Episode 127 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
Bavarian Cream Pie
Dec 21, 2018 · 1:14:43 · 13 segments, 106 moments indexed
- 1 min
- 2 min
Holiday Greetings and the Worst Dunkin Donuts Coffee Ever
#Tim wishes everyone happy holidays across religions, then launches into a rant about getting a terrible cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee at Grand Central, comparing it unfavorably to Starbucks.
4moments
- 0:31Holiday greetings to listeners worldwide, acknowledging Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Ramadan.
- 1:10Tim got coffee at Dunkin Donuts in Grand Central and describes it as the worst coffee imaginable—hot milk water with no discernible coffee taste.
- 1:38People defend Dunkin as unpretentious coffee, but Tim argues it's worse than deli coffee and wouldn't be drinkable even as leftover work pot coffee.
- 2:07For $2.50, that quality is inexcusable, and Starbucks genuinely makes better coffee despite some people's resistance to admitting it.
- 2 min
Overhearing Prep School Kids: "You Can't Spiral"
#Tim recounts overhearing an Upper East Side mother telling her daughter that a 97 isn't a failing grade and that she "can't spiral," leading to a debate with Ray about whether that's good or terrible parenting advice.
6moments
- 2:30Tim overhears prep school kids on the Upper East Side getting out of school with their mothers.
- 2:42One kid panics about getting a 97, afraid to tell their parents, while another kid insists it's not a failing grade.
- 3:13A mother tells her daughter she has to deal with her own problems and can't spiral.
- 3:30Tim notes the mother was talking to her fifth-grader like an adult, which he calls terrible advice.
- 3:54Tim's friend says he's never received advice that unemotional and clear in his entire life.
- 4:05Tim pushes back, arguing the kid actually does need to spiral—they need to get it done and figure out how to be better.
- 4 min
Cold Parenting, Discipline, and Destructive Family Relationships
#The debate expands into discipline versus warmth in parenting, comparing it to NBA coaching styles, with riffs on kids being taken into protective custody and Ray reflecting on his own upbringing with destructive parent-child relationships.
10moments
- 4:32Tim advocates speaking to kids like adults rather than in patronizing tones.
- 4:55Parents praising adult children for basic non-destructive behavior like not stealing medication or wrecking the car.
- 5:41Tim argues kids should hear they cannot spiral, noting how many of his friends' parents actually encouraged spiraling instead.
- 6:07Cold parenting produces successful but emotionally isolated adults.
- 6:19Warm parenting doesn't guarantee success—Tim's warm son is on his third DWI lawyer.
- 6:41Cold parenting makes children feel alone and abandoned, even when physical presence is there.
- 7:07Tim's hypothetical about training a child with a knife would result in immediate protective custody.
- 7:38Tim rejects the idea that all parenting should be emotionally distant and cold.
- 7:50Setting boundaries and discipline matter, which Tim lacked growing up and now sees the benefit of.
- 8:09Destructive parent-child relationships destroy each other, and at least they leave you with something recognizable.
- 7 min
Follow Your Dreams Was a Lie: Education, Blue Collar Work, and Empty Culture
#Tim and Ray riff on how their generation was fed empty cliches like "follow your dreams," leading into a broader rant about useless liberal arts degrees, undervalued blue-collar trades, Ray's old job cleaning bodies at a morgue, and how vapid the Thanksgiving Day Parade and mainstream culture have become.
10moments
- 10:32Tim's generation was told to follow your dreams and other hollow clichés without anyone explaining what it actually takes or what to do if it fails.
- 10:54Useless liberal arts degrees are why 90% of the comedy community goes insane when they don't succeed—nobody told them what following dreams actually costs.
- 11:38Most people don't have dreams; they're chasing being a star, which is a crapshoot unless you're exceptionally talented.
- 12:20The promise that your kids would have it better than you is becoming less true due to various factors, but it was the engine of the American dream.
