Episode 252 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#252 - The Summer Of No Opinions | The Tim Dillon Show
May 16, 2021 · 1:10:33 · 602,000 views · 27 segments, 149 moments indexed
Tim explains how to make it through this beautiful summer happy and healthy, shows appreciation for Courtney Stodden as she goes up against Chrissy Teigen, weighs in on the Tony Hinchcliffe controversy, John Mulaney's separation, Prince…
Watch on YouTubeDiscuss on Reddit
- 1 min
Cold Open: Nobody Wants to Work Anymore
#Tim opens ranting that stimulus checks have made Americans lazy and unwilling to work, setting up his ongoing gripe with producer Ben Avery who won't show up to work.
3moments
- People do not want to work anymore because of the stimulus.
- Ben Avery decided he's part of a labor movement and won't show up to work.
- Tim talks to business owners across the country who say they cannot get anyone to work.
Ben Averystimulus
- 1 min
Ben Avery Wants to Be Paid in Real Money
#Ben Avery complains he needs actual money instead of Safemoon crypto, and Tim mocks him, insisting he's building an infrastructure and should be grateful for the opportunity.
5moments
- Ben demands to be paid in real money instead of Safemoon because he has bills and a wife.
- Tim claims the show barely makes money and he can't afford to pay Ben while staying afloat.
- Ben counters that his landlord doesn't accept Safemoon as payment.
- Tim pitches the opportunity to build infrastructure before sitting behind the big microphone someday.
- Tim defends Safemoon as fun but offers to work Ben up through different cryptocurrencies.
Safe MoonEthereum
- 3 min
Paul Brown, the Self-Made CEO of Arby's
#Tim does a deep dive into Arby's CEO Paul Brown's career path through McKinsey, Hilton, Expedia and Intercontinental, using it as proof that fast food workers just need to hustle harder, including the origin of the "We Have The Meats" campaign.
7moments
- Fast food jobs at Arby's and Hardee's are actually good jobs people should want.
- Tim calculates minimum wage earnings: $7.25/hour adds up to about $15,000 a year.
- Workers don't understand that fast food is a starting point—the goal is to become CEO of Arby's.
- Paul Brown is the current CEO of Arby's; Tim assumes he started flipping burgers there.
- Brown's actual resume includes president roles at Hilton and Expedia, plus McKinsey and Boston Consulting Group.
- Tim clarifies that this proves you can work your way up from Arby's to the top.
- Brown became CEO in May 2013 and is responsible for the 'We Have the Meats' campaign.
Paul BrownMcKinseyExpediaHiltonIntercontinental HotelsArby'sBoston Consulting GroupHardee's
- 1 min
Arby's Acquisitions: Buffalo Wild Wings, Sonic, Jimmy John's
#Continuing the Paul Brown bit, Tim runs through Inspire Brands' billion-dollar acquisitions and argues fast food workers lack vision compared to executives.
5moments
- Arby's CEO came up with the 'We Have the Meats' campaign to communicate that they actually have meat
- He introduced menu items like smokehouse brisket, pork belly gyros, deep fried turkey, and venison
- Inspire Brands completed acquisition of Buffalo Wild Wings for 2.9 billion in 2018
- Under Brown's leadership, Inspire acquired Sonic for 2.3 billion
- This executive is responsible for a significant portion of the fast food people eat
Arby'sBuffalo Wild WingsJimmy JohnsSonicInspire Brands
- 3 min
Trying to Figure Out What Fast Food Chain Has "The Monster" Burger
#Tim and Ben try to recall which chain (Checkers, Rally's, Carl's Jr) has a new burger called something like "the monster," then decide to prank call Arby's to see if they're hiring.
7moments
- Arby's employees lack vision and focus on problems instead of market positioning and innovation.
- Tim argues "We Have the Meats" is the kind of brilliant branding strategy that actually matters.
- Paul Brown invented deep-fried turkey at Arby's and shouldn't have to share his profits with lazy parents.
- Arby's earned a Fortune 100 Best Workplaces award but apparently won't claim it as a good place for white men.
- Tim wants to investigate what Hardee's CEO is doing and look into Hardee's as a company.
