Episode 13 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
Finger Blow Jobs
Oct 4, 2016 · 1:04:31 · 26 segments, 152 moments indexed
- 1 min
Cold Open: Shame On Plug and iTunes Ranking Jokes
#Tim opens by plugging the sister show "Shame On" and mocking its premise of publicly shaming a different group each week, joking about iTunes rankings and his wife hating him.
2moments
- 0:42Tim promotes Shame On podcast with Karen Fianna and Micah Foxx
- 0:58Next week's target: people with goiters
- 1 min
Tim introduces guest Bonnie McFarland, Rich Vos's wife and a comedian, with some back-and-forth about her being introduced properly and her being "the great" guest.
2moments
- 1:02Tim insults people with beauty marks on their faces as pigs.
- 1:20Bonnie McFarland introduced as the wife of Rich Voss and one of Tim's favorite people.
- 1 min
Bonnie plugs her comedic memoir available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Audible, with Tim riffing that Audible isn't even a real sponsor but plugging it anyway as their "link to the corporate world."
5moments
- 1:41Tim introduces Bonnie as a refreshing guest after having lots of serious intellectuals on the show.
- 2:00Tim and Bonnie discuss that they're not doing a smart show today, then pivot to her writing a comedic memoir.
- 2:14Bonnie's book is titled "You're Better Than Me."
- 2:29Tim plugs Audible as a place to get the book, noting it's not even a sponsor.
- 2:43Tim continues pushing the Audible plug and describes Ray's purpose on the show as facilitating these reads.
- 3 min
Tim and Bonnie discuss high school social status, Tim being nominated for Homecoming King while Bonnie was the least popular of the popular kids, jogging to school because her family's farm had no shower, and doing "whore baths" in a sink.
7moments
- 3:08Tim was very popular in high school and was nominated for Homecoming King.
- 3:23Many comics were cutters or goth people, which makes it harder for him to relate to them.
- 3:44His parenting philosophy: tell your kids they better get their act together socially.
- 4:15He blossomed into a popular person in senior year after being the least popular of the popular group.
- 4:43Long distance runners got no respect where he grew up.
- 5:31They bathed using whore baths, washing at a sink while standing naked on a towel.
- 5:48They had a wooden tub but only filled it once a week, with everyone getting in together.
- 2 min
Bonnie describes her hometown near the Alberta-Saskatchewan border, the air force base bringing in "hipster" military kids with actual showers, and clarifies geography while Tim jokes about Saskatoon and bisexuality.
4moments
- 6:20Tim grew up in northern Alberta on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan, very far north, about three and a half to four hours north of Edmonton.
- 7:10The area was rural but had a very big air force base that brought in an influx of military kids who were there for two years.
- 7:24Tim describes the military kids as disappointed hipsters because people who had showers were considered hipsters.
- 7:40He attended high school during his jogging phase and was into sports at the time.
AlbertaSaskatchewanBritish ColumbiaSaskatoon
- 2 min
Bonnie reveals she was an effeminate child actor who appeared on Sesame Street and got bullied for aspiring to greatness, leading into a discussion of childhood suicide and what she teaches her own daughter about kindness.
4moments
- 8:23Tim was effeminate and very gay as a kid, did acting auditions, and appeared on Sesame Street multiple times with representation.
- 8:45He got over the bullying and thinks it was good for him, but notes that kids today are killing themselves over similar treatment.
- 9:00Tim discusses how he talks to his daughter about suicide, going over different ways to kill yourself without leaving a mess.
- 9:19His daughter's first words to him were calling him a fat ass, which he appreciated.
- 3 min
Tim and Bonnie discuss Bonnie's daughter Raina's social life, a neighbor calling about a nine-year-old's "boyfriend," and cruel parents who used to gatekeep which kids were allowed to play with their kids.
6moments
- 9:44Tim's daily practice: try to do one nice thing a day, and it has to be genuinely difficult.
- 10:17A neighbor called to tell him she'd met his nine-year-old daughter's boyfriend.
- 10:28Tim admits he's in denial about his daughter having crushes and doesn't want to meet the kid.
- 10:50Parents who push their kids to be popular will mock other children, then later have their own problems.
- 11:18When Raina's friends come over they completely ignore Tim and shut the door in his face.
- 11:39Tim says he won't be the cool mom in high school because he's already relinquishing parental duties daily.