- 12:37Tim's generation was sold the idea of bold vision and being your own boss, but most people need boundaries and structure, not independence.
- 13:30Most people need a boss who will fire them if they show up late—without that threat of homelessness, they won't discipline themselves.
- 14:12Tim's education was mostly worthless, not just because of his own failures but because the system itself offered little value.
- 14:23Culture has become so empty that people only find engagement digging up ugly tweets; the Thanksgiving Day Parade exemplifies this vapid meaninglessness.
- 15:01There's nothing in American culture for anyone over 11—just Kelly Clarkson, Broadway shows about acceptance, athletes, and cartoon characters.
- 15:13A free-thinking 14-year-old in this culture is completely fucked.
Kelly ClarksonNBA
- 11 min
Bavarian Castle Christmas Fantasy and Quitting Family Holidays
#Ray declares he's done doing holidays with his family and wants to spend next Christmas in a Bavarian castle, spiraling into an elaborate, absurd sexual fantasy involving a long-lost brother, while Tim needles him about family obligation, the Obamas inviting him, and travel logistics.
10moments
- 15:41Education fails to prepare people for anything because it's just generic bullshit and clichés
- 16:44Tim stopped doing homework in sixth grade despite being smart enough to pass everything
- 17:11Schools romanticize writing jobs while demonizing blue-collar union work like carpentry and plumbing that are actually more stable
- 18:00Tim's morgue job paid premium rates because he dealt with the dead and had to clean shit out of corpses
- 18:48Tim announces he's done with Christmas and his family—next year he's spending it in a Bavarian castle instead
- 19:18One family is moving out of state, and going to another state for a holiday doesn't make sense
- 21:47Life is about being happy, not watching his aunt drool and Viking out while his family steals from his coat
- 22:28Barack and Michelle Obama invited him to Christmas and he turned them down to do one more year with his family
- 24:24Tim's family stopped loving him years ago—they talk once a year just to make sure he hasn't killed anyone
- 25:44Even if you're fucking your family, they still don't love you—they're just in it for the fuck
- 12 min
Would You Fuck Your Cousin/Brother? The Incest Bit
#The incest riff continues and escalates with hypotheticals about fucking a hot cousin or sister, references to Wolf of Wall Street, before pivoting into Ray's family Thanksgiving argument with his brother about alternate-dimension physics theories and Sliders.
18moments
- 26:49Tim wants to start his own family and leave Long Island instead of staying for obligatory family gatherings.
- 27:08Tim says he'd fuck his brother if he had one, and would do it right in front of the brother's wife.
- 27:44He has no problem fucking a cousin or brother with consent, and suggests having a baby to see what happens.
- 28:12Tim describes his fantasy: Christmas morning in a Bavarian castle with St. Bernards, Bavarian cream pie, and being mounted by a mysterious long-lost brother.
- 29:03The brother reveals via blood test that they're related right before finishing inside Tim, who says "good."
- 30:10After sex, the brother offers Tim a monthly stipend because he was adopted by millionaires and wants to help him live comfortably.
- 30:49Guest notes Tim's fantasy is realistic and may actually happen, unlike many people's over-the-top fantasies.
- 31:37Tim says what he needs is his own life, a brother who will fuck him, and pay for him.
- 31:48Tim defends the incest talk by noting Wolf of Wall Street went further and that they're just pushing boundaries.
- 32:21Tim feels disconnected from his family because none of his cousins have kids, which he says is the whole point of Christmas.
- 33:13Guest says children spending time together makes the holidays worth it, and criticizes Tim's life as aimless and self-indulgent.
- 34:06Tim says he's sick of having Christmas with desperados and doesn't want to keep going to family gatherings.
- 34:40Tim got in a recent argument with his brother about multidimensional physics theories, with the brother being condescending.
- 35:28The physics debate started with Tim disagreeing about the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics, where every choice creates a new universe.
- 35:57Tim says he would fuck Jerry O'Connell from Sliders and wants to watch the show again with his dad.