- Checkers or Rallies recently introduced a burger called "The Monster" that Tim saw in Florida.
- Tim proposes calling Arby's directly to ask if they're hiring.
- 2 min
Nobody Answers the Phone at Arby's
#Tim calls Arby's and Inspire Brands looking for Paul Brown but nobody picks up, which he uses as further proof that workers are shirking their jobs.
5moments
- Tim calls Arby's during lunch rush to ask about apprenticeship programs where he might work for free to learn the business.
- Nobody answers at Arby's despite it being the lunch rush at 12:30 PM, which Tim attributes to everyone being dead or too busy learning about business.
- Tim suggests calling Inspire Brands to ask for Paul, presumably a corporate executive who might explain why restaurant staff won't pick up phones but want to get paid.
- He switches to calling Sonic and wants to know the starting salary and why nobody answers their phone during operating hours.
- Sonic's tagline about it being a fun place to work where you get to see fights doesn't help—nobody picks up there either.
- 6 min
Tim calls Sonic and gets a real employee on the phone, asking about cashier and cook pay ($5/hr plus tips, $11/hr for cooks) and whether he can eat free food, then uses the absurd math to mock complaints about low wages.
10moments
- Tim calls Sonic to ask about starting wages for a cook position.
- Cashiers earn five dollars an hour but receive tips to supplement.
- Tim asks if he can eat and drink anything at Sonic while working there.
- The manager explains Tim would need to ration free food—ice cream one day, burger another—to avoid abusing the policy.
- Tim probes whether cooks can take home a good amount of food and mentions having young children who need burgers.
- Tim calculates what five dollars an hour actually amounts to annually and questions what the problem is with the arrangement.
- He notes that Sonic doesn't even suggest customers should tip, making the tip income model questionable.
- Tim estimates a Sonic cashier probably makes around twenty-five dollars in tips per shift.
- After doing the math—tips, hourly wage, free food, and burgers for babies—he concludes it adds up to roughly fifteen thousand eight hundred fifty dollars a year.
- Tim wraps up his critique by mocking people for complaining when cashiers get free sodas and occasional ice cream on top of their wages.
- 3 min
Doing the Math on Sonic Wages and Tips
#Tim calculates a Sonic worker's yearly income including tips (landing around $15,850) and sarcastically declares this generous given the free soda and ice cream perks.
8moments
- Tim challenges an employee for complaining about wages while never having paid for a meal.
- Tim claims the favors he's done for people in his life are unimaginable.
- Sonic cashiers make $1,500 a year at $5/hour plus untaxed tips in cash.
- The CEO of Sonic, Arby's, and Buffalo Wild Wings started as a fry cook and worked his way up.
- Tim argues workers should be grateful to work for a company called Inspire Brands.
- Cookie makers make $11 an hour, cashiers make $5, funded by tip boxes where customers leave change.
- Tim claims the idea that fast food workers aren't treated fairly in this country is insane.
- Paul Brown's supposed net worth of $5.34 million is dismissed as an absolute lie.
Inspire BrandsPaul BrownMcKinsey and CompanyHiltonArby'sSonicfast food worker payIntercontinental Hotels+1 more
- 1 min
Paul Brown's Suspiciously Small Net Worth
#Tim looks up Paul Brown's reported $5.34 million net worth and Inspire Brands' $27 billion in sales, sarcastically declaring the CEO is barely scraping by.
2moments
- Tim notes Paul Brown paid $260 million for Inspire despite the company generating $27 billion in global sales.
- Tim wonders where Paul Brown's house is, unable to find details about his property.
- 1 min
Wrap-up: The Sonic/Arby's Bit
#Short closing beat wrapping the fair-wages bit before moving to ads.
1moment
- Tim admits they don't understand the problem with the bit
ladies and gentlemen
- 1 min
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Bespoke Post's Box of Awesome subscription box service, describing the quiz-based curation and discount code.
4moments
- Tim explains Box of Awesome: $45 box contains $70 worth of gear, free to sign up, can skip months or cancel anytime.
- Box includes outdoorsy gear, booze accessories, grooming products, cooking tools—curated surprises better than mall shopping.
