Episode 266 · The Ben Avery Era
#266 - Lightfoot Strikes Twice | The Tim Dillon Show
Aug 29, 2021 · 1:15:42 · 505,000 views · 13 segments, 106 moments indexed
Tim discovers a scathing Yelp review from Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot, talks about a moment when you will accept your own death, Spike Lee re-editing his documentary about 9/11, and goes full motivational mode in this weeks episode.
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- 3 min
Discovering Lori Lightfoot's Yelp Profile
#Tim and Ben introduce Lori Lightfoot's old Yelp profile, marveling at her personality quirks, blank stares, race and gender card usage, feuds with a city council member over a Burger King, and how she rose to become mayor of Chicago.
9moments
- Tim opens the show from Chicago, mentions discovering Lori Lightfoot's Yelp profile with Ben
- Everything Lori Lightfoot does fascinates Tim—her wardrobe, expressions, raspy voice, and blank stare at reporters
- She constantly invokes the race card, gay sexuality card, and misogyny card in disputes
- Her local feuds included fighting with a disgraced city council member over a Burger King renovation
- Tim marvels that someone like Lightfoot managed to become mayor of an actual major city
- The Yelp profile is from before she was mayor, sent in by a listener
- Lightfoot worked in private legal practice and held various government positions, including on the Chicago Police Board
- Police stationed outside Lightfoot's house look like they wouldn't intervene if someone ran inside with a gun
- Tim reveals he's never written a Yelp review in his life, unlike Lightfoot who apparently has
- 3 min
On the Type of Person Who Writes Yelp Reviews
#Tim goes on a tangent about people who obsessively write Yelp reviews, arguing no one does it to genuinely help strangers but rather to shame and punish businesses, drawing on his own experience as a tour guide getting reviewed on Trip Advisor.
6moments
- Tim describes Yelp reviewers as people who think warning others about calamari or minestrone soup is virtuous work.
- He performed at a comedy show for elite Yelpers — the worst audience imaginable, judgmental people examining glassware.
- Criticism has a legitimate history in theater and film, but being a Yelper isn't a real job.
- Nobody writes Yelp reviews to help strangers; that's a lie Yelpers tell themselves.
- The actual motivation is to shame and punish, because reviewers know companies read these posts.
- The idea that Lori Lightfoot is a Yelper is beautiful.
Lori LightfootYelpLa AbandonzaMatteo's
- 7 min
Lori Lightfoot vs. VIP Limousine: The Carlos Incident
#Ben reads Lori Lightfoot's furious one-star Yelp review accusing limo driver Carlos of pissing on her toilet, being a bad navigator, and being sexist about phone numbers, all written before she became mayor.
10moments
- Lori Lightfoot worked on the police accountability task force, so she knows accountability.
- In August 2017, Lightfoot left a one-star Yelp review of VIP Limousine in Chicago after going out with her wife.
- Lightfoot's review: driver Carlos showed up early, then wanted to use their bathroom and pissed all over the toilet.
- Carlos drove the stretch Cadillac Escalade down narrow neighborhood streets using a GPS that made no sense, and Lightfoot had to give him directions.
- Carlos asked for a gentleman's phone number instead of Lightfoot's, explaining that girls take too many pictures and run down their phone batteries.
- When Lightfoot questioned his reasoning, Carlos rudely closed the window divider while she was talking.
- VIP Limousine's response: their camera footage shows Carlos never entered the home—one of her many guests could have used the bathroom.
- The company explains drivers ask for a gentleman's number to avoid seeming inappropriate requesting a lady's contact information.
- VIP Limousine calls Lightfoot sexist, notes her credit card was declining during payment, and points out she received a free vehicle upgrade worth twice what she paid.
- The company concludes: Carlos arrived early, got her to the event on time and safely, and tells Lightfoot to appreciate great service when she receives it.
Lori LightfootVIP LimousineCarlosUnited Center
- 3 min
VIP Limousine's Brutal Rebuttal to Lightfoot
#The limo company's blistering response is read aloud, revealing that Lightfoot allegedly lied about the driver entering her house, had a declining credit card, and got a free upgrade, catching her in an apparent fabrication.
