot house.
- Unable to sell the property, the billionaire developer proposed holding celebrity boxing events and hologram performances of Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston to generate income instead of flipping the house.
- Tim notes the absurdity of building something this massive and expensive while expecting to sell it for profit.
Westlake FinancialBoston GlobeLA TimesNew York TimesWall Street JournalChicago TribuneCleveland Plain Dealermega mansion+1 more
- 5 min
Tim details the auction sale price, comparisons to other record home sales, and jokes about hoping Putin or another oligarch is the mystery buyer given sanctions are scaring off Russian bidders.
10moments
- The One sold for $126 million at bankruptcy auction — a huge discount from the $295 million listing price.
- It set a record for the costliest house sold at auction, but fell short of California's sales record and the U.S. residence record.
- Tim hopes the undisclosed buyer is Putin, joking that Russian billionaires were the best bet but are pulling out due to sanctions.
- Roman Abramovich shouldn't be blamed for having to sell Chelsea Football Club; it's not his fault Putin went crazy.
- The buyer got people willing to pay $50,000 a day for commercials and films — which is not a good deal and won't recoup the investment quickly.
- Don Hanky, a billionaire subprime lender with an office in the Valley, is the largest creditor and lent $106 million to developer Nile Niami for the project.
- Nile Niami is a billionaire former film producer turned real estate developer with a net worth of $6 billion, now fighting with Hanky over the house.
- Don Hanky, worth $5.5 billion, is an old-school hard money lender — two billionaires fighting over this property.
- The house itself is heinous and ugly — especially grotesque even by L.A. standards, a big waste of money with no real aesthetic appeal.
- It was listed for $295 million and was supposed to be the most expensive home in America, only appealing to oligarchs and billionaire eccentrics.
Don HankyRoman AbramovichWestlake FinancialRussian oligarchsKen GriffinNile NaamiBel Air real estateMark Andre
- 4 min
Tim digs into the biographies of lender Don Hanky and developer Nile Niami, portraying Hanky as an unglamorous 'used car salesman' billionaire who got stiffed by the Hollywood-adjacent Niami, and speculates on who the mystery buyer of the mansion might be.
8moments
- Tim roots for Don Hanky the hard money lender over billionaire Nile Niami despite Hanky's rough appearance.
- No matter how much money Don Hanky has, society treats him like scum—he carries the permanent stink of used cars.
- Don Hanky got swindled into lending money to Nile, a Hollywood playboy real estate developer and film producer.
- Even as a billionaire, Hanky isn't welcome in country clubs or high society—they just don't want him anywhere.
- The mansion was expected to hit the market at $500 million when first built; they were mentally ill.
- Tim speculates the buyer will be either a Saudi, Qatari, UAE national, or someone from China, not a Russian oligarch.
- Wealthy foreign buyers hide their identity behind offshore company names unless they specifically want public recognition.
- David Dobrik is currently embedded fighting with the Azov Nazi Ukrainian battalion against the Russians.
Don HankyDavid DobrikWestlake Financial ServicesNancy Pelosi
- 5 min
Sanctions Seasonal Schedule and David Dobrik Fighting in Ukraine
#Tim proposes a bizarre compromise of only sanctioning Russia in January and February each year, praises YouTuber David Dobrik for fighting alongside the Azov battalion, and Melanie briefly weighs back in before the call ends.
10moments
- Tim proposes lifting all sanctions on Russia until September, then reassessing if Putin can steamroll Ukraine by Labor Day.
- Concern about gas prices pushes back against full sympathy for Ukraine, framed as not throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
- Guest suggests seasonal sanctions instead—temporary relief followed by resumption of conflict in high season.
- Fall is too nice for sanctions because of wineries and bed-and-breakfasts leading into ski season.
- Tim settles on January and February sanctions every year until Russia leaves Ukraine, avoiding Christmas disruption.
- If sanctions lift, America needs to negotiate a really good deal with Russia for cheap oil.
- Tim shifts to arguing self-determination matters and society needs to enjoy more and bicker less instead of obsessing over the war.
- Remove all sanctions, get cheap gas, and ignore the war—blast Kid Rock loud enough and you can't hear Kyiv being shelled over the summer.
- Tim proposes giving it a year, taking a beat, and revisiting the war in January next year.
- People are upset because Tim claims he's solved the Ukraine war situation.
Yes or yesUkraineVladimir Putin
- 1 min
Tim runs down upcoming tour stops including Nashville, Jacksonville, Charlotte, New Orleans, Dallas, Houston, Cleveland, and Cincinnati, and mentions filming a special in March.
2moments
- Tim notes that people criticize him for being an uncomfortable comedian tackling world issues, asking if they'd prefer he leave it to Congress instead.
- Tim announces an 11-month pause.
- 1 min
Closing Riff: Let's Take a Beat and Enjoy the Summer
#Tim closes by reiterating his 'solved' proposal to pause the war conflict for a year and enjoy life, framing it as the episode's title and a final statement on enjoying spoils despite a morally compromised world.
2moments
- Tim argues that if we're going to live in a morally compromised hellscape built on blood and bones, we might as well enjoy the spoils and have fun
- Thanks for listening