- Tim pitches the quiz at boxofawesome.com to help curate your personalized box with new categories released monthly.
- He received his own Bespoke Post box and loves it—the quiz helps curate selections while still surprising you with cool stuff.
- 8 min
Chrissy Teigen, Courtney Stodden, and the "Reality" Music Video
#Tim covers the Chrissy Teigen/Courtney Stodden cyberbullying scandal, recounts Stodden's history marrying an older actor at 16, and then plays and absurdly over-analyzes Stodden's music video "Reality" as high art, contrasting it with Teigen's lack of talent.
14moments
- Chrissy Teigen attacked online, and Tim notes she looks different every time he sees her.
- Courtney Stodden accused Teigen of telling her to kill herself publicly and privately.
- Teigen's apology: she was an insecure troll and feels ashamed of how she made Stodden feel.
- Tim dismisses Teigen's claims of hard work by pointing out she just slapped her name on cookware.
- Courtney Stodden married Doug Hutchinson, the villain from The Green Mile, when she was 16 with parental permission.
- They had a reality show about being married when she was 16, then appeared on couples therapy.
- Tim introduces Stodden's 2013 song 'Reality' as evidence of genuine talent people overlook.
- The music video features a handsome man and Stodden urges fast-food workers to take risks and become geniuses.
- Tim argues Stodden is a gift, comparing her talent to Mozart and marveling at her skill.
- The video explores colonialism and decolonization through its imagery of candy and cocktails.
- Why would Teigen attack a woman creating such brilliant art, while Teigen herself has zero talent and skills.
- Teigen is threatened by Stodden because they have the same level of talent—neither has any.
- The music video ends with Stodden saying 'Free Palestine,' addressing deep themes present throughout.
- Tim hopes talented people like Stodden and Teigen will get along, then shifts to Barry Weiss anger online.
Chrissy TeigenCourtney StoddenDoug HutchinsonThe Green Mile
- 2 min
Tim reacts to Bari Weiss's controversial tweet framing Palestinian civilian deaths as an "unavoidable burden" of Zionism, riffing on the irony of her trying to conceive a child during the discussion.
5moments
- Bari Weiss wrote something on Twitter about Zionism while trying to get pregnant with her partner Nelly
- Tim jokes that Weiss's fertility struggles stem from confusion over whether she's trying to have a human baby or a bomb
- According to Tim, Weiss described it as tiring to get pregnant while advocating a genocide
- Weiss's quote frames dead Palestinian children and innocent non-combatants as unavoidable burdens of Zionism's political power and self-determination
- Tim calls the framing callous coming from someone actively trying to get pregnant
Zionism
- 4 min
How to Avoid Talking About Israel-Palestine at Brunch
#Tim riffs on Netanyahu, Hamas, Mossad blackmail of politicians including Biden, and offers a satirical script for steering lunch conversations away from Israel-Palestine into food talk instead.
7moments
- Picking out nursery furniture while saying Zionism must kill babies is ironic, especially while trying to get pregnant.
- Netanyahu is taking Israel in a right-wing crazy direction, and people falsely think Hamas is like a theater group.
- Palestinians shouldn't live in those conditions, but the real people suffering are those at their first post-quarantine lunches dealing with this conversation.
- Tim demonstrates how to start a conversation about Israel-Palestine: acknowledge it's a mess, mention it's been going on forever, then pivot.
- The exit strategy: just say "I just want peace" and steer the conversation toward fish dip.
- There's probably a blackmail operation going on; Biden can't say anything because of his past, and most political leaders are blackmailed.
- Ilhan Omar thinks white guys should go into camps, so there's no political way out of anything.
- 4 min
Leave Your Quarantine Relationship This Summer
#Tim declares post-quarantine relationships and friendships formed during lockdown need to end, comparing the dynamic to Israel and Palestine needing to "amicably break up."
7moments
- Tim argues it's time to leave post-quarantine relationships, particularly those that began when the NBA shut down.
- These quarantine bonds were trauma bonding and need to be severed now that restrictions are lifting.