9moments
- Tim describes Lori Lightfoot's expressionless face reading the limo company's response.
- Lightfoot made up that the driver went into her house and urinated on her seat.
- The limo company caught her in a lie immediately, which is why they responded with such venom.
- VIP Limousine's statement was delivered with more confidence and harshness than any corporate correction Tim has ever seen.
- Tim catalogs Lightfoot's character: a bureaucrat who is pushy, rude, demanding, likes getting people in trouble, and won't be held accountable for her own behavior.
- Tim says he loves her and feels gratitude that she exists because she provides entertainment value as the world deteriorates.
- If Tim actually lived in Chicago dealing with the city's homicide rates, he might find her less humorous, but since he doesn't, she's just entertaining.
- Lightfoot has no conscience—she'll lie about a limo driver to get him fired and can dance on camera while people are being shot.
- Her lack of conscience is what allows Lori Lightfoot to dance while people are getting shot in Chicago.
- 5 min
Lightfoot as a Trump-like Sociopath and Climate Doom
#Tim expands the Lightfoot bit into a theory that corrupt leaders like her and Trump share a conscienceless, reality-detached personality type that helps them succeed, then pivots into predictions that the West Coast and South will become uninhabitable due to climate change.
8moments
- Lightfoot dances while children are getting shot in the face—a true villain embodying all the personality types society wants to avoid.
- Lightfoot shares Trump qualities: a petty, vindictive chief executive who refuses to take blame and lives disconnected from reality.
- Reality is not fun, and Tim illustrates this with how Trump would have written Yelp reviews—credit card declining, same complaints.
- Leaders like Lightfoot and Trump succeed because they have a god complex and throw anyone not worshiping them under the bus.
- Lightfoot wears baggy pants so long she walks on them, which Tim identifies as classic villain behavior and trolling.
- She's living in a world where the pants fit and the shootings are turning a corner—disconnected from reality, just like Trump became president.
- Reality is an obstacle to what these people want to do, and it's not going to get better—people now wearing N95 masks on the West Coast from wildfire smoke.
- By around 2080, the West Coast and parts of the South will become uninhabitable due to climate; people will migrate to Wisconsin, the Northeast, Montana, and Canada.
- 11 min
Leaving Austin, Turning 36, and Earning the Right to Not Be Adaptable
#Tim reflects on moving out of Austin, Texas, ties it to turning 36 and knowing who you are, describes cutting off a visiting friend after an hour, and riffs on COVID vaccine side effects, Biden's presidency, and not liking Ethiopian food, all under a philosophy of refusing to be "adaptable."
12moments
- Tim is leaving Austin, Texas soon after movers took out his furniture.
- A biblical snowstorm knocked out power when he first arrived in February—a sign he should have heeded.
- At 36 years old, you don't have your whole life ahead of you and must know what you like and can tolerate.
- By 36, you should know your sexuality, gender, what makes you come, what movies you like—if you don't know, you're probably insane.
- Tim pulled over and kicked out a younger person who flew in from Miami after less than an hour because he didn't like them.
- He's not adaptable and has earned the right to not be adaptable—calling someone adaptable is an insult.
- Laying in bed with COVID after being vaccinated; the vaccine's promises have steadily lowered with each passing week.
- Biden's presidency hasn't been inspiring—a dementia patient in a flesh suit delivering remarks after servicemen were killed.
- At 36, Tim has earned the right to dislike things like Ethiopian food without needing to prove he's not racist.
- Austin is schizophrenic—a collision of the worst red state morons and the worst liberals, full of wide-eyed people with big dreams like Brooklyn in 2012.
- Tim himself was once wide-eyed, believing standup comedy was medicine that would save everyone; it doesn't work that way.
- Austin will become nothing but a fucking LA that smells like pork chops, and dreams eventually hang you from a tree.