- 36:52Tim argues that the holidays should be when you branch out and start your own family, separate from your old family.
- 37:56Guest suggests Tim adopt a baby with someone, but Tim insists he just wants to go to Bavaria and be fucked in a castle for Christmas.
- 38:26Tim settles on the idea of traveling to Bavaria once a year to get fucked by the same paid male actor pretending to be his brother.
BavariaLong IslandSlidersJerry O'ConnellPhilippinesThe Wolf of Wall StreetWall Street
- 7 min
Greenspan, Interest Rates, and the Coming Recession
#Tim and Ray get into a detailed economic discussion about the Fed raising interest rates, historically low borrowing costs, the 2000 tech bubble, the 2008 housing crisis, and signs pointing to a coming recession under Trump.
10moments
- 38:33Greenspan predicted the economy would get bad in 2019 with a recession coming.
- 39:00Trump kept the economic scam going for another year with his tax cut.
- 39:48Interest rates need to be raised to prevent the economy from overheating and causing price inflation.
- 40:53Low interest rates encourage unhealthy habits like cheap credit and borrowing while discouraging saving.
- 42:10Greenspan slashed rates to near zero after the tech bubble burst in 2000, which helped lead to the housing crisis.
- 42:41A trade war with China combined with political instability makes a recession likely.
- 43:20The economy is built on an unsound system based on rampant military spending and artificially cheap lending.
- 43:44Wall Street benefits from securitization that makes money cheaper and disposable, allowing people to borrow for houses and cars.
- 44:49Raising rates now could trigger asset sales as the entire system is an unstable house of cards.
- 45:27Authorities appear to be pursuing Trump's pre-election business dealings separately from the Mueller investigation.
ChinaWall StreetGreenspanDonald TrumpMueller
- 8 min
Trump University, Mueller, and Business Fraud Allegations
#The conversation shifts to legal jeopardy for Trump from the New York Attorney General and Mueller probe, discussing Trump University as an outright scam and comparing Trump's persona on The Apprentice to his actual business fraud.
9moments
- 46:19Trump University and his other businesses are outright scams.
- 46:33The Apprentice portrayed his business operations in a way completely contrary to how they actually work.
- 47:50Trump built his mythos as a reality TV character years before The Apprentice, appearing on Oprah and constructing a wrestling heel persona.
- 48:21He was memed into existence by the alt-right as a golden-haired, openly racist, hyper-masculine candidate.
- 48:58His entire image is supposedly built on being a brilliant negotiator who has negotiated nothing of substance.
- 49:10He got no money for his wall, which was never going to get built, despite Republican promises about it.
- 49:48Mueller still wants an interview with Trump, and he might incriminate himself at every turn.
- 50:21Republicans attacked the Clintons heavily over Whitewater, while Trump's actions are far worse in their brashness and attacks on freedom.
- 52:03People look at the system and think everybody's dirty, but Trump got caught—and the elite rarely face accountability because they know how to operate cleanly.
Donald TrumpGeorge H. W. BushTrump UniversityMichael CohenCBSThe ApprenticeBill O'ReillyMelania Trump+3 more
- 9 min
Is Trump Actually Emblematic of New York? Comparing to Bush and Cohen
#Tim argues Trump was never a serious New York business figure compared to Rockefeller or Vanderbilt, more a Vegas/Atlantic City character who broke big via reality TV, then compares Michael Cohen's amateur fixing to the more sophisticated cover-ups of the Bush family.
10moments
- 54:09Tim contrasts H.W. Bush's intelligence background with Trump's approach of corruption and paying people off.
- 54:27Trump as a real estate developer in New York made people money, but his presidency threw the country into chaos.
- 54:44Tim argues Trump never mattered in a meaningful business sense—he was more of a character.
- 55:15Trump is emblematic of Atlantic City or Vegas, not New York, with his gaudy over-the-top style that repulsed many.
