Episode 39 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
Little Anna Army
Apr 4, 2017 · 1:06:28 · 22 segments, 163 moments indexed
- 1 min
Show open with the network jingle describing the mission to take a critical look at billionaires, dictators, and CEOs.
2moments
- 0:15Tim's show premise: taking a hard critical look at the people society has decided to hate — billionaires, dictators, CEOs
- 0:25There are bad people in the world, and thank God for them
- 4 min
Recap of the Brokerage Show and Ray's Absence
#Tim recaps a live show at the brokerage, jokes about fans asking where Ray was (supposedly out in the field with Russ Baker), and riffs on awkward post-show fan encounters, including the Franklin scandal book signing incident with his aunt's friend Lucille.
10moments
- 0:40Fans at the brokerage show asked where Ray was.
- 0:55Tim told a kid Ray was doing research—showed him a hotel room with Russ Baker.
- 1:06Ray and Russ Baker are in Moscow turning people.
- 1:22People at the show mentioned loving Tim Dylan's Going to Hell.
- 2:02A guy approached Tim after the show asking him to call him a faggot if he didn't want to talk.
- 2:30Tim complains about the comedy club treating performers like criminals and mentions two shootings there.
- 2:41Sebastian Maniscalco presses palms with fans for hours after performing; Tim's fans are different.
- 3:02A woman brought the Franklin scandal book to the brokerage for Tim to sign.
- 3:19Tim described the book to his aunt as being about satanic pedophiles and people fucking kids.
- 3:57Tim explains he won't do another show after performing—fans should either talk or let him be.
Sebastian ManiscalcoRay KumpDave SmithLewis GómezFranklin scandalTim Dylan's Going to HellRuss BakerBoston
- 1 min
Podcasts, Loneliness, and One-Sided Parasocial Fans
#Tim and Ray riff on how podcast listeners form one-sided relationships with hosts, comparing it to loneliness and deciding hugs are the solution for awkward fans.
3moments
- 4:12In the age of podcasts, people get lonely and develop one-sided relationships with hosts they listen to but never talk back to.
- 4:43Podcast listeners become so accustomed to one-sided interaction that they struggle when meeting the host in person and trying to have actual conversation.
- 5:05Tim describes the awkwardness: fans are so used to the one-sided dynamic that you have to hug them and then push them away to set boundaries.
- 3 min
Getting Treated Like Criminals at Nick's Comedy Stop
#Tim tells the extended story of being hassled by an aggressive security guard at Nick's Comedy Stop despite bringing over a hundred fans, contrasted with the friendlier treatment at the brokerage.
8moments
- 5:17Bouncer at Nick's Comedy Stop treats the group like criminals upon arrival
- 5:54Security guard confronts Lewis over a coffee cup, claims he's been shot in the venue
- 6:18Tim describes the guard's hostility and the awkwardness of the interaction before even entering the main room
- 6:44The show space is a mid-level Asian fusion restaurant setup with a dangerously elevated two-foot-high stage
- 7:04When looking for the green room, staff directs them to stand in the lobby instead
- 7:17Guard returns to warn them they're on camera and need to watch how they conduct themselves
- 7:31Tim argues the group brought a hundred paying customers to the club, making the guard's treatment inexplicable
- 7:51After the show, while signing posters, the guard demands everyone leave immediately
Nick's Comedy StopGaS DigitalLegion of SkanksLewis C.K.Justin Silver
- 3 min
Three Shows at the Brokerage: Long Island Quicksand
#Tim breaks down his three sets at the brokerage — a great Friday night, a good Saturday late show, and a brutal elderly Long Island crowd at the early show, with family members in attendance including his dad, aunt, and stepmother's father.
8moments
- 8:08The brokerage staff and owner treat comics well, buying them shots and hooking them up.
- 8:31Tim brought a dirty Poland Spring bottle filled with carrot juice to a show; the owner gave him fresh clean water instead.
- 8:53Tim did three shows at the brokerage: Friday night had phenomenal energy, Saturday late show was great.