AustinBiden presidencyLori LightfootvaccinesAfghanistan withdrawalBrooklyn
- 2 min
Tim reads ad copy for BlueChew erectile dysfunction chews, riffs briefly on incest being "the final taboo," then reads copy for Keeps hair loss treatment.
2moments
- Tim argues that BlueChew is essential to have around for friends and family, then pivots to defending incest as the final taboo.
- Prevention is key for hair loss, and Tim vouches for a friend who's had success with Keeps after four to six months of treatment.
- 14 min
Spike Lee's Censored 9/11 Documentary and Gaslighting on Building 7
#Tim and Ben discuss Spike Lee's HBO 9/11 documentary that originally included 9/11 truther group Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth, how HBO quietly cut 30 minutes after a New York Times backlash, and Tim argues asking questions about Building 7 shouldn't be treated as gaslit insanity; includes a phone cameo from podcaster Jessa Reed and a riff on Woody Harrelson and Charlie Sheen's shelved 9/11 truther movie.
12moments
- Spike Lee's HBO 9/11 documentary was supposed to include architects and engineers skeptical of the official narrative.
- Spike explains his reasoning: steel doesn't melt at fire temperatures, and Building 7's collapse resembles controlled demolitions.
- Tim on gaslighting: asking rational questions about Building 7 gets you lumped in with vaccine skeptics and moon landing deniers.
- The broader 9/11 narrative is strange—15 Saudi hijackers seamlessly attacked the world's biggest military power, which then invaded Iraq and Afghanistan.
- The 9/11 Commission chair said they were set up to fail, lacked resources and information, and the president would only testify with the vice president present.
- Why can't we ask questions? When people shut down questions, you can't get to answers—that's how great art works.
- HBO cut 30 minutes from the final episode after media pressure, excising all segments featuring the conspiracy group.
- An 8-hour documentary about 9/11 with no mention of conspiracy theories is just useless.
- Tim's actual position: he doesn't believe anyone possesses all relevant knowledge about 9/11, including most conservatives he knows.
- Woody Harrelson and Charlie Sheen were supposed to make a movie called September Morn questioning 9/11's official narrative, but it never materialized.
- That movie probably would have hurt the truther movement—Charlie Sheen and Woody Harrelson starring in it is almost a CIA operation.
- Tim compares a Charlie Sheen truther film to Lori Lightfoot doing pro-vaccine PSAs—counterproductive messenger defeats the message.
Jessa ReidSpike LeeArchitects and Engineers for 9/11 TruthLori LightfootAwakeningCharlie Sheen9/11 conspiracy theoriesAlex Jones+3 more
- 4 min
Personal Code of Ethics vs. Nihilism
#Tim argues that once you realize nothing really matters, you either adopt a strict personal code of ethics or join a death cult, citing Trump's callousness about the Indian earthquake and comparing sociopathic impulsivity in Lightfoot and Trump.
6moments
- Realizing nothing matters leaves two paths: develop a strict personal code of ethics, or join a death cult with no real middle ground.
- Trump's quote about not worrying since 400 people dying in an Indian earthquake won't change your day reflects how successful sociopaths operate without thinking about consequences.
- Lori Lightfoot's impulsive recklessness firing someone over false bathroom accusations, without checking car cameras that could have proven his innocence, shows poor self-preservation.
- Tim speculates about Spike Lee's lost documentary footage, hoping it was so offensive HBO pulled it for content unrelated to 9/11.
- The unedited Spike Lee material might just be him ranting about flat earth, which would have nothing to do with the documentary's subject matter.
- Private citizens' internet activity—browsing, searches, tweets, watch history—is now permanently collected and aggregated by third parties, a privacy concern once limited to celebrities.
Lori LightfootDonald TrumpSpike LeeKurt VonnegutLouis FarrakhanHBOJoe KennedyRed Scare+1 more
- 2 min
Tim reads sponsor copy for ExpressVPN about data privacy and IP masking, then reads copy for BetterHelp online therapy service.
2moments
- Tim explains how ExpressVPN masks your IP address and makes you harder to track through data harvesting.