- 55:55Trump came into his own through reality television, epitomizing the cocaine cowboy 80s era.
- 57:09Every capitalist system needs that gross guy who owns casinos, develops condos, and has been married five times.
- 57:57When people talk about New York business history, they reference Rockefeller, Carnegie, Vanderbilt, and hedge fund guys—not Trump in any meaningful way.
- 59:01Russian oligarchs, gangsters, and actors warmed to Trump's brand, but not New York society or major real estate developers.
- 1:00:59George Bush got away with lying about weapons of mass destruction and still won reelection, but Trump can't get past his wall promise.
- 1:02:31Tim sees no path to victory for Trump unless Democrats nominate someone ridiculous.
Donald TrumpColin PowellGeorge W. BushH.W. BushNew YorkMichael MilkenRudy Giuliani
- 9 min
Can Trump Win in 2020? The Wall, the Economy, and the Republican Gamble
#They debate whether Trump can win reelection given the stalled wall funding, a possibly tanking economy, and no healthcare replacement, discussing how Trump's political strength depends on momentum and how the GOP's demographic gamble on nationalism could backfire.
12moments
- 1:02:59Economy tanking, no wall funding, Trump facing a difficult 2020 with a Democratic house incoming.
- 1:03:27Obamacare repeal failing and no replacement coming — people expecting alternatives aren't getting them.
- 1:03:52Trump can only win if he's winning — he needs momentum and audience enthusiasm, not a comeback story.
- 1:04:36In debates when losing by every poll, Trump acted like he was winning and believed his own narrative.
- 1:05:01Trump won even if he lost because his supporters loved him — unlike past presidents who had to recalibrate when people turned.
- 1:05:50Getting beaten every day politically didn't matter when he was filling 10,000-seat stadiums with screaming crowds.
- 1:06:49Republican Party remade itself as Trump's party, but the model doesn't work without Trump at the top for the next guy.
- 1:07:49People voted for Trump knowing what he was — not swindled, but leaning into their worst inclinations.
- 1:08:39Conservative media figures like Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson don't know how to defend Trump anymore without the wall or economy working.
- 1:10:03Republicans see Trump as a Hail Mary — if he fails without the wall, the party is one-and-done because they believe Jeb Bush loses to immigration numbers.
- 1:11:12Right-wing media and Fox News personalities are more powerful than party machinery, and Trump listens to TV personalities over policy experts.
- 1:11:59Trump prefers media figures like Ann Coulter with wealth and visibility over Heritage Foundation think-tank people making 300K a year.
Donald TrumpRepublican PartyTucker CarlsonAnn CoulterSean HannityHeritage FoundationGeorge W. BushJeb Bush+4 more
- 1 min
Tim runs through his upcoming comedy tour dates, plugs Real Ass Podcast, and promotes his new gig co-hosting the wrestling podcast Total F'n Marks.
3moments
- 1:12:12Comedy on State show in January.
- 1:12:34Dead Crow comedy club in Wilmington, North Carolina.
- 1:12:50Co-hosting Total F'n Marks with Dan St. Germain, a wrestling-themed podcast where he offers an outsider's aggressive perspective.
Total F'n MarksReal Ass PodcastwrestlingComedy on StateMohegan SunDan St. GermainWuhahaLouis J. Gollman+1 more
- 1 min
Closing Riff: Family as the Only People Who Won't Abandon You
#Tim closes by circling back to the Bavarian castle bit, reflecting more sincerely that family, however flawed, are the people who stick by you no matter how many times you fail them.
3moments
- 1:13:26Tim plugs Old Things Comedy, a weekly show that drops on iTunes every Saturday.
- 1:13:47Family isn't a panacea and won't fulfill all your wishes, but they're the only people with an expectation to stick by you no matter what.
- 1:14:11Tim argues there's something valuable about family members who don't abandon you even after you fuck them over repeatedly.
Old Things Comedy