- 9:16Saturday early show is called Long Island quicksand—the room is packed but he's only hitting with about 40-50% of the audience.
- 9:38Tim's family was at the early show, including his dad and aunt, and he noticed a lot of elderly people in the crowd.
- 10:01In LA, Tim told a guy that he loves the city because it reminds him of Long Island; the guy responded that Long Island is all white trash.
- 10:29After the show, Tim told his dad the audience didn't get it, but his dad said everybody loved it and had a great time.
- 11:01So many elderly people staring at him on stage, including his stepmother's father and various family members.
- 3 min
Crowd Work Gone Wrong: Lacrosse, Lizards, and Cannons
#Tim describes doing Long Island geography-based crowd work that spirals into a near-fight between fans of rival lacrosse teams, the Long Island Lizards and the Cannons, forcing him to stall on stage.
7moments
- 11:30Tim argues you have to do geography-based crowd work, starting with where audience members are from.
- 11:40He told a woman in the front row she looked like a British detective and should investigate Garden City's financial criminals.
- 12:03Tim calls lacrosse a fake sport that doesn't go anywhere, prompting a man to shout his son plays for the Long Island Lizards.
- 12:33Another audience member yells "fuck the lizards" and reveals his son plays for the Cannons, the other professional lacrosse team.
- 12:51Tim had to stall for 15 minutes while the bouncer waited for the owner, as the lacrosse argument nearly became physical.
- 13:13Tim played lacrosse in high school for one year after being forced to go to cross camp, which he says was terrible.
- 13:28He was put on defense despite poor hand-eye coordination, but excelled at hitting guys in the head with his stick.
lacrosseLong Island LizardsLong IslandBrentwoodGarden CityBaltimore
- 4 min
Defending the Russ Baker Episode and Getting Kicked Out of a Wake
#Tim defends the Russ Baker conspiracy episode against criticism, then tells the story of accidentally attending a wake at the house of a comedian he'd insulted on the show, leading to being asked to leave.
8moments
- 14:12Tim defends the Russ Baker episode as substantive and recommends listeners read the original article first.
- 15:12Russ Baker didn't come on the show to speculate wildly—Tim and the guest actually asked him to make things up for the bit.
- 15:51Tim was asked to leave a wake because of something he said on the podcast.
- 16:25He described a woman who attended negatively on a past episode, which led to her family kicking him out at a funeral in Montreal.
- 16:42Tim went to his uncle's wake—a folk singer from the Irish traveler side of the family he doesn't know well.
- 17:04Tim's family splits into two Irish types: ultra-liberal Brooklyn Irish with names like Oona and Seamus, versus Americanized, wealthy, alcoholic Irish.
- 17:31His father always calls with the same line when any Irish relative dies: 'She had a hard life.'
- 17:49At his grandfather's brother's wake, the family claimed he was a poet and had written poems nobody knew about.
Russ BakerWho What Wear Org
- 3 min
The Wake Fallout and Losing His Stepmother's Shirts
#Tim finishes the wake story, getting confronted by the comedian's brother and having to leave without retrieving shirts from his stepmother, while reflecting on his complicated feelings about the extended Irish side of his family.
7moments
- 18:00Tim recounts a disagreement with a girl whose family is close friends with his Irish side
- 18:15The girl's father, who dislikes Tim, was at the wake and Tim tried to greet him anyway
- 18:36Tim found out the wake was at her house just two minutes before arriving, only there because his stepmother had promised him two shirts
- 19:06The worst thing Tim said about her was calling her a rich Park Slope cunt, in the context of criticizing a bad comedy showcase she performed at
- 19:54At the wake, a woman recognized Tim from a video and complimented him, then a man revealed himself as the girl's brother and told Tim to leave
- 20:19Tim wanted to tell the brother thanks for listening to the podcast, then had to ask his father for the shirts while being kicked out
- 20:44Tim lost the shirts his stepmother gave him anyway
- 3 min
Family Fatigue, Easter Plans, and Wanting Kids
#Tim talks about being burned out on his extended family, jokes about Easter egg hunts, and gets into a bit with Ray about needing to find a woman to have kids with.
