rant · moment 13 of 22
Tracy the Malibu Realtor and 'It's a Knife Fight Down Here'
from #200 - Knife Fights In Malibu | The Tim Dillon Show · #200
9 min
Tim tells an extended story about calling a friend's Malibu real estate agent named Tracy to price out a summer rental, riffing on her repeated "it's a real knife fight down here in Malibu" line and inventing an increasingly dark backstory for her, before comparing East Coast and Pacific seafood quality.
- Tim gets put on the phone with a Malibu real estate agent named Tracy.
- Tracy tells him the Malibu market is "a real knife fight" and people are snatching up properties left and right.
- Tim riffs on Tracy's backstory: she's coked out, her husband slept with her assistant, and she keeps saying "it's a knife fight" no matter what tragedy befalls her.
- Tracy drives down the PCH in her white Jaguar with "sold" license plates, defining her entire identity by real estate.
- Tim shifts to complaining about his sunburn and plugs Magic Spoon cereal as a healthy breakfast alternative.
- Tim jokes that the healthy cereal market is a knife fight too, and most health foods like Kashi are terrible.
- Tim imagines showing up to a knife fight with a dull butter knife he found on a train instead of a sharp Japanese blade.
- Real estate agents are shallow as puddles with nothing underneath; they have a scripted rhythm and dad jokes they can't deviate from.
- Tim admits Tracy isn't entirely wrong—the Malibu market really is competitive, with rich people throwing houses at each other for summer spots.
- Pacific fish tastes too fishy compared to East Coast fish; he recommends just putting it in a taco with avocado and pico de gallo instead.
- Tim concludes that California coastal fish is disappointing and there's not much that can be done about it.