rant · moment 25 of 28
Tim's Mock Wedding Speech for Ben and Katie
from #243 - Best of Patreon Vol. 2 | The Tim Dillon Show · #243
3 min
Tim performs an improvised, self-deprecating mock wedding speech apologizing to Ben and Katie for being a burden on their friendship, riffing on past incidents like yelling at Ben over a car.
- Tim met Ben and Katie years ago and lived in their small room, showering there and increasing their water bill.
- Tim and Ben smoked cigarettes all night watching Alex Jones while Katie worried about where things were heading.
- Tim says he lays in bed every night calling himself a scumbag for taking advantage of the couple.
- Tim yelled at Ben when he was late and apologizes publicly for raising his voice.
- Ben offered his car for Tim's road test but said it was on empty, suggesting Tim tell the instructor they had ninety miles left.
- Tim threatened to bash Ben's skull and called him a drunk, despite Ben being two years sober at the time.
- Tim describes himself as a scary pig who comes in and ruins everybody's life.
- Tim toasts Ben and Katie, claiming they wish he died and hope to inherit his money.
- Tim will spend the wedding alone with Blue Bell ice cream, listening to the fiddle band and eating barbecue while watching others with love in their lives.
- Tim plugs the podcast's Patreon to close out the mock wedding speech.