6moments
- 21:57Tim says he's had enough of his whole family at 32 and wants to move on, with nothing positive happening anymore.
- 22:18So many divorces have occurred that he doesn't recognize people at family gatherings anymore.
- 22:54Easter plans involve a small nuclear family plus his brother's girlfriend, with an egg hunt and homemade deviled eggs.
- 23:40Tim deflects Shannon's suggestion about having kids by asking if she wants him to impregnate someone.
- 23:51He insists he's going to have kids but needs to find the right woman who's compatible with his values.
- 24:05Tim plans to teach his future children philosophy, archery, and other skills, and wants to get them a gun.
- 3 min
Losing the 'Everyman' Audition to a Yale Guy
#Tim recounts bombing an audition where casting wanted a conventional-looking 'everyman' instead of him, riffing on Hollywood's obsession with attractive actors and his own burned bridges at Vice/Munchies.
8moments
- 24:13Tim bombed an audition for an "everyman" role but lost it to a good-looking guy from Yale.
- 24:27The Yale guy is the everyman because he's third-generation Ivy League.
- 24:39Tim defines everyman: getting high with a friend and drinking his mother's Lactaid, calling it "tade."
- 25:10Tim's manager keeps asking him for tapes of himself doing different activities to pitch for hosting gigs.
- 25:38Tim interviewed at Munchies and told the interviewer he looked like a fucking clown.
- 26:07Tim's had enough of extended family members, even though he loves some of them like Uncle Kevin.
- 26:29Hollywood keeps hiring elite athletes and MIT grads as the everyman instead of actual regular people.
- 26:43Tim questions when the last everyman character actually got anything on TV, then jokes Neil Gorsuch is one.
Neil GorsuchMunchies
- 5 min
A news-driven riff on the Gorsuch Supreme Court filibuster fight, the nuclear option, and Trump's continuation of drone strikes and airstrikes in Iraq and Syria despite isolationist promises.
10moments
- 27:31Republicans invoke the nuclear option to bypass the filibuster and confirm judges by simple majority.
- 28:04Replacing Scalia with Gorsuch doesn't shift the court ideologically since both are conservative.
- 28:33Tim argues Trump doesn't care about judicial ideology, which is one of the biggest concerns people have about his administration.
- 28:47U.S. airstrikes killed 200 people in Iraq today, undermining Trump's claim he'd be different on foreign policy.
- 29:11Sean Spicer blames Syria's chemical attacks on weakness of the previous administration rather than U.S. destabilization of the region.
- 29:43Sexually frustrated men with no jobs or entertainment—like stand-up comedy—are naturally drawn toward extremism.
- 30:14Tim rejects the hypothetical game of imagining oneself as ISIS to justify their actions.
- 30:40Assad probably purchased chemical weapons from the United States, which manufactures and deals in death.
- 31:01Multiple layers of government obfuscation create the appearance of a unified one-world control system by design.
- 31:21The later seasons of The West Wing resemble the 2008 election cycle, suggesting art imitates political reality.
Donald TrumpRuth Bader GinsburgJames BakerSean SpicerThe West WingAntonin ScaliaNeil GorsuchHarry Reid
- 4 min
West Wing Parallels, a Fake Executive Order, and the Show's Dark Info Diet
#Tim jokes about The West Wing eerily mirroring real politics, invents a fictional 'unilateral hell order,' and reflects on how none of the info the show has learned is uplifting, mostly concerning child abuse.
10moments
- 31:41TV networks recreate what's working by copying shows like The West Wing, using media consumption data to spike ratings.
- 31:56Obama talked about complexity while bombing Iraq and doing nothing for inner cities—all presidents just use executive power for destruction.
- 32:35Tim describes the fake executive order where you can unleash hell unilaterally, create chaos, and nobody has to know about it.
