rant · moment 12 of 24
Imagining the Malibu Community Meeting Speech
from #267 - The D'Amelio Variant | The Tim Dillon Show · #267
5 min
Tim imagines himself giving an emotional speech at a Malibu public safety meeting, then recounts his own brief homelessness in Venice Beach as a drug-addicted young man kicked out by his parents.
- Tim imagines himself at a Malibu community meeting about public safety and machete attacks.
- Opening the speech with vague familiarity: "Many of you know me, I've lived in the community for years."
- "Malibu is a special place" — getting emotional while staring at the crowd.
- Tim announces his anger: "I'm sorry but I'm fucking mad" about freaks with machetes cutting out people's eyes.
- Drawing the line against eye-cutting and declaring himself a good person.
- Tim pivots to a personal story: a weekend homeless in the early '90s after his parents kicked him out of their Montecito home for acting erratically.
- Sleeping in his car by Venice Beach as a white drug addict — and getting oral sex instead of eye trauma.
- Stealing a fish taco from a local bar and receiving community kindness rather than police involvement.
- After taking strong acid the next day, he knocked over a porta potty thinking it was a robot, but still no machete attack.
- Returning home to his parents and promising to do his own drugs and eventually attend Yale instead of being a weird artist.