- 2 min
Bonnie explains her small Canadian town didn't have a real prom, just a field party, and reveals she may have smoked pot with the mayor, who was also her school principal and biology teacher.
6moments
- 12:03Canadian prom involved losing your dress at a huge party in a field instead of fancy venues
- 12:13Tim contrasts his Long Island prom with limos and catering halls to the Canadian version
- 12:24Guest got her dress custom-made by Roberto Cavalli for the field party
- 12:54Everyone would hitchhike or find rides to cornfields and wheat fields to get drunk and party
- 13:22Guest remembers potentially smoking pot with the mayor at the field party
- 13:34The mayor was also the principal of the high school and her biology teacher
Roberto CavalliLong IslandThe Hamptons
- 4 min
Bonnie tells the escalating story of her biology/chemistry teacher (who also became mayor) taking her, underage and drunk, to a male strip club, and describes him asking her to demonstrate oral sex on his finger, plus other inappropriate teacher stories from Tim's Catholic school.
8moments
- 13:49Tim's guest describes being taken drunk and underage to a male strip club by a principal and biology teacher during school.
- 14:16She recalls witnessing a woman performing oral sex on one of the male strippers.
- 14:39Biology teacher gave her rides and eventually asked her to demonstrate a blow job on his finger while driving.
- 15:33Teacher moved her desk directly next to his so they could talk privately during class while the rest of the students sat far away.
- 16:02Tim asks if she flirted back; she says she didn't realize it was flirting but remembers he made her laugh.
- 16:19Her Catholic school theater teacher Mr. Hoar was caught passionately making out with a junior in the hallway and was fired as a result.
- 16:45English teacher at the same school whispered mid-test that he wanted to fuck her; she told her mother, who said to ignore him.
- 17:09Tim asks whether a consensual relationship between teacher and student could ever be appropriate.
Catholic school in Long Islandrich
- 2 min
They debate whether student-teacher relationships can ever be consensual, discussing a case where parents allowed their daughter to date her teacher, then pivot to Bonnie's school having no cafeteria.
4moments
- 17:22A girl Tim knew had an affair with her high school teacher, and when he told her parents, they said it was fine.
- 17:42After high school ended, the teacher and girl moved in together but it didn't last—she outgrew him.
- 17:59The guest's school had no cafeteria; students brought their own lunches or bought chips and stuff from a store.
- 18:41Tim questions whether he's the most successful from his class, then mentions Deanna who works for the UN as a bilingual lawyer.
- 3 min
Bonnie argues kids need to feel uncomfortable and that not all criticism is bullying, discussing a friend's transgender nine-year-old, a mean teacher who "almost called Tim a fag," and a health teacher outing a student in class.
6moments
- 19:03Tim discusses cyberbullying and what parents should do about it in the current era.
- 19:19Tim argues that not every instance of someone being mean counts as bullying, and that discomfort is necessary in high school.
- 19:58A friend's nine-year-old daughter transitioned to identifying as male this year, and the school accommodated it without major issues.
- 20:41Tim clarifies he's not talking about tormenting gay or transgender students, but about loud behavior that needs to be self-corrected.
- 21:02Teacher Mrs. Hammond told Tim she recognized his loudness came from insecurity and a need for attention.
- 21:34Health teacher Ms. Cunio drove a Jaguar she claimed to have won in a divorce and would openly tell students they were gay.
Mrs. HammondMs. Cuniocyberbullying
- 4 min
Political Echo Chambers and Democrats vs. Gay Rights
#They discuss how people only consume media that confirms their beliefs, whether jokes influence behavior like rape culture, Tim's Facebook rants, and a debate about Democrats' historical vs. current record on gay rights compared to Sharia law concerns.
8moments
- 22:12Society needs balance between respecting people and letting them think they're amazing all the time.
- 22:36Tim on political echo chambers: people only read what confirms what they already believe.
- 23:11Bonnie Colbert pointed out a gay Republican at a rally and the audience booed him.
- 23:46Republican Party hasn't been particularly good to homosexuals, but Democrats were phenomenal until recently.
- 24:20Tim argues Democrats became so progressive on gay issues they now ignore real threats like Sharia law.
- 24:47Democrats tolerate preachers saying death to homosexuals while claiming moral high ground.
- 25:03Tim recalls a very effeminate, popular friend from high school whose locker was next to his.