- BetterHelp matches you with a licensed therapist and lets you start communicating within 48 hours.
- 4 min
Having COVID at 36 and Valuing Existence
#Tim describes lying in bed with a mild COVID case and realizing many people never truly 'exist' as themselves, arguing people should stop pretending things make sense when they don't and commit to real beliefs.
9moments
- Having COVID at 36 made him realize he could die, which revealed the value of existing.
- Many people on the planet don't actually exist—they don't allow themselves to be who they could be.
- Stop pretending to like things you don't, stop adapting, and say when something doesn't make sense to you.
- You could drop dead tomorrow, so would you want to be remembered as a defined person with actual beliefs?
- Tim asks who you respect more: your aunt on another diet every week or a fat person eating a hot dog.
- Who do you respect more—your friend who read about politics 16 minutes ago and became an expert, or the Taliban?
- Someone trying to be liked by everybody versus Lori Lightfoot, a demon sent from hell.
- There's nothing worse than somebody who's wishy-washy, though changing your mind is fine.
- People don't realize it's not a right and wrong paradigm anymore—it's reality versus whatever planet you're on.
- 8 min
Beacon Theater Sellout and Refusing to Be Sentimental
#Tim announces upcoming UK shows and a near-sold-out Beacon Theater show in New York, insists he won't get emotional or thank fans for a fake sense of togetherness, and imagines himself eventually going out by brandishing a gun in a diner.
10moments
- The Beacon Theater in New York City is almost sold out.
- His only interest is making people laugh and occasionally think, not offering vague motivational statements that might inspire someone to commit violence.
- It is cool to have gone from starting comedy eleven years ago in a Long Island coffee house to selling out the Beacon Theater.
- Tim refuses to thank the audience because they had nothing to do with it—only Ben did; the relationship is transactional, not a shared journey.
- The interaction should make sense: audience gives money, Tim gives content, everyone moves on, maybe they meet in real life.
- There will be no emotional moment during the show where Tim expresses gratitude.
- In a few years he will inevitably end up brandishing a gun in a diner, so it would be ridiculous to get emotional at the Beacon and tell everyone he loves them.
- Social media personalities claim audiences built something with them, but Tim's audience listens because they're fed up with that false intimacy.
- Tim wishes the Beacon Theater was located somewhere other than New York so the Upper West Side crowd would have to travel, and he jokes about confronting them in a diner with a gun.
- Tim describes a dark fantasy ending: walking into a diner where audiences are discussing his work, grabbing their hand with a gun, claiming they built it together, then shooting himself into their food.
- 9 min
The Chaos Is the Point
#Tim closes with a theory that societal and political chaos (Lightfoot, Afghanistan, 9/11 narratives) is engineered to be confusing on purpose so people give up trying to understand it, comparing the feeling to enduring plane turbulence and finding peace only in petty personal vindications like the Lightfoot limo saga.
11moments
- Tim on the inevitable decay of minds and bodies, and that all we're building together is death.
- New York's mayor Bill de Blasio isn't cartoonish in a funny way like Lori Lightfoot—he's just stupid and embarrassing.
- Two basic types of people in the world: the limo driver getting yelped about or the liar yelping about the limo driver.
- Tim on 9/11 documentaries: if you won't include skepticism of the official narrative, it's just trauma porn of people jumping out of buildings.
- The chaos is the point—confusion and panic are intentional, designed to make people stop trying to understand.
- People's insane behavior is intentional, like how teenagers act out to be thrown by their own mood swings and identities.
- Media sells chaos like a TV show with season premieres and reveals, but if things made sense, many powerful people would be on death row.
- For the world to keep going, things actually can't ever make sense again—that's the biggest threat to those in power.
- Tim compares the current state to extreme turbulence on a plane: people eventually give up trying to understand and resign themselves to whatever happens.
- On a crashing plane, the only thing you'll be happy you did is call out liars who entered your house—everything else is meaningless.
- The chaos is the point, but every now and then you can break through it.