- Move away from where you quarantined and rebuild yourself elsewhere before considering reconciliation.
- Summer 2021 is a year of selfish hedonism, libertarian values, and anti-society behavior—not about commitments.
- Even if you're considering proposing to someone from quarantine, the answer is no—you have to experience other people.
- Tim blames the Israel-Palestine conflict on them being a quarantine couple who bonded under lockdown and now can't break up cleanly.
- This is the summer of no talking points and no opinions—Tim just wants to enjoy a mask-free lunch without geopolitical commentary.
- 3 min
The Summer of No Opinions and Hedonism
#Tim declares this the summer for reckless hedonistic behavior—drunk driving, casual sex, flying somewhere for a hookup—instead of politics or documentary-film seriousness, tying back into Courtney Stodden as inspiration.
9moments
- Tim announces "the summer of no opinions" — abandon four years of opinionating and pursue hedonism instead.
- This summer is about letting loose and having fun, not making documentary films or meaningful conversations.
- Buy a plane ticket to have sex with someone as part of embracing the summer of pleasure and abandon.
- Tim wants to see people happy on beaches now that quarantine is over, even if they're only making $15,000 a year at Sonic.
- Summer crowds will be grotesque — fat people everywhere, at the beach and at restaurant tables during dinner.
- Masks off, tits out, people living on borrowed money and borrowed time — the summer is going to get chaotic.
- Life is too short for long meaningless conversations; Tim urges listeners to take pills and live recklessly.
- Courtney Stodden represents the kind of genius people should celebrate, yet Tim's movie got passed on by the industry.
- Hamas didn't pass on Tim's movie, so at least someone accepted it — a darkly comic dig at the film industry's rejection.
- 1 min
Post-Quarantine Re-entry Like Newborn Foals
#Tim compares people emerging from quarantine to baby horses covered in afterbirth, stumbling into clubs and restaurants, urging listeners to embrace sloppy adventure this summer.
3moments
- Tim argues people need to escape their quarantine households, describing the lockdown as an inverted year-long slumber party.
- Emerging from quarantine, people will stumble back into public like newborn foals covered in afterbirth, barely able to walk.
- Tim recommends embracing the messy re-entry phase through the summer before getting serious again in the fall.
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Acre Gold, a monthly gold bar subscription service, describing pricing tiers and a giveaway promotion.
4moments
- Acre lets you subscribe to gold bars for as little as $30 a month, with discreet shipping once you reach the price threshold for a bar.
- Acre recently introduced a $100-a-month subscription option for a 5-gram gold bar.
- Physical gold in your hands is safe and sound, with bars shipped directly and discreetly to your door.
- Acre gold is one of the few affordable tangible things you can buy that will actually be worth something in five years.
- 2 min
Tim reads a Sheath Underwear ad and tells the story of the company's founder Robert Patron, described as the first openly gay person court-martialed for war crimes in the US military.
4moments
- Sheath underwear has a pillowcase for your junk, and Tim loves it.
- Robert Patron, the inventor of Sheath underwear, was the first openly gay person court-martialed for war crimes in the U.S. military.
- Tim describes Patron as an openly gay marquis de Sade type who participated in routine brutal murder and torture of women and children.
- Tim pitches Sheath underwear by telling listeners to support this openly gay psychotic mass murderer.
- 4 min
Tim reacts to NYC Pride banning police from marching in the parade until 2025, joking the police should be forced to march anyway in revealing outfits with choreographed dance numbers.
6moments
- Tim says banning NYPD from Pride parade is actually their favorite punishment, since they love marching in it so much.
- If they want to punish cops, make them all march in revealing clothing with signs saying 'I am gay' and 'If anyone is trans I am trans.'
- Tim points out the cops don't care about this ban and calls it absurd.
- The NYPD Gay Officers Action League released a statement saying they were disheartened by the decision.
- Tim questions whether cops are now killing gays, or if this is just a new thing to blame police for.
- Tony Hinchcliffe made a joke calling an Asian host of a show a filthy slur, which did not go over well.