- 25:21Tim doesn't remember gay kids in his school being tortured the way everyone claims happened.
Democratic PartyRepublican PartyBonnie Colburn
- 2 min
Old-School Bullying vs. Modern Passive Torment
#Tim argues that kids used to settle things by fighting and getting it over with, whereas now bullying persists as ongoing passive-aggressive torment since fighting isn't allowed, plus a riff on people filtering criticism through their insecurities.
6moments
- 25:47Tim argues that removing physical fighting from bullying doesn't solve the problem—it just transforms it into constant low-level psychological torment that never gets resolved.
- 26:09Kids in the 1950s and 60s would just fight it out and move on, whereas modern bullying drags on for years without reaching a natural endpoint.
- 26:30Tim describes how people funnel all negative comments through a single identity filter—if you're fat, you attribute every insult to your weight; if you're gay, you attribute everything to sexuality.
- 26:54The problem with identity filters is that any comeback feels like you're attacking someone's core identity rather than just trading insults.
- 27:17Tim's generation was the last to laugh at inappropriate and subversive material while knowing it was actually wrong.
- 27:29The crucial distinction is that knowing something isn't right—having a moral compass—doesn't mean you can't find it funny.
- 3 min
Bonnie describes her husband Ray's old job as a morgue photographer, including a graphic anecdote about photographing an elderly woman's cancerous uterus, leading to jokes about Tim wanting her to inspect his own body.
6moments
- 27:45Tim argues jokes don't cause harmful behavior—they reflect existing culture, like rap music doesn't cause crime in cities.
- 28:20People who rape don't need comedians to cosign their behavior; horrible and racist people already exist.
- 29:06Ray worked in a morgue as a photographer documenting corpses.
- 29:19Ray's job was photographing genitals and other body parts of the deceased.
- 29:31First assignment: macro photography of an 88-year-old woman's cancerous, rotting uterus covered in tumors.
- 30:09They cut out the uterus, labeled it on a board, and presented it as part of the job.
- 2 min
Bonnie recounts cold-calling Caroline's Comedy Hour to get her first TV credit, moving to New York in the 90s, and living cheaply in a recently deceased woman's Harlem apartment.
4moments
- 30:37Tim called Caroline's Comedy Hour to ask if he could be on the TV show, reached the booker directly.
- 31:10The booker asked if Tim was cute over the phone, then put him on speakerphone with workmen in the office as an audition.
- 31:44When Tim first moved to New York in 1996, he lived in a huge one-bedroom apartment in Harlem for $500 a month.
- 32:01The apartment belonged to his manager's fiancée's grandmother, who had died a week before Tim moved in.
Caroline's Comedy HourHarlem
- 3 min
They recall a bizarre, poorly attended comedy showcase with people in wigs and costumes backstage, where Bonnie bombed but delivered a great line about knowing what real comedy is, followed by discussion of finding one's own comedic voice in New York.
8moments
- 32:11Tim describes attending a showcase a month prior for approximately 25 disinterested assistants with no actual power in the industry.
- 32:30The showcase took place in a weird black box theater where people were backstage putting on wigs and dressed in various costumes.
- 32:42Tim details the absurd setup: one performer on a unicycle, another dressed as a waiter, creating a Vaudeville-like atmosphere.
- 33:06Tim went on first, bombed immediately, then called the audience Satanists who couldn't get invited to good Illuminati parties or child sacrifices.
- 33:34Bonnie opened with a bit about not enjoying the showcase, saying it's only because she knows what actual comedy is.
- 34:06When Bonnie started comedy in Canada, everyone did standup the same way and criticized her for just standing at the mic telling jokes.
- 34:19She adopted the conventional approach of working with the microphone stand and greeting the audience, which killed sometimes.
- 34:33Moving to New York forced her to realize she had to be herself and develop her own thing rather than impersonate what she thought a comedian should be.
- 3 min
Bonnie reflects on how motherhood differed from her own neglectful upbringing, moments of connection with Raina at the park, and joking speculation about which of Raina's friends might grow up to be promiscuous.