- 33:12The podcast has taught listeners almost nothing but disturbing information, mostly about children being harmed and killed.
- 33:30This show never features engineers explaining how things work or scientists discussing actual knowledge—just dark content.
- 33:53Listeners email saying the podcast keeps them going despite how depressed it makes them from all the disturbing material discussed.
- 34:26People watch because at least their own lives don't involve whatever horror is being described—it's a comparative comfort mechanism.
- 34:52Tim's friends are settling down with houses and kids on Long Island while he's alone ordering dessert at a cafe.
- 35:13A churro s'mores cone arrived with unbruleed marshmallow, prompting Tim to demand the worker torch it or face threats.
- 35:36Tim threatens to travel to Scotland to find the dessert worker and drown them in a toilet with a bruleed marshmallow.
Barack ObamaDonald TrumpMcCain
- 1 min
Ray's Graduation Speech Bit
#Ray performs a short bit as a disgraced art teacher giving a graduation speech about drinking paint and being reinstated.
4moments
- 35:58Ray delivers a graduation speech as the school's returning art teacher.
- 36:08Ray admits he was asked to leave after biting a student, but claims it was a lie.
- 36:21Ray thanks everyone for not reporting him when he drank paint while teaching.
- 36:33Ray says he enjoyed the feeling of paint in his throat and will do it again.
- 3 min
Ray's Set at the Brokerage and Long Island's Time Capsule Crowd
#Tim recounts Ray's bit at the brokerage going over his parents' heads, then riffs at length on the strange, elderly, out-of-touch Long Island early-show crowd and their outdated fashion and tastes.
10moments
- 36:46Ray's parents ate chicken wings silently at his comedy show, completely ignoring the performance.
- 37:24Tim's aunt told him afterward that she was shocked at how good Ray was, rather than complimenting Ray directly.
- 37:44Tim describes bombing for 40 minutes in front of an older crowd at a brokerage event.
- 38:01The audience members looked like they were only being kept alive for insurance money.
- 38:25Ray pointed out the bizarre fashion choices of the attendees—weird berets, fishing coats, no socks.
- 38:47The crowd is a time capsule of people who like Irish cream in their coffee and watch The Voice.
- 39:05Tim says if he were them, he'd lay his head on the kitchen table and hit himself with a hammer.
- 39:21Comedy has become a frustrating cattle call nightmare for Tim.
- 39:33Tim pitched a show to Vice and says he'd shoot people in the head if they succeeded instead of him.
- 39:53He'd train for a week solid on a weapon before walking in to shoot successful competitors in the face.
- 4 min
Chat Room Q&A: Minnesota, Get Out, and Scotland
#Tim answers chat room questions about visiting Minnesota, reviews the movie Get Out, and recalls doing stand-up in Glasgow and dealing with a heckler's Trainspotting comment.
7moments
- 41:03Corntown asks if Tim's been to Minnesota; Tim recalls flying into a small airport there with a one-armed crackhead for a gig, describing it like the Langoliers with nobody around.
- 41:51Tim saw Get Out recently and found it racially charged in a good way, though he notes everything's overrated.
- 42:11Tim went to Glasgow with a comic who dug himself a hole by opening with a trained spotting reference, demeaningly reducing Scottish culture to that one film.
- 42:39Tim killed in Scotland and wants to know if he can get a TV show there, expressing deep desire to leave the country.
- 42:52Tim claims he'd go overseas in a heartbeat if there was any avenue, saying he's never had worse food than Scotland — they boil the meat and it's disgusting.
- 43:16One Scottish fan follows Tim on Instagram, described as a skinny train-spotting-looking kid into trance music and possibly drugs, frequenting one of the world's best stand comedy clubs in Scotland.
- 43:33Tim notes the high mortality rate in Scotland, with people checking out at 69, and mentions plasmosis you can catch from cats.
Get OutStand Comedy ClubScotlandTrainspottingMinneapolisMinnesotaLudwig von MisesMadison, Wisconsin+1 more
- 3 min
Scottish Junk Food and Pie Preferences
#Tim critiques Scottish McDonald's and Domino's menu items, including a failed Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurry, then answers a listener's favorite pie question with an elaborate riff on pie moods.
10moments
- 44:02McDonald's in Scotland has a signature burger with coleslaw, but the cabbage is chunky in mayo rather than thin, making it unappetizing.
- 44:22Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurry doesn't work because the fondant sauce clashes with ice cream texture.
- 44:44Everyone in Scotland gets hammered regardless of age, from 16 to 60, when going out at night.
- 45:01Tim discusses favorite types of pie after K George calls in requesting pecan pie discussion.
- 45:18Tim doesn't love pecan pie and prefers lighter, fruitier flavors instead.
- 45:34His pie preference depends on mood, location, time of year, and what type of day it is.
- 45:56If in an opulent palace, he goes with apricot pie; cherry pie works in a hovel.
- 46:08Tim claims he had boysenberry pie a year or two ago, mixed in with other fruit, though the quality was poor.
- 46:44Blueberry cream pie from a place in Huntington is good, but raspberry cream pie from Brian Muir Farms is his actual favorite.
- 46:55Shannon doesn't consider herself a pie person and prefers cake instead.
McDonald'sCadburyK GeorgeBrian Muir farmsDomino's
- 3 min
Quitting Smoking and the Old Car Ride Days
#Tim and Ray discuss quitting smoking and reminisce about driving around with no heat in a crashed car, living on burritos and cigarettes during a tough period.
9moments
- 47:13Tim claims he quit smoking a week ago.
- 47:32Driving home with nothing chill, career slightly better but nothing really changed—that's why the podcast works, same as those old car rides where everything was falling apart.
- 47:50Smoking a cigarette at a drive-thru waiting for food is the ultimate level of giving up on life.
- 48:05After crashing his car head-on in dead winter, no heat in the vehicle except from burritos and cigarette smoke.
- 48:17The gas station stop on Northern State where he'd get a crawler, trying to remember which one exactly.
- 48:37Those days were a real tough existence, but now things are great—doesn't even have a car anymore.
- 48:49Doesn't feel like he's having the Brooklyn experience living there.
- 49:06Every day someone from the industry tells him to get out, but in the nicest possible way—compliments him then kicks him out like a dog.
- 49:36Calls his manager after being thrown out and asks how he's doing.
New York CityBrooklynNorthern State
- 4 min
Manager Blowing Smoke and Bombing Auditions
#Tim describes a deflating call with his manager about a missed audition, then tells stories of physically bombing auditions, including falling out of a chair at an ABC audition.
8moments
- 49:44Tim describes his manager's consolation after not getting a show, with the manager insisting it would have been 'soon' anyway.
- 50:07Manager is just blowing smoke to make him feel better—Tim didn't actually land the job.
- 50:27Tim recalls bombing auditions, including one at ABC where he tripped over a stool while reading lines.
- 51:02Before falling, Tim joked 'I shouldn't drink in the morning' to the room—no one laughed.
- 51:30The show that just rejected him required commentary, not acting, which is what Tim actually does well.
- 52:14Tim does stand-up every night and is good at it, though he admits he's not a trained actor and becomes monotone when reading scripts.
- 52:40Tim called David Ang, who works on a show Tim was auditioning for, to ask what he thought about the opportunity.
- 53:07David Ang claimed he didn't know the show was hiring for correspondent positions, despite working there.
ABCDavid Ang
- 2 min
Threatening Trevor Noah and the Value of Having a Kid for Auditions
#Tim jokes about veiled threats during a Daily Show audition with Trevor Noah, then pivots to how having a kid would humanize him in the industry, contrasting with Louis Gomez's real fatherhood.
4moments
- 53:27Tim ran into someone at an audition and mentioned he was auditioning, which prompted the other person to go audition too.
- 54:03Tim describes threatening the person he's reading lines with during auditions, looking them in the eye to intimidate them into losing the role.
- 54:25Tim recounts threatening Trevor Noah during an audition by calling him a "Dutch African motherfucker" while staring him down.
- 54:49Having a kid humanizes you in auditions and makes casting directors see you as a real person instead of a chaotic animal.
- 5 min
Inventing Fake Daughter Anna Amy to Get on What's Your F***ing Deal
#Tim and Ray build out an elaborate bit inventing a fake daughter named Anna Amy to sympathetically campaign for Tim being included in the Season 2 trailer for What's Your F***ing Deal after being snubbed despite a good set.
10moments
- 55:38Tim proposes creating a fake three or four-year-old daughter to take on auditions with him.
- 56:04He names the fictional daughter Anna Amy, explaining it's after Amy Schumer and Anna Nicole Smith.
- 56:47Tim complains that Chrissy Chaos left him out of the What's Your Fucking Deal season 2 trailer despite having a phenomenal set.
- 57:07He refuses to promote the show because his omission from the trailer makes it confusing to explain his involvement.
- 57:30Ray suggests that having little Anna Amy at home as a struggling single dad would influence the decision-makers to keep him in the cut.
- 58:31Young Anna Amy questions why daddy wouldn't be in the trailer when his crowd work is so good.
- 59:13The character articulates that Tim is an overweight homosexual with conservative viewpoints and the voice of an old-school racist, representing everything to everybody.
- 59:43Anna Amy pleads with the production team to give daddy a shot despite the changing profit models and equity issues in the industry.
- 1:00:23Tim cuts off the bit, expressing frustration that every episode devolves into discussions about child sexual abuse.
- 1:00:39He worries the 13 episodes of child-fucking content they've done might be why he's not in the Chrissy Chaos trailer.
What's Your Fucking DealCISOThe Big Bang TheoryAmy SchumerAnna Nicole Smith
- 4 min
Tim wraps the bit about being excluded from the trailer, jokes he was told he's 'too good looking,' and transitions into plugs for Guinea Pig, Ray Kump's social media, and the site's new press section.
11moments
- 1:01:15Tim transitions into plugs and announces Guinea Pig coming mid-April to early May.
- 1:01:35Ray Cump's social media handle and the new press section on TimDillonComedy.com featuring three articles written about Tim in seven years of comedy.
- 1:02:20Tim asks listeners to rate, review, and subscribe to build social media numbers to create their own platform independent of the industry gatekeepers.
- 1:02:38Tim claims he was cut from the What's Your Fucking Deal trailer because he looked too good, joking that attractive people in trailers hurt viewership.
- 1:03:02Ray raises a point about whether people hold grudges over Tim's story about a house fire that didn't happen on the Crowd Work show.
- 1:03:28Tim announces a dinner giveaway for anyone actually named Anna Amy at TimDillonComedy.com.
- 1:03:44Tim's social media handles: Twitter and Instagram as TimJDillon, Facebook as Tim Dillon.
- 1:03:56Tim quotes 'The future's so bright, you gotta wear shades' and references his friend's dad saying 'She broke my heart, so I broke her jaw.'
- 1:04:20Three bus tours planned in May around New York City with plans to bring Ray and possibly his guest along.
- 1:04:38Tim describes the bus tour experience: an hour and a half double-decker ride where attendees can bring flasks and he screams about the Illuminati, their homes, kids' schools, and restaurants.
- 1:04:55Tim notes he has gathered more Illuminati information since November's last bus tour.
Ray CumpWhat's Your Fucking DealAlex SteinbergTimDillonComedy.comIlluminatiguinea pig
- 1 min
Tim describes the upcoming Illuminati-themed double-decker bus tours around New York City, thanks listeners, and closes the show with Anna Amy and Ray.
3moments
- 1:05:02Tim announces bus tour signup on the website with tickets releasing mid to late April, 50-60 seats per bus, three or four tours planned.
- 1:05:27The bus tour is not a regular comedy show but an insane and cool experience unique to New York City.
- 1:05:53Anna and Amy sign off with crude remarks about Tim's appearance and stench.