Heritage of PrideNYPDTony Hinchcliffe
- 7 min
Tim discusses Tony Hinchcliffe's controversial joke calling an Asian host a slur, defending Tony's character and the opportunities Kill Tony has given comics of all backgrounds while acknowledging the joke was a bad choice, then pivots to John Mulaney/Olivia Munn gossip and society's obsession with the "right" opinions over character.
11moments
- Tim defends Tony Hinchcliffe as not hateful but says the joke was the worst decision a comedian could make in that moment.
- Tony's a roast comic and his style outside Kill Tony can be disturbing to people unfamiliar with his work.
- Kill Tony has launched careers for Black people, gay people, trans comics, and others who've traveled for the opportunity to be on the show.
- Tony has a heart and is a human being—reducing him to one wrong joke diminishes his actual contributions.
- Being a comedian means making choices, some good and some bad, and it's hard to see what the funny would have been in this case.
- Tim claims the burden of always being right about everything is why he doesn't have a Netflix special.
- Tim argues people focus on the wrong definition of 'bad'—using words people dislike rather than destroying families or personal harm.
- Society seems to accept any behavior as long as you say the right things and express the correct opinions.
- When everything becomes about having the right opinion packaged correctly, people lose sight of what actually matters.
- Tim insists you can't reduce Tony to a single sentence when his career has involved elevating people and providing pathways the industry wouldn't.
- People should be judged on the whole of what they've done, not just a few things here and there.
Tony HinchcliffeKill TonyJohn MulaneyMichael LehrerOlivia Munn
- 1 min
- 3 min
Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, and the First Amendment
#Tim rants about Prince Harry criticizing American free speech while cashing in with Netflix deals, calling him a hollow, soulless fame-seeker manipulated by Meghan.
8moments
- Tim took a sponsor ad despite people telling him not to, and defends the decision.
- Harry and Meghan are here because they're getting into bed with Netflix and want to be celebrities.
- Tim questions what's more offensive: being a lizard or what Harry and Meghan have become in Hollywood.
- Tim says he doesn't like the First Amendment because it lets people say whatever they want.
- How scary it is to reach that point in life and have no clue who you are, like Prince Harry.
- A man without a core is dangerous, and Prince Harry is a man without a core.
- Tim mimics Harry and Meghan wanting Netflix to make a documentary about people with cleft palates instead of comedy specials.
- Prince Harry is grotesque and must go.
- 2 min
Tim promotes the new Fake Business merch collection launching 5/20 with global store plans, plays a promo video, and riffs on NFTs including Lindsay Lohan's token.
4moments
- Tim announces the Fake Business merch launch coming May 20, with plans to open stores in Paris, London, Milan, and Fifth Avenue.
- The new collection features legitimately beautiful clothes, a step up from the previous screenprinted merch.
- Tim describes his daily routine of calling up realtors and pretending to do fake business when bored.
- Kings of Leon released their album as an NFT, prompting Tim to riff on celebrity non-fungible tokens.
- 1 min
Tim lists upcoming tour stops including San Antonio, Denver, Raleigh, Boston, Foxwoods, Irvine, and Chicago.
3moments
- Tour dates across the country: Foxwoods, San Antonio, Denver, Raleigh, Boston's Wilbur Theater, Irvine, and Chicago through August.
- Tim will be in LA this week doing spots and running around if people want to come say hello.
- Tim and the other person negotiate payment, agreeing that the first check will be actual money.
- 2 min
Closing Riff: Ben's Paycheck and Wishing Peace on Israel-Palestine and Bari Weiss
#Tim closes by mocking Ben's demand for real pay one more time, then sincerely reflects on wage stagnation before sardonically wishing peace for Israel-Palestine and hoping Bari Weiss's baby is literally born a missile.
5moments
- Tim argues that wanting money is crass and undignified, and criticizes workers for not recognizing their luck at places like Arby's.
- Companies need to start raising wages to lure people back, and there's pressure on employers to pay actual money despite the hardship on small businesses.
- Living on current poverty-level wages is completely ridiculous and difficult in this country.
- Tim wishes that Israel and Palestine figure it out, and that Bari Weiss figures it out too.
- A crude joke about Bari Weiss getting pregnant and giving birth to a precision-guided missile.