9moments
- 34:42Tim on whether having a kid hurts your career as a comic
- 35:02Some comics claim to feel differently as parents, but Tim says it's different than he expected
- 35:15His parents basically ignored him growing up, unlike the involved parenting style he's adopted
- 35:38Tim appreciates that his daughter thinks he's cool and likes him
- 35:58He knows it's coming that she won't like him anymore, but feels he's built a good base with her
- 36:28At the park when she was four, Tim realized what it felt like to be cool—both wanting the same thing
- 36:48Looking at her friends, Tim suspects one of them will become sexually active based on how she acts
- 37:18Tim wasn't like that as a kid—not trying to be sultry or promiscuous, just a regular dude
- 37:35Tim describes not thinking about consequences as a teenager, even around married men with kids
- 3 min
Tim circles back to press Bonnie on the male strip club incident with her teacher, comparing the described scene to "dancing bear" style porn videos, and questions the town's odd venue and the teacher's motives.
7moments
- 37:48Tim recalls a teacher taking him to a male review strip club and getting off on his reaction.
- 38:09He was surprised the teachers trusted him enough to take him somewhere like that.
- 38:31A girl from the audience blew one of the dancers in the room.
- 38:48Tim references porn videos called Dancing Bear where women in strip clubs perform sex acts with male dancers.
- 39:26He went back to high school and finished doing flowers while a little drunk after the incident.
- 39:39The small farm town only had one real dance club bar, and this was probably a one-time thing.
- 39:57The teachers must have brought him there hoping he'd get turned on by the male dancers.
- 2 min
Bonnie reveals the same teacher plied her with beer at the strip club while holding over her head that she'd cheated on a chemistry test, prompting Tim to marvel this story tops even their Kennedy assassination guest.
5moments
- 40:44Teacher and others take caller out for beers without explaining where they're going or what it is.
- 41:02Tim learns the biology and chemistry teacher kept pressuring caller to confess about cheating while pouring beer.
- 41:18Tim recaps the escalating situation: teacher blackmailing caller about cheating, getting him drunk underage, at a strip club.
- 41:41Caller says he could get these people in jail now but doesn't seem concerned about what happened at the time.
- 42:15Caller mentions there might have been pot smoking involved in these teacher-led outings.
- 3 min
Tim confesses to eating old refrigerated pizza, then they discuss Bonnie's sparse Canadian farm Christmases and birthdays, and her father's farm raising "every kind of animal."
8moments
- 42:53Tim describes the appeal of cold leftover Papa John's pizza from the fridge versus hot pizza.
- 43:18Canada celebrates Thanksgiving at a different time than the U.S., with Boxing Day following Christmas.
- 43:39Growing up, birthdays meant almost nothing—just a coloring book and crayons, with the only gift being a choice of dinner.
- 44:02Tim's father was a real farmer in Canada with every kind of animal imaginable on the property.
- 44:23The neighbor considered raising ostriches, and farmers around the area started experimenting with buffalo as exotic livestock.
- 45:07The farm primarily produced milk and chickens rather than dealing in meat sales.
- 45:22Tim reflects that living completely self-sufficient on the farm, eating only what they produced, was like the organic lifestyle trendy restaurants now advertise.
- 45:47As a child, Tim's job was to kill the chickens by cutting their heads off.
farmingPapa John'sThanksgiving
- 1 min
Bonnie describes her childhood job slaughtering chickens on the farm and the quasi-religious farm mentality about food, which she says eventually contributed to her becoming a vegetarian.
3moments
- 46:05Tim grew up on a farm with an ideological view of nature and land that insulated him from seeing animal killing as problematic.
- 46:30Killing chickens later affected him enough that he became a vegetarian at 18, though he's relapsed multiple times since.
- 46:50His current vegetarian stretch has lasted five or six years, and he still eats fish occasionally despite calling himself vegetarian.
- 5 min
Bonnie plugs her sold-IFC show pitch and a November 2nd "Would You Bang Him" game show at the Village Underground, while Tim plugs his own double-decker bus tour mocking rich Manhattanites, and they joke about fake comedy festivals.
10moments
- 47:16Tim sold a show to IFC and wants them to pick it up.
- 47:57November 2nd at Village Underground for the New York Comedy Festival: a game show called "Would You Bang Him" where comedians perform and female judges decide if they'd sleep with them.
- 48:44Tim wanted the judges to be sexist but they wouldn't use laser pointers or lean into it.
- 49:10For the festival, Tim is taking a double-decker bus around New York and screaming at people, drawing on his background as a tour guide.
- 49:31The bus tour focuses on rich people on Central Park West, with Tim talking about the Manhattan elite world.
- 49:47The bus tour's theme is telling passengers why they're poor, a pig, and why it won't work out for them.
- 50:13Tim plans to get a giant inflatable union rat for Union Square as protest-comedy hybrid, with a banner the festival doesn't know about.
- 50:38Tim criticizes fake comedy festivals: basement shows with no sponsors, no signage, nobody knowing what's happening.
- 51:27Tim once did a festival where the actual mayor picked him up and took him to a strip club to watch someone get blown.
- 52:02According to Tim, the mayor picking him up and taking him to a strip club happens every two years.
New JerseyNew York Comedy FestivalIFCCarolinesVillage UndergroundCentral Park WestUnion SquareBest Buy
- 5 min
Bonnie and Tim swap stories about appearing on Red Eye, mocking pageant-queen contributors who parrot talking points with fake conviction, an awkward exchange about racism in the green room, and a nervous comedian who barely spoke on air.
10moments
- 52:25Tim loves doing Red Eye despite the show being insane.
- 52:51These contributors deliver talking points with complete conviction despite the content being meaningless.
- 53:45Conservative comics on the panel attempt puns and try to be funny in a painful way.
- 54:29A panelist argues that not wanting to live in an area where you might get stabbed isn't racist.
- 54:51Tim spent one appearance mugging on camera while a guest just kept talking endlessly.
- 55:07A female comic on the show barely said anything, offering non-sequiturs like 'I'm a lover of animals.'
- 55:36Tim writes one or two jokes on every topic and folds them in when called upon by the host.
- 55:54Making ludicrous claims in a blazer creates absurdity, like his joke about Marco Rubio at a foam party.
- 56:19Red Eye puts comedians on panels with serious figures like UN ambassadors and John Bolton simultaneously.
- 56:54What makes doing Red Eye funny is that Tim can say 'I don't know' while everyone else has a point.
- 2 min
Getting Cut Off Before the Punchline on TV Panels
#Tim rants about hosts interrupting him before he lands a joke on panel shows, and Bonnie recalls a producer silently praying for the segment to end, followed by self-deprecating jokes about their bad attitudes.
4moments
- 57:03Tim complains about being interrupted before getting to the punchline on TV panel shows.
- 57:30He argues the only reason he's there is to deliver a joke, and interruptions leave him with just an earnest setup.
- 57:45Story about Bonnie turning around on tape and giving him a look of desperation, begging the show to end.
- 58:02Tim admits he has a bad attitude that he can't control, and it gets him in trouble constantly.
- 6 min
Bonnie and Tim run through closing plugs: Rich Vos's podcast My Wife Hates Me, Bonnie's play Sparkleberry, Tim's comedy club dates with Dan Soder, the bus tour tickets, Twitter handles, and gas digital subscriptions.
9moments
- 58:39Tim plugs his podcast 'My Wife Hates Me' with Rich Voss on Riot Cast.
- 59:02He performs in Sparkleberry, a sketch show at the Annoyance Theater every Thursday at 9 p.m. this month, featuring Steve DC, Anna, and Bardia.
- 59:40Tim adds a second bus tour date on November 2nd at 7:30, departing from Central Park, covering topics like the Illuminati and NYC real estate.
- 1:00:20Social media handles: Tim is @TimDillonShow and @TimJDillon on Twitter; Bonnie McFarland is @BonnieMcFarland.
- 1:01:28Tim says he prefers Facebook rants over Twitter's character limit for his longer-form comedy.
- 1:02:13Upcoming shows: Thursday October 6th in Suburbia, Rhode Island with Dan Soder; Saturday the 8th in Poughkeepsie at Laugh It Up.
- 1:02:34Check out Chris Gethard's 'Career Suicide,' an off-Broadway run of his popular one-man show.
- 1:02:48Election Day appearance on public access TV with Ray and Chris Gethard is tentative based on an initial email inquiry.
- 1:03:23Subscribe on iTunes and other platforms; upcoming guests include non-comedians being pursued for interviews.
Chris GethardRich VossDan SoderSparkleberrySteve DCChris DatherLiza Hurwitz
- 1 min
Tim thanks Bonnie McFarland for coming on, plugs Gas Digital one more time, and says goodbye to end the episode.
1moment
- 1:04:05Tim thanks Bonnie for coming to the Gas Digital studio and